UCW's CIVIL WAR!!!

[thegr817deuce]

(** The UCW logo flashes across the Ultra-Tron and the crowd ERUPTS into cheers!!! A few seconds pass before fireworks EXPLODE on top of the stage, and rockets shoot from the rafters of the arena to the floor of the stage. The pyros finish, and the crowd continues to cheer, and hold up signs as "Civil War" by Guns N Roses blare over the PA System. The camera pans to the announce table where Rich Cruise, Doug Ross, and Rob Bitterman welcome everybody to the pay per view**)

RC: Welcome everybody to UCW Civil War!!! Hello everybody, I'm Rich Cruise joined as always by "The Doctor" Doug Ross, and Rob Bitterman! What an event we have lined up for you tonight!!

DR: Rich! This pay per view may be the BEST one we have lined up thus far!! Irish Red makes his FIRST UCW Title defense against Jonathan Marx in a parking lot brawl, and Dan Ryan, and Cameron Cruise will have their fates decided as one will either own a UCW World Championship Title shot OR the other wrestler's services for a MONTH!!!

RB: Don't forget Ross! We're going to crown a BRAND NEW UCW United States CHAMPION tonight!!!

DR: You are exactly right Rob! Either Damon Blackburn, AJ Cirrus, Adam Benjamin, or Beau Michaels will become your NEW UCW United States Champion!! What an EXCITING event that will be!

RC: Not only that folks but Beniotholic Anonymous will square off against John Doe!!! Two men who will be making their UCW in-ring debuts tonight!!!

DR: Those two PHENOMINAL superstars will be tremendous additions to the UCW roster, and we will see exactly how excellent they will be in just a few hours!!

RB: You know, Jericoholic Anonymous would've been a better addition to the roster but Ken Cloverleaf's IDIOT secretary messed EVERYTHING up!!

RC: Yes, and our first match of the evening is going to also be a TREMENDOUS way to kick off this spectacular pay per view as "The Muffin Man" Kin Hiroshi battles Promo in a TABLES MATCH!!

DR: And remember this all started when Promo BRUTALLY attacked Hiroshi two weeks ago on UCW's Revolution!!

RB: Yeah, and then that idiot “Muffin Man” fired back at Promo!! It was COMPLETELY ILLEGAL!!

DR: I don't know about that, but expect both these men to be on guard in this table match tonight. After all, both men are still suffering from the savage assaults that they’ve put each other through.

RB: Hiroshi doesn’t stand a chance against Promo tonight.

(CUE: “Wings of a Butterfly” by H.I.M. Kin Hiroshi makes his way from backstage, pausing a moment to pose with a fan for a picture. He rubs his ribcage, and makes sure the tape on his wrists are tight once in the ring. Hiroshi gets down in a ready stance, not sure what’s going to happen.)

RC: Hiroshi not taking any chances at being jumped by Promo here tonight.

DR: You can tell Hiroshi’s fired up, and ready to go punch-for-punch with Promo.

RC: Speak the man’s name, and he shall be delivered…

(CUE: "My Damnation" by Drill 187 begins to play as the lights in the arena go dark and the stage area fills with smoke. White lights slowly illuminate from behind the smoke and the silhouette of a man with a Singapore cane raised in the air can be seen. A large pyro explosion goes off as the arena lights come back on and Promo makes his way to the ring.)

RB: Look at Promo, he’s ready for Hiroshi.

(Hiroshi rolls out of the far side of the ring, and makes room for Promo. Once in the ring, Promo climbs to the second turnbuckle and raises the Singapore Cane pointing directly at Hiroshi.)

RC: He’s calling out Hiroshi. Both men wanted it, and it looks like this match is finally about to happen.

(Hiroshi slides back into the ring, cautiously. The referee takes the Singapore Cane from Promo, and looks both men over before calling for the start of the match.)

RC: Both Hiroshi and Promo are circling the ring, they’ve both attacked each other, but this is the first time they’ve had to judge each other’s styles in the ring.

RB: Look for Promo to make the first move and finish this faster than Hiroshi’s muffins rise.

RC: Both me lock up, and Promo with a hammerlock on Hiroshi. Hiroshi with a headlock on Promo…

DR: The crowd is in awe here, I think they expect an all-out, knock-down, drag-out slug-fest.

(Promo pushes Hiroshi off and into the ropes. Promo drops down and Hiroshi steps over and comes off the opposite ropes this time with a shoulder block that staggers Promo, but doesn’t budge him.)

RB: Look at Hiroshi’s face! He doesn’t know what he’s gotten into now!

RC: Hiroshi definitely thought Promo would go down with that shoulder.

(Another lock-up, and this time its Hiroshi with the hammerlock. Reversed into a snapmare by Promo, but Hiroshi rolls through and stand right up.)

RB: Yaaaaaawn. Come on! We want hardcore! This is a tables match.

(Promo and Hiroshi get up toe-to-toe, staring each other down. Hiroshi winks at Promo, but Promo isn’t phased. Hiroshi blows a kiss at Promo, and the big man shoves the Muffin Man backwards. Hiroshi comes roaring back with a shove of his own, but it doesn’t budge Promo.)

DR: Hiroshi’s the smaller man here, and even with his strength he’s not moving Promo.

RC: Promo stalking a back-peddling Hiroshi into the corner.

(Hiroshi waits until Promo is right on him, and starts in with right jabs and left hooks. Kin backs Promo into the corner, and mounts up)

CROWD: 1!!

2!!

3!!

4!!

5!!

6!!

7…

(Promo shoves Hiroshi to the mat, and charges the downed man, stomping him as he sprints past.)

RC: Ouch! Hiroshi’s head just bounced off the canvas.

RB: I’m telling you, Promo’s got the size, he’s got the agility, he’s got the power: Hiroshi’s in trouble.

(Promo picks Hiroshi up, and tosses him against the ropes, and downs him with a clothesline. He picks up Hiroshi again and sends him into the ropes, but follows up with a rising-knee that sends Hiroshi outside.)

RC: Kin’s not much to look at right now. I think that knee to the ribs may have just cancelled out all the work Hiroshi’s put into recovery after the attack from Promo two weeks ago.

RB: Who cares? Hiroshi beat up Promo last week, and Promo doesn’t seem to have lost a step!

(Hiroshi on his hands and knees, and Promo hops off the ring apron after The Muffin Man.)

RC: There’s no DQ in this match…

RB: Only splintered bodies and broken wood.

DR: You mean splintered wood and broken bodies.

RB: Sure, I guess I was talking about the after party.

(Promo standing Hiroshi up, and Hiroshi rakes Promo’s eyes, and stumbles around the ring. Promo gets his bearings, and climbs back into the ring, where Hiroshi is tossing a table he’s acquired from under the ring. The crowd pops huge upon seeing the table.)

RC: Looks like business is picking up.

(Hiroshi slides into the ring, and is stomped by Promo. Yet again, Hiroshi is picked up by Promo, and the big man lays into Hiroshi’s mid-section with a barrage of punches.)

DR: Hiroshi’s in pain. Those ribs aren’t holding up like he had hoped for.

(Promo ties up Hiroshi, and suplexes him onto the unfolded table. The table cracks, but the metal supports keep it from breaking under the pressure. Hiroshi grasps his back and flops on the ground like a fish out of water. Promo take the table and props it in a corner.)

RB: Promo’s going for it! He’s going to end this quickly and send Hiroshi head first through that table…

(Promo turns back towards Hiroshi but is caught with a running forearm that sends both men down to the mat. Promo rolls over, clearing out the cobwebs, and Hiroshi rises with him.)

RC: Both men are back on their feet, and we’re back at square one.

RB: Except that Promo is kicking Hiroshi’s ass right now!

(Both men lock up, and Hiroshi sends Promo against the ropes. Hiroshi with a leap frog, and a hurricarana as Promo comes back around, spiking Promo dead center ring.)

RC: Hiroshi’s eyeing that table, and he’s thinking about it.

(Hiroshi picks up Promo and doubles him over with a kick to the stomach. He swings the bigger man onto his shoulders, and charges the table propped in the corner, but plants Promo with a running powerbomb a few feet short. Hiroshi shakes his head, and knocks the table out of the ring.)

RC: I…I don’t get it. Hiroshi had the match. He just had to put two more steps into that powerbomb, and it would have been over.

RB: It’s going to cost him the match. Hiroshi isn’t strong enough right now to keep up Promo.

(Hiroshi rolls out of the ring, and sets up the table outside of the ring. He reaches into the ring, and snags Promo’s boot and starts to pull him out of the ring…)

RC: Woah! Promo just planted that size 14 right into Hiroshi’s nose. Yup, the Muffin Man is bleeding from the nose and mouth, and looks to be out cold on that table.

RB: See, I told you it would cost Hiroshi the match!

DR: Hiroshi better get back into this quick or it’s going to be over fast.

(Promo picks Hiroshi off the table, and puts him on the ring apron. Promo up on the ring apron, picking Hiroshi up. Promo swings behind Hiroshi, and locks his arms around Hiroshi’s waist.)

RB: PROMOPLEX! PROMOPLEX!!

