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EPW/NEW Wrestlestock 2007 - Night One - 7/16/07


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Night One

A drum beat echoes in the darkness, an unfamiliar but driving beat from a dark screen. Suddenly, faces emerge – a collage of faces all over the screen one by one highlighted as the downbeat hits…

“Triple X” Sean Stevens…

Mr. Entertainment…


“The Future” Rex Reynolds…

James Irish…



Bored of Edukashun…

Nakita Dahaka…

Frankie Scott…

Peter File…

Class Act…

Jason Payne…

Cameron Cruise…

The Proletariat…




Tina Davis…

Richard Farnswirth & Adam Benjamin, The Highland Park Social Club…

Karl “The Dragon” Brown & Foxx, side by side…

Cat’s Meow…

Karla Starr…

John Doe…

Then suddenly the beat picks up, double time…

Jonathan Marx…Joey Melton…The Phantom Republican…Rocko Daymon…Shawn Hart…”Queen of the Ring” Lindsay Troy…Jean Rabesque…

And finally…on one hard downbeat…a final shot of Dan Ryan, standing with his arms crossed next to Marcus Laroque, who smiles and glances over at Ryan before rubbing his hands together…

The faces on the screen all light up finally and we cut to the logo, baby…

(Yeah, if I could do this, that would rock. But hey, imagine a logo - a nice one. Sweet. When the show goes up on the website, you'll see it. Now go ahead and go to the next part of the show.)​
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Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Stalker gets an appetizer

[Scene fades in to backstage at Wrestlestock, Jason 'Stalker' Reeves is seen walking into his locker room with a duffle bag and street clothes on. Delroy Hawkins follows in behind him with a smirk on his face. The smirk quickly turns to a frown as he sees a basket of muffins sitting at the table in the middle of the room.]

Delroy: I know that punk didn't have the balls to send us a damn basket of muffins.

[Jason now stopped dead in his tracks stares at the basket, his eye suddenly going wild with anger.]

Delroy: Boss I hope that...

[Before Delroy can finish his sentence Jason slings his duffle bag across the room nailing the muffin basket sending it flying to the ground and muffins spilling out all over the floor. Delroy bursts out almost into a quick laugh but stops himself short.]

Stalker: This asshole is a dead man. After everything is said and done, Delroy......make sure there is an ambulance here for his body..... cause he is dead... DEAD!!

[Jason lets out a hellish scream in anger and stomps off to the back of the locker room into the shower area. Delroy walks over to the muffins and smiles to himself.]

Delroy: I did go.. I did go.. now he is truly ready for tonight's match. Kin's a dead man... and next in line is that ***** Rocko Daymon.



Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Stalker vs. Kin Hiroshi - Open Challenge Match

[BOOM!!! Pyro erupts and the crowd roars as we fade in on Dave Thomas, Dean Matthews and Mike Neely. On a split screen, we see Dean Julius, Nick Jive and Tom Gheorghe sitting at their own table, around the corner of the ring from the EPW crew.]

Dave Thomas: Hello ladies and gentlemen!! Welcome to Giants Stadium!! The weather is great, there’s an amazing capacity crowd on hand and this is Wrestlestock!! It is my distinct pleasure to introduce the usual EPW suspects….Dean Matthews and Mike Neely…

[Neely gives a short half salute.]

Dave Thomas: ..as well as the representatives from our NEW counterparts…Dean Julius, Nick Jive and Tom Gheorghe!!

Julius: We’re indeed very happy to be here, Dave! What a night for both companies with titles on the line and simply a showcase of the best each company has to offer!!

Dave Thomas: You’ve got that right…we’ll be switching off with the NEW guys throughout the night as our respective matches come up, but for right now…we’re gonna get this one underway with the debut of EPW’s own….Stalker….taking on wrestling superstar…the one and only Kin Hiroshi!!

[“Did My Time” by Korn blares over the PA as the arena goes to black.]

TF: Ladies and gentlemen… our FIRST match for tonight’s WRESTLESTOCK PAY PER VIEW EVENT is a special open challenge match set for one fall! INTRODUCING FIRST… hailing from parts unknown and weighing in 224 pounds… making his EMPIRE PRO WRESTLING DEBUT… PLEASE WELCOME… SSSSSSSTTAAAAAALLLLKEEEEERRRR!!!

[The lights come up and the crowd pops as Stalker steps through the entry-way in his regular street clothes, carrying a garbage can full of weapons in one arm. As he reaches the ring, he begins tossing random weapons into the ring before setting the garbage can to the side.]

MN: My God, the man brings a garbage can full of weapons to the ring… can he be any more of a stereotypical garbage wrestler?

DT: Stalker’s no stranger to the ring, but this is his first appearance in front of an EPW crowd. And on a night like WrestleStock, I bet he’s meaning to make a GREAT impression for this crowd!

MN: Meh… I’m sure he’ll be squashed as most faceless new guys are…

DM: I’m not particularly fond of his kind of wrestling—“garbage” wrestling, as Mike puts it, which isn’t too far from the truth, in my opinion. But I’ll give this guy the benefit of the doubt…

DT: This match is run under HIS rules, so he has a chance to show where his strengths lie to this audience…

MN: But he’s got one hell of an opponent to get through first!

[Stalker slides into the ring and sits in the corner. As he does, the ring lights go to black again. “Sigillum Diaboli” by H.I.M. plays over the PA, and the crowd EXPLODES as a highlight package of “The Muffin Man” Kin Hiroshi plays over the enormous StockTron hanging over the stage.]

TF: And his opponent… hailing from Tokyo, Japan and weighing in at 235 pounds… he is known as “THE MUFFIN MAN”… HE IS… KKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNN HHIIIIIIIRROOOOOOSSSHHHHIIIIIIII!!!!!!

[Hiroshi BOUNDS through the entry-way to a magnificent pyro, signaling ANOTHER massive crowd pop! Playing to the fans, who both love him and hate him, Hiroshi makes his way down the ramp.]

MN: Here he comes… the MUFFIN MAN!! Easily one of the most legendary figures in professional wrestling history!

DT: Stalker was the only man to come forward and accent Stalker’s open challenge… and he did it because, allegedly, an Empire Pro Pay Per View event wouldn’t be a spectacle without him!

DM: Can you sit there and say he’s wrong, Dave? Love him or hate him, Hiroshi knows how to wrangle an audience.

[Hiroshi rolls into the ring and eyes the weapons somewhat smugly as he rises to his feet.]

DT: These two have had quite a war of words over the weeks preceding the event… and I’m sure both of them are VERY eager to settle the matter of who the better man is!

MN: I hope Hiroshi kicks his teeth in and makes him run from this arena crying!

[The referee makes the final checks and cues the bell.]

DT: The bell rings… and WRESTLESTOCK is OFFICIALLY underway!

MN: Yippee!!

DT: Looks like Stalker’s starting this off by wielding a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. This guy seems to want to get straight to the point, but Hiroshi is wisely keeping his distance…

DM: Stalker steps in for a swing… but Hiroshi nimbly circles around to the other side of the ring! He obviously doesn’t want that bat to end up going into his head.

DT: Being more of a standard professional wrestler, I think it’s safe to say that Hiroshi is out of his element in this match… and he knows it.

MN: Not that any of that’ll matter to the Muffin Man. He’ll find a way…

DM: Stalker advances with the bat again… but Hiroshi QUICKLY moves around to the far corner, shaking his head to his opponent!

DT: Hiroshi’s playing keep away until he can think of a strategy…

[The crowd, growing anxious and ready to see some action, begins to boo and throw trash toward the ring.]

DT: He’s GOT to do something soon! These fans came to see some ACTION!

MN: Give the man time, Dave!

DM: He obviously didn’t expect this “hardcore” freak to come in swinging illegal objects around like any hack of his kind…

DT: Now Stalker’s getting frustrated… he steps in for a BIG SWING—but Hiroshi rolls out of the way, and his hands find a KENDO STICK! Stalker spins around and goes for an overhead smash—but Hiroshi brings the Kendo stick up over his head and blocks the attack!

DM: Hiroshi back on his feet… Stalker goes for another swing, but Hiroshi PARRIES and lands a shot with that Kendo stick across his opponent’s shoulder! Stalker winces in pain, and Hiroshi follows up with a shot across the back! ANOTHER across the back of Stalker’s head puts him to the mat!

MN: Yep… this one looks like it’s already in the bag. Already, we can see Hiroshi dominating the match.

DM: It’s barely started, Mike.

MN: And it will be over very soon. So much for this “new talent” in Stalker. I guess the guy should go back to the gym and learn how to wrestle…

DT: Hiroshi getting behind Stalker, and brings the Kendo stick across his neck to CHOKE HIM—but STALKER COUNTERS by leaning forward and dumping Hiroshi over his shoulder! Stalker takes hold of the Kendo stick and WRESTLES it out of Hiroshi’s hands, and before he can react, BLASTS the Muffin Man over the face with his own weapon!

MN: Oh, now what the hell is this?!

DM: Stalker follows up with a SECOND while Hiroshi is down! And a THIRD! A FOURTH! My God, this man is relentless!!

DT: Now Stalker gets Hiroshi back to his feet… stands at his side and holds the stick over his chest—AND DROPS HIM with a Russian Legsweep using that Kendo stick for leverage!

[Crowd cheers!]

DM: Looks like the new guy knows how to wrestle after all! Now he’s tossing the Kendo stick aside and going for a steel chair! He sets it up in the middle of the ring, and now he’s picking Hiroshi up onto his feet…

DT: What’s he got planned here? Stalker takes Hiroshi by the arm, and whips him into the ropes… and hits him with a DROP TOE HOLD ONTO THE CHAIR!! MY GOD!!

DM: There’s a hardcore favorite…

MN: *cough-cough*RIP-OFF!!*cough-cough*

DT: Stalker hooks the leg for the cover!

One! Two! NO!! Hiroshi kicks out!

MN: It’s gonna take more than that to put the Muffin Man down!

DT: Stalker back on his feet, and now he picks up the chair and waits for Hiroshi to rise! Hiroshi slowly gets back up with his back to his opponent… Stalker waits for him to turn around, and steps in for a CHAIRSHOT—

DM: BUT HIROSHI DUCKS!! Stalker spins around—AND HIROSHI CATCHES HIM WITH A HEEL KICK INTO THE CHAIR!! The chair SMASHES Stalker’s face, sending him to the mat!

DT: Hiroshi back on his feet… runs to the ropes before his opponent can recover… and goes AIRBORNE with a MAGNIFICIENT Asai Moonsault that hits Stalker across the chest!

Hiroshi goes for the quick cover! One! Two! But Stalker kicks out!

DM: The new guy is still showing strong, in spite of being caught off guard by Hiroshi’s speed.

MN: That’s what makes the Muffin Man superior to most.

DT: Hiroshi brings Stalker to his feet and hooks him for a Snap Suplex… but Stalker stands his ground and tosses Hiroshi back-first to the mat! Stalker capitalizes with a BOOT to Hiroshi’s chest to keep him on the ground!

DM: Now he’s going for that garbage can he brought to the ring! Stalker sets it up on the ground… but Hiroshi’s back on his feet using the ropes and waiting for him to turn around!

DT: Stalker turns, and Hiroshi comes RUNNING AT HIM—but STALKER catches him with a POWERSLAM into that steel garbage can! He nearly FLATTENED it upon impact!

MN: This whole “hardcore” thing is ridiculous! Kin Hiroshi is a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER!

DM: All the same, he agreed to be in this match…

DT: Stalker is in control. He picks up the garbage can and sets it standing in the corner! Now he’s lifting Hiroshi off the mat and onto his shoulder… and deposits him into the garbage can! What’s he got going on now?

DM: I don’t know what he’s thinking, but Hiroshi is immobile while being stuck head-first in that trash can! His legs can be seen coming out of the top, but… wait a minute, Stalker’s moving to the opposite corner! He runs in!


MN: This is ATROCIOUS!! I can’t stand seeing Hiroshi being ravaged by that bum!

DT: Now Stalker is dragging Hiroshi out of that trash can, and he’s going for a Yield sign!

MN: The Yield sign is SO less cooler than the Stop sign…

DM: Stalker’s waiting for Hiroshi to get to his feet… and Hiroshi makes it to his knees, looking groggy after that last hit! Stalker steps in with the Yield sign held over head… and brings it CRASHING DOWN onto Kin Hiroshi’s head!

DT: MY GOD!! Say what you want about hardcore wrestling, whether you like it or not… this Stalker sure knows how to get down and dirty when he needs to!

DM: Maybe that can give him the edge against an accomplished professional wrestler like Hiroshi.

MN: Hey hey… NOBODY gets the edge over Hiroshi!

DT: Stalker sets the sign down into the middle of the mat, and now he’s bringing Hiroshi to his feet! He brings him toward the sign and sets him up for an EVENFLOW DDT—BUT HIROSHI COUNTERS with a Northern Lights Suplex out of nowhere!

DM: The Muffin Man saved himself on that one. I don’t think he would have gotten up from a straight DDT on top of that steel sign…

MN: You doubt the Muffin Man, Dean?

DM: Dare I?

DT: Stalker back on his feet, and finds Hiroshi catching a breather at the ropes… Stalker runs after him, but Hiroshi counters with a BACK BODY DROP that sends his opponent CRASHING down to ringside!

DM: Stalker on his back, dazed, but not too hurt… he gets to his feet and dusts himself off, but Hiroshi, back in the ring, hits the other set of ropes for momentum… and comes GLIDING THROUGH THE AIR OVER THE ROPES WITH A CORKSCREW PLANCHA THAT COMES CRASHING DOWN ONTO STALKER!!

[Crowd POPS!!]

DT: WHAT an impressive aerial procedure!

MN: Hiroshi does stuff like THAT out of habit!

DT: Hiroshi slowly gets back to his feet, and Stalker is lying on the ground dazed. Hiroshi comes up to the ring apron, and now he’s waiting for his opponent to rise. Stalker slowly gets up… turns around, and Hiroshi comes running along the apron and BLASTS him with a Missile Dropkick to the face!!

DM: Hiroshi is sticking to his guns and keeping Stalker winded with a series of quick and relentless strikes. Now he brings Stalker to his feet, and takes him by the arm. There’s the WHIP—

DT: BUT STALKER REVERSES, and sends Hiroshi CRASHING into the steel steps!!


DM: Apparently, Stalker is going to allow himself to be winded. Hiroshi put on a lot of pressure, but the new guy can handle pain surprisingly well!

DT: Now Stalker is in control with Hiroshi stunned… he takes him by the head, and rams him HEAD FIRST into the steel pole at the corner of the ring! Stalker hooks him from behind and NAILS him with a Side Russian Legsweep into the ring apron!

DM: Stalker knows how to use the environment to his advantage… I’ll give him that much.

DT: Stalker takes Hiroshi by the head and SCRAPES HIS FACE across the edge of the ring! He follows up with a HIP TOSS that puts the Muffin Man on his back! And now he’s reaching under the ring… and he pulls out a pair of light tubes!

MN: Now who in the HELL was dumb enough to keep those under the ring for that maniac to get to?!

DT: Stalker has one in hand, held like a baseball bat, and he patiently waits for Hiroshi to get to his feet. Hiroshi turns around… and OH MY GOD, STALKER JUST NAILED HIM OVER THE FACE WITH THAT FLOURESCENT TUBE LIGHT!! How UNBELIEVABLY brutal!

DM: And now he’s got another one at his disposal! Stalker props Hiroshi against his knee, and now he’s CHOKING HIM with the other light tube!

DT: Hiroshi’s in a pretty bad position… I can see by his face that he already seems to be losing consciousness!

MN: Come on, Hiroshi, this guy is beating you with a LIGHT BULB!!

DT: OH WAIT!! Hiroshi’s fighting back! He’s made back onto his feet, but Stalker continues to keep that long light tube pressed up against his neck! But Hiroshi PUSHES HIS WEIGHT FORWARD and dumps Stalker on the floor at his feet… and SMASHES THE LIGHT TUBE OVER HIS HEAD!!

DM: An eye for an eye, and Hiroshi looks to be in control again! Now he’s picking up an electrical cable used by the camera crew at ringside… and wrapping it around Stalker’s throat! He’s choking the life out of HIM now!!

MN: THAT’S RIGHT!! Fight fire with fire, Muffin Man!

DT: Hiroshi’s tying that cable around Stalker’s throat like a noose! Now he gives it some slack… and WHIPS STALKER AROUND FACE-FIRST INTO THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!!

DM: Looks like Hiroshi can be a little hardcore himself… Hiroshi, now, taking the extra slack from that electric cable and WHIPPING STALKER ACROSS THE BACK!! My God, it’s like being lashed with a LEATHER WHIP!!

DT: Stalker’s taking a beating… but he suddenly turns around and CATCHES THE CABLE with his FOREARM—AND DRAGS HIROSHI STRAIGHT INTO A FALLAWAY SLAM OVER THE GUARDRAIL!!

[Crowd pop!]

DM: Looks like this match is spilling into the crowd…

DT: Hiroshi looks stunned, but he’s back on his feet… and he turns around just in time to see Stalker perched on the guardrail, WHO LEAPS OFF AND NEARLY DECAPITATES HIM WITH A FLYING LARIAT!! And now… I can’t see them, as the fans surround them!

MN: Somebody get another damn camera crew over there!!

[We cut to a shot from another camera, revealing security guards pulling back the fans and keeping them at bay. We find Stalker straddled over Kin Hiroshi’s chest, laying into him with a series of heavy rights!]

DT: And Stalker is back on top and laying in the hurt!

DM: Now he pulls off and disappears into the audience… where the hell is he going? Hiroshi gets to his hands and knees to catch a breather… but Stalker reappears, and he’s got the POPCORN VENDOR’S TRAY IN HIS HANDS!!

DT: OOH!! STALKER BRINGS IT DOWN ON HIROSHI’S BACK, and the tray EXPLODES into popcorn and splinters!

MN: He didn’t even pay the $2.50 for that popcorn! Granted, neither would I, knowing how the front office overprices everything…

DM: Stalker is in full control now… he lifts Hiroshi off the floor… hooks him around the waist… and BLASTS HIM WITH A SNAP POWERBOMB ONTO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!

DT: MY GOD, he could’ve easily BROKEN HIS BACK or SNAPPED HIS NECK with that move!! Stalker falls on top for the cover!



NO!! Hiroshi with the kick-out…

DM: Stalker’s back on his feet, and bringing Hiroshi up with him… and Stalker lifts him up to his shoulders going for the SAMOAN DROP—but Hiroshi SLIPS DOWN HIS BACK and shoves him away!

DT: Hiroshi reaches for a nearby fan and rips something out of his hand, as Stalker comes running back… and Hiroshi THROWS—a GIANT FOAM FINGER?!

[Stalker comes to a stop as the foam finger harmlessly bounces off his face. His momentary surprise, however, gives Hiroshi the opportunity to bolt forward like lightning!]


DM: Looks like Hiroshi was just reaching for the first thing his hands could find when he plucked that giant foam finger off the fan… but the momentary distraction was all he needed.

MN: You make it sound like that was just a chance of luck, Dean. That wasn’t luck. That was a calculated plan that Hiroshi pulled off PERFECTLY!!

DM: Whatever, Mike…

DT: Both men have been brawling DEEP into the ringside area… and now Hiroshi, with Stalker’s hair in his hand, is leading his opponent toward one of the entry-way gates. Looks like security has thankfully closed it off from traffic for the safety of the fans…

DM: Hiroshi with Stalker by the head… rams him HEAD-FIRST into the brick wall of the entry tunnel! Hiroshi spins him around and measures him up… and proceeds to BLAST HIM WITH A QUICK SERIES OF KICKS TO THE CHEST AND FACE USING HIS RIGHT LEG!! Stalker gets sent to the floor… Dave, how many kicks was that?

DT: About eight, Dean. To strike that quick and powerful is quite impressive.

MN: I counted 43. They were just too fast for you guys to see.

DT: Hiroshi takes Stalker by the arm, and there’s the IRISH WHIP down the tunnel, and Stalker disappears around the corner! Hiroshi goes back to follow and… can we get another camera crew back there or something?

DM: This match is spilling all over the place, it seems…

[We cut to a new angle showing Hiroshi coming around the corner, and suddenly Stalker darts into the frame wielding FIRE EXTINGUISHER!]


DM: Must’ve pulled it off the wall. I don’t think Hiroshi saw that coming…

[Stalker brings Hiroshi back off the mat and snapmares him toward a merch display that includes a wooden table bearing stickers and other objects, and a large backdrop displaying different sizes of t-shirts.]

DT: Both men are now fighting in front of the EPW merchandise table… Stalker brings Kin Hiroshi back off the floor, and DROPS HIM AGAIN with a Scoop Slam! Stalker turns toward the merchandise booth, and reaches down under the table… oh my God, what does he have?

[The crowd lets out a collective “EEEWWWW!!” noise.]

MN: THAT’S A BEAU MICHAELS ACTION FIGURE!!! And it’s a two-in-one, if you catch my drift…

DM: Please tell me Stalker can find some OTHER function for it…

DT: And Stalker BLASTS Kin Hiroshi across the face with that Beau Michaels action figure! My God, is that thing VIBRATING?!

[In disgust, Stalker tosses the action figure aside and reaches under the table again. He picks up an unmarked cardboard box and shakes it near his ear. The jangle of metal can be heard within.]

DT: Oh no, what does he have now?

DM: Stalker rips the box open and dumps its contents over the table… and it’s a bunch of EPW PIN BUTTONS!!

MN: Cheap as hell, but sold at two bucks a pop, no doubt.


[Crowd POPS!!]


DT: Stalker with the cover…




MN: Like I said, the Muffin Man can put up with ANYTHING thrown his way… including garbage wrestling.

