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Backstage @ Royal Rumble

Sean Taylor

League Member
Sep 3, 2004
Kingston, Ontario
(Date: January 30, 2005. Place: The Save Mart Center in Fresno, California. Booker T, Renee Dupree, Viscera, and Gene Snitsky are standing together in the hallway just hours before the Royal Rumble.)

Booker: Yo, suckas! I just got word from the V-Man that none of us are going to win the Rumble this year.

Renee: Tabernac! Dat is not fair. What is da meaning be'ind dis outrage?

Visera: Grumble, grumble, grumble.

Booker: Apparently, (looking at Snitsky) someone ran into the back of the V-Man's limo when he went for a coffee run.

Snitsky: Look, Booker, the limo driver backed into me. I didn't mean to hit him.

Booker: So in other words . . .

Booker & Snitsky: IT'S WASN'T MY FAULT!!!

Booker: Right, right.

(Meanwhile, Kane is talking on a cell phone in his lockerroom.)

Kane: Sweetheart, listen. It's only for the duration of the angle . . . I don't know . . . However long Vince wants us to stay married . . . I already told you, I'm a method actor. I need to immerse myself into the character and live it and . . . Lita, I promise we'll get a divorce as soon as . . . Lita? . . . Lita? . . . Lita? . . .

(Meanwhile, John Cena and Big Show are sitting in the dressing room. Cena is watching Big Show giggling like a schoolgirl as he spins the US Title belt. Kurt Angle walks in.)

Angle: Hey guys . . . Cena, what is Show doing?

Cena: (in his natural, stuffy British accent) I say, Kurtis, this monstracity of a man has been revolving my championship belt for the past hour now. He appears to be entralled with the dynamics of the colourful, rotating disc.

(Big Show spins the title again and wails out in light pitched laughter.)

Big Show: Tee hee. Look at it go! Why didn't I have this when I was US Champ?

Kurt: Anyways, Cena, Vince wants to talk to you about tonight.

Cena: Oh rapture! I am indeed expecting to procure a victory tonight and verify my World Championship opportunity at Wrestle Mania Part 21.

Kurt: Oh and that's another thing. You may want to switch to "character mode". Vince is one of his moods. When I talked to him, he kept asking me to recite my 3 I's so that he could chant "You Suck".

Cena: Oh fret now, Mr. Angle. I will transform myself fothwith on my journey to his office and once again become the hip hop fan favourite Vincent expects of me. Just make sure Mr. Show here doesn't ruin my title belt.

Kurt: No problem. (Turning to Big Show while holding up his gold medals) Hey, Show. Look what I got.

Big Show: Ooooooh. Pretty!

(Cena leaves the dressing room and walks down the hall to Vince's office. He opens the door and finds Vince McMahon behind his desk re-enacting the 1997 Montreal Screwjob with wrestling dolls (re: action figures).

Vince: Show up on Nitro with my belt, will you??? DIE!! DIE!! DIE!!

Cena: What up, Vinnie Mac? Word on the rizoad says you were carvin' for a rap session with the Doctor of Thuganomics, Boy-ee!

Vince: Ok, I don't know what you just said but I'm glad you're here because I wanted to talk to you. Listen, I was thinking about making you and Chris Jericho tag team champions.

Cena: OH SNAP!!! Seriously, V.M., that would be dope! Y2J and the leader of the Chain Gang ripping tracks and laying smack all over Raw . . .

Vince: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I meant teaming you two on SmackDown.

Cena: Vince, man, that is weaK!

Vince: I'm glad you like the idea. I'll book it for this week.

(Cena gets pissed off and leaves. Vince hits his intercom button.)

Vince: Shane, book Jericho on SmackDown this week and find out for sure if "weak" is hip hop for "great decision, boss".

Shane: Sure thing, Pops!

(Shawn Michaels pops his head into Vince's office.)

HBK: Hey, Vince, I'm going over Edge tonight right?

Vince: Well, actually . . .

HBK: Vince . . .

Vince: Sorry, sir. Yes, you're going over.

HBK: Damn right! That's better.

(Shawn leaves and Evolution enters.)

HHH: Dad, we gotta talk.

Ric: Yeah!

Batista: Grrr. Snarl.

Vince: What's up, son?

HHH: (starting to get a tear in his eye) I don't want to lose my title.

(Vince stands up, walks over to HHH, and hugs him. HHH starts crying.)

Vince: I know. I know. Shhhhh. It's ok. I know how much that title means to you.

HHH: It's just that *sniff* Steph and I want children and if I'm not *sniff* the champion, I can't . . . well . . . you know . . . perform.

Vince: Don't worry. Orton doesn't stand a chance against you. You're The Game!

Ric: That's right! You're The Game!

Vince: You're the best in this business.

Ric: Best in the business!

Vince: You can beat anyone.

Ric: Anyone!

Vince: Ric! Stop that.

Ric: Stopping, sir!

HHH: That's great. Thanks, Dad. Hey, before we go, Batista had a question for you.

Vince: Ok, what is it Batista?

Batista: (silence)

HHH: Go ahead, Dave. Just like I taught you.

Batista: Vince? *snarl* Me . . . win . . . Rumble?

Vince: (laughing) Yes, Dave you can win the Rumble.

Batista: (smirking) Me win Rumble?

Vince: Who else it going to win it? Simon Dean?

(Vince and Evolution break into an uproarous laughter while Simon Dean, who was walking by the open office door, gets a tear in his eye and slowly trudges away. Meanwhile, Undertaker and Paul Heyman are talking over a cup of coffee in the lobby.)

Undertaker: They say they're expecting a sell out crowd tonight.

Heyman: You know, when I ran E . . . C . . . W, we always had sell out crowds.

Undertaker: Yeah but, Paul, you ran your shows mostly out of a bingo hall in Philadelphia that could only hold 200 people.

Heyman: Uh, excuse me. It was 220 people and besides if I had gotten a T.V. deal then E . . . C . . . W would have never folded.

Undertaker: Yes, Paul, I saw the DVD.

Heyman: I can still hear the chants. E-c-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!!

Undertaker: Did you ever notice that when the fans were chanting the name of your promotion they would say "dub" instead of "W". I mean, it's like they didn't know the full name of your fed.

Heyman: E-c-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!!

Undertaker: Paul?

Heyman: E-c-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!!

Undertaker: Paul?

Heyman: E-c-Dub!! E-C-Dub!! E-C-Dub!!

Undertaker: Oh forget it! (turning away and walking off) Hey, Brisco! Paul's stuck chanting again.



League Member
Oct 19, 2004
What exactly was the point of this again?

- Must have missed it.


League Member
Oct 19, 2004

GH & Joe friggin' rocked!

Derek, GH & Joe were these recappers on this old site, www.theshooters.net and they were like Scott Keith on crack and much funnier than him too.

Dunno if they write anywhere nowadays, but seriously, they rocked the party that rocked the body.

- GH & Joe mark

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