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The Cure for Cancer

GreggG

Moderator
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
810
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18
(CUT TO: Troy Windham, his blonde highlighted hair glistening in the sun, as he leans back on a patio chair on his South Beach estate.)

TROY: "Now, my media team has assembled me the various promos flooding into the network, helping me plan my scouting report for the competition. And a cursory -- GASP! A three syllable word! -- glance at the competition reveals that, once again, Troy Windham is The Epitome... the cat's MEOWZAH... the straw that stirs the drink. I'm not sure what's been more perversely enjoyable. There's all these new guys, hailing from the alphabet soup of indie hell leagues, posing as superstars, all of them straight from a KMFDM cover band rehearsal or from a furry convention. And then there's the oh-so-retro guys, coming out of the woodwork, all hoping beyond hope to get noticed so they could get out of that massive credit card debt and maybe get a role on some reality TV program on late-night CMT."

(Troy puts on a pair of Cole Haan sunglasses.)

TROY: "It has been this way my entire career. Back when I started in 1995, I was the only wrestler alive who ever namedropped Evan Dando... and, today, I'm the only wrestler still hosting segments on IFC backstage at Bonaroo. Everyone else is a tribute band version of a retread act. All interchangeable parts of lunkheaded muscle boys overcompensating. Yo -- dudes, it's okay, it's 2012 and it'd be actually pretty awesome if at least one of you came out of the closet. We have a black president, the least would could do is have someone let their rainbow flag fly. But, alas and alack, all we have once again is the assembly line of suck that has been this industry for years. Once again, Troy Windham -- yes, THE Troy Windham -- needs to get the call from the bullpen to SAVE this industry. I'm the one who made it cool. And I mean 'US Weekly' cool, not 'free drinks with your fanny pack at Applebee's" cool.' This is my last chance to win the dance. I plan on doing so. But I'm not doing this for me. I've already got eight figures or so in the bank account. I've already had all the Gold on the Ceiling. I'm doing this for this industry. Because professional wrestling NEEDS A SAVIOR from the folks who watch Storage Wars and think its high art that run rampant through this world of our. I am that person. Because I am Troy Windham. I am THE E-P-I-T-O-M-E. And I am... Professional Wrestling's CURE FOR CANCER!" (FTB)
 

CCJ

League Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2012
Messages
226
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0
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NJ
[Cancer.]

"I certainly hope you weren't talking about me, Troy."

[Slowly, The Lord of COOL rattles his index finger back and forth.]

"...not with those shades on anyway."

[A short chuckle ensues.]

"If so, 1995 called. They said they want you to go back in time, and save wrestling by never being a part of it."

[roasted.]
 

User Poets

The Shadow Pope
Joined
Jan 6, 1995
Messages
2,192
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www.valeriansgarden.com
"Now, CCJ... let's not be hasty."

"Professional wrestling has gained a lot of fairweather fans and mainstream exposure from Troy Windham, and I, of all people, can honestly say that while he might be overly - egotistical by saying he's Professional Wrestling's Cure for Cancer, things would certainly not be better if he never started."

"Let Troy be and let Troy do what's best for this industry... make it almost to the end. He's really good at that: overwhelming success predates a massive crash and burn."
 

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