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AGGRESSION 67: Teddy Alexander vs. Eddie Burns

fugginVOSS

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[FADE-IN: on a diner you’ve probably seen in most parts of the country except this one is on the Greyhound route from Chicago to Denver. Matter of fact, where in a truck stop off the I-80 W between Des Moines and Omaha. The people there are mostly friendly. The wait staff are mostly disinterested and upset that all these people come and go and they remain. ]

[ Betty-Lynn, the young twenty year-old blond with the decent rack and varicose veins in her right leg keeps dreaming one of those truckers would stash her in their cabin, without her husband Bobby noticing, and keep on driving her into the sunset right on through to Vegas where she could live the rest of her days out as a show girl. A show girl for the visually challenged.]

[Let’s face it.]

[Who wants to see the can-can done by a chick with veins that stick out like road maps?]

[The booths, like any other truck stop, are pressed against the windows and TEDDY ALEXANDER can see the Greyhound they rode in on just fine from where he’s seated. The driver is sitting at the counter yakking away like a local, sipping on a bottomless cup of coffee three cups in. Teddy hoped the man had a bladder like a camel.]

[The camera man strolls down toward Teddy’s booth and takes liberty sitting across from Teddy who is sipping at a can of Dr. Pepper and stares at the bus, not paying the camera’s barrel any of the attention it deserved.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
“I’ve been in dis company for five damn minutes and already gone toe-to-toe with one’f it’s champions. Regretfully, Larry Tact beat me fair and square in da ring. At Agg66 da veteran took da greenhorn rookie and taught him a lesson.”

[Teddy shrugs, turning to face the camera.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
“A lesson dat don’t go unlearned.

“You might’f seen my little tantrum after Agg66 chuckin’ chairs and bottles of water around. A lot’f people have come up ta me since then and told me I need to apologise. Dat I need to apologise to Larry Tact for threatenin’ to break his neck. Dat I need to say sorry for tellin’ him I’m gonna wrap my neck brace around his scrawny neck and walk off wit’ his belt.”

[Sighing heavily, Teddy leans on his elbows and pushes the Dr. Pepper can aside gently.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
“I’m sorry, Larry.”

(grinning sadistically) “I’m sorry I never broke ya damn neck at Agg66. I’m sorry about dat. I’m sorry da next time we meet you get wheeled out in a body bag and I hold ya belt up high above my head. You think just coz you knocked some sense inta me last week dat I move on? Dat I forget?

(shaking his head) “No, Larry. I don’t forget. I use dat shit as fuel fer my fire to keep comin’ at you and comin’ at you ‘til I snatch dat damn belt off ya.

“It don’t matter none to me how long it takes me, Larry. Coz I’m comin’.

“Sooner or later.

“But for da meantime, Larry, you concentrate on keepin’ dat shiny belt out’f Anarky’s clutches and I’ll concentrate on lightin’ a fire under Eddie Burns’ ass. Let’s put a pin in it and come back later, shall we?”

[A plate of God knows what is slid across the table from a disinterested, overweight waitress that limps on her bunions. It resembles something akin to bacon and eggs and the only reason Teddy knew that was because that was what he ordered.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
“Eddie... I know you got all yer baby mama drama goin’ on wit’ da First right now, but I’ll give you da hot tip right now... pay attention or you’ll be left broken in two by yours truly.

“Last week at Agg66 da First sprayed dat green mist in your eyes. He made you look like a right ass. Again. I know you got some history with them tag title belts and all but if you keep getting distracted by what’s gone on in the day... den you’re gonna be left wonderin’ what da Hell hit you when we stand across from each other inside dat ring.

“Dan Ryan’s testing me, Eddie. First he gives me his TV Champ to tune in against and I go down. A weaker man would walk away from dat all hang-dog-like and never get over it.

“Me? It just fuels da fire burnin’ in my belly, Eddie. Just makes me wanna work harder. Drive faster. Pick up what I’m puttin’ down?

“Then Dan Ryan books me against you in my second match. Against a guy who’s gotta prove to da world dat without da First he can do it. Well, you sure proved dat last week, Eddie. Clingin’ to Anarky and Rezin’s coat tails like some sort’f sucker fish feastin’ off their scraps. There’s a trend here, Eddie.

