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AGGRESSION 68: Heat Seekers v. Animezing Dragons (cc) - EPW World Tag Championship


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Round One in King of the Cage.



All RP goes here.

Jonathan Todd

New member
Apr 15, 2012
[Empire Pro Wrestling Presents King of the Cage: Tag Team Edition and two of the best and brightest have signed up for the tournament.]

[Who are they? From where do they hail? What size shoes do they wear? There are so many questions that arise when new faces come onto the scene, so we are here to answer a few of them.]

[First answer is rather easy because we’re all about to be introduced to them. Their names are Curtis Penn and Tyson Burke, respectfully, but we would not expect you to know too much about them. They are, however, very new to EPW and anywhere outside of Defiance Wrestling.]

[Well it seems that question number two was answered along with the long-winded answer to question number one. That would be Defiance Wrestling to the people taking the quiz at home.]

[And their shoe size… well if you end up on the wrong side of Curtis Penn you’ll know that he carries a size 12 boot because you’ll be pulling your teeth out of the boot’s soul. Tyson Burke, well he doesn’t wear shoes.]

[Just kidding… really, it was a joke.]

[The far more serious question would be to ask how long they have been a team. Really, someone should ask it.]

[Okay, well they’ve never been a team. Sure they have been a part of various teams, but not once have they slapped skin to tag the other in. That is correct ladies and gentlemen the tag team, The Heat Seakers, have never… not once ever graced the squared circle together.]

[You have to wonder if it will be easy pickings for the Animezing Dragons?]

[Or will they surprise everyone, including their selves and walk away with ten pounds of gold apiece?]

[Let’s meet the two gentlemen.]

[First off we’ll bring the pain.]

[He has been called “The Mouthpiece”, “The Plan”, and “The mother#cker that you’ll lose to”, Curtis Penn.]

[Curtis Penn stands in front of a black Defiance banner, arms crossed, blue eyes burning, and beard in full growth waiting for his time to address EPW.]

[Once his eyes saw the e-mail he knew it was his cue.]

[Cocky grin? Check.]

Introductions are in order, I’m Curtis Penn and I’m here to ruin your day.

[Self-confidence? It’s overflowing, in fact you might want to roll your pants legs up, and that stuff will never come out in the wash.]


[There was a moment in time when Curtis Penn had a carefully thought out dialogue that was going to lay waste to his first round opponents…but his tag team partner walked into the frame. ]

[World meet Tyson Burke, he’s the one eating the Cheetos and with the guy who is wearing the white t-shirt with the orange streaks down the side.]

Whaddup son?

[He holds his fist out for a bump after wiping his hand down the front of his shirt. Curtis just looks at the guy in disgust. Curtis continues to kick himself for allowing their manager to talk him into carrying Tyson Burke in to this tournament.]

As I was saying… we are coming into EPW for this tag team tournament…

That’s right son!

[Curtis casts a sideways glance over his left should at Burke, disgust is truly starting to mount. Tyson reaches into the bag and grabs another Cheeto, inspecting it before crunching down on it sending crumbs flying onto Curtis’ shoulder.]

Lemme get dat…

[He starts wiping the crumbs off of Penn’s shoulder smearing in the cheese dust from his own hands.]

Gawd D@mnit! I’m trying to cut a promo on these two jerk offs we gotta face! And all you’re doing is ruining it!

[Burke smiles, showing the gold that plates his teeth, because he knows that Curtis Penn love perfection and that he battles Penn’s picture of perfection. Burke’s retort, he pops in another Cheeto.]

Sorry kid, just wanna see if ya wanted a Cheeto… We got these clowns, Da Amazing Dragons...

[Curtis stops Tyson just short of finishing his inspirational sentence. Penn wipes his face, trying to erase the disgust, and then proceeds to correct his partner. The word “partner” is being held as a very loose term for the moment.]


Dat’s what I said… Amazing.

[Penn takes in a deep breath, hoping that will help him find some center of calm.]

Anime… the cartoons that young American children buy trading cards of and the Japanese nerds jerk off too…

OH…. Like da girls dat dress up like superhero’s an’ shit! Dem b#tches hot!

