jediPREZ
Shadowboss
This thread is reserved for Kooter Johnson's Jobber match as well as anyone that would like to see themselves appear on the show without a match thread.
CRASH 49: Kooter/General RP
- Thread starter jediPREZ
- Start date
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NotorisSTD
League Member
the other shoe drops
(CUTTO: Kooter Johnson, arms folded, scowling at the camera…in place of his garish superhero get-up, he’s now wearing plain old jeans and a white T-shirt in front of a NFW banner…)
JOHNSON: They told me I was boring. They told me there wasn’t a place for a pure wrestler, anymore, that there wasn’t really even a place for WRESTLING anymore. It was all about pizzazz, now. All about shock value and idiocy about time travel and drugs and mad scientists. Saturday morning cartoon show garbage for the emotionally and intellectually stunted.
That no matter how hard I worked, or how many wins I racked up…That I wasn’t going anywhere in this company unless I pretended to be something I’m not. And I believed them, because I was misguided.
And so I sat back and watched and did my job and said nothing while Joe the Plumber, an absolute disgrace to the human race, never mind the sport of professional wrestling, became world heavyweight champion. While a sex toy salesman with delusions of grandeur rose to prominence. While Felix Red, who really need to change his nickname to "the boy who destroyed his own career," a narcissist degenerate pampered scumbag, flailed around on god knows what drug of the day.
But at least I was collecting a paycheck, right? I could pay the mortgage, I could feed myself, and that’s no small feat for someone in this business. So I could sleep at night.
I’m ashamed of myself for that now.
Because I realized the sickness infecting professional wrestling, the sport I love and worked my whole life to be a part of, has also infected this entire country. The president is a socialist who admitted to being a cocaine addict, and thinks he can have tea parties with Arabs who want us all dead. The media is fixated on the drunken fumbling of talentless whores. More and more states are validating the unnatural coupling of queers by letting them wed. The streets of every city are brimming with murdering, drugging, whoring scum and everyone seems to think that’s a-okay.
The liberals and the degenerates have taken over. And I’ve been helping, by polluting our culture. But…not…for…another…second.
My path to redemption has begun. It ends when I’ve put all the vermin of NFW down, once and for all.
(FTB)
(CUTTO: Kooter Johnson, arms folded, scowling at the camera…in place of his garish superhero get-up, he’s now wearing plain old jeans and a white T-shirt in front of a NFW banner…)
JOHNSON: They told me I was boring. They told me there wasn’t a place for a pure wrestler, anymore, that there wasn’t really even a place for WRESTLING anymore. It was all about pizzazz, now. All about shock value and idiocy about time travel and drugs and mad scientists. Saturday morning cartoon show garbage for the emotionally and intellectually stunted.
That no matter how hard I worked, or how many wins I racked up…That I wasn’t going anywhere in this company unless I pretended to be something I’m not. And I believed them, because I was misguided.
And so I sat back and watched and did my job and said nothing while Joe the Plumber, an absolute disgrace to the human race, never mind the sport of professional wrestling, became world heavyweight champion. While a sex toy salesman with delusions of grandeur rose to prominence. While Felix Red, who really need to change his nickname to "the boy who destroyed his own career," a narcissist degenerate pampered scumbag, flailed around on god knows what drug of the day.
But at least I was collecting a paycheck, right? I could pay the mortgage, I could feed myself, and that’s no small feat for someone in this business. So I could sleep at night.
I’m ashamed of myself for that now.
Because I realized the sickness infecting professional wrestling, the sport I love and worked my whole life to be a part of, has also infected this entire country. The president is a socialist who admitted to being a cocaine addict, and thinks he can have tea parties with Arabs who want us all dead. The media is fixated on the drunken fumbling of talentless whores. More and more states are validating the unnatural coupling of queers by letting them wed. The streets of every city are brimming with murdering, drugging, whoring scum and everyone seems to think that’s a-okay.
The liberals and the degenerates have taken over. And I’ve been helping, by polluting our culture. But…not…for…another…second.
My path to redemption has begun. It ends when I’ve put all the vermin of NFW down, once and for all.
(FTB)
Dr Curiosity
League Member
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2004
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[FADEIN: We're in the Curious Laboratory. To be perfectly honest I can't remember which line of reality we're currently playing in, so let's just say that the lab is in pristine condition, and hasn't been destroyed at all by any explosions involving demonic beings. Good.
Doctor Curiosity is stood next to one of his work benches, looking at a beaker full of lurid green liquid. Eegor is nearby, looking sullen and, well, Eegor-ish.]
DC: I'm bored. I haven't done anything for a vhile.
[The doctor grabs some purple powder from a draw nearby and throws it into the beaker. Nothing happens.]
DC: I have not even tried to take over ze vorld, or show off a new invention lately. Am I, perhaps, having a mid-life crisis?
[Curiosity grabs another batch of powder, this time yellow in colour, and tosses it into the beaker. Nothing continues to happen.]
DC: Do I have to speak to my FREAKING SELF HERE, Eegor?
[This startles the doctor's assistant from his reverie.]
Eegor: Sorry, Master. How may I help?
[The doctor grabs more powder... where the hell does he get this stuff from? He throws it (grey, powder colour fans) into the beaker, and it starts, gently, to bubble.]
DC: I am bored.
Eegor: Maybe you should ask for a match?
DC: A match? Vhat? I have several burners on ze other bench. If zere is von tzing I am not short of, it is incendiary devices.
