| CSWA PRIMETIME in New Orleans |
November 11, 2001 |
(CUT TO: The backstage area where a fairly new face to the CSWA is standing in front of a soda machine, a skateboard in his right hand and a dark smile sitting across his face. He looks young and he looks arrogant.) LL: Lance Leizure here, I’m stoked to be here on CSWA PRIMETIME… (Seemingly out of nowhere, a figure's skinny leg comes across the screen, with its foot connecting against Leizure’s jaw. As Leizure goes down hard, it is painfully obvious that JJ Deville is here.) JJ: You want to attack me at ELVIS LIVES, when I was getting some action in the center of the ring with an OH-SO-FINE CHICK? Lance Leizure… IF THAT IS INDEED YOUR REAL NAME… I’m about to show you… (As JJ Deville leans over to continue talking trash, Lance reaches his hands up and around JJ’s neck, choking the life out of him.) JJ: (choking) I’m sorry… I’m sorry…ohgodohgodohgod I'm sorry. (Leizure throws JJ into the soda machine and starts throwing right hands against his body. He grabs his skateboard and slams it against the head of JJ and JJ stumbles forward, and then Leizure tosses JJ across a wooden table full of water bottles. He walks over, fixing his hair, and then stares down at JJ.) LL: I HATE Posers… SB: Man, no one can do that to
JJ DeVille. Unless it's Eddy or BB: How badly do you wish you had JJ's job? SB: You don't even know, Buckley. BB: Let's go to our next ma--
CUT TO: On the big Video Wall screen appears a pair of sultry red lips, similar to the red lips of the DJ in the 1979 cult-fave The Warriors.. CUE UP: A female voice whispers "Secrets..." followed by a pause in which some guitar plays followed by "Of a Professional..." The wall-of-sound of "Voodoo Chile" by Ben Harper gets noisy, as does the crowd. CUT TO: The video screens show various highlights of THE PROFESSIONALS -- Eddie and Craig smoking cigarettes, at a bar, on a beach, watching TV. Then the camera pans to a cordoned-off section of The New Orleans Arena, now replaced with a set. The set is comprised of various "neo-deco" style home furnishings-- an artificial fireplace emits a warm atmosphere, serving as a backlight for the white love seat, couch, elegant bar with oak wood stools, as well as a large television set. Sitting on the stools, shotglasses and cigarettes in hand, are "HOT PROPERTY" EDDIE MAYFIELD and "COCKY" CRAIG MILES-- wearing sunglasses and flashy "Fight Club" style shirts. Craig says something unintelligible to Mayfield who lets out a snicker, and Craig walks off towards the side of the set. Eddie spins on the stool, putting his feet up on the furniture and has a house mic.) EDDIE: Thank you! Thank you! Folks, I am the man with the plan who truly IS Must See TV... and you can sure as hell bet that I feel right at home, sitting at the head of the dining room table with the only people who matter... THE NIELSEN FAMILY! Give it up New Orrrrrleans for your god and your hero... THE MAN YOU CALL HOT PROPERTY! (Eddie raises his hands and closes his eyes, cigarette barely hanging onto his lower lip, as the crowd mostly boos with some notable applause from older college types.) Now, this is the reason why you people bought an overpriced CSWA ticket... because Lord knows no one wants to see these overrated veterans and these no-named jabroni rookies stinking up the joint! What you people want to see is REAL action... so we're going to let you in on the SECRETS... OF A PROFESSIONAL! (Mayfield takes a long drag of his Camel, then flicks it aside.) Yes, wrestling fans, you too can learn what it is like to be cool 24-7-365... you too can learn what it is like to be the person cutting the lines and makin' deals... as long as you listen up and you listen closely to us... the CSWA's only PROFESSIONALS! (The crowd again reigns down boos as Mayfield coolly sips on some sort of alcoholic beverage.) Now, there's two people out there who should have listened closely the minute we walked through the door. I'm talking about these so-called tag team champions... SIMPLY STUNNING! (The crowd ERUPTS at the namedropping.) These two limeys got LUCKY in our first match when we didn't take the tag titles. But next time... and you morons can sure as hell bet that there WILL be a next time... you're going to be walking out about 24 pounds lighter. (The crowd continues to booooooo as Mayfield lights up another smoke.) But we here in The Professionals are a CARING group. We are benevolent as your personal deities of awe and worship... so, what we've decided to do is extend an OLIVE BRANCH to Simply Running, wait, I mean Stunning... and we've invited