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WRESTLEVERSE III - World Tag Team Titles: Anthology (c) vs. Felix Red/Gotho/Silver

NotorisSTD

League Member
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Messages
397
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Age
40
Location
Boston and other places.
"my haircut is awesome"

(CUEUP: “Two cups of Tea” by Star F---ing Hipsters…)

(CUTTO: Upside-down EPW banner, in front of which stands Felix Red in a neon green “TheDeathSet” T-shirt and black Dickies, dreads up in pigtails, arms folded, head hanging, not a happy camper. He’s flanked by the Gothopotamus, who’s obliviously dancing to his iPod, and with his new Mohawk looks quite a bit like Ethan Suplee in The Butterfly Effect. Ryoko Mikoto is, astoundingly enough, also standing by Felix, tight black halter top and jeans…)

FELIX: Somewhere between feeling abandoned and betrayed, and feeling lost in a vortex of madness that is my own creation…there is a numbness I’m not so sure I’m enjoying at the moment…

I’m not so much bothered that First gets a big singles title push, and I basically got caught in the middle of a pissing match twence First and Cruise, and set up to look stupid…Maybe it was my fault we lost the belts, or maybe it was Ryoko’s.

RYOKO: Wh—hold on, how could it possibly be my f-

FELIX: (puts a single finger to his lips, to make the “hush” gesture at Ryoko) But even if it was my fault, I’m also the one who won us the belts. Does First acknowledge this? Does he stick around to give me a pat on the back and say “Don’t worry about it, pardner…we’ll get ‘em next time.” Naw, he’s too busy scrambling to become intercontinental champion. Not world champion, you’ll note. He’s accepted his place in the mid-card. Accepted he’ll never break through the glass ceiling. And chose this modest, sad, compromised level of glory over me. Over what WE had…(drops his forehead into his hand, and sighs…Ryoko pats him on the back)

RYOKO: Aw, baby…don’t get so upset. Everybody knows you’ve been carrying First since Forsaken first started. You’re like….Scott, and he’s Rick. You’re New Jack, he’s Mustafa. You’re Billy Corgan, he’s James Iha. You’re George Michael to his other guy from Wham.

FELIX: Yeah, I guess…

RYOKO: So let him have his little moment in the spotlight. You’ve already got a rematch for the tag belts.

FELIX: And here’s where I address Wells and Tact, Team Alpha Sigma Capa Lightweight, currently enjoying what will go down in history as a brief, disappointing run as tag champs, remembered by all parties involved as an embarrassing mistake, an experiment ending in your tearful apologies, Jared m’sir, you once again debasing yourself, pathetically begging for affirmation, desperate to cuddle.

RYOKO: Ugh, and then he keeps calling me even though I never pick up and avoid eye contact every time I pass him in the hallway…

FELIX: You may be a poser, but to your credit, you’re not quite as stupid as you act…and look…and sound. You know you’re helpless without a posse, and know full well from being in my posse, that you can’t party with me. Shot for shot. Line for line. I’m owning the dance floor, you’re tossing your cookies in the ally. I’m basking in alternate realities, you’re huddled in the corner under some blankets waiting out a bad episode because you always take more than you can handle. ‘Cause you want to look like the big dog. The dumb jock who makes fun of the goth kids before nailing the cheer leading squad.

But high school’s over, Jared’ums. And we never went to college. This is a reality we’ve made our own – where my haircut is awesome, and I’m introducing the cheer leading squad to the wonders of MDMA while you’re failing to wow them with poopie jokes… While Tact lingers around with his ineffectuality, happy to be noticed on the rare instance anyone remembers he exists.

RYOKO: Yeah, and you two shlubs got lucky last time, but on the PPV, you’re totally f(bleep)ked! You’re heading down the path to misery, only happy when it rains, because Felix Red’s partner at Wrestleverse is a jillion-time former world champion, DOC-mother f(bleep)king SI-(Felix cups a hand over Ryoko’s mouth before she can finish…)

FELIX: Sorry everybody. She’s crazy on drugs. She doesn’t know what she’s saying. I’m not tagging with some expired 90s relic here to siphon my heat…I need a partner I can rely on…To prove I never needed the First…I absolutely don’t need Doc Silver…I don’t need anybody. Except me.

Magical, singular, snowflake me…

My partner at Wrestleverse, and future EePeeDubya tag champ…is the Gothopotamus.

