'Ay Budday, What's This All Aboot?
(On a black background, the words: THIS PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL IS AIRED UNEDITED, SAVE FOR LANGUAGE, PER THE REQUEST OF STEVE RADDER, CS ENTERPRISE EMPLOYEE # 24601.)
(The shot fades in to STEVE RADDER standing in a gym, wearing a ridiculous costume involving a white-and-black tiger striped singlet, a similarly-printed cowboy hat, with complementing sunglasses. The background is devoid of anything aside from a wrestling ring over his shoulder.)
STEVE RADDER: Oooh yeah, JAaaaaayye, you're going DOWN! Steve Radder's going to pulllllverise you, man, right into the mat ...
(Radder's ranting at the camera, gesturing intensely at the camera, but looks down, the intense look on his face cracking, as he begins to chuckle, causing the workers in the area to bust up as well.)
(A brief BEEP sound is heard, and the screen goes black, with the words TAKE TWO written in block lettering.)
(Radder is in the same position, this time with a huge and gaudy mohawk wig, a stone-wash jean jacket with the arms torn off, black jeans, and no shirt)
STEVE RADDER: Man, come PRIMETIME, JA, Steve Radder is going to punk ... you ... out!
(Radder again bursts out into laughter, along with the rest of the crew.)
(BEEP! TAKE THREE.)
(Radder is now standing in the ring, hands on the ropes, tassled armbands on both biceps, neon-coloured face paint, bright pink tights, with matching tassled boots. He begins shaking the ropes violently.)
STEVE RADDER: THE GREAT KNIGHTS OF THE PLANET VALTRON ... HAVE IMBUED ME WITH THE POWER ... TO ... TO ...
(Radder again can't hold it together, shaking his head and turning away as he continues laughing.)
(BEEP! TAKE FOUR.)
(Steve Radder is wearing an open short-sleeved flower print shirt, a pair of Oakleys resting on top of his head, khaki shorts, and flip-flops.)
STEVE RADDER: Dude, JA-dude, man, I'm going to, you know, totally kick you around, like, in Denver, dude. You totally don't know, like, what's comin' to you, dude ...
(This time, Radder spots a worker hiding his mouth, trying not to laugh, which sends him over the edge.)
(BEEP! TAKE FIVE.)
(The scene opens with Steve Radder standing in the ring, with a bright blue boa over his shoulders, aviator sunglasses on, in his bright white boxer-briefs and nothing else. He starts laughing before any words come out of his mouth.)
(BEEP! TAKE SIX.)
(Radder is standing outside the ring in full Mountie regalia, the red jacket, light brown hat, black riding pants, with a fake moustache.)
STEVE RADDER: 'Ay! Budday! JA, eh? You better take off, you hoser, or I'll send you back through customs with a good whippin, eh?
(The off-camera men begin laughing again, and Radder shakes his head, tearing off the hat, throwing it away, and the fake moustache meets the same fate. He doesn't laugh this time, however.)
STEVE RADDER: Man, this is ridiculous! (Guffawing from the background.) I'm serious! JA, I've got to give it to you, you give a mean "stupid costume gimmick" promo. You've got me beat there. Steve Radder, he just can't meet you on that playing field, so one point for you, I suppose. Alright, so maybe you don't spend your time imagining me doin' my business on the toilet, and sure enough, maybe the silly costumers are at an end.
It might very well be that 27 is a fogey-ish, washed-up age to you, my friend, but Steve Radder's feeling it. Even though we're fighting at PRIMETIME, when it's time for us to fight, baby, it's Showtime. It always is when Radder's around. I'll be the one taking the butts out of the chairs, when I walk down to give you a beat-down, and when the ref raises my arm in victory and tells me I'm going on to fight one of the other two deaf-mutes involved in this tourney.
And sure enough, you're right. None of us got to this point by being pushovers. Some of us, though, are just better than the others - something that will be evident come PRIMETIME, when you find yourself staring up at me from your back. So get yourself ready, big boy, 'cause it's SHOWTIME. Oh, and before I forget ...
(Radder gives the camera a wink and a quick thumbs-up before turning his back on the camera, his shoulders shaking with laughter.)