BB:  We're back, fans, and I still don't know what to make of Commissioner Merritt's announcements...except that we'll see the winner of tonight's Deacon/Powers match take on HaVoC for the CSWA World Championship!   We’re down to the final two championship matches….and I’m almost afraid of what could happen after what we’ve already seen tonight.

SB: As long as we finally get some hooters out here, I’m a happy man. And where’s that peon with my drink…I’ve been waiting forever!

BB: It looks like Rhubarb is ready to introduce the US Champion and challenger (music begins to play)…..or maybe not….because here comes Randy Harders right now!

(Cue up: "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson.)

SB: Oh great, here comes the glorified, self proclaimed champion.

BB: Listen to the crowd as Harders comes out, and he's got a mic. I don’t think this crowd quite knows what to think of the United States Champion.

SB: Too bad. The night was going pretty well.

(Harders walks toward the ring in his wrestling gear, with the US Title strapped around his waist.)

RH: That's right, it's the CSWA champion. No, I'm not talking about the Mute Freak whose longest sentence includes a grunt and a sigh. No, I'm not talking about the Apocalypse wannabe, Vampire slaying, man with the IQ of the precious metal that his name represents. No, it's "The HARD One"! (mixed reaction, large pop from some, boos from others)

Now I bet you’re all wondering what I am doing out here. So am I. I’ve put down this Douglas goof more times than he’d like to count….but ‘management’ continues to send him out here. So Douglas…why don’t you just stay in the back where you belong and mop up something while I take care of some real business.

First for you, Mute One.  Yooooouuuuuuu, have got what should be mine after the work I have put in for this company. Yes, I know you all can piss and moan that you have put in more or you put in extra time, but I have something you don't.

SB: Yeah, a rock for a brain.

BB: Shh... the man's talking.

RH: It's called character. Mute boy, you don't speak, you don't laugh, you don't cry. How the hell can you appreciate that which you hold? Let me tell you what will happen, I'm gonna take my nice shiny belt... the only belt held by a true champion in the CSWA, and I'm gonna place it aside for one night. One night only and me and you are gonna get it on. You can choose the night and I'm gonna walk out with that title over there and return the title to a level of respect it hasn't seen since.....well lets just say, it's been a long time.

And don’t think I forgot about you, Powder. Don't you think your getting off without any hints of sarcasim or jokes laid out at your expense. Just think, what have you done recently. Oh yeah, you screwed the Family! Damn, I almost forgot about that one. I'll tell you what is going to happen with you.  If you by some chance beat the Mute Freak tonight, I'll have to lay waste to you.  All the resentment I had for him, will be directed unto you. I'll take PLR on the Farm, I'll take the PLR does Jeopardy, I'll take the UnBlowme and shove them in a nice little sack and slam you upside the head two or three times or until you find yourself unconscious.  Powder, you found yourself a hell you can't even begin to think of when you screwed me. You take the beatings you had from Flair and multiply them by 50 and you'll have the beatings I am gonna bring down on you!

(As Harders finishes his speech, the nursery rhyme "Rock-a-Bye Baby" begins to play. Aaron Douglas walks out pushing a baby carriage, and talking to the child inside. He reaches into the carriage and pulls out a mic.)

AD: I’ve gotta tell you, Randy. You may be a champion in the ring…for now, but you’re still a loser in real life. Who else would leave their wife and baby open for any sucker to make a move on? (He continues to wheel the carriage down toward the ring. Harders looks like he wants to make a move…but stays back as Douglas threatens to reach into the carriage) You’d think you’d learn from the example of some of these other losers like Mark Windham or Hornet who lost their (bleeped) too. But I’ve never accused you of being bright. You talk about laying waste to Deacon or Powers? I could lay waste to you right now, you pathetic (bleeped). But instead…I’m just gonna take that gold from around your waist.

(Douglas lifts the baby from the carriage and tosses it into the air above the ring. Harders makes a mad dash to catch the bundle, and does…then quickly realizes it’s a doll. Douglas levels Harders with a bulldog, sending the doll flying outside the ring.)

BB: I think the only saving grace of that whole exchange was the fact that that was NOT Harders’ child. Other than that…these two are out of hand.

SB: Does Harders really think he’s the CSWA Champion?

BB: Apparently so.

SB: Even after getting worked by the Unholy and Forsaken? I think the man’s on crack.

BB: That’s enough, Sammy….unlike some others, the CSWA has a strict drug policy. 

SB: What about GUNS? 

BB: Well….I didn’t say when it was implemented. 

SB: Uh huh. 

BB: Douglas continues his assault, throwing Harders into the corner and following in with an elbow. He chokes Harders with his boot to the throat, but referee Ben Worthington is quick with the five-count. Douglas pulls Harders out of the corner and throws in through the ropes to the outside. Harders hits the mat-covered floor hard, but begin struggling to his feet. Douglas catches him with a double axe-handle blow that sends him chest-first into the metal barricade. Douglas pushes Harders to the floor, and now he’s got hold of one of the cables that connects our cameras to the truck in the back. He’s choking the life out of the Presidential Champ! Harders tries to pry Douglas’s hands away, but without much luck. And this crowd is going crazy…. 

SB: Because it’s everybody’s favorite burn victim…. 

