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Dueling Banjos


Pressure Chief
Jan 1, 2000
(FADEIN: To a mossy riverbank somewhere in the 'bayous' of 'New Orleans'. Low-hanging trees and stuff line the background, and a stuffed Aligator laying upside-down floats by in the foreground as we hear the melodic sounds of 'Dueling Banjos' playing in the background. The camera pans over to a figure resting under a tree, legs crossed, with a string tied to his toe leading into the water. The figure is wearing a straw hat, overalls with no shirt, chewing a shoot of a cat o' nine tails - the figure lifts up his hat to reveal himself as 'HOT PROPERTY' EDDIE MAYFIELD.)

MAYFIELD: <Real bad cajun accent> "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-EEEEEEEE! AH GAR-AUN-TEE! There's gonna be a WHOLE LOTTA WHOOPIN' goin on at Showtime, Chere - because Ah'm fixin' ta' kick tha' teef outta Craig Mahles and Eddah Mayfeelds' durn haids. And AFTER THAT? Crawdaddys an' Hurricanes at Pat O' Briens! An' there' all on me, chere! (EDDIE laughs at himself and jerks his foot, yanking a fake fish outta the water on his 'fishin' line')

"Ok, listen up. I don't have a lot of time here, because Hot Property Eddie Mayfield, the Cat's Meow, and Bonnie Mayfields' only son is a BUSY MAN. I don't have a lot of time to sit here and rant on Simply Stunning taking me out with a Tazer. Hey, I can't player hate, so hats off to you two twinks for taking a page outta Kevin Nashes playbook. <golf claps> I won't go on about that, because if you gotta go through all that to put the smoke to Hot Property, then you guys are REALLY in trouble. Yasee, somebody in the skybox in MerritWorld thinks it's funny to push the buttons of the PEE-ARE-OHS. They WANNA keep us down so we can keep cutting cutting edge promos and making the ladies cry. If they wanna hate on us, fine. As long as my <BLEEP!> check clears, I really don't give a s<BLEEP!> - but I think it's due time that the Pros take the tagteam title division and make it, Idunno ... GOOD. Southern and Aho? Dood, I don't sweat you two. Aho is as stiff as this right here... <pulls out a cardboard standup of Evan Aho with a toy CSWA belt on the shoulder, and throws it in the water> and like I said before - the CSWA title is mine whenever I feel like fitting it into my Franklin-Covey. Me and Craig Miles, the Shaq and Kobe Bryant of Professional Wrestling are ONCE AGAIN, put in the position of carrying this weak-assed league, and ONCE AGAIN, we will steal the show and run off with it. Since we're in Vegas, we might get it drunk on Zimas and Jack and Cokes, knock it up, and marry it while we're there. (Smirks) Chad Merritt - YOU will be responsible for the damage we do to the credibility of your world champion. Chad Merritt - YOU will HAVE to realize the idiocy of sticking your flagbearer in the ring with two doods who, yunno, CAN WORK THE MIC AND EXCITE THE CROWD, much UNLINKE EVAN AHO, and then you'll realize that you hitched your wagon to the wrong horse, once again. Hardy and Wilcox - I got a receipt for you two nancies. Aho and Southern? You two are just in our path. Those friggin' belts are coming home to the Pros, and we're sick of playin' the dumb games - (Dead serious) IT'S OVER AT SHOWTIME. The lame booking ENDS AT SHOWTIME. Shane? Just stay out of our way because you have NO place in it. Aho? Stay out of our way and we MAY not come after that world title of yours, and actually make you WORK for a damned change. Simply Stunning, Southern has a little phrase talking about a party that's nearing it's end - and nothing could be SO true, in regard to your lame-ass title reign, because it all ends at Showtime. Turn out the lights, and give up those belts. Don't be too upset - Prostitution is legal in Nevada - maybe you can turn some tricks to afford plane fare home after we turn your pockets inside-out. Vegas isn't called Sin City for nothing, because after the Pros are done with you guys? We're gonna be going in the confessional for an HOUR praying forgiveness for all the stuff we're gonna put on you. (Smirks)"


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