eyoung
League Member
(It’s CS Saturday Morning kicking off with Eddy Love already in ring in a burnt orange robe with gold sequins, a small Playboy bunny on the front left pocket and cursive "Hurricane Eddy" across the back. Huge smile.)
Nobody hates to gloat…… nobody hates to say I told you so, more than Hurricane Eddy. I mean if I spent 20 seconds for every time I delivered the goods to every 3 hours that fools like Mike Randles spend gloating over one truth in the middle of dozens of failed predictions and out right lies, well it’s all you people would ever hear….. BUT tonight I just gotta say it…. I told you so…. I told you Mike Randles…. I told the fans ….. I told the whole world that not only would Eddy Love beat up Mike Randles again to push the average to 4 times a week over the last year ……. I told you not only would I pin Mike Randles right in the middle of the ring in Greensboro…. BUT that the Southern Dandy would produce a partner that would drop the jaws of the entire business, a man no one thought it was possible to deliver and so I did.
The only thing I regret Randles was that I didn’t tell you the whole truth about myself, because not even I knew it. I told you that I was the greatest wrestler in the world, the kind of talent that could dominate two CSWA legends like The Lost Soul and the Wolf without even having a partner in Greensboro. I told you that I was the greatest draw you had ever seen, that I could draw a man from your past you thought you would never have to deal with again, and right there on my answering machine after the 12 messages that damn Hornet left begging to tag with Eddy Love was the name I needed….. GUNNS. I told you I was the greatest political force in the sport, and lets face it even Chad himself could never have talked Boss Merrit into reinstating the only man who had ever been banned for life from the CSWA…. But Randles I owe you thanks for that because as much as Merrit has always respected Eddy Love, that respect alone is not what gained me a pardon for GUNNS….. no the meeting went pretty badly until I looked Boss Merrit in the eyes and said "Boss", then I laid my hand on his shoulder and continued, "when Hornet and Flair and Randles came to stake their claim and things looked really bad for you, who put them in their place. Who trounced their little group into finger pointing and the blame game, Boss….. and Mr. Merrit if you let this man in and you don’t like the way things go, you’ve got me to turn to, Boss, and you tell me how that’s worked for you in the past." It was beautiful….. I knew then that not only were the skills of Hurricane Eddy unequaled, but the Southern Dandy also could draw to his side a man who swore he would never return to the CSWA….. I knew that the Legend Killer had the political clout to make Chad Merrit go against his own word at my request….. BUT what I didn’t know Randles….. the one fact that even I was ignorant to, was that I was also the luckiest man on the planet.
If I’m not the luckiest man on the planet, then how else would you explain that the very busy body that commutes the death sentence issued by Sweet Melissa to Eli Flair, climbs in the ring next to you opposite me and has to feel my wrath for the first time in 3 years. Mark Windham, I’ve tried to leave you be….. I wanted to let your brother, a man I deserve as a brother not you, deal you what you had coming….. but every time I turn around I find The Lost Soul keeps finding himself in my business (points to himself). Well I want to wish a very speedy recovery to my man Big Daddy T, Troy Diggedy, and I want to point out, Troy, if that recovery is not speedy you’re gonna be really pissed at me, because I’m gonna do what you’re champing at the bit to do and that’s run Mark Windham out of this sport for good. Let’s not forget Mark, it took you 3 years to return to the ring after I beat you fair and square, bad hand and all last time we met…… this time 3 years may seem like a day at the beach, cause Mark if you keep sticking your nose in Eddy Love’s world, I’m gonna break the nose and everything attached to it.
As for Gunns, he was certainly an adequate partner….. I mean no Troy Windham but fine for the shock effect I needed. Sorry I haven’t returned your calls, GUNNS….. but I did get the appreciative messages on my machine….. yes the flowers were beautiful, and the thank you card brought tears to my eyes. And GUNNS I saw you falling all over yourself in the Seitzer interview to let me know, to let the world know just how thankful you are that Eddy Love, your hero would throw his weight behind the cause of getting your foot back in the door. Well GUNNS, I really don’t have time to say you’re welcome to every warm body whose career I’ve made in this business, so in lieu of thanks GUNNS, I’ll just say that one day I may need a favor from you, and that day may never come but if it does, *I WILL CALL ON YOU* so quit calling me, cause I don’t want to have to give up my 659-LOVE number because some workmate has become a stalking fan.
