WFW Gates of Hell: Luster vs. Andre Eian

[PaulNJ21]

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Apr-20-03 AT 02:43 PM (EST)]
The winner of this match will face the winner of Starr vs. Bradford for the #1 Contender for the North American Title at the PPV. The deadline for RP/angles is April 30th, Post all promos for the match here!

 

[coolmint21]

You screwed up, Main Squeeze

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Apr-22-03 AT 01:27 PM (EST)]FADEIN:: The WFW Arena, Luster enters the ring after the Shock and Awe of his defeat. Luster is wearing his typicial attire and his music (Funkytown) is playing.

Luster: I gots the moves and you know this. I showed the moves and I had what it tooks to be the man. The ladies saw me in prime form. Dollar here dollar there. My partner broke the bank. He screwed up. All I worked for taken by this jealous spectator, Eian. He jealous of me main squeeze. I'm not scared. Everyone wants me, Mandingo.

Luster: At Gates of Hell, I will drop the Funk and Wagnell on his jealous ass. The ladies will finally see what I gots. The package you ask? I will bring the package. Wrapped for the ladies to open. I will be #1 contender for the North Americana or whatever the hell it's called. I need more luster around my waist. The ladies can shine the belt once I take out two of the jealous spectators. I will ride the Express Train to Funkytown with the title. Yous can't hold me down, baby.

Luster: The ladies will be saying "We love you Luster, show me the Banana." Give it to me, Luster. You know ladies. You all love me and you want me to win that title. I will smack my B**ch up. Eian, you will downtown to Funkytown, b**ch.

FADEOUT: Luster leaves. He dances all the way up the ramp. The ladies go wild for Luster.

 

[andreshadow]

What the...

The camera shot fades in to one Andre Eian, smiling widely. He has his hair pulled back. He's wearing a pair of jeans and a white T-Shirt (decidedly unlike The Shadow). In one hand is a can of Rockstar. In the other is a video tape. The Shadow suddenly bursts out laughing.

[font color=red]Hahaha! Oh my GOD! IS there anything more humorous than this guy?[/font]

A few off camera murmurs and laughs are heard. Shadow laughs some more, before finally drinking a bit, then stopping.

[font color=red]Holy sh*t, my man. I haven't laughed that hard in days. My fault? You think that trivial tag loss was my fault!? You simply must be kidding. I was the only one on our team who did jack-squat! How can you consciously say that it was my fault? Sure, I did in fact get pinned, but Jesus, I wrestled for twice the ammount of time you "did". I'm sorry if wrestling talent comes as a second nature to you, but intelligence is obviously not high in your gene pool. There's just something about male strippers that negates that they can't have any semblance of wit or mental prowess. Not that it suprises me at all that you're dumb as a brick.

You see, Luster my boy, you're going up against a highly technical and psychological wrestler. It takes more than a "large package" to take me down. And honestly, there's nothing to brag about. Yeah, that's right, I saw you stuff socks down there backstage. Trust me, ladies, Luster's "banana" isn't too much without the two extra-large knee socks he stuffs down there. Honestly, I can't understand for the life of me how the guy can walk straight. The chaffing must be unbearable.

But anyway, enough about the highly vaunted "package" of my opponent. The focus is, of course, the fact that we have a match. Now, Luster, part of my respect for you was lost when you pulled that hairbrained stunt in the first fall. It did in fact work, but one must have some sort of honor. Second of all, I don't need some man-whore dimwit trying to fight me after a very brutal and long competiton. Third of all, any man who stuffs socks down his pants isn't much of a man in the first place.[/font]

There's a bit of laughing from the crew off-camera again.

[font color=red]Oh right, I was supposed to stay off that subject.

At any rate, Luster, you'll see what I'm all about when I fight you in a few days. Hopefully, you'll regain your senses and, oh, get out of town or something to that effect, but if not, I'll be waiting to get to you and show you what a real wrestler is.[/font]

The camera fades.

 

[coolmint21]

RE: What the...

[updated:LAST EDITED ON Apr-25-03 AT 09:57 AM (EST)]FADEIN: The camera pans a seedy hotel. The camera zooms in on a woman half-naked on the bed next to the one and only Luster.

Luster: Luster is here, ladies. They flock To the C**k. Popeye needs the spinach to get his muscules. Luster needs practice for his muscule. All the ladies love, Luster. You know this Eian or Andre or whatever yor name be. Luster, rode in from Funkytown to prep the Luster muscule.

Luster: Practice? Luster will get all the practice he needs whuppin' Eian's ass for the # 1 Contenderness for North Mexican Title or something like that. Luster will drop the Funk then the Wagnell on the faces of all the Spectators, Mandingo.

Random Girl: Come back to bed, Lusty. I need some of that Funkyness.

Luster: Hold on now Luster needs to say some more. Andre, I thought you wouldn't mind some Luster in yor girl's diet. Like Luster says all the ladies love.

Luster: At the Gates of Luster, you will see the package. So whoever Luster be facin' at the next Luster Show be ready. Luster will take the title and Eian's girl will polish it for me like all the other ladies. Scooty Michaels or Rat Stink, whoever it may be. The Funk then the Wagnell, b**ch.

Random Girl: Done now?

Luster: Luster is done.

FADEOUT: Luster crawls under the covers.

 

[andreshadow]

Well, sh*t, son...

We fade in to Andre Eian sitting in a big, empty warehouse, as usual. He is seated in a big, carved throne out of oak. He's wearing a long black trenchcoat, black jeans, and a black t-shirt. He smiles in the general direction of the camera.

