(camera opens up the back entrance of the Silver Cross Field in Joliet, Illinois, as Jared Wells is leaving from Wired. wearing black adidas warmups, white nautica tanktop, hair in a mess, and he seems to be wore out from his television title matchup. camera zooms over to Wells as he loads his trunk with his bags)
RAGE 'o FIRE: You ever had a vision of something you've wanted really bad, you go out and get it but somebody is there to stop your reality from happening? Complete B-S in my book dudes. I walked onto this field behind me expecting to walk out the new GLCW television champion, but it didn't happen. Funny I thought I was suppose to face Stupendous, not M-W-G. But what the hell can you do? It's fine, there will be another day for the television title. M-W-G, if I were you, I would stay far away as possible because I'm coming for you pal. (Waves his fists in the air) You want the graveyard or the hospital.....pick one!
Being in a foul mood that I am in, I got word today that I will be facing THE JOBBER in a few days! When I hear that I just felt really good all of the sudden. It's like the rain stopped and the sun came out. Talk about somebody that I've wanted to get my hands on for a long long time. What's up JOBBY-JOB? 'Ya know week after week you come out and talk trash about me for no reason.....why? Is it because you hate to see guys like me win? Is it because the GLCW really has nothing for you anymore? I don't know man, WHAT IS IT? You've been running your mouth for months now, taking cheap shots at me. The time for talking is done. The name JARED WELLS was signed on the dotted line this morning and it's time to roll baby.
Me and my fans are close man. They've been waiting for RAGE vs JOBBER for a long time. Finally, they will get what they've asked for. Your ass knocked out from a RAGE-BOMB. ONE-TWO-THREE, ding ding ding, after you wake up you'll have thousands of my fans breathing down your neck. That's if you do wake up. I could be like you man and take cheap shots at your career but I won't do it. I have no reason to. Besides, you crying about me being somebody in the GLCW is kinda funny. It makes you less threatening like you *USED* to be. Want to continue to talk that crap? Go ahead, and I'll be there to shut you up once and for all.
(Fade into the Jobber's Whitelandia compound, cut to blah blah, etc etc.)
The Jobber: It seems GLCW has finally let Rage o Fire Jared Wells out of his shiny plastic packaging to play. Smart to keep him tucked away in a drawer for so long, because the money they've spent so far will be wasted in 10 minutes.
Of course, laughably Jared thinks there is some hope of victory and claims I will be defeated by his finisher with such a hackneyed name. But that is what happens with the delusional, you can't expect them to have a clue what is going on. Of course now that the match is signed it is HE who has wanted to get his hands on ME for these few months.
Now Jared, if I may call you Jared... if you had been the one who wanted to get your hands around my neck, why did it take 3 months from when I issued the challenge for the match to be signed? Is the line at the GLCW headquarters just that long? I thought so. So please, spare me the whole "I wanted this match to happen" and just face that you avoided it as long as possible and didn't want your heavily protected "legend" to be exposed for the talentless hack you are. Because in my book, you are even lower on the food chain than Sean Edmunds, and I dealt with him fairly easily. Why shouldn't I have even less trouble with his long time rival who so rarely got the upper hand on him?
Yeah, I thought so. And I must wonder how many of your "fans" are left, then again I doubt there were many before. After waiting 3 months while a man insulted you, while he mocked everything you have accomplished your fans must really have thought you were all they had previously respected you for by taking that long to answer the challenge, eh?
But of course you try and spin it in some strange way, how I must be inferior because I mocked you for so long, admitting you waited months to answer the challenge. I talked the trash because I knew I could easily back it up, and give myself something to laugh about as I faced the bottom feeders that the GLCW seemed hell bent on feeding me. But now I've taken them out, taken out their new golden boy Dakota Smith, and now they've finally given me you Jared.
I guess they saw they really had to. If they didn't finally throw you to the wolves you wouldn't be worth much to them anyway. A live coward is worth very little, even compared to a dead one. So claim that you are a huge star here in GLCW, and dodge how they made you a huge star and you had nothing to do with it. I've dealt with what they've given me, and you know what Jared, Dakota Smith despite being a shade of his father, who I had beaten anyway is still so much more of a man than you are. At least he wouldn't look a man in the face and boast as you do after accomplishing nothing. But of course it must be all because I'm jealous of how much you win, despite it being quite difficult for me to actually go and see what you have won. I guess it's all some conspiracy against you by all the people who talk trash about you, but you won't fight for months.