Then we have a man who thinks a pony tail and a half dozen bottles of Grecian Formula makes him less than 40 again. Jonathan Melton, I don’t doubt that you were 38 at one time, but that day was long ago. I suspect that you were in your prime, like back when that damn Hornet was in his prime. I ran you and your Corporation from this sport in my learning stages of my CSWA career, but Melton when fossils like you and Mark Windham, whose scalps I’ve had on my Legend Killer belt for years start showing up calling my name, well it hurts my credibility, and then in turn I hafta hurt you. Go back to the seniors circuit boys, before you get hurt, *again*.
Then we have the man, who decided it would make him famous if he laid his hands on my trainer….. Eli Fl…….
(The mic goes dead, Love looks surprised, the lights go off of him. CUE UP: Bob Dylan "Sweetheart Like You"…… Down the ramp walks Sweet Melissa. Tight White ruffled sun dress, no neck brace, slight cleavage and legs from …. Well you know where they reach. She enters the ring, Love and her share a long wet kiss which makes the fans a bit restless despite the fact they dress in the face locker room. Melissa takes the mic, and Love folds his arms behind her.)
M: For you people that don’t remember, my name is Sweet Melissa…… I’m the one who found Eddy Love…… I’m the one who hired Eddy Love ……… I’m the one that made him the greatest wrestler in the world ….. and Eddy Love works for me.
He will be the first to tell you that, and like any employer, when I have an employee that does outstanding work they get certain perks. I don’t mind if Eddy Love stays out dancing all night before he wrestles a CSWA main event…… I don’t mind if Eddy Love shacks up with some 18 year old that Troy puts him on, as long as Eddy doesn’t try to train like Troy. I don’t mind if Eddy Love wrestles a meaningless war to satisfy his ego while a bum that I despise like Steve Radder soils the belt that I made Eddy a household name by winning…… In fact the only real order I ever gave Eddy was, " you don’t go after Flair until I’m back." Because Eli I want to hear your neck crack myself, the same way you heard that table collapse. I want to hear you gasp your last breath, Flair, and in a way I’m glad Sunshine Del Pain in my Ass and Mark Windham saved you….. because now you know what’s coming, and my guess is Flair, you didn’t enjoy the appetizer on the suffering buffet I’ve set for you.
Eli you’ve had more success against me than anyone in the sport….. and you always did it as the man of the people for the people….. you were never a bad ass Flair…. And deciding to play one on TV next to Randles and Hornet have changed my and your game, Eli. I’ve taken the restraints off of my man Eli….. in fact, I’ve encouraged him…. no no I’ve begged Eddy Love to not only run you from our sport, but to allow me the privilege of spitting on your grave.
(Melissa drops the mic, and they exit the ring. FTB)
Nobody hates to gloat…… nobody hates to say I told you so, more than Hurricane Eddy. I mean if I spent 20 seconds for every time I delivered the goods to every 3 hours that fools like Mike Randles spend gloating over one truth in the middle of dozens of failed predictions and out right lies, well it’s all you people would ever hear….. BUT tonight I just gotta say it…. I told you so…. I told you Mike Randles…. I told the fans ….. I told the whole world that not only would Eddy Love beat up Mike Randles again to push the average to 4 times a week over the last year ……. I told you not only would I pin Mike Randles right in the middle of the ring in Greensboro…. BUT that the Southern Dandy would produce a partner that would drop the jaws of the entire business, a man no one thought it was possible to deliver and so I did.
The only thing I regret Randles was that I didn’t tell you the whole truth about myself, because not even I knew it. I told you that I was the greatest wrestler in the world, the kind of talent that could dominate two CSWA legends like The Lost Soul and the Wolf without even having a partner in Greensboro. I told you that I was the greatest draw you had ever seen, that I could draw a man from your past you thought you would never have to deal with again, and right there on my answering machine after the 12 messages that damn Hornet left begging to tag with Eddy Love was the name I needed….. GUNNS. I told you I was the greatest political force in the sport, and lets face it even Chad himself could never have talked Boss Merrit into reinstating the only man who had ever been banned for life from the CSWA…. But Randles I owe you thanks for that because as much as Merrit has always respected Eddy Love, that respect alone is not what gained me a pardon for GUNNS….. no the meeting went pretty badly until I looked Boss Merrit in the eyes and said "Boss", then I laid my hand on his shoulder and continued, "when Hornet and Flair and Randles came to stake their claim and things looked really bad for you, who put them in their place. Who trounced their little group into finger pointing and the blame game, Boss….. and Mr. Merrit if you let this man in and you don’t like the way things go, you’ve got me to turn to, Boss, and you tell me how that’s worked for you in the past." It was beautiful….. I knew then that not only were the skills of Hurricane Eddy unequaled, but the Southern Dandy also could draw to his side a man who swore he would never return to the CSWA….. I knew that the Legend Killer had the political clout to make Chad Merrit go against his own word at my request….. BUT what I didn’t know Randles….. the one fact that even I was ignorant to, was that I was also the luckiest man on the planet.
