P
Packschmid
Guest
(SFX: Shrill, piercing alarm sound, FADEIN: "INTRUDER ALERT!" flashing on the screen. CUTTO: GUNS standing in front of the MGM Tower of Terror, wearing a "Hot Property International" T-shirt and denim shorts.)
GUNS: So many people to talk to, so little time, even with Danny Ryan being kind enough to attempt to help out by cutting a promo on my behalf. You didn't do a half-bad job, kid. The volume was turned up a little too high, and I would lose the whole "I'm a tool" thing at the end, but otherwise, you've got a future in this business.
I guess we'll start with Mike Plett. I appreciate you giving me your take on what went down at Fish Fund, although I'll allow for the fact that your memory's probably fuzzy from all the Vicodin you had to take after the crippling pain of my Scorpion Deathlock put you into unconsciousness. See, there's your version - where you guys took care of the CSWA stars, yada yada, etc. And then there's the truth, where you did manage to run them off ever so briefly, and then they re-grouped and had the advantage until Eddie and Craig came down and cleared the ring for you. That's when I came down and the real fun began.
At On Time, I already said that you guys showed me something - you reminded me you were still here. And, Mike, your involvement just showed that you just don't ever get tired of getting your ass whipped by the Strongest Arms in the World. You'd think after Fish Fund, you would have decided to pick on someone your own size - like that midget that beat Joey Melton. But, apparently once a man goes GXW, his IQ drops by about 100 points. Frankly, Mike, I'm tired of kicking your ass - so I'll kick your fearless leader's ass on your behalf in Orlando. At least he might actually put up a bit of a fight.
Then, there's your other buddy Kenny. Kenny, I left my moron-to- English dictionary back home in San Antonio, so I'm not 100% sure what you're trying to do with the ten bucks. You want to buy a shot at the Greensboro Heavyweight title? That's cool. After I beat Mr. "Ego Buster" in Orlando, you can have a shot at me at On Time. Yeah, I know I promised some guy - Mike Goober, or something - a shot at the belt in Charleston, so it'll be a special Double Feature for the Strongest Arms in the World. I'll put the belt on the line twice in the same night, Kenny. I'll even let you go second, just to make it fair for you. Then, when that's over, it's three strikes and out for the GXW and we can all move on to bigger and better things. You guys can go back to your VFW Hall and wrestle each other in front of fifteen of your closest friends and relatives, and me, Eddie, and Craig will go on about our business of tearing this company apart.
That brings us to Areola Fuentes or whatever this dude's name is. Kid, I understand what you're trying to do - make a name for yourself by latching onto our heat. Hey, it's worth a shot. But when you start cracking un-funny gay jokes - you think you're the first genius to come up with the "BUNS" joke? - you put yourself in a very bad position. Eddie Mayfield will be glad to make you famous in Orlando, kid - just make sure you find someone who can pronounce your ridiculous name when they hit the Disney Morgue to identify the body.
Which brings me to, last but not least, our United States Heavyweight Champion himself, Shane Southern. Shane, from the bottom of my heart, I want to apologize for the little war of words that's been going on between you and Eddie as of late. Eddie's a little hot-headed sometimes, and quite frankly, he doesn't like you very much. (Grins.) But the thing you have to understand about Eddie is, he's a PROFESSIONAL, and whatever personal feelings he has toward you don't have a DAMN thing to do with business. I've been in the ring with you here, Shane, and I'm not ashamed to say that you beat me. (Smirks.) Sure, you had a little help, but at the end of the day - it was your foot on my chin. Just like it was your foot on Danny Boy's chin that got you that belt at Fish Fund.
