[FADE IN to the Wolves of the Sea standing in front of an Aggression backdrop with Kenny Lombardo holding the microphone]
KL: Kenny Lombardo here with the Wolves of the Sea. Syd, Jameson, since your loss to Animezing Dragons in the Kings of the Cage, people have had a lot of expectations of you which you’ve not lived up to so far. At Aggression you lost to Point of View, and next you’re going two on one against Boogie Smallz
[Jameson grabs the mic, passing it over to Syd]
SM: Fer all we’ve said we’ve made nary a ripple in the waters of the Empire, an’ it seems fer our sins we’ve been given a handicap match as a way tae try an’ embarrass us by havin’ the so-called traitorous Boogie Smallz beat the both of us at the same time. Or embarrass us by havin’ it so it takes two of us tae beat him.
SM: Us, them, or him?
JM: Them, if that’s what they’re thinkin’!
JM: How could two pirates be embarrassed abou’ takin’ a man on two tae one? We’ve fought aboard an enemy ship where yer life depends on yer skill an’ tha’ o’ yer shipmates! There be bigger beasts an’ there be bigger men an’ in those times yae need the best shipmates by yer side.
SM: Couldn’t’ae said it better meself, lad.
[Syd thrusts the mic back in Kenny’s chest. The interviewer looks perplexed but maintains his professionalism]
KL: Granted. But come on, this is pro wrestling.
JM: An’ yer point is, lan’lubber?
KL: It’s not the same as fighting on a ship, or in a car park, or wherever.
SM: Neigh, it ain’t, yer right. It’s not as difficult as fighting aboard a ship in rough seas. Well, fer lan’lubbers. Maybe we’ve spent too long aboard ship between matches. You ever been months at sea, lad?
[Kenny shakes his head]
SM: Then ye don’t ken how yer legs get used tae the roll of the ship.
JM: That’s why I look drunk when I come ashore!
SM: Jameson, matey, that’s all the ale, mead an’ rum ye drink.
JM: Oh yeah…
SM: But Jameson’s partly right. When ye hit rough seas, ye’d be thrown about, but we’re so used tae it we keep out balance. When the ground isn’t movin’ beneath yer feet, things get easy fer ye, but perhaps harder for us than we’d thought.
That’s why our Cap’n in his wisdom has said, stay ashore a while. Get yer land legs back. We were born aboard ships. We’ve struck hidden reefs, landed on desert isles, fought vicious sea beasts an’ braved raging storms, but the ways o’ the lan’bound, they be foreign tae us.
JM: Except the wenches and the drinking.
SM: Aye, we’re good at that. An’ we’re getting our land legs.
KL: How is that going to help you with Boogie Smallz?
SM: That blowhard?
KL: I know he’s saying he’s going to leave you two hurt, injured, possibly retired, and he’s the kind of guy who could do it.
SM: Hardly! What is it tha’ Dragon fella says, we’ll be back the next match, Boogie cannae hurt us tha’ badly.
JM: It’s a stupid thing tae say, we’ve heard it loads of times even here in the Empire and while we may not have made much o’ a ripple we’ve taken fireballs, crashed through tables, and come back. We’ve had rougher times at sea than Boogie could hope tae gi’ us.
SM: Or p’haps he hopes tae talk us tae death.
SM: Pirates we may be, stupid we’re not, sell swords we ain’t
JM: An’ patient we ain’t!
JM: If ye have a problem wi’ someone, Boogie, don’t keep talkin’, do somethin’ abou’ it. Go up tae Dan Ryan hi’self an’ fight it out wi’ him like a man, an’ if he says neigh, ye don’t take it fer an answer!
SM: What are ye, Boogie, yellow?
KL: You two might regret saying that…
JM: WE REGRET NOTHING!! When ye’ve seen lads ye’ve known yer entire life dragged overboard and sucked down intae the murky waters on the Atlantic in a storm, when ye’ve been riddled with fever an’ pox and close tae death leagues from land and a doctor, ye regret nothin’ an’ ye fear even less, so why would we ever fear a man as yellow an’ cowardly as Boogie Smallz?
SM: Aye, the two of us are gonnae challenge him, aye we’re gonna survive in tact, an’ aye, we’re gonnae take another long, long drink from the barrel o’ battle, until we’ve quenched the thirst o’ our Cap’n, taken our revenge against any who oppose us!
JM: That’s one of the ways of the sea. In defeat, malice, in victory, revenge, an’ we’ve had a lot o’ defeats tae get us more and more maliced.
KL: OK, well, good luck at Aggression, guys, I still think you’re going to
SM: If ye value yer treasure, matey, I wouldn’t’ae say what I ken yer thinkin’ o’ saying.
What on earth does my name have to do with that sentence?
[Syd and Jameson look puzzled at each other]
SM: He doesn’ae ken what we’re saying?
JM: Do lan’lubbers no speak English?
SM: I guess they donnae teach ‘em.
JM: Ye ken, ye may be right.
KL: Forget I asked. This is Kenny Lombardo, and I don’t know what they’re on about…
SM: He doesn’t’ae ken what we’re saying!!
JM: I guess we better add tha’ to the list o’ things tae get maliced about.
SM: That’s no even a word!
JM: IT IS!!
SM: Hold it, laddie… donnae forget, Boogie Smallz, the yellow livered coward who’s blowin’ hot air intae the wind and is gonnae come up a wee bit short o’ land when he faces of against US!
JM: Aye! The Wolves of the Sea!