[It all registers with Burke now as he chomps down on another cheeto.]

Correct. Do I need to explain what a dragon is too?

Nah… gonna smoke des fools anyway… Wanna go to Popeye’s an’ get a twelve piece?

[Curt shakes his head with an emphatic no gesture.]

Burke: Ya sure… day got da best dark meat around…

[Curt shakes his head again no.]

Aight kid… I’m outtie.

[Burke walks off screen. Penn’s blood pressure returns to normal.]

That was my tag team partner… I’m not sure what to say about him.

[A door opens off screen.]

I’ma gonna borrow ya car yo!

Fine… whatever… just go!

[The door shuts.]


[Curtis takes a moment and realizes what he has just done.]

Penn: Hold up! You’re license isn’t even VALID!

[Penn runs off screen chasing down Tyson.]

[Fade to black.]


New member
Nov 16, 2003
Nottingham, England
[FADE IN to Animezing Dragon standing in front of a “Kings of the Cage” backdrop, the World Tag Team Title belts over their shoulders. “The Dragon” is dressed casually, whereas Otaku’s decided to go with a costume inspired by Birdy the Mighty]

Karl: Kings of the Cage, huh? I didn’t do so well in the King of the Cage tournament, I guess I get the chance to do considerably better this time…

[He takes a look at Otaku and shakes his head]

Karl: Sorry, I can’t take you seriously dressed like that!

Otaku: It’s to show how mighty we are!

Karl: I know we’re good and we’re on a roll, but mighty?

Otaku: Yeah! Dreamstealers were so under our level at Black Dawn they walked out and proved you totally right! I’d say that means we’re mighty!

Karl: I won’t try to argue with that logic. But could you at least wear something else?

[With a sigh, Otaku is bathed in a blue-white light… and as if by magic is transformed from Birdy to Tsutomu Senkawa, high school student!]

Otaku: Better?

Karl: Better.

Otaku: So, yeah, anyways, Dreamstealers. What duds!

Karl: You say that, but it could all be a cunning plan to fool us into thinking they’re over-hyped, over-bloated wannabes before they unveil themselves as unstoppable machines. After all, if someone walks through a company too easily, it gets boring for the fans.

Otaku: You don’t honestly think Myl-dew-baka’s that smart do you?

Karl: I try not to think. Bad habit.

Otaku: … when you say things like that with a totally straight face I can never tell if you’re joking or not!

[“The Dragon” simply smiles and shrugs]

Karl: Back on track, Kings of the Cage.

Otaku: Yeah! Another Lethal Lottery type thing with added regular teams! And pirates!

Karl: And pirates.

Otaku: This is gonna be fun! Future tag team champions might be hidden somewhere in the lethal lottery teams!

Karl: Could be. After all, Animezing Dragon started as a team put together by Dan for a one night tournament. The great thing about a Lethal Lottery format or Dan just putting a couple of people together is you never know what the chemistry’s going to be like. Sometimes it’s a disaster, they don’t gel, they don’t mesh. But sometimes, it works. Whether the personalities work together doesn’t matter. The skills, the desire, the will to win puts them in a good enough sync that they don’t need to be friends. They just need to be able to put their own egos aside for the greater good of the team, and strive for one thing.

Sure, there have been teams here like Blitz who teamed for years and were, or are, very firm friends. But do you think the Cameron Cruise Project were great friends before they teamed? They geled, and became one of the best teams in wrestling history, and certainly one of the top three I’d say in Empire Pro history.

Otaku: Who’re the others?

Karl: Depends on my mood.

Otaku: OK.

Karl: And every match that these belts are involved in… is a match for the titles. That’s the way things should be. If a champion is involved in a match, their title should always be on the line if you ask me. But I don’t make those kinds of decisions.

Every match we’re in, though, is treated the same way. Whether it’s the first round against the Heat Seekers or the final against who knows, Animezing Dragon have one aim.


I feel dirty…

Karl: I’ve told you, don’t pander to the shows that people know, you’re not a fan of all of those.