them out here to join us on our set... so they too can hear the secrets of The Professionals! Yo Craig-- bring out the champs! (CUE UP: "Let Me Entertain You" by Robbie Williams. The Brit-pop cues and Williams' tenor is loud. CUT TO: A sign that reads "SIMPLY AWESOME." CUT TO: The set, where Mayfield stands up, applauding ala Johnny Carson. Craig Miles walks from stage right with cardboard cutouts of the champs-- shirtless, hair all over the place, titles on their shoulders, with both pointing, mouths agape.) MAYFIELD: Welcome, welcome. Have a seat! (Eddie wipes off the stools. The crowd is booing.) Just let me begin by telling you two what an HONOR it is to have you hear on the set! (Mayfield holds the mic up to the cardboard cutout of MICHAEL.) MILES: (with intentionally lame
and fake Cockney accent) No, Mr. Mayfield. It is an honour to be on the set with
you, Sir! You're Hot Property, and all we are is a couple of fairies from MAYFIELD: Oh, know, you're too much! I mean it. MILES: (Still with British Accent.) Oh no, Mr. Mayfield. Despite the fact we are somehow still the CSWA World Tag Team Champions, I can't help but kiss your (bleeped) right out here in public! I'd do anything you'd tell me to do, because you are the reason why I am able to get a paycheck! No one would pay ONE CENT to look at my ugly face in a wrestling ring, but they'd give top dollar to see you and your amazing tag team partner in action. MAYFIELD: Hey... what can I say? You guys are right! MILES: (Still with British accent.) Not only are you two the best tag team... but did I tell you how incredibly attractive you and especially Craig Miles are? I'm not quite sure, but I think I could also be in love with you! MAYFIELD: Hey now... Hot Property and Craig Miles don't play that way. MILES: (Still with British accent.) But no matter what, there is no question that we are no match for you! In fact, we should probably just retire and quit the sport just like Tom Adler did! We're even bigger cowards than he is! MAYFIELD: Frankly, I don't think that's possible! MILES: (Still with British accent.) Actually, instead of running away... perhaps we could be the personal caddies to The Professionals? I'd do anything you wanted to prove my worth to you, Hot Property! MAYFIELD: Well... these is something I wanted to do to you guys. You see, I'm VERY concerned about dental care... and I don't understand why all you Brits have such awful teeth! MILES: (Still with British accent.) It's because we're dirty and filthy! Please teach us to be clean! MAYFIELD: Hey... since you asked for it... (MAYFIELD flicks his Camel and goes behind the bar, and shows that he has a toothbrush and toothpaste. He's applying the paste onto the brush.) BB: This is disgusting and downright awful! Someone should shut this off. SB: No way. This is BRILLIANT. Absolutely BRILLIANT. MAYFIELD: This is how we brush out teeth... it ain't that hard, you snaggle-toothed pansies! (At that time, a LOT of noise is being made from the crowd. Miles looks over his shoulder as Eddie is busy brushing the cardboard cutout.) MILES: Yo, Eddie-- we gotta cut out! (Mayfield looks up and starts to get a loot of panic. Michael and Simon come rushing onto the set, in street clothes, holding chairs. Mayfield and Miles backpedal away, pointing at the champs, threatening them. The crowd is going nuts, chanting STUN NING. STUN NING. Michael grabs the mic as Simon looks at the cardboard cutouts, shaking his head in disgust.) MICHAEL: Get back here, you two worms! (The crowd erupts at that.) You already showed the world you couldn't get the job done against us, why don't you come back here and show the world again? Huh? You slashed the tires of our rental car, trying to keep us from showing up here tonight, trying to keep us from being (turns and points to the crowd) OUR FANS. Well... because of that, you two are going to pay. (Michael looks at Simon, who has the chair over his head.) Nice little set you guys got here... I'm sure it cost you a pretty penny! Too bad... (Michael grabs a stool and throws it through the television set as Simon starts randomly smashing furniture apart with his chair. The crowd is going ape.) BB: MICHAEL AND SIMON ARE NUTS! MICHAEL AND SIMON, OUR TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, ARE SMASHING APART THE SET OF THE PROFESSIONALS! THEY ARE TEARING IT APART! (The curtain of the set falls down.) SB: These two should be FINED and SUSPENDED for this. This is a total act of cowardice! Strip their titles TODAY! BB: Folks, we've got quite a mess on our hands! We've gotta clean this up...