[Curiosity shakes his head and grabs more powder from wherever it is he's keeping the stuff. This one is a dark purple-green kinda thing. The liquid in the beaker is now looking slightly more like sludge. Dangerous sludge.]
Eegor: No, I mean a wrestling match. You've not been involved in any NFW shows for a while.
DC: NFW? Vhat is zat?
Eegor: NFW... the wrestling promotion?
DC: Never heard of it.
Eegor: Ummm... NFW? You participated in the Grand Prix? You fought loads of people, well, mostly Impulse and Felix Red, but you beat them all and won the tournament.
DC: Nein. Drawink a blank here.
Eegor: You fought in a cage match... went to hospital afterwards, haven't wrestled since, only turning up in a cast to attack Rook Black and laugh at him while I wrestled?
DC: Are you sure you're not thinking of somevon else?
[The doctor's assistant is exasperated.]
Eegor: There were two Impulses. You pulled off the Schrodinger's Smack using a chair. You pinned Felix Red and earned title shots at every title in the federation.
DC: I'm getting nothing.
Eegor: You pretended I had died from boredom after watching Impulse cut promos.
DC: Aaaah! Mental fed! Vhy didn't you say?
Eegor: Mental fed?
DC: Jah! Ze federation vhere everyone is freaking mental case!
[Eegor buries his head in his hands, as the doctor calmly takes some pink powder and adds it to the sludge.]
DC: Jah, mental fed. I should perhaps show up again there. Vhat has been happening in my absence?
Eegor: Well, Eddie Mayfield and Joe the Plumber have been...
DC: I don't actually care, you know?
Eegor: Oh.
DC: I vill find out everytzing I need to know vhen I get zere. Starting, perhaps, vith Rook Black.
Eegor: You still hate him?
DC: Hate is a strong vord, Eegor. I find detest to be even better.
Eegor: Any other plans?
DC: I have title shots coming out of my ears, Eegor. You should never know vhat to expect vith me... and just vhen it looks like I'm not doing anything, zat is vhen I am dangerous.
[The doctor gets up and walks out, but not before adding a dusting of metallic powder to the mixture. He exits the room, and Eegor stares at the beaker, which seems to be changing colour. It turns a strange form of red, and heat haze is visible around it.]
SFX: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
[FTB]
Doctor Curiosity is stood next to one of his work benches, looking at a beaker full of lurid green liquid. Eegor is nearby, looking sullen and, well, Eegor-ish.]
DC: I'm bored. I haven't done anything for a vhile.
[The doctor grabs some purple powder from a draw nearby and throws it into the beaker. Nothing happens.]
DC: I have not even tried to take over ze vorld, or show off a new invention lately. Am I, perhaps, having a mid-life crisis?
[Curiosity grabs another batch of powder, this time yellow in colour, and tosses it into the beaker. Nothing continues to happen.]
DC: Do I have to speak to my FREAKING SELF HERE, Eegor?
[This startles the doctor's assistant from his reverie.]
Eegor: Sorry, Master. How may I help?
[The doctor grabs more powder... where the hell does he get this stuff from? He throws it (grey, powder colour fans) into the beaker, and it starts, gently, to bubble.]
DC: I am bored.
Eegor: Maybe you should ask for a match?
DC: A match? Vhat? I have several burners on ze other bench. If zere is von tzing I am not short of, it is incendiary devices.
[Curiosity shakes his head and grabs more powder from wherever it is he's keeping the stuff. This one is a dark purple-green kinda thing. The liquid in the beaker is now looking slightly more like sludge. Dangerous sludge.]
Eegor: No, I mean a wrestling match. You've not been involved in any NFW shows for a while.
DC: NFW? Vhat is zat?
Eegor: NFW... the wrestling promotion?
DC: Never heard of it.
Eegor: Ummm... NFW? You participated in the Grand Prix? You fought loads of people, well, mostly Impulse and Felix Red, but you beat them all and won the tournament.
DC: Nein. Drawink a blank here.
Eegor: You fought in a cage match... went to hospital afterwards, haven't wrestled since, only turning up in a cast to attack Rook Black and laugh at him while I wrestled?
DC: Are you sure you're not thinking of somevon else?
[The doctor's assistant is exasperated.]
Eegor: There were two Impulses. You pulled off the Schrodinger's Smack using a chair. You pinned Felix Red and earned title shots at every title in the federation.
DC: I'm getting nothing.
Eegor: You pretended I had died from boredom after watching Impulse cut promos.
DC: Aaaah! Mental fed! Vhy didn't you say?
Eegor: Mental fed?
DC: Jah! Ze federation vhere everyone is freaking mental case!
[Eegor buries his head in his hands, as the doctor calmly takes some pink powder and adds it to the sludge.]
DC: Jah, mental fed. I should perhaps show up again there. Vhat has been happening in my absence?
Eegor: Well, Eddie Mayfield and Joe the Plumber have been...
DC: I don't actually care, you know?
Eegor: Oh.
DC: I vill find out everytzing I need to know vhen I get zere. Starting, perhaps, vith Rook Black.
Eegor: You still hate him?
DC: Hate is a strong vord, Eegor. I find detest to be even better.
Eegor: Any other plans?
DC: I have title shots coming out of my ears, Eegor. You should never know vhat to expect vith me... and just vhen it looks like I'm not doing anything, zat is vhen I am dangerous.
[The doctor gets up and walks out, but not before adding a dusting of metallic powder to the mixture. He exits the room, and Eegor stares at the beaker, which seems to be changing colour. It turns a strange form of red, and heat haze is visible around it.]
SFX: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
[FTB]
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