UNLEASHED 2010: IC TITLE MATCH: "The Phenom" Shawn Hart (c) vs. Michael Bastard
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Re: UNLEASHED 2010: IC TITLE MATCH: "The Phenom" Shawn Hart (c) vs. Michael Bastard
"How a propos..."
The scene is an empty warehouse. A single floodlight shining down on The Amazing Logan standing in front of his charge, Michael Bastard.
TAL: ...that Michael's first taste of gold will come at an event called Unleashed. Yes, I think it's very appropriate given many have described his presence in the Empire as being "unleashed". In a way, those pundits are right. Michael has seemed like a rabid dog, charging down the street at whatever has caught its attention without any regard, but at the same time, well, perceptions I guess are reality. Even muzzled, Michael has been a picture of fury that is the subject of hyperbole. However, I really haven't had the need to truly turn the safety off. That is, until now.
Shawn Hart, a man respected around these parts as a Champion, a man whose whacky demeanor belies his abilities in the ring to the dullards of the world, you have given me a reason to unleash hell. Before now, Michael and I have had no reason to get personal with our potential conquests. To us, you were just an unwitting mark, a man who had trouble with injuries and was waiting for someone to pluck the belt from him. Did I expect you to continue to sit on the sidelines? No, I'm not like every other bombastic making air quotes bad guy around here who thinks his fecal matter smells of fresh-roasted New Orleans coffee with chicory or something else of that stature. I know that when you came to play, you would bring everything you had. I've seen it from a close perspective before. However, instead of announcing your return in more honorable ways, you had to come down and not only cost Michael a match but attack him afterwards? Now that's just dirty pool. I mean, I thought you were still woozy from the layoff, but this act of cowardice seals it for me. You're scared, and you had to provoke a man that shouldn't be provoked unless you don't fear death. Maybe you don't, but then again, this would be a fitting swan song. More on that later, though.
You see, Phenom, Michael doesn't like being attacked in an unfair manner such as what you did. I know, I know, it's all part of the game, and though we deal with it, that doesn't mean we like it. So yeah, to say you've pissed him off is an understatement. No one has really ever seen Michael truly pissed off around here... except for me. It was a pretty macabre scene. Blood everywhere, windows shattered, floorboards ripped up. The hospital bill that emerged from the ordeal, one that I had to pay to avoid litigation, was in five figures. If you think I'm kidding around, well, I don't know what to say other than you'll find out firsthand. And it will be spectacular in the violence that is borne from Michael's bloodlust. It will be like in the olden days, when kings used to put the heads of fallen enemies on pikes and place them around their lands as a warning to people not to cross their paths. That's what this beating will be, a warning.
See Shawn, your career won't end on such a downer. You'll be remembered as a reminder not to cross Michael Bastard, not to make things personal. A sort of PSA for fairplay, so to speak. A harbinger of a future where men man up all the time instead of relying on cheap mindgames to try and get an advantage. And of course, it'll be remembered as the event that the Empire was witness to the first of many Championships for Michael Bastard. Yes it's time...
MB: ...to be WELCOMED TO THE FREAKSHOW!
Logan smacks the camera with his cane as it goes to static.
"How a propos..."
The scene is an empty warehouse. A single floodlight shining down on The Amazing Logan standing in front of his charge, Michael Bastard.
TAL: ...that Michael's first taste of gold will come at an event called Unleashed. Yes, I think it's very appropriate given many have described his presence in the Empire as being "unleashed". In a way, those pundits are right. Michael has seemed like a rabid dog, charging down the street at whatever has caught its attention without any regard, but at the same time, well, perceptions I guess are reality. Even muzzled, Michael has been a picture of fury that is the subject of hyperbole. However, I really haven't had the need to truly turn the safety off. That is, until now.
Shawn Hart, a man respected around these parts as a Champion, a man whose whacky demeanor belies his abilities in the ring to the dullards of the world, you have given me a reason to unleash hell. Before now, Michael and I have had no reason to get personal with our potential conquests. To us, you were just an unwitting mark, a man who had trouble with injuries and was waiting for someone to pluck the belt from him. Did I expect you to continue to sit on the sidelines? No, I'm not like every other bombastic making air quotes bad guy around here who thinks his fecal matter smells of fresh-roasted New Orleans coffee with chicory or something else of that stature. I know that when you came to play, you would bring everything you had. I've seen it from a close perspective before. However, instead of announcing your return in more honorable ways, you had to come down and not only cost Michael a match but attack him afterwards? Now that's just dirty pool. I mean, I thought you were still woozy from the layoff, but this act of cowardice seals it for me. You're scared, and you had to provoke a man that shouldn't be provoked unless you don't fear death. Maybe you don't, but then again, this would be a fitting swan song. More on that later, though.