Otaku: But the early ones were fun! And how else can I spread the word of anime!?

Karl: Moving on. The Heat Seekers are a new team. They’ve got a team name, which is a step up from what you might expect, so it shows they’re at least going through the motions of a common goal.

Otaku: I imagine they wanna make sure they get the belts!

Karl: The joy of holding a title is that you always have a target on your back. At this stage in the Kings of the Cage, we’re clearly the biggest scalp. If you can pin one of us or make one of us submit, you not only advance in the tournament, you walk away with the tag team titles.

Otaku: And then the target’s on your back!

Karl: True. But the prize is enough for a lot of people. Heat Seekers, do they want to just advance in this tournament, or win the titles?

I’d say they want both. And that greed… if they’re not one hundred per cent ready, it’ll be their downfall.

Last tournament, in the King of the Cage, I was the TV champion. Anarky wanted to win the tournament more than the title, so when he saw the opportunity to leave the cage, he took it. Better to take that sure fire opportunity than risk everything by coming back to try and win the gold.

Otaku: The bird in the hand is worth two in the bush! Whatever that means.

Karl: Do you honestly not know or are you hoping to get me rambling about what it means?

Otaku: B.

[“The Dragon” sighs]

Karl: There was a hawk. One day, flying around, it spotted some prey – a small blue bird flying some distance ahead. As these things do, the hawk caught the prey. The blue bird begged for its life, saying it knew where there were many birds, enough to feed the hawk for weeks, and he’d tell the hawk if only he’d let the blue bird go.

The hawk, holding the blue bird between its sharp talons, said to the blue bird, “Why would I give up the certainty of the meal I have in my talon now for the uncertain chance of a greater meal that might never come?”

A good way to live, perhaps. In this match it’s something the Heat Seekers will need to think about. Do they want to win the Kings of the Cage, or do they want the titles? Winning the titles will move them closer to the Kings of the Cage crown, but if they have a sure escape and don’t take it, if either one doesn’t take it and gets left alone in the ring trying to win the titles…

I’m not a hawk, but Dragons do just as well devouring prey.

Otaku: Oooh!

Karl: Seriously though, I’m going to enjoy this tournament. Something about the steel cage, the drive for survival, the pressure of representing the best of Empire Pro Wrestling’s tag team division

Otaku: [interrupting] The chance to wrestle pirates!

Karl: If we win and they win, yes. If you focus on pirates you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

Otaku: How are we going to lose to people who don’t even know any decent ANIME! ?

Karl: By them leaving the cage or pinning us before we get the chance. Next question.

Otaku: You know what I mean!

Karl: We’ll see. Better hit the gym, though. We’ve been around long enough to know that just because people look like morons, doesn’t mean they aren’t going to be a challenge. Stalker and Steven Shane spring to mind.

Oh… one more thing. Cammy, congrats. First time for everything, isn’t there?


Voice: Next time on Animezing Dragon…

Otaku: Hey Otakuites! Next time on Animezing Dragon, Otaku and Dragon-domo are headed into even greater danger! The goons sent in their way look like buffoons, but don’t let that fool you, they’re cagey and one wrong move could see our heroes in ohmega danger!

Look out, Dragon-domo!

Next time, episode four, season five – Animezing Dragon, be even animezinger!!

See you soon!


Jonathan Todd

New member
Apr 15, 2012
[Fade up.]

[Standing against the familiar backdrop of the black Defiance banner is Curtis Penn; you meet him last week for the very first time. His posture tells it all, he is confident…very confident… his arms are crossed, his back is straight, and his eyes are level, but there is still a look of confusion etched on his face.]

[The look of confusion has nothing to do with the nonsensical ramblings of the Animezing Dragons, but by his partner, Tyson Burke, who is sitting on a five gallon bucket to his right side. So if Curtis is in a serious mood in what mood is Tyson? Clearly Tyson is eating Doritos and is much more focused on the bag of Doritos and not with the Animezing Dragons.]


[Penn smirks.]

