Retort!
FADE IN: Shawn Hart, downtrodden and dejected, is slumping back in his La-Z-Boy. Laden with bread crumbs, marinara spills, and renegade Ruffles chips from last Thursday, he stares intently at the Murphy Brown reruns projecting from his television set.
HART: "Ohh Candace Bergen... how delightfully decadent you once were. Like a piece of candy... Candy Bergen and her big butter balls. I'd switch to Sprint for that booty in a heartbeat... 10 cents a minute or not."
*BELCH*
HART: "Mmmm... Corky Sherwood-Forest. I'll trim your bush anytime... even if it is infested with small, woodland creatures."
He pauses for a beat... and reflects.
HART: "What the hell?! I used to be big business... now I'm just a porn-addicted fry cook at a Greek/Thai hamburger stand living in his mother's basement!"
Ma Hart interjects from the upper level...
MAVIS: "SHAAAAAAAAWN!!! Come give mum a sponge bath and take out the damn trash you worthless sunuva *grumble-SNORT*"
The former Phenom shakes his head in disgust.
HART: "Unnngghhh... What in the sam hill am I doing?! I don't need to put up with this JACK-holery, and since my Texas Hold 'Em career didn't pan out..."
CUT TO: Harrah's Casino in New Orleans - 2006 WSOP - Limit Hold 'Em Table 6
CHRIS 'JESUS' FERGUSON: "Beat this, Bubbles..."
DEALER: "FERGUSON shows a FULL HOUSE, 10's full of Aces..."
HART: "Oh yeah!!?! Well I've got ALL REDS, nnnnnnnndaddio!! Read 'em n' weep!"
CUT TO: The present.
HART: "...I guess I'll have to get back into 'rasslin. I mean, it IS time for the BattleBRAWL, aftah all."
He scratches his chin in a rather pensive manner.
HART: "Now where did I put that Thighmaster?"
TO BE CONTINUED!