RC: I don’t think so, Hiroshi’s got a firm lock on the ropes.

(Hiroshi reaches behind and nails Promo with a few elbows to the head, dropping Promo off the apron. Hiroshi quickly ducks between the ropes before Promo can trip him up. Kin charges the far ropes, and hits Promo with a baseball slide, this time sending Promo onto the table.)

DR: Now it’s Hiroshi’s turn.

RB: Again. Don’t worry, he’ll balk.

(Hiroshi climbs the turnbuckles, and steadies himself on the top. He slaps his elbow, and looks down at Promo.)

RC: Looks like we’re in for a new flavor from Hiroshi-Berry Inc.: The High-Flying Muffin.

RB: Nice try, but lame attempt.

(Hiroshi still looking over Promo and the table, shaking his head he hops off the turnbuckle, and slides out of the ring. The fans, confused and upset, start booing Hiroshi.)

RB: I’ve got it: he’s stupid. That’s the only explanation for this. Kin Hiroshi is stupid.

RC: Either that, or he doesn’t like the table being there.

RB: Whatever, he signed his name on the line. He KNEW that he had to put Promo through a table.

DR: That doesn’t mean he likes it.

(Hiroshi pulls Promo off the table, and tosses him under the ropes. Kin climbs up onto the apron, and begins to stalk a rising Promo. Promo wavering on one knee, as Hiroshi comes in for the kill.)

RC: Whatever Hiroshi is planning, it may not be enough. After all, he still HAS to put Promo through that table to get the check in the “Win Column.”

(Hiroshi grabs Promo by the head, but Promo fires punches at Hiroshi’s stomach.)

RB: ‘Atta boy!

(Promo on his feet now, still firing punches at Hiroshi. Tie up, and Promo sends Hiroshi into the ropes, boot to the stomach. Promo tosses Hiroshi’s arm over his head, and lifts Hiroshi up.)

RC: All that blood is rushing to an already busted open Hiroshi’s head. Promo’s going to make him pass out, if he holds him up there…

RB: OH MY GOD! Promo just drove Hiroshi’s head right into the ground!

DR: Textbook brainbuster by Promo.

RB: I think I see brains scattered on the mat.

(Promo rolls out of the ring, and grabs the already standing table, and tosses it into the ring. He then pulls another table out from under the ring, and tosses that one in as well.)

RC: Looks like Promo just wants it more than Hiroshi does, and he’s setting up one table on top of the other.

DR: I’d say that he’s looking to finish Hiroshi right off here.

(Promo pulls Hiroshi up, and the masked superstar climbs to the top rope.)

RC: Looks like this is it, he couldn’t get the job done on the apron earlier but this time I think Hiroshi’s going for a ride…

DR: Good God!! It looks like Promo is going for a powerbomb!!! My God he's going to give Hiroshi a TOP ROPE powerbomb through those tables!!! He's going to break his neck!!!

RB: Good riddance. It'll be nice not having "The Muffin Man" in this federation anymore

(Promo reaches the top, sits on the top turnbuckle and grabs Hiroshi... The Muffin Man tries to break the hold, but Promo is able to lift Hiroshi up and...)

RC: TOP ROPE POWERBOMB BY PROMO THROUGH THE TABLE!!!! MY GOD THIS ONE IS OVE......WAIT!!!

DR: HURRICANRANA!!! HURRICANRANA BY HIROSHI!!!

RB: He SENT Promo through the table!!! .

DR: My God what a turn of events folks!!! Kin Hiroshi looked like he was going to take a top rope powerbomb through the table, but he reversed it into a hurricanrana and sent Promo through the table!!!!

THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH: THE MUFFIN MAN: KIIIINNNN HIRRROOOOSSHIIIIII!!!!!

(Hiroshi rolls out of the ring, collapsing straight to the floor. He starts crawling backstage. Promo stands out of the wreckage of two tables and shakes the cobwebs loose.)

RC: What a match folks! What a BRUTAL battle between these two UCW Superstars!!

RB: That idiot Hiroshi TRICKED Promo!!! He cheated!!!

DR: I don't know about that, but if I were a betting man, I’d say that things aren’t settled between these two, and whether Hiroshi wanted to use a table for the win or not, he walks out of Civil War with a BIG win!!

RC: Things may not be settled Ross, we'll certainly find that out in the coming weeks, but coming up next is the in-ring debuts of Benoitholic Anonymous, and John Doe! Stay tuned!!!

RC: Welcome back to UCW Civil War folks!! What an excellent opening tables match we just saw between Promo, and Kin Hiroshi!!

RB: It's just a shame that Hiroshi cheated to win!! Promo won't let him get away with that for too long!!

RC: Well, we have ANOTHER excellent match, that will be the in-ring debuts of both Benoitholic Anonymous, and John Doe as the two square off against each other!

RB: I still have no earthly idea why this particular Anonymous is being aloud in the ring.

RC: Say what you want about their antics, the Anonymous clan can wrestle... and I’m sure that Benoitholic is no different. Any thoughts, Doctor?

DR: Just that I can’t wait to see these two go at it in the ring.

RC: With that, let’s take it down to ringside for the introductions.

(Down at the ring...)

Ring Announcer: This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Philadelphia, PA... at five feet, eleven inches and weighing in at two hundred and twenty-five pounds, he is BENOITHOLIC ANONYMOUS!

(Crowd pops for this unorthodox character... He blasts onto the entrance ramp with, you guessed it, a can of Jolt Soda... He throws his head back and chugs...)

RC: BA now making his way to the ring and it looks like he’s still hyped up on Jolt.

DR: This kid might get fatigued really easily once that sugar high finally wears off.

RB: I think the moron is practically all sugar already.

(Back to the ring...)

Ring Announcer: His opponent, from parts unknown, stands five feet, ten inches and weighs in at two hundred and fifteen pounds. He is... JOHN DOE!

(John Doe comes out to a little bit of a mixed reaction, but mostly cheers... He’s also carrying a Jolt soda in his hand and he’s looking up at BA in the ring... He pretends to be hyped up on caffeine and stumbles around, half retarded, before finally flashing a disgusted look toward the ring and tossing the can of Jolt behind him, without looking...)

RB: Somebody had to make fun of that idiot.

RC: The fans are clearly behind Benoitholic in this one. It’s a strange match up that could get even more strange as time progresses.

(The bell rings with both men now staring at each other in the ring...)

RC: Benoitholic wastes no time as he runs toward Doe. Doe sends him down with a shoulder block and BA quickly back up and running the ropes. Again he’s down with a shoulder bock and he stays on his back.

RB: John Doe looks to bring the fight to the twentieth monkey’s uncle’s brother of Jerichoholic Anonymous on his mother’s side, twice removed... and I’m loving it!

RC: No matter what Bitterman has for jokes, Doe does indeed start his offense. He’s got BA’s foot while BA’s still on his back, twisting it.

DR: He’s trying to take away BA’s sugar-fueled legs. Good strategy, if you ask me.

RB: We didn’t, but it is.

RC: BA attempting to break free and he manages to roll over onto his belly and get to the ropes. John Doe pauses before letting lose of him.

(The crowd shows their appreciation...)

DR: That takes a lot of class when you have your opponent down like that.

RC: Benoitholic is back on his feet and wastes no time once again trying to pick up his offensive game. Dropdown Toehold from BA and now he’s got John Doe on the mat. John Doe reverses it into a rear chinlock... and we’ve got a little bit of a technical exhibition from these two competitors!

RB: It’ll break down soon enough.

RC: Benoitholic is trying to break free of the hold. John Doe releases him... only to drop a couple of fists into the back of BA’s head. BA down on the mat and a few elbows from John Doe.

RB: What did I tell you?

DR: Doe really has seemed disgusted with Benoitholic in recent segments on UCW television.

RC: Both men to their feet... BA visibly more shaken up. John Doe goes for a DDT but BA escapes! BA with lefts and rights to John Doe’s head... Doe is being rocked with those closed fists. DROPKICK! Doe goes down.

RB: Would you look at this idiot running in place and pumping his arms... he’ll be out of steam in no time.

RC: Benoitholic trying to live up to his submission expert namesake. He’s got Doe in a Liontamer.

DR: Doe doesn’t look like he wants that to happen...

RC: John Doe escapes... BA has his back to Doe and Doe kicks BA away from him. Both men are on their feet... BA turns around... HURRICANRANA!!!!! Benoitholic is down and Doe goes for the cover...

1...

2...

RC: Only a two count and Doe is back on the attack. He has BA up in a headlock... TORNADO DDT!

RB: It’s not looking good for the sugar man. Doe has kicked it up a notch isn’t looking like he’ll be letting up anytime soon.

DR: I don’t know. Benoitholic seems to have an inexhaustible amount of energy in reserve. I’m starting to think the Jolt Cola isn’t the sole culprit.

RC: Regardless, Benoitholic is indeed in serious trouble as Doe has been in charge of this match. Doe with a serious of German Suplexes and now whips BA into the ropes. SHOULDER TACKLE! The fans are really enjoying this contest, guys.

