Gary
League Member
August, 2005(A lot of catching up to do)
Black.
It was all he could see as he stared out into the empty night sky, not even the hint of light from a single star to light the night. His eyes danced around in the darkness, hearing the footsteps of a man who wasn't there. From spot to spot he looked, realizing finally just how alone he was. They had their spots around him, and they always seemed to stand in the same spots. Patricia, Jacob, Avery, Steve, Neah. He couldn't help but miss them, but now, none of them were around. Gone home to do their own things. Live their own lives. Most would return when he called, but even still he couldn't help but feel his life enshrouded in the darkness that was his depression.
Everything started off so strong. His own death began a series of events that would lead him back to his rightful place in the world. Everything was planned out so perfectly, and he ruined it. Now he sat in the middle of the empty woods, no sign of anything. All because of himself. He couldn't stop himself from believing in the one person who wasn't originally part of his beautiful plan.
Neah Allen.
He closed his eyes, although it really made no difference, and could see her face just in front of him. He felt so bad for her, she came all the way to England after the rumor of a white haired man, and it was his fault. She came after a man who wasn't there, and found a man who didn't exist. So he did the only thing he could. He made it up to her. Unfortunately, he fell for her. Her innocence, her beautiful face, everything about her was so much different than everything he was used to. He grew up surrounded by nothing but deception. From his family, and his friends. The only ones who never decieved him, were there with him when he called.
They were all he had, all he trusted, until Neah Allen came along.
Starks slowly moved his hand over his chest, over where his heart would be, able to feel it beating harder as the thoughts of his past with her raced back into his mind. Glancing down, he couldn't even see his hand through the darkness, even with the white glove on. He let out a soft sigh, remembering the first night they spent together. He could remember the look in her beautiful brown eyes when she finally saw him for who he was. The fear and the confusion she felt that night, he knew it was a bad idea to show her so soon, but he really had no choice.
There's always another choice though. Always another way to handle things. His thoughts moved to his birthday. Going to see her in the hospital after her long battle, after months of chemotherapy treatments. Her perfect hair was gone, but it didn't phase him then. She was still just as beautiful as the day he first laid eyes on her in Bruce Laug's office. He wanted to ask her to marry him, after everything they'd been thrugh. His fear over whelmed him that day though, and he couldn't help but imagine just how different things would be right now, if he'd gone through with it.
She may have said yes, and went on to spend the rest of her life with him, by his side fulfilling the plan for perfection. He wanted to create the perfect world for all of them. His finger slowly traced over the three hairs on his jacket, and the cloverleaf just above them, remembering the rest of that period of his life. They were all so close. He was honest with each of them about himself.
He told them all he was no more than a manipulator. The God of Lying and Deceit. Over the months it went on, many of them abandoned him. Megan, Cassandra, Dan, Xander. He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts to go away, but the feeling of the items attached to his jacket kept the memories alive. He never thought she'd leave though. She stuck with him through everything. Cassandra joining their relationship, Cassandra leaving, and his heart ache and depression during that.
Then one day, it was all over.
He slammed his hand down across the fallen tree bark he'd been sitting on, feeling the wood chip, parts falling to the ground after a slight crack.
He slowly stood, his arms held out, feeling the trees around him. He knew these woods like the backs of his hands, and easily felt his way past a few trees before coming to a stop at one certain tree, his hand slowly tracing along it. His hand found what it was searching for, and moved to the center of where the two peices of wood joined. The cross they had put up in their meeting place. It was just for her. To honor her.
No one else could lay claim to truly being a believer, aside from Neah Allen.
He couldn't understand why he'd never taken to religion, really.
Until now.
She'd decieved him.
Christianity had decieved him.
God....Decieved him.
Starks lowered his head, slowly letting out a deep sigh, thinking about it all in a new light now.
He still didn't understand why, but he knew.
They weren't welcome. They were too different to be welcomed by the rest of the world. Not even God welcomed them.
The silence of his own little world snapped away from him with the crack of a twig behind him, causing him to jerk around and turn his head up to see absolutely nothing, his hood falling back from the jerk of his head.
"Have you decided?"
The voice seemingly came from nowhere, bringing a smile to Starks' face. He knew what it meant when he couldn't see someone who was talking to him. Most would think a man like that were insane, but he knew otherwise. He could see the face of the voice in the darkness, even though his eyes failed to. The only thing he knew to do now, was say what needed to be said.
