Impulse (c) & Stalker vs. The Dangle Brothers (Cameron Cruise & Jared Wells)
["Killing In The Name Of" - Rage Against The Machine. Crowd jeers immediately as Cameron Cruise steps onto the stage.]
TF: Ladies and gentleman, the following tag team contest is scheduled for ONE fall, with a twenty-minute time limit! Introducing first, from Jacksonville, North Carolina... weighing in at 267 pounds... he is a former EPW World Tag Team, Television, and TWO-time Intercontinental Champion! THE CRIPPLER'.... CAMERON.... CRUISE!
DT: Aggression is back on, fans, and it looks like we're about set to have our first of two tag team contests of the night.
DM: And in addition to the heated exchange between the four involved in this match, Dave, the stakes have been raised even earlier tonight.
["It Was A Good Day" - Ice Cube. 'Daddy' Jared Wells joins Cameron Cruise on the stage, creating a loud mixed reaction, almost entirely of boos. The two make their way down the ramp, talking trash to the fans all the way into the ring.]
TF: And his partner, from Baltimore, Maryland... weighing in at 254 pounds... he is a former EPW World Tag Team Champion! 'DADDY'.... JARED.... WELLS!
MN: Yeah, like you were saying Dean, Wells and Cruise will FINALLY get the rematches they deserve!
DM: I don't think I said anything about their deserving rematches, Mike.
MN: I heard it.
DM: Like many things you hear, Neels, it's just the voices in your head.
MN: Don't be jealous.
DT: Back to Dean's point, Cruise and Wells petitioned Dan Ryan to give them second title shots against their respective Russian Roulette opponents. Ryan agreed, IF they can topple their opponents tonight.
DM: Right, Dave, and that's a huge IF.
MN: Bah, please be joking.
["Did my time" by Korn blares over the speakers as black hits the big screen. Stalker walks out slowly staring at the ring cracking his knuckles as he makes his way down the ramp, smiling at Jared Wells, who leans over the ropes to yell at Stalker.]
DM: There's nothing funny about his guy, Mike.
MN: You know, I actually agree with you.
DM: .... THAT might be funny, and is definitely a joke.
MN: No, I do agree. Stalker is the only chance his team has of winning, because FAIRY BOY isn't going to be absolutely useless against the class of EPW in Wells and Cruise.
DT: Fans, one would assume Mike is referring to Impulse.
MN: The guy is a hack! Not to mention a complete and total BORE.
DM: Our reigning, and undefeated, EPW Intercontinental Champion, Impulse.
MN: Yeah, EPW should just get rid of him.
DT: I'd like to take this time to remind everyone that Mike Neely's opinions are solely his own, and EPW believes his opinions add color commentary to the broadcast.
MN: Speaking of which, what color are they talking about? Because there was this stunner of a black bi--
DM: Oh Lord, save me now from this...
MN: What? Anyway--
DT: As Stalker taunts Wells from outside the ring, it looks like Wells isn't having any of it and comes out to meet Stalker! The two are trading blows, and now Cameron Cruise joins in!
DM: Thank you, Lord.
MN: I had a great story to tell.
DT: It will have to wait, hopefully for a while, Mike. Wells and Cruise have tossed Stalker into the ring. The referee is calls for the bell as Wells and Cruise reenter, but they continue the double-team assault!
DM: Stalker arguably had a heavy hand in Jared Wells' loss to Impulse, and Wells has been waiting for this ever since.
DT: Stalker is trying to fend off both men....
["Revolution Baby" - Queen V. Impulse comes out to the stage and double-times it down the ramp and slides into the ring.]
DM: But here comes the cavalry!
MN: And there goes the exciting part of the match.
DT: Impulse in the ring and he hits a flying forearm as Wells faces up to him... Cruise with a clothesline, Impulse ducks under! Stalker and Impulse with Clotheslines sending Wells and Cruise to the outside!
DM: Hell must be chilly because Impulse and Stalker are showing signs of teamwork.
MN: I feel nauseous. Stalker is being forced to do this!
