CASTOR: You have staying power, and you turn a profit. That doesn't make you better than me, Dan. That makes you Spam. You're on everybody's shelf, and they go to you when they need to eat. I, on the other hand...they build a cellar just for me, those lucky few. They put me on the top shelf. And when it's time to bring me out, everybody knows it's a special occasion. You could even drink me with Spam, and the Spam would taste better for it.
Spam Ryan...foodstamp champion of the hungry masses.
DAN RYAN: Didn't you know, Castor? People keep getting busted buying lobster and steak with food stamps. It's an epidemic really, a gross misappropriation to be sure.
I'm sure you'd love someone to drink you with spam, maybe take you on a date and buy you dinner, give some calamari a blowjob, I don't know -- the food metaphor has probably run its course.
But you're right -- staying power and turning a profit isn't what makes me better than you -- nor do your lovely successes of the past year make you any better than me, no matter how shiny they were or how lovely the cellar is, because on the two occasions we were actually
IN A RING together, neither of us could put the other man's shoulders to the mat, could we? You'd be better served to maybe consider why it is that Mr. Top Shelf finds it so difficult to handle the spam not giving a shit where Mr. Top Shelf is kept during special occasions, because the thing is, Castor, when I
do come out, you pay attention. You were so much more believable a few weeks ago, but now, you're more like the hungry orphan, tugging on my coat and begging for more.
What's wrong? Don't Eddie Mayfield's teets have an extension cord?
If you turn your head to the left while you're sitting up on that top shelf, you can probably still see my ass-print, Castor.
So all that top shelf talk might work on someone like Impulse, who's just getting his first taste (actually, maybe not), but I think we both know that with me, it's one step above 100% pure amateur hour nonsense.
It's alright though, Strife. I don't mind your surly attitude. You've had a rough few days, so I'm gonna cut you a break. I'll simply deduct the cost of removing "NFW World Champion" from the programs and promotional materials from your half of the purse.