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Beach Promo


Jan 1, 2000
(CUT TO: The combined waters of the Chesapeake Bay and the Atlantic Ocean swirl onto the shore at Virginia Beach, which is lit by the moon. Standing on the beach, as the waves crash on his feet, is Troy Windham, rocking a CSWA do-rag, a "Virginia Is For Snipers" T-Shirt and a pair of ripped khakis. A cigarette dangles from his lips.)

TROY: Let me give the so-called Masters of the Mic a little lesson. Any chump can come on out to the beach. Any chump can smoke a cigarette. Any chump can TRY to look cool. But it takes someone special to not just be cool... but to DEFINE what the word means. That man, playas, is me.

Yeah, Miles and Mayfield can come out to the beach and they can come out on TV and say they're on the cutting edge Must-See TV. Troy Windham doesn't play that reindeer game, though. Why's that, you ask? Because Troy Windham's watched The Pee Are Ohh's talk and talk about how they're The State of the Union but they come across more and more like The Olsen Twins each and every time they yap. And believe me, Troy Windham knows The Olsen Twins, having been the man who popped their cherries. FACT! Twins have special powers. When one of the Olsens was in Europe filimng some movie with jiggaman himself Alan Thicke, I was busy doin' the other in my South Beach condo. But guess what? They *BOTH* felt the ecstatic rush of Troy Windham's 9-iron.

Just like another certain girl done did. Craig Miles comes out here talking like he opened doors for me. Criaggers-- I know from experience when someone has a habit that can cause mental confusion and, son-son, you must have more demons than a Norwegian Death Metal band. Quit playin'. You act like you were a big star back when I was coming up. All you were was the 2nd best member of a tag team that went like 4 for 91309 in your careers. Riddle me this, Craig-- if you're so hot, then how come I allegedly impregnated your wife a few years back? You DO remember that, right? Your skank-ass girl came crawling up on me every night because she wanted to get with a *REAL MAN* with a phat wallet... that, and I think she liked to be constantly degraded by me. French maid outfits, dog collars-- it didn't matter WHAT I said because anything I said, your wife done did. Period.

And you, Mayfield-- quit riding me already. You've been on my d for about five years now. After all that time, someone in a league that can actually write a check and not have it bounce finally knows your name. Mayfield, you keep acting like you're a big star and I'm going to straight-up come into the ring and remind everyone what you really are-- that's an overrated hype act who can't hang in a real wrestling league but is certainly good enough to be a god-damn manager in lesser leagues that fold after two shows.

For years, everyone wanted to know what would happen when The Boy Troy finally stopped playing around, worrying more about his paychecks and young girls. Well, guess what? I'm a former world champion. I wrestle in five-star match of the years everytime I step foot in the ring. I've had my vertabrae smashed, I've had my wrist destroyed and I've had entire promotions built around my presence.

Guess what, Pros? I'm on the beach. I got a Camel. You can't do sh(BLEEP) about it. I'll play your game all day and win every time. Step into the ring at Virginia Beach, and you have to play mine. Care to wager against me? (FTB)

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