(Gotho does a double take, and removes his little iPod headphones…)

GOTHO: Did someone just say my name?

(Felix grins, Ryoko shakes her head, and Gotho looks confused as we FTB…)
 

BarryClarkJr

DADDY
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
364
Points
0
Age
43
Location
Baltimore, Maryland
Daddy Comes Home

RYOKO1.jpg


(Camera opens up to a back porch at his residing home in Baltimore, Maryland. Tiki lights lit up surround his swimming pool, with the party lights circling around his fence. Camera pans around the backyard for a bit until you see Jared Wells standing behind his pool bar wearing usual sandals, jeans, black cut off Anthology "DADDY" shirt, classic Arnette sunglasses over his spiked hair. Also with his Captain and Coke sitting on the bar, and one half of the EPW World Tag Title sits)

JARED WELLS: It is 1:12AM on a Wednesday and I thought why doesn't Daddy go ahead and fix himself a cocktail?

(Grabs his drink and sips it)

Now, Wrestleverse III is right around the corner. It just so happens to be in my very own backyard. Now.......

While I was in the shower this morning working on my spectacular ball fro I couldn't help but wonder who exactly Felix Red had in mind for his partner. While I was pushing the pubs in the tub with my toe towards the drain I really really had to wonder.

Felix Red for the millionth time.

(Nods)

What do I have to say about Felix Red?

Your simple rants of cheerleaders, high schools, jocks, and posses really have me convinced your more F(BLEEP)KED than normal. Another cracky flash back with Jared Wells was in 2004, and another night with Felix Red at the club. I'll never forget that myself, Psycho and Felix decided to just have drinks one night.

Laid back night right?

Not with Felix Red.

While Psycho and myself were boozing it up. Felix decided to fade to black into the crowd with no notice. Two hours later Felix comes back putting his arms around everyone F(BLEEP)KED up on ecstasy. Psycho is freaking out and Felix Red is going around the club telling them he wants to dress up like a Japanese anime cartoon girl.

Embarrassing you think? Oh no, it gets better. You questioned me about just drinking that night.

Once you screamed "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. COME! Come run with us through the pretty little forest you'll see, and feel so good!"

As much as I wanted to knock you out for making us look ridiculous, I had to seek water before your scrawny ass had a cardiovascular breakdown.

Ever since then, I never ever wanted to party with Felix Red again. In fact pal, you can still have the dance floor. Pacifiers, grinding jaws, happy sardines, and all you little mother F(BLEEP)ERS holding hands creating the cuddle puddle does not sit well with daddy.

Now, onto the point. Big dog has to eat.

The Forsaken holding onto the EPW tag team titles in the past year has been a wretched episode in EPW. The Forsaken is in total dismay with The First not sure what he really wants to do. He can't win the big one. He can't win the second one.

Who is Larry Tact and Jared Wells really facing at Wrestleverse III?

Felix Red & Ryoko vs The Anthology?

Ryoko what is the story with you sweat heart? When you talk about Jared Wells you talk about a cult icon. Your talking about Daddy. I bet you sit there all night coked up thinking about the Dangle Brothers. All coked up feeling confident, alert and sexy. None of the above will help you have a night out with Daddy. None.

Felix Red & Gotho vs The Anthology?

What a joke. I couldn't handle Felix Red running around naked with glow sticks, and I can't go through the hell again.

Felix Red & Doc Silver vs The Anthology?

Ah yes, the legend of Doc Silver. Somebody to me growing up who WAS the man. Doc Silver was the type of guy who would show up to a war with just rocks against machine guns.

Doc Silver is only happy when it rains.....

(Camera zooms up to Jared's face as he stares into space with a wicked look on his face and beings to talk slowly)

You know I've waited for this day to come for a long long time. Just because I said I looked up to you doesn't mean I ever liked you. Somehow you've managed to entwine yourself into this mess of The Forsaken. I honestly could give a F(BLEEP)K about any type of relationship you've had with Felix Red or RYO-KO-KO. I can see it right now, Felix Red prancing around wanting answers from Doc Silver as Doc is screaming "HOW DOES MY D(BLEEP)K TASTE?" Set all that infidelity aside Doc Silver I'm begging you to show up at Wrestleverse III. Your image and your comeback is already ruined and watered down. I want my moment at Wrestleverse III and what's left of the name Doc Silver I will spread among to the poor.