SB: It’s almost like a pay-per-view card here tonight, folks… well, except for this no-name getting ready to defend his belt out here. BB: Sammy, don’t start… it’s pretty obvious that you are bitter toward Wicked Sight, but he’s pretty bitter about one of his two opponents here tonight in New Orleans, we’re just moments away from a Presidential title defense; Sight’s defending the strap against the aerial attacks of Triple X - who’s put on a series of barnburners as of late - and the man who set him up in his own hometown, Gemini… SB:
For a schitzo, I love Gemini… he destroyed Sight after the Freak
thought his homecoming was perfect. He
dropped Sight in scalloped potatoes; it was the greatest moment the CSWA’s
ever had in the BB: Regardless, folks, Sight is looking to exact revenge on the mighty Gemini as well as to defend his belt against both Gemini and Triple X, but let’s look at this seriously… Gemini and Triple X are both in this for one thing and one thing only, that’s the Presidential Title. Wicked Sight has to keep his emotions in check for this one. Folks, you all know that Wicked Sight is an emotional guy but… SB:
He’s a crybaby and he’s about to get the stuffing beat out of him by
this man! (CUE UP: ‘Beautiful People’ by Marilyn Manson - mixed crowd reaction) BB:
Gemini is huge and as he showed at SB: THEY weren’t banking on a third party, but THEY don’t care. Triple X and Wicked Sight are dead men. (CUE UP: ‘Bullet in the Head’ by Rage Against The Machine - fairly large face crowd response) BB: Here comes Triple X, he got into this match after “Superman” Stevens abruptly disappeared… SB: After he went back under the rock from which he crawled out of… at least he doesn’t hide there all the time… like the idiots in the Taliban. BB: Whatever the case is, Triple X and Gemini are staring each other off but it’s obvious that they’re waiting on the champion to get down here… both men are hungry and as everyone knows, the competition is as strong today as it ever has been in the CSWA, every title is more important than it has ever been. (CUE UP: “Just Got Wicked” by Cold - huge face response) SB: These fans are about to see their beloved “freak” get ripped in half. BB:
Look at Wicked Sight running down the ramp, dropping his belt and jacket
long before he hits the ring and there he goes, straight after Gemini, Gemini
and Wicked Sight are trading blows. Manny
SB: Mark my words, Sight won’t walk out of this arena on his own two legs. BB: Gemini just lifted Wicked Sight and threw him like he was nothing! Triple X charges in with a flying dropkick, check out the elevation he got on that kick and Gemini goes into the corner, Triple X looks like he’s about to go to work… SB: They’re going to double team Gemini! That’s not fair! This isn’t a two-on-one! BB: It’s every man for himself, and besides, you keep referring to Gemini as THEY… SB: Exactly… it’s still not fair. BB: Gemini gets out of the corner and he’s choking the life out of his adversary, but here comes Wicked Sight from behind with a clubbing blow to the back of the head, and Gemini lets go of Triple X. Sight hits the ropes and comes back in with a flying forearm and Gemini goes down to the canvas… now Triple X goes to lay some boots into Gemini, but Sight just tagged X and shoved him into the corner… he wants Gemini for himself! SB: He’s even more of an idiot than I thought… BB: Gemini’s getting back to his feet and now Sight sends him into the far side, he hits a boot to the stomach and hits a swinging neckbreaker, no, Gemini spins Sight around and nails him right in the face, and again with a boot to the midsection, Gemini sets