[Stalker slaps the ground in frustration and picks Hiroshi back off the ground, locking his head under his arm. Hiroshi’s back reveals numerous metal buttons sticking out of it, bearing the “EPW” logo!]


DM: At least he’s showing his EPW spirit…

MN: Shut up, Dean! He’s gonna need TETNUS shots now!!

DT: Stalker has Hiroshi ready for a suplex… and LIFTS HIM UP—but HIROSHI stalls his weight, and COMES DOWN BRINGING STALKER INTO A TORNADO DDT INTO A PILE OF CARDBOARD BOXES!!

[With a moment to himself, Hiroshi angrily pulls the buttons out of his back.]

DT: Hiroshi back in control… he lifts Stalker out of that pile of boxed merchandise, and… it looks like a t-shirt has lodged itself over Stalker’s head!

[Hiroshi brings Stalker to his feet, turns him around, and pulls back for a big right hand… and suddenly hesitates when he notices that the shirt pulled over his opponent’s face is one bearing the face of “The Queen of the Ring” Lindsay Troy. The crowd EXPLODES!!]

Hiroshi: Ah… I can’t destroy something so beautiful.

DT: AND HIROSHI SETTLES FOR A SIDEKICK TO THE MID-SECTION that knocks Stalker THROUGH the merchandise backdrop!!

DM: Hiroshi follows after him through the hole in the backdrop… and he meets Stalker rising to his feet. He takes him by the hair, and TOSSES HIM INTO A SET OF DOUBLE-DOORS—and this match spills out into the PARKING LOT area!

DT: Looks like they’re going into the loading bay area… can we get another camera back there?

[Cut to a part in the parking lot area where the trucks that normally carry ring and stage equipment are currently parked. We find Hiroshi leading Stalker by the hair toward a trailer.]

DT: Hiroshi in control, looking to put Stalker’s face into that steel trailer—but STALKER GETS A FOOT UP, and instead, he shoves HIROSHI face-first into the trailer! Stalker quickly bends forward and lifts Hiroshi up for a SAMOAN DROP, AND SLAMS HIM DOWN TO THE CONCRETE FLOOR!!

DM: Things can only get ugly from here on out. Both men have fought their way from the ring to the parking lot… they’re beaten, they’re bruised, and NEITHER is showing signs of weakening!

MN: LIAR!! Look at how DRAINED Stalker looks…

DM: Yes, he certainly looks “drained” as he peels Hiroshi off the mat… takes him by the arm… and WHIPS HIM INTO TRACTOR TRAILER!!

MN: Bah…

DT: Stalker keeps hold of the arm, and WHIPS HIROSHI INTO ANOTHER NEARBY TRAILER!! Hiroshi is being bounced between them like a pinball!

DM: Stalker brings him in as they come around the end of a trailer… sets up into a SUPLEX position, and NAILS HIROSHI WITH A SCREWDRIVER INTO THE ASPHALT!!!

DT: Hiroshi is taking BRUTAL punishment now that Stalker has him in an environment he’s more familiar with…

MN: That’s bullcrap, Dave. Hiroshi’s just rope-a-doping until this garbage wrestler gives him an opening…

DT: Stalker hooks the leg for a cover!



THREE—OH NO, Hiroshi kicks out at the last second!

DM: That was a close one, Mike… you sure he’s just playing possum?

MN: Uhh… look, it’s a well-known fact that Hiroshi is just as good a SHOWMAN as he is an athlete! He’s just giving the match a little dramatic flavor. You know, to keep fans from being bored to tears while “Hardcore Hack” does his thing…

DT: Stalker has Hiroshi back to his feet and brings him to the back-end of a trailer, where the doors are open! Stalker lifts Hiroshi up and sets him face-up into the bed of the trailer, but leaves his head hanging off the edge!

DM: What’s he got planned here?

MN: Uh-oh!


DM: Stalker is in full control… and he sets Hiroshi up again, laying face-up in the trailer with his head hanging out! And now he climbs in, looking for a SECOND leg-drop!

DT: And Stalker JUMPS OFF—AND HIROSHI SITS UP JUST IN TIME, causing Stalker to HIT the asphalt, ass-FIRST!

[Crowd OOOHS!!]

MN: WOO-HOO!! And that was clever play on words, Dave.

DT: Stalker reacts in AGONY and painfully gets to his feet… and he turns to the open bed of the trailer JUST IN TIME to see Kin Hiroshi BLAST HIM IN THE FACE WITH A RUNNING DROPKICK FROM INSIDE THE TRAILER!!

DM: The Muffin Man comes back SWINGING!!

DT: Both men rise at the same time… and Hiroshi goes for a standing side-kick—which Stalker CATCHES—and HIROSHI FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH THE ENZIGURI!!

DM: Hiroshi’s in full control, but DAMN did he take a beating!

MN: His tank is barely at the halfway point, Dean. Whereas Stalker looks like he’s already out of gas…

DT: Hiroshi grabs a handful of Stalker’s hair and drags him to his feet… and now it looks like he’s leading him to a set of doors that lead BACK into the arena!

DM: The Muffin Man knows he’s out of his element, so he’s taking this fight back to familiar grounds.

DT: Hiroshi WHIPS Stalker into the doors by the hair… and Stalker falls into the KITCHEN!!

[Hiroshi enters, quickly followed by the camera crew. We can see the kitchen staff looking to the action in alarm, and they quickly move clear of the brawl.]

DM: Well, so much for “familiar grounds”.

DT: Looks like Hiroshi will take what he can get… he takes Stalker by the head and DRIVES HIM FACE-FIRST into the row of refrigerators on the near wall! Hiroshi follows up by slipping Stalker’s head under his arm… and delivers a FLOWING REVERSE SUPLEX, dropping Stalker on the PREP TABLE!!

MN: Time to see what “Iron Chef” Kin Hiroshi can cook up today!

DT: There’re already a lot of food ingredients and kitchen ware on the table… and Hiroshi starts off by taking a handful of minced onions and RUBBING IT INTO STALKER’S EYES!!

MN: That’s just there to add flavor…

DM: It looks damn painful if you ask me… but now Hiroshi reaches for a PIZZA CUTTER!! MY GOD, HE ROLLS IT ACROSS STALKER’S FACE, DIGGING DEEP INTO HIS FOREHEAD!!

MN: That’s not blood. It’s spaghetti sauce.

DT: Hiroshi nabs a pinch of salt… and RUBS IT INTO THE OPEN WOUND!!

DM: That’s INHUMAN!!

MN: It gives it FLAVOR, Dean! This is the best Stalker’s EVER looked, I bet!

DT: Hiroshi goes for the… my God, he just picked up the CHEESE GRATER!!

DM: JESUS CHRIST, Kin Hiroshi just GRINDS that cheese grater across Stalker’s face!!

MN: Stalker a la Hiroshi!

DT: Hiroshi clears off the table… and now he’s climbing up! Oh no, what’s he got planned now?

DM: Hiroshi gets Stalker back to his feet… hooks him, and delivers a FISHERMAN SUPLEX OFF OF THE PREP TABLE!!

MN: This one’s OVER!!

DT: The Muffin Man bridges for a cover!





DM: HOW is Stalker still kicking and breathing after all that punishment?

DT: I gotta say, I’m really surprised with Stalker’s debut performance! Hiroshi is giving him EVERYTHING that isn’t nailed down, and he’s STILL coming back for more!

MN: The fool just doesn’t know when to stay down. Doesn’t he know that Hiroshi is practically MAKING his entire EPW CAREER in this single match?

DT: Hiroshi is looking frustrated now as he turns and opens a cupboard… and he’s got hold of a ROLLING PIN! He waits patiently as Stalker SLOWLY pushes himself to his feet… and BLASTS HIM OVER THE FACE the minute he’s off his knees! Stalker hits the floor again…

DM: …and once again, he slowly pushes himself up to his feet! This guy’s got SPIRIT, I’ll give him that much!

DT: Now Hiroshi grabs hold of a FRYING PAN!!

MN: Rather appropriate when dealing with a Looney Toon like Stalker…

DT: Stalker slowly back onto his feet… and Hiroshi BLASTS HIM OVER THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THAT FRYING PAN!! And Stalker drops to his knees this time!!

DM: I’m surprised he didn’t go down! Stalker just looks BEAT but… he STILL pushes himself to his feet!

MN: Un-freaking-believable…

DT: Stalker’s using the counter for support as he slowly inches his way away from Hiroshi… but the Muffin Man has other things in mind, as this time he picks up a CROCK POT!!

DM: Man, that thing looks heavy… and Hiroshi lifts it up over his head, and DROPS IT OVER STALKER’S BACK!! MY GOD, that looked painful…

DT: BUT STALKER’S STILL ON HIS FEET!! He’s just soaking it all up… and eventually, he’s going to snap!

MN: Not if the Muffin Man has any say in it! Watch, next he’ll grab the kitchen sink!

DT: Stalker’s starting to tense up as he gains his second wind… but Hiroshi grabs a hose out of a nearby rinsing sink, and proceeds to wrap it around Stalker’s throat! My God, he’s going to choke the LIFE out of him!

MN: Serves him right! He should have stayed down when he KNEW it was over!!

DM: Stalker’s light is fading fast… but what’s he reaching for over there on the stovetop? Did somebody leave CHILI on the burner!?

DT: Stalker grabs hold of the sauce pan… and TOSSES THAT SCALDING CHILI INTO KIN HIROSHI’S FACE!!

MN: NO!! CHILI!! The Muffin Man’s ultimate weakness! How did that jobber KNOW?!

[Crowd POPS!! Hiroshi releases the hose and turns to the camera, frantically clawing at his face as he ROARS in pain!]

DT: Doesn’t look like there’s any permanent damage, but Hiroshi is PISSED! He turns around, and Stalker has a cookie sheet—no, a MUFFIN SHEET!! AND STALKER JUST PASTES KIN HIROSHI OVER THE HEAD WITH THAT MUFFIN SHEET!!

[Crowd EXPLODES!!]

MN: WHAAAAT?! You can’t hit the MUFFIN MAN with his OWN KITCHEN UTENSIL!!

DM: Hiroshi is reeling on his feet… and Stalker takes him by the arm, and DUMPS IT INTO THE DEEP FRYER!! JESUS CHRIST, HE’S GOING TO TURN HIS HAND INTO A FRENCH FRY!!

DT: Stalker reaches around his head… and RUSSIAN LEGSWEEPS HIM TO THE FLOOR!! Keeps the hold locked in, and brings Hiroshi to his feet… a SECOND RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!!

DM: Up for a THIRD!! And he HAMMERS Hiroshi with full force on that last one!!

MN: This… this can’t be HAPPENING! It’s supposed to be OVER by now!

DT: Stalker drags Hiroshi over to the oven and opens the door… and sets Hiroshi’s head inside… and PROCEEDS TO SLAM THE DOOR ON HIS HEAD!! ONCE!! TWICE!! THREE TIMES!! FOUR!! MY GOD, HE WON’T STOP!!

DM: FINALLY, the door BREAKS off… and now Stalker uses it OVER HIROSHI’S BACK!!

DT: I’m surprised to see that Stalker is still in this match… and now, beyond ALL belief, he’s once again in full control, taking Kin Hiroshi to his very limit!!

DM: Now Stalker is getting Hiroshi back onto his feet… and it looks like he’s leading him over to a catering cart! Stalker takes Hiroshi by the neck… lifts him up and CHOKESLAMS HIM ON TOP OF THE CART!!

DT: Stalker gets behind the cart and gives it a HARD SHOVE… and it goes rolling into an OPEN SERVICE ELEVATOR!! And Stalker goes lunging in after him just as the doors close!

MN: DAMNIT!! What the hell is going on in there?!

DM: Up to the second floor! Come on, camera man! Get your fat ass in gear!

[The camera, frantically shaking, leads through a door to the side, up a quick flight of stairs, and bursts into the second floor hallway as the elevator doors come sliding open…]

DT: And the catering cart comes rolling out with Hiroshi and Stalker BRAWLING ON TOP!!

DM: Hiroshi catches Stalker off guard with a GOUGE TO THE EYE, and knocks him to the floor! Hiroshi comes to his feet on the cart as Stalker slowly rises… and Hiroshi jumps off and catches his opponent with a FLYING LEG LARIAT!!

MN: FINALLY, my man is fighting back!!

DT: Hiroshi jumps up onto the cart again, looking for a moonsault… but Stalker kicks the cart out from under him and he goes TOPPLING to the floor!


DM: Stalker brings Hiroshi back onto his feet and puts him up against the wall… and proceeds to lay into his mid-section with a SERIES OF BODY BLOWS!! Hiroshi looks WINDED!!

DT: He’s in trouble now, as Stalker takes him by the back of the head and runs him HEAD-FIRST through a set of double doors! What room is this fight spilling into now?

DM: It’s the VIP room! That’s where the events more esteemed and high-class guests lounge and watch the show.

MN: Oh, what, WE’RE not high-class?! What the hell…

[The camera follows Stalker into the room where a group of men in suits come to their feet and watch the fight from where they are. Behind them is a big-screen TV showing the exact same image. Two men stand prominently ahead of the crowd.]

DT: Wait a minute, that’s ELI MANNING from the New York Giants and CHAD PENNINGTON from the New York Jets!! They’re hometown quarterbacks!

[TREMENDOUS POP from the crowd!!]

MN: Great… we’re down here with these smelly fans, and those two HACKS are up there in the VIP room!

DM: And they’re getting a first-hand look at the action between Stalker and Kin Hiroshi! Stalker’s still in command… Stalker takes Hiroshi by the head… twists him around… and DROPS HIM WITH A NECKBREAKER!!

DT: I don’t know how much more punishment Hiroshi can take! Stalker is now going for a potted fern in the corner… he lifts it off the floor, and DROPS IT OVER KIN HIROSHI’S BACK AS HE TRIES TO RISE!!

MN: The Muffin Man HATES nature. I’ll gives this garbage wrestling piece of garbage one thing: He knows his opponent’s weaknesses!

DT: Stalker brings Hiroshi back to his feet and leads him toward the crowd of VIP guests, who quickly clear away from the action… now both men enter a clearing between a set of sofas facing the big screen TV, and there’s a coffee table at their feet!

DM: I think I know where this is going… Stalker is bringing Hiroshi alongside the coffee table… but HIROSHI fires back with a chop across the chest! Another chop! A third—but STALKER PUTS HIM DOWN with a discus elbow to the face!

DT: It’s almost as though the man has become numb to pain! Stalker picks Hiroshi up off the floor… and clears off the coffee table!

MN: Uh-oh, I don’t like where THIS is going!

DT: Stalker stands on top and sets Kin Hiroshi up in a leg-scissor headlock… lifts him up, AND DRILLS HIM THROUGH THAT GLASS COFFEE TABLE WITH A CRADLE PILEDRIVER!!! MY GOD, WHAT DEVASTATION!!

MN: HE CAN’T DO THAT!! Isn’t it against the rules?

DM: Anything goes in Stalker’s matches, I guess…

DT: Stalker drapes the arm over Hiroshi’s chest for the cover……




DM: WHERE DOES HE FIND THAT KIND OF STRENGTH?! Stalker damn well nearly gave him a CONCUSSION with that move!!

MN: The Muffin Man CAN’T BE KILLED, Dean!

DT: This match continues even further as both been lay exhausted amid a small crowd of VIP guests, including TWO NFL quarterbacks… and now Stalker is getting himself to his feet, while Kin Hiroshi shows faint signs of life!

DM: How much longer can either of these individuals go on? I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting much out of this match from the beginning, but man, WHAT A WAY to kick of Wrestlestock!

DT: You got a point there, Dean. Stalker is back on his feet while Hiroshi is on his knees, and… wait a minute, Stalker just took something out of the hands of New York Giants quarterback ELI MANNING!!

DM: It was his drink!

MN: Good. What is Eli, anyway, like… 15 years old? That kid shouldn’t be drinking.

DT: Stalker turns and sees Hiroshi back on his feet… and drops the drink at Hiroshi’s feet! What is he doing?

DM: Stalker reaches over to CHAD PENNINGTON and… takes his cigar! And he tosses it to Hiroshi’s feet and—OH MY GOD, HE JUST LIT KIN HIROSHI ON FIRE!!

[Crowd GASPS!!]

DT: Hiroshi jumps out of the POOL OF FIRE at his feet, but his RIGHT LEG is already a BLAZING INFERNO!! My God, somebody put him OUT!!


DM: Hiroshi is frantically kicking to extinguish that fire, but Hiroshi tries to grab him from behind… and Hiroshi bats him away with an elbow to the face.

DT: Hiroshi turns around… and delivers a FLAMING ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FACE OF STALKER!!


[Crowd EXPLODES!!!]

[Pandemonium ensues as the TV in the corner sparks and smokes and eventually goes dead. Stalker jerks violently in the process as though being electrocuted. Meanwhile, Chad Pennington thankfully grabs a vase filled with water and douses the flaming leg of Kin Hiroshi. Eli Manning and another VIP pull Stalker from the TV revealing that his face has been blackened but not seriously burned, and the hair on the front of his head has been singed. A team of medics enter the room and split into pairs checking on either man.]

DT: My God… what chaos…

DM: Is this match going to be ruled as a No Contest then? Neither man looks capable of continuing. I don’t know the condition of Hiroshi’s leg, but Stalker just looks like he’s been through HELL and back!

MN: They can’t do a draw! Hiroshi ALWAYS finishes a match!

DT: I think you’re right, Mike. I believe one of Stalker’s specifications for this match is that there MUST be a victory by pinfall.

MN: You know… I believe the Muffin Man might have out-done Chuck Norris with that roundhouse kick.

DM: WHAT?! You can’t out-do Chuck Norris, no matter WHO you are!

MN: Yeah, but it wasn’t just ANY roundhouse kick to the face… it was a FLAMING roundhouse kick to the face… THROUGH A TV!!

DT: He may have a point, Dean…

DM: Don’t tell me you buy this crap, Dave!

[A pair of EMTs brings Hiroshi to his feet near the windows to see if he can stand on it. The other two, meanwhile, shake Stalker until he regains consciousness again. When he awakens, he immediately spots Hiroshi, and…]


[Crowd POPS!!]

DT: MY GOD, this match is still going on!! But now it’s spilled outside of the VIP room!

DM: Where the hell are they? They have to be on the upper deck somewhere…

[The camera frantically searches the upper deck area for the two combatants.]

MN: Anybody see them?

DT: Wait, THERE THEY ARE, near the north end of the arena!

[The camera catches the action and zooms in, revealing Hiroshi on the run from Stalker!]

DT: WE’VE GOT ‘EM! And it looks like Stalker has Kin Hiroshi on the run!

MN: He’s not running from him, Dave! He’s just leading his prey into a trap!

DM: Must be some trap, as Hiroshi limps away from his opponent in a panic!

DT: But STALKER catches up to him and tackles him near the guard rail!

DM: Good thing that rail is in place, or these guys might fall off that tier and into the seats below…

DT: Stalker takes Hiroshi by the head and RAMS HIM straight into that iron guard-rail! And now Stalker beats him further down toward the end of the arena…

[The camera cuts to another station with a better angle. The two are nearing the section of the arena that hangs right above the StockTron standing above the stage. The extra large-scale screen reveals all of the action happening above in dramatic detail.]

DT: These two are having an all-out WAR, and it looks like the new guy may finally have Hiroshi on the ropes!

MN: There ARE no ropes for the Muffin Man, Dave!

DM: Stalker goes for a big right hook, but Hiroshi DUCKS and grabs him from behind… lifts him up and RACKS HIM OVER THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!!

MN: HA! You see?!

DT: Hiroshi takes Stalker in a collar and elbow tie-up… but Stalker brushes him off with a forearm! Stalker takes him by the head… LIFTS HIM UP WITH A VERTICLE SUPLEX and DUMPS HIM on the other side of the guardrail! Both men run a SERIOUS RISK of falling from that elevation!!

DM: You’re right, Dave. One wrong step and either of these men could fall to their doom to the stage below…

MN: Hey, I wouldn’t mind seeing this dirty PUNK’S career ending on his EPW debut. It would ensure I’d never see him again…

DT: That’s a horrible thing to say, Mike!

MN: Yeah, but it’s from the heart, and that’s what counts.

DM: Hiroshi’s back up and goes for a shot to Stalker—but Stalker BLOCKS and hits him with a jab! Hiroshi reels back and—OH MY, comes teetering at the edge of that elevated platform!!

[Crowd GASPS as Hiroshi flails his arms and regains his balance.]

DT: Hiroshi bites back with a spinning heel kick—but Stalker CATCHES HIS FOOT and sweeps his other leg!! Hiroshi falls, and rolls OFF THE EDGE OF THE UPPER DECK—

DM: BUT WAIT, Dave! Hiroshi instead rolls down on top of the STOCKTRON!!

[With everyone in the audience on the edge of their seats, Hiroshi scrambles down on top of the StockTron structure and begins climbing to the edge. Stalker quickly climbs down after him and pursues.]

DT: It’s a game of CAT AND MOUSE as Kin Hiroshi scrambles to get himself to a lower elevation, and Stalker’s keeping up right behind him!

MN: Why you gotta make it sound like Hiroshi’s being a COWARD in this, Dave? The man is just keeping this dangerous HACK at bay while he thinks of a plan…

DM: Hiroshi inches his way down the edge of the ‘Tron, and comes to the scaffold at the very bottom of the big screen!

[Adding dramatic effect, Hiroshi’s own image is blown up behind him by about ten times his regular size. Hiroshi comes to his feet on the 3’ wide scaffold at the base of the screen and tip toes to the other end, grimacing at the stage 20 feet below him.]