You see, Phenom, Michael doesn't like being attacked in an unfair manner such as what you did. I know, I know, it's all part of the game, and though we deal with it, that doesn't mean we like it. So yeah, to say you've pissed him off is an understatement. No one has really ever seen Michael truly pissed off around here... except for me. It was a pretty macabre scene. Blood everywhere, windows shattered, floorboards ripped up. The hospital bill that emerged from the ordeal, one that I had to pay to avoid litigation, was in five figures. If you think I'm kidding around, well, I don't know what to say other than you'll find out firsthand. And it will be spectacular in the violence that is borne from Michael's bloodlust. It will be like in the olden days, when kings used to put the heads of fallen enemies on pikes and place them around their lands as a warning to people not to cross their paths. That's what this beating will be, a warning.
See Shawn, your career won't end on such a downer. You'll be remembered as a reminder not to cross Michael Bastard, not to make things personal. A sort of PSA for fairplay, so to speak. A harbinger of a future where men man up all the time instead of relying on cheap mindgames to try and get an advantage. And of course, it'll be remembered as the event that the Empire was witness to the first of many Championships for Michael Bastard. Yes it's time...
MB: ...to be WELCOMED TO THE FREAKSHOW!
Logan smacks the camera with his cane as it goes to static.
ShawnHartXXX
The Phenom
You Fat Bastard!
FADE IN:
The Empire Pro Intercontinental Champion, Pro Wrestling's SJH, is doing the funky chicken before the camera. Inexplicably, the champ is wearing a tube top and a sweet pair of Daisy Dukes as he bobs and weaves to the music that plays in the background. As the camera moves in for a close-up, SJH begins to sing.
SJH: "You fat BASTARD! You fat BASTARD! You fat BASTARD! YOU FAT BASTARD!"
Cue killer guitar riffs. CUT TO: A trio of superstar background singers, crooning in turn.
SURVIVOR'S BOSTON ROB: "You fat Bastard!"
TONYA HARDING: "You fat Bastard!"
COBRA COMMANDER: "Yoou fat Bassstard!!"
Suddenly the screeching of a record sounds and the impromptu music video is dissolved with a Lucasian wipe. CUT TO: Hart in his office at Le Chateau du Phenom in Orlando.
SJH: "Yeeeeeah, sorry 'bout that. Too obvious right?"
He chuckles to himself before adjusting the title belt that adorns his left shoulder.
SJH: "At any rate, Pro Wrestling's SJH here... and I'm tickled pink to be comin' atcha on the the eve of the latest in the veritable anthology of title defenses that has peppered my storybook career. One that SHOULD'VE happened weeks ago, if not for the incessant douchebaggery of those that would stifle my attempts to unleash upon the world my own special brand of grappling goodness, but I digress... the past is the past, this is the HERE and the NOW, n' right'chea right'now... this thing is ON like Donkey Kong!!"
SJH nods his head in approval.
SJH: "Better late than never, right?"
He pauses for a couple beats to enjoy a sip of sparkling Perrier, after which he let out a sigh so contented it may have been stolen from a Coke commercial.
SJH: "So here's the deal... seein' as how Michael Bastard and I are finally gettin' this show on the road, it probably comes as a surprise to no one that the Amaaaaaaaazing Logan has launched verbal barbs at his BFF's would-be opponent, i.e. ME. That said, I was STUNNED like Stone Cold to see the utter CHUTZPAH he exhibited when he DARED to pass judgement on the state of my career in the sport. ME who in the last thirteen months has ended the two-year win streak of Sean Stevens, won the Pier Six Brawl in A1 and the End Game match in ACW to become a dual top-contender in heavyweight title competition, aaaaand brought home the gleaming bit of EPW gold that rests upon my glorious shoulder, not to mention the New Era strap, the NGEN belt, and the A1E title to boot!!"
CUT TO: The Phenom's sister, Felicia.
FELICIA: "Loooooord have mercy!"
CUT TO: SJH.
SJH: "I know, right? Totally outrageous!! We're talking JEM outrageous!"
CUT TO: More Felicia.
FELICIA: "Truuuuuuuuly, truly truly outraaageous!"
SJH continues on.