Sight up for a powerbomb… SB: This one is going to be over quick! Gemini is going to break Sight in half! BB: Sammy, you’ve seen what Sight’s taken in the past and this alone won’t keep him down, but Sight gets out anyway… here comes Triple X! He spins Sight around and lays a few shots of his own in... BUT WHAT IMPACT FROM GEMINI, GEMINI JUST DRILLED TRIPLE X WITH A LARIAT THAT WOULD HAVE RIPPED MOST MEN IN HALF! SB: They want Sight all for himself, Buckley! They’re going right back after Sight, almost like Triple X doesn’t exist! BB: That’s exactly right, Sammy, it’s almost as if Triple X doesn’t exist to these two men. SB: Of course I’m right. BB: Gemini hurls Sight into the ropes once again, HUGE back body drop by the last ever EWI champion and Sight gets a lot of elevation… what agility by Wicked Sight, “The Freak” just landed like a cat on the top turnbuckle and he comes off with a moonsault, but Gemini catches him… Sight has the head hooked on the way down and now both men tumble over the top rope! SB: Look Buckley, they just hit the ground with a lot of impact and they’re still tearing into each other! Kill him, Gemini… kill him! BB:
Both men are throwing shots… It’s obvious these two guys hate each
other. Gemini’s back up to a vertical base. He grabs Sight by the wrist
tugs on it HARD. It is no secret that Sight’s shoulder hasn’t been in
perfect working order since his bouts with Cardigo Mysterian over a year ago at
Independence Day 2000 and their strap match in SB: Gemini is going to leave with the title, Wicked Sight’s going to leave with a broken arm… all’s well with the world. BB: Sight’s clutching that shoulder for all it’s worth and the crowd is trying to rally behind him. Gemini is going right back to work though, he’s got Sight by the hair and he’s heading our way… SB: Maybe all ISN’T well with the world, watch out for us Gem… BB: Wicked Sight is already in some serious trouble here! Gemini lays a hand to the side of his face, and another, and still another… Gemini is in control of this match right now, and I’m not even sure what he’s doing here… he’s got Sight set up for what could be a powerbomb but he’s not facing our table… thank God… OH LOOK OUT, TRIPLE X OVER THE TOP WITH A SENTON SPLASH AND HE JUST PLOWED INTO GEMINI! GEMINI GOES DOWN-- TRIPLE X GOES DOWN-- ALL THREE MEN ARE LAYING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF US! SB: That was a sickening thud, Buckley, let’s get a replay of that… (Screen splits in half, on the left a replay of that move… Triple X sprang off the top rope and tucked his head, crashing into Gemini and saving Wicked Sight. Continued action on the right.) BB:
Wicked Sight’s still holding his shoulder but he’s getting up first
and he’s laying boots into Gemini, and now the referee is starting a
ten-count. SB: Sight may be through right here! These guys are ALL nuts! BB: Triple X just planted the Presidential Champion and now he gets on the apron to break the count once again. Gemini is following him up… Gemini with a boot to the midsection and both men are teetering on the apron here, Sight’s still down here on the floor… OH NO, FOLKS, THIS DOESN’T LOOK GOOD… SB: Gemini is setting this one up to be OVER! That double-thumbed mutant has Triple X set up for an apron-to-floor piledriver or powerbomb of some sort… BB:
SB: Buckley, forget the match… Triple X might not ever WALK AGAIN! BB:
Gemini’s just sort of staring at Triple X and Manny’s outside pushing
him away from the carnage he just left, and look at the look on Wicked Sight’s
face! He just watched what Gemini
did to Triple X and it he’s even more pissed off than he was before!
