(FADEIN: POINT OF VIEW stand in front of an EPW AGGRESSION Backdrop.)
BRONTE LAKES: After weeks of doing cartwheels in front of Dan Ryan’s office to get his attention, and staking out in front of the corporate building with a lemonade stand, we’re finally back on the schedule. Of course I understand why the big oaf was a little slow on the draw. People in Texas are generally too concerned with trying to secede from the Union and form Mexico 2.0 than they are getting to more important matters. Here we are the best young tag team on the scene and we can’t break free from the chains of Caller ID. But it’s not surprising. People from Texas tend not to notice a hundred starved Mexicans crammed into the back of an ice cream truck as it crosses the border and heads to the local Home Depot. So the man who signs our checks is a little slow, we accept that.
JASON MURRAY: So Dan Ryan didn’t like how we did business. We weren’t “Ready” in his eyes. To hell with him. The truth of the matter is the suits were pissed off when we let our twitter followers know EPW wanted to repackage and sell us. The backyard wrestling history scares the hell out of everyone here. We’ve been told to learn to play the game. Right. How many promising young talents in the ‘80s marched into the office one day born from mid-America and left a Soviet Devil taking Russian at community colleges to make the angle more legit.
We are the truth. And social media loves us for it. And after we walk out of OKC with our hands raised in the air, we’ll also leave with our fucking pride in knowing we didn’t sell out and get fitted for puffy shirts and ride into the ring on a fucking Pirate ship.
ERIC BEACHY: Wolves of the Sea! This is our coronation. You haven’t seen anything in EPW to prepare you for POINT OF VIEW! I’m a 4-time state All-American from Tennessee! Division 2 football star. At every level, in every sport I’ve excelled and if you think your past life playing dress up and waking planks for party favors prepares you for Jason and I and our athletic ability? You’re as high as my dick is wide. There’s no spot, no angle in the ring we won’t attack from. We were born to win, born to change the business forever.
JASON MURRAY: Go to corporate get repackaged. They wanted POINT OF VIEW’s edges softened. They wanted us to conform, but this is a business still held hostage by assholes who decide retirement is boring if you’re just following your wife around as she performs in clubs around the world. I had an Eli Flair poster on my wall a hundred years ago, but this is why we’re coming off the worst PPV in recent memory. EPW is boring as fuck.
And now Dan Ryan recognizes its time for the new breed to have their say.
We’re the true Pirates of EPW.
We take what we want and do as we please.
BRONTE LAKES: And what we’ve wanted since we signed an EPW contract is the bring the Tag Titles back to a place they haven’t been in a long time. And my boys will do that. Wolves Of The Sea this is war and these people need to see bloodshed to distract them from the tragedy that’s struck their lives. Once Jason and Eric beat your ass, its back to the theme back rides for you two.
A Pirates life just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, boys.
[FADE IN to a shot of the Atlantic Ocean lapping against a Caribbean shoreline, the waves rising and falling in the distance before breaking as they reach the land
PAN LEFT, and we see the Wolves of the Sea, Syd and Jameson, stripped to the waist around a small camp fire pit. Jameson is cleaning a fish as Syd lays on the sand, a hat pulled down over his eyes. In the distance we can see a small group of trees, but the sun is low enough and it’s early enough in the day that the two pirates aren’t worried about seeking shade just yet]
JM: How’s it lookin’, matey?
JM:[throwing a small stone square at Syd’s hat, trying to knock it off] How’s things lookin’?
JM: Neptune’s Beard, laddie! Do ye want the Cap’n tae keelhaul ye?
SM: Neigh, but he ain’t here, an’ we’ve been working hard the last week here on this island so if he doesn’t’ae ken that I’m takin’ a quick nap, it won’t hurt him.
JM: Neigh, but taking a nap will hurt ye! Donnae ferget who’s cleaning dinner and holding the knife! Now get yer lazy behind up an’ fetch some water from that stream!
SM: An’ if I refuse, matey?
JM: I’ll have tae change yer mind.
SM: Yer gonnae try an’ bring me round tae yer point of view, eh?
JM: Aye! Tae right!
Nice reminder, there.
SM: Aye, I thought ye’d like it. [Syd sits up and wipes the sleep from his eyes]
JM: Good idea of our Cap’n’s, this.
SM: Aye. Training and survivin’ here on a deserted island in the Caribean fer a week. Not tae difficult, neigh supplies but plenty o’ things tae catch, tae eat, keep us in shape. None of that silly lan’lubber’s grub fer us!
JM: No cotton sheets an’ down-filled pillows!
SM: No mead.
JM:[a little melancholy] Neigh wenches, neither...
SM: We’ll have ye back in Nancy’s arms soon enough, laddie! Our Cap’n, he say we need tae shape up, get ship shape, work hard after the poor, poor start tae our voyage we’ve made in Empire Pro Wrestling! We’re so far off course only hard work, a good headwind an’ the mercy o’ the Sea will get us back on course!
JM: Aye. An’ we start that against Point of View! Whoever they are.
SM: I think the skipper said they used tae be in Empire Pro about a year ago. Dunno much about them. Donnae care much, either. They’re in our way.
JM: An’ ye never want tae get in the way of the Wolves of the Sea!
SM: A pirate’s life, they said, ain’t all it’s cracked up tae be. How long have we lived this life, laddie?
JM: Since birth!
SM: Aye! Yer father was a seaman! Yer mother a wench in port. I was born aboard ship! It’s the only life we ken! We know deeper, darker secrets than Point of View could ever, ever fathom in the depths of their barnacle brains!
JM: Barnacle brains…
SM: Skipper said a lot about them two. How they’re athletic. How they’re experienced in backyard.
JM: What’s a back yard?
SM: Dunno. Something lan’lubbers have, maybe.
JM: Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t mean anything! Who cares how much they’ve done? Who cares what titles they’ve gotten on land? All tha’ matters is who walks away with the treasure!
JM: And that will be US soon enough!
SM: Aye. We donnae need flashy gimmicks or fancy words, we just need our skills! The skills tae face intae the wind, face down another vessel, face Leviathan itself… an’ defeat it.
JM: By bein’ quicker, hungrier, with better planning!
I think we need tae talk tae Skipper about the plan…
SM: Maybe. How’s dinner coming?
JM:[remembering the fish] Oh…
SM: You whoreson!
JM: Keep yer scarf on, lad! An’ fetch me some water!
[Syd motions to fall asleep again, before a fish smacks the hat off his face. Syd laughs as he throws the fish back at Jameson. FADE OUT]
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