[FADE IN. A dismal, dingy room. There's a mattress over by one wall, and a creaky radiator on another, with the sound of rats, or cockroaches (or perhaps both) scurrying about. Water is dripping from the old radiator, as outside, police cars screech past, sirens on full, lights flashing. A word starts to pull through the scene, part of it, camouflaged like a chameleon so it's barely visible, except for part of one letter. "D", making it clearer to the intelligent and entertained viewer who this scene represents.
CUT TO: A gorgeous hotel room, with a luxurious double bed down the centre, the radiator working properly and behind a desk, a TV, mini-bar fridge, bedside unit, telephone on said unit... everything you'd expect in a five star hotel and more. Running water can be heard, but this time it's from the shower. As the camera pans round the room, taking in all its splendour, the shower stops, and seconds later, wearing a towel from the waist down, walks in a certain entertaining individual with something to say]
ME: How'd'ya like it? Much better than tha' other place, ain't it? Much more where ya'd expect ta see a true entertainer, a star of rock, pop, screen or wrestlin'. Especially before a so-called 'big debut' in a company tha's desperate for someone the fans'll tune in ta see. I just hope dear, dismal, disgusting Deuce ain't gonna bore the folks at home inta turning off their boxes, opening the curtains an' watchin' the rain fall down on their dull, boring lives.
Ya see, Deucie, tha folks at home wanna be entertained. They want a match tha's gonna make 'em think "Gee, those two look like they're gonna go far. Let's tune in again to see how they get on." They want the show to have the razzle, the dazzle, the glitz. They want ta see things outta the ordinary, in a good, tasteful way of course. They wanna see the good guy get the prize, and the bad guy go back to the drawin' board to cook up another scheme, ANYTHING ta get them tunin' in again next week.
Now, with me, you know the fans're gonna tune in again. But even tha most entertainin man on the PLANET can't get all tha viewers ta tune in on his own. So you've gotta do somethin' ta help. I know that's askin' a lot of ya, but I've prepared fer that. All you need ta do is...
Think.
Ya see, anything that's truly entertainin', anything that stays in the minds of the people, has some thought go inta it. Ya'll gotta think "What would I like ta see? What would entertain me and get me interested enough ta not want ta watch the damn grass grow?" Ya see, we need the viewers ta tune their little boxes called televisions in ta New ERA RAUCOUS on the fifteenth; otherwise we may as well not bother turnin' up. We ain't gonna even get paid. That doesn't matter ta me, seeing as how I could waltz inta any promotion out there, but to you, not gettin' that paycheque should mean a little. How're ya gonna keep Sorority or tha' nice little joint you got goin' without regular pay?
So do yerself a favour an' make sure you entertain the masses. Do what Shakespeare did, what Dickens did, what FRIENDS did. Get people wantin' ta see ya, wantin' more. Don't go off on tha' little crusade crap you seem ta have goin, cause that ain't entertainin'. Don't make me or tha people at home fall asleep. Even if it's the only chance you got of winning the damn match. Because it's all about thing
ENTERTAINMENT
[FADE OUT]