SJH: "I mean here I was, minding my own business, blissfully zoning out on the couch with a Veronica Mars boxed set when suddenly the ol' Droid starts humpin' n' bumpin' with textual warnings of your dirty deeds and, in the blink of an eye... RAGE! So I'll tell you what, Logan... because you've made the mistake of ridin' dirt-AY, I've now decided to punk this PUNK suckah Bastard even WORSE than I originally intended. Before it was stitches... maybe a cracked rib. Now? Say hello to the biggest SH(FCC)T storm of feet, fists and unbridled FURY ever witnessed by men!"
He grits his teeth angrily as he speaks.
SJH: "Call it a mockery, call it an OUTRAGE, I call it-"
A beep sounds over the house intercom, followed by l'il sissy's whisper.
FELICIA: "Ssssiiiiizzlerrr....."
Instantaneously, Hart's frown is turned upside down.
SJH: "Scratch that. You know the drill... this fool's gotta EAT!"
Grin.
SJH: "The Phenom has left the building!"
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
The Empire Pro Intercontinental Champion, Pro Wrestling's SJH, is doing the funky chicken before the camera. Inexplicably, the champ is wearing a tube top and a sweet pair of Daisy Dukes as he bobs and weaves to the music that plays in the background. As the camera moves in for a close-up, SJH begins to sing.
SJH: "You fat BASTARD! You fat BASTARD! You fat BASTARD! YOU FAT BASTARD!"
Cue killer guitar riffs. CUT TO: A trio of superstar background singers, crooning in turn.
SURVIVOR'S BOSTON ROB: "You fat Bastard!"
TONYA HARDING: "You fat Bastard!"
COBRA COMMANDER: "Yoou fat Bassstard!!"
Suddenly the screeching of a record sounds and the impromptu music video is dissolved with a Lucasian wipe. CUT TO: Hart in his office at Le Chateau du Phenom in Orlando.
SJH: "Yeeeeeah, sorry 'bout that. Too obvious right?"
He chuckles to himself before adjusting the title belt that adorns his left shoulder.
SJH: "At any rate, Pro Wrestling's SJH here... and I'm tickled pink to be comin' atcha on the the eve of the latest in the veritable anthology of title defenses that has peppered my storybook career. One that SHOULD'VE happened weeks ago, if not for the incessant douchebaggery of those that would stifle my attempts to unleash upon the world my own special brand of grappling goodness, but I digress... the past is the past, this is the HERE and the NOW, n' right'chea right'now... this thing is ON like Donkey Kong!!"
SJH nods his head in approval.
SJH: "Better late than never, right?"
He pauses for a couple beats to enjoy a sip of sparkling Perrier, after which he let out a sigh so contented it may have been stolen from a Coke commercial.
SJH: "So here's the deal... seein' as how Michael Bastard and I are finally gettin' this show on the road, it probably comes as a surprise to no one that the Amaaaaaaaazing Logan has launched verbal barbs at his BFF's would-be opponent, i.e. ME. That said, I was STUNNED like Stone Cold to see the utter CHUTZPAH he exhibited when he DARED to pass judgement on the state of my career in the sport. ME who in the last thirteen months has ended the two-year win streak of Sean Stevens, won the Pier Six Brawl in A1 and the End Game match in ACW to become a dual top-contender in heavyweight title competition, aaaaand brought home the gleaming bit of EPW gold that rests upon my glorious shoulder, not to mention the New Era strap, the NGEN belt, and the A1E title to boot!!"
CUT TO: The Phenom's sister, Felicia.
FELICIA: "Loooooord have mercy!"
CUT TO: SJH.
SJH: "I know, right? Totally outrageous!! We're talking JEM outrageous!"
CUT TO: More Felicia.
FELICIA: "Truuuuuuuuly, truly truly outraaageous!"
SJH continues on.
SJH: "I mean here I was, minding my own business, blissfully zoning out on the couch with a Veronica Mars boxed set when suddenly the ol' Droid starts humpin' n' bumpin' with textual warnings of your dirty deeds and, in the blink of an eye... RAGE! So I'll tell you what, Logan... because you've made the mistake of ridin' dirt-AY, I've now decided to punk this PUNK suckah Bastard even WORSE than I originally intended. Before it was stitches... maybe a cracked rib. Now? Say hello to the biggest SH(FCC)T storm of feet, fists and unbridled FURY ever witnessed by men!"
He grits his teeth angrily as he speaks.
SJH: "Call it a mockery, call it an OUTRAGE, I call it-"
A beep sounds over the house intercom, followed by l'il sissy's whisper.
FELICIA: "Ssssiiiiizzlerrr....."
Instantaneously, Hart's frown is turned upside down.
SJH: "Scratch that. You know the drill... this fool's gotta EAT!"
Grin.
SJH: "The Phenom has left the building!"
FADE OUT.
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