I will admit one thing, I have looked foward to this match. It's a chance to amuse myself, because finally GLCW has given me a chance to embarass another of its chosen heroes, hopefully the second in a line of those chosen ones who will fall at my feet and not just a quick step up a rung and then back to the worthless, no matter how many of the chosen I step on.
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Sep-06-03 AT 07:58 PM (EST)](Camera opens up to Wells laid back on a bed in some hotel late at night, wearing just a towel around his waist, and a remote control in his hand. He just got done watching THE JOBBER'S interview)
JARED WELLS: It's all about the fun 'n games right?! I mean we are in the GLCW because it's just one big joke right?! JOBBIE-JOB, I hope your having fun right now because once the bell rings, the game stops and your reality will finally spark in your head. The only thing funny about this entire deal is the garbage that flows out your mouth onto people's television. BLAH-BLAH-BLAH, whatever JOBBY. Keep smiling, keep laughing because everything that is around you will all be changed forever. No more *SAUSAGE PARTIES* for you my friend.
I really wanted this match to happen three months ago because to be honest with you, I was fishing for the big one. At the time you were just recycled talent, and you still are. But that's not my call it's the GLCW staff. What's the difference if it was three months ago or NOW?! How would that change anything?! Well of course you coming out and do what you do best, talk the trash, "WELLS HOW COME YOU DIDN'T SIGN THREE MONTHS AGO? HUH? HOW COME WELLS? WHAT HAPPENED WELLS?" Yada-Yada-Yada, and you continue to cry that same old river!
I don't *CLAIM* I'm the best star in the GLCW, but 'ya know what? The GLCW gave me a second chance in my career.....while I was broke, drunk, laid out on the streets....they gave me a contract I couldn't refuse and dammit I'm not letting anybody, or anything STOP ME! This might be my only shot to prove to everybody what I'm made of. I could sit here and say "WELL I WAS THIS, I DID THIS A LONG TIME AGO" but I'm not! Here we are JOBBER, THIS IS IT, THIS IS NOW! You wanted it, you got it! Yes I do have a legacy, yes I do have a rich past but LET'S TALK ABOUT TODAY!
What's funny is, my fans feel the same way. (LAUGHS) Not that many fans? Wait until your music hits......make your way down that long aisle.....your gonna feel something you've never ever felt before. If I were you, I'd keep your eyes, nose, and head straight because you will feel a little pressure. Don't be fooled pal, don't be fooled.
Don't give me any of that throw to the wolves B-S because it's making you look bad. So your the big bad wolf of the GLCW? (GRINS) In my world JOBBIE, your nothing. You *WERE* somebody in the past but you've turned into a complete crybaby. One thing I've noticed is when you don't get your way, all hell breaks loose. Funny, I wonder how your gonna react when your defeat my yours truly? I'll HIT-CHA so hard, that I'll make you stop complaining for the rest of your life. So in a way, I'm helping you.
JOB, time is running out. Keep talking the trash, enjoy your GLCW stint while you can because you my friend will only be a flash in the pan. THE JOBBER HUH? ONE-TWO-THREE..........And like I always say, "THE TIME AND TALKING IS THROUGH.....YOU READY TO DANCE BRO? Well RAGE........he leads!
[updated:LAST EDITED ON Sep-08-03 AT 11:00 PM (EST)](Cue up "TV II" by Ministry.)
(Fade into the Jobber's Whitelandia compound. Cut to the Jobber in his living room, as it was, as it always will be.)
The Jobber: Well well, Jared Wells has again sent word to me of what a tough son of a gun he is. The Rage o Fire is angry... More like the Rage o Fire GENERIC Wells... am I rite?
The Jobber: Ok, maybe not. Jared Wells, from your intensity, to your Rage Against the Machine catch phrase, to pretty much every single portion of your personality, its just so dull. You are some strange conglomoration of everything so old, so done before. Like Nevada Smith was some odd Pandorian clone of Maelstrom, you are some test tube baby of everyone else who has ever entered the ring. Were you so devoid of ideas that you just figured you'd take everyone elses personality and then coast from there with marginal talent?