DR: This is what it’s all about! UCW!

RC: Doe runs the ropes and attempts a cross body block, but BA MOVES OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!

DR: This could be the momentum shift right here...

RC: BA is up and pumped! He looks to the crowd and does his best Ultimate Warrior impersonation!

RB: Correction Rich, it’s Warrior Warrior now.

RC: Doe is up on his feet. He turns around and Benoitholic is there to take his legs out from under him. BA going for another Liontamer!

DR: He’s got this one cinched in nicely...

RC: Doe is still trying to make it to the ropes, but it doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere. This match could be over quickly.

(The crowd is on their feet cheering for their individual favorite... Some are screaming for John Doe to reverse the hold or get to the ropes... Others are screaming for Benoitholic Anonymous to finish John Doe off by locking in the hold just a little tighter...)

RB: I’ll have to admit that the crowd is enjoying every last minute of this match.

RC: I don’t know how much longer Doe will be able to hang on. The ref is out of position and seems to be confused about how to position himself...

(A brief moment passes with the crowd still at almost intolerable decibels...)

RC: What’s Doe doing? He’s straining and reaching back to tap BA on the back!

DR: BA can’t see the ref out of the corner of his eye because of the bad positioning. He thinks the ref is telling him it’s over!

RC: Benoitholic releases the hold and is dancing around the ring in an absolute frenzy. Doe is still on the mat, but he’s struggling to get up.

DR: Doe is in an obvious amount of pain.

RB: But the crazy Jolt Soda drinking fool is oblivious to it all.

RC: BA goes over to the ref and waits for his hand to be raised, but of course the ref won’t do it. There is a little bit of arguing going on.

RB: Meanwhile, John Doe is up and composing himself.

DR: This doesn’t look good for BA.

RC: The ref is explaining that he can’t call for the bell... BA finally turns around to start back on the attack with John Doe...

RB: Doe is ready.

RC: AMNESIA ATTACK! Doe just hit the Amnesia Attack on Benoitholic. He goes for the cover...

1...

2...

3!!!!!

The winner of this match as a result of a pinfall... JOHN DOE!!!!!!!!!!

RC: What a victory for John Doe, and what an extremely impressive debut here at UCW Civil War!!

DR: He faced an extremely impressive competitor in Benoitholic Anonymous as well. Both of these superstars will most certainly cross paths in the future, and who knows....could possibly battle for the UCW World Heavyweight Championship in the future!

RC: They're certainly capable of big things, but we're going to go to a commercial for our FOURTH ever pay per view that the UCW will present to you folks at home next month!!!

(The scene fades from the arena at the crowd to the UCW Tron, and opens to The Sergeant all by his lonesome in his living room at an undisclosed location... He’s wearing his typical desert camouflage cargo pants, desert combat boots, and a plain black t-shirt... He has a bottle of Bacardi 151 and a small shot glass on his coffee table...)

The Sergeant: After my inauspicious departure from another wrestling federation, I’ve been left with not a whole hell of a lot to do. What was supposed to elevate me to a higher status in wrestling and eventually lead me to the main event instead almost ruined me. It was my lowest moment... the day I actually quit.

(Sarge lowers his head slightly but quickly raises it back up...)

I was definitely at rock bottom. I felt that the fans would never trust me again, but over time the letters continued pouring in. Each and every one of them telling me to keep my head up and not to let any of what transpired keep me down. After this, I now know that the fans are still behind me and that they understand I am still the man I say I am... combat tested and mother approved. It’s been difficult for me to find the courage to step back in the ring, though.

Then a man spoke my name here in UCW... and my attitude changed.

(A newfound spark is evident in Sarge’s eyes)

Some of the best in the business compete here. It’s amazing to me that I hadn’t thought of UCW sooner. The chance to compete against the best again. The fans roaring my name in approval. It’s funny how the words of a World Champion can carry across the wrestling world to a five-foot-ten, two hundred and one pounder from Springfield, Missouri.

Nonetheless, Irishred has spoken of The Sergeant. He wants new and great talent here to compete with. He feels that he’ll be stuck at the top if there is nobody here to challenge him. He said my name... and now I’m here.

(He takes a slightly long pause before continuing...)

I’m here to prove that my slow rise in Empire Pro is for real, and that my total and utter dismantling at the hands of a gang of thugs in A1E was nothing more than a learning experience.

UCW World Champion Irishred says that I am just the type of talent that he and UCW need.

Guess what, ladies and gents... that is exactly what I am here to prove.

There is no end to the great people I’ll be able to test myself against. Promo, Hiroshi, The First, Dan Ryan, and the champ... among others. What an opportunity to prove myself.

I don’t plan on letting the fans or myself down ever again.

(He slowly pours a shot of 151 into his shot glass...)

The confidence is back in my step, fans. Watch out! The Sergeant is taking his message of fighting spirit and technical skill to the streets. UCW is about to be flipped on its head.

Here’s to new beginnings!

(Sarge grabs his shot of Bacardi 151 and holds it out toward the camera before throwing it back in one go... Scene fades...)

RC: We're back here at UCW's THIRD pay per view. This is UCW Civil War folks! I’m Rich Cruise joined as always by my partners in crime “The Doctor” Doug Ross, and Rob Bitterman!

DR: What a pay per view it has been so far! The Sergeant has made his UCW debut!!!

RB: He's just a waste of life, and a drunk!!! Did you see him drinking! He's not even in this federation yet, and he's PLASTERED!!! If I were Ken Cloverleaf I'd fire him for UCW's substance abuse policy!

RC: Well I don't agree with that one bit! He is certainly here to make an impact in UCW, and it looks like he's targeting our UCW World Heavyweight Champion Irish Red!

RB: Well he'll get to face Red at the next UCW Revolution after Jonathan Marx defeats him and becomes UCW World Heavyweight Champion later tonight!

DR: Well that remains to be seen, but our next match is going to be a spectacle to behold!

RC: You're right because these two men hate each other so much that this arena might not be large enough to hold the both of them!

DR: And the two men we are talking about is EPW owner Dan Ryan, and the up-and-coming UCW star Cameron Cruise!

RB: These two men might just kill each other in a no-holds barred, double contract ladder match!

DR: This is a first of its kind in any federation folks! There will be a briefcase hanging above the ring with TWO contracts inside of it. The first contract states that you gain a UCW Title shot WHENEVER you want it…any time, and any place.

RB: Yeah but the second contract is my favorite Ross! One man will have COMPLETE control over the other until the next pay per view!! So for FOUR weeks, one man is the
other one's SLAVE! He can do whatever he wants with him!

DR: Keep in mind, that the wrestler who wins has to choose what is more important to them. They DO NOT get both contracts…it's either one or the other. They can choose to have the other superstar as a slave or the automatic title shot!

RB: I can’t wait for this one!!

RC: Me neither, let’s get down to ringside!

(** “Fire it up” by Black Label Society hits over the PA system, and Cameron Cruise shoots out from behind the curtain to an ENORMOUS pop from the sold-out crowd.**)

RC: Listen to the ovation from this capacity crowd for ‘The Crippler” Cameron Cruise!! You can clearly see who the crowd wants to win this one already!!

DR: Dan Ryan is one of the most hated wrestlers in the business so to see somebody possibly get one over on him or EVEN have Ryan become Cruise’s slave would be gigantic!!

RC: And it may very well happen here tonight if Cameron Cruise reaches the briefcase first, and pulls out the ownership contract!

(** Cruise slowly eyes the ladder that is resting in the entrance way and eerily walks past it before walking in stride with his head up high, entering the ring**)

DR: Yes, but who’s to say that he will take the ownership contract…there IS an AUTOMATIC shot at the UCW World Heavyweight Championship contract in that briefcase as well!

RB: Who’s to say that Cameron Cruise is going to win??? Dan Ryan is going to SQUASH him like that overachieving bug he is!! You’ll find out why Ryan is superior in all ways here tonight! Look at Cruise as he passed the ladder! He’s NEVER been in a big time match like this!

(** The opening chords to “Zero” by the Smashing Pumpkins hits over the PA system, and “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan makes his way through the curtain to a deafening chorus of boos, and jeers.**)

RB: Well we can CLEARLY see who the crowd is rooting for here tonight! It makes me SICK to see that these stupid fans don’t recognize true talent when they see it!

DR: Or maybe they just don’t like being held down! Maybe they want to see the good guy win instead of Dan Ryan!

RB: Well it isn’t going to happen tonight! Did you see how SCARED Cameron Cruise looked when he passed that ladder in the entrance way?!?

DR: I don’t think I would call it scared…Cameron Cruise looks as focused as I’ve ever seen him before in my wrestling career!

RC: We will find out here as Dan Ryan enters the ring and this match is about to get underway!

*Ding Ding Ding *

DR: Look at Cameron Cruise! Ryan just entered the ring but Cruise is GLARING down his EPW boss as he comes through the ropes!!

RB: That’s a good way to get yourself fired from EPW!!

RC: Well it looks like that’s what he’s trying to do as these two stare each other down in the center of the ring!!