Felix Red, Ryoko, Goth, & Doc Silver vs Jared Wells & Larry Tact?

Either way The Anthology are walking out still the EPW World Tag Team Champions.

Doc Silver you still happy when it rains?

I'm only happy when it bleeds........so I can kill it.

(FADEOUT)
 

The Great Eye

I came to cut you up
Joined
Jan 29, 2004
Messages
1,337
Points
0
(FADEIN: Doc Silver walking around what appears to be a soundstage. Doc's rocking a pink and black first CD "G" t-Shirt and his normal sweat pants.)

DOC: Look Jared...I'm a mover and shaker, and when they pitched EPW Idol to me, I jumped at it, anything to try to refresh a company that's stuck in a rut and needs a fresh start...Heavens knows with you being touted as a 'up and comer'...This place needs as much talent as it can get...I understand the whole 'sh*t talk Doc' thing...Hey might get yourself some attention, make people care about you...But sadly, we're not gonna fight...Cause well, Felix has made another mistake.

Felix did decide to take a partner, which is an improvement over what I expected, he didn't choose an infinite time world champion who would simply win the match for him because I'd get in the ring, the ref would look at me, look at you, look at Tact, and then out of mercy ring the bell because of the gross mismatch of talent...

Felix instead picked a fat useless moron...But at least he picked him...Gives Felix a chance for a breather ever now and then, maybe for 30 seconds or so every now and then...Felix is making baby steps towards being a fully lucid and coherent person...I give him credit for that...

Now if you'll excuse me Wells, I'm gonna be working around here and see if I find people with more talent then you to be the next EPW Idol...Of course I figure the final 8 on the show might pass the "Wells threshold" so that's not exactly a lot to ask...

(Doc's cell pops to life with his ringtone shockingly being "Only Happy When it Rains")

(FADEOUT)
 

Starbreaker

Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2004
Messages
409
Points
16
Age
40
Location
New York
I saw this on TV somewhere....

Manhattan, NY. A panning shot of the World's Most Famous Arena, Madison Square Garden, fades to Larry Tact standing at the entrance, wearing a black overcoat, shoes, slacks, and unbuttoned aquamarine collared shirt, with black shirt underneath.

LARRY TACT: "If this was really Lindsay Troy's idea of a formidable challenge to re-spark the tag division... then she must have a LOT of faith in Anthology's ability to put the division on our backs. No complaints, though. Somebody's got to reset the standard for EPWs tag division, after the Forsaken's run...ning it down."

"Let's be honest though, Red and co... the only way you'll beat Anthology at Wrestleverse is if we beat ourselves. I mean, who the hell did Troy really serve up to Wells and I? It's EPWs very own behind-the-scenes, E! True Hollywood Story of the Brady Bunch. If Red's gonna show up, he'll last as far as the latest drink or line serves him-- which might not be too long, considering tolerance buildup and all."

"Gotho's got enough trouble keeping suburban lawns from cutting him, and if they do he just writes bad poetry about it. That might be giving him too much credit, though..."

"Now, since I last checked, Doc, Gambler's Anonymous doesn't count as higher education. Neither does the Bret Michaels' School of Boats 'n Hoes-- sorry Wells, couldn't count it. So I guess I'm the only one here who went through the 'college experience.' And Gotho, you're like all the punks I had to haul off my college dorm house's steps, so we didn't have emo stink creeping into the lobby. You damn well aren't going to step into the same ring as Wells and I, and turn it into your own personal sulking ground, at Wrestleverse."

"Doc and Ryoko? The dysfunctional parents... or is it Red and Ryoko? Either way you slice that-- no pun intended-- it's just wrong. You keep finding boxcutters and hair dye streaks on the walls of Gotho's room, and end up getting fed up and telling him to, "At least go down the river, not across the steet, dumbass!" Hell, Red, you've probably done that much yourself, already, so not much of a stretch there. And with how much Doc's got himself cut open over the years, he probably barely feels it anymore. It could practically qualify as your family hobby."

"Meanwhile, Red's doing his thing on the side with Ryoko... at least, according to the internet. I guess it does something for him to experiment, and see if the drugs make the bukkake any better? Doc, I guess that almost puts you in a Kevin Spacey-American Beauty role. You know Ryoko's bonking the other dude, but instead of lifting weights, you get hit... over and over... and continually get up and puff your chest about it. Because, hey, you're good at that. Unfortunately, instead of the teen daughter's friend for you... there's only Gotho. Or Ryoko can double up."

