(Cue up: “Human After All” by Daft Punk)
(FADEIN: El Arco Iris sits in a grassy field in the middle of a park. It’s about dusk, so the light is not as strong. He’s wearing his mask as always, and a rainbow tie-dye t-shirt and shorts, but over this he has a dull, pale gray robe over it all. He holds the WFW North American title belt in his lap.)
IRIS: Only after abandoning El Arco Iris’ cause has El Arco iris found some form of validation for all of these efforts, all of this questing. Only after El Arco iris decides to abdicate the throne of proselytizing happiness should El Arco Iris have some reason to feel like El Arco Iris is worth a damn in this business, in this pitiful masochistic sport we all participate in. but perhaps El Arco Iris has a reason to go on now and continue to speed up the natural decay of El Arco Iris’ body and psyche now that there is this wonderful shiny emblem of value to wear over El Arco Iris’ waist.
(El Arco Iris stares contemplatively at his title belt and drapes it over his shoulder.)
IRIS: You’ll have to excuse El Arco Iris if El Arco Iris is not ready to so easily give you the one object El Arco Iris has left here to describe any kind of meaning El Arco Iris may have amongst the greats in the sport of kings, but…as much as you, Dan Ryan, claim to empathize with El Arco Iris’ problems, you have to realize El Arco Iris has gone through something more than simple disappointment and complacency. El Arco Iris has gone through a rather grotesque paradigm shift recently, where El Arco Iris has basically had to realize that everything one knows and believes in is really what everyone has been telling you, and that is that it’s a sham. But El Arco Iris was so deeply enamored with this perceived love that El Arco Iris had from the crowds of people who showered El Arco iris with shallow appreciation…El Arco Iris enjoyed it so much, it was like a tranquilizing opiate to the turmoil of a psyche that was taught to think one emotion was the only emotion worth feeling. El Arco Iris clung to that very premise upon which all of the teachings and actions were based on that perhaps it collapsed under the very FORCE of El Arco Iris’ GRIP!
(El Arco Iris slumps forward and props his head in his hands.)
IRIS: It’s like that first relationship. So intense, so fulfilling, you just refuse to believe anything can go wrong with it. You shower your adored one with affection, try to make her feel just as special as she makes you feel. Everything seems to be going so fine. But then she comes up to you and says “El Arco Iris, quit treating me like glass!” Like glass! EL ARCO IRIS IS JUST TRYING TO BE A NICE GUY FOR ONCE, G*D DAMMIT!
(El Arco Iris takes hold of the title belt and yells directly at it.)
IRIS: IS EL ARCO IRIS TREATING YOU LIKE GLASS? NO! JUST TRYING TO TREAT YOU LIKE THE ONLY SPECIAL THING IN EL ARCO IRIS' LIFE, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE, SOME FAINT GLIMMER OF LIGHT IN THIS PATHETIC TUNNEL OF GRAYNESS EL ARCO IRIS TRAVERSED AND TRIED TO BRIGHTEN UP ON EL ARCO IRIS’ OWN, BUT WAS TOO WEAK TO DO SO! And then you left El Arco Iris. YOU KISSED EL ARCO IRIS AND THEN JUST AS SOON TOE-KICKED EL ARCO IRIS IN THE BALLS. Then El Arco Iris succumbed, because El Arco Iris had no crutch left to stand on, so El Arco Iris has no further choice but to bathe himself in shades of monochromatic MEDIOCRITY. And…perhaps as some kind of karmic token of pity…El Arco Iris gets handed this piece of leather-and-metal glory, simply because El Arco Iris had let that abyss of normalcy embrace El Arco Iris. As some kind of surrogate lover, some kind of dummy for me to direct El Arco Iris’ absent-minded, one-way affections toward. PERHAPS EL ARCO IRIS WILL LOVE THIS BELT BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO LOVE, MAYBE. JUST MAYBE. UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO LET EL ARCO IRIS BACK INTO YOUR HEARTS, YOU SICK, SADISTIC HARLOTS!
(The camera closes in on El Arco Iris’ face, and you can see tears streaming down his neck from underneath his mask.)
IRIS: Perhaps, Dan Ryan, the only thing El Arco Iris has left is you. And maybe El Arco Iris will make the same mistake again, and treat you like glass, too. Yes…El Arco Iris will have to treat you like glass. There is no other way...
…BECAUSE EL ARCO IRIS BREAKS GLASS! AND EL ARCO IRIS WILL LAY YOUR FRAGMENTS IN A NEAT LITTLE PILE RIGHT NEXT TO WHATEVER WAS LEFT OF A PURPOSE FOR...THIS...LIFETIME!
(FTB)