DT: Looks like Kin Hiroshi has run out of room to run! He’s still gotta drop six meters to the stage below… but Stalker’s now climbed down to the scaffold with him!

DM: Looks like it’s time for the final showdown! Hiroshi takes advantage of the distance across that scaffold, runs at Stalker full speed… and PUTS HIM DOWN with a front-face dropkick!!

MN: Cornering a dangerous animal only makes him more dangerous!

DT: Stalker gets back to his feet… but Hiroshi catches him with a SIDE-KICK to the mid-section, and a KNEELING UPPERCUT that shoots Stalker back and nearly falling off the scaffold!!

MN: Kin’s just going to give him a little amateur rhinoplasty is all.

DM: Hiroshi takes hold of Stalker and lifts him onto his shoulders for a TORTURE RACK—

DT: BUT STALKER SLIDES OFF before Hiroshi could pull off the H.L.B.! Stalker spins him around… boot to the gut… EVENFLOW!!! HE JUST NAILED KIN HIROSHI WITH THE EVENFLOW!!


DM: After THIS ENTIRE WAR, Stalker has finally sealed the deal! All he needs to do is make the cover!

DT: …but it doesn’t look like he’s done yet! He gets Hiroshi back to his feet, and now… oh no, he’s leading him to the edge of the SCAFFOLD!!

MN: He better not do what I THINK he’s gonna do!!

DM: I think he IS!! Stalker’s got the back of Hiroshi’s head, and he’s picking up speed to the end of the scaffold!


MN: He’s hanging on by a THREAD!!

DM: Stalker tries to stomp down on Hiroshi’s hands… and now he kneels down to pry him off the scaffold—but Hiroshi shifts his legs up and they WRAP AROUND STALKER’S HEAD!!


DM: I DON’T BELIEVE IT!! They HAVE to be dead!! Somebody call the paramedics!!

DT: WAIT A MINUTE!! Kin Hiroshi’s arm VEEERRRYYY SLOWLY drapes itself over Stalker’s chest… and the referee appears from the entry-way to make the COUNT….





[Crowd EXPLODES!!]

TF: The winner of this match as a result of pinfall…



MN: WOO-HOO!! I KNEW the Muffin Man could do it!!

DT: WHAT AN UNBELIEVABLE victory for Kin Hiroshi! But I gotta say, quite an IMPRESSIVE debut from Stalker also! Both men put on one hell of a WAR, and I can’t think of a better way to start off WrestleStock!

DM: You said a mouthful there, Dave.

[On the stage, EMTs and the referee help Hiroshi to his feet, and his arm is lifted victoriously. Stalker is helped to his feet by another team of officials, but almost as soon as he’s risen, he violently shoves them away.]


[Stalker says something in a threatening manner to the officials, who defensively back away. Stalker limps through the entry-way and disappears.]

DM: Falls twenty feet to the stage and STILL walks out of the arena on his own. Garbage wrestling aside, that guy is one HELL of a contender.

DT: But the night belongs to the man with his arm held high. “THE MUFFIN MAN” KIN HIROSHI is victorious at WrestleStock!! He put up a hell of a fight against an opponent fighting in his own environment, and managed to not only keep up with him but inevitably out-wit him at his own game!

DM: We still got more action to come tonight… and I have a really good feeling on where the night is going.

DT: Let’s take it over to the NEW crew for their first match of the evening!-


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
MWG vs. Rex Reynolds - Lucky 13 Match

(CUTTO: Ringside. The camera focuses on the EPW / NEW WrestleSTOCK apron before spanning backwards. CUTTO: Announce team table. Dean Julius, Nick Jive and Tom Gheorghe are sitting, Gheorghe in the middle.)

GHEORGHE: “And we’re here for New ERA’s first match of Day #1 on this enormous two day joint pay per view event .. and what a way to start things off, guys!”

JULIUS: “Nothing says ‘ready to rumble’ like an Unlucky 13 match…”

GHEORGHE: “The object of this match, the only way to win this match, is to staple not one, not two, but THIRTEEN separate playing cards to their opponent’s body!”


GHEORGHE: “This will be an incredible match between Rex Reynolds and MWG. MWG, as you remember is a former P©X Champion .. and Rex Reynolds was involved in the semifinals of the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship tournament before checking out thanks to Dallas Carter.”

JIVE: “But that means nothing in the here and now on this very special night … these two men are going to battle it out as they both engage on the road to hold the title that is in Chaos’ hands.”

GHEORGHE: “Let’s head up to Carl Jacobs for the ring introductions!”

(CUTTO: Ringside, the lineup for the match flashes on screen.)

JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall .. and is an UNLUCKY 13 PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme match! The only way to win .. is to staple thirteen playing cards to your opponent’s body! Introducing first..”

(CUEUP: “Price to Pay” by Staind. Rex Reynolds comes out from behind the curtain and makes his way to the ring, staring intently on the center of it, not giving in to the fans screaming around him for a hand slap.)

JACOBS: “He stands six foot four and weighs 258 pounds … hailing from Greenville, South Carolina …. ‘the FUTURE’ … REX … REYNOLDS!”

(The crowd gives a mixed reaction as Reynolds climbs into the ring and goes to the nearest corner.)

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds had a tough time in his return match losing to Nakita Dahaka..”

JULIUS: “He’s looking for the ace in his pocket, excuse the pun, as he tries to one up the former P©X AND Television champion here on the biggest joint pay per view of the year.”

JACOBS: “And his opponent… being led to the ring by Krist Blue…”

(CUEUP: “Faggot” by Mindless Self Indulgence. MWG walks out in a zebra print trench coat and wobbles down the rampway with Krist Blue screaming at the fans.)

JACOBS: “He is a former PRODIGY© CLASSIC XTREME champion … and a two time former New ERA of Wrestling Television champion … EM … DUBBYA … GEE!”

(SFX: Bell rings.)

GHEORGHE: “You can see those staplers lying in each corner of the ring .. and the playing cards are strewn about the mat .. this could get very interesting to say the least!”

JULIUS: “Are you on drugs? ANY match with MWG is bound to get more than interesting! New ERA management already passed out blindfolds for parents just in case!”

JIVE: “MWG seemed to be in retrospective mode coming into tonight’s match .. but claims that even though he’s a has been, he’s still more than Rex Reynolds ever will be!”

GHEORGHE: “I’d highly call MWG a has-been .. even if he did himself. MWG will one day be New ERA World Heavyweight champion .. there’s no doubt about it!”

JIVE: “Referee is starting with his instru…”


JULIUS: “MWG doesn’t have time to sit around and wait for the referee to wank, he’s got meth to buy.”

GHEORGHE: “MWG pops back onto his feet .. and he starts drilling Reynolds in the side of the head with some vicious forearms! MWG backs ‘the Future’ into the corner … AND WHIPS HIM ACROSS THE RING!”

JIVE: “MWG likes it rough.”

GHEORGHE: “WAIT! Reynolds stops himself before hitting the turnbuckle pad .. and here comes MWG!”

(SFX: Crowd pops.)


JULIUS: “MWG tried to get at him in time, but Reynolds was waiting.”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds now grabbing the former P©X champion .. and he rams MWG’s head into the mat! Reynolds grabbing the legs of MWG .. and he drags him into the center of the ring before dropping an elbow right into the sternum.”

JIVE: “Reynolds recovering nicely after having this match start on MWG’s terms … but he’s going to need to work fast in order to put the innovator of shock wrestling away.”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds back on his feet and he rips MWG off the mat and backs him into the corner. Reynolds now driving the boots to the midsection… BUT MWG WITH AN EYE GOUGE! MWG is BITING REX REYNOLDS!”

JIVE: “He’s going Mike Tyson on his ass!”

GHEORGHE: “MWG is biting Reynolds … and Reynolds pushes him off! Rex Reynolds holding his ear and looking at MWG … almost terrified!”

JULIUS: “That could have ended up much worse than the bruise he’s going to have there tomorrow … and now Reynolds is coming after MWG!”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds is pissed .. but MWG stops him short and drops him to the mat with a drop toe hold! AND NOW MWG IS SLAPPING REYNOLDS’ ASS!”

JIVE: “MWG is a fighter one minute, a lover the next.”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds now with a head of steam as he rapidly crawls into the corner for some protection..”

JULIUS: “This is a P©X match .. there’s no protection!”

JIVE: “Just the way MWG likes it.”

GHEORGHE: “MWG follows him in…”





JULIUS: “MWG looks down … at the Queen of Hearts!”

JIVE: “I wouldn’t necessarily call MWG a queen …”


JIVE: “That’s the Jack of Hearts .. hey, three more cards and he could get the Royal Flush!”

GHEORGHE: “Well he just got a knee to the skull! MWG ramming the knee right in the kisser and Reynolds drops the stapler! MWG now rips the Queen from his Crotch..”

JIVE: “That makes more sense.. he’s used to that.”

GHEORGHE: “AND NOW MWG STAPLES IT ON THE FOREHEAD OF REX REYNOLDS! Reynolds with a yelp … and look at the blood coming out from behind the card!”

JULIUS: “Wait a minute .. shouldn’t he .. be using playing cards?”

GHEORGHE: “MWG is now using the stapler .. and he is stapling away on the chest of ‘the Future’ Rex Reynolds!”

JIVE: “Jesus!”


JULIUS: “He’s going back for the stapler… and he just grabbed a handful of cards!”

GHEORGHE: “Well that Queen of Hearts is still on the forehead of Rex Reynolds… MWG comes back .. and he flips Reynolds over onto his stomach! MWG placing the card in the middle of Reynolds’ back…”

JIVE: “Wait .. he’s pausing.. wha… oh.. oh Lord.”


(SFX: Reynolds screaming.)


JULIUS: “Rex Reynolds is going to have a hard time explaining THAT to his girlfriend.”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds boots MWG in the face causing him to fall onto the mat … and now Reynolds turns onto his back .. AND HITS MWG WITH BOTH BOOTS TO THE FACE!”

JULIUS: “He better run while he has the chance.”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds caught MWG good as his bottom lip is busted open .. and MWG just licks the blood off his lips and smiles!”

JIVE: “He was destined for this division if you ask me.”

GHEORGHE: “Rex Reynolds turns to get to his feet .. BUT MWG …. MOUNTS HIM?!”


GHEORGHE: “MWG thrusts forward … and staples ANTOTHER CARD … this one on the back! AND ANOTHER!”

JIVE: “That’s five cards… he only needs eight more.. and with the way this match is going, he might just finish twice by that time.”

GHEORGHE: “Oh stop it!”

JIVE: “What?!”

JULIUS: “This is like a scene from a bad B-movie about a psychopathic serial killer..”

GHEORGHE: “MWG finally getting off of Reynolds .. and he grabs him by the hair .. and spins him around… KICK TO THE GUT! DISAPPEAR HE… NO! REYNOLDS CAUGHT THE FOOT! REX REYNOLDS CLOTHESLINES MWG TO THE MAT!”

JIVE: “Reynolds showing some fight .. and some smarts as he anticipated the set up .. but he can’t capitalize.”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds reaching around feeling the cards on his cheeks … BUT MWG IS RIGHT BACK ON THE ATTACK AS HE GETS ON TOP OF ‘THE FUTURE’ AND STARTS WAILING AWAY!”

JULIUS: “MWG’s not about to let Reynolds take any of those cards off.. his clothes, maybe … but not the cards.”

GHEORGHE: “MWG gets off Reynolds and grabs the stapler .. and he goes back t… no! Reynolds grabs MWG’s arms and is trying to prevent him from stapling any more cards on his torso!”

JIVE: “MWG bearing down on Reynolds .. but Reynolds is holding him off .. for now!”

GHEORGHE: “REYNOLDS WITH A KNEE TO THE BALLS OF MWG! MWG drops the stapler … and falls off of Rex Reynolds!”

JULIUS: “Hmmm…”

GHEORGHE: “Rex Reynolds slowly sitting up .. and he grabs the stapler! REX REYNOLDS WITH THREE CARDS … AND RAPIDLY STAPLES THEM ACROSS THE STOMACH OF MWG!”

JIVE: “He’s going to need to work quicker than that if he wants to catch up to the former PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion.”

GHEORGHE: “Rex Reynolds bends down to grab a few more cards ….”



JULIUS: “Low blows have no effect on MWG … besides maybe turning him on!”

GHEORGHE: “MWG spins Reynolds around ….”



JIVE: “It’s as easy as one, two, three now … well .. I guess four, five, six, sev..”

JULIUS: “We get it.”

GHEORGHE: “MWG scoops up a bunch of cards … and now he … well .. positions himself on top of Rex Reynolds’ face..”

JIVE: “He’s got his crotch in Reynolds’ face!!”

GHEORGHE: “MWG now stapling cards onto the chest of Rex Reynolds .. and Reynolds is out! He’s not reacting to any of the cards being stapled to his chest!”

JULIUS: “That’s … eight .. nine…”

GHEORGHE: “Reynolds still not moving … ELEVEN cards now stapled all around Rex Reynolds’ body.”

JIVE: “MWG has the final two cards in his hand and I think he’s deciding where he wants to place them.”

JULIUS: “This is his masterpiece, Jive .. every card counts!”

GHEORGHE: “MWG now places the final two cards … right over the nipples of Rex Reynolds!! MWG staples the right one down .. that’s twelve cards …………. AND HE PUTS THE FINISHING TOUCH ON THE LEFT NIPPLE! MWG IS VICTORIOUS!”

(SFX: Bell rings.)

JACOBS: “The winner of this match by stapling thirteen cards to his opponent’s body ….”

(CUEUP: “Faggot” by Mindless Self Indulgence.)


(MWG looks at his handiwork as Krist Blue slides into the ring and jumps on top of his back.)

GHEORGHE: “By God .. what a way to start New ERA’s showcase … MWG and Rex Reynolds in an Unlucky 13 match .. and MWG hitting the Disappear Here DDT enabling him to staple those last eight cards onto the body of ‘the Future’ Rex Reynolds!”

JIVE: “All I can say is thank God it is over! Who knows where MWG would have stapled those cards had this match progressed any further.”

JULIUS: “He’s a sado-masochist … it could have gone on all night!”

GHEORGHE: “Congratulations are in order for that man … and once more Rex Reynolds has been foiled. What a match.”

JIVE: “Krist Blue looks more excited than MWG does!”

JULIUS: “She didn’t have the Queen of Hearts stapled to her cock.”


(Julius shakes his head in disbelief as MWG, who was walking by the announce booth with Blue, slowly turns his head towards her and looks down, his eyebrow rising. He puts his arm around her as they continue to walk on by.)

JIVE: “I’m going to be sick…”

GHEORGHE: “Oh, Nick….”

JULIUS: “I don’t get paid enough to put up with him.”

GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentleman .. we’re going to send you over to the fine gentlemen calling the shots for Empire Pro .. as we’ve got another amazing match coming up on WrestleSTOCK .. the two teams are already in the ring as it’s tag team action between the Highland Park Social Club and the team of Foxx and Karl Brown!”-


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
The Highland Park Social Club vs. Karl Brown & Foxx

DT: Alright the bell has rung and we’re starting the match with Brown and Farnswirth staring each other down in the middle of the ring. Brown steps in only to have Farnswirth back off a moment before.. wow a cheap eye poke caught Brown off guard. Farnswirth follows that up with an elbow to the face, now a knee to the gut and a quick DDT!

DM: Farnswirth's style is like that of a technical but cheap wrestler.

MN: You got that right! Oh and Farnswirth is showing his cheapness with a knee to the gut!

DT: Farnswirth picks up Brown and whips him into the ropes, Brown ducks a clothesline but as he comes against the other side of the ring Benjamin pulls the ropes down sending Brown spilling to the outside!

MN: Looks like Adam Benjamin is showing his benefits to the team already.

DM: Benjamin hops down off the side of the ring and goes to work on Brown on the outside as Foxx hops in the ring pointing to the action outside as the ref tries to get her under control.

DT: Farnswirth is telling the ref to get Foxx out of the ring as Benjamin just slammed Brown into the railing outside. Benjamin drives his knee into Brown's face and calls to Farnswirth in the ring.

MN: Benjamin has hold of Brown outside as Farnswirth drops off the apron with a double axe handle to the back. Great team work!

DT: Cheap teamwork. The ref finally realizes what's going on and is giving the ten counts to both opponents. Farnswirth wasting no time slides Brown into the ring.

DM: Looking to take advantage of Benjamin's work Farnswirth hooks Karl Brown into a figure four leg lock! Brown is smacking the mat in pain as the ref asks if he's ready to submit.

MN: Karl 'The Dragon' Brown would be made a fool to tap out now but that looks like exactly what's going to happen!

DT: I doubt it. Brown is making his way to the ropes as Farnswirth is trying to work him back... Brown reaches... and grabs the ropes! The ref is giving Farnswirth the five count and finally Farnswirth lets the hold go.

DM: Brown looks to have taken a toll after that submission move and Farnswirth will take advantage as he yanks Brown by the leg away from the ropes and slams his knee directly into the back of Brown's leg.

MN: This is the perfect time to tag in Benjamin.

DM: That's exactly what Farnswirth has in mind. Benjamin gets the tag in and quickly goes to work on him. Benjamin scoops Brown.. sets him up for a suplex but no! Brown blocks it. Benjamin tries again and Brown knees Benjamin in the gut.

DT: Brown grabs Benjamin... hooks him.. T-BONE SUPLEX! Foxx is yelling to the get tag from Brown and Brown is slowly stumbling over and makes the tag to Foxx!

MN: This looks like the end of the match for Brown and Foxx.. Karl just tagged in the far less superior partner.

DT: What do you call this then..? Foxx charges right at Benjamin as he is trying to pick himself up and nails him with a drop kick to the face! With a surge of energy now on the team of Brown and Foxx she is going to work on Benjamin nailing him with a flurry of quick kicks and punches.

DM: It's sending him reeling back into Foxx's corner. Finally she slams him with a shoulder into the turnbuckles, runs back and CONNECTS with a flying body splash. Benjamin stumbles out of the corner and Foxx grabs his head driving it into the mat with a bulldog! She's rolls him over and hooks his leg 1.....2.. no! He kicks out.

MN: Why would she ever think Benjamin would be that quick to go down?

DT: I don't know but it doesn't look like she's giving up anytime soon as she drive an elbow to his forehead runs against the ropes... jumps.. WOW SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT and she hooks the leg again.. 1.....2....NO! Benjamin with another kick out!

DM: She's starting to look frustrated. Foxx picks up Adam and goes for a whip into the ropes... he reverses and sends her against the
ropes.. he sets up.... and SHE COMES BACK GRABBING HIS HEAD AND HITS HIM WITH A ROLLING DDT! She hooks his leg again 1......2.... NO!! Farnswirth out of nowhere breaks up the pin! Brown comes charging into the ring only to be blocked by the ref!

MN: Perfect! Farnswirth take her out!

DT: With the ref distracted Farnswirth picks Foxx up.. hooks her.. MARKET CRASH! MARKET CRASH! Foxx is laid out and Brown is absolutely LIVID! He's yelling at the ref to turn around as Farnswirth lays Benjamin on top of Foxx.

DM: Brown is yelling at the ref as the ref starts the five count to get him out of the ring.. Brown finally retreats and the ref sees Benjamin covering Foxx and goes in for the count... 1......2...NO! Foxx barely kicks out! They are both groggily getting to their feet.

MN: I could've bet money that was the end for Foxx but I guess I was wrong.

DM: Adam is getting to his feet first and now Foxx is up.... Adam quickly charges in and takes down Foxx with a powerful clothesline, picking her up by her hair now he slings her into the corner and comes in with a knee to the gut!

MN: Now that's how you treat a lady.

DT: Wow Mike... Benjamin isn't through as he suplexes Foxx down and quick to his feet yet again he drops a leg across her throat!

DM: Foxx, I think was taken by surprise at the start of this match by that vicious clothesline. Adam now picks her up and slings her into his corner, Benjamin charges at Karl Brown AND NAILS HIM WITH A FOREARM sending him flying back to the ground!

MN: You know they've got a past, that move right there did not surprise me one bit!

DT: Yeah, as the ref is getting Benjamin to back off, Farnswirth is taking advantage of Foxx in the corner putting her in a choke hold! The ref finally notices it and breaks the hold! Benjamin quickly takes advantage and hits her with another suplex!

DM: Quickly now he's back to his feet again this time tagging in Farnswirth, they pick Foxx up and NAIL her with a double DDT!

MN: That has to be it for her.

DT: Richard hooks the leg and goes for the pin.. 1....2..... NO! Foxx barely kicks out. Farnswirth picks Foxx up and lays a few rights to her head, he whips her into the ropes and she DUCKS a clothesline! Farnswirth spins.. RIGHT INTO A DROPKICK by Foxx!

MN: She better tag in the partner she chose!

DM: That's exactly where she is headed, she's crawling over to Brown still hurt by the beating she has taken... she's almost there and NO!! She dives but Farnswirth grabs her leg and yanks her back just in time!

MN: Excellent thinking! Focus on just her!

DT: Farnswirth goes to work on her head as he drops a quick elbow against the back of it. He follows that up with a foot stomp and another and another and Karl Brown has seen enough! He charges in the ring and head straight for Farnswirth but is intercepted by the ref!

DM: Karl is complaining loudly as now Benjamin enters the ring and they pick Foxx up, DOUBLE SUPLEX! Karl IS SCREAMING AT the ref telling him to turn around but the ref refuses as Karl is still not at his corner!

MN: I like the looks of this.

DT: Benjamin now has Foxx's legs and he slingshots her into the turnbuckle! She stumbles backwards and Farnswirth grabs her neck and drops her with a Neckbreaker!