But somehow you stumble upon some interesting points. To answer one, yes Jared, this is all a game. All quite an amusing little game in which I am able to take all of these men to this "dance" you speak of, and humble them from the loud mouthed, underskilled, dull, generic slobs they are before, and turn them into whimperin soulless simpletons by the time the match is over.
It's nice to see you've come down off the LSD trip you were on and admitted what a worthless has been you are, but a slightly less delusional dull hasbeen isn't any more difficult to defeat, but at least he's slightly less annoying. It does grate on my nerves to hear about all of your amazing fans. Oh no, not your amazing talent, but somehow your fans will decide the end of this match. But of course despite admitting what a miserable hasbeen hack you are, you still HAD to bring up those fans, and do the generic spiel about how much they love you. I'm sure they do Jared, you are such a non threatening presence for the children, mothers would have to look far and wide for someone who puts up less of a fight.
But of course to hear you Jared, I'm nothing. I only held the TV title longer than the rest of this league, was NEVER given another shot to give it back, defeated your long time rival in a run of the mill ho hum defense, and shoved back the only rival the GLCW could throw at me time and time again before he finally was able to get the victory over me. I finished Golem, I finished Edmunds, all of them are the nothings they deserve to be because of my thrashings. And now Wells, you, you the man who hasn't achieved anything in oh so long will get the treatment of those two who hadn't achieved anything in oh so long.
But I'll save you the ebonics, the Rage Against the Machine, the rants about my fan club, all that jazz. Jared, finally GLCW has given me the chance I wanted, not at a title, not at a fabulous prize, but simply to expose yet another pathetic has been. And I guess I am grateful. Nothing will fill me with more joy than to have you on the mat and in the final stages of agony, the steps that lead to you realizing I was right about it all. That you are indeed nothing. That I am the wronged party, the party you have no chance of a comeback against. That your fans are meaningless, that anything you accomplished in the ancient past is meaningless. That your amazing legendary feud with Sean Edmunds was meaningless. That every word that has come out of your mouth is meaningless. That there will only be two words coming out of your mouth in this contest that will have any meaning, and that they will save your career.
I. Quit. When you utter those words, you will be exposed. You will be humbled, but you may still have your health. If you can give up quickly enough, I'm sure you'll have something left for a walk down the big trail towards retirement, instead of being pushed down it on a wheel chair.
So when your music hits, don't expect me to be wowed by the response. Only expect one response from your fans to have any meaning to me, and that is the response to those little words. I am so interested to see what it is.
(camera opens up to Jared Wells leaving GOLD'S GYM in NEW YORK as he is carring his bags to his car and the camera stops at him for some comments)
'RAGE 'o FIRE': Woah, MR. JOB trying to talk the talk, but obviously can't walk that walk. The more you talk, the more your own words hurt you. I love to see a man frustrated, confused, lost. I know what your thinking right now. Your little flake streak of people you have beat is nothing.
You've *NEVER-EVER* faced me before in the ring. You've claimed to end careers, you've claimed to hurt people. I love it. Keep talking that crap JOBBER. I can see in your eyes your worried.................LOST!
My friend you are in a world of SHHHHHHHHHHHH..............you figure it out. You started something three months ago, and now your deeper than ever in your career. Of course....let's admit it....yes you were the television champion, yes you held it long.....but really who did you face? When you finally faced somebody that deserved it, you lost it. But hey, it happens pal.
Now that you've lost your touch, and my career happens to be rising slowly but surely, you want to just get on the bandwagon.....try to take some of the spark away from me. I told you before, I've gotta a second chance in life and I'm not letting it go. Getting jealous? I didn't say that, the people did. Also, why do you keep talking about SEAN EDMUNDS?!
(Wells snaps his fingers twice and points to his eyes)
RIGHT HERE DUDE! RIGHT HERE! Funny, the longer you speak to me the further you go out in the clouds. I'm here to keep you in line pal. Sure, I'm not the smartest man alive, and I'm certainly not that bright but I can fight. Walking out WIRED with your blood on my hands will be sweet, at the same time what else were you thinking?!
