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A JJ DeVided


Jan 1, 2000
(CUT TO: A shot of a townhouse with the Playboy Bunny isignia outlined in neon over the door. The door opens, and carrying two large trash bags that clang with the sounds of bottles and beercans is "The Original King of Cool" JJ DeVille-- his hair permed, interlocking LT style earring dangling, wearing a Neil Diamond '01 belly shirt and hip-hugger jean shorts. JJ tosses the garbage bags aside, musses with his hair, sneers and points to the camera.)

JJ: That's right America, the man who is always hot (raises two fingers) 2 trot with the bod (starts shaking his pelvis around, licking his lips, moaning) of a god is back on track, daddy! The man who is registered in nine nations, 46 states AND the American protectorate of Guam as a (flexes his left bicep) human weapon is here, gracing your television sets, making grown men weep tears of anger and making grown women and little girls both weep tears of desire as they feel their pants get a little wet... and you can sure bet that ain't from sweat, daddy! YOWZA! (starts making a series of karate chops with sound effects)

Now, first thing's first... I know there is some major league neo-maxie zoom dweebie out there watching my interview segment while he's hiding under his covers, hoping that I forget his unwanted presence in this sport... MY sport. Loser Lance Leizure... (points to the camera) IF THAT IS INDEED YOUR REAL NAME... allow me to quote Simple Minds, a band who I am currently the webmaster of on their website, www.simpleminds.com... DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME. Because, Lonesome Lance, I haven't forgotten about you... and sooner or later, Lanceypants, I am going to put you out of commission once and for all, because no one says mean things about JJ DeVille and gets away with it... because I am The Original King of Cool and you, my man, are a total dorkus maximus!

But there are two people who can indeed say bad things about me, because they are actually cooler than me... those people are my heroes and yours, Troy Windham and Eddy Love, two best friends and this sport's two greatest legends... the tag team combination known as Playboys Incorporated. In the great and historic city of St. Louis, Mississippi, there will be a battle of Biblican proportions as these two icons... these two heroes... do battle. It's like if Starsky took on Hutch... or, or, or... if like Poison took on Winger in a battle of the bands... or, like, dude... if God took on Jesus! Troy Windham and Eddy Love facing off against each other.

Where does that leave me? Where does that leave the man that they have both taken under their wings, the man that they think is cool enough to hang out with them, even for like 10 minutes a day? Where does that leave the man who rakes their leaves, changes the oil in their Ferrari's, alphabatizes their records from Abba to ZZ Top? I'll tell you where that leaves me... (JJ looks down, puts his hands over his face and then looks up and is weeping like a girl.) IN A LIVING HELL!

I'm sure I'm like the millions of Eddy Lovers and the millions of people who do the Q-Dogg. Unsure of where this is headed, but hoping that it will all eventually work out for the best, knowing that these two men are so much better than us all that they will not let a little match get in the way of the empire that they have build. Eddy, Troy... I know you'll do your best in this match to make us all happy and rid the wrestling industry of Mike Randalls. But please, guys, for my sake... for the sake of all of your fans... for the sake of the world... pleaseohplease do not hurt each other. We already have enough problems in this world... I don't think we can handle anymore. (FTB)


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
Mayflower, Arkansas

**Fade in......

The end of the J.J. DeVille interview plays on a big screen T.V. Cut to Lance Liezure kicked back in a luxurious recliner with his board in his lap and the remote in his hand. He clicks off the T.V. then looks into the camera with a little smile.**

Lance: (Still smiling) Very entertaining, Mr. DeVille. It really made me laugh. You've always been quite the comic. I mean, you ACTUALLY think that your HOT?! You ACTUALLY think that your TOUGH?! Mr. DeVille, HOW DO WE KNOW THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME, Lance Liezure, THAT IS MY REAL NAME, is going to show you that you are NOT what you think you are! Don't get me wrong J.J., I like your interviews. I think they're hilarious. To see such a scrawny little twerp like you dancing around like he's hot stuff?! Who wouldn't get a kick out of that! And once I'm finished with you, I hope you can put out some more great promos against other new superstars of the CSWA, but I, at least, have to beat some sense into you first!

Although, I won't get my chance to do that at Showtime....there will be a time. Trust me, J.J., you will have your chance with Lance.

Another word of advice though, if I were you J.J., I would stop worrying so much about your sorry friends. I mean, you say they're COOLER that YOU?! Look, who ISN'T cooler than you!? That's probably why they only let you trail behind them with their luggage and things like that. Even THEY know that you worth no more than that. Well J.J., if you don't stop worrying about them and start worrying about what will happen once you get in the ring with me because then you won't even be worth THAT!

So, J.J., here's your warning.....keep the smartass comments to a minimum around me because if you mess with Lance......you WILL get CUT!

**..........Fade to Black!!!**

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