“You can’t do nothin’ on your own.

“So da real test at Agg67 is for you. Me? I know what I gotta do. I gotta break ya neck. It’s academic really. I’ll lock you into the Warsnare and it’s nigh-nigh, Eddie Burns. I’ll smash you to smithereens with da Ragekill Driver and you’ll wake up in da ICU pissin’ in a bag.

“You?”

[Teddy smirked and looked down at the plate in front of him. The mangled eggs and what almost appeared to be half-chewed bacon.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
“You’ve been chewed up and spat out, Eddie. You’re a shell of your former self. Your best friend turned his back on you coz he realised somethin’ Eddie...

“You just ain’t worth it.

“So when you come to Agg67 you better have your thoughts in line so you can take me on, Eddie. You better be payin’ attention. You better bring everythin’ you’ve got brewin’ inside you and use it as fuel against me coz if you let it steal your attention, for only one damn second, you’re ass is mine and I’ll break you in two.”

[Teddy shoved the plate away, clearly not hungry after seeing it brought to him.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
“I’ll break ya damn neck.” (makes a twig snapping motion with both hands) “I promise.”

[Snatching up his can of Dr. Pepper, Teddy returned to staring out the window and sipping. Leaving the camera to do his own thing.]

[FTB.]
 

The Great Eye

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(FADEIN: Eddie Burns standing in front of an EPW Aggression banner.)

BURNS: Flunky, toadie, lapdog, I get it...This is what you call somebody who's glued to the hip of somebody else, somebody who can't get it done without help from a partner...So maybe the label fits me well, maybe I am all you say I am, just some loser who's had the good fortune to be on a winning team.

Or maybe I was the only half of a winning team that wanted to win...When First and I won the EPW World Tag Team Titles, that was my moment, my chance to claim the brass ring, to finally win a title to be somebody in this business, and First...Well he was busy pretending like our team mattered, like he cared about fighting by my side to win matches...He was to busy hiding under the mask, plotting and scheming as Dis that he never wanted us to win those belts, I did it in spite of the man who reigns as champion, not because of him.

Yeah I threw some fire, yeah I did things that might not be respectable and yeah, I lost my title by trying to hold on to it to tightly, I made every mistake in the book, I was a fool and I see that now, but today is day one of the new career of Eddie Burns, my first match one on one in EPW.

And I got a tough talking guy who couldn't back it up against Larry Tact, no shame in that, Tact's a tough guy he didn't win the TV title by being pretty, he's got talent and skill in that ring...As for you and I we'll see what you got to offer when we get in that ring and fight, you may have shown you got some ability and that you're a big tough man, but you couldn't close the deal against Tact, we'll see if you can close it against me.

I'm not here to lay down for you Teddy, I'm here same as you, to win matches, to be somebody, to make a name for myself and we'll just see who gets to start laying the foundation of their career this week.

(FADEOUT)
 

fugginVOSS

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Loading video... Agg67: Teddy Alexander vs. Eddie Burns

Buffering... 15%... 32%... 55%... 60%... 64%... 79%... 90%.... COMPLETE!

[You click the little rightward pointing arrow to play the video and we come to life in a Motel 6. The floral wallpaper is completely dated and horrendous like a Magic Eye out to torment epileptics. Sitting before what would appear to be a laptop's video camera is TEDDY ALEXANDER, smirking to himself while he watches the monitor to see his reverse image, hunched over the keyboard before realising that it's GO TIME and the video is capturing.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"Hello, EPW. Hi, Eddie!" (waves) "I'm here on my journey to Denver which is taking FAR too long. Our Greyhound hit some mechanical issues so we're way-laid in some backwater town I don't even know da name of where da most important thing IS this Motel 6. Yeah. I'm impressed." (rolls eyes) "Maybe if I'd cling to somebody's coattails and be dragged through to their glory, like you, Eddie... I'd be able to stay somewhere a Hell of a lot nicer."

(Alexander snickers to himself.)