Would I like yall’s titles? Or should I advance in the tournament over the titles? Well…

[Tyson chomps down on another Dorito and glances up at Curt as he continues to ramble.]

I’ve held titles. I’ve held tag team gold. Hell man, I’ve held singles gold. This man eating the chips…I think he’s held some gold…

[Burke smiles only to show the world his gold teeth and little bits of food that is still in his mouth.]

Honestly, I think he might have melted down his last belt for his gold fronts.

[Curtis sighs because he knows that he is starting to ramble.]

I would love to see some more gold around my waist…but if that door opens I’m going to take advancement over those titles. However…

[Tyson stands up and shakes his bag of Doritos into his mouth so that he could get the crumbs out of the corner. ]

However, if I get the chance to kick your teeth down your throat or to curb stomp partner through the mat I’m gonna do that. It’s a very basic plan. Winning at all costs is what I do.

[Tyson crumbles the bag of Doritos and tosses it off screen and starts licking the tips of his fingers. ]

But my mind works in strange ways. The way I see it…Karl… is that if we allow yall to walk out of the cage with those titles around yalls waist then we’ll be doing EPW a disservice. Because when we advance to the next round… oh and don’t think for a second that we won’t advance… and you’re sitting around your mom’s apartment watching cartoons and still wearing the tag titles, then those titles …they lose a little bit of their luster and all of their value.

[Tyson licks his final finger and Curt wonders how long Tyson is going to savor his Dorito cheese.]

Yeah, yeah yall would have the gold, but wrestling’s odd couple would be more deserving of being called the EPW’s Tag Team Champions and the two of you would be …imposters.

[Tyson clues in to what Curt has been doing all the while he was enjoying every morsel of his Doritos.]

Ya sayin’ dat we’d make dese guys look like chumps if we walk out of dat cage? And ya sayin’ dat we could win da match an’ not take home da bling?

[Penn just shakes his head yes and tries not to breath in the fumes from Tyson’s breath. Burke pauses for a moment and tries to take in scope of what is really going on.]

Yes, Tyson, we could walk out of the ring without their titles and still move on to the next round. But we’d take their balls with us when we leave them in their own ring broken and beaten. And every time, until the day they lose their pretty straps, that they’re called tag champions it’ll be just a title. An empty meaningless title, they’ll be frauds.

[Tyson strokes the stubble on his chin.]

Scratch dat… we takin’ dey pride… we takin’ dey gold… den we takin’ deir cartoon porn!

[Curt was with him until the last statement.]

Not all anime is porn, Tyson!

I’d seen dem chicks with da cat ears… I’d knock boots wit dem b!tches.

Nevermind… we need to focus Tyson…Round one of King of the Cage we need to move to the next round.

We need ta take deir gold. I need more bling!

[Curtis smiles at the thought of walking out with EPW’s Tag Titles and taking them home to Defiance Wrestling.]

Yeah…yeah, you’re right.

[Tyson shoots Curtis a dumbfounded look.]

Whacha mean I’m right?

What can I say… when you’re right you’re right.

[Curtis slaps Tyson across the shoulder.]

Dey about ta get knocked da f#ck out!

[While Curt winks and smiles, Tyson leans against the banner in his b-boy stance stroking his chin stubble, the scene fades to black.]


New member
Nov 16, 2003
Nottingham, England
[FADE IN to Otaku training by snapping off kicks at a heavy bag in a candle-lit room, a luxurious Medieval-inspired tapestry hung on the wall. With each snapping half turning kick the candles flicker, while with each full turning kick the candles nearby threaten to go out and the bag sways further and further. Otaku’s breathing is heavy but steady, his kicks sharp as he switches legs every so often]

Otaku: You know… it’s funny… a tournament like Kings of the Cage, I’d expect more. I’d expect to be more nervous. I’d expect there to be more accusations, more said by people coming in. It’s weird. I kinda miss feeling intimidated and scared. Maybe it’s hanging out with Dragon-domo, listening to him, learning from him. Maybe it’s the time spent wrestling in Japan. Maybe I’m older, wiser.