DR: Look at Ryan! He must have THREE inches on Cameron Cruse but The Crippler isn’t backing down!! He is giving Dan Ryan an earful right now!!

RC: And Ryan is just smirking back at Cruise!!

RB: It’s because Ryan faces chumps like Cruise all the time! Cruise has NEVER faced anybody as great as Dan Ryan!!

RC: Cruise is still SCREAMING at Dan Ryan, and Ryan is just taking it all in! It looks like Cruise is getting upset now!

DR: OH GOD!!!!

RC: The crowd JUST let out a collective gasp as Cameron Cruise SLAPPED the taste out of Dan Ryan’s mouth!!

DR: And Ryan just smirked back at Cameron Cruise!! Oh my!!

RB: It’s going to take a lot more than a measly slap to the face to take down Dan Ryan!!

RC: I think that was just a warning shot by Cameron Cruise!

RB: Well Cruise better figure out another strategy to take down Dan Ryan or else he’s going to be Ryan’s SLAVE!

RC: Cruise bounces off the far ropes and charges toward Dan Ryan!

DR: DROPKICK by Cameron Cruise!!!

RB: But it doesn’t knock the big man down!! Ryan is still stumbling backwards from that dropkick by Cruise!!

RC: Cruise hits the far ropes one more time…

DR: OH MY GOD!!!!

RC: CROSS BODY BLOCK on the stumbling Dan Ryan!!! And both UCW superstars are sent over the top rope, and to the floor!!! My God what a cross body block by Cameron Cruise!!

DR: I haven’t seen anything like that before in my life!! Cameron Cruise just put his body on the line to knock Dan Ryan off his feet, and to the outside of the ring!! Cameron Cruise wants to beat Dan Ryan in the WORST way!!!

RC: And it looks like Dan Ryan caught the worst of that encounter as Cameron Cruise is back to his feet, and stomping away on the Ego Buster!

DR: Cruise picks up Ryan and SLAMS his head right off the ring apron, and that hurt the big man!

RC: Cruise gives Ryan a kick to the stomach and puts him in a front face lock!

DR: DDT on the arena floor by Cameron Cruise!!! And Cruise has looked impressive here in the early going of this match!

RC: It looks like Cruise isn’t done either because “The Crippler” is right back up to his feet! My God Cruise wants this match!!

DR: Cruise stomps away on the fallen Dan Ryan one more time!

RC: Uh oh, look out here!! Cameron Cruise is climbing onto the ring apron, and he’s eyeing up the fallen Dan Ryan who is still on the mat!

DR: This can’t be good for Dan Ryan!

RC: Cruise continues to wait on the apron, while Ryan begins to rise to his feet!

DR: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!!!!

RC: HURRICANRANA BY CRUISE FROM THE APRON!!!! What a move by the Crippler!! My God he has a vendetta against Dan Ryan and he wants this match BADLY!!!

DR: And Ryan has to be stunned at the way Cameron Cruise has just attacked, and attacked him, but you have to believe that Ryan has more fuel left in the tank!

RC: Well we’re going to find out here, as Cruise circles the ring to the entrance ramp, and eyes up the ladder that is standing at the end of the entrance!

DR: He’s going for the kill right now!

RB: EVERYBODY knows that Ryan isn’t going to lose to this punk! Enjoy the fun you’re having with Cruise now…it’ll be over soon!

RC: Well this whole MATCH may be over if Cruise can make it to the ladder, and get the briefcase before Ryan gets to his feet!

RB: I will eat my headset if that happens! No way is Cruise winning it like this!

RC: Well Cruise does have the ladder in hand, and he’s bringing it back to the ring with him, but Dan Ryan is up to his feet on the outside of the ring!

DR: Cruise slides the ladder in the ring, and Ryan begins to climb the ring steps!

RC: Uh-oh, Cruise has the ladder in hand and Dan Ryan is on the ring apron!! My God he’s going to charge at Ryan, and knock him off the apron with the ladder!

DR: Cruise CHARGES at Ryan with the ladder in hand!!!

RC: But Ryan ducks, and Cruise THROWS the ladder to the outside!!!

DR: Ryan kicks Cruise in the stomach….and uh oh--- Ryan has Cruise in a front face lock position now!!!

RC: What is Dan Ryan going to do now? This could get ugly REAL fast!!!

DR: OH MY GOD!!!!

RC: GOOD GOD THAT COULD’VE BROKEN HIS BACK!!!

DR: Dan Ryan JUST suplexed Cameron Cruise from the inside of the ring to the outside ONTO the STEEL LADDER!!! MY GOD!!! This crowd is in a frenzy!!!

RC: How in the WORLD is Cameron Cruise going to climb the ladder to retrieve the briefcase?!?

RB: I TOLD YOU the tide of the match would turn!! Dan Ryan wouldn’t let this punk get the better of him!

DR: Well it’s not over yet….but it certainly isn’t looking good for Cameron Cruise after that suplex to the outside on the steel ladder!!!

RC: You have to wonder what kind of a toll that took on Dan Ryan as well when he went from the inside of the ring, and dropped onto the floor?!?

DR: Well it did look like Ryan was in pain, but CLEARLY not as much as Cameron Cruise!

RC: Ryan is back up to his feet, and it is the Ego Buster that is the aggressor now!

RB: And he’s doing a great job at busting that idiot Cruise’s Ego with that suplex!!

RC: Well Ryan does have the ladder in hand! What is he going to do with it now?

DR: Oh my!! A shot to the EXPOSED back of Cruise with the ladder!! And another!!! And ANOTHER!!! My God!! Somebody stop this!!!

RC: Cameron Cruise’s back is not going to be in good shape after this one is over!

RB: He’s FINALLY turned from “The Crippler” to “The Crippled!!!” I love it!!

DR: And look at Dan Ryan continue to smirk as Cameron Cruise lies on the mat outside the ring withering in pain!!!

RC: Ryan gives Cruise one more boot to the mid-section for good measure before he slides the ladder back into the ring, and ducks underneath the bottom rope!

RB: This is it!! Cruise doesn’t have a chance! He’s going to be Dan Ryan’s slave!!

DR: Remember Ryan could have the chance at the UCW World Heavyweight Championship too!

RC: Ryan sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, and eyes the briefcase hanging 15 feet above him before steadying the ladder, and beginning his ascent!

DR: Cruise is only up to his knees, and he’s STILL favoring that injured back! I don’t know if he’ll be able to make it back into the ring!!

RC: Ryan continues to move up the ladder!! The Ego Buster is halfway to the top, and eyeing that metal briefcase!!

DR: And with that 6-foot-7 frame it might be even easier for him to bring it down!! He’s not too far from the case already!

RC: But look at Cruise as The Crippler gingerly rolls underneath the bottom rope! He might not be moving as quick as he normally does but regardless he’s in the ring!!

DR: But it might not be enough!! Dan Ryan has a hand on the briefcase, and he’s trying to pull it down!!

RC: Cruise is using the ropes to pull himself up to his feet!!

DR: And Ryan has both hands on the briefcase!! He’s about to pull it down!!! Can Cruise reach his feet in time??


RC: OH MY!!!


DR: Cruise just came OUT OF NOWHERE, and dropkicked the ladder!!! Where in the WORLD did Cameron Cruise find the energy to do that?!?!

RC: I don’t know, but Ryan rolled to the outside of the ring, Cruise collapsed in the middle of the ring holding his back, and the briefcase is swaying back, and forth above both of them!!!

DR: My God the crowd is on its feet here at UCW Civil War!!! What a WAR we are witnessing between two men who DESPISE each other in Dan Ryan, and Cameron Cruise!!!

RC: Who will be the first to reach the briefcase and have his choice at either a UCW World Heavyweight Championship shot or to make the other wrestler his slave?!? Dan Ryan was INCHES away from making it happen!! Now he lies on the outside of the ring!

DR: And Cameron Cruise is up to both knees, and eyeing that briefcase above him! You can clearly see that he is in a giant amount of pain as he winces, but I don’t think that the dream of becoming the UCW World Heavyweight Champion or having Dan Ryan as his slave would stop that!!

RC: Well Ryan is still on the outside of the ring, he clearly looks like the fresher of the two men, but Cruise has a hold on the ladder, and is beginning to set it up in the middle of the ring injured back and all!!

DR: What a display of GUTS and DETERMINATION by Cameron Cruise we are witnessing here tonight!!

RC: Cruise has the ladder set up, and he is beginning is ascent up the ladder….wait a minute???

DR: Look at Dan Ryan on the outside!!! He’s setting up a table by the edge of the ring on the side of the entranceway!!! Good God What could the Ego Buster be thinking?!?!

RB: I don’t know but I think I like it!

RC: Well I don’t know what he’s doing, but Cameron Cruise is halfway up the ladder, and can almost reach the briefcase!!

DR: But Ryan slides back into the ring!!! This could get ugly in a hurry because The Ego Buster is on the other side of that ladder with Cruise!!

RC: Cruise has a hand on the briefcase!!! Can he pull it down in time before Ryan reaches the top?!?

DR: I think Dan Ryan's size might work to his advantage
as he tries to catch Cameron Cruise before he pulls down the briefcase!

