Phallacy
DISCLAIMER: The following promo contains profanity that may not be suitable for children under three. If profanity offends you in any way, shape, or form, please turn off the television and proceed to f*ck yourself.
(CUEUP: "() - Track 4" by Sigur Ros... )
(FADEIN to an empty ring... Anarky is sitting on a stool in beat-up jeans and an old Guns n' Roses t-shirt... he's not wearing any facepaint. He's got a lit cigarette in his hand.)
ANARKY: "Now that we've been formally introduced, Beast, allow me to skip the pleasantries and get straight to the point.
"From your introduction, I learned two very important things about you.
"Number one... you don't have any clue who the f*ck I am.
"Number two... you are one of the dumbest f*cking whores I have ever met in my ten years in this business. And I have met some dumb f*cking whores, Beast. You should be proud."
(He smiles and takes a drag of his cig.)
ANARKY: "You really covered all the bases there, Beast. I mean, really, if someone had a wrestler stereotype rulebook, you followed that sh*t to the T.
"Made fun of my name and pointed out the intentional misspelling? Check.
"Came up with a name that's been used a thousand times before in some vain attempt to emasculate me? Check.
"Bragged about what titles you've won? Hmmmm, check.
"Pretty much guaranteed victory? Check."
(He puts out his cigarette, leans back, and yawns.)
ANARKY: "You'll have to excuse me for not getting down on my knees and worshipping quite yet, Beast.
"You think I'm some kind of goth monster, Beast? You think I don't feel pain?
"You didn't listen to a word I said, did you? I didn't say that I didn't FEEL pain, Beast. I'm f*cking HUMAN, Beast. I can't just tell my synapses to not fire, can I?
"But people like you never listen. You only hear what you want to hear. What you EXPECT to hear. You see the skull facepaint, and you think, oh, here we go again, some kind of monster that doesn't feel pain.
"I wear my warpaint proudly, boy. Because I'm a modern day gladiator. I'm a lion that feasts on Christians in the Colosseum.
"But instead, I have to listen to some guy from the X-Men chide me for not being ORIGINAL ENOUGH. But you don't know the first f*cking thing about me. It's obvious from the moment you opened your mouth that you had no idea who you were fighting or what you were up against.
"Maybe it's just confidence, Beast. Or maybe you just don't care.
"Me, Beast? I think it's plain f*cking stupid. I don't know your whole history, Beast, but I know where you've been and roughly what you've done. I at least had enough sense to figure that out on my own.
"But I guess you need me to hold your hand in this one, Beast. I guess I'm going to have to do the work for both of us dumb f*cking whores.
"So let me tell you a story, Beast. When I got into this business, I was like any other punk kid. I wanted the Gold, and I wanted it fast. And I'd do anything it'd take to get it.
"And I did.
"I made the right friends, shook the right hands, betrayed the right people, bribed the right refs... for a shiny little piece of gold.
"And when I got on top of that mountain, and I looked down, you know what I saw? I saw sh*t. I saw a bunch of whiny little girls who all wanted the same f*cking sh*t piece of gold as everyone else. Like CHILDREN, they fought over it.
"And why? For an icon? A symbol of greatness?
"HA!"
(He stands up and walks close to the camera, framing only his face in the shot.)
ANARKY: "The gold is meaningless. Any moron could stumble his way into a Championship. And in this business, respect is a myth. The gold doesn't get you respect. It only gets you more enemies.
"Ultimately, don't we both know what this is really all about? The winning... the gold... the glory.
"Penis... f*cking... envy.
"So why don't we both just save some time and rip down our pants and see whose is bigger. Because that's what this is all about. It's about insecurity. It's about feeling worthy. It's about how BIG YOUR F*CKING COCK IS.
"And to me, Beast... well that's just sad. Pathetic. You think I'm crazy? Hell, I think I'm one of the only sane ones left. Because at least I know I'm sh*t. At least I don't have any pretentions about what I do or who I am.
"I walked away from the business, Beast, and I walked away on top. Because I didn't want it. Let the fools have their gold. Because nothing's ever as good when you finally get it. You just need something more. Something better.
"So I found something better. Something real, Beast. Something beautiful.
"And it was so simple... so obvious.
"It was the pain. The single unifying thing in this business. The very thing we share... the thing that defines us.
"Everything else is incidental.
"Right now, sitting here, Beast, I am numb. I am numb to the politics and the social conditioning and to the media and to the world's infinite suffering.
"But in the ring, Beast... in the ring I am alive again. I have my purpose. My definition.
"And in the moment when we share our pain... our suffering... we are connected, you and I. Were are connected by being the dumb whores that we are... by spilling blood for the unending bloodlust of the fans.
"You see, Beast... you don't get paid to win titles. You get paid to hurt people. You are a professional giver of pain. Nothing more, nothing less.
"So I'm a sick f*ck because I ENJOY it? Because I LIVE FOR IT?! You ALL live for it. You ALL are defined by it. And yet I'M the crazy one.
"Oh, no, Beast... YOU'RE the crazy one. You're the sick f*ck, so to speak. You're just in denial. You see purpose where there is none. You see glory in little pieces of gold. You see respect in the size of your d*ck.
"I ain't trying to scare you, Beast. Unlike you, I know full well what I got myself into. I know that I could sit here with a chainsaw and start hacking up little retarded kids and it wouldn't scare you.
"You're too dumb to be scared. Too proud to be afraid. No matter, Beast. I don't do this for your fear.
"I do it because I love it. I do it because I wanna bust a load every time you scream out in pain. I do it because it makes me feel like every synapse in my body is firing at the same time when you drop me through a table.
"Outside of that ring, I am nothing. Just an empty shell, waiting for its next fix. And maybe I'm not as young as I used to be... maybe I'm not as quick as I once was.
"But you aren't even listening. I'm wasting my breath again. It's alright, Beast, I forgive you. I was wasting it breathing anyway.
"All you understand is that title slung over your shoulder. All you understand is where you've been.
"Guess what, Beast. You aren't in EPW any more. That title you got? Don't mean sh*t here. Next time, leave that sh*t at home. I'd rather you just whipped out your cock instead, Beast, because I'm getting real tired of this symbolic behavior.
"You're in my world now, Beast, whether you know it or not. You'll serve your purpose like all the other dumb little whores. You'll play your role, and I'll play with you, and ultimately, once the dance is done, we'll go our separate ways.
"It doesn't matter if I win or lose, Beast, and I'm certainly not quite as stupid as to guarantee victory over someone I barely know, unlike yourself.
"Because in the end, we are all whores to chaos. It does with us what it wants. And there isn't a f*cking thing you or I or anyone else can do about it.
"Except enjoy the ride. And I'm going to, Beast. I'm going to enjoy this very much.
"You don't know me yet, Beast... you don't know what Anarky is...
"... but you will. I promise."
(FADEOUT to a wide smile.)
