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B1TCHIN' 00: Hawke v Blue


League Member
Jan 11, 2006
Cape Cod
One Day Is Not Like Another

{the scene opens to the long beach airport. the camera zooms in on a baggage claim spot. the light blinks red and the horn sounds. "FLIGHT 303 - MIAMI" lights up the screen above it and the conveyor belt rolls. the camera zooms backwards and we see a blonde woman standing there, a backpack on her shoulders.}

"who could have known what treasures lay ahead of us in the women's division? one minute i'm wrestling carlee marx in miami .. the next minute i'm on a flight to long beach, getting ready to participate in the brand spanking new VENUS Wrestling Alliance."

{she smiles as the first pieces of luggage begin to fall onto the conveyor.}

"you really couldn't put this past juliet, could you? the woman has got brains. she's got guts. and most of all she had an entire women's division already in her palm. so now, instead of toiling away for nothing as opening fodder for the big boys, i'm wrestling in a federation that places me and my wrestling ability above me and my ability to make grown, overweight men drool."

{she watches for a few seconds, but nothing comes onto the conveyor that she recognizes. finally a single black piece of luggage falls down.}

"ah, here we go."

"let me get that for you."

{a tall man with black hair reaches over to pick up the luggage. she places her hand in front of him and stops him in his place.}

"i can get it, thank you."

{the black piece of luggage strolls past them and she begins walking after it leaving the man with a shocked expression on his face.}

"people always seem to think that we need help. it happened in the lockerroom, too. i would come in with my luggage and immediately one of the guys would take it from me offering to - help."

{she reaches over and takes it off with ease. after she stands it upright, she takes the handle and pulls it up to roll out of the baggage claim with it.}

"but i don't need help. we don't need help. juliet marceau knew this and she is taking a big gamble on proving this to the entire wrestling world. now it is our turn to come out and not to let her down. and we will. i will do my part by going out there on b1tchin, the very first VENUS wrestling alliance show, and facing krist blue. both of us won last time around."

{she stops as she reaches the map.}

"to be fair, i would think that my competition was a little bit more, well, competition."

{hawke points to the map finding her future destination.}

"but that was then. a different, era. this is now. this is the chance for a whole new audience, one who truly appreciates our abilities in the ring, to see what we can do. i will not disappoint them. krist blue, you may be a formidable, even unorthodox, opponent. but i am sweden's most accomplish female wrestler. there's a fire burning deeper inside me now than there ever has in the last two years i've wrestled."

{she comes to an escalator.}

"in our match, to showcase what the VENUS wrestling alliance has to offer, you will have the chance, the honor and privilege--"

{she steps onto the escalator and looks down at the camera as it takes her to the next floor.}

"-- of looking up from the mat and seeing my hands raised in victory."

{hawke makes it to the end of the escalator and walks out of the camera's view. the scene ends with the camera coming back to a wide angle shot, showing the rest of the travelers waiting for their luggage.}


League Member
Jan 1, 2000
Boston and other places.
Yay for stuff!!!

(CUEUP: “Drunk kid Catholic” by Bright Eyes…)
(CUTTO: Krist Blue, hair bleached and in pig-tails, black “Hello Kittie” T-shirt and a black tutu, smoking a red clove cigarette, hanging outside some really scummy mall somewhere….)

“America’s Sweetheart”
KRIST BLUE: Yeah, like, wow, feminism ‘n sh(bleep). We’re sistas doin’ it fer ourselves now, on our own all girl show!! Yaaaaaay us! (clears throat…And hawks a loogie on the sidewalk) Ew. Uh, scuse me…

But, like, Victoria? It’s cool that you wanna make a statement about us chicks not being helpless ‘n sh(bleep), but, hey…watch this….

(some DUMB GUY with greasy curly hair, wearing a Johnny the Homicidal Maniac T-shirt and black pants walks by…)

KRIST: Uh…excuse me, sir? Do you have any alcohol?

DUMB GUY: Why, yes I do. I mean, I am going to the mall, after all.

KRIST: Can I have some?

DUMB GUY: Sure. (pulls a flask out of his back pocket, and hands it to Krist..)

KRIST: Thanks dude. (guzzles the entire contents of the flask in a single gulp…Then hands the dude the flask back…)

DUMB: What the….?

KRIST: Oh, I’m sorry, was that all your whiskey?

DUMB: Obviously. Now I have to go back to the packie…

KRIST: Well, have fun.

(Dumb Guy walks off)

KRIST: See?! See?! I don’t need help from dudes, but I can exploit then when they’re nice to me, only ‘cuz they think they’ll be able to have sex with me if they’re eeeeextra nice! And maybe they can have sex with me, some of the time, but that’s beside my point! And I probably do need help!! But not like, help opening doors! Like, help like, with brain meats!!! I’m a loony person, Vickie!! Whooooo! (does a little stomping crazy dance) But it’s cool, ‘cuz I’ve been prescribed plenty of vicodin, so it’s not like I’m gonna put my fingernails in your eyes er nuthin’ like that. That would be SO MEAN!!!

Oooooh! Lookit you!! You can pick up your OWN SUITCASE!! You’re like, Camille Paglia and the Hulk put together!! (fake gasp) Except you’re obviously not!! (sticks out her tongue and rocks a big wet raspberry). Gawd, like, who f(bleep)king cares? You think the, oooh, (makes quote marks w/fingers) “Audience is gonna appreciate our athletic abilities now?” Or whatever? They don’t even appreciate the BOY wrestlers like that! You are dumb and stuck up! Y’know what Sweden makes me think of?! ABBA!!! I HATE ABBA!!! AND ACE OF BASE!!! Booo!!! Booooo in your mouth!! Ooooh! And NAZIS!! That’s where they kept their money!! NAZIS F(bleep)ING SUCK. I gonna slap you across the face for all the bad disco music and hate-monger capital in your stupid country.

S’like, yeah, I lost a whole buncha times. But s’like, no biggie. I was trained by Em Dubbya Gee, and he’s like…good. And famous. And hot. I mean, even though his organs are all messed up, he like, brought sexy back, then took it away, then brought it back again, and then let me watch while he had sex with some guys who were also hot, but not as hot as him. Also, I used to date Felix Red, and he’s like…also good at wrestling. But not sexy. Like, at all. And bad in bed. And mean. But he wins all his matches ‘n whatever, even if he just cheats and does lots of steroids. But my point is, that I’m a mother damnin’ student of the game. I like, honor and revere, the time honored traditions of this business. And I’m mad sick of losing every night. Too bad you couldn’t have run into me back when I didn’t mind losing, Vickie, babe. ‘Cuz now you’re gonna get yer head stomped on. Fall down. Go-(makes little jerking off motion with an open fist in the hair, and mocks ejaculation towards the camera, rocking a ejaculatory raspberry) pppbbbbblllllllesh.

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