DT: Stalker turns Impulse around to face him, now... he's berating Impulse, jabbing him in the chest with a finger?
DM: I think he's saying something about not getting to the ring fast enough when he was being attacked, what a complete jackass!
MN: He's right, Impulse just let him get attacked!
DT: Impulse grabs the finger Stalker is jabbing him with, and this could get... Wells and Cruise floor Impulse and Stalker while their backs are turned!
DM: Stalker needs Impulse to be his best ally tonight. That was not a smart move.
DT: The referee gets Wells and Stalker out of the ring, so Cruise and Impulse are going to be the legal men. Cruise with a side headlock. Impulse feeling things out as Cruise talks some smack to a fan in the front row... Impulse suddenly shifts his weight and rolls them both back, Cruise pinned!
ONE!
TWO!
DT: Cruise kicks out, and scrambles up to his feet, looking stunned! I don't think he was paying attention.
DM: Cruise is a veteran, but I think he may not have been expecting Impulse to be able to counter into a pin, given their weight difference. Impulse is dangerous as they come, from a technical standpoint.
MN: I think he went for a low blow, and threw Cruise off.
DM: I think you need your prescription checked, but only one of us is right.
MN: We shouldn't agree too often, Dean. It makes me uncomfortable.
DM: ... I'm not agreeing.
DT: Cruise seems a bit more hesitant to lock-up again, and Impulse moves in with a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Crusie uses the weight advantage to back Impulse to a corner, but Impulse manages to swing it around and corner Cruise, followed by a couple chops to the chest. Cruise fights through it and strikes a forearm to Impulse. Cruise with another, a chop by Impulse, forearm by Cruise, followed by a kick to the abdomen forces Impulse back... Cruise grabs Impulse by the arm and reels him in with a Clothesline, flooring him.
DM: Cruise will use his size to try and keep Impulse in check, we'll see how it works.
DT: Impulse back to his feet, but Cruise hits him with a Clothesline that sends him to the corner. Cruise moves in and grabs Impulse by the head, landing punches. The referee reaches four on his count before Cruise backs off.... only to grab Impulse and bring him to the team corner, where he tags out to Wells.
MN: 'Daddy' is going to give this Fairy some lessons he should have learned back at the woodshed.
DM: The woodshed where, New York City?
MN: It's a very urban woodshed.
DT: Jared Wells is in and he works over Impulse with some knees and fists. The referee warns him and Wells brings Impulse up for a Powerslam, but Impulse slips out the back. Impulse with a forearm to the back of Wells.... and Wells retaliates with a back elbow to the head of Impulse, sending him flying to the mat!
DM: Wells is a brute.
DT: Wells laughing at Impulse, who gets up and looks for a tie-up. Wells grants it and then shoves Impulse to the mat again. Impulse gets back up and goes for another tie-up... no, Impulse goes around and ducks another back elbow. Wells swings around and Impulse hooks him... STO from nowhere! Wells hits the mat hard and Impulse covers... kickout at one. Both men back up and Wells with a punch, countered by an Impulse chop. Wells again goes for a punch, and Impulse with another chop. A third and fourth chop from Impulse sends Wells into the ropes. Wells sent across the ring on a whip, comes back with a Clothesline! Impulse dives under and takes down Wells with a leg screw. Cover, one count again.
MN: Dumb. Wells is fresh.
DT: Impulse takes the knee of Wells from the mat, but is shoved off into the ropes. Impulse comes back with a Dropkick to the face of Wells! Cover... One! Kickout just after. Impulse segues immediately into a Kneebar.
MN: Boooooorrrrrinng!
DM: I can't believe you can't appreciate this.
MN: What, this snoozefest? Get Stalker in there, at least! We'll see a real fight then.
DM: Impulse was getting floored by Wells, until he took control of the pace. Repeatedly forcing Wells to use a little more energy with the pinfalls. This is Wrestling 101.