BB: It’s Hornet! He’s halfway down the aisle, and Douglas doesn’t know it! Hornet shocked us all when he returned at Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular and made his response to Douglas calling him out. 

SB: I bet Douglas is gonna wish that he had ‘Sumo Hornet’ back again. 

BB: We’re about to find out! Hornet taps Douglas on the back….Douglas turns…and gets coldcocked with a hard right hand!!! Douglas is off of Harders now…he fires back at Hornet, and now the two are trading punches. I’m getting word that referee Ben Worthington has thrown this match out…and Harders doesn’t look too pleased at that news. 

SB: Why not? At least he’s done with Douglas, right? 

BB: Apparently so, as Hornet slingshots Douglas down the aisleway and into the barricade.   Douglas goes sprawling, and Hornet quickly drags him to his feet by his hair and throws him through the curtain. Inside the ring, it looks like Harders has the microphone. 

RH: I want everyone to know…that’s the last time I’m wrestling that fool. I beat him at Thanksgiving for this belt, and I beat him what, four, five, sixty-seven more times before that? I’m through with him. It’s time for the CSWA’s Champion to move on and take on some real competition. So who’s next back there? Since the old man saved Douglas for the slaughter, who wants to step up and take the shot? 

(He waits a few seconds. As Harders begins to speak again, music comes on overhead. A young man comes through the crowd and climbs the barricade. Security goes to stop him, and then realizes that it’s Alex Wylde. He grabs Rhubarb Jones’ mic and climbs the ring steps, standing on the apron.)

WYLDE: Hey...Randy...look at me when I'm talking to you. You know why I'm here. You've been walking around with that belt for weeks telling everybody that you are the best the CSWA has to offer. You've been walking around for weeks telling everybody that you are the REAL CSWA champion. You say that belt makes you the best. Well I've come up to Philadelphia from Atlantic City tonight, and I'm here because by saying you are the best man on the CSWA roster...by saying you're the best in the world...you're personally extending a challenge to Alex Wylde. Now, don't get me wrong Randy, you can say what you want...but the only thing that matters is who can put whose shoulders on the ground for the three. And while you talk a lot...you and I both know that deep down you are NOTHING. Nothing at all unless and until you've beaten the best. And (bleeped)...everyone in this building knows that until I get back in the ring...there's going to be an asterisk with every one of your claims. They're gonna watch the tapes and SOMEONE out there is gonna see and know that Alex Wylde was and is BETTER than you...and BETTER than ANYONE else the CSWA has EVER had. SOMEONE out there will make the comparison and decide that when Alex Wylde says he's the BEST...he's damned right, and when Randy Harders says he's the BEST, he's VERY...DAMN... WRONG. But neither of us are going to prove it by talk. So I left Atlantic City and came to Philadelphia tonight to put you to the test Randy, and find out if you can handle the pressure of backing up what you say. You can say I shouldn't get a shot...and walk away if you want...but there'll still be the douberts...and YOU'LL never convince everyone that YOU are the future... until you've proven to the world that *I* am not. And Randy Harders, The only way to do that is to get your ass back in this ring, right now, and put that belt on the line AGAIN, and tonight, in Philly, we'll find out once and for all who's telling the truth...and who's blowing smoke. Ring the damn bell. (Wylde pulls off his shirt and climbs in the ring.)

BB: It’s looks like we’ve got a match!

SB: Is Wylde even under contract to the CSWA?

BB: Harders seemed a little stunned, but he shook the emotion off quickly, tearing into Wylde as the young wrestler climbs into the ring. Harders with a knee to the head, and he quickly sends Wylde to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker! Most of you fans will remember Alex Wylde from months ago in the CSWA when he called out anyone and everyone. And yes, Sammy, I’ve been told he is under contract…as of just a couple of days ago.

SB: Glory be…but am I still under contract?

BB: We can always hope not. Harders goes to drop an elbow on the downed Wylde, but the young star rolls out of the way. Now Wylde goes on the offense, coming to his feet with an uppercut to the stomach. Wylde sends Harders for the ride and brings him down with a spot-on dropkick. Wylde immediately to his feet, and he lays Harders back down with a clothesline! Wylde continues on to the ropes…as Harders quickly gets back to his feet. Another clothesli…NO! Harders ducks the clothesline and catches Wylde with his own as he comes back across!

SB: Now the kid goes to school…

BB: As Wylde comes to his feet, Harders drops him with an inverted DDT and hooks the leg! ONE………..TWO……NO! Wylde kicks out, and keeps his dreams of gold alive. Harders pulls the smaller man to his feet and sends him into the corner. Wylde hits hard…Harders follows in with the shoulder! NO! Wylde hit the mat…and Harders hit the turnbuckle!!! Wylde with a small package from the corner! ONE……..TWO………THREE!!!! I can’t believe it!! And neither can this crowd! Half are cheering, and half are in shock. Wylde quickly grabs the gold out of the hands of Ben Worthington, and rolls outside to the aisleway. Harders grabs hold of Worthington and he’s arguing that it was a fast count…or that his foot was under the ropes. I’ve never seen Randy Harders this upset, Sammy.

SB: Am I supposed to care, Buckley? The man could’ve gone back to the locker room, but no… he decides to call out somebody…how stupid can you be?

BB: We’ll be right back with the US Title match after these messages from U-62!