RC: Cruise has both hands on the briefcase!! My God Dan Ryan
could be Cameron Cruise's slave for a MONTH!!!

RB: NOOOO!!! You can’t let him win Ryan!!! Get that briefcase!!!


DR: OH NO!!! Dan Ryan NAILS Cruise with a right hand to the face before he could pull down the case!!!


RC: Uh oh-- Cruise is stunned, and drops hold of the briefcase!! The metal object is now swinging back, and forth above these two PHENOMINAL UCW Superstars!!


RB: That's it Dan Ryan!! Give him another one for good measure!! Knock him off the ladder so he is FORCED to be your SLAVE!!

DR: But Cruise gains his bearings, and fights back with a right hand to the face of Dan Ryan!

RC: That didn't seem to phase the big man as Ryan responds with a right
hand to the face of Cruise!!

RB: Those puny right hands won't do ANY damage to a man as large as Dan Ryan!!

RC: The crowd is on its feet as these two UCW Superstars battle with
rights, and lefts on top of the ladder!!!

DR: The question is, "Which one is going to gain the advantage long enough to grab the briefcase at the top of the ladder?!?!" My God this is
unbelievable!!!

RB: Poke him in the eyes Ryan!!! You can't let that idiot Cruise gain the
upper-hand! You own him!!!

RC: Ryan NAILS Cruise with ANOTHER right hand that sends “The Crippler” off-balance, and reeling!!!

RB: This is it Ryan!!! Get the briefcase!!!!

DR: Oh God!!! Dan Ryan has grabbed the briefcase with the two contracts inside!!!! Can he pull it down, and either earn a shot at the UCW World Heavyweight Championship or will he make Cameron Cruise his SLAVE!!!

RC: The crowd is STILL on its feet desperately behind Cameron Cruise!!!

DR: And Cruise also grabs the briefcase!!! Both Dan Ryan, and Cameron Cruise have a secure grip on the briefcase at the top of the ladder!!! Oh my!!!!


(**HUGE CROWD POP**)


RC: THE LADDER FELL!!! MY GOD THE LADDER FELL!!!


DR: BOTH UCW Superstars are HANGING by the support cable, with each hand firmly grasped onto the metal briefcase that holds their fate inside of it!!!

RB: Knock him off Ryan!!! You can’t let him hold on, and beat you!!!

DR: Which of these UCW Superstars has enough strength…..enough energy to hold on, and pull down the briefcase!!!

RC: Dan Ryan just put his legs around the torso of Cameron Cruise!!! He is going to try, and SQUEEZE the life out of him, and force him to fall!!! My God!!!

DR: I don’t think Cruise is going to have enough energy to hold on after that back injury he suffered earlier in the match!!!


RC: Can Cameron Cruise hold on long enough to keep hold of that metal briefcase?!?


(**CRASH**)


RC: GOOD GOD!!! BOTH SUPERSTARS FELL!!! THE CABLE BROKE!!!

DR: Not only that Rich, but the BRIEFCASE came down with it, and both UCW Superstars still SEEMED to have a firm grasp on the case!!!

RB: WHO WON THE MATCH?!?

RC: I think we’re trying to sort that out as another referee sprinted to the ringside area, and they’re now discussing the final moments of the match!!!

DR: I think the one referee is telling the ring announcer something. We’re going to find out what’s going on here!!


BELL: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH: THEE EGOOO BUSTERRRR DAAANNN RRYYAANNN!!!!!

(**CROWD BOOS**)


RC: WHAT?!? How the hell did Dan Ryan win this match?!?

RB: Easy Rich!!! He had more control of the briefcase, and his legs wrapped around that worthless punk Cameron Cruise!! Dan Ryan is going to FORCE Cruise to be his slave now!!! YES I love it!!!

DR: But that doesn’t make any sense!! Cameron Cruise held just as much of the briefcase as Ryan!!

RB: Well Dan Ryan has the briefcase in his hand now, and his hands are raised HIGH in the air!! Look at the smile on Ryan’s face!!! This is great!!

RC: Wait a minute….let’s go back to ringside it looks like our ring announcer Mark Bell has something else to say!

BELL: After further discussion by the officials: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH: CAAAMMMERROONN CRRUUUIIISSEEEEE!!!!!


(** ENORMOUS POP**)


RB: WAIT A MINUTE?!? Dan Ryan won this match!!! The referee announced it!!!

DR: Well apparently after further discussion the referee overturned his decision!!

RC: I don’t think both referees KNOW who won the match!! Both superstars came down with the briefcase! It’s just that they both think the other superstar won!!

RB: Dan Ryan won the match!!! He has the briefcase in his hands!!

RC: Well the referees are still arguing over who won the match! I have no clue who won it or came down with the briefcase first! Both have been announced as the winners, and we’ve looked at numerous instant replays and none of them seem to provide a clear-cut winner to this match!!


DR: OH MY GOD!!!!


(**CROWD BOOS**)


RC: A hush just came over this capacity crowd as Dan Ryan just FLATTENED Cameron Cruise with that metal briefcase!!! My God he BLINDSIDED him!!!!!

DR: And after that hellacious match I don’t think Cruise can take much more, he looks unconscious right now!!!

RB: YES!!! That’s how you celebrate your victory Dan Ryan!! By rubbing it into Cameron Cruise’s face!!! Literally!!!

DR: Ryan raises his hand high into the air, further increasing the amount of boos that are coming in his direction!!

RC: Oh no….What is Dan Ryan going to do now?!? He’s picking up Cruise, and…..oh no!!! OH NO!!!


DR: HUMILITY BOMB!!! HUMILITY BOMB!!!


RC: THROUGH THE TABLE SET UP ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!!!!


DR: CRUISE IS BROKEN IN HALF!!! MY GOD HE COULD BE DEAD!!!


RB: YES!! Give that skinny punk what he deserves!!! A lesson in humility!!!

RC: We need medical attention out here FAST for Cameron Cruise!!! We’ll be back to UCW’s Civil War where we will crown a BRAND NEW United States Champion!!! NEXT!!

RB: Who won the damn match?!?

(We open to the backstage area, where we see Esteban talking to a road agent. They finish up their conversation and Esteban turns with a smile. He takes a step, but is rudely cut off. We then see that the person who cut him off is none other than “Extremely BiSexual” Beau Michaels. Beau quickly pins Esteban against the wall.)

BM: Hey there, big boy…

Where you walking to all by yourself?

(Esteban just places his head back against the wall as he gives a struggle, but doesn’t say anything.)

BM: Doesn’t seem like you’re too happy about having to do the make-up without your big, bad ass biker buddy here to tell you whether you used too much blush or not…

(Esteban is silent with a horrified loook on his face)

BM: Don’t want to talk? That’s okay…

We don’t have to talk at all, sexy.

(Beau grinds on Esteban’s leg.)

BM: All you have to worry about…

Is can you handle…

What Big, Bad Beau has to offer?

(Beau leans in and licks Esteban’s neck before walking away with a smile on his face.)

(** Fade into a shot of Rich Cruise, Doug Ross, and Rob Bitterman**)

RC: Wow!!! What a BRUTAL ladder match we just witnessed folks!

DR: It was just a shame that it was RUINED by a meaningless temper tantrum that Dan Ryan threw at the end!!!

RB: Dammit! I want to know who won the match!!!

DR: Well it seems like there hasn't been an official word on who EXACTLY won the match. Both Dan Ryan, AND Cameron Cruise were officially announced as the winner by different referees, but we have no decisive decision!!

RC: I'm sure we will find a solution to this problem eventually....Again, we will most certainly update you on Cameron Cruise's condition when we hear word on how he's doing. Let's go down to ringside, and crown a NEW UCW United States Champion!

(**Shot of the ring announcer inside the ring before he begins to speak**)

TB: Ladies and gentlemen…the next contest is scheduled for one fall…and is for the UCW United States Championship!

(“Voodoo” by Godsmack hits over the PA and the crowd fills with boos. “The New Face of UCW” fills the Ultra-tron and Adam Benjamin makes his way from behind the curtain and to the top of the ramp.)

RC: Well, it has been quite a long month for these four men who are about to enter the ring. They’ve been waiting patiently for this match as they all seek to become the very first UCW United States Champion!

DR: And many people would say that this man right here is one of the favorites to walk out of here with that title around his waist. Adam Benjamin has really made a name for himself here as he has promoted himself as “The New Face of UCW”.

RB: And there is no doubt in my mind that Yours Truly will be able to walk out of here to show you just why everyone should recognize him as the face of UCW.

("Satisfaction" by Benny Benassi and the Biz brings the crowd to a slight roar as Beau Michaels is led to the ring by The Chicken. Beau blows a few kisses on his way to the ring, but we’re still trying to figure out if it’s aimed at the girl in the front row or her boyfriend.)

RC: Well, what do you think of Beau Michaels walking out as the US champ, Doc?

DR: Still a very good chance for that also. I’ll sound like a broken record as I break everything down for these competitors, but all four have really made a big name for themselves already. Beau Michaels has proved that on more than one occasion here.