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"You're right about one thing, Eddie. I _COULDN'T_ back up against Tact. And he IS a Hell of a competitor. You only need to glance over da title history for EPW to see you win a belt here on your own it's worth ten belts somewhere else. So losin' to Larry Tact ain't somethin' I can hang my head about.

"It's not somethin' I'll easily forget either." (holds his hand beside his mouth like he's got a secret to tell) "I'm still comin' for ya, Larry!

"But Eddie, da matter at hand here is da young rookie tryin' to lament a future in dis promotion against da former EPW World Tag Team champion dat was plucked from his master's va-jay-jay like a used tampon and discarded on da street fer all da World to see. Layin' there all bloody and used. People side-steppin' you to get away from da stink." (clamps his thumb and forefinger on his nose, waving the air with his other hand) "PEE-YUUUU! Something STINKS!"

(The amusement Teddy finds in himself overwhelms him and he pauses to chuckle.)

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"Dat's YOU, Eddie Burns. Da First's used, discarded tampon tossed out in public for all da World to see. Out on public display to see there's no more use for you no more.

"I might be tough talkin', Eddie. I might sit in front of these cameras, in front of my laptop, talkin' about how I'm gonna break your neck... and I WILL break your neck... but I'm JUST as hungry as you. I want dis JUST as much as you.

"You say when we clash in dat ring it's DAY ONE of the new Eddie Burns. Seeing your history, I wouldn't be surprised if you cleanse yourself with fire. Dat you bring your little flames and matches and try to rise like da Phoenix from da ashes of your already forgotten five minutes of fame.

"Unlike you, Eddie, my five minutes isn't over. And my career? It'll last a Helluva lot longer than your five minutes did. It'll last a lifetime. My name will be synonymous with success. When you look up winning in da dictionary you'll see MY picture. I will be lamented in da EPW history books, Eddie, and you'll be a skidmark in da addendums."

(Teddy adjusts his sitting position, getting onto the edge of his seat.)

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"Eddie... at Agg67 you'll be lying there in the ring, looking up at me, struggling to breathe from da broken ribs, choking on da blood in ya throat, eyes wide like a wounded deer beggin' da hunter to put 'em outta their misery. You'll look up at me and you'll see green. You'll be green with envy. Jealous dat I can do things on my own.

"Jealous because you'll realise one more time dat you're NOTHING without someone in your corner.

"At Agg67, Eddie Burns, I will break... your damn... NECK!"

(Teddy puts his hands together and makes a snapping motion before reaching out and forcing the laptop's lid down.)

(CUT to BLACK.)
 

The Great Eye

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(FADEIN: Eddie Burns giving the camera a hard look, an EPW banner hangs behind him.)

BURNS: You want to call me a used tampon, you want to talk big about breaking my neck? You know what Teddy, that's fine with me, let's make this ugly, let's make this personal...You want violence with me? You'll get it...We could have had a match, a winner and a loser, but you want to make this more, you want to make an example of me and show everyone what a bad man you are? Good luck trying.

You think I haven't heard tough talk before? I've been in just about every dump in America trying to make enough money to put gas in the car so I could get to the gig after that one. Wrestling in front of 50 people one night, 75 the next, I chased that long white line for years...There's cities in this country I wouldn't believe were real except for the fact that a promoter and a few hundred bucks were promised me if I made it there to fight whoever the hell it was they put in front of me.

Now I'm here with the big crowds, bright lights...I called out the friggin' EPW World Champion on the last show and told him he was a fool to his face...And it's taught me one thing...That it's all the same inside the ropes, you lace up the boots, you get in that ring and you fight, doesn't matter if it's 50 people or 50,000, doesn't matter what's going on outside that ring, it matters what's going on in here,

(Points to his chest.)

It matters if you got the nerve to really do this or not Teddy, you want to break my neck and make a name for yourself, show everyone how big and bad you are? I doubt it. I think you'll look for the 1-2-3 same as everyone else, I don't really think you're willing to forgo victory to deal out a real brutal beating to me...Tides change so quickly in a match, at any moment you could think you're in control, and then a roll-up and it's over, the other guy has his hand raised and you're wondering what could have been, if you had just put the match away when you had the chance...