You dare to question my health? (LAUGHS) The more you take personal attacks on me the more I'm learning about you. Learning your really WEAK. You want to hurt my pride? Go ahead.....I'll just HURT you period. Everything that you dreamed of, everything that you thought was once real............will be gone. When I came to the GLCW I told everybody all the way to the fans to the guys in the back......I WILL BE THE BEST..........time will tell, and time is surely rolling. JOBBER, you've got a big mouth for a small guy. We all know this match should have happened years ago but it didn't.
You talk about the party......the only party you know about is the SAUSAGE PARTY. No titles, no prize money, no title shot rewards.....just one on one. Of course no flashy lights or any of that B-S......just a fight. Who's gonna come out on top?! My fans don't determine the ending but they will believe the end. From what I heard.....'ol RAGE is gonna whoop your ass, shut your mouth FINALLY. And if your list of people that you've man-handled couldn't do it.....(LAUGHS) My friend, I'm your reality check.
There will be no wheelchairs, there will be no retirement party.....BUT! But, there will be a sad day when your contract expires thanks to RAGE. You call me a *HAS-BEEN*, it's cool baby. (LAUGHS) I'll show you......OH........I'll show you. It's gonna be ugly.......your days are numbered JOBBBIE. Your fate rests in the hands of my fans.......it's either your blood on my hands, or your head on a stick.....PICK ONE!
...TIME HAS COME TO....................RAAAAAAAAAGGGGGEEEEEE....
(Cue up "The Sky is Falling and I Want My Mommy" by Jello Biafra and No Means No")
(Fade in to the Jobber's whitelandia compound, cut to the living room, couch, Jobber, action.)
The Jobber: Woah now, HOLD ON. Jared, I'm going to have to ask you to slow down. I can't process your words man, I have a 30 cliche a minute limit. Did you compose that rant from an unabridged collection of cliches and motivational slogans?
Honestly, I can't find an original thought in that entire spiel.
It's almost as if you saw what I said, saw the truth in the words I spoke and just went out to prove that you are nothing more than a collage of more successful ideas, wrestlers, and words. And you just throw them all together with no rhyme or reason. It's pretty funny when I think about it. Sad as well, but mostly just funny.
Of course Jared, your career is rising. You forgot "like a Phoenix", but I guess you aren't so hot at actually getting the lines right, just paraphrasing them. Your amazing rise to prominence, its so well recorded... oh wait... it seems you actually haven't been on the rise. It seems you've just done nothing but have the GLCW keep you from harm. Can't say I ever questioned your health, mostly your will to fight. Your ability too. And your intelligence.
But I guess as much as I laugh at your banter, in the end it is oh so boring. And senseless, but that's another rant.
Or this rant, whatever. I've got time. You said when I finally faced someone who deserved it they won. Jared Poe beat me for the belt, on his THIRD attempt to win it from me. Even Poe could get lucky given three attempts. But of course you were either too ignorant or lazy to actually look anything up, since all you know is how to assimilate ideas that are so easily accessible to you.
And of course that was hardly the high point of my career. My career has spanned far and wide, the Television Championship of GLCW was hardly its peak. It was one of the best parts of the trip... but not the best.
But here you've never been that far. You've barely even been to the point where you can laughably whine about how you were screwed out of barely being there. But yet you do.
Sorry I don't talk about you enough, doesn't feel to good being ignored for being a generic dried up untalented hack, does it? No need to snap at me though girlfriend, if you must be an attention whore I guess I'll at least pretend to care about what you say if it'll only shut you up before the final two words of your protected GLCW journey.
And frankly at this point it isn't so much about the victory. It is about those words, or the action that symbolizes them. I want you to concede defeat, to admit you cannot hang with top tier talent, to in three movements of your hand, or two of your lips to state that you Jared Wells are a hack, a fraud, a non issue in this league. A pin grants a victory, but when you tap out, you just prove how I was right all along.
Can't say I won't take the pinfall... but there will be a dissapointment there. But why would I care to hurt your pride Jared? My intentions have been clear this entire time, to END you in the ring. Not through words. Sure your pride will be GONE, but that is simply a by product of being humiliated in the middle of the ring.