DT: I agree, Impulse can't go blow-for-blow with Wells, one of the hardest hitters in the business. Wells drags both he and Impulse to the ropes, and grabs them to get a rope break. Impulse obliges at the count of three. Wells, smart in going to the ropes near his corner, tags out to Cruise.
MN: Here is someone who was an exciting Intercontinental Champion.
DT: Cruise has had two reigns with the title Impulse holds. Impulse goes for a tie-up, but Cruise goes behind into a rear wais tlock...Impulse reverses and Cruise with a Snapmare. Cruise off the ropes facing Impulse, comes back with a diving forearm but Impulse evades with a roll and keeps Cruise grounded, mounting him. He goes for a Camel Clutch but Cruise fights it, powers out and rolls them over, then turns to mount Impulse and lands a couple hard strikes to the face. Impulse uses his legs to hook Cruise's arms and pulls him into a pin! One! Cruise powers Impulse back over and lands another strike, then pins Impulse's shoulders with his knees... One! Impulse hits Cruise's head with his knees and they break away.
DM: Some good ring work there by both men.
MN: Cruise is no slouch, he's learned from the best!
DM: Can't argue that.
MN: And he's held every EPW title except one.
DM: Why can't you commentate like this all the time?
MN: Like what?
DM: With factual information.
DT: Impulse with a tags Stalker on the arm, and Stalker looks like he just got slapped across the face. He enters the ring slowly, but not without some words for Impulse, who can only shrug as he exits.
MN: Impulse couldn't handle Cruise and he knew it. What a fraud.
DM: Oh well, so much for the facts.
DT: Stalker goes up to Cruise and they both begin exchanging words. Stalker with a slap to the face of Cruise! Cruise unloads with some right hands, but Stalker has a couple of his own!
MN: Yes!
DT: Stalker backs up Cruise with a haymaker, then a Dropkick to the knee puts him in control. Cruise falls to a knee and Stalker is on him with a Running Knee to the face that floors Cruise. Stalker brings Cruise up and hits a Russian Leg Sweep... holds on and hits a second.... and comes up for a trio! Stalker with a cover...
ONE!
TWO!
DT: Kickout at two by Cruise. Stalker waits on Cruise... Belly-to-Belly Suplex? Cruise fights it with claps to the temples of Stalker, and breaks the grip. Cruise wastes no time in picking Stalker up... and hits a Shoulder Breaker. Cruise stomps on the neck and shoulder of Stalker.... picks him back up and brings Stalker back on his shoulder... Stalker slips out and hits Cruise in the back of the head. Cruise staggers forward and Stalker grabs him for a Bulldog! Cruise holds Stalker up as he jumps... turns him and lands the back of his head on the turnbuckle!
DM: A vicious twist counter by Cruise.
DT: Cruise brings Stalker up and climbs to the second turnbuckle, taking his time to land mounted punches.
MN: I don't know who to root for.... I like Cruise, but Stalker's a crazy person. I don't want to be murdered in my sleep for saying anything.
DM: I think you've got a long list of people to watch out for, then, Neels.
MN: Really? From when?
DT: Watch some video, Mike. Any show will do. The referee counts Cruise down, as he was using closed fists, and Cruise backs up the official and gives some lip in the process. He turns back and Stalker bursts out of the corner with a Dropkick to Cruise's chest! Stalker manages to make a tag to Impulse.
MN: Impulse is such a glory hog, wanting back in the match already.
DM: Stalker tagged out!
MN: Only because he's such a great teammate.
DM: Oh, please. Impulse is only teaming here because he knows he gets Stalker in a cage at Black Dawn.
MN: Which shows how fair a negotiator Stalker is.
DT: I wonder how much that match favors Impulse, to be honest. For now, Impulse back in and Cruise tagged in Wells. Impulse immediately moves in for the knee of Wells, but Wells avoids him and clubs Impulse on the back. Impulse absorbs a punt to the chest and flops onto his back with the force! Wells now with an Elbow drop... and another to the chest of Impulse, then a cover! One! Kickout at two by Impulse.
MN: Wells can play the pinning game, too.