DM: Finally Karl has gotten to his corner and the ref turns to see Benjamin being innocent. Farnswirth drags Foxx to the middle of the ring and hooks her leg... 1...2...3NO!!!! Foxx at the very last split second kicks out.

MN: Farnswirth looks upset now.

DT: Yes, that he does. He picks up Foxx and sets her up.. no! She nails him with and elbow to the gut and another and another! Farnswirth is reeling back now and she CLOTHESLINES him to the ground! Again she's crawling towards Karl who is extending his arm out as far as possible!

DM: She's almost there... SHE GOT IT! Karl storms in the ring and PUNCHES Farnswirth to the ground. He walks over to Benjamin who drops down to the arena floor wanting no part and Karl just stares at him.


DT: Farnswirth charges straight at Brown who last second side steps him and Farnswirth goes CRASHING into the metal turnbuckle pole. Karl grabs him from the back.. BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX! Karl quickly scoops up Farnswirth then points to Benjamin on the outside and NAILS Farnswirth with a swinging neckbreaker!

DM: Brown looks like a man on a mission! He grabs Farnswirth again, RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Now he's grabbing Farnswirth again T-BONE SUPLEX! This is quite a display by Karl Brown here don't you agree?

MN: Not really.. but maybe Foxx made a good suggestion after all considering she prolly would've lost this match already with anyone else.

DT: Hmm.. Karl has Farnswirth up again, DRAGON SUPLEX INTO A BRIDGE PIN.... 1.....2.....NO!! Benjamin out of nowhere breaks the pin up! Karl is livid as he is yelling both at the ref and Benjamin! Foxx looking more recovered steps in and tells the ref to watch Benjamin! Karl goes back to work on Farnswirth laying boots to his back and yelling at Benjamin at the same time.

DM: Karl grabs Farnswirth and slings him into his own corner he sets Farnswirth up on the top rope.. uh oh he tags in Foxx now this is going to be interesting!! Brown grabs Farnswirth from the back TOP ROPE GERMAN SUPLEX!

DT: Foxx hops on the top ropes now as Benjamin comes racing over outside the ring towards Brown who is dazed himself after that move! Foxx is facing the crowd it looks like she's ready for her finisher!

MN: Yeah but Benjamin is taking advantage of Brown as he pulls him out of the ring and goes to work on him!

DM: Foxx is yelling at the ref to get them separated as Farnswirth is showing signs of life on the mat!

DT: She's yelling at them both and Brown and Benjamin are going at it punch for punch on the outside! Farnswirth is up and sees FOXX! HE GRABS AND POWERBOMBS HER DOWN! He holds down her shoulders for the pin and the ref goes for the count! FARNSWIRTH FEET ARE ON THE ROPES! 1....2.....3!!!

MN: Highland Social Park club with a great win for new team member Adam Benjamin!

DM: Great win.. yeah he had to use the ropes for leverage to get the 3 count.

DT: Well Brown just decked Benjamin but looks on in the ring with disbelief on his face. He's shaking his head at Foxx as she groggily gets back to her feet.

DM: The champ does NOT look happy..

DT: No he doesn’t, but this one is in the books…and the Club moves one step closer to a shot at regaining the World Tag Team Titles….


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Cat’s Meow vs Jared Wells & Karla Starr vs Tina Davis & John Doe

(FADEIN: The wrestling ring. Carl Jacobs stands there looking up at the ceiling.)

GHEORGHE: “We’re back here on the New ERA side .. thanks for joining us after watching the Highland Park Social Club defeat Karl Brown and Foxx in some tag team action … and we are ready for New ERA’s triple tag team action .. and what an interesting makeup this match has.”

JULIUS: “Especially since so many of the competitors wear makeup!”

JIVE: “That was lame.”

JULIUS: “So isn’t your ability to get it up, but you don’t see me pointing that out.”

GHEORGHE: “John Doe has come back with a vengeance the past few shows .. starting with that tag team match where he teamed with Nakita Dahaka … Doe doesn’t seem to appreciate New ERA’s integration with the collapse of Juliet Marceau’s all female wrestling promotion, VENUS …”

JIVE: “Well, it was Dahaka’s fault they lost!”

GHEORGHE: “I don’t think that was the case, Nick .. but Doe sure feels like it .. and he came out against Tina Davis, his partner tonight, in their match and really laid it to her both verbally and physically.”

JULIUS: “Well he’s teaming with her tonight, thanks to Marceau, and not only that, but he’s facing Karla Starr .. and the Cat’s Meow. That’s four women in this match with John Doe ..”

JIVE: “Well if you want to get technical, with Jared Wells, that’d be five women.”


JIVE: “What?”

GHEORGHE: “This is a triple threat tag match .. so anyone can tag anyone else into the ring .. which means John Doe could end up taking on his own teammate at one point.”

JULIUS: “And you know she would jump at the chance, too.”

GHEORGHE: “The Cat’s Meow is an interesting team .. I’m not quite sure what to make of them.”

JIVE: “I don’t think anyone does!”

GHEORGHE: “Let’s go to Carl Jacobs for the ring introductions as WrestleSTOCK continues with this next match!”

(The lineup comes on screen.)

JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall and is a triple threat tag team match! Introducing first…”

(CUEUP: “Nine Lives” by Aerosmith. The arena slowly watches as Kaira Hastings enters through the curtain, followed by Faye Walker. Hastings blows kisses to the fans as the music plays, but pushes Walker towards the fans halfway down, which only seems to rile Walker up. They slide into the ring.)

JACOBS: “Weighing in at a combined weight of 285 pounds… Kaira Hastings …. Faye Walker …. THE CAT’s MEOW!”

GHEORGHE: “The fans here in East Rutherford, New Jersey looking on in awe at the Cat’s Meow .. an interesting tag team to say the least.”

JIVE: “All I know is that I already love watching this team .. it’s like my fantasies have come true!”

JULIUS: “I don’t see guys in leather anywhere, Jive…”

JIVE: “You’re going to go back to your hotel room tonight and find a very unpleasant surprise waiting for you..”

JULIUS: “How many times do I have to tell you, Jive .. I do not appreciate you naked in my bed..”

JIVE: “I’m going to kick your as…”

(CUEUP: “Don’t Cha” by the *****cat Dolls as Karla Starr and Jared Wells step through the curtain, arm in arm.)

JACOBS: “And their challengers … weighing in at a combined weight of 358 pounds … KARLA STARR …. and JARED WELLS!”

(Wells and Starr walk to the ring looking on carefully as Faye Walker crawls in between the legs of a standing Kaira Hastings.)

GHEORGHE: “Starr and Wells .. certainly shocked me, and the fans, with their smooch in the ring a few shows ago .. I still don’t know what exactly is going on between them or why they’ve joined forces .. but you can bet that it doesn’t bode well for Foxx … or the other teams in this match.”

JIVE: “Karla Starr was New ERA’s sole Women’s Heavyweight champion .. she held that title for over two years. A force to be reckoned with is an understatement.”

(CUEUP: “Into the Ocean” by Blue October. Joshua Curtis and Tina Davis enter through the curtains, followed quickly by an agitated John Doe. Doe yells up to someone … and all of a sudden the music is cut off. Davis and Curtis look back at Doe .. and watch as he “triumphantly” walks past them as “When Worlds Collide” by Powerman 5000 replaces Davis’ theme.)

JACOBS: “And introducing last … being led to the ring by Joshua Curtis .. weighing in at a combined weight of 400 pounds …. TINA DAVIS …. and JOHN DOE!”

(SFX: Bell rings.)

GHEORGHE: “This match is underway .. and it didn’t seem like John Doe was very happy with the fact that Tina Davis’ theme was used to introduce them!”

JIVE: “Apparently not as he quickly had it changed to his theme!”

JULIUS: “I sense a major ass kicking coming his way in this match.”

GHEORGHE: “Well it seems like Jared Wells and John Doe will be starting things off tonight .. and you can bet that Doe is probably very thankful that he’s not getting in the ring with any of the other competitors right now..”

JIVE: “Especially that Faye Walker.. she scares me.”

JULIUS: “Anything with a vagina scares you, Jive.”

GHEORGHE: “Wells and Doe go for the lockup … but Wells quickly ducks underneath and grabs the arm of Doe wrenching it behind him with the hammerlock! Doe shoots the back elbow and catches Wells in the jaw … and then nails the drop toe hold! John Doe back to his feet .. and he locks Wells in a side headlock as Wells began to rise!”

JIVE: “I thought Doe was dead in the water, so to speak, when he turned on Jonathan Marx and left DREDD … but he has certainly shown life the past few shows!”

GHEORGHE: “And he’s continuing that here tonight as he bulldogs Jared Wells to the mat! Tina Davis aching to get into the ring as she reaches out her hand for the tag, but Doe shoots her a dirty look and begins to stomp on the lower back of Wells!”

JULIUS: “There’s no doubt about it .. if John Doe and Tina Davis are going to win this triple threat … Doe will not let Davis be the one getting the pin.”

GHEORGHE: “Wells getting back to his feet as Doe stops his attack .. John Doe reaches for the head .. but Wells with a shot to the midsection! Jared Wells grabs the arm of Doe and sends him into the ro.. NO! Doe with a reversal and Jared Wells is sent into the ropes!”

JIVE: “Starr just tagged herself in!”

GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr with a slap across the back makes herself the legal ma.. woman… and John Doe catches Wells with a quick slam … Doe gets back up … AND GETS CAUGHT WITH A DROPKICK RIGHT IN THE JAW BY STARR!”

JULIUS: “Doe wasn’t paying attention … and now it’s ON!”

GHEORGHE: “Doe scrambles to his feet .. and Starr with a reverse knife edge chop! AND ANOTHER! AND A THIRD! But John Doe grabs Starr by the hair and YANKS her to the mat!”

JIVE: “Just like that Karla Starr has her fire put out.”

GHEORGHE: “Tina Davis yelling at Doe for the tag .. but he flicks her off! AND NOW DAVIS IS COMING INTO THE MATCH!”

JULIUS: “Maybe she had her head banged against the back of the headboard one too many times .. but flicking your partner off doesn’t make them the legal man in the ring..”


JULIUS: “I’m just saying …”

GHEORGHE: “Davis charging at Doe … BUT THE REFEREE STEPS IN AND STOPS HER! The referee now telling Davis to get back to her corner … AND THAT ALLOWS FAYE WALKER TO SNEAK INTO THE RING! Doe doesn’t see her as he’s waving at Tina Davis .. Doe turns ……. Walker with a boot to the .. NO! Doe catches the foot! BUT WALKER HITS THE ENZIGUIRI! Faye Walker now grabbing the head of John Doe .. AND BASHING IT INTO THE MAT!”

JIVE: “So not only does Tina Davis lose her cool .. but she also just caused her partner to get jumped from behind! What a team player!”

GHEORGHE: “The referee turns and sees what’s going on .. and now he’s over trying to get Walker off of Doe!”

JULIUS: “He’s not having much luck .. maybe he should throw a piece of raw steak on the outside …”

GHEORGHE: “Kaira Hastings with a sharp whistle … and … Walker retreats back their corner?!”

JIVE: “I’m telling you .. I don’t quite understand those two … that’s like … a porno gone very wrong.”

JULIUS: “And what would you know about female porno?”

JIVE: “You’re going to ge..”

GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr taking advantage of the situation as she covers John Doe … ONE ………. TW—NOOO!! Doe with the kickout!”

JULIUS: “Starr dragging John Doe by the leg over to the Cat’s Meow corner … and she just tagged in Kaira Hastings!”

GHEORGHE: “Hastings hops over the top rope .. AND DROPS THE LEG ACROSS THE THROAT OF JOHN DOE! Hastings now with the cover … ONE ………. TWO …. NOOO!! Another two count!”

JIVE: “If I were Doe I’d get out soon and take a breather..”

GHEORGHE: “Hastings grabs John Doe and rakes his head across the bottom ring rope! She now grabs Doe .. Fireman’s Carries him over … and now locks him with a headscissors!”

JULIUS: “What I wouldn’t give to be John Doe right now ….”

GHEORGHE: “Doe trying to get out of the hold .. He’s trying to pry Hastings legs open..”

JIVE: “I heard the last guy who tried that ended up being an Italian castrato…”


JULIUS: “And Doe just reached up and tagged in Faye Walker!!”

GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker now must get into the ring and face her mentor … her keeper …. her partner!”

JIVE: “Let me get my camera..”

JULIUS: “I thought you left it in San Francisco at Pride…”

GHEORGHE: “Walker now in the ring and she looks frightened as Hastings stands there with her arms folded across her chest…”

JULIUS: “Come on now .. go at it!”

GHEORGHE: “Walker slowly … crawling over to Hastings and starts rubbing against her legs?!”

JULIUS: “Higher dammit .. rub against her pus…”


JULIUS: “Now what?”

GHEORGHE: “Walker… HASTINGS JUST BOOTED WALKER AWAY! Walker looks away … and now Hastings points at the corner of Tina Davis and John Doe!”

JIVE: “Don’t look at me .. I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker quickly .. pounces over to the corner … AND SHE TAGS IN TINA DAVIS!”

JULIUS: “Davis gets her wish .. she’s in the match now… although I don’t think I’d like to come in against Kaira Hastings, that’s for sure…”

GHEORGHE: “Davis hops into the ring, much to the chagrin of John Doe it seems, and she charges at Hastings! Hastings sidesteps Davis and lets her run into the ropes …. BUT DAVIS BRACES HERSELF! DAVIS HOPS ONTO THE SECOND ROPE …. AND MOONSAULTS HERSELF BACK ONTO KAIRA HASTINGS!! ONE ………. TWO …………. THREE!!! NO NO NO!”

JULIUS: “Hastings got out at the last second!”

GHEORGHE: “Hastings pushes Davis off of her … and kips up .. AND HASTINGS WITH A CLOTHES… NO! Davis wraps herself around …. CRUCIFIX! ONE ……. TWO ……. TH—NO, KICKOUT!”

JIVE: “Davis is a spitfire, that’s for sure..”

GHEORGHE: “Hastings once more up to her feet .. and this time she rakes the eyes of Tina Davis! Davis stopped … and Hastings sends her into the ropes … BUT DAVIS REVERSES! Kaira Hastings goes into the ropes ….”

JIVE: “Starr with another tag in! She should trademark that..”


JULIUS: “Starr’s on the top rope!!”

GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr on the top rope as Davis finishes off the spinebuster … SHE FLIES OFF ……. FROG SPLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”


GHEORGHE: “Starr rolls off of Hastings holding her ribs .. and Tina Davis grabs the legs of Starr … Tina Davis grabs the legs of Karla Starr … and flips forward … holding the bridge! ONE ………… TWO ……… THR—NOOO!! The VENUS World Heavyweight champion kicks out!”

JULIUS: “Tina Davis had the awareness that Starr tagged herself into the match .. something Davis’ partner, John Doe, didn’t have the first time Starr did so earlier!”

GHEORGHE: “Karla Starr rolls over to the corner where the Cat’s Meow is … AND SHE REACHES THROUGH THE ROPES AND TAGS IN FAYE WALKER!”

JIVE: “Starr looked like she landed pretty rough on Kaira Hastings with that frog splash.. Hastings still on the outside apron … so Walker was the only logical choice there.”


JULIUS: “As far as Walker is concerned… Tina Davis is the reason why Kaira Hastings is out right now!”


JIVE: “Walker’s rage really made her an easy target for that .. and now Davis is getting up!”

GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker with a look of pure rage in her eyes as she charges at Davis … BUT DAVIS JUMPS HIGH IN THE AIR AND HITS THE HURRICANRANA!”

JULIUS: “Tina Davis … Davis … she’s raising her arms in the air… I think she’s calling for the end of this match!”

GHEORGHE: “Faye Walker slowly getting to her feet as Tina Davis gets in a three point stance …. AND SHE CHARGES AND CLOTHESLINES THE HELL OUT OF FAYE WALKER! Davis … DAVIS WITH THE PILEDRIVER … and now she’s going to finish it off with that devastating elbow drop! Davis against the far ropes … and now she hops over Walker and rebounds off the opposite ropes …”

JIVE: “AND DOE JUST TAGGED HIMSELF IN! I don’t think Davis even realizes it due to the adrenaline!”



GHEORGHE: “Tina Davis goes crashing to the outside … AND JOHN DOE WITH THE COVER!! ONE ……….. TWO ………… THREE!!!”

(SFX: Bell rings!)

GHEORGHE: “John Doe just stole the pinfall victory from his own partner!”

JACOBS: “The winners of this match …. JOHN DOE … and TINA DAVIS!”

(SFX: Fans jeer hardcore as Doe has his arm raised by the referee!)

JIVE: “Doe’s a genius!”

JULIUS: “I never want to hear you say that ever again…”


GHEORGHE: “John Doe tagged himself in as Tina Davis was finishing off the Maple Leaf Meltdown .. and he is the one who gets the pinfall! Now Doe is celebrating in the ring as Joshua Curtis is over to help Davis to her feet … Doe is acting as if he won this match all by himself!”


GHEORGHE: “What the….”

(A figure charges past the camera and slides underneath the bottom rope..)




JULIUS: “She just came out of nowhere!”

JIVE: “Dahaka getting her revenge on John Doe!”


JIVE: “Oh no… John Doe’s going to be out cold .. and all those women are going to have their way with him .. and not in a good one!”

GHEORGHE: “DOE IS OUT! DOE IS KNOCKED OUT COLD! Dahaka releases the hold … and she just stares down at him …. AND SHE SPAT ON HIM! Nakita Dahaka is leaving the ring!”

JIVE: “And the referee is doing all he can to keep everyone else away from Doe!”

GHEORGHE: “My God! I guess John Doe got what he deserved after what he did to his partner … ladies and gentlemen .. we’re going to go backstage where we’ll hear from Chaos’ opponent tonight in that PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship title match!”

(CUTTO: Backstage in a darkened part of the arena. All we see is a single arm, the muscle gleaming in the light from the hallway a few rooms over.)

VOICE: “Chaos. The moment is almost upon us. There comes a time in a man’s life when he must exorcise his demons and lay them to rest. To be reborn out of the ashes of the past.”

(The muscle flexes, the vein pops out, a show of its strength.)

VOICE: “You lit a fire in me. A fire that burned through the flesh, caused me to agonize, to change. Now you will face your own creation and watch as he overpowers your and takes that precious championship.”

(The light from the hallway gets brighter and illuminates half of the man’s body. His face remains hidden, but the light exposes the ripped torso.)

VOICE: “Chaos can be subdued. Order can be restored. But nothing can delay the Total Carnage that awaits you. Your body will feel its wrath and your soul will be left in shambles. I am the new face of the P©X division. The only way to restore order when I’m through, Chaos, is to rebuild the devastated landscape from the ground up.”

(We hear a quiet laugh.)

VOICE: “Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice— ”


VOICE: “Well, that’s just not in the cards. I’ll see you soon, Chaos. I’ll see you real soon.”

(CUTTO: Ringside.)


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX

DT: Very interesting goings on there at the end of that match and now over here on the Empire Pro side…we’re gonna take a look at a new signee to the company…Dope.

[CUTTO: Still, blurry shot of a devastated television set, plastic shell caved in, tiny bits of broken glass scattered about on the sidewalk…]

DISTORTED V/O: The sickly sweet humidity short circuits reaction time, that is of the physical, while the mind just can’t seem to shut itself off. N’matter how hard he tries, lies down, closes his eyes, takes another few nips, hoping, in a self consciously futile way, that sleep will come, and he can finally stop thinking…and perhaps dream.

But there hasn’t been sleep in ages, and dreams, not since he was a boy. Well, wait, that is to say he doesn’t “go to sleep” so much as “passes out.” It’s the lack of dreaming that’s more troubling. They say dreams are big purges of all the bad stuff that built up in our heads, yeah? Well, this cat doesn’t dream, and tends to ask himself troubling questions as a result. Like “Am I always dreaming?” “Is any of this happening?”

And, of course, he isn’t and it is, and maybe that’s the problem.

And nights like this, there’s nothing to do but stare at the hotel ceiling, watch the fan spin, and plan his revenge…

Well, “plan” might not be the right word. “Brood upon” would be more accurate…And this much brooding simply isn’t healthy. One starts to question one’s own motivations. One starts to undermine faith in himself. Too much thinking, and you go mad. You’ll answer whatever big questions you need to, sooner or later, unless you’re good and dumb. But the tendency is to just keep right on thinking after that, and soon whatever truisms you’ve created for yourself go all wonky…Too much thinking, and you don’t know the difference between right and wrong. You don’t even know who you are.

Sometimes it’s best to just act on your emotions. Sometimes, for a little clarity of intent, it helps to be stupid.

Especially if part of you already knows what your emotions are telling you to do isn’t a very good idea…..



Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
"The Phenom" Shawn Hart (c) vs. James Irish - EPW Television Title Match

[CUTTO: The EPW table]

DT: We’re back from that to more from the Empire Pro side of things as we move into the Television Title match between challenger James Irish and the unique Shawn Hart.

DM: This is a match that could really not only cement Shawn Hart as a force in EPW by beating someone as well-known and accomplished as James Irish but could also really make a name for the TV Title division here in EPW.

TONY FATORA: Th’ following contest is set for one fall, and is for the Empire Pro Wrestling TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!

MN: WOO YEAH! Top TV title in wrestling baby!

DM: I think New ERA’s TV champ would disagree.

TONY FATORA: Introducing first…

[CUEUP: "I'll Drink to You" by Duke Jupiter, as James Irish emerges from the back with Erin right behind him. He raises his hand and acknowledges the crowd, before marching to the ring, high-fiving some. He slides under the bottom rope, helping Erin as she enters the ring]

TONY FATORA: The challenger, weighing in at two hundred and forty five pounds, he stands an impressive six feet three inches, and hails from Fredonia, New York. With his manager, Erin Flanagan… this… is… JAMES… IRISH!!!