[font color=red]Man, Luster, I overestimated you. Sure, I thought you would step up once I showev you what I was all about, but once again, you prove just how stupid you are. Again, you waste my time by running off about the North American title and such crap. And then, of all things, you talk about the "Funk and Wagnell". I'm sorry if I don't find dropping crotches on other mens' faces as appealing as you, but Jesus. I'm not impressed by your buffed-up man-whore schtick, so just drop it. I'm not intimidated by your "c*ck", and I'm certainly not afraid of any sort of "punishment" you could possibly dish out my way. Trust me, Luster m'boy, you're out of your league. Stick to your Pornstar thing and get out of the WFW. We don't need overly-egoistic narciccists running around mucking everything up for the serious wrestlers. Why don't you get out of the ring and let the real boys play.

Basically, that's all I have to say to you, since I don't want to overload your feeble mind on too much info. Instead, I'll issue a warning to the winner of Starr Vs Bradford. I'm coming for you, and hopefully you're a bigger threat than "Mandingo" here. I'll see one of you at the next show. Prepare yourself now, because after I'm done, you won't be the same...[/font]

He smiles, and the camera fades as he walks out of the shot, coat billowing beind him...

 

[coolmint21]

I would like to introduce...

FADEIN: The backstage of the WFW Arena. The cameras zooms onto Luster. Luster looks somewhat happy.

Luster: Luster is here to say somethin'. Luster don't like to be insulted. Luster don't like to be bad mouffed. I gots the package. The Funk And Wagnell.

Luster: Moving on, Eian will be Luster's B**ch at Gates of Luster. Luster will dance for the ladies. He show the ladies the package deal, Mandingo.

WFW Staff: Sir, your assistant has arrived.

Luster: Don't interrupt his Funkyness. Luster on a role, Mandingo.

Luster: Bring him over.

Luster: Ladies and Ladies, Luster wants introduce his new assistant. He get rid of the ladies when they're done studying the package. He will also help Luster defeat the UnFunky Eian. Here is P. Nut. Luster's assistant.

A short tubby man walks up next to Luster. He is wearing baggy clothes and some fake gold necklaces. His gold tooth is fake, too.

P. Nut: Listen b**ches I gots Luster's back like you gots his front. At Gates of Luster, I will help Sir Funkyness to his soon to be title reign, playa. The North Alaskan Championship, playa. I gots to flow, playa. "Luster, Luster, Luster can't you see sometimes your package hypmotizes the ladies." Like the flow, playa. Me and P. Luster we tight, dogg. Luster is my main man, playa.

Luster: Just shut up P. Nut, you need mo Funkyness trainin'. No whats I mean. Hypmotizes? Now P. Nut take your ass back to the Funky Train and bring me back some ladies.

P. Nut: Hatorade Drinker, S**t playa.

Luster: Eian, Luster brought out the big gun for our match. Luster gots the ladies, they gots the dollars, Mandingo. I drop the Funk then the Wagnell on your a**. Be ready, and tell your girl thanks.

FADEOUT: Funkytown plays as Luster walks off camera.

 

[andreshadow]

Holy homoeroticism, Batman!

We fade in to The Shadow in his MAGICAL WAREHOUSE OF INDIMIDATING DOOOOOOOM. Okay, so maybe it isn't so magical, indimidating or doom...ful. Whatever. At any rate. He sits in the middle of this dimly lit warehouse in a large, oaken throne. He's in a pair of jeants, a leather jacket, and a white T-Shirt with "ICHIBAN" written on it in black letters. He has a pair of sunglasses on, despite the late hour. His goatee is neatly trimmed, and his hair is pulled back as usual. He smiles at the camera, and finally chuckles a bit.

[font color=red]Luster, you make things too easy. You open yourself too much...[/font]

He suddenly starts laughing again. He bends over and laughs so hard tears start to roll down his face. This continues for a while, before he stops, gasps, and wipes his eyes free of the tears. He replaces his shades.

[font color=red]Whoa boy. No seriously, my man, you're too easy to score on...[/font]

Once again, he bursts out into violent laughter. As before, it continues for a while, before stopping.

[font color=red]Oh man, I really have to stop doing that. But seriously, I'll stop now. You see, man, you talk about the ladies and how popular you are. Then you hang around with some guy who's last name is nut. I mean, COME ON! The gay vibes simpy floooow out of you, my friend. I mean, first of all, you stuff socks down your pants. Second, you tan more than a broadway dancer, and third, you constantly talk and brag of grinding your crotch in mens' faces. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I figure if the audience wants to watch homosexual pornography, they'd go rent a video. And no, Luster, I definitely don't want you to "drop the funk and Wagnell" on my ass. I don't swing that way.[/font]

He starts laughing again as the screen fades.

 

[coolmint21]

Unhappy

FADEIN: Luster's Apartment. He is surprisingly alone for this talk. The camera zooms.

Luster: You make the ladies unhappy. You insult Luster like some amateur. Luster may not be a smart man but he does know how to give an ass kickin'. The ladies think Luster can't take you but Luster knows better then that. You put a damper on Luster's package. P. Nut is shinin' it up right now.

Luster: At Gates of Luster, I will drop the Funk then the Wagnell. Luster will win and move on to another match and drop package once again and again and again. The ladies will love Luster again, mandingo. He win be crowned North Alaskan Champ. With P. Nut at Luster's Side it's a sure win for Team Luster.

Luster: See you later, b**ch.

P. Nut: Yeah, playa tell that Luster Hater who is boss.

FADEOUT: Luster leaves the scene.