"One thing's for sure, Doc... if you bother to get into the ring at Wrestleverse, just stay down when we put you to the mat. Say what you want about Wells and I, but the fact is you couldn't possibly have any interest in jumping in on this, anyway. Then again, since you found yourself apart of this twisted mess with the other three, maybe I should just expect you'd f**k up again and join in. That's your mistake to make, though, if you choose to. I don't have Jared's shred of respect for you, though, and I'm not gonna lie-- I hope you choose to."

"Anthology's been kicking ass, non-stop, since this whole unlikely alliance began. And no offense, but to have a goth emo p***y... and some dysfunctional trio deal us a loss, at Wrestleverse?"

"Now that might drive ME to write a damn poem."

FADE OUT.
 

NotorisSTD

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
397
Points
0
Age
40
Location
Boston and other places.
kill me kill me kill me kill me.

(CUTTO: Upside-down EPW banner again. Red, looking badass with dreads hanging all willy-nilly, gaudy green and orange “TEAM MIDCARD” T-shirt, and black Gi pants, periodically swigs from a can of purple Joose while waving his other arm at the camera, to emphasize things he’s saying. To his left, Ryoko Mikoto is twirling her hair and rolling her eyes a lot in a white tank top, black leather jacket, and jeans. To Felix’s right, there’s Gothopotamus, in a Birthday Massacre T-shirt and plus-size Lip service pants, make-up all ruined and running from ample weeping…)

RED: Y’see kids, You never get anywhere worthwhile in this life unless you can disregard your perceived limitations. I can do anything I want. I can ravage the space-time continuum by tagging brick walls downtown. I can decipher the mysteries of Lost. I can destroy the world. I’m a human f(bleep)king autonomous zone.

And I can assuredly slap Jared Wells and Larry Tact silly. Again. I can also embarrass them, and First, and Doc Silver, by enabling crybaby face over here to do likewise…

Speaking of being a big pu$$y, gosh, Jared’ums, I guess I went and had a little too much fun for your liking one or two nights. Maybe you should change your self-applied nickname to “Mommy,” as this better suits your rule mongering disposition, yeah? But that’s always been your problem. There are too many lines you’re too timid to cross. You want everyone to know how much you drink. You want everyone to know how many women you’ve slept with. (Ryoko makes universal jerking-off the air gesture) You want everyone to know what a high-larious guy you are, ‘cause really, you just want to be loved. In the end, you’ll probably always let others’ perception of you run your life.

Whereas Eye, if it wasn’t obvious, can’t tell the difference between the good and bad kinds of attention. I can only gauge the sheer quantity of either, or. Which is why, typically, when our paths cross, you eat splinters, and I get my hand raised.

Yeah, you’re hardcore. Just not so hardcore it’s going to make anyone uncomfortable. It’s cute that Doc Silver is apparently your boyhood idol, or something. Maybe you can become his arch nemesis, instead of me, so he can have his big sentimental retirement match against you, and quit badgering me all the time.

And as for you, Tact McTactums, you need to get your youth-oriented sub-cultures straight. Gotho is, duh, GOTH, not Emo, you clueless yutz. Is Joy Division Emo? Is Skinny Puppy Emo? Do emo kids like to dance?! NO. Get with the times, man. Oterhwise, you’re right, Gotho’s poetry is horrible, his dancing is worse than his haircut, and his personal hygiene skills are dubious at best, and I’m sure he’s the sort of guy you would’ve beaten up, many, many times back when you wasting your parents’ money and experimenting with your sexuality in college. But there are certain unpleasant truths that you have yet to become cognizant of. This man is a hopeless masochist, Tact. When you hit him, he likes it. He thinks he deserves it, and he’s mostly right about that. He CRAVES punishment and humiliation. Hit him with a chair, and it’ll just make him send a facebook friend request. How the F(bleep)K do you expect to contend with that?! Also, he’s probably too fat for you to suplex. Tell ‘em Gotho! Tell ‘em how they’ll all feel your pain!!