DT: James Irish looking to win some gold here tonight, and he looks in GREAT shape after what he’s been going through recently.

DM: It’s going to be interesting; he’s really coming to the top of his game here in Empire Pro.

MN: Yeah, after he practically BAILED on his partner at Wrestleverse! He’s making a habit of bailing on partners isn’t he?

DM: He turned up for that match, just a little late.

MN: Yeah, whatever – good thing he’s not got a partner to bail on tonight, maybe he’ll just leave the match and give it to the Phenom.

TONY FATORA: And the opponent…

[CUEUP: “Watching the Wheels” by John Lennon, as the TV champ makes his way to the ring through a chorus of boos]

TONY FATORA: Standing five feet eleven inches, and weighing in at two hundred and twenty six pounds, he hails from Orlando, Florida… and since November two thousand and six he has been the REIGNING and DEFENDING Empire Pro Wrestling Television champion… THE PHENOM… SHAWN… HART!!!

DT: The man who has had a strangle hold on that title since he beat Mike Evers back in November, Shawn Hart!

MN: Now, James should just leave now, he’s going to lose anyways.

DM: Don’t be so quick to count James Irish out, Mike

MN: [interrupting] That’ll be Bryan Weatherby’s job when Irish BAILS!

DM: At least he can bail; I don’t think anyone would stump up the money for you if you got arrested.

MN: And why would anyone arrest me?

DT: For being annoying. Bryan Weatherby showing off the TV title belt… and here we go! Shawn Hart springing across the ring, but Irish moves! Hart hits the corner hard, and there’s a series of right hands from the challenger!

DM: Irish picking Hart out of the corner after that HAYMAKER of a right, Irish whip across the ring, and a BIG hiptoss takes him down.

DT: He waits on Hart to get to his feet… and a forearm straight to the jaw!

MN: NO!! His phenomenal smile!

DM: Will be a little crooked now. James Irish spins Hart around… Atomic Drop!

DT: And a HARD DDT in the middle of the ring!



Easy kickout there by Hart, who almost got beaten in less than two minutes!

MN: He’s just… trying to tire Irish out! Yeah, that’s right…

DT: Hart had that massive escape against Foxx recently, so maybe Irish will be too much for him. He certainly is right now, as Irish picking him up… and there’s the headbanger’s ball!

Crowd: Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Ten!!

DT: Hart’s staggering in there, he can’t get a break! Irish with the whip across the ring again… SPINNING HEEL KICK! Shawn Hart is down and rolling to the outside as James Irish celebrates with the fans!

DM: A bit early to be celebrating. I think Hart left himself too open when he charged in, and Irish has just taken full advantage of it.

MN: Who knew he was so smart?!

DT: A lot of people. Erin telling James to stay on Hart, Irish to the outside… thumb to the eye by Hart as they make their way… woah!

MN: Looks like Hart’s going to have Irish repeat school by hitting his head on the desk.

DT: The champ with a knee to the gut, winds up… BLOCKED! Irish slamming Hart’s head into out announce table, and he rolls him quickly back into the ring!

DM: And the champion is begging off!

MN: Strategy.

DT: No, cowering! James Irish looking round to the fans, grabs Hart by the head…

Crowd: Ooooh!

MN: Told ya!

DT: Shawn Hart with a headbutt to the stomach! Follows it up with a hard right hand, and just DRIVES Irish’s head into the knee there! Follows it up with an elbow drop, hooks the leg…



Kickout by Irish! But Hart’s not too bothered, ramming his knee into Irish’s head!

DM: I think he’s trying to keep Irish away from mounting an offence for a few minutes at least, give Hart the chance to clear the cobwebs from that early flurry.

DT: That’d be smart, as he picks the larger man up…and takes him down with a bulldog!



No dice!

MN: Kevin Nash isn’t here.

DT: What?

DM: Vinnie Vegas.

MN: Surprised you didn’t know that, Burger-man.

DT: I’m not even going to comment. Shawn Hart picking James Irish back up, and a stiff right to the jaw rocks the Fredonia native!

MN: Total control, JUST as I predicted!

DM: Or got from the psychic hotline. I saw you on your cell to them earlier.

MN: Shut up! At least my names aren’t switchabable!

DM: Switchabable?

DT: Guys, the match? Shawn Hart taking Irish into the corner, driving the knee to the gut, and takes him down with a sweet release Northern Light’s suplex! Look how stiffly Irish landed there! Hart springs over for the cover



MN: He bailed out of that pin attempt.

DT: Enough about bailing!

MN: Just because he’s the best person to have if you’re in a sinking ship.

DT: *groans*

DM: Hart picking Irish back up off the canvas… right hand by Irish!


DT: Hart with a knee to the gut shutting him down, Irish whip into the far corner. Charging in… BIG monkey-flip to take Irish down.

MN: Flipperonie-O!!

DM: Can I hit him?

DT: Go ahead.

MN: Ha-ha – you missed!

DT: But Shawn Hart didn’t miss that legdrop! Right across the throat, and this match has taken a real slow-down. Kinda surprising with Hart, better known for flying.

DM: But he’s showing some great tactics here. Lifting Irish up, snapmare take down.

DT: Floats into a cover



Kickout at two by the challenger.

MN: Just a matter of time.

DM: Hart applying a straight-jacket on the canvas now, as Erin Flanagan tries to encourage James – he was in total control up until that headbutt.

MN: Hart was tiring the bailer out. His strength had to take a phone call!

DM: Enough, Mike!

MN: Never!

DT: Shawn Hart trying to keep Irish grounded, but the challenger’s managing to work his way to his feet… trying to turn… YES!! James Irish reverses the straight-jacket, and drops Hart down in that very hold with a foot to the back of the knee!

DM: And Hart is telling the ref he’s nowhere near going to give up.

DT: Hart trying to power his way back to his feet – he’s giving up about twenty pounds here!

DM: True, but where there’s a will…

DT: There’s a way, obviously, with Hart now standing, trying… he reverses NO! Reversal into a straight-jacket drop by James Irish! The crowd going nuts as James Irish slaps Hart on the back of the head. Waits for Hart to get to his feet… back suplex!

DM: Both men going for the neck it seems.

DT: Irish with Hart back up, Irish whip off the ropes… HUGE hip toss! But he’s staying on top of him, taking him down with a headlock take down into the middle of the ring.

DM: Trying to wear him down, take the champion right out of his game.

DT: Hart slapping the mat out of frustration in there, this has got to be infuriating for him! Irish has totally changed the direction of this match.

MN: It won’t last.

DT: Hart trying I think to roll Irish onto his shoulders, but James Irish just wrenches back on the neck!

DM: But Hart’s trying to shake him off with a shot to the kidneys.

DT: Hart with another rabbit punch, and Weatherby’s telling him to stop using the fist. Irish though bringing Hart up in the headlock, switching round to a front-face lock… DNO! James Irish I think telegraphed that one, and Shawn Hart shoves him off as he tries the DDT!

MN: Boo-yah!

DT: Hart quickly hooking the legs, jumps over



Kickout again by the challenger! Both men quickly back to their feet, Irish swings a lariat, Hart ducks. Irish charging in… SLINGSHOT through the ropes by the champion!

Crowd: Booo!!

DT: The crowd letting Hart hear it as James Irish is sprawled on the floor after that tumble!

MN: Loser!

DT: Hart jaw-jacking with the crowd from the apron… double axe handle across the back of Irish! Erin looks a little concerned, but she’s keeping her distance, as Hart lifts Irish up, and just RAMS him back first into the ring apron!

DM: That smarts.

DT: Shawn Hart with James Irish up… scoop slam onto the floor! Bryan Weatherby telling him to bring it back into the ring, but Hart’s ignoring him, whipping the challenger into the barricade. Follows it up

Crowd: WOOOH!

MN: YAY! They remembered the light sign!

Crowd: WOOOH!

DT: Shawn Hart with repeated

Crowd: WOOOH!

DT: chops to the chest, and the fans that were booing him are joining in the


DT: ing.

DM: It is catchy. Flair should’ve copyrighted it, he wouldn’t have such problems getting divorced if he had.

DT: Shawn Hart rolling back into the ring as Brian Weatherby kept on counting, but he’s right back outside again, SLAMMING Irish’s head off the ring steps! He rolls him back into the ring



Thkickout there, a little more labouredly than we’ve grown accustomed to from Irish tonight!

MN: Just a matter of time now, Bailer!



DM: Didn’t miss that time.

DT: Shawn Hart has James Irish back up, hooks him in a reverse headlock… drops him reverse DDT onto Hart’s knee! And a proper reverse DDT has him down! Excellent combo there by the TV champ. Shawn Hart quickly sitting up on the top rope… DRIVES the elbow across the jaw!



Kickout again by the challenger!

MN: But Hart’s right back on the attack, picking him up…

DT: And down in a HUGE high-angle back suplex! James Irish just crumpled like a candy wrapper!

DM: Nice metaphor.

DT: Weatherby’s checking James Irish, and Erin looks VERY concerned – he came down pretty hard on the back of his neck there. Shawn Hart swinging his foot at Irish, Bryan Weatherby trying to get him back.

SH: Come on, James, you gonna bail on me?

MN: See? I’m not the only one.

DT: That slap to the back of the head was uncalled for! Bryan Weatherby trying to force Hart back, Hart just shoves him into the corner. Picking Irish up by the hair… Irish is really sluggish, Hart can barely lift him… manages to get him back to his feet, Irish whip… ROLLING back into a Boston crab!

MN: That was SWEET!

DT: Bryan Weatherby quickly into position, but James Irish is already trying to turn his way out of it… and Hart lets go to drop the knee into the small of the back!

DM: A concentrated effort, taking out the spine – if someone’s back and neck are damaged, they’re going to be moving very gingerly, and they’ll be ripe for the

DT: Picking Irish back up again, drops him with a knee to the face. Crossing Irish’s legs over, rolling him… OUCH!!

MN: What do you even call that one?!

DM: A bridging toe-hold reverse figure four into a neck lock?

DT: Shawn Hart is just wrenching on the neck, pulling back… wait! Why is Hart shouting in pain?!

DM: I don’t know, I can’t see from this angle… yes I can! James Irish has a neck-lock on Shawn Hart!

DT: Shawn Hart bridged back too close to James Irish, and the man from New York state is getting Hart to break the hold by practically using it on him! And Hart can’t break the hold because he locked his leg between Irish’s!

DM: This is… one of the more bizarre counters I’ve seen.

DT: James Irish finally breaking the hold, and repeated stomps to the back, the chest, the back… and a BIG splash!



KICKOUT by the champion, and Shawn Hart is rolling over to the ropes to try and gather his thoughts, I don’t think he expected Irish to come back like that.

DM: But James Irish is taking a bit of time himself, holding the ropes – he charges in, shoulder tackle to take down the champion. Comes back off the ropes – BIG clothesline! Hart’s reeling in there, as Irish scoops him up… SNAKE-EYES into the corner! Not as effective as it would be coming from Dalkichev or Eisenkreuz, but still.

DT: Pushes Hart back into the corner, drives the elbow in and mounts the ropes…punches incoming!



DT: Bryan Weatherby trying to get Irish off the ropes… JUMPING DDT!! James Irish jumping up and catching Hart with a DDT on the way down!! Rolls over, the cover

The count


THNO!! SOMEHOW Shawn Hart managed to kick out despite the high impact of that DEVASTATING DDT!!

DM: But Irish is taking control again, dragging Hart to the middle of the ring. Lifting him up… SIDE Russian leg-sweep to take him back down, and switch into an arm-bar!

DT: Shawn Hart though quickly rolling into it


Irish forcing Hart back to the canvas and break the pin attempt!

MN: Come on Shawn! Don’t let it take so long!

DT: James Irish breaks the hold, but takes the champ down with a boot to the head! The crowd really behind the challenger, and he turns to salute them!

DM: Mistake! Shawn Hart gets to his feet and SPEARS Irish as he turns around!

DT: Hart grabbing the legs of Irish – sharpshooter time?

SH: Wanna go home, jackass?

DT: Home?


MN: That’s a Texas cloverleaf, Dean – you need a stronger prescription.

DT: Shawn Hart using James Irish’s own Fredonia Cloverleaf, in the middle of the ring! Going right back to the back he worked on on the outside earlier, and James Irish has nowhere to go!

DM: Hart’s got it locked in tight, too, sitting right down – Dean Malenko would be proud of this one.

DT: James Irish screaming in pain from his own submission hold!

MN: Serves him right for that counter earlier. He should just tap and call it a day.

DT: Erin Flanagan is PLEADING with James not to quit, and Hart’s just leaning further and further back!

DM: If he goes back much further he’ll be able to pull off a modified Vixen’s Tail!

DT: James Irish is struggling, trying, and clawing to get some momentum and head towards the ropes.

MN: Not gonna happen! RETAIN THE TITLE!! Retain…

DT: Bryan Weatherby is right there, asking James if he wants to quit, but James Irish is shaking his head, inching his way over to the ropes.

MN: There!! He tapped!!

DM: He did not! He slapped his hand down to give himself more impetus.

MN: Isn’t that what you suffer from, oldie?

DM: No, impotent is what you are. James Irish is trying to shake Hart’s balance slightly and use that split second to start moving to the ropes.

DT: He’s stuck though, I don’t see much of a way out of this.

DM: He’s trying… inching…

DT: Hart releases the hold! Shawn Hart stomping away on the back of James Irish, BIG high elbow drop, rolls him over…



THRENO!! James Irish manages to kick out! Shawn Hart can’t believe it, as he picks Irish up and throws him through the ropes back to the outside!

MN: Fun time!

DT: Bryan Weatherby trying to chastise Hart, but Hart just heads straight to the outside and rocks Irish with a right hand! Irish struggling, trying to get to his feet. Hart doubles him up with a knee to the gut, picks him up… NO! James Irish slips out the back door and shoves Hart into the barricade! Hart turns… CLOTHESLINE INTO THE CROWD! SHAWN HART JUST WENT SPILLING INTO THE CROWD FROM THE FORCE OF THAT DISCUS CLOTHESLINE!

DM: And the rest of the crowd appreciates it!

DT: Bryan Weatherby is up to a count of four, as James Irish is on his knees, holding his back. Shawn Hart is trying to pull himself up using the chairs and the barrier, I think he hurt himself when he went over.

DM: James Irish is starting to get back up, rolling back into the ring and breaking Weatherby’s count – he rolls back out though and moves over to Hart.

DT: Hooks Hart in a front-face lock… BIG face-first suplex onto the floor to bring him back over the barrier! James Irish still moving slow after that cloverleaf, but he’s picking Hart up again, and rolls him back inside. Follows him in



THRKickout by the champ!

DM: James Irish not wasting much time though, trying to use the ropes for support to get to his feet. Waiting on Hart… DDT!



NO!! Kickout AGAIN by Hart! James Irish, STILL not able to put away the man that knocked him out of TEAM’s invitational!

DT: But he’s not looking too worried, more fighting the pain in his back. He tries to bring Hart back to his feet… thumb to the eye by the champion! Desperation move, James was building up steam there.

MN: Never!

DT: Shawn now with a kick to the gut, arm-wringer – kick to the shoulder. Wrings the arm again, kick again ROCKER DROPPER! Shawn Hart with the Rocker Dropper!



THRENKICKOUT!! Shawn Hart is livid with Bryan Weatherby, yelling at him to count faster!

DM: But look at the consummate champ, grabbing Irish off the canvas as he yells at the ref.

DT: Backing Irish up against the ropes, whip across the ring… BIG dropkick to the face on the rebound!




MN: Why prolong the inevitable, James?!

DT: Shawn Hart picking up the challenger… BACKBREAKER! He picks him up again, dragging him to the corner… something big coming up, Dean?

DM: Looks like it.


DM: This is hard hitting action, fans.

DT: James Irish trying to pull himself up by the ropes near Erin, she’s willing him on as Hart is trying to catch his breath, that had to knock the wind out of him! James Irish, the challenger, looking for his first gold in Empire Pro Wrestling… he’s back up, waiting on Hart… DOUBLE ARM DDT! DOUBLE ARM DDT!



THRNOOO!! AGAIN Hart with the kickout!

MN: Come on, Champ!

DT: James Irish, trying to pick Hart up again SMALL PACKAGE!



THRENO!! James Irish this time managing to kick out at the last second from that sudden small package!

MN: And no Beau Michaels in sight.

DT: Both men slow to get to their feet, Bryan Weatherby trying to check on Hart. Hart’s in the corner, Irish charges NO!!

DM: Squashed ref! Over ice!

DT: Shawn Hart pulled Bryan Weatherby into the corner as he got out of the way, and James Irish just FLATTENED the referee!! HART ATTACK! HART ATTACK! HART ATTACK!!

DM: Not the same.

MN: But there’s no referee!! DAMMIT!!

DT: Shawn Hart pulled the ref in the way, and hit the Hart Attack on Irish, but the ref’s hurt! Bryan Weatherby is on the canvas, Hart’s going for a cover, but he only has himself to blame!

MN: Bryan slipped into the corner, you know it.

DT: He did not slip, Mike. Hart’s yelling at Weatherby to get into position, but Weatherby’s still trying to get his breath back – he’s holding his right shoulder, the one that hit the corner. Hart giving up on the cover, he’s got James Irish up by the hair. Boot to the gut, and LIFTS him onto the top rope! Is he going to try a suplex again?

DM: Looks like.

DT: Shawn Hart, following James Irish up to the top rope – this has been a see-saw match-up tonight! Right the way up, hooks the head… BLOCKED! A clubbing blow to the back, he tries again, but he can’t dislodge James Irish from the top turnbuckle! Looks like he’s going to change his move… HURRICAPOWERBOMB! POWERBOMB! SHAWN HART JUST BOUNCED FROM THAT TOP ROPE POWERBOMB REVERSAL BY JAMES IRISH!! Irish is sitting back on the ropes, trying to get himself into position… FUNK NUMBER FORTY NINE! FUNK NUMBER FORTY NINE! HE HIT IT! HE HIT IT!!


DT: James Irish into the cover, and Shawn Hart isn’t moving! Bryan Weatherby, crawling, dragging himself into position, Erin Flanagan willing him on, the crowd willing him on, James Irish willing him on…


MN: No….


DM: If he drops his hand a third time it’s over!



DM: Bryan Weatherby was too hurt to count at the right speed, and that gave Hart time to kickout!

DT: James Irish can’t believe it! He’s yelling, what does he have to do to win this match?

DM: Beat Hart.

DT: Here he comes again, slowly picking Hart up… INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!! Shawn Hart in real pain… SMALL PACKAGE! HART’S NOT MOVING!


DT: Bryan Weatherby again drags himself into position…

DM: What the?!


DM: What’s he doing here?!









[SFX: *dingdingdingding*]

TONY FATORA: Th’ winner of the match… and STILLLLLL Empire Pro Wrestling Television Champion… THE PHENOM… SHAWN… HART!!!!

DT: What a cheap win for Shawn Hart and just what the hell is Frankie Scott doing out here anyway?!

DM: I don’t know, but this certainly would be an odd pairing…..Shawn Hart and Frankie Scott. Maybe we’ll hear something more later tonight or tomorrow on our second night.

DT: Well, let's hope so.....
Last edited:


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
A Woman's Ambition

(NOTE: Off Camera....)


No answer.

Knock knock.

Still no answer.

Foxx stood there a moment. Karl had said he'd meet her outside his locker-room after they'd showered. She'd even hurried her shower so she wouldn't be keeping him waiting, but he was nowhere to be seen. She knew this was his locker-room - it even had his name on it. "One of the perks of having a title," he'd joked to her once at the gym. But here she was, her hair still damp, and he was nowhere to be seen.

What could be taking so long? He couldn't use the "I was washing my hair" excuse. She stood, arms crossed, staring at the door. Should she knock again? The techie she'd asked a few moments ago said he hadn't seen Karl leave the room. She tapped her fingers on her own arm.

"Men!" she would have exclaimed if she was that way inclined. Since she was not, she rapped her knuckle against the wooden door again, the sound echoing with a hollow resonance. And she waited.

And waited.

"Jeez..." she almost fumed to herself "What's taking him so long?" She reached out, placing her hand on the handle before speaking up a bit. "I'm coming in."

She found herself quickly in the locker-room, casting her eye first this way, then that way. On a table near the door was a small stereo, playing a CD of heavy metal - what it was she couldn't say straight away. It wasn't turned up too loud, so that can't have been why Karl hadn't replied. On the wall next to the door was one of three benches in the room, bare. Just then, she heard the sound of running water - was he still in the shower?!

She continued looking around the room, moving further in. He wouldn't mind, she murmured to herself, as she moved unconsciously towards the bench on the opposite wall. There, laid out, was a pair of jeans, on top of a white T-shirt, and other odds and ends. Next to this neat pile, was Karl's gym-bag, a book - the Dalai Lama's "Little Book of Wisdom" - clearly visible. Also on top of the bag, glistening and polished, she spotted the Empire Pro Wrestling Intercontinental Championship belt, and a bottle of water. She paused for a few moments, admiring the belt where it lay - despite training with him recently, Karl had not taken the belt with him. "I normally leave it at home," he told her, "when I don't have a match. Better someone can admire it than it sits in a bag going across the country."

There was something curious about the way the light glistened off it. Without really thinking, she picked the belt out of the bag, holding it carefully. She'd seen the TV title often enough, but this was the closest she'd been to the Intercontinental. She stood straight, looking straight at the main medallion, and didn't hear the water suddenly stopping.

"You can have it if you want."