Shane, I don't need to tell you what we're trying to accomplish here. It's been said more than enough times. And I see what you're trying to accomplish, Shane, and even an idealist like you can see it's a losing battle. You can stand in that ring and try to rally the troops for the cause, Shane, but the only cause anybody in the CSWA truly understands is every man for himself. Hornet and Triple X - they're not gonna get along. Eli Flair and Troy Windham - we've seen what those two men are capable of doing to each other. Lawrence Stanley? You think he's forgotten the knife Hornet stuck in his[/B] back? Shane, take one look at what went down in the main event at Fish Fund. Evan Aho was the World Heavyweight champion - and yet everybody and their grandmother came out to that ring to upstage him. Hornet, Eddy Love, Eli Flair, Joey Melton - Joey Melton, Shane - the man lost to a damn midget on Fish Fund and he[/B] got more run than Evan Aho in that main event. And then, the cherry on top, Troy Windham coming out after SIX MONTHS of inactivity, hitting the Slacknife, and instantly becoming "Mister CSWA" and #1 contender to big brother's newly won belt. Evan Aho went from World Champion to mid-card joke in the span of thirty minutes, Shane. Another flash-in-the-pan, another "future of the CSWA", down the tubes as his fifteen minutes of fame comes to an end.
Shane - the CSWA is an Old Boys Club, and you're not a member. You're the NFW Heavyweight Champion of the World - and you're wearing United States championship gold here - and that's as high as they'll EVER let you climb, Shane. On a level playing field, Shane, I'll come right out and say it - I don't think there's a man in the CSWA that you can't beat. (Grins.) But the CSWA has never been a level playing field, Shane - the deck is ALWAYS stacked in a given direction to give Merritt the result that he wants. It happened to Evan Aho at Fish Fund, Shane, and sooner or later, when you make the wrong move, it will happen to you.
Look around you, Shane - the CSWA isn't WORTH saving. The CSWA deserves the fate that we've got in mind for it. Eddie and Craig already have the Tag Team titles. I've got the coveted Greensboro Heavyweight title. And we're not stopping there, Shane. In Orlando, the Intruders will have the United States champion in our midst. It's just a matter of whether you want to do it the easy way - or the hard way.
Think about it, Shane. You're standing on the deck of a sinking ship, and we're offering you a lifeboat. You don't have to dance while the band keeps playing on the way down, Shane. You can get off the boat and play for the winning team.
The Party's Over for the CSWA, Shane. There's nothing you can do to stop it. You can either play a part in making it happen - or you can get buried under the rubble. Make the right choice, Shane. You won't regret it.
GUNS: So many people to talk to, so little time, even with Danny Ryan being kind enough to attempt to help out by cutting a promo on my behalf. You didn't do a half-bad job, kid. The volume was turned up a little too high, and I would lose the whole "I'm a tool" thing at the end, but otherwise, you've got a future in this business.
I guess we'll start with Mike Plett. I appreciate you giving me your take on what went down at Fish Fund, although I'll allow for the fact that your memory's probably fuzzy from all the Vicodin you had to take after the crippling pain of my Scorpion Deathlock put you into unconsciousness. See, there's your version - where you guys took care of the CSWA stars, yada yada, etc. And then there's the truth, where you did manage to run them off ever so briefly, and then they re-grouped and had the advantage until Eddie and Craig came down and cleared the ring for you. That's when I came down and the real fun began.
At On Time, I already said that you guys showed me something - you reminded me you were still here. And, Mike, your involvement just showed that you just don't ever get tired of getting your ass whipped by the Strongest Arms in the World. You'd think after Fish Fund, you would have decided to pick on someone your own size - like that midget that beat Joey Melton. But, apparently once a man goes GXW, his IQ drops by about 100 points. Frankly, Mike, I'm tired of kicking your ass - so I'll kick your fearless leader's ass on your behalf in Orlando. At least he might actually put up a bit of a fight.
Then, there's your other buddy Kenny. Kenny, I left my moron-to- English dictionary back home in San Antonio, so I'm not 100% sure what you're trying to do with the ten bucks. You want to buy a shot at the Greensboro Heavyweight title? That's cool. After I beat Mr. "Ego Buster" in Orlando, you can have a shot at me at On Time. Yeah, I know I promised some guy - Mike Goober, or something - a shot at the belt in Charleston, so it'll be a special Double Feature for the Strongest Arms in the World. I'll put the belt on the line twice in the same night, Kenny. I'll even let you go second, just to make it fair for you. Then, when that's over, it's three strikes and out for the GXW and we can all move on to bigger and better things. You guys can go back to your VFW Hall and wrestle each other in front of fifteen of your closest friends and relatives, and me, Eddie, and Craig will go on about our business of tearing this company apart.