GOTHO: Look, I…(bites his lip) I really don’t think I want to do this. I know I keep saying I like pain, but those guys are going to KILL me…

RYOKO: Oh, quit being such a little b!tch. You just told me this morning you long for the sweet release of death.

GOTHO: Yeah, b-but (sobs) Wells and Tact aren’t literally going to kill me, they’re just going to beat me up really, really bad…If they cripple me, I won’t be able to dance anymore, and I won’t even be able to end it all because I won’t be able to move my arms or legs…

RED: (slaps Gotho in the back of the head. Gotho starts crying a lot harder.) Nonsense!! You’re a quintessential goth monster! You crave agony and hatred and the desperate whimpers of your enemies! You revel in inflicting the anguish of your life upon others!!

GOTHO: Please stop hitting me…

(Felix slaps Gotho again, Gotho starting bawling uncontrollably and staggers off…)

RED: Eh, he’ll do just fine.

RYOKO: Should've just listened to me and gotten D-(felix, once again, makes the little hush-hush motion. Ryoko sighs, and lights a cigarette as we FTB)
 

BarryClarkJr

DADDY
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
364
Points
0
Age
43
Location
Baltimore, Maryland
infomercial night

doc.jpg


(Camera opens up to the same back porch at Jared Wells home in Baltimore, Maryland. Jared relaxing before his EPW tag title defense is wearing the sandals, jeans, black cut off tee. He's pouring himself another Captain & Coke drink, and keeping his eye on the TV)

(TV SCREEN V/O: "WARNING! The following content contains nudity and sexual situations. Not suitable for minors. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

WOMAN ON TV: Looking for a hot threesome for three bucks? Aren't you tired of Girls Gone Boring? Instead shocker girls will blow you away with our three dollar three DVD gift pack. Do you know what the shocker is? Intend sexual content. CALL NOW!

(Camera pans down to Jared Wells sipping his drink and shaking his head)

JARED WELLS: Jesus Christ, now I know its time for bed. I'm gonna go ahead and finish this beverage and call it a night. Daddy has a long day before Wrestleverse III.

(Jared then turns his back to the television to wipe the back bar down as you hear a sudden static noise from the TV. All of the sudden the terrible sound quality from the infomercial is louder than normal. Jared slowly turns around)

(TV SCREEN V/O: EPW IDOL! Have you ever wanted to break into professional wrestling but you just didn't know the right people? And you refuse to travel the country wrestling in high school gyms, and sleeping in your car? Ruining any chance at a serious relationship? Well what if we told you two industry professionals were willing to evaluate your potential!? And what if those professionals were a former Ultratitle Champion and a Pro Manager/Color Commentator?! And what if the winner were to be awarded a six figure EPW Contract and a BRAND NEW, MANAGEMENT APPROVED EPW TITLE???????!!!!!!!!!!!!

FEATURING....DOC SILVER, He's only happy when it rains.

(Camera shows Doc Silver prancing around pretending to dance with a headset on)

And guest starring JIMMY MYLDE who is just tellin like it is

(Camera shows Jimmy Mylde standing behind Doc Silver watching him dance shaking his head in joyment)

Tryouts and first cuts begin Saturday, May 2nd...DON'T MISS OUT!!!!!!!!

(Screen blacks out then to a static silent screen)

JARED WELLS: Alex Wylde? Jimmy Mylde? I get it now. I see Doc Seacrest is too busy with things in his life. Doc went from superstar to infomercial man with a part in his hair. Before he finds any talent, he better find his balls first.

(Jared then yawns really loud with his arms up in the air. He grabs his drink and starts to finish it. All of the sudden the television reception comes back in once again in terrible quality)

(TV SCREEN FELIX RED: "Y’see kids, You never get anywhere worthwhile in this life unless you can disregard your perceived limitations. I can do anything I want......)

(Camera then pans from the television to Jared Wells. Felix Red still speaking on TV the camera shows Jared Wells having his back turned leaning up against his brick taking a leak in his bushes. The the camera pans back up to the television)

FELIX RED: ......I can ravage the space-time continuum by tagging brick walls downtown. I can decipher the mysteries of Lost. I can destro............

(CLICK)

(Camera pans down on Jared Wells with the remote in his hand. Once again takes a long yawn, grabs his drink, chugs it and walks off in a very sleepy way)

JARED WELLS: It's tough being a legend......it's tough being Daddy....


(FADEOUT)
 

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