She started, dropping the belt slightly. As she turned, she saw Karl standing there, a white towel wrapped around his waist, with another across his shoulders. His hair was messed up, and looked slightly damp still - he'd obviously just dried it with a towel. He smiled slightly, his hands on his hips.

"No, thanks," Foxx said, returning the belt to the top of the bag. "Not until I've earned it, anyways."

"That long, eh?" He laughed. She laughed too, politely; though she wasn't too concerned with titles, it did sting a little that she'd not been able to at least get her hands on the TV title in her numerous attempts. She had, after all, been the constant in the hunt for the title.

"Well, we can't all be great like you."

"Great?" He laughed again, moving over to the bench and sitting down. "It took me over two years to win anything. I was pretty much the perennial runner-up."

"Yeah," she interrupted. "But that was normally for the World Titles, right?"

He paused for a moment, remembering his early career. Second place in MCW's World Title tournament, NWL's World Title tournament, third in the Natural Selection in 2004, quarter-finalist in Empire Pro's World Title tournament - he had a lot of World Title opportunities early on.

"The difference there, between me and you," he said, calmly, "is I was in companies when they started. You're probably doing better than I was at the same stage."

"Thanks," she smiled politely. "But... I dunno, something's missing. I don't seem to be going anywhere, like I've already peaked."

"Nowhere near," he smiled, standing again, and instinctively giving her a hug. She returned it, wrapping her slender arms around his chest.

Thank you, she thought.

Pulling back, he stepped back as well, looking at his friend. She spoke softly; "Go on, be honest. I suck, right?"

"Nope," he replied, without a hint of a lie. "You just make mistakes, like everyone does. I mean, you pinned Karla Starr, had Shawn Hart down for the three count, pinned Troy Douglas - when you hit your stride, there aren't many people better. But..." he thought a moment if he could put it tactfully. Probably not. "You don't hit your stride when you need to."


"What I mean is," he sat back down, reaching into his gym-bag and pulling out a bottle of water. "You make a lot of mistakes, and the caliber of people here means more often than not they punish you for it."

"So I'm not as good as you say?" she grinned; now she had him.

"I didn't say that," he took a swig from the bottle. "You just aren't consistent enough. I dunno, maybe you haven't had a big enough challenge."

"And what would a big enough challenge be?"

He thought about it for a second. A second too long as it turned out, as she interrupted. "You, maybe?"

"If you want," he shrugged with his voice. He'd never really cared who he faced on any given card anyways. "You're going to say you've already had it booked, aren't you?"

"No!" she started. "I only did that to be sure for tonight, I told ya I could've changed it."

"I'm kidding," he said, smiling. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Great! I'll go talk to Paul." She turned, starting to the door, so didn't notice Karl looking at his title belt.

"Hold up a second."

"Yeah?" She looked puzzled.

"I'll go talk to him," he replied. "I wanna let him know I agree to it being a title match."

"You what?" She spluttered. She hadn't thought of that - a match for the Intercontinental Title that he'd held for fast approaching two years!

"I think you've earned it," he said, grabbing hold of his belt. "But... I won't go easy on you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less."


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Mystery Man vs Chaos (c) - NEW P©X Title Match – Stipulation TBD

(CUTTO: A large chain lying in the center of the ring. Wrapped around the chain are layers and layers of barbwire. On each end of the chain is a handcuff. The referee checks the chain and the cuffs to make sure everything is in working order. CUTTO: Announce booth.)

GHEORGHE: “We want to welcome you back from that incredible Empire Pro Television Championship match between James Irish and Shawn Hart, who remains the TV Champion for now … but you know that Hart will need to make sure to get tons of R&R for tomorrow night’s main event when he’s set for another battle against five of New ERA’s biggest stars for the New ERA World Heavyweight Championship.”

JULIUS: “But look in the ring right now, Gheorghe .. the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship is about to be put on the line .. and the champ, Chaos, doesn’t even know who he’s facing.”

GHEORGHE: “Well .. whoever it was has a history with Chaos .. saying he forgave him .. but wouldn’t forget…”

JIVE: “I can tell you .. after this match … whoever it is won’t soon forget the beating he’s going to take. And he’ll have the scars from the barbwire to keep as a souvenir.”

(CUTTO: Ringside. Carl Jacobs steps forward as the lineup is “scratched” on screen.)

JACOBS: “Ladies and gentlemen .. the following match is scheduled for one fall .. and is for the PRODIGY© CLASSIC XTREME CHAMPIONSHIP! … This match … is a BARBWIRE CHAIN MATCH! Both competitors will be connected at one wrist by handcuffs to a metal chain .. which has been wrapped in BARBWIRE! Introducing first… the challenger..”

GHEORGHE: “Who is it? Who is the man that gave Chaos the doves … and said earlier that he’s going to take the P©X division and turn it on its head?”

(CUEUP: “Anthem for the Year 2000” by Silverchair. The lights go down and the big screens “EXPLODE” … or at least the images do.. on the left hand big screen, the word “TOTAL” comes into view as the dust settles … where on the right, the word “CARNAGE” does the same. A HUGE EXPLOSION goes off in the middle of the platform and stepping through the smoke is tonight’s challenger.)

JACOBS: “He stands six foot five .. and weighs in at 283 pounds …. hailing from Sarasota, Florida …. TOTAL CARNAGE …….. TREVOR … CANE!”

(Cane starts walking down the rampway and he finally becomes much more visible. But gone is the Trevor Cane we once knew .. in his place stands a man who is much more muscular. His tights are blue and gold and have “TC” written on the back in a destroyed-looking font.)


JULIUS: “Jesus Christ! Look at the man! He gained twenty pounds of pure muscle it looks like!”

JIVE: “Chaos hasn’t faced anyone nearly this big I don’t think .. he’s been facing MWG and John Doe amongst others … but Trevor Cane seriously looks like a much bigger threat than, I think, ever before!”

GHEORGHE: “Cane with a new attitude to boot! Look at the intensity in his eyes .. he looks like he could do some Total Carnage here tonight at WrestleSTOCK!”

(CUEUP: “You Could Be Mine” by Guns n’ Roses. The crowd immediately begins to jeer as random fireworks shoot up around the arena. A flashbomb goes off on the rampway briefly illuminating it. Chaos storms through the curtain, the P©X Championship hanging by his side in his hand.)

JACOBS: “And his opponent … he stands seven feet tall and weighs 305 pounds .. hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada … he is the current PRODIGY© CLASSIC XTREME CHAMPION ….. CHAOS!”

GHEORGHE: “And Chaos doesn’t look too pleased to be looking across the ring at the man who caused him to lose the P©X Championship to MWG … and even though he technically got his revenge already .. you know he’d love to send Trevor Cane packing once more!”

JIVE: “The referee explaining the rules to both men .. and look at the sneer on Trevor Cane’s face!”

(SFX: Bell rings.)

JULIUS: “And Cane wastes no time driving the chain and the barbwire in the face of the champion!”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos wasn’t ready for it .. and he just got a face full of barbwire! Trevor Cane rakes it across the face .. and now he is popping the champion in the jaw with some hard right fists!”

JIVE: “The Trevor Cane we used to know used to be methodical .. wearing down his opponents .. but this roided up Trevor Cane … he’s taking it to Chaos early!”

GHEORGHE: “Cane continuing with the attack as he drops Chaos to the mat with a vicious forearm to the head … and now he’s placing the knee right on the throat of the P©X champion!”

JULIUS: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Chaos taken to the mat this quickly in a match .. he’s definitely been caught off guard .. but you know that with Chaos he’s going to recover … and that’s never a good thing for his opponents.”

GHEORGHE: “Cane now takes the chain .. AND WHIPS IT HARD AGAINST THE CHEST OF CHAOS! The barbwire caught .. and you can see the drops of blood beginning to form!”

JIVE: “I hope both administrations have a fresh ring apron .. because this one is about to be christened!”

GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane now placing the chain across the throat of Chaos .. by God .. what is he going to do? Cane … CANE DROPS THE LEG ON TOP OF THE CHAIN!”

JULIUS: “And he just hurt himself in the process … but Chaos with scratches across the throat.. there better be a medical team on hand after this match is over with!”

GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane stands and he looks to be limping slightly as he grabs Chaos and starts to bring him to his feet. Cane now with the big man .. he hooks the head .. and hits the swinging neckbreaker!”

JIVE: “Cane actually injecting some wrestling into this match .. if I were him, I’d just continue ripping bits of Chaos’ flesh out with the chain!”

JULIUS: “Chaos in a situation he’s not used to .. he hasn’t been able to get an inch of offense in this match thus far.”

GHEORGHE: “Cane with Chaos … he grabs the chain .. and yanks Chaos forward! Chaos coming at Cane .. and he sends Chaos to the mat with the drop toe hold! Cane floats over the top .. AND HE HAS THE CHAIN AROUND THE NECK OF THE CHAMPION! He is pulling back on it … and that barbwire has nowhere else to go but into the skin of the P©X champ!”

JIVE: “And Chaos reacting .. he just raked the eyes of Cane! Cane disoriented for a second, and that’s all Chaos needed as he tossed “Total Carnage” off him!”

GHEORGHE: “Cane trying to get his vision back … and the big man is getting to his feet … and look at how red his throat is! That barbwire didn’t seem to do any more damage, but it sure irritated his neck.”

JULIUS: “Not as much as it irritated Chaos himself, though.. the champion grabs Cane by the head of the hair … and he locks on a choke hold!”

JIVE: “There are no disqualifications in P©X division matches … and Chaos could literally choke the life out of Cane and there’d be no reprimand .. besides from the legal system maybe..”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos positions himself … and he hoists Cane high over his head!! Chaos with a HUGE bodyslam … and now he’s wrapping the chain around his elbow!”

JULIUS: “These guys putting their own body on the line to try to inflict as much damage on their opponent as humanly possible.”

GHEORGHE: “AND CHAOS DROPS THE ELBOW RIGHT INTO THE STERNUM OF TREVOR CANE! Cane shoots up in pain … and Chaos quick to rip his arm out from the barbwire! The PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme champion’s elbow is starting to drip blood … as is Cane’s chest … and now Chaos slams the chain down repeatedly on the chest of “Total Carnage” Trevor Cane!”

JIVE: “That chain must weigh six to seven pounds by itself …”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos now placing his boot in the .. armpit of Trevor Cane … AND HE STARTS YANKING ON THE END OF THE CHAIN! Chaos is trying to dislocate the shoulder of Trevor Cane!”

JULIUS: “Smart move! Whoever said Chaos was a big, dumb ogre must have been on something!”

JIVE: “Haven’t you called him that in the past?”

JULIUS: “Shut it!”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos continuing to pull on the chain … Trevor Cane now trying to sit up .. no! He’s going for the leg …. TREVOR CANE IS BITING CHAOS’ LEG! Chaos releases the chain .. AND HE BOOTS CANE RIGHT IN THE FACE!”

JULIUS: “The field goal … is good!”

GHEORGHE: “Cane now bleeding from the nose .. Chaos could have broken it!”

JIVE: “I’m sure Trevor Cane will take a bloody nose over a dislocated shoulder right now ..”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos grabs Cane and yanks him to the feet via the chain .. and now he locks his hand around the throat … Trevor Cane trying to fight Chaos off … BUT CHAOS LIFTS HIM HIGH IN THE AIR ………… AND DROPS HIM WITH THE CHOKESLAM! Chaos with the cover …. ONE …………. TWO ……….. THREE-NOOOOOOOOO!”

JULIUS: “Trevor Cane still has fight left in him .. and you can bet that Chaos is secretly happy that Cane kicked out. Getting the pinfall is just the formality .. but the beating would happen either way!”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos down on one knee as he places it in between the shoulder blades of a sitting Cane .. and now Chaos grabs the arms of “Total Carnage” … and he is trying to stretch them backwards! I don’t think the arms are supposed to go that far … but Chaos sure is trying!”

JULIUS: “Cane bulked up in his time away from the ring .. and if Chaos continually works over the arms and shoulders, Cane won’t be able to use any of that newfound strength in this match .. and without that .. he’s a sitting duck.”

JIVE: “I think Cane, just by being himself, is already a sitting duck to Chaos.”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos already sent Cane out of commission once .. and you know there’s nothing he would love more right now than to do it again .. and this time do it permanently.”

JULIUS: “I’m still impressed with Cane’s newfound physique .. and his new drive that we saw earlier in this match.. it still remains to be seen whether he can bounce back now that Chaos has taken control of the match.”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos releases the hold on Cane and brings him to his feet .. Chaos grabs some of the chain slack .. and whips Cane across the back with it! Cane drops to a knee … AND CHAOS WITH A SECOND SHOT! AND A THIRD! Trevor Cane now on both knees as he heads for the ropes!”

JIVE: “Cane trying to get to the ropes .. but even if he gets there, the referee won’t do anything about it!”

GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane now standing by the ropes as Chaos wraps the chain around his arm … AND CHAOS CHARGES IN …………… BUT CANE DROPS DOWN AND BACK BODY DROPS THE CHAMPION OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE ARENA FLOOR!”



JULIUS: “Cane had the right idea … just turns out that the momentum of Chaos, and the fact he wrapped some of the chain around his arm, meant that there wasn’t enough slack … and Cane ended up being pulled out of the ring rather unceremoniously.”

JIVE: “And Cane … he just grabbed his arm and is yanking on it .. I think that actually caused his shoulder to dislocate!”

JULIUS: “With the help of Chaos’ attempts earlier most likely.”

GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane is lying next to the P©X champion on the arena floor .. and is trying his hardest to jam his shoulder back into place .. but he’s not having much success … he’s looking very worse for wear right now.”

JULIUS: “You try being in a barbwire chain match with Chaos .. hell, try being in ANY match with Chaos, and tell me you’d be singing show tunes..”

GHEORGHE: “I doubt I would be singing show tunes ..”

JULIUS: “You’re right, I’m sorry .. Jive’s the one who loves show tunes..”


GHEORGHE: “Ha, ha! Trevor Cane finally looks to have popped his shoulder back into place … but he took a pretty hard spill himself .. and both men are still on the arena floor!”

JULIUS: “Chaos has had a stranglehold on the PRODIGY© Classic Xtreme Championship .. the only three time New ERA champion in ANY division …”

GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane finally back to his feet as Chaos starts getting to his knees … Cane now wrapping the chain around his arm again .. not sure I’d do that considering he just had to pop his shoulder back into place…”

JIVE: “Cane knows what he’s doing … I hope.”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos on one knee now as Cane charges towards the apron … Cane slides underneath the ropes .. and out to the other side .. AND HE YANKS CHAOS INTO THE STEEL POST!”

JULIUS: “Cane using the momentum there .. and now he’s coming back towards the champion!”

GHEORGHE: “Cane bringing the barbwire chain with him .. and he walks around the champ .. and slides back in the ring … and back out …. and he’s doing it again!”

JIVE: “He’s trying to tie Chaos to the ringpost!”

GHEORGHE: “That barbwire chain getting tighter and tighter across the chest of Chaos … AND NOW CANE GOES INTO THE RING …. AND PUTS BOTH BOOTS ON THE SECOND TURNBUCKLE AS HE STARTS PULLING BACK ON THE CHAIN!”

JULIUS: “He’s trying to cut Chaos in two!”

GHEORGHE: “The barbwire is digging DEEP into the chest of the P©X champion … and the champ’s chest is starting to bleed… or rather, starting to gush!”

JIVE: “Maybe Cane thinks he’d have a better shot at taking the P©X Championship if he only fought Chaos’ upper body …”

(SFX: A loud “roar.”)




JIVE: “Cane is out cold!!”

JULIUS: “Chaos loosened up some of the chain … and now he’s dragging Cane’s body towards him! Chaos grabs Cane … and he starts rolling him through the ring … and again! … Chaos is free!”

GHEORGHE: “Trevor Cane might need to take another half year sabbatical after this match! I can’t believe this! Where did Chaos get the strength?!”

JIVE: “Look at Chaos’ eyes! They’re about as red as his chest .. and his back … and his neck!”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos grabs Trevor Cane … AND WHIPS HIM ACROSS THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIN! The champion now grabbing “Total Carnage” … and he rolls him into the ring … and Chaos is getting in there with him!”

JULIUS: “It might have been a nice ride for Cane so far tonight … but I think he drove Chaos to the breaking point.”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos picking up the limp Cane … he sets Cane up .. and now he tucks the chain in between his legs as he grabs the arm …”

JIVE: “Oh boy .. this pumphandle slam is going to hurt more than just Cane’s lower back…”

GHEORGHE: “AND CHAOS WITH THE PUMPHANDLE SLAM!! That barbwire chain ripping some of the cloth off Cane’s tights … and who knows what else underneath!”

JULIUS: “He’s calling for it! Chaos is calling for the end of the match!”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos dragging Cane’s body over to the corner with the chain .. and now he picks him up … Chaos places Trevor Cane on the top rope …”

JIVE: “Chaos follows him up … but what is he doing?!”


JULIUS: “He’s going to Chaosbomb him … right onto the barbwire chain! He’s going to break his back!”

GHEORGHE: “Chaos places the head in between his legs ….. and he lifts his arms HIIIIIIGH in the air!”



JIVE: “Chaos with the cover….. ONE …………….. TWO …………. THREE!! HE DID IT!! CHAOS RETAINS!”

(CUEUP: “You Could Be Mine” by Guns n’ Roses. The referee walks over to Chaos who is still lying on the mat!)

GHEORGHE: “Chaos comes out victorious here at WrestleSTOCK … and what a hellacious battle between those two … something tells me that this thing isn’t quite over … Trevor Cane looked like he had a new purpose here in New ERA .. and while he may not have succeeded tonight … there’s still a bright future for him now.”

JULIUS: “That is if he doesn’t end up in a wheelchair tomorrow!”


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
War of the Ro....err....Daymons

GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentlemen … we’re going to send you over to Dean Matthews, Dave Thomas and Mike Neely for Empire’s next match here tonight in just a moment … it should be a brutal affair as it’s the King of the Cage FINALS … JA taking on “Triple X” Sean Stevens! But first, we’re gonna go to EPW’s roving reporter Mojo Massey, who’s standing with a man well known to both EPW and NEW fans…Rocko Daymon!”

[Cut to the backstage area, where reporter extraordinaire MOJO MASSEY stands ready and waiting with a smile and a mic in hand. Standing beside him is a familiar masked person wearing black fatigues.]

Mojo!: Heya guys, you’re not going to believe who I just ran into back here. I’m now standing with the mysterious individual whose presence has had quite an effect in recent events spanning across EPW, NEW, and even TEAM. Although, I guess it’s not quite a mystery any longer…

[The figure removes the scarf covering the lower portion of the face, and Caitlyn Daymon scowls back at the EPW reporter.]

Caitlyn: Go piss up a rope, Mojo.

Mojo!: Just what do you have planned for tonight?

Caitlyn: Tonight? Nothing in particular. I was tempted to walk into that ring later and put Sean Stevens in his rightful place, but I suppose it would be wasted effort at this point.

Mojo!: I’m surprised you didn’t cost him his match against your husband, Rocko Daymon, at the last Aggression.

Caitlyn: Yeah, well… I was about five seconds from doing that until the Vanilla wannabe beat me to the punch. I’ll admit, I made a mistake by not considering his incompetence as a threat to my plan… but life moves on. Tomorrow night, Rocko competes for the NEW World Title, and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t walk away with that belt. Tonight, I’m doing a little recon.

Mojo!: You know, if you keep sticking your nose into his affairs, one day, he’s bound to discover you, and… well, needless to say, I wouldn’t want to be present for whatever follows.

[Caitlyn throws her head back and releases a cackle that makes Mojo wince in surprise.]

Caitlyn: Have you forgotten who you’re talking about? This is the same guy who is too stupid to know his WIFE has been helping him win all his matches in the past few months. Believe me, Mojo, I’ve taken SHAFT from that moron over the past ten years.

Mojo!: Uhh…

Caitlyn: Rocko won’t discover anything, because I’m always a step ahead of him. He’ll continue moving up the ladder, thanks to me, all the while oblivious to his own success. The man is nothing more than a puppet, and I am his master. And you know why, Mojo?

Mojo!: I think—

Caitlyn: It’s because I have a brain, AND HE DOESN’T!! The idiot doesn’t realize that he’s NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT without me in his corner! Without me, he’s nothing! He’s just a walking, talking JOKE that everybody else points and laughs at. He’s an EMBARRASSMENT, Mojo, and I’ll be damned if I live another day with his bull**** rubbing off onto me.

Mojo!: Mrs. Daymon?

Caitlyn: WHAT?!

[Mojo looks off camera uneasily, and Caitlyn turns to follow his gaze. The camera pans over, and standing not far off from where they are, with his hands on his hips and a scowl on his face… is ROCKO DAYMON!]

Caitlyn: Oh, **** me…

[Rocko approaches them, slow and calm in his stature. He comes to a stop in frame with Mojo standing between. He reaches from the scarf in Caitlyn’s hand and takes it from her, glances at it with disdain, and tosses it aside with a “tsk”. He leans in close to look his wife straight in the eyes, whose own gaze shows no signs of letting a single inch of herself be intimidated.]

Mojo!: Uh, Rocko… care to give a word?

[Rocko looks from his wife to Mojo, takes the mic, and looks from Mojo back to his wife.]

Rocko: Too stupid to figure it out, huh?

Caitlyn: Burn in hell, Rocko.

Rocko: I’ll deal with you in just a moment. But first…

[Rocko turns to the camera.]

Rocko: So everybody thinks Rocko Daymon is the laughing stock of professional wrestling. Hardy-har, laugh it up folks… Rocko got fooled by his wife. Doesn’t matter if it’s Empire Pro or New ERA… ol’ bonehead Rocko is simply seen as a JOKE. And you know why that is Mojo?