DM: I thought you said that was boring.
MN: Yeah, when a boring nerd like Impulse does it.
DT: Impulse slow to get up and Wells waiting, slapping the Intercontinental Champion on the head... Impulse trips up Wells and locks in the Kneebar again, and he has Wells in the middle of the ring!
DM: Wells is struggling to drag Impulse's full weight with his, without any leverage from his legs. Impulse has the hold on one, and is keeping the other leg locked in place. Wells needs to move almost an extra 190 pounds, along with himself, with just his arms... and he's struggling!
MN: Come on, 'Daddy!' Don't let the dead weight keep you down!
DT: Wells is halfway to the ropes, but he's not getting any further. Impulse is wrenching on the knee, and Wells is writhing a bit... Wells changes strategy and tries to pry Impulse off... no can do! Impulse has it on tight.
DM: Wells had better think fast.
MN: Just move!
DT: Cameron Cruise is in the ring, and the referee turns his attention and stops Cruise. Stalker is telling Impulse to grab his arm for leverage, but Impulse tells him to stay in their corner.
DM: Look at Wells! The referee is still getting Cruise back to his corner...
DT: Wells takes his belt off and cracks it on Impulse's face! Impulse releases the hold and is grabbing his eye, that's completely illegal! Wells with another shot to the head of Impulse, stop that!
MN: Hahaha! 'Daddy' just gave Impulse a little home-schooling!
DM: That should be a blatant disqualification, but Cruise just got back onto the apron, and Wells tossed the belt into the corner and covers Impulse.
ONE!
TWO!
DT: Impulse, clearly shaken up, gets the shoulder up. Wells is yelling at the referee for taking too long, of all things.
DM: He should tell his tag team partner to stay on the apron.
MN: Hey, Cruise must have seen something the referee was doing wrong.
DM: Yeah, or maybe he didn't want the referee seeing that belt.
MN: It's just ring attire, it's legal. Wells got creative.
DT: I'm pretty sure that isn't what the EPW Rulebook says, but nonetheless.... Wells was lining up Impulse as he got to his feet, and now mows him down with a rough Clothesline! Wells has some words for Impulse... picks him straight up off the mat, and hits a Fallaway Slam. Wells up and feeling it now, bouncing side-to-side in the ring and taunting Impulse to the displeasure of this crowd....
DM: Even if it is Stalker in his corner, Impulse needs a tag here.
MN: Even if it's stalker? Stalker is a future World Heavyweight Champion!
DM: We won't get into how he earned that title shot.
MN: He beat Dan Ryan.
DM: Yeah, and only after being the biggest menace EPW has known. He forced Dan Ryan to fight.
MN: Who cares, he won.
DT: Wells sent Impulse into the corner, now setting him up on the top turnbuckle and climbing.
DM: Ugh... Impulse looks like he's already got some bruising from his temple to near his nose... not pretty.
MN: Welcome to the real world, Fairy Boy. This is a real fight.
DM: Impulse has won plenty of fair matches, and can win fair fights, too.
DT: He's in a situation here, as Wells is on the top rope and has him hooked. Superplex-- no, Impulse manages to hook a leg to stop Wells. Wells with a couple of rib shots... but Impulse blocks another attempt. Wells with hard shots to the kidneys, and it looks like Impulse buckled a little at that...
MN: End of the match right here!
DT: SUPERPLEX! IMPULSE COUNTERS INTO A CROSS BODY!!
ONE!
TWO!
DT: THR-- KICKOUT BY WELLS!
DM: Wow, what a counter, in midair!
MN: That... that sucked!
DT: Impulse nearly pulled the win out of nowhere. He's trying to get to his corner, Stalker looking at Wells and seeing a chance.
DM: Wells looks like he may have taken some of Impulse's weight on that worked over knee. He's having a little trouble getting back up.
DT: Impulse is slowly nearing his corner, and Wells the same with his...
MN: Come on, Cameron, do something damn it!