(camera opens up to Jared Wells leaving his hotel room going down stairs and leaving for the gym)
JARED WELLS: Big words, or course, from a little man. What's really special about you is that your so caught up on how I'm speaking to you. It's as if you've never had a reality check before. Most of these guys that come around talk about death, skulls, black skies, rainy days........me, I just tell it like it is. What I feel comes rolling out of my mouth. I'm just your average Joe in the GLCW, always have been, always will be. Nothing fancy about me. Hmmmmmm, not too sure why when I go to an event the entire place is chanting my name!? I dunno, but I'm just some washed up wrestler right?!
You t keep insulting me over and over again. While you do that, I'm getting my war plan ready because at Wired all the questions will be answered, and your fate will finally rest in the hands of RAGE. I could sit here all day and just ramble on about the past, or listen to you lie, or I could tell you what I'm going to do to you. It's very simple JOBBIE, you have no chance what so ever. You think I'm a has-been, or a dried up piece of crap?! Fine, that's why I came back to wrestling dude. I came back to show the entire wrestling world who I am, and what I can do.
You really think I'm going to let some spoiled little brat like yourself ruin it?!
Nah, you just sit there and relax while you can because your days of sippin' tea are over. Funny you talk about pride.....because I'm not bringin' it to the ring. I will do whatever I have to do to become the winner. My fans understand I will do whatever necessary to get the job done JOBBIE. Your right, I haven't gotten far in the GLCW.......kinda funny a lot of people thought I wouldn't still be here today. I've already proved a lot of people wrong.
I've gotten a TV title shot which I lost thanks to M-W-G, but that's all in the past. There was an eight man battle royal which I went out there and gave it my best. Anarky and myself were the last two in the ring. You remember the battle royal DONT-CHA JOBBIE?! Of course you do. But again that's all in the past.
But really what does our match mean? Why are we here?! To me, it's not really a fight of my life......maybe five years ago when you still had it going on. But really JOBBIE, this match does not mean a damn thing. You cried to the GLCW about facing me......finally.......finally you got it. All I need is one chance..........ONE CHANCE to finish you.......embarrass you, and shut that loud mouth of yours UP! I think the TIME and TALKING IS DONE! I have nothing more to say to you.....see you at WIRED JOBBER!
(Fade into the Jobber's Whitelandia compound, the living room, him on the couch, etc, etc, etc.)
The Jobber: What. Seriously. What. This is ALL I have to say. Are you that incredibly stupid Jared? You complain how I'm saying I will hurt your pride, and then accuse me of being the one talking about it? Do you even listen to yourself talk? Everything in one of video contradicts what you said in the last.
Or are you just the world's first bipolar wrestler? I must have missed that in the press release.
Can't say I remember that battle royale. I may have been involved, I may not have been... I wasn't really paying attention since it wasn't really that important. But if being involved in some ho hum contendership battle royale is your career highlight, go you. I'll stick it on my resume one of these days.
But I must bow to your resume skills. "Once lost a match for the leagues secondary belt, Once lost a battle royale for shot at leagues top belt, Has stuck around despite doing absolutely nothing." That's a fine resume you have there. Could get you work at any of the nations top fast food retailers.
Oh, I forgot king of cliches. And of course you send them out as fast as you possibly can this time, as with every other time. But since your bipolar disorder seems to keep you from saying anything else that makes sense, I guess you might as well stick with what both sides of your personality can both make sense of.
Seems bipolar kicks in not just in between days, but in between sentences. In one breath you say how you are planning while I am insulting. Getting ready while I am talking. Then you say how this match is meaningless to you, then a second later begin shouting about how much you want to shut me up. How much you want to embarass me.
Seems to me that either bi polar makes you unable to distinguish between caring and not caring, or you are just lying. It's clear that I got under your skin. I got to you, and now you want to make me pay for exposing you. Do you realize how funny you look contradicting yourself like that? But I'm sure you can't even figure that out. You are too busy stuck being Mr. Generic, King of Cliches and bi polar.
I guess since you are bi polar I will be beating up a man with disabilities, but hopefully the federal government won't come after me for violating the Americans with Disabilities act. They'll just realize that some people need to be beaten to a pulp before they realize what senseless, talentless bipolar morons they are.
Jared, when this match has come and gone you will not be proud of being one of this leagues few non goth monsters, whichever one of your personalities survives will feel lucky that I beat the other halves of your demented mind out of your cranium, despite it being left with only a broken shell of your body.
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