RB: Are you kidding? There’s no way that three other men are going to allow this fruit to win this match. The United States should not be represented by a man like Beau Michaels, and I hope and pray that it does not come to light here tonight.

RC: Wait a second! Beau Michaels just got nailed from behind!

RB: Cruise!

RC: Bitterman! I mean BG Bruce just came out of nowhere and snuck in and caught Michaels from behind!

RB: Is this wrestling or porn?

RC: Bruce is beating the hell out of Beau Michaels here with a crowbar! Beau is out of it, and Adam Benjamin is just watching from the ring!

RB: Of course he is! That’s one less man he has to face for the US title!

RC: Well, Bruce has Beau mounted here on the stage.

DR: I’m with Bitterman on that one, Rich.

RC: Come on you guys! Regardless, there are two grown men wrestling each other everywhere here!

DR: Look out! They’re making their way to our broadcast booth here!

(The announcers scatter and we’re left without commentary as Bruce picks Beau up and slams him onto the announcer’s table. The Chicken comes to help Beau, but he’s quickly met with a right that rolls him across the stage.

Bruce makes his way up to the table with Beau. He picks Beau up and nails him with several right hands. He then picks Beau up and throws him on his shoulder)

CRASH!!!!

(Bruce stands over top of the fallen body of Beau Michaels on top of the broken announcers table and stares him down as he walks away. Ken Cloverleaf then makes his way out to the stage.)

KC: Security! Get this man out of here! He is on suspension from this organization, and he is not allowed in this building! Take him out here and escort him out of this arena right now!

(Security quickly circles Bruce, who willingly places his hands above his head as they escort him behind the curtain. As he passes Cloverleaf, he flashes him a smile before disappearing behind the curtain.)

KC: Yeah, keep you smiling you man-loving son of a *****! Enjoy the rest of your suspension! And you might want to look for a new source of income soon!

(Cloverleaf makes his way behind the curtain as the announce team makes their way back to their headgear.)

RC: Folks, I don’t know what to make of this! BG Bruce just came out of nowhere and completely obliterated Beau Michaels with that Gayvalanche on our announce table. We have EMTs out here right now, trying to get Beau onto a stretcher and out of this building for further analysis.

DR: I really don’t know what to make of this, Rich. I guess we have a triple threat match now.

(“Frgt/10” by Linkin Park ignites the crowd as AJ Cirrus makes his way from behind the curtain.)

RC: Well, I definitely think that’s what we’re doing, because AJ Cirrus is making his way out here like nothing’s even happened.

DR: That is very certain, Rich. He is all about business and that US title here tonight. AJ Cirrus is not just an accomplished competitor here in UCW, but he’s really made a name for himself in several other companies. He could very well be the most experienced across the board out of all of these men.

RB: Hmmph. Maybe the most experienced at losing.

DR: AJ Cirrus actually has quite the title history behind him. You can’t really doubt him at all in this match-up.

(The arena lights turn down low and immediately strobe lights start going off around the entrance of the Ultra-tron. Several members of the paparazzi then come out of nowhere and start taking pictures. Kira Kai steps out first and instantly starts posing for the cameras. Damon Blackburn then comes out, with a white towel draped around his neck, and starts to flaunt and showboat as well. Kira and Damon then head towards the ring while ignoring fans along the way as they mainly "make love" to the cameras.

Once Damon is in the ring, he leans in a corner and just seems to quit paying attention. He ignores the referee, and his opponents, as he flirts with Kira Kai and the ladies in the front row. Once the ring bell sounds, and after the referee finally gets his attention, Damon looks at his opponents and sizes them up before laughing and turning to the referee asking where his real opponents are. The ref assures Damon they are his opponents. After this Damon finally steps out of the corner and seems ready to start the match.)

RC: Well, it seems as though Mr. Blackburn has finally come to terms that he will be facing these three young men in this match-up. Maybe now he will allow us to start this match.

DR: He better because AJ Cirrus has already attacked Adam Benjamin!

RC: Well, if you recall, AJ was pretty much left out to dry by Damon Blackburn last week at Revolution, and I’m pretty sure that he didn’t appreciate the way that Beau and Adam took their liberties with him.

DR: Well, AJ has taken Adam Benjamin off his feet with a shoulder tackle and he’s now mounting him and nailing him with a fury of right hands!

RB: But look at the genius of Damon Blackburn! He’s just sitting back and watching! He’s going to let these two idiots beat the hell out of each other and then move in at the right time!

RC: Another cowardly move by Damon if you ask me. It seems strategic, but AJ just bounced off Benjamin and nailed Damon as well with that same right that was just plastering Adam Benjamin!

RB: And look where it got him! He’s stuck in a bad place between both Benjamin and Blackburn!

RC: Both men charge at AJ…

DR: Oh my! AJ Cirrus ducked the blows and Blackburn and Benjamin clocked each other with those closed fists!

RC: AJ Cirrus is quickly firing at both men now! All three men are going at it with fists flying all over the place! The ref has already lost control of this match!

(“The Star Spangled Banner” suddenly hits over the PA and the crowd quickly turns to the Ultra-tron where an American flag engulfs the entire screen. The four men suddenly stop throwing punches and join the fans in their wondering of what the hell is going on.)


RB: What is this? Are we going to have to fire pyro men like Vince McMahon?

RC: I can only pray that Uncle Sam doesn’t walk out of that entrance way, because that would be about as dumb as billing God as someone’s tag team partner…

(Suddenly, the crowd ERUPTS as a shoulder is seen donning the brand new United States Title. The body full emerges and the cheers get even louder.)

TB: And the special guest timekeeper for this match…

MR. INCREDIBLE!!!

(HUGE pop.)

RB: What? What the hell is this?

DR: Are you kidding me? Mr. Incredible is here in UCW? What a great way to introduce the United States Championship than to have a patriot like Mr. Incredible here to present the belt to the winner! I don’t believe it!

RC: You don’t believe it? I don’t think anyone in this arena believes it!

DR: Well, Mr. Incredible is making his way down to the timekeeper’s table here! Wow! What a surprise! Is he even under contract here?

RC: That’s a very good question, Doc. But I don’t think these competitors in the ring really care about Mr. Incredible anymore. Damon Blackburn has backed AJ Cirrus into the corner here. The ref calls for a break…but there’s a big knife-edge chop by Damon! And another! And another! Cirrus’s chest is beet red here!

DR: Well, we also have Adam Benjamin coming from out of nowhere and nailing Damon with a double axe handle. There’s a whip into the ropes…

RC: Big hip toss by Benjamin! He quickly floats over to Blackburn and locks him in an armbar!

DR: And back in the corner, AJ Cirrus is making his way out. He leaps into the air…

RC: Big knee drop by Cirrus right into the back of Benjamin! Benjamin stumbles on his feet a little. There’s a rear waistlock by Cirrus…

DR: German Suplex! There’s a bridge…

1…

2…

Big dropkick to the side by Blackburn to break up the pin!

RC: Damon quickly back to his feet and pulling Cirrus with him. There’s a kick to the midsection. Front face lock by Blackburn…

DR: Snap suplex! Damon floats over…

1…

2…

Kickout by Cirrus!

RC: Damon is going to stay on the attack as he pulls AJ back to his feet. There are several hard right hands by Damon as he backs AJ into the ropes. Damon takes a step back…

DR: And clotheslines AJ Cirrus out of the ring! We’ve got a one-on-one with Damon Blackburn and Adam Benjamin now as Benji gets back to his feet!

RC: There’s a right by Benjamin as he whips Damon into the ropes. Damon comes rushing back…

DR: And a standing shoulder block by Benjamin sends Damon to the mat!

RC: Benjamin now into the ropes. Wait! Damon’s back up and he rushes into the other set of ropes! The two are criss-crossing in the ring! We could end up with some sort of knockout here if they were to crack heads!

DR: Well, luckily, Damon has stopped in the middle of the ring. But now he’s sticking his hands up and telling Benjamin to stop? And Benjamin is actually slowing down!

RC: What the hell is Damon pointing to in the rafters? Adam Benjamin is just as intrigued as we are.

DR: Oh my! Damon Blackburn just slapped the taste out of Adam Benjamin’s mouth right when the Englishman looked up to the rafters! Benjamin does not look happy!

RC: Well, he bounces himself off the ropes. And there goes Damon again into the opposite ropes! Are you kidding me?

DR: But wait! This time Benjamin is telling Damon to stop! Now Benjamin points to the rafters.

RC: Oh no! Damon Blackburn didn’t even look! He just slapped the taste out of Benjamin’s mouth again! The fans here love the mockery that Damon is making out of Adam Benjamin!

DR: Well, I don’t think Adam Benjamin does as he just nailed Damon with a stiff right hand! There’s another! He backs Damon into the ropes. There’s an Irish whip…

RC: Big back elbow there as Damon hits the mat! Benjamin reaches down to pull him back up.

DR: But there’s a dropkick to the back of the knee by AJ Cirrus who just made his way back into the ring! AJ quickly grabs Benjamin’s head…

RC: Reverse DDT! There’s a pin…

1…

2…

Kickout by Benjamin!

