Welcome to FWrestling.com!

You've come to the longest running fantasy wrestling website. Since 1994, we've been hosting top quality fantasy wrestling and e-wrestling content.

Waddup Now, World!? (Lowell)

DWoods

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
211
Points
16
Location
Mexico
(CUT-TO: LOWELL, at the bar, with a cup ‘o lean. A bunch of well-dressed twentysomethings crowd around.)

LOWELL: “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! One step closer! Watch me make it rain!”

(LOWELL digs in the pockets of his tight leather (???) pants, and “makes it rains” with nickels and dimes… and pennies… mostly pennies… okay, ALL pennies. The group of Manhattan yuppies that he’d sidled up upon becomes annoyed and swiftly moves away from him. LOWELL is left standing there, sipping his purple drank, unfazed.)

LOWELL: “The rain makes people run for cover… hrm… shrugzies… N-B-D! `Cause I’m, like, a ****’s hair away from strapping some gold around my waist! Then we’ll see who’s Mr. Popular, and who’s being made fun of… YOU THINK I CAN’T HEAR YOUR DEROGATORY COMMENTS!?”

(Lowell “shrugzies” once more, then swills his medicine, with a resounding, contented “ahhhhhhhhh” to follow.)

LOWELL: (Turning his attention to the camera) “So, Highflyer, you snow-selling fool… you thought you could squeak one by me? Guess you know what’s what now, eh? You were the first to experience the supreme head-locking, ‘wrastling’ power of Lowell.

“I’m not done yet. Oh no. Not by a long shot.

“I’m going to march forward, toward the GOLD at the end of the rainbow. And if I have to hammerlock a leprechaun along the way, so be it. I’ll strike you down like a bolt of lightning.

“Then, it’ll be PARTIES, and FINE WOMEN, and JET FLYING, and all that JAZZ! Heck, I might even WHEEL N’ DEAL! Think I won’t spin that WHEEL?”

(LOWELL holds up his finger. He takes two steps and, like a contestant on the Price Is Right, grabs hold of an imaginary wheel and RIPS THAT ****. His head cranes around slowly and dramatically. An eyebrow raises.)

LOWELL: “I’m not afraid to lose. I’ve lost, like… two hundred times. 1-2-3. That’s 10 minutes of my fuh---king life that I’ve spent pinned beneath the sweaty body of another man. Luckily I’ve spent at least double that pinned beneath the sweaty body of a cheap prostitute. BIG MONAAAY!

“But champions don’t have to pay for mouth love, and neither will I. Hornet didn’t have to pay for mouth love. Eddy Love… yeah, like HE had to pay for mouth love. No homo.

“What I’m trying to say is, sure… wrastling’s not like it was in the 80s. Jet flying’s been replaced with coach flying. I DON’T CARE! I’ve been coach lying, greased on the lean, for a couple of years now, watching my prime years pass me by. BUT NO MORE. Now, I take the bull by its horns, wrangle that sum *****, and scream at every one of my haters: “YOU BETTER GET… BULLISH… ON LOWELL.”

“Next show – I’ll be there, old man huggies riding up the crack of my ass, oiled up, ready to go! And no, High Flyer, there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it!

“I’d tell you all to follow me on Twitter, but I’ve sworn off the Internet. Too many haters. So I stick to tweeting in a Word document. Want it? Hit me up. Don’t have email, of course, `cause I swore off the Internet, but if you can find me, I’ll be glad to take down your mailing information, print off the six pages I have typed up, and snail-mail that **** to you.

“Envelope and stamp, like Jesus intended.”

(LOWELL showcases his Jesus piece, dangling it from his fingers as it hangs around his neck. He sips his lean.)

LOWELL: “Dammmmn, my roll is getting slowed as we speak, bubbah! I better go before they invite me to jump behind the bar and mixologist the crap outta their crap, sinful liquor!

“Remember: Find me on the streets, request my tweets – I’ll send ‘em to you. Then you can facsimile the Good Tellings to all your friends and families! Heck, Christmas’ll be here before you know it – my Good Tellings make sexcellent stocking stuffers. So stuff ‘em in your stockings. … No homo.”

(FTB)
 

About FWrestling

FWrestling.com was founded in 1994 to promote a community of fantasy wrestling fans and leagues. Since then, we've hosted dozens of leagues and special events, and thousands of users. Come join and prove you're "Even Better Than The Real Thing."

Add Your League

If you want to help grow the community of fantasy wrestling creators, consider hosting your league here on FW. You gain access to message boards, Discord, your own web space and the ability to post pages here on FW. To discuss, message "Chad" here on FW Central.

What Is FW?

Take a look at some old articles that are still relevant regarding what fantasy wrestling is and where it came from.
  • Link: "What is FW?"
  • Top