SB: THE MAN ISN’T HUMAN, BUCKLEY, GEMINI IS NOT HUMAN! BB:
Sight slams it into the midsection and Gemini finally crumples over a
little, and yet another shot to the back, the fans are all over this match, here
in SB: I’m surprised that they bleed red! BB: I don’t think Sight expected him up so fast, but he’s laying fists to the forehead like never before… not Eli Flair, not Blade, not even Troy Windham has evoked this much emotion from Wicked Sight…Gemini is a well-established star outside of the CSWA and he’s taken on the best they have to offer, but remember, this is the big time. Sight leaps into the air and attempts a Thesz press, but Gemini caught him and he just planted Sight into the mat, and he’s rolled it through into a pinning predicament but Manny’s still outside… there he goes, into the ring, one… no, Sight kicks out, but you’ve got to believe if Manny could have been in the right place, Sight would have been finished. SB: I do believe that! BB: Whatever the case is, both men are up and Gemini is bleeding like a faucet folks… He cranks on Sight’s shoulder again and it sends Sight into the ropes… Gemini catches Sight on the way back and he just landed a sidewalk slam, he goes for the pinfall again and this time Manny’s here… one, two, th---no, no, Wicked Sight gets a shoulder up and Gemini doesn’t look happy at all… SB: They NEVER look happy, Buckley… BB: Indeed, he doesn’t, but right now Gemini has Sight back on his feet and he’s landing meat hooks into the ribs of the Presidential champion, the crowd here is on the edge of its collective seat. SB: Look, Buckley, Triple X is GETTING UP! I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT DRIVES THESE MEN, TRIPLE X IS GETTING UP! BB: Gemini just saw Triple X getting up and he can’t believe it! For the first time tonight, Gemini isn’t focused on Wicked Sight, he’s just staring in stunned silence! TRIP IS GETTING IN THE RING! Gemini and Triple X are staring off like they’ve hated each other for years, even though - to my knowledge - this is their first encounter, and what’s this? SB: WICKED SIGHT JUST ROLLED UP GEMINI, NOOOOOO!!!! BB: Gemini kicks out of the schoolboy and now Sight’s caught between Triple X and Gemini, Triple X just grabbed Sight but his injured arm and chucked him with a Japanese arm drag and Wicked Sight is down… I don’t know how Triple X is even standing, and he’s not even holding his neck! Wicked Sight is in the corner and he’s clutching his shoulder like he doesn’t even want to go on… Everybody knows the things he’s fought through, if he gives up tonight… SB: He’s the loser I’ve always said he was… BB: No, I was going to say the pain must be awfully intense, and there Triple X goes with a DDT on Gemini, this one could be over, what a turn of events, Triple X could be the Presidential champion! SB: One… Two… BB: SIGHT JUST LEAPT ACROSS THE RING AND CAME CRASHING DOWN ON THE BACK OF TRIPLE X, AND NOW WICKED SIGHT AND TRIPLE X ARE BOTH GETTING UP LIKE THEY’RE INVINCIBLE! SB: They’re trading blows and Sight just leveled Trip… The crowd is coming off the charts… BB: Triple X just jumped up and now he’s laying forearms into Wicked Sight. The crowd is just as loud as they were... there is no question that Wicked Sight’s popularity has skyrocketed over the past year in the CSWA. He’s a megastar, but Triple X is earning the fans’ respect tonight that same way, no matter what sort of things he may say outside of the ring. I’m sure that Wicked Sight might consider more of him in the upcoming days… and he just sent Sight into the ropes, handsprings in the same direction, he just landed a hurricanrana! He has Sight all hooked up! The referee is in position, we’ve got a one, two… no, Sight with a quick reversal and a two count but Triple X is up and into the ropes, Sight ducks a clothesline, X into the far side and comes off with a leap frog, Sight somersaults underneath him and