DR: AJ back up now. He reaches down and picks up Benjamin. He’s putting him on his shoulders.

RB: Say goodnight Adam!

DR: Canadian Driver by AJ Cirrus! That version of the Death Valley Driver just planted Adam Benjamin right into the canvas! AJ might have it here!

RC: Look out, Doc!

DR: Damon Blackburn just came flying off the top rope and nailed AJ Cirrus with a missile dropkick! Damon quickly makes his way to the other ropes.

RC: What’s he going to do now?

DR: Springboard 180 leg drop onto Adam Benjamin! Damon Blackburn is putting on a clinic here!

RC: And look at him looking into the crowd here! They may not like Mr. A1E, but they are loving what he’s doing inside that ring right now!

RB: Don’t forget that he’s also our de facto World Champion. He’s just waiting on that damn Irishred to hand over the real belt so Damon can quit using the other one.

RC: Well, Damon is still staying on the attack here as he pulls AJ Cirrus to his feet. He now pulls him into a standing headscissors…

DR: Thunder Blackburn Bomb! Damon Blackburn just nailed AJ Cirrus with that modified powerbomb! He’s holding for the pin…

1…

2…

NO! Adam Benjamin just BARELY got in there to break up that pin! We’re still underway here!

RC: Well, don’t look now, but I don’t think Damon is too happy with Adam Benjamin now. He makes his way over…

DR: Inverted atomic drop by Benjamin! Damon is beside himself! Benji steps back…

RC: Clothesline! Damon just did a complete corkscrew in the middle of the ring!

DR: And now AJ is wobbling toward Benjamin…

RC: DDT! Damon makes his way back to Benjamin. Benjamin with a kick to the midsection. He wraps his hand around Damon’s throat…

DR: Oh my! Benjamin just picked Damon up for what seemed to be a chokeslam, but he dropped him across his knee with a backbreaker! Benjamin goes for the cover…

1…

2…

Kickout by Blackburn!

RC: AJ Cirrus is back up here. Benjamin has picked Damon up. There’s a right by Benjamin that twists Damon right into an AJ kick to the midsection…

DR: Northern Exposure! AJ with that crucifix into a Diamond Cutter! Damon is definitely out of it here!

RC: And now AJ to get back up…

DR: Shining Wizard! Adam Benjamin was just sitting around, WAITING on AJ to make the wrong move and he did out of that Northern Exposure and Adam Benjamin caught him squarely with that Shining Wizard!

RB: But he’s not going for the pin! What an English idiot!

RC: That could definitely be a mistake here as Benjamin is now pulling AJ back up to his feet again. He pulls him into a standing headscissors…

DR: Oh my! He calls that move the Final Countdown, that sunset flip into a piledriver! AJ Cirrus has got to be out of it here! Benjamin goes for the cover…

1…

2…

3!!! No. YES!

RC: Damon Blackburn’s last ditch effort to save his title hopes was a split second too late, and ladies and gentlemen, we have our very FIRST United States Champion!

TB: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… and NEW United States Champion…ADAMMMMMMMM BENJAMINNNNNNNN!!!!

DR: Wow! What a fight these three put on!

RC: Who would have guessed that a fatal four-way match-up that was dropped to three before the match even started could have turned out like this one did?

RB: Well, considering that I called Adam Benjamin to win this one from the beginning, I think that I knew it would be a great match.

RC: You never said anyone was going to win this match, Rob!

RB: I never said it, but I wrote it down. See?

RC: You just wrote that!

RB: No, I wrote the time I said it also.

RC: You made that up! I just watched you write that too!

RB: Whatever, Cruise!

DR: Guys, I hate to break this up, but don’t forget we have our special guest timekeeper here to present the belt to our new champion!

RC: Who could forget that?

RB: I could.

RC: Well, Mr. Incredible is in the ring now, and he’s handing Benjamin the belt and a microphone! What a surprise that Mr. Incredible was here to present the belt! But he’s exiting the ring now. Let’s hear what Benjamin has to say.

AB: You know, gold is gold. And I’m happy to be the newest champion here in UCW. I plan on defending this title as Ken Cloverleaf sees fit, but make no mistake about it…

I plan on representing the United States of whatever, so long as I have this belt!

DR: Uh oh.

RC: Guys, I may have spoken too soon, because it looks like Mr. Incredible is not exiting the ring now. Those comments by “Yours Truly” Adam Benjamin just stopped him in his tracks. He’s making his way to Benjamin.

(Incredible flips Benjamin around and grabs the mic from him.)

MI: Excuse me, Mr. Whatever Your Name Is. Did I just hear you say the United States of Whatever?

(Benjamin sticks out his chin and nods.)

MI: That’s what I thought.

(*Static*)

RC: Oh my! Incredible just clocked the US Champ with that microphone! Benjamin is stumbling back! The belt has fallen off his shoulder!

DR: Incredible is taking it to him with a flurry of rights! Benjamin is wobbling…

RC: Oh no! Mr. Incredible just nailed the US champ with his own belt! Adam Benjamin is out cold here in the middle of the ring! And Mr. Incredible is placing that United States Championship belt across the fallen champ’s chest! And now he’s out of here! What an entrance for Mr. Incredible!

DR: I don’t believe what I just saw! Did we really just see that?

RC: I think we did, Doc. And the fans here are LOVING it! Folks, stay tuned, the main event…Irishred versus Jonathan Marx in a parking lot brawl as the UCW Championship hangs in the balance. The First will be your special guest referee! It’s going to be electric!

RC: "Fans this night has been full of action!! What a pay per view folks!!! My God!!! Welcome back to UCW Civil War!!

DR: Oh you said it!! We crowned a NEW UCW United States Champion only to have him COMPLETELY DISRESPECT the championship belt!!!

RB: He did no such thing!! He is from the UK! He's being a proud, and fighting champion!! That IDIOT Mr. Incredible should've never stuck his nose where it doesn't belong!!

DR: Well I don't agree with that one, but we will certainly see how this problem resolves itself in the coming weeks! Nonetheless "Yours Truly" Adam Benjamin is your new UCW United States Champion!!

RC: And now the match we've all waited for, the main event is here! We could very well crown a NEW UCW World Heavyweight Champion when Irish Red puts his World Championship on the line against Jonathan Marx in a parking lot brawl!!!

RB: "I'm sure these two guys are going to all but kill each other, I just wish Cloverleaf had woken up and got us a normal ref for this match...That idiot First is going to ruin things."

RC: Let's get our cameras down to the parking lot! It looks like things are ready to get underway as both UCW Superstars are already in the ring!!

(CUTTO: The parking lot, the crowd cheers loudly as the scene in the parking lot is shown on the big screens in the arena, MARX and RED are pacing around with THE FIRST standing between them, then he gives the signal and they charge each other.)

RC: "And these two men are just tearing into each other, big right hands from both men!! Red staggers Marx and he SLAMS him hard on the pavement and now puts the boots to him! Marx stumbles to his feet and tackles Red, driving him into the side of a car!"

DR: "Clearly these two men know what's at stake and are going to be doing everything they can to beat the hell out of each other..."

RC: "Marx throwing a series of punches into the ribs of Red who now headbutts Marx and now BASHES his head off the hood of the car! Marx staggers and takes a CLOTHESLINE from Red! Red covers!"

1...

2...

NO!

RC: "Marx kicks out, and may I say that was a pretty slow count from The First!"

RB: "It's corruption! He's going to screw Red just because he can't beat him!"

RC: "Red giving The First a lot of static over that count and now he goes back to hammering Marx..

DR:.He scoops Marx up and SLAMS him on top of a car!

RC: Marx rolls off the car and lands hard on the pavement as Red now climbs the car and DROPS AN ELBOW OFF THE CAR ONTO MARX! HE COVERS!"

1...

2...

NO!

RB: "Oh this is worse then the Soviet/American Basketball game in 72!"

RC: "Red is LIVID over the slow count by The First...But well, he's stuck with him for a ref tonight...Red continues to berate The First...MARX WITH A ROLL UP!"

1...

NO!

RC: "Red kicks out before the count of 2, thanks to the slow count of The First...Marx gets up and tackles Red and drives him into a car...

(Glass shatters!)

DR: OH MY! MARX JUST DROVE THE BACK OF THE CHAMPION'S HEAD THROUGH THAT DRIVER'S SIDE WINDOW!

RB: We could have a new champion!!! This is it!! pin him Marx!!!

RC: Marx holds onto Red...BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX ON THE PAVEMENT! RED JUST HIT WITH A SICKENING THUD! MARX COVERS!"

1...

2...

3--NO!

RC: "Red kicks out...

DR: Marx putting the boots to him as he pulls Red up and now hooks him...


RC: SIDE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! RED'S HEAD HIT THE BUMPER OF THAT CAR SO HARD THAT HE KNOCKED IT OFF THE CAR!

DR: MARX COVERS! WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!!"

1...

2...

3!

RC: NO!

DR: "Red just kicked out in time! MY GOD that was close!!! I thought that was it!! Red could have a concussion!!