Or maybe it’s because the teams so far aren’t scary. They don’t seem a big enough challenge for the power of youth!

I know, I know! I can already hear Dragon-domo saying don’t overestimate myself! But I can’t underestimate my opponents, I don’t expect anything from them at all! I’m not like Orochimaru overestimating that I can take the Sharinghan. I’m not the Millennium Earl, and I’m not Misaki after a handful of wins thinking I can take the national title in my first year only to be deeply upset by losing, kind of like Tama-chan. I’m just…

It’s hard to get enthusiastic right now, I guess.

I mean, take Heat Seekers. Going up against the World Tag Team Champions, they should be psyched, right? Making waves, trying to rattle me. But all I feel is… meh. Meh, meh, meh meh… meh.

And I hate feeling meh! It feels so… icky!

[He snaps out a side kick]

Otaku: But what’s really irritating me is how the lack of enthusiasm is making me feel like not doing anything. It’s contagious! After the big let down of the Dreamstealers and Myl-dew-baka I’m beginning to feel like nobody’s taking tag team wrestling seriously. And that makes me sad.

Karl: [as ominous voice over] Be not sad! Train harder! Because if you don’t care about your training you can’t care about your performance and you’ll be easy enough that a sickly child can defeat you!

[Otaku is a little startled by the booming voice, but spots “The Dragon” by the entrance out of camera]

Otaku: Dragon-domo!

Karl: [walking into shot] Yeah?

Otaku: I… just never mind!

Karl: Beat about the lack of enthusiasm? Get over it. It happens.

[Brown tosses Otaku a bottle of water]

Karl: Believe me, the first round of a tournament is like the first day of a siege. The weakest ones gets killed first.

Otaku: Not literally!

Karl: In a siege, yes. Same principle here. When they’ve lost they’re out of the tournament. You need to make sure you’re not one of the weakest in these early skirmishes.

Otaku: I don’t think we will be!

Karl: I doubt many soldiers in battle think “I’m going to die”, but the weakest, the ones least adept, the ones who charge in over their heads, first ones to go.

Otaku: But this is wrestling!

Karl: Still the same principle. If you’re dead in war you can’t fight in the same battle. If you get knocked out of this tournament you can’t keep wrestling in it, can you?

Besides, your form’s sloppy.

[Brown, without adjusting his jeans, snaps off a powerful side kick which causes the bag to smash into the wall, hitting the tapestry and causing a cloud of dust to rise as several candles are extinguished]

Karl: I’ll be ready for whatever Penn and Burke throw at me. While you’ve been moping around, they’ve been out training for all you know. They could be the best you’ve ever faced. That’s what you need to be focusing on, not worrying about people not taking this seriously. If they aren’t, more fool them.

[Otaku is silent, almost sulking]

Karl: Now, who’s going to win this match?

Otaku: We are…

Karl: Who?

Otaku: We are!

Karl: How?

Otaku: By being READY! Being PREPARED!


Karl: That’s better!

[Otaku starts attacking the bag again]

[CUT TO: “The Dragon” leaning against a wall]

Karl: Otaku’s right, you know. It’s a shame there’s not a bigger fuss at the moment, but what can you do? I can’t go to the Heat Seekers or Dreamstealers or any other team and force them to compete, to train. I can only be in charge of me.

I just hope that Penn and Burke are training, that they are ready. Because I don’t like short matches. Win or lose I like a challenge, and when there’s no challenge, I feel the fans are cheated. By rights, every match should be between two similar sides, ones that have to fight and struggle to prove dominance.

But like I told Otaku, in the early part of a battle, or a tournament, the weaker combatants lose first.

I don’t feel we’ll lose. If we do, I’ll deal with it. If we lose the titles, I’ll deal with it.

When we win, we’ll deal with whoever’s next. Boil this business down it’s very simple.

Art, humanity, in its purest form.

Now, surrounded by a cage. Don’t expect us to go easy on you. Any of you.

Not because we’re champions. But because I don’t give anything less than my best on any given night.

And if you take it easy, you’ll find that my best is up there with the.



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