"It's time."
Black.
It was all he could see as he stared out into the empty night sky, not even the hint of light from a single star to light the night. His eyes danced around in the darkness, hearing the footsteps of a man who wasn't there. From spot to spot he looked, realizing finally just how alone he was. They had their spots around him, and they always seemed to stand in the same spots. Patricia, Jacob, Avery, Steve, Neah. He couldn't help but miss them, but now, none of them were around. Gone home to do their own things. Live their own lives. Most would return when he called, but even still he couldn't help but feel his life enshrouded in the darkness that was his depression.
Everything started off so strong. His own death began a series of events that would lead him back to his rightful place in the world. Everything was planned out so perfectly, and he ruined it. Now he sat in the middle of the empty woods, no sign of anything. All because of himself. He couldn't stop himself from believing in the one person who wasn't originally part of his beautiful plan.
Neah Allen.
He closed his eyes, although it really made no difference, and could see her face just in front of him. He felt so bad for her, she came all the way to England after the rumor of a white haired man, and it was his fault. She came after a man who wasn't there, and found a man who didn't exist. So he did the only thing he could. He made it up to her. Unfortunately, he fell for her. Her innocence, her beautiful face, everything about her was so much different than everything he was used to. He grew up surrounded by nothing but deception. From his family, and his friends. The only ones who never decieved him, were there with him when he called.
They were all he had, all he trusted, until Neah Allen came along.
Starks slowly moved his hand over his chest, over where his heart would be, able to feel it beating harder as the thoughts of his past with her raced back into his mind. Glancing down, he couldn't even see his hand through the darkness, even with the white glove on. He let out a soft sigh, remembering the first night they spent together. He could remember the look in her beautiful brown eyes when she finally saw him for who he was. The fear and the confusion she felt that night, he knew it was a bad idea to show her so soon, but he really had no choice.
There's always another choice though. Always another way to handle things. His thoughts moved to his birthday. Going to see her in the hospital after her long battle, after months of chemotherapy treatments. Her perfect hair was gone, but it didn't phase him then. She was still just as beautiful as the day he first laid eyes on her in Bruce Laug's office. He wanted to ask her to marry him, after everything they'd been thrugh. His fear over whelmed him that day though, and he couldn't help but imagine just how different things would be right now, if he'd gone through with it.
She may have said yes, and went on to spend the rest of her life with him, by his side fulfilling the plan for perfection. He wanted to create the perfect world for all of them. His finger slowly traced over the three hairs on his jacket, and the cloverleaf just above them, remembering the rest of that period of his life. They were all so close. He was honest with each of them about himself.
He told them all he was no more than a manipulator. The God of Lying and Deceit. Over the months it went on, many of them abandoned him. Megan, Cassandra, Dan, Xander. He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts to go away, but the feeling of the items attached to his jacket kept the memories alive. He never thought she'd leave though. She stuck with him through everything. Cassandra joining their relationship, Cassandra leaving, and his heart ache and depression during that.
Then one day, it was all over.
He slammed his hand down across the fallen tree bark he'd been sitting on, feeling the wood chip, parts falling to the ground after a slight crack.
He slowly stood, his arms held out, feeling the trees around him. He knew these woods like the backs of his hands, and easily felt his way past a few trees before coming to a stop at one certain tree, his hand slowly tracing along it. His hand found what it was searching for, and moved to the center of where the two peices of wood joined. The cross they had put up in their meeting place. It was just for her. To honor her.
No one else could lay claim to truly being a believer, aside from Neah Allen.
He couldn't understand why he'd never taken to religion, really.
Until now.
She'd decieved him.
Christianity had decieved him.
God....Decieved him.
Starks lowered his head, slowly letting out a deep sigh, thinking about it all in a new light now.
He still didn't understand why, but he knew.
They weren't welcome. They were too different to be welcomed by the rest of the world. Not even God welcomed them.
The silence of his own little world snapped away from him with the crack of a twig behind him, causing him to jerk around and turn his head up to see absolutely nothing, his hood falling back from the jerk of his head.
"Have you decided?"
The voice seemingly came from nowhere, bringing a smile to Starks' face. He knew what it meant when he couldn't see someone who was talking to him. Most would think a man like that were insane, but he knew otherwise. He could see the face of the voice in the darkness, even though his eyes failed to. The only thing he knew to do now, was say what needed to be said.
"It's time."