[Massey shakes his head.]

Rocko: It’s because they need a scapegoat. They don’t have the ****ing spine to take a look in the mirror, see their own mistakes, and face them like men. No, they’d rather find someone they can pick apart on national television and make him out to be a fool… just so they can feel better about themselves. It’s the tell-tale sign of people who lack the confidence in their own abilities to simply say it how it is, go into that ring, and just do it—what I do on a nightly basis, in other words.

[Rocko again glances at his wife, then back to the camera.]

Rocko: Well I hope you all had a good, hearty laugh… because after Wrestlestock… Rocko Daymon will be no laughing matter. I PROMISE that after I step into the ring tomorrow, my name will only lead opponents to shudder with fear and dread. I’ll show them that the only JOKE is their own inability to get the job done the way a PROFESSIONAL does it.

[He turns to Caitlyn yet again, who continues to sneer inches from his face.]

Rocko: And as for YOU. I guess after ten years of matrimony with two children isn’t enough your appetite for attention. A tad jealous that you always had to be in my corner instead of in the spotlight?

Caitlyn: Perhaps. Or maybe I’m just a little pissed off to see this LOSER take up the spotlight for ten years as opposed to somebody who TRULY deserves it after all the **** she’s put up with in all that time.

Rocko: Don’t forget who brought you into this industry. Never ONCE did I lack appreciation for you support, but apparently, riding on my coattails isn’t enough for you.

[Rocko leans in close, an inch away from their face. Both sets of eyes are practically on fire.]

Rocko: Now, you’ve got a choice. You could either get your sorry ass out of my sight for the rest of my life, or you can come down to that ring with me tomorrow night. No masks, no gimmicks… just a single opportunity to redeem yourself in my eyes. You can either go out there with me as CAITLYN DAYMON… or leave this industry remembered as nothing more than Rocko Daymon’s hot wife. Either way, if you think you can snag all of Papa Bear’s spotlight for yourself, then you’ve got another thing coming, *****!

[Caitlyn’s right hand comes across his face like LIGHTNING!! Mojo’s eyes nearly bulge out of his skull in sheer amazement. Rocko reels momentarily and goes stiff.]

Caitlyn: You son of a *****…

[Caitlyn stomps out of frame, leaving Mojo in the awkward position of being on camera with Rocko, who straightens himself and stands with his hands on his hips, looking away from where his wife departed. His face is emotionless.]

DT: JESUS CHRIST!! Did you guys just see that?

DM: I guess this is the end of Rocko and Caitlyn Daymon!

Mojo!: Wow… Rocko, are you just going to take that and let her walk away?

[Daymon takes in a deep breath, eyes squinting light years into the distance as though he were having a truly Ronnie James Dio moment.]

Rocko: Yes, Mojo. Most people might think I’m an asshole, but I still have morals. If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s the kind of coward who hits his wife.

Caitlyn: Oh yeah?

[Unexpectedly, a CHAIR comes into frame and PASTES itself into Rocko’s face!! Daymon sprawls to the floor and Mojo ducks aside, as Caitlyn steps into frame again, teeth clenched and practically steaming at the ears.]

Mojo!: MY GOD!!


[Caitlyn positions herself over Rocko’s body and begins pressing the chair down over his neck! Rocko strains to keep his air-supply from being cut off. Mojo steps into the frame again with the mic, leaning down near Rocko’s face.]

Mojo!: Well, Rocko… I guess she doesn’t see things the same way.

Rocko [raspy]: You know what I just realized, Mojo?

Mojo!: What’s that?

Rocko: Morals are for pussies!

[With a SURGE of strength, Rocko shoves Caitlyn off his neck and rises to his feet! Caitlyn regains her balance and runs in for another strike with the chair… but Rocko meets her with a boot to the gut causing her to double over, and he doesn’t hesitate to put a right hand into her cheek, sending her to the concrete floor. Immediately, Rocko looks shocked at his own actions.]


MN: Good… that woman needed to be TOLD who was boss!

Rocko: My God… I don’t know what just came over me…

[He reaches down to help her up, but Caitlyn reacts with a LOW BLOW that leaves him howling at a high note!]

DM: MY GOD, not the jewels!

DT: Caitlyn follows up with an uppercut that nearly knocks his head off! A quick series of rights and lefts sends him reeling back…

DM: Are we… calling this?

MN: I didn’t hear a bell ring, and last I checked, I only get paid to call SANCTIONED matches… but this sure is damn entertaining!

DT: Caitlyn finishes off the punches with a GRACEFUL roundhouse kick—BUT ROCKO CATCHES IT WITH HIS, and LEG WHIPS her into the concrete wall! Rocko catches her by the arm and PUTS HER TO THE FLOOR with a hip-toss!

[Daymon stands over his wife, shaking his head with disappointment.]

Rocko: Okay, I think you’ve had enou—

[Before he can finish, Caitlyn’s arm shoots up from the bottom of the frame and catches him by the lower lip, dragging him back to the floor.]

Caitlyn: You haven’t begun to hurt, pig!

DT: Jesus, Caitlyn is REFUSING to be put down!

DM: Caitlyn with a BIG RIGHT HOOK into Rocko’s face! Follows with a BOOT to the gut, and a HARD right knee to Rocko’s face that sends him to the floor!

DT: Caitlyn pressed forward… but Rocko kicks back with both legs, knocking her into the CAMERA MAN!!

[As the image readjusts, we find Rocko standing again, fists clenched and held up in front of his face.]

Rocko: You’re starting to piss me off, woman.

Caitlyn: I’m not your WOMAN, you misogynist piece of garbage!

DT: Caitlyn LUNGES FORWARD with a HUGE left that nearly busts Rocko’s face open! Follows with a RIGHT hook… a JAB… a JAB… takes him by the collar—BIG HEADBUTT NEARLY CRACKS HIS FOREHEAD DOWN THE MIDDLE!!


MN: MAN, this just redefines domestic violence! Where the hell is Jerry Springer when you need him?

[Rocko grabs Caitlyn by the hair and pulls her to her feet.]

Rocko: *****, you picked a fight with the wrong man.

DT: Caitlyn responds with an ELBOW TO THE GUT… follows through with a SNAPMARE, and a DROPKICK into Rocko Daymon’s back!

Caitlyn: You’ve had this coming for YEARS, jackass!

DM: Now it’s Caitlyn in control, bringing Rocko to his feet… and now she’s leading him into the crew area!

MN: Outta the way, guys! Domestic dispute!

Caitlyn: BEAT IT, cocksucker!

[Caitlyn shoos away a ring worker from a nearby coffee machine and grabs the steaming cup he was waiting on… and tosses it toward Rocko—]

DT: ROCKO DUCKS OUT OF THE WAY, just in time to avoid a SPLASH of scalding hot coffee to the face!

MN: MY GOD, she hit Larry the sound guy instead!

[The unlucky crew member falls out of the frame, clutching his face and screaming. Caitlyn turns around—]


DM: Caitlyn on her feet, and Rocko comes after her… but SHE MEETS HIM WITH A DROP TOE HOLD THAT PUTS HIM FACE DOWN INTO THE SPILLED COFFEE!!

DT: Now she’s mounting his back and driving his face even further into that hot coffee!!

Rocko [strained]: Hey, all I need from you now are some bacon and eggs! Maybe when you’re done making that you can iron my shirt too, huh?

Caitlyn: Bastard!

DT: Caitlyn DRIVES Rocko’s face into the concrete, but Rocko pushes himself to his feet and shrugs her off! Caitlyn back up and JUMPS onto Rocko’s back, digging her NAILS INTO HIS FACE—BUT ROCKO REACHES BACK, TAKES HER BY THE HAIR, AND DUMPS HER TO THE FLOOR!!

Rocko [panting]: Temper, temper…

DM: My God, these two are beating the HELL out of each other.

MN: Can’t imagine what the sex must be like…

Rocko: I think you need to cool off…

DT: Now Rocko’s going to the concessions table where all the drinks for the crew have been set up… and he knocks everything aside!

MN: Must be a bummer for being a ring crew member and having all your beverages taken out by these two bickering spouses…

DM: Don’t tell me he’s going to put his wife through a TABLE!?

DT: Rocko has the table set up and he turns around…


DT: BUT CAITLYN LUNGES ONTO HIM LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL, and Rocko falls back onto the table with his wife on top, beating the HOLY HELL out of his face!!

Caitlyn [snarling]: YOU BASTARD!! I’LL RIP YOUR FACE OFF!!

Rocko [between blows]: Uh, Cait—

Caitlyn: Years of putting up with your SELF-STROKING SINGLE-MINDEDNESS have nearly driven me to the point of INSANITY!!

Rocko [strained]: Yeah, but—

Caitlyn: I swear, hell or high water, this world will remember CAITLYN DAYMON before you, you pathetic, chauvinist PIG!!

Rocko: Your tit’s hanging out.

Caitlyn: Huh?

[Caitlyn falls for the bluff and looks down to check, giving Rocko the perfect opportunity to nail her with an eye gouge!]

Rocko: Heh heh… and you think I’M the idiot?

DT: OOOH!! Now that was uncalled for!

DM: Rocko shifts his weight and rolls Caitlyn over onto her back, and now HE’S on top!

MN: Yeah, I bet he likes it on top. He’s gotta show her who wears the PANTS in the family!

DT: Rocko gets a handful of Caitlyn’s hair and starts LAYING INTO HER RELENTLESSLY WITH A BARRAGE OF HEAVY RIGHTS!! MY GOD, HE’S GOING TO BUST HER FACE WIDE OPEN!! Why doesn’t anybody DO anything about this?!

MN: He done told her FIFTY times, by my count!

DM: Rocko finally comes off his wife, but keeps a grasp of her hair… and WHIPS HER FACE FIRST INTO A COKE MACHINE!! Caitlyn stumbles back, and Rocko takes her by the arm… AND NEARLY RIPS IT OFF AS HE SWINGS HER INTO A STEEL GARBAGE CAN!! Daymon keeps his grip, and WHIPS Caitlyn into the wall!! She connects back first, and the back of her head SMACKS HARD against the concrete brick surface!!

DT: Caitlyn stumbles forward, and Rocko catches her around the mid-section… AND FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH A TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE!! MY GOD, WHAT CARNAGE!! IS ROCKO TRYING TO KILL HER?!

MN: Looks like the Y chromosome prevails yet again!

[Panting and somewhat chuckling to himself, Rocko Daymon dusts himself off and begins to walk away from the scene of carnage involving his wife lying limp amid the remains of a broken table.]

Rocko [panting]: You’re finished, woman. Though I gotta hand it to ya… you put up a hell of a fight.

[Without warning, a piece of the table comes sailing through the air and bounces off the back of Rocko’s head! Stunned and wincing slightly, he spins around… only to find…]


[Caitlyn wipes the blood trickling from her lower lip and spits off to the side. Her eyes are practically flaming as she raises her fists again.]

Caitlyn: There’s still some fight left in this woman, asshole!

[Rocko grins slightly as he stands looking back with his hands on his hips.]

Rocko: That’s it… now I’m pulling the gloves off.


DM: Rocko comes in with a SPEAR—BUT CAITLYN LEAP FROGS OVER HIM, AND DAYMON RUNS HEAD-FIRST INTO THE COKE-MACHINE!! There are CANS spilling all over the floor!


DM: It’s Mr. Pibb, Mike. Dr. Pepper is a Pepsi product.

MN: MR. PIBB?! What a gyp… he didn’t even earn his degree in soda-making!

DT: Daymon pulls himself out of the hole his head put into that vending machine… but Caitlyn’s already there, and she brought a STEEL CHAIR!! Caitlyn NAILS Rocko across the back with a chairshot, sending her husband reeling!!

DM: Rocko falls to his knees… but his hands find a loose steel pipe! He gets a grip, and SPINS AROUND WITH A HOMERUN SWING THAT BLASTS CAITLYN ACROSS THE FACE!!


DM: AND ROCKO REACTS BY DRIVING THAT PIPE INTO CAITLYN’S GUT!! Caitlyn doubles over… and a KNEE LIFT BY ROCKO finally puts her to the floor!

DT: Daymon’s standing over her… but Caitlyn grabs hold of a soda can, and BEAMS HIM ACROSS THE FACE!! Rocko reels back and Caitlyn gets back to her feet… she shakes up the can… BUT ROCKO CHUCKS ANOTHER CAN DIRECTLY INTO HER FOREHEAD, and THE ONE IN HER HANDS EXPLODES IN HER FACE!!

MN: MY GOD, guys… I thought I’ve seen everything… but this is by far one of the coolest backstage brawls I have EVER witnessed!

DM: Rocko steps forward and meets Caitlyn with a boot to the gut… and tries to follow up with a POWERBOMB—BUT CAITLYN COUNTERS WITH A HURRICANRANA THAT PUTS ROCKO ON HIS BACK!!

DT: The two of them come to their feet together… and Rocko Daymon greets his wife with a BIG RIGHT HAND that nearly causes her eyes to pop out of her head!! Rocko follows up with ANOTHER RIGHT… AND ANOTHER… AND A LEFT HOOK to throw her off… and he PRACTICALLY LEVELS HER WITH A BIG HAND OF GOD DISCUS PUNCH—BUT CAITLYN STAYS ON HER FEET!!

[With eyes full of rage, Caitlyn turns back to her husband and spits a molar into his face. Rocko blinks with surprise as the loosened tooth bounces off his forehead and falls at his feet.]

Rocko: Jesus Christ!

[His face is immediately filled by her fist as it comes driving into his face like a Mac truck.]

DT: Caitlyn follows up with a SPINNING HEEL KICK, and Rocko goes SPRAWLING toward the floor!!

MN: That woman’s got a hell of a chin on her…


DT: How much longer are these two going to go? We’ve got to get on with the other matches!

DM: You wanna step in between them and break it up, Dave? Be my guest. Nice knowing you.

MN: Nobody ain’t stopping ****!! Watching Rocko discipline this woman is QUALITY entertainment!

DT: We’re going to get women’s’ rights groups up the ass after this…

[Rocko again grabs Caitlyn by the hair and drags her to her feet and proceeds to lead her down the hallway. He approaches the first door he comes to, labeled “Parking Lot”.]

Rocko: Nah…

[He leads her over to the next door, which reads “Boiler Room”.]

Rocko: It’s been done to death.

[He brings her next to the restroom area… where the first door reads “Men”, the second reads “Women”, and the third reads “Beau Michaels”.]

RD: …weird.

[Finally, Rocko, with his wife’s head clinched under his arm, comes to a door that reads “Training Room”.]

RD: Bingo.

[With full force, Rocko tosses Caitlyn into the wooden door, which is knocked off its hinges as she falls into the room!]

MN: Where the hell are they going?

DM: That’s the training room… where the Giants go to work out and rest up in between games.

MN: I thought the JETS played here?

DM: They both do…

DT: The camera crew is following Rocko into the room… and OH!! He narrowly ducks as a curling bar goes HURTLING THROUGH THE AIR and crashes into the wall behind him!

Rocko: Heh… you throw like you drive!

[Daymon IMMEDIATELY doubles over as a circular weight is thrown into his midsection! He hits the ground as another follows, aimed at his head!]

DM: Rocko pounces forward… and CATCHES CAITLYN before she can throw another one of those weights! Rocko RAMS HER against the concrete wall… and DROPS HER ONTO A NEARBY BENCH!!

DT: And now he’s going into the spot position… and, oh my God, what’s he doing with that BAR?!

DM: Rocko lifts the bar, but Caitlyn grabs hold and begins pushing back! Jesus, there must be twice her body weight in IRON attached to that weight bar!! And Rocko’s just pressing it down on her, across her neck!

DT: Caitlyn’s in a tight situation now…

MN: Heh heh… “tight”.

DT: BUT CAITLYN STRIKES BACK WITH A HIGH KICK that sends Rocko flailing backwards… and MY GOD, what STRENGTH in that woman as she just PRESSES that bar off of her and tosses it aside!

DM: Caitlyn back on her feet… but Rocko catches her off guard by tossing a HUGE MEDICINE BALL INTO HER FACE, and she goes DOWN!!

DT: Caitlyn’s coming up again… but Rocko meets her with a SHOULDER BLOCK to the face that knocks her into a rack of barbells! Now he has her by the hair, and he’s leading her over to the physical therapy section!

MN: What the hell is that he’s leading her toward… a bath-tub?

DM: No, Mike. It’s one of those big metal tubs the athletes soak in. The hot, bubbling water calms their muscles.

MN: …the Giants and Jets have their own Jacuzzi in the stadium? Do they, like… do gay things in there?

DT: Rocko’s got her by the head, and he’s leading her to the tub… but Caitlyn gets the foot up in time, and DUNKS ROCKO’S HEAD INTO THAT STEAMING WATER!!

MN: Ew…

DM: Is she trying to DROWN him?!

[Rocko’s limbs spastically flail about for a grip as he gurgles helplessly beneath the surface of the water. Caitlyn’s teeth are clenched in absolute rage.]

Caitlyn: You like THAT, “hubby”?! I always figured you always wanted to DROWN in a pool of MALE SWEAT!!

DT: Rocko, with a SURGE of strength, knocks Caitlyn back and FINALLY pulls his head out of the water!! Caitlyn lunges for his throat, but Rocko takes hold of her arm and SLAMS HER INTO THE NEARBY METAL TUB!!


[Rocko steps back and takes a breather, chuckling at his own work.]

Rocko: You know only I can make you really wet!

[With a FLOURISH, Caitlyn comes springing out of the water like a lion released from its cage, knocking Rocko backward!]

DT: Caitlyn’s still alive and kicking! She just picked up a long piece of wood used as a splint… and BREAKS IT OVER ROCKO’S HEAD!!

DM: Daymon down and reeling… but he finds a loose fluorescent light bulb, and COMES BACK TO CATCH CAITLYN ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT!!

DT: Caitlyn teetering, and falls against the wall… but her hands find a “No Smoking” sign, and she rips it off the wall, and MOLDS IT OVER ROCKO’S HEAD!!! She follows up with a BOOT TO THE GUT that knocks Rocko into a MEDICAL SUPPLY LOCKER!!

DM: My God, he fell INTO the locker!! There’s nothing LEFT!!

[Groaning, Rocko pulls himself from the wreckage of gauze and tubes and rubber gloves. As he comes to his feet, his eye catches something bulging from his right shoulder. It’s a syringe, stuck inside of him! He points at it and looks with irritation in the direction of his wife.]

Rocko: ………………..OW!!!

[Cursing, he slowly pulls the needle from his shoulder and tosses it aside.]

Rocko: Woman, I’ve had it up to here with you!

[Daymon raises his fists as Caitlyn comes sprinting at him…]


Rocko [panting]: When I think of all the years we spent together… at home, all across the ******* WORLD… and this entire time, you were only in it to further YOURSELF!! You’re nothing more than an ungrateful, self-centered piece of garbage!

[A towel across the face cuts him off-midsentence.]

DM: AND CAITLYN COMES BACK WITH A SUPERKICK!! Caitlyn with a series of rights… a BIG punch to the gut… and follows up with a HAYMAKER that puts Rocko to the ground!

Caitlyn [panting]: Oh, listen to you! It’s all, “ME! ME! ME!” Did you ever once think about the needs of your WIFE?! Did you just expect me to stand there and nod my head to every ******* little thing you said and NEVER have a voice of my own? Over my dead body!

[Rocko comes springing at her from the floor.]

DT: MY GOD, LOOK AT THESE TWO GO AT IT!! Rocko with a series of HEAVY punches, but Caitlyn comes back with a PUNCH TO THE THROAT and an EYE RAKE!!

DM: Caitlyn goes for the takedown… but Rocko KEEPS HIS GUARD UP and stays on his feet! He jams a hand in her face… and CAITLYN BITES DOWN ON HIS THUMB!!


[Rocko PROPELS himself forward, knocking Caitlyn’s head into the wall! But Caitlyn fights back, leg-tripping him to the floor and ending up in the mount position!]

DT: Caitlyn’s back in control! She’s going for another series of punches… but Rocko gets one arm behind her head and the other across her neck to keep her out of strike range!

DM: Great ground work on Rocko’s part…

MN: I’m sure these two have plenty of practice.

[Suddenly, Rocko FLIPS Caitlyn over onto her back, and the two of them slowly come to their feet again.]

Rocko [panting]: “Needs”? …I’m the one… that did all the work!

[Rocko BLASTS Caitlyn with a right hand, but she stays standing!]

Caitlyn [panting]: You wouldn’t… have done any of it… without MY help!

[Caitlyn RETORTS with a right hand of her own, but Rocko doesn’t go down!]

Rocko [panting]: If you… wanted a piece of the action… all you ever had to do was ask…

[As he says this, Rocko steps forward and catches Caitlyn in the forehead with a SUPERMAN PUNCH that puts her to her knees!]

Caitlyn [panting]: Sure… I coulda… but it’s much for fun kicking your ass!

[Caitlyn DECKS HIM with a hammerblow to the mid-section, and Rocko doubles over! He grabs his abs in PAIN and coughs up blood!]

Rocko [strained]: Damnit…

…are you as turned on as I am right now?

[With an exasperated grunt, Caitlyn SMASHES HER FIST into Rocko’s jaw, sending him to the floor! With every last bit of strength in her body, Caitlyn pulls herself to her husband and grasps both hands around his neck!]

Caitlyn [strained]: You ugly, worthless, loud-mouthed piece of ****…

…God, I ****ing love you.

[Without hesitation, both of their faces passionately crash into each other. They’re left embraced together on the wreckage-littered floor as Mojo Massey reenters the frame, shaking his head in disbelief. Mic in hand, he turns to the camera and clears his throat.]