DT: Impulse with a tag and Stalker is in! He races over to Wells, inches from Cruise, and drags him to the center of the ring! Wells turns and kicks at Stalker... Stalker puts knees to the damaged one of Wells. Stalker stomps all over that leg of Wells, who is trying to twist and avoid the blows, to little success.
DM: Stalker is zeroed in on that limb, and he's got that 'shark-to-blood' mentality going.
DT: Stalker grabs the leg of Wells... going for a Sharpshooter! Wells manages to shove Stalker into the ropes and gets into a corner. Cruise in the ring again!
DM: But Impulse enters and warns Cruise to not try anything.
DT: Cruise goes after Impulse across the ring! The referee goes after Cruise as the two exchange blows....
DM: Jared Wells!
DT: AGAIN! Stalker was distracted by Cruise and Impulse. He turned to get a belt shot to the groin by Wells, who had tossed it into the corner earlier. Stalker to his knees, and now Wells is using that belt to choke Stalker!
DM: Ref, turn around, this is a heist in progress!
MN: Impulse shouldn't have said something about Cruise's momma. I heard him.
DM: Don't even try, Neely.
DT: Cruise and Impulse are separated by the referee, and Wells tosses the belt out of the ring... and just blatantly chokes Stalker on the mat with his hand! The referee turns and sees it, and Wells breaks at four. Cover by Wells!
ONE!
TWO!
DT: Impulse with a foot on the ropes, causes a break.
DM: Look how smug Wells is. This is not how you earn a title rematch.
MN: They're getting the job done in my book.
DM: The world isn't ready for your book.
MN: That's what some publishers have said... what's the problem?
DT: We don't have time to explain them all, Mike. Wells gets Stalker up and into his corner, tagging in Cameron Cruise. Stalker is tied up by Wells in a Full Nelson, and Cruise with a measured shot to the abdomen.
DM: Wells and Cruise, both former World Tag Team Champions, making good tags.
MN: It's Dangle theory at work.
DM: I don't know what that may mean, and am glad for that.
DT: Cruise with an Atomic Drop on Stalker, then brings him down with a Back Drop. Cruise foregoes the cover and brings up Stalker... whips him to the ropes... telegraphed a Back Body Drop, Stalker blasts Cruise with a kick to the chest! Hooks the waist and hits a Side Suplex... holds on, standing switch to a front waist lock... Belly-to-Belly Suplex! Both men down!
DM: Stalker showing a good variety of suplexes tonight.
MN: Like I said, future World Heavyweight Champion!
DM: I never said he wasn't able to compete on the level. I just don't like how he gets his way.
MN: You wish you could do what he does.
DM: I most certainly do NOT.
DT: Stalker with a cover!
ONE!
TWO!
DT: Cruise with a shoulder up at two-and-a-half! Stalker sizing up the opposition now, circling Cruise....
MN: Evenflow time!
DM: I think you may be onto it there, Neels.
DT: Cruise using the ropes to get up, and Stalker waiting patiently... Cruise up and turns into a kick from Stalker... hooks the head, and Cruise hits some shots to the ribs. Stalker retightens his grip, but Cruise runs him into his corner.... Stalker holds on! Wells grabs Stalker by the throat but the referee admonishes him, and Wells lets go. It's enough for Cruise to slip out of the headlock though....
DM: The referee says next one is a DQ.
MN: Stalker must be threatening that referee's family.
DM: I think he's just enforcing the rules.
MN: And WHY would he do that to Wells and Cruise, but not the other team?
DT: Cruise is grabbing the referee by the shirt now, claiming a neck injury... Wells grabs Stalker again while Cruise is blocking his vision! But Stalker hangs Wells on the top rope! Wells goes to the floor and Stalker tears Cruise away from the referee... Cruise with a quick thumb to the eye! Cruise hooks Stalker... High Impact DDT!
MN: Hah, what a move, Cammy!
DT: Cruise picks up Stalker, and Wells is back on the apron, and gets in the ring! He's fuming at the referee for what Stalker did to him!
MN: Seriously, what the hell was that about?!