RC: Marx continues to hammer away on him and now he's got that bumper."

RB: "I think this might be a new form of vehicular homicide!"

RC: "Marx now winds up...MISSES with the bumper as Red rolls out of the way...

DR: He misses AGAIN with the bumper!!!

RC: Red rises to his feet and Marx takes a big swing!!!

RB: LOOK OUT!!!

RC: Red ducks it and now gets behind Marx...

DR: GERMAN SUPLEX BY RED!! MARX HEAD JUST BOUNCED OFF THE CEMENT!"

RC: "The toll this is taking on both men is just brutal...This may be the second pay per view world title match in a row where somebody's left on a stretcher!"

DR: "Both men down and hurting...I think Red is bleeding from the back of his head due to getting run through that car window!!! This is just BRUTAL!!!

RC: .The men are slowly getting up...Red has that bumper again and he DRIVES it into the gut of Marx! Marx doubles over and gets DRILLED in the back with that bumper! Marx hits the pavement and Red covers!"

1...

2...

3!!

RC: NO!! MY GOD THAT'S CLOSE! What a kickout by Marx! I thought Red had him!

DR: Red now pulls him up by his hair and is dragging him over towards the arena entrance way...

RC: Red DRIVES Marx's head into the wall, and now he opens up a door and throws him into the building!

DR: Red is now stalking Marx through the bowels of this arena! We need a camera back there!"

RB: "We could have a title change without any video of it, this would be horrible!"

DR: "It's odd that Red would be the one who demanded this fight in the parking lot and now he's the once changing the battleground...And now they are here!"

(The crowd pops as RED and MARX come through the curtain, throwing punches at each other, FIRST a few steps behind)

RC: "Red dragging Marx down to the ring and DRIVES his head into the STEEL steps...

DR: RED now throws Marx into the ring and Red is going under the ring...

RB: What is that idiot going to do under there?? Play hide-and-seek?!?

DR: OH GOD!! RED has a table and he's throwing it into the ring...

RC: Marx rises to his feet, but Red grabs him...

DR: SPINEBUSTER!!!

RC: OH GOD Red just PLANTED Marx!

DR: Now he's setting up that table...And now he goes back outside....what the hell is he going to do there???

RC: WAIT!! OH NO!!"

RB: "It's time for some Bar-B-Q!"

RC: "Red just pulled some lighter fluid out from under the ring and a lighter!!! My God somebody stop this!!!

DR: Red is spraying down the table, as Marx crawls over towards Red...

RC: LOW BLOW!!! OHHH MY!!! MARX JUST DRILLED THE CHAMPION!!"

RB: "I dunno if I'd use that term for hitting a guy in the junk."

RC: "Marx now puts Red on the top rope, AND Marx has the lighter....what's he going to do now???

DR: OH MY! HE'S SET THE TABLE ON FIRE!!! GOOD GOD GET SOMEBODY OUT HERE!!!

RC: Marx is now climbing the ropes and he hooks Red....oh no.....

DR: SUPERPLEX THROUGH THE BURNING TABLE!!! DEAR GOD!!!

("Holy ****! Holy ****!" chant. FIRST runs over and puts out the fire.)

RC: Both men....Are not moving"

RB: "Both men are cooked is more like it!"

RC: "I...I can't believe this...My God!! What an INSANE move by Marx...

DR: He's GOT to crawl over and cover Red...If he does it he could become the NEW UCW World Heavyweight Champion...

RC: He's taking your advice!! Marx is now slowly inching towards Red...THE COVER WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!"

1...

2...

3!!!


RC: "NO! NO! RED KICKED OUT!!! I don't believe it!"

RB: "I don't think Marx can believe it either!"

DR: He thought he won the UCW World Heavyweight Championship, but SOMEHOW...SOMEWAY Irish Red kicked out after that HORRIFIC manuver!!!

RC: "Marx is now pulling Red up...

DR: RED NOW GOES LOW! Both men down!

RC: Red rolls to the floor, he's looking under the ring, he's got a bag...

RB: What is he going to do with the bag?

DR: We're going to find out here..as now Red has opened it...

RC: THUMBTACKS! HE'S SCATTERING TACKS ALL OVER THE RING!"

DR: "I think we know why Red left the parking lot, as he had the ring area prepped for all kinds of mayhem!"

RC: "You do have that right...

DR: Both men getting up in the ring...Red now drilling Marx with right hands and Marx is staggering over those thumbtacks!!...Red off the ropes with a right hand...lookout!!!

RC: NO! MARX DUCKS...BACKDROP! NO! RED DOESN'T GO OVER! HE HOOKS MARX!

DR: POWER BOMB! POWER BOMB ON THE TACKS OH LORD!!! AND RED LIFTS MARX UP AGAIN!!!!

RC: SIT OUT POWER BOMB ONTO THE TACKS!! MY GOD!!! RED COVERS!!!"

1...

2...

3!!!

RC: "HE GOT HIM! HE GOT HIM! IRISHRED HAS RETAINED THE UCW WORLD TITLE"!

(Bell rings as "Bad Company" by Bad Company plays, RED standing up glaring at the crowd, a loud mix of cheers and boos.)

BELL: "Here is your winner...AND STILL...UCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...IRISH...RED!!!"

RC: "Red has done it...He's kept that gold...And now he's glaring at The First...DEMANDING he strap that belt around his waist."

RB: "The little punk said he'd do it...Let's see him live up to his word and show a TRUE CHAMPION some respect!"

RC: "The First does as Red wants...And now Red making him raise his hand...And again...Red really rubbing it in First's face here..."

RB: "He deserves it...Screw that idiot!"

RC: And look at the satisfaction Red has for making The First strap him...

DR: Well, the First is now leaving the ring, but Irish Red is asking for a microphone....what does he have to say here???

(**Once The First leaves the ring Red grabs a microphone and his title belt**)

Red: UCW…

You know, when I joined this federation I was told those letters would stand for Ultimate Championship Wrestling.

Well from the looks of things, myself being excluded of course, those letters should stand for Unusually Crappy Wrestlers.

Let’s take a look around here shall we? We've got Damon Blackburn who is so delusional that he's not even sure where he is. You've got some dude called The Muffin Man. The freaking Muffin Man for God's sake.

You have Benoitholic Anonymous...Jesus H Christ. You have Big Gay Bruce who through a little tantrum and ran away.

You have Promo and AJ who quite frankly left the better part of their courage and brains in MBE all those years ago.

You have that brain dead fool the First. Here's how stupid he is...he came back. I damn near killed him and he came back.

You have my opponent tonight...the Gentleman Jonathon Marx. This is not a gentlemanly sport. This is a fighting sport. This is wrestling. You want to play nice join the Professional Chess League. You want to fight then stick around.

I was promised competition. I was promised that this would be the Ultimate in wrestling. I was promised that I would be challenged.

Quite frankly I am surrounded by freaks and geeks, has beens and never will be's, whiners, cheats, psychos, fags, adolescents trying to be tough...this place is a ****ing freak show.

All I want...all I need is someone to have a little heart. All I want is for someone to step up and show they have a sac. There has to be someone...somewhere in the wrestling world that has the balls to actually fight. There must be someone besides me who wants to bring back some integrity to this sport of ours.

Cloverleaf...step out from behind the desk, Farnswirth...you at home watching? James Irish, Hida, Freakfish, Eliminator, Freakshow, Queenie, JA, Beast, Big Dog, Mike Evers...

Someone...anyone...step up and help me remind the world why this business is great. Help me to show this cowardly locker room what fighting is all about. Help me to show the world what the Irishred Era of Ultimate Championship Wrestling truly is!!!

(Red waits a minute, but nothing happens.)

Red: Somebody...ANYBODY...Bueller???

(Silence again falls over the arena again. Suddenly, the lights begin to strobe.)

RC: What the hell is this?

(**The UCW Tron shows a countdown beginning at "3," with the sound of a heartbeat, and letters flashing across the screen**)

UCW TRON -- HE

(** The countdown reaches "2"**)

UCW TRON -- IS

(**The countdown reaches "1"**)

UCW TRON -- COMING

(**The countdown reaches ZERO, and the heartbeat stops, and begins to flatline**)



UCW TRON -- HE IS HERE!!!




(“I Need a Hero” hits over the PA and the entire crowd goes absolutely NUTS!)


RB: No way!!!

(A man steps out onto the stage and even though it didn’t seem possible earlier, the crowd gets even LOUDER.)

RC: OH MY GOD!!!

RB: Are you serious, Ross?!?!

RC: JOEY MELTON!!!!

DR: The Sexual All-American! The Unifier! LINDSAY TROY’S BABY’S DADDY!!!

RC: I do not believe what I’m seeing! Is he under contract here in UCW?

RB: Please God!

RC: Folks! We’re out of time and we’re having a stare down between our UCW Champion and Joey Melton!!! MY GOD!!! Be sure to join us for Revolution to try and sort this whole thing out!!!

RB: JOEY MELTON!!!

(**The UCW cameras fade to black with Joey Melton, and Irish Red staring down each other before the UCW logo flashes across the screen**)