both men are coming in from the ropes, 360 DEGREE CLOTHESLINE FROM WICKED SIGHT, WHERE DID HE PULL THAT OUT FROM? SB: Both men are down just as Gemini is up… They’re ignoring Triple X again… this is all about Sight for Gemini, and I think this time they’ve got Sight’s number. BB: Would you stop that!? Gemini's not more than one person, no matter what he thinks! SB: I don't think he'll go along with that, Buckley. BB: We’ll see about that. Gemini does have the advantage here in the corner, applying a chokehold… Manny is starting a five count and Gemini lets go on four and a half… He’s a smart man… He sends the champion back to the opposite corner and Sight leaps over Triple X’s body, into the corner, once again he springs off with a twisting body block and this time it connects, Gemini goes down but he rolls it through and Gemini has a pinfall right here, Sight kicks out right away and both men are standing… SB: I have to give Sight credit tonight… BB: That’s a first… SB: Probably. BB: Gemini once again sends Sight into the ropes and goes for a body drop again, but he telegraphed it and Sight has the View To A Kill… HE HIT IT! GEMINI IS DOWN THIS TIME, THIS SAME MOVE HAS PINNED GEMINI TWO TIMES IN A ROW, HE MAKES THE COVER… THE COUNT… SB: NOOOOOO! BB: WHAT THE HELL, GEMINI JUST KICKED OUT OF THE VIEW TO A KILL, NOT EVEN THE BEST IN THIS GAME HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT! SB: YES! Gemini is NOT human! BB: Wicked Sight is up and he’s obviously frustrated, now he’s raising his hand to the crowd and they’re going nuts… he’s headed up top, I don’t know what this is, but if it’s vintage Wicked Sight, and if he hits this on Gemini, it will undoubtedly be over… He’s perched on top and the fans are on their feet… camera bulbs are flashing everywhere… He’s making the symbol for the View To A Kill and off he comes… TRIPLE X JUST HIT THE XXXFACTOR! HE LANDED THAT SUPERKICK RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF WICKED SIGHT’S CHIN AS SIGHT CAME OFF THE TOP! SB: HIS HEAD FELL OFF! THE FREAK'S HEAD FELL OFF! BB:
Stop it, Sammy! Triple X makes the pin… ONE… TWO… THREE!
THREE! NO ONE EXPECTED THIS,
AS MUCH AS WICKED SIGHT PRIDES HIMSELF AS THE UNDERDOG, TONIGHT TRIPLE X WAS THE
UNDERDOG AND HE JUST WON THE PRESIDENTIAL TITLE!
MANNY SB: THE BELT IS FINALLY OFF OF THAT IDIOT! BB: Manny is getting the belt for Triple X… Folks, this is a moment that says the new wave of competitors is here to stay… SB: THE BELT IS FINALLY OFF OF THAT IDIOT! BB: Gemini’s up and he just realized what happened… Gemini, don’t do it… Leave him be… You’ll have your day… That’s a sick look on the face of Gemini. SB: Manny just got in Gemini’s face and he just got knocked down, and now Gemini is heading toward Triple X. Here we go, he has him by the hair, he’s setting up something that might do a lot worse than that spinning piledriver did… BB: Somebody get in there! Gemini, enough is enough… Folks, Gemini has Triple X and they’re on the apron now… YOU DESERVE THE BOOS YOU’RE RECEIVING, GEMINI… LOOK AT THAT STUPID SMIRK! SB: They’re just standing there, Gemini’s getting ready to do it… BB: GEMINI HAS TRIPLE X UP… WICKED SIGHT JUST PULLED X BACK IN THE RING, AND HE JUST HUNG GEMINI UP ON THE TOP ROPE, GEMINI JUST CAME CRASHING TO THE ARENA FLOOR AND SIGHT JUST CRUMBLED TO THE MAT… Wherever Wicked Sight got the energy to stand, he just may have saved Triple X’s career… SB: Sight’s down, Gemini’s down… and Triple X is rolling out of the ring with the Presidential Title in his hands… BB: I guarantee you, folks, these three have yet to see the last of each other… The crowd is standing, there’s not one person in their seat… Every person in this building is giving these three men a round of applause, applause they undoubtedly deserve. SB: We’ve got to pay some bills, but when we get back Rudy Seitzer is standing by ready to talk to the new Presidential Champion. |