DM: The referee should remind Wells of the warning he just gave him...
DT: Cruise picking Stalker up off the mat... LOW BLOW FROM STALKER! Cruise drops to the mat!
MN: DANGLE DOWN! DANGLE DOWN!
DT: Wells gets back out of the ring and the referee begins a ten count for both men...
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DT: Stalker is moving around....
FOUR!
FIVE!
DT: Stalker to his knees.... Cruise is out of fetal position....
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
DT: The referee rules Stalker is up, and he grabs hold of Cruise... no, he goes after Wells, who looked like he may have been making a move to enter the ring! Wells gets knocked to the floor, lands on his feet... Stalker on the apron... TORNADO DDT FROM THE APRON ONTO WELLS!!
DM: That was more the risk-taker I expect Stalker to be.
MN: I'm sad but kind of happy...
DM: That's the voices again, Neels.
MN: I can't decide!
DT: Stalker has had enough of Wells' interference, and he picks up Wells and THROWS him into the timekeeper's table! Cruise from behind with a Double Axe Handle to Stalker's neck!
DM: Stalker has had some neck issues in the distant past... but at this point, his whole body is probably pretty banged up.
DT: Stalker and Cruise are brawling on the outside. Cruise gets the edge and sends Stalker into the apron... Stalker moves to the corner... CRUISE WITH A SPLASH ON STALKER AGAINST THE RING POST-- NO!!
DM: STALKER MOVED!
DT: Stalker DID move and Cruise knocks himself silly! He falls in a heap to the floor, and Stalker clears his head. He picks up Cruise and gets him into the ring...
DM: This time, Stalker needs to hit that Evenflow.
MN: No! ... Yes?
DT: Impulse is offering his hand for a tag ... Stalker goes over to him... and just laughs at him!
DM: I think Stalker said he's going to give a preview for Impulse...
DT: Cruise has managed to grab the referee for support, and the referee shoves Cruise off of him, but falls down in the process. Cruise stumbles into a corner and Stalker runs at him... Cruise moves...
DM: WELLS! WHAT DID HE DO IN THE CORNER!
DT: He had the Intercontinental Title, I think, and nailed Stalker between the ropes as he went for a Shoulder Block! The referee may not have seen...
DM: I think he did!
MN: Wells isn't holding anything.
DM: He tossed the title, dimwit!
MN: Oh, I didn't see it....
DM: Shocker.
DT: But Dean, I don't think the referee saw, either! Stalker stumbles back out of the corner, holding his head.... REALITY CHECK! REALITY CHECK BY CRUISE!!
DM: Not now!
DT: Not like this, a cover!
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
[SFX: Bell rings. "Killing In The Name Of" - Rage Against The Machine plays as the crowd begins shouting obscenities at Cruise, Wells... and even in the referee's direction!]
TF: Your winners of this match..... 'THE CRIPPLER' CAMERON CRUISE AND 'DADDY' JARED WELLS!!!"
DM: What a damper on a very competitive match.
MN: Dangle Brothers had it in the scrotu... err, in the bag!!
DT: I don't think Impulse even saw what happened from across the ring. He came in at the end, but too late, as the fall was counted in Cruise's favor. Impulse still looks uncertain as to what just happened. But now he spots a smiling Jared Wells HOLDING UP the Intercontinental title, and that has the Champion's attention.
DM: Wells got entirely lucky. That would have been a disqualification if the official hadn't fallen from getting Cruise off of him.
MN: Not luck, only skill!
DM: Skill at cheating, maybe.
DT: This was incredibly close, regardless, and could have gone either way in the end. It looked like Cruise made a fatal error on the outside, but as it turns out, Stalker took the fall.
MN: Never count out Dangle Bros.!
DM: And now Wells and Cruise get their title rematches.
DT: They do, as agreed to by Dan Ryan.
[Impulse stares at Wells from inside the ring, as Wells looks at the Intercontinental title and tosses it into the ring. He mouths, "Yours for now," to Impulse as Stalker recovers, holding his head.]