You Wake Up In Your Bed and Believe Whatever You Want to Believe
JACK HARMEN (O.S.): You talk about TRUST?!
(FADEIN: The CSWA flag waves in the background. JACK HARMEN is in the foreground, just his head in frame as he stares at the camera. Over his right shoulder is his partner and brother-in-law, TONY DAVIS, dressed in a classic wrestling singlet. Over his left in the far background is their manager and Harmen's prize protege, Mary-Lynn Mayweather wearing her trademark skirt suit and carrying a clipboard.)
JACK HARMEN: We are Team VIAGRA. We trust each other implicitly. We've been partners across promotions, across time and space. Ten time tag team champions. A decade plus partnership. Brothers in arm and brothers-in-LAW.
(MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER holds up her clipboard, which contains some legal papers.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: LAWYERED!
JACK HARMEN: We're FAMILY.
(Harmen steps back from the camera revealing his patented Straight-Jacket themed Baseball style“Lunatic” jersey. He slaps Tony Davis on his chest.)
JACK HARMEN: I'd trust this man with my life, the life of my kids, my family, the WORLD if it came to it.There's no one else in this plane of existence I trust more than the original Degenerate, the Destroyer of Heat, Two Tone Tony Davis.
(David reaches out and grabs Harmen by his shoulder.)
TONY DAVIS: Jack. My rapping career is dead and buried. I have nothing left in my life besides this sport... oh! And...
TONY DAVIS (Simultaneous): … plowing your sister.
JACK HARMEN (Simultaneous): … plowing my sister.
(Mary-Lynn frowns and squinches hernose.)
JACK HARMEN: We get it Tony. We got it a decade ago when that joke was fresh. But listen, MJ2 and Da Boog want to stop our dream, our GOAL of holding CSWA gold. Tony, you got into this sport in 1996. What was the one fed you wanted to hold a championship in growing up?
TONY DAVIS: CSWA.
JACK HARMEN: CSWA. And you know the first national fed I followed religiously?
TONY DAVIS: CSWA.
JACK HARMEN: FWO. But CSWA was a close second. So I look at the Urban Legends, CSWA mainstay Boogie Smallz and his partner, the rookie Malcolm Joseph-Jones, and I ask.
(Harmen RUSHES up to the camera,grabbing it by it's sides.)
JACK HARMEN: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?
(Harmen lets go of the camera, letting his head tilt back in an evil cackle. Harmen looks down at his straightjacket baseball jersey quickly before looking back to the camera.)
JACK HARMEN: Cause I ride the CRAZY TRAIN EVERY DAY! Zero to Sixty like the speed of sound, I go from Harmen to Harming Men! I eat PEOPLE for breakfast and PLANETS FOR DINNER!
(Mary-Lynn Mayweather holds up a tablet, which shows a quick animated Monty Python inspired video of Jack Harmen eating the UNIVERSE.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: FACT!
(She backs off as Harmen retakes center frame.)
JACK HARMEN: What are you going to do against two men who are CERTIFIABLE? Cause I'll tell you what, when I first teamed with Davis in 2000, HE was the crazy one. I looked TAME in comparison. But it cost us matches. His desire to be impulsive, hap-hazard... it was self destructive.
(Davis lowers his head to the side, acknowledging it as fact.)
JACK HARMEN: You kind of saw a bit of that in our first clash. But Tony, he's been chained and caged for far too long. There's a limit to how long you can mute the roars of a lion before he tears apart your remote control, eating your chair in the process. That's my fault. That's why Davis was taking these occasional unwarranted risks.
(Harmen's eyes go wide. He's SCARED.)
JACK HARMEN: But the last time this started happening? The last time I saw the fire in Tony's eyes like I do right now? He crippled and MAIMED an entire federation. He TORE APART puppies. He FEASTED on the BLOOD of the WEAK. And he laid WASTE to my HOME.
(Harmen turns to Davis, reminiscing with a smile.)
JACK HARMEN: We fought like MORTAL ENEMIES...So knowing what I know of the pissed off and enraged psychopathic version of Tony Davis... knowing that's the man that's got his eyes set on the Urban Legends?
(Harmen smiles.)
JACK HARMEN: REALLY glad to be on the other side of that this time. I can't wait to just sit back, pop some popcorn, brew some tea and BASK in the never ending violence.
(Harmen laughs.)
JACK HARMEN: What can I say? I have a fetish for blood!
(Jack Harmen backs off, so Tony Davis can take center stage. In the background, Mary-Lynn Mayweather starts going over the itinerary with Jack.)
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER (softly in background): So you got that summons for crashing your car into that old folks home.
JACK HARMEN (softly in background): I told them I was aiming for the prison!
(Tony Davis walks to the camera. He takes up just about the entire frame. He gently places his index finger underneath the camera's chin, raising it to meet his eyes.)
TONY DAVIS: So what makes this tournament ANY different? Empire Pro, set in a cage. Ultratitle, one hundred twenty eight men. Here? Eight teams, seven matches, one champion.
(Davis smiles.)
TONY DAVIS: After three short defenses? The Unified Championship.
(Davis' eyes go wide.)
TONY DAVIS: Cause Boogie, this is JUST... ANOTHER... way for you to be DISAPPOINTING! Like how you ALMOST reformed your classic tandem with antithetical elements Inferno Fire, and then SHATTERED the dreams of a bunch of twenty year olds. How DARE you. I would NEVER do that to Jack. And Jack has NEVER done that to me. We are partners for life!
(Harmen shoots Davis a look. Davis rolls his eyes.)
TONY DAVIS: For all the times that I've tried to rip his head off... And viz a vi he trying to my head off and DRINK my blood... I have NEVER disrespected him.
(Davis' eyes narrow.)
TONY DAVIS: Malcolm. How long will it be before Boogie does that to you?Disrespects you and has you ATTACKED?! Ten years? A year? Next week? Or will it be the next time you DISAPPOINT Boog as much as BOOGIE does the WORLD?
(Davis smiles.)
TONY DAVIS: Do you trust Boogie MJ? Really? After ONE DAY?! Or do you HOPE, do you pray, do you WISH...
(Davis inhales.)
TONY DAVIS: MAYBE. I can trust him...
(Davis backs up a step.)
TONY DAVIS: Maybe.
(Davis takes another step back as Harmen climbs onto his back.)
TONY DAVIS: But we're family.
JACK HARMEN: And you two, HAVE NOTHING.
(Davis raises his arm. Mary-Lynn Mayweather adjusts her glasses as they pose.)
TONY DAVIS: We are Team VIAGRA. And we will SHATTER your reality. But it's not OUR fault.
(Davis smiles.)
TONY DAVIS: We told you to take the blue pill.
(FADEOUT.)