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Wouldn't It Be Nice?

SRadder

Bull On Parade
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
43
Points
0
(Our scene opens at The Most Famous Intersection In The World, Hollywood and Vine. STEVE RADDER is standing on one corner, beside an entrance to the Hollywood/Vine subway station, wearing a USC hoodie.)

STEVE RADDER: In our business, it's good to know a winner. It's good to know a loser. Evidence ... (RADDER points to his shirt) ... suggests that Steve Radder is one who knows a winner when he sees one.

(A brief smile crosses his face.)

STEVE RADDER: A whiner, too. When I made the decision to make it back to the CSWA, I knew I was in for a lot of self-indulgent whining and carrying-on, but my goodness, Troy Windham, you've taken the cake. The all-time crown. The top spot.

(RADDER shakes his head, bemused.)

STEVE RADDER: I knew I was in for a lot of huffing, animated, agitated diatribes about how "I got robbed", or "They overlooked me", or "I honestly was helping that donkey over that fence", but your recent performance, Troy, that one was the one that clinched the Gerber Baby Lifetime Achievement Award For Crying Excellence.

(He raises his index finger to eye level, turning his head a little bit as if the next bit is taking some effort.)

STEVE RADDER: Your performance might have been something your "masses" couldn't see past, but I, Steve Radder, saw right through it like the cheap Polyestostyrene curtains Kevin Powers furnishes his "home" with. I know a chicken**** when I see one, Troy. You might say ... (another smile) ... I know something about the subject. You weren't at Primetime 500 because you weren't invited? Maybe it was because, in your heart of hearts, in that underused thing in your skull you call a "brain", you knew the big names would show for 500. Who could resist its allure? You knew there'd be high rollers making their way back. High rollers ... like myself?

(RADDER draws air in and straightens up.)

STEVE RADDER: Or maybe ... maybe so scared that you'd get lost in the shuffle. Maybe, just maybe, you had no confidence in your abilities to rise above. No confidence to pull off something like I did when I beat Aho and Powers. No confidence in your ability to shake off the rust and the years.

(He winks at the camera.)

STEVE RADDER: Keep hiding behind your words, Oh Great One. Until you show me otherwise, they're all you've got.

(He turns away, one hand still in the pocket of his jeans, where it was when he began.)
 

GreggG

Moderator
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
810
Points
18
LA Story

(CUT TO: The Mysterious Zoltan and "The Wrestling Artiste" August De La Rossi standing in front of a black CSWA blackdrop. Zoltan is shirtless, flexing his chest muscles, Z's shaved into his otherwise bald head. August, multi-colored dreadlocks, smirks as he wears a homemade T-Shirt reading "My Economy Went Global And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.")

AUGUST: Steven Radder, my benefactor, mentor and hero Troy Windham told me he didn't have the TIME to address you personally with his busy schedule. I mean -- check it out, dude -- he's only, like, the GREATEST wrestler of all time. He's the greatest champion in CSWA history. And like The Epitome said, Radder... you DEVALUED his CSWA World Championship and helped lead this league into decay.

Y'See, Radder... you're just like The World Bank. Or the International Monetary Fund. YOU DEVALUE EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH, RESULTING IN POVERTY FOR THE MASSES WHO CANNOT DEFEND THEMSELVES. I bet, Steve-o, you're just like ALLLLL those idiots at home and like every other idiot wrestler in a locker room. I bet you've never ONCE read The Utney Reader. I bet you've never ONCE have shopped at a Vegan Co-Op. I bet you couldn't name me THREE Tortoise songs or two New Order albums. (Rossi shakes his head in disbelief.)

That's why WE'RE here, Radder. Big Z is here to crack some skulls. Myself? I'm here to bring FLAMBOYANCE back to this industry. We need wrestlers with a PURPOSE. I'm here to help rid this world of the injustices brought forth by the global multinational corporations seeking to enslave us all. And, at the same time, express myself artistically since we live in a cold, cruel world where NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME. Except for one man who sees my vision... my patron, Troy Windham.

And Troy's purpose, Radder? He's here to... once again... take this promotion on his shoulders, to regain his never lost CSWA World Championship... and lead us all to the promised land. And you may just be the first to learn The Gospel According To Troy... The Wrestling Industry's PERSONAL JESUS. (August does a sarcastic bow as Zoltan growls. FTB)
 

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