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A "Natural Evolution"


League Member
Dec 28, 2014
Knoxville, TN
(Inside of the Stastias apartment at about 9 PM Chicago time, Emevlas Stastias is at her laptop re-watching her winning squash against a clearly-not-well Skylar Montgomery with a focused look about her. At one point, she pauses the aftermath to count how many splinters her table had driven into The Suicidal One’s back.)

“48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53… That’s the magic number. 53 slivers of wood in his back. So, after that match, I pose a question… What did any of you expect? I did what I said I’d do, which was send SkyMont back to the hospital and make him my bitch. I expected that to be easier than breathing.”

[She notices another splinter.]

“Oops, looks like I was wrong: There were 54 splinters in his back. Hm, the more wood, the better.”

[She gently closes her laptop, so as to not destroy the screen and turns towards her Toshiba Camileo H10 camera, which wasn’t very good at all, but just barely good enough to film what she was doing with the lights on, which took a lot away from the effect she was going for: dark and somewhat brooding.]

“If every match turns out to be that easy, I can only imagine how quickly my future championship match against the Crimson C***-lossus Ivan Dalkichev could go by. His mouthpiece always claims for Ivan to be the best, the ‘perfect’ athlete, or something of the like, but the truth is, he’s not even close…”

[She points at her face]

“This is the best. This right here is a natural evolution of pro wrestling, unlike most of the RLW locker room. I’d like to see one, just one match where Ivan absolutely dominated his opponent in 4 seconds then chucked them through a table. Now, I know what everyone’s gonna say: ‘Ask Go-Go Spectacular about having a bad back after Ivan hit a back-breaker on her however many times!’ or ‘Ask Sci-Fi Russ Spackler about being Titan Bombed from the top rope!’

[points at her chest with every emphasized word she speaks]

“I. DON’T. CARE. ABOUT. THOSE. TWO. I care about putting them and everyone else in that locker room through tables and seeing them writhe in pain, and let me emphasize: it WILL happen to every being in RLW, so to those people, I’d watch your back. Quite literally.”


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