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The Professional


the EX-QUEEN of FW~!
Jan 1, 2000
Greensboro USA
(FADEIN: Pee Wee Troutman in full REF’S gear sits at a table at an Italian restaurant.)

PEE WEE TROUTMAN: Ya know, Eddie most situations in life come down to what you’ve got as bait.

You come out here in front of the cameras and wait as your interns and straight out of high school production assistants in their sundresses and shoe horned in jeans count down and remind you to focus on the red light.

“Watch the red light Eddie and cast a line.”

Some men fish with dynamite others like yourself are the type to take the Hilton family yacht on a Lake just to be seen. In Rio, Miami, or anyone else in the world that freakin’ matters Eddie you’re just a face. You blend in like tea tree oil on a scalp. Nobody gives a shit what it is; they just want the itchin’ to stop.

But you take a fancy yacht on a Lake and buzz past church youth groups wake boarding and retired goat farmers trying to land a gully, you play like a big fucking deal.

Fishin’ for men is easy if you’re throwing a Menudo boy in a state prison. He’s going to draw more nibbles than a stick can be shook at.

But when all you’ve got are empty promises and a set of broken bones to offer, its going to be a long as hell day on the lake by your lonesome.

Nobody worth a damn is coming back to this hellhole. You’ve run off the men you used to make this company, and now you’re begging for the same men you stepped over to get where you are to break your fall back in the ring.

I know when you put on your Gillian’s hat and cast a line in the water with instagram hook ups feeding you some of Deddy’s white lightnin’ I gave to you this Christmas as a gift and being fed grapes you didn’t imagine landing a TROUTMAN. But you sure as shit have.

Anyone who has a BEEF with the President is welcome to show (holds up press release) it says…

You and JJ DEVILLE RUINED MY REPUTATION! I was the best ref this business has ever seen. I was trained personally by Carl Young, a God in this business who tragically suffered a massive heart attack in ring, but he was a legend for it!

Carl Young set the bar for every ref that followed. If you’re not willing to DIE for the locker room, for the enhancement of the product you’re not SPIT!

I was brought in to raise the bar of NFW officiating. JJ saw a weakness and he brought in PEE WEE TROUTMAN because he knew I’m a hardass who demands PERFECTION!

I worked with the other officials I passed along my WISDOM and I looked the other way as you hand picked winners from the MAYFIELD HOUSE TOURS like I was a roadie on Van Halen’s Panama tour. I kept my lips sealed as you worked your way back into shape wrestling angry lesbian truck drivers we chloroformed at roadhouses across the South. Those damn beavers were so angry when they came to, caged and in your personal rec room. But I REF’D those matches because I’m a PROFESSIONAL --- I say that knowing I looked past a foot on the rope or fast counted a couple of those beavers back to the white lines of I-40.


And for my service, I was fired!

Questionable decisions they say…

A Deville hire….who had to go…

Mayfield you were either BEHIND THIS or did squat to stop it! You have VETO power and you stood by and watched a true servant of this business get thrown out of NFW offices in a record six minutes.

REFs are used to being the silent majority, but no more!

I will answer your call Eddie. But I won’t be alone. I know I’m no match for you. PeeWee Troutman isn’t a fighter. He’s a poet, a lover, and a bit of a firebug but you know all of that because YOU HAVE MY PERSONNEL FILE AT YOUR FINGER TIPS!

I will have someone at my side. A man who’s bigger, stronger, faster….HE’S A COMPLETE KILLING MACHINE. And he owes me a personal favor because once upon a time I made a problem of his disappear.

And now he’s going to help me IMPEACH an asshole who should have just said THANK YOU and rolled over my contact, instead he showed how dumb he really is. In your version of LINCOLN Eddie, Abe saves John Wilkes the trouble and he shoots himself in the head.

“The Professional” Pee Wee Troutman for true change.


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