If I’m not the luckiest man on the planet, then how else would you explain that the very busy body that commutes the death sentence issued by Sweet Melissa to Eli Flair, climbs in the ring next to you opposite me and has to feel my wrath for the first time in 3 years. Mark Windham, I’ve tried to leave you be….. I wanted to let your brother, a man I deserve as a brother not you, deal you what you had coming….. but every time I turn around I find The Lost Soul keeps finding himself in my business (points to himself). Well I want to wish a very speedy recovery to my man Big Daddy T, Troy Diggedy, and I want to point out, Troy, if that recovery is not speedy you’re gonna be really pissed at me, because I’m gonna do what you’re champing at the bit to do and that’s run Mark Windham out of this sport for good. Let’s not forget Mark, it took you 3 years to return to the ring after I beat you fair and square, bad hand and all last time we met…… this time 3 years may seem like a day at the beach, cause Mark if you keep sticking your nose in Eddy Love’s world, I’m gonna break the nose and everything attached to it.
As for Gunns, he was certainly an adequate partner….. I mean no Troy Windham but fine for the shock effect I needed. Sorry I haven’t returned your calls, GUNNS….. but I did get the appreciative messages on my machine….. yes the flowers were beautiful, and the thank you card brought tears to my eyes. And GUNNS I saw you falling all over yourself in the Seitzer interview to let me know, to let the world know just how thankful you are that Eddy Love, your hero would throw his weight behind the cause of getting your foot back in the door. Well GUNNS, I really don’t have time to say you’re welcome to every warm body whose career I’ve made in this business, so in lieu of thanks GUNNS, I’ll just say that one day I may need a favor from you, and that day may never come but if it does, *I WILL CALL ON YOU* so quit calling me, cause I don’t want to have to give up my 659-LOVE number because some workmate has become a stalking fan.
Then we have a man who thinks a pony tail and a half dozen bottles of Grecian Formula makes him less than 40 again. Jonathan Melton, I don’t doubt that you were 38 at one time, but that day was long ago. I suspect that you were in your prime, like back when that damn Hornet was in his prime. I ran you and your Corporation from this sport in my learning stages of my CSWA career, but Melton when fossils like you and Mark Windham, whose scalps I’ve had on my Legend Killer belt for years start showing up calling my name, well it hurts my credibility, and then in turn I hafta hurt you. Go back to the seniors circuit boys, before you get hurt, *again*.
Then we have the man, who decided it would make him famous if he laid his hands on my trainer….. Eli Fl…….
(The mic goes dead, Love looks surprised, the lights go off of him. CUE UP: Bob Dylan "Sweetheart Like You"…… Down the ramp walks Sweet Melissa. Tight White ruffled sun dress, no neck brace, slight cleavage and legs from …. Well you know where they reach. She enters the ring, Love and her share a long wet kiss which makes the fans a bit restless despite the fact they dress in the face locker room. Melissa takes the mic, and Love folds his arms behind her.)
M: For you people that don’t remember, my name is Sweet Melissa…… I’m the one who found Eddy Love…… I’m the one who hired Eddy Love ……… I’m the one that made him the greatest wrestler in the world ….. and Eddy Love works for me.
He will be the first to tell you that, and like any employer, when I have an employee that does outstanding work they get certain perks. I don’t mind if Eddy Love stays out dancing all night before he wrestles a CSWA main event…… I don’t mind if Eddy Love shacks up with some 18 year old that Troy puts him on, as long as Eddy doesn’t try to train like Troy. I don’t mind if Eddy Love wrestles a meaningless war to satisfy his ego while a bum that I despise like Steve Radder soils the belt that I made Eddy a household name by winning…… In fact the only real order I ever gave Eddy was, " you don’t go after Flair until I’m back." Because Eli I want to hear your neck crack myself, the same way you heard that table collapse. I want to hear you gasp your last breath, Flair, and in a way I’m glad Sunshine Del Pain in my Ass and Mark Windham saved you….. because now you know what’s coming, and my guess is Flair, you didn’t enjoy the appetizer on the suffering buffet I’ve set for you.
Eli you’ve had more success against me than anyone in the sport….. and you always did it as the man of the people for the people….. you were never a bad ass Flair…. And deciding to play one on TV next to Randles and Hornet have changed my and your game, Eli. I’ve taken the restraints off of my man Eli….. in fact, I’ve encouraged him…. no no I’ve begged Eddy Love to not only run you from our sport, but to allow me the privilege of spitting on your grave.
(Melissa drops the mic, and they exit the ring. FTB)