That brings us to Areola Fuentes or whatever this dude's name is. Kid, I understand what you're trying to do - make a name for yourself by latching onto our heat. Hey, it's worth a shot. But when you start cracking un-funny gay jokes - you think you're the first genius to come up with the "BUNS" joke? - you put yourself in a very bad position. Eddie Mayfield will be glad to make you famous in Orlando, kid - just make sure you find someone who can pronounce your ridiculous name when they hit the Disney Morgue to identify the body.
Which brings me to, last but not least, our United States Heavyweight Champion himself, Shane Southern. Shane, from the bottom of my heart, I want to apologize for the little war of words that's been going on between you and Eddie as of late. Eddie's a little hot-headed sometimes, and quite frankly, he doesn't like you very much. (Grins.) But the thing you have to understand about Eddie is, he's a PROFESSIONAL, and whatever personal feelings he has toward you don't have a DAMN thing to do with business. I've been in the ring with you here, Shane, and I'm not ashamed to say that you beat me. (Smirks.) Sure, you had a little help, but at the end of the day - it was your foot on my chin. Just like it was your foot on Danny Boy's chin that got you that belt at Fish Fund.
Shane, I don't need to tell you what we're trying to accomplish here. It's been said more than enough times. And I see what you're trying to accomplish, Shane, and even an idealist like you can see it's a losing battle. You can stand in that ring and try to rally the troops for the cause, Shane, but the only cause anybody in the CSWA truly understands is every man for himself. Hornet and Triple X - they're not gonna get along. Eli Flair and Troy Windham - we've seen what those two men are capable of doing to each other. Lawrence Stanley? You think he's forgotten the knife Hornet stuck in his[/B] back? Shane, take one look at what went down in the main event at Fish Fund. Evan Aho was the World Heavyweight champion - and yet everybody and their grandmother came out to that ring to upstage him. Hornet, Eddy Love, Eli Flair, Joey Melton - Joey Melton, Shane - the man lost to a damn midget on Fish Fund and he[/B] got more run than Evan Aho in that main event. And then, the cherry on top, Troy Windham coming out after SIX MONTHS of inactivity, hitting the Slacknife, and instantly becoming "Mister CSWA" and #1 contender to big brother's newly won belt. Evan Aho went from World Champion to mid-card joke in the span of thirty minutes, Shane. Another flash-in-the-pan, another "future of the CSWA", down the tubes as his fifteen minutes of fame comes to an end.
Shane - the CSWA is an Old Boys Club, and you're not a member. You're the NFW Heavyweight Champion of the World - and you're wearing United States championship gold here - and that's as high as they'll EVER let you climb, Shane. On a level playing field, Shane, I'll come right out and say it - I don't think there's a man in the CSWA that you can't beat. (Grins.) But the CSWA has never been a level playing field, Shane - the deck is ALWAYS stacked in a given direction to give Merritt the result that he wants. It happened to Evan Aho at Fish Fund, Shane, and sooner or later, when you make the wrong move, it will happen to you.
Look around you, Shane - the CSWA isn't WORTH saving. The CSWA deserves the fate that we've got in mind for it. Eddie and Craig already have the Tag Team titles. I've got the coveted Greensboro Heavyweight title. And we're not stopping there, Shane. In Orlando, the Intruders will have the United States champion in our midst. It's just a matter of whether you want to do it the easy way - or the hard way.
Think about it, Shane. You're standing on the deck of a sinking ship, and we're offering you a lifeboat. You don't have to dance while the band keeps playing on the way down, Shane. You can get off the boat and play for the winning team.
The Party's Over for the CSWA, Shane. There's nothing you can do to stop it. You can either play a part in making it happen - or you can get buried under the rubble. Make the right choice, Shane. You won't regret it.