Me...Well I'm a bit nuts I guess, see you get my blood going, you start talking violent, and well I start thinking violent, like maybe I should just use this match to hurt somebody to beat up Teddy Alexander and show him that just cause he's big and he thinks he's bad...That he isn't really all that...Maybe I shouldn't really worry about winning or losing and maybe I should just beat the hell out of you and teach you a lesson in matters...

That you threaten a man's health, his career, well that means you got to risk those things also, and when we get in that ring, I'm not in the least bit worried about getting my arm raised in victory. This is about a fight...You and I go until we can't go any more...

(FADEOUT)
 

fugginVOSS

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[FADE-IN: on TEDDY ALEXANDER behind a Greyhound pushing with all his might. A couple of other male passengers are by his side but he towers over them. He has his shirt off, tucked into the back pocket of his jeans as together they work as one to move the bus. It moves ever so slowly but they manage to get it off the highway and onto the shoulder of the road. They all stand, some shaking hands but Teddy walks toward the camera, running his forearm over his brow.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"Eddie... you might take offense to me pushin' dis bus. Thinkin' I've organised some cheap send up of your time wit' da First as da EPW World Champions. You know... someone pushin' someone else along to get to a certain destination. I can see how that might get under ya skin but I assure you that dis was purely coincidence."

[He chuckles to himself.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"We're stuck on da shoulder somewhere along da way to Denver... God knows where... but neverdaless I'll be there in time for our wrestlin' match."

[Teddy slaps his forehead as if he forgot something.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"Ooooooh. I'm sorry. I meant FIGHT! Be there in time for our fight. I apologise if you've taken offense to da things I've said about you, Eddie. Calling you da tampon of EPW. Well, it's kinda relevant since you are ONE week on and FOUR weeks off, right?

"I apologise for threatenin' to break your neck. I didn't mean that. That came out all wrong.

"Eddie... I _PROMISE_ to break your neck. Is that better? Does that make things a little clearer?

"When we FIGHT at Agg67, Eddie, I promise you this... I promise you that you'll be starin' up at me with tinglin' pins-and-needles in ya finger tips, EMTs asking if you can feel them tuggin' your toes. I promise dat da only thing you'll be able to look at for da next six months is a ceiling. Dat you lie in a bed, in traction, unable to move. Dat, for your sakes, there's someone to keep a bedside vigil and tell you everythin' will be okay. You know it won't. You know none of this will be okay but you'd like to hear someone say it anyways.

"I AM a big, bad bastard, Eddie. And I've got a point to prove. I'm gonna beat the Hell outta you. I'm happy to take dis thing to fists, make a fight of it. I WANT to make a point to EPW dat I AM a fighter, Eddie.

"I'm willing to put myself on da line and take whatever you dish out to me because either way I take somethin' from this. I break your neck and da world goes Dat's one mean sonofabitch You beat da Hell out of me and they all talk about how much I went out fightin'.

"You beat da Hell out of me and they talk about how you're bitter about da First casting such a shadow over you. I beat you, snap your neck like a twig inside dat ring, they all cluck their tongues and talk about how you shoulda stayed with da First. They'll be talkin' about how you're nothin' without da First."

[A young lady comes up and hands Teddy a can of soda. He thanks her and cracks the top, taking a greedy gulps before wiping the excess from his lips with his forearm, letting out an AAAAAH! of refreshing, thirst quenching gratitude.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"Eddie. I do want to make an example out of you. My example is going to be loud and spine shatterin'. Parents will cover their children's eyes. Girls will squeal and turn away. But they'll all want to look. It's like driving by a traffic accident. You know dat's not gonna be pretty but curiousity will get da better of you. You just have to prise those fingers apart..." (he holds his thumb and index a small amount apart) "...just a little bit and take a look at da carnage.

"To look at da wreck.

"Look at da broken bodies."

[He crushes the can in his grasp violently and holds it up to the camera, dropping it at his feet.]

TEDDY ALEXANDER:
"You're right about one thing. Dis IS about a fight.

"But you're wrong about it being until WE can't go anymore." (he points down the barrel of the camera) "It'll be until you can't TAKE IT... no more."

[FADE to BLACK]
 

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