WFW:NE Unplugged, 07.18.09!

[TheOriginalSE]

LIVE from the BJCC Arena in Birmingham, Alabama on July 18, 2009!​

WFW:NE brings the action to Birmingham, Alabama as the very first Unplugged comes from the BJCC Arena! The event features four HUGE matches as the New ERA PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme championship will be on the line when King Krusher takes on the P©X champion Jason Payne! A tremendous triple threat tag team match is scheduled as GAMMA-O and Jared Wells face off against the teams Psycho and Golem AND Minion and WFW World Heavyweight champion Felix Red! The BAD World Heavyweight championship will be on the line as the unorthodox Peter File goes head to head against Steve Johnson... and in the main event ... the New ERA World Heavyweight championship will finally be unified as World Heavyweight champion Larry Tact takes on World Heavyweight champion Shawn Jessica Hart, PhD! Be sure to join us at the arena, and if not, be sure to join us via WFW:NE's official TWITTER as Jason Tripp will be tweeting the action as it happens! All this ... and MORE ... as Birmingham, Alabama gets UNPLUGGED!

MATCH #1 - New ERA PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship -

KING KRUSHER
versus
"The Dog of War" JASON PAYNE (c)




MATCH #2 - Triple Threat Tag Team -

GAMMA-O & JARED WELLS
versus
PSYCHO & GOLEM
versus
MINION & FELIX RED (c)




MATCH #3 - BAD World Heavyweight Championship -

PETER FILE
versus
STEVE JOHNSON (c)



MATCH #4 - MAIN EVENT: New ERA World Heavyweight Championship Unification Match -

SHAWN JESSICA HART, PhD. (c)
versus
LARRY TACT (c)
​

*** All RP and angles are due by SATURDAY, July 18th, 2009 at 11:59pm PST. Angles should be submitted to wfwnewrestling@gmail.com .. any angles not in the e-mail box by Sunday night won't be on the card ...

 

[LQJT86C]

(CUTTO: PROBLEM CHILD in the bathtub scrubbing his mullet)

PC: Well look what we have here. Did somebody throw a "Wrestlers That Peaked 10 Years Ago" party and forget to invite me? I'm just sayin', cuz it's obviously BYOB- Bring Your Own Badgimmickthatnevergotover...and my name IS Problem Child!

Wait, Jason Payne's on the card?

Nevermind, looks like I've been outshined.

Jason Payne sucks for two reasons: 1) because he's Jason Payne, and 2) because he's forcing me to root for King Krusher, who I believe has a Chinese cousin named Qing Qrusher. Jeez, I hope his first name ain't Kevin, 'cause that would just be bad for business north of Mason-Dixie. And yes, that WAS ME verbally ass-raping King on the telly last week. I was like Prince Pwner- just all up in his sh*t like a dick in a prison shower. BUT...he's facing Jason "Too Hot for the Undercard so they stuck me on the mid-card" Payne for some dumb belt, so it looks like he'll be the next Prodigy Classic Xtreme Champion!

On a sidenote, how the F*CK can something be both classic and extreme? Sh*t, if we're playing by crazy people rules here, can I be the first Solo Tag Team champion?

"Come on PC, lay off the guys, you're just making the league look bad!"

Really? Then you're gonna love what I do to the next match...

'Cause it involves the fantastic duo of PSYCHO and GOLEM! Ooooh, how spooky! Can we get a run-in from Frodo and Sam? Golem...are you f*cking serious? "One jabronie to rule them all and in the midcard BIND THEM!"

Hey look, it's Jared Wells! Where do I know him from? I'll give you a hint: it's NOT from the time he beat me in TEAM! Man, is this Dangle Brother short shriveled and hanging to the left or what? You think you beat me Jared? Ha! Little do you know that was one of the many stunt-men I send to lose all my matches for me! Maaan what the f*ck do you know about my undefeated streak? STILL rockin' the zero in the right hand column!

Such a shame he's teamed with Gamma-O. Has ANYBODY...anybody at all...yet realized this guy is named after a sports supplement company? Awwww looks like SOMEBODY got had for some free advertising! "Shameless plugs on every card...we'll be RICH! This is fool-proof!" Well of course it's fool-proof, it happened in WFW! I'd rather untangle my pubes and count 'em one by one than wrestle here...your contracts ain't fit to wipe my ass with, cuz my dingle-berries might get booked wrong and sh*t.

Hmm..let's see...Felix Red? C. Jason...(laughs)...Payne? C. (laughs again...laughs some more...camera goes dark, we pick up five minutes later, PC has only just stopped laughing) Felix Red? C. Steve Johnson? C. Shawn Hart? C. Larry Tact? C. WHAT THE F*CK, DUDE? The title scene here is like the Tony the Tiger Sweepstakes free f*cking giveaway...they can't hand 'em out fast enough! Who runs this popsicle hut anyway...Keebler Elf?

It's gotten so bad that even Alex Wylde stopped demanding these devalued pieces of tin and instead took up something more productive...like fixing transmissions and sh*t.

By the way...WHY ARE THERE TWO CHAMPIONS? Cool, can I be one too? No I'm just kidding, I don't want one.

Seriously though, Shawn Hart? The 2009 Flic Rair WOOOO! award nominee for name originality? Versus Larry Tact...Larry Who?...Larry Tact. Forgive me Larry if I'm not familiar with your work; it's just that I normally forget to DVR bush-league main events...kinda like this one.

Excitement abounds, whatever that means...cause this event is gonna be TWITTERED! Yeah, apparently WFW isn't content enough with people leaving their arena seats en mass, they needed to up the ante and force them from their computer chairs as well. You people couldn't sell out a 500 word essay, let alone a 10 word tweet, let alone a g*ddamn sports arena.

Think I'll be watching? Think again. Think I'll be competing? Think again. You've got a better chance of my kids dripping into the ring after Felicia Hart wipes them from her chest than you do at seeing wrestling's number one headache step in.

(Picks up a phone call)

Hello? Oh hey! Huh? OH...right!

That was Alex Wylde. He suggested I at least make SOME sort of wacky demands before I cut this love fest short, so here goes.

I uh...I dunno...gimme all the titles, unify 'em, and name it the Problem Child XXXtreme Classic Style Hardcore No Rules Extremely Dangerous But At The Same Time Respecting of The Rules And Just like Old NWA Title?

Get at me on the cell...

(FADEOUT)