Mojo!: This reporter has seen many things during his tenure with Empire Pro Wrestling. I’ve seen champions come and go… promising hopefuls fizzle out into upsets, and nobodies escalate into surprising stars… but what I just witnessed tonight is beyond a doubt, one of the most ****ED UP THINGS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!

[Mojo shakes his head again. The strain around his eyes would indicate that he is perhaps traumatized by this event.]

Mojo!: I guess we can all learn something from this. Sure, men and women have their differences… but in the end, a well-communicated compromise between both ends is the best result. Or, if you’re not into that kind of thing, you and your spouse could just beat the living hell out of each other until you’ve vented your frustration and get back on track.

[A smile crosses his face as he looks off into the distance. Few times do we ever see Mojo step into the spotlight. On this night, he’s feeling a tad poetic.]

Mojo!: I guess we can call it one of those mysteries of life… how bottled up emotions eventually explode into a violent foray! We can see, in moments like this, just how frail and flawed the human mind is, and how we must cherish our ever-growing respect for each other as—

Rocko: Hey, Mojo!

[The reporter turns around to find both of the Daymons angrily looking back at him.]

Rocko: Get the hell out of here!

Mojo!: Uh, right, sorry…

[Hurriedly, Mojo and the camera crew leave the room, and we cut back to the guys at commentary.]

MN: That……….. was……………….. AWESOME!!

DT: Only you would take amusement from a fight like that, Mike.

MN: Next time my wife gives me any lip… BAM!! Right across the face!

DM: Mike, don’t kid yourself. One, you don’t HAVE a wife, and two, if you did that against any woman who couldn’t fight back like Caitlyn Daymon just did, you’d find yourself in Riker’s faster than you can say “Ass-Pound Central, Yoo-Ess-of-Aye”.

MN: …….San Francisco?

DT: Can we just cut to commercial already?

DM: We don’t have commercials, Dave. It’s a Pay Per View.

DT: Damnit, let’s just get on with the next match then!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
"Triple X" Sean Stevens vs. JA - EPW King of the Cage Final

TONY FATORA: Th’ following contest, is a special CAGE MATCH! The winner will be the first participant to exit the cage, and have both feet, touch the floor. Not only will they be named the number one contender for the Empire Pro Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship at Russian Roulette, but they will also be crowned the two thousand and seven KING OF THE CAGE!!

Introducing first…

[CUEUP: “Public Service Announcement” by Jay Z. Fireworks explode as the song kicks in, “Triple X" Sean Stevens stepping through the curtain, with his hair soaking wet, clad in a 100% cotton, "Blue-Eyed Badass™" t-shirt, black tights, with neon blue X’s on the legs and rear. Sean pauses at the top of the ramp, giving the audience the once over, then thrusts his arms in the air before continuing his walk down to the ring]

TONY FATORA: Making his way to the ring, he comes to us from Orlando, Florida, and weighs in at two hundred forty five pounds…

The Blue Eyed Badass – Triple X… SEAN… STEVENS!!

[Sean Stevens steps through the door to the cage, eyeing the crowd, as the music fades.

CUEUP: "Eat the Rich" by Fozzy. JA stands behind a silhouetting curtain so that you can only see a shadowed outline of him, back facing the door and wingspan outstretched. Then, as soon as the lyrics kick in, a giant bang of pyro blows up and JA hops around through the curtain with Lollipop following behind him. After that, it's the usual face fare; slapping hands, answering cat calls and generally hamming it up for the crowd.]

TONY FATORA: And his opponent, weighing in at two hundred and nineteen pounds, he hails from Philadeplphia, Pennsylvania… he is a former Empire Pro Wrestling Intercontinental Champion, and is the self-professed Guru of Gimmick Infringement…

The Anglo Luchador… JAY…. AY!!!

DT: Well folks, it’s been a long time coming, but finally, tonight, we see who’s the King of the Cage!

DM: We’ve seen a lot in this tournament.

MN: Yeah. Ass-rape by Beau Michaels, Missus Daymon helping her husband win matches.

DM: And the first EVER win for Ice Tre.

DT: But tonight, we see two gladiators going at it. And here we go! Sean Stevens charging right in at the bell, hammering away at the masked head of JA with right hands! A hard chop across the chest forcing JA back, Stevens with the Irish whip, duck under the clothesline, but Stevens takes him down with a leg lariat!


DM: Wrong country.

DT: Sean Stevens, Triple X, picking JA up by the mask… RIGHT BY JA! JA firing back with right hands, forces Stevens into the corner! Irish whip, reversal… MOONSAULT BY JA!

DM: Fast paced action here in the early going; I’ve got to think that benefits the Luchador.

DT: Good thing for Triple X pin-falls don’t count in there today, eh?


DT: JA lifting Stevens up by the hair, and a HARD slam down to the canvas! Measures him… drops the elbow across the sternum!

MN: He’s obviously cheating. Obviously.

DT: No, Mike, he’s not. Stevens rolling over to the ropes, as JA runs to the other side… CLOTHESLINE knocking Sean Stevens to the ring apron!

MN: Stop cheating, Anonymous!

DT: The former Intercontinental Champion looks in real control right now, and Sean Stevens, trying to get his second World Title shot here in Empire Pro, groggily getting to his feet. JA over, hooks the head, blocked by Stevens! JA trying for a suplex, Stevens blocks again… HANGMAN!

MN: Kew-el!

DM: Mike in major idiot mode.

DT: But JA’s probably wishing he hadn’t tried for the suplex so early, as Sean Stevens coming back in, and a HARD Russian leg sweep takes him down!

MN: Oh yeah!

DT: Who writes Mike’s lines?

DM: I dunno. Whoever it is needs to be sacked.

MN: Seriously.

DT: Sean Stevens grounding JA now, driving the knee into the ribs, and just picks him up and shoves him again back into the corner! Right hand to the gut, and another one. Boot to the gut, right hand to the temple, and a massive headbutt has JA reeling in the corner! Sean Stevens is just laying into JA in the corner, scoring an elbow to the top of the head – he’s not letting him out!

DM: It’s a smart thing to do. Those kicks and a lot of those punches are hitting the ribs, that could come into play the longer this match goes one.

DT: JA trying to get away along the ropes, but Stevens there with him, right hand to the gut, and DRIVES his face into the steel meshing!

MN: You know, this is much better than JA’s last cage match. Easier on the eye.

DM: Not much is less pleasant to watch if you’re straight than a Beau Michaels match.

DT: Sean Stevens in complete control here, has JA backed into the corner. Attempts the Irish whip REVERSAL! Sean Stevens chest first into the corner, and JA follows it up with a splash!

DM: You can expect a lot of back and forth in the early going.

DT: Shades of Ricky Steamboat there, JA with a hard chop to the chest and another right between the eyes! Rams Stevens’ head into the turnbuckle, and a snapmare takes him down!

DM: Rather slower than I thought he’d go at this stage, dropping the fist there for a second time, and goes to work with an elevated armbar!

MN: In a cage match?! WE WANT BLOOD, DAMMIT!!

DM: Mike, some of the best cage matches of all time have had no blood.

MN: Name one!

DM: Bret Hart against Owen Hart.

MN: Yeah. Pink and black. Great.

DT: JA wrenching back on the arm, you’ve got to think that right now, the aim is to wear down an opponent in such a way you don’t leave yourself open to counterattack.

DM: That’s the smart thing to do. But a lot of times, you don’t have time to think it through that much, so JA’s giving himself time here with this armbar, applying pressure on the shoulder and pulling back on the elbow.

MN: Ladies and gentlemen, Dean!

DT: Sean Stevens is trying to get to his feet, but JA’s keeping him on the canvas, just twisting the arm back, bending it right against the knee there, and Dean, that’s gotta hurt.

DM: I’ll demonstrate on Mike later and show you how much.

MN: Leave me out of Burger-boy’s quest for knowledge.

DM: Knowledge is dangerous to Mikes?

MN: Exactly!

DT: Stevens being picked back up in that arm bar, and a full… twist there by JA before driving the point of the elbow into the shoulder, and quickly grabbing the arm into a hammerlock on the canvas!

DM: Much better chain wrestling than I thought we’d see.

DT: JA not wasting much time in that hold, again targeting the shoulder of Triple X with the right hand! Waiting on him to get back up… wristlock applied.

MN: Zzzzzzzz…

DT: JA leading Stevens around the ring in the wrist lock


DT: BIG show of strength by the Luchador, lifting Sean Stevens CLEAN off the canvas and holding him up for a few seconds!

DM: Sean’ll have troubles with that arm later.

DT: JA still holding the wrist lock, lifting Sean again… and…

Crowd: *massive cheer*

MN: eep!

DT: Sean Stevens’ll be a few octaves higher! JA just DROPPED him across the top rope… rather… erm…

DM: Painfully.

DT: Sean Stevens, straddling the top rope… and JA’s making him ride it!

MN: Like JA rode Beau Michaels’ face.

DT: Five, six, seven, eight… and Stevens is still bouncing as the crowd go wild! Sean Stevens, in a lot of pain, as JA runs to the ropes… and takes him down with a springboard dropkick!

DM: The crowd are erupting!

DT: And JA is playing to the crowd following that dropkick to the shoulder.

MN: I can’t believe this!

DT: He’s definitely in full control, it looks like Stevens is having trouble with his right arm, he’s struggling with it getting up. JA moving back over, boot to the gut, and just SNAPS the arm down!

DM: That’ll make it harder for Triple X to climb the cage, so JA’ll just have to keep him away from the door.

DT: JA still holding the arm, but Stevens pushing him back to the ropes, slingshot off, JA across the ring, slides under the legs, off the ropes, under again! Off the ropes, swings Stevens around, hard in ARM DRAG!

MN: Crap!

DM: Definitely shades of Ricky Steamboat in there, he’s surprisingly me.

DT: JA with the arm bar locked in, wearing down Sean Stevens, and we’ve only seen the cage come into play once so far.

MN: I know. It’s getting dull.

DT: Stevens, trying to roll out of the hold, does manage to force himself onto a knee… making it back to a vertical base now, pushing back JA… and a left to the gut manages to break the hold. Stevens favouring that right arm, knee to the gut, and into a side headlock!

DM: But JA’s very quickly trying to fight out of it, moving back to the ropes, and pushes Stevens off.

DT: Leapfrog there by JA, Stevens back, JA leapfrog again, Stevens putting on the brakes, and atomic drop! BIG atomic drop by Steven Shane, and he almost takes his head off with a running lariat!

DM: But he overexerted the shoulder on that one, his right arm looks like it’s hurting after that one.

DT: Change of plan in order?

DM: Probably, you normally go into a match with a couple of different plans.

DT: Sean Stevens, with JA up – headbutt, and a back elbow takes him down!

MN: Nice and slow, slow and steady, no mistakes.

DM: It also gives his right arm a chance to wake up.

DT: With him back up again, off the ropes, SPINS him over with a left to the gut, and he’s quickly on him again with a knee to the mask!

DM: We could be in for a long haul here, better get used to it.

DT: Sean Stevens, grabbing the head of JA, and another strong headbutt taking him down. Superb use of the head, as he drops the elbow across the chest, and another one!

DM: He’s probably still planning where to focus on.

MN: I’m sure he knows.

DT: Well, he’s taking a bit of time, shaking his arm out, as JA tries to get to his feet. Stevens with a kick to the gut, spins him around, and a BIG high angle back suplex, right on the neck!

DM: That’ll make JA groggy, stiff, and sore.

MN: Like Lollipop makes him every night?

DT: Mike…

MN: That’s my name.

DT: Whatever. Triple X on the offensive, roughly picking JA up off the canvas, and he THROWS him through the ropes into the cage! I bet JA’s lucky he wasn’t thrown a couple of feet further over, he’d’ve gone head first into the solid support strut!

DM: Getting thrown into a cage does not feel lucky.

MN: Besides, he missed his brain by eight feet.

DT: Stevens leaning over the top rope, picking JA up and leaning him against the ropes… RUNNING DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD!


DT: Sean Stevens with a bit of innovative offence there, dropkicking JA face first into the cage!

DM: That’s one way to gain momentum.

DT: It certainly is. He’s lifting JA back to his feet, and drives him again into the steel cage, face first! Hooking the head, he’s going to try… BACK into the ring with a suplex! How did he manage to hook him so tightly?

MN: Because he’s great.

DM: Unlike Mike, who’s just grating.

DT: And he’s staying on him, kicking him in the ribs when he’s down, and just lays into him with a rear chinlock.

DM: They’ve been at it for getting on ten minutes in there, and Stevens is probably still trying to get his right arm working properly again after how long he was in the armbars earlier.

DT: He’s using the left arm, crooking it right under the chin, pushing his weight into it, a near perfect chinlock.

MN: You expect something less?

DM: This capacity crowd, trying to get behind JA, and it looks like it might be working a little bit, as he’s starting to turn it into a side headlock. If he manages that he can stand at least.

MN: Then Sean’ll take out his legs.

DT: JA trying a kidney shot, but Stevens just turned and laid him out with a DDT in the centre of the ring!

MN: Is someone EVER going to try to win the match?

DM: And you were telling him to take it slow and not make any mistakes.

DT: But you’re getting your wish, Mike. Sean Stevens starting to climb the ropes, his right arm’s got more movement than it did have and he’s going to try and get over the top.

MN: Good.

DT: Sean Stevens trying to get a grip on the top of the cage – is it me or is it slightly higher this week?

DM: Freeman told me they’d added a couple of feet.

DT: It’s giving JA a chance to recover though!


DT: You might well say that, Mike, as JA comes back and just POWERBOMBS Stevens off the top rope! Clubbed him in the back to slow him down, and DROVE him down to the canvas!

DM: If this were a normal match, I think he’d be going for the cover right about now.

DT: But instead, it’s JA trying to scale the cage!

MN: Stop him, ref!

DT: The referee is not going to stop him, Mike! One of these two men will be squaring off at Russian Roulette against either Lindsay Troy or Joey Melton, and JA is standing on the top rope, trying to pull himself to the top of the cage – but Sean Stevens grabs the leg! JA trying to kick him off, shake him off, but Stevens climbs the ropes with him! Both men, standing on the top rope – this could get ugly!

MN: JA’s involved, it’s can’t get any uglier.

DM: You know, I think Mike’s lines are being written as if he’s Charles Winchester.

DT: JA rocks him with an elbow to the gut, but Stevens slams his face in the cage! JA rocky, throws another elbow, and Stevens is wobbly! Stevens is going to fall! A fourth elbow… NO! Sean Stevens leaps off and takes JA down with a neckbreaker!!

DM: I think he hurt himself when he did that, but it stopped JA from scaling the cage.

DT: And both men are pretty slowly trying to get to their feet, as JA’s holding his neck, and Sean Stevens, up to his knees and shaking his head.

DM: Those kinds of moves do knock the wind out of you.

DT: But Stevens definitely came off better , picking JA up, and back DOWN with a gut-wrench suplex!

MN: That’s what I’m talking about!

DT: A hard stomp to the ribs, I think Stevens’ aim here is to just keep JA breathing heavily, going for the neck, the ribs, as he twists the head, wrenching on the neck.

DM: And he’s jawing with the fans.

MN: Are you surprised? He’s telling the fans what they’re seeing, at least half the people here are idiots.

DT: Our fans are not idiots.

MN: Yeah, I guess you’re right – the New ERA fans probably couldn’t even dial a phone.

DT: I take it you didn’t meet Juliet Marceau earlier?

DM: She turned him down. Too snotty.

MN: Thank you very much!

DT: Sean Stevens still has the neck wrench applied, JA’s not even trying to fight it right now.

DM: He doesn’t absolutely have to. It’ll hurt, but so long as this hold is applied, the only chance Stevens has of winning this cage match is if JA passes out and is deemed unable to continue.

MN: That will soon happen.

DT: A knee to the back of the head there by Stevens! Stiff knee, and he’s picking him back up HEADBUTT BY JA!


DT: JA rocking Stevens with that headbutt, shaking the cobwebs himself, Stevens comes back in but a boot to the gut GUTWRENCH into a backbreaker! And just like that, the momentum shifts!

DM: It doesn’t take much, just the slightest opening.

DT: JA, dropping the leg across the throat of Sean Stevens, and he’s signalling for the door to be opened!

MN: Don’t you dare…

DT: JA starting to walk over to the door – but Sean Stevens up quickly! Racing in, waistlock, reversal. Stevens reverses it again and a BIG release German suplex NO! JA lands on his feet! Stevens back up, backflip dropkick to the face! Sean Stevens just FLEW back into the corner nearest the door!

MN: Why didn’t he just fall out?!

DM: That would’ve been interesting, kind of how Benjamin lost to Ice Tre.

DT: Sean Stevens groggy in the corner, JA charges in… MONKEYFLIP!

DM: Keeps him away from leaving the cage.

DT: And JA’s not going for the door either! He’s back up to his feet, measuring Stevens… backcracker!

MN: That move was as cool as the Caribbean. Not very.

DT: And he’s STILL on the offensive, dropping a knee on the arm and locking in a top wrist-lock on the canvas, driving his fist into the tricep!

DM: Going back to where he targeted earlier, that stronger arm. A lot of guys go for the weaker arm or leg, but if you can take out someone’s stronger side, they’re in more trouble than if you take out their weaker side.

MN: Yes, professor Dean.

DT: JA jumping… and forcing more weight for a few seconds on that arm and wrist.

DM: Picking up Stevens, as we’re fast approaching the fifteen minute mark… and he throws him shoulder first into the ringpost!


DT: You wouldn’t be saying that if Stevens had done it.

MN: You would.

DT: True. But Sean Stevens is the one feeling the pain, as he has his arm just SNAPPED down over the shoulder of JA. JA holding the wrist, Irish whip across the ring, and Stevens – did you see how far he bounced back, chest first into the turnbuckle!

DM: And JA starting to climb the ropes, he might be trying to escape – no. Interesting.

MN: Stupid.

DT: I do think JA might be able to escape the cage right now, but he’s sitting, perched on the top rope, waiting… missile dropkick NO! He missed it and got hit in the back as he flew past Triple X! An impressive counter, using the dropkick against the dropkick!

DM: And Stevens isn’t wasting any time, dropping the leg across the back of the neck.

DT: And quickly switching, grabbing JA by the legs… slingshot into the cage! Straight into the support! JA could be busted open!

DM: And we won’t know for a few seconds with that mask on.

DT: And Sean Stevens, like a shark, grabbing JA and grating his face against the cage!

MN: Sharks don’t do that, Dave. Bad analogy.

DM: I’m not even going to make that Beau Michaels joke. Too easy.

DT: Stevens, ramming JA’s face into the cage – I think he is bleeding! A little bit of blood’s soaking through the mask, as the referee forces Stevens back to get a look at it.

MN: Go on! End the match! Give it to Triple X!

DM: No comment.

MN: And you call me juvenile.

DT: Stevens moving back in, pushing the ref out of the way – BIG clubbing arm across the chest, pulling JA’s head back over the top rope. Elbow to the top of the head, I think he’s trying to make him gush through the mask.

MN: Bad, Dean. No jokey.

DM: You’re the one with the sick mind, Mike.

MN: … I hate you.

DT: Stevens, bringing JA back in through the ropes, stiff chop across the chest! JA back against the ropes… what’s Stevens doing?

DM: Trying to tie him up in the ropes.

MN: Good thing Beau isn’t out here.


DT: This isn’t right though! JA trying to fight it, but Stevens… NO! Sean Stevens has JA’s arms tied up in the ropes, and there’s nothing JA can do to protect himself!

DM: And Sean knows that, planting a boot to the cut – he’s waving bu-bye!

MN: It’s all over now.

DT: And he’s… trying to climb the cage! Sean Stevens is standing on the arm of JA, holding onto the cage, and jaw-jacking at him! Listen to JA in pain as Stevens weight and the ropes are cutting the supply of blood to his arms!

DM: Hey, if you’re going to win, you may as well embarrass your opponent at the same time. I used to do that.

DT: He’s trying to pull himself up to the top of the cage – not like this, please!

MN: Tough luck, Dave!

DT: Sean Stevens, slowly, pulling himself onto the cage… NO! JA managed to stop him!

DM: How on earth…

DT: GREAT agility there by JA, as he vaulted himself up, released his arms and has Stevens in a leg-scissors around the waist, all in one move!

MN: Shake him off!

DT: Sean Stevens suddenly has another two hundred plus pounds to try and pull up, and JA is not letting go… SUNSET FLIP!! JA takes Stevens down with the end of a sunset flip!!

DM: He’s got more fight in him than I thought.

MN: Same…

DT: Both men look really tired out there, and I think Sean Stevens landed badly on his right arm.

[CUTTO: Split Screen! On the left, in the smaller box, we see the live action, with the referee checking on JA and Stevens, whilst in the larger box, we see JA, arms tied in the ropes. Stevens is climbing, trying to pull himself up to the top of the cage – when, suddenly, JA manages to lean back a little, swinging his legs up to catch Stevens in a leg-scissors, as JA’s arms get loose. Just as suddenly, a few seconds later, JA manages to throw Stevens’ weight down, with Stevens landing slightly on his right. In the live feed, we can see JA crawling over, cracking Stevens with some stiff right hands]

DM: I’m still amazed at how he pulled that off.

DT: He’s trying to build on that advantage right now, laying in with those right hands.

MN: Closed fists! Come on!

DT: JA, getting back to his feet – Stevens still down on the canvas! JA, off the ropes… LIONSAULT NO!


DT: Stevens gets his knees up, and JA didn’t have the time to move!

DM: That’s why they call them high risk moves.

DT: Stevens, trying to get himself back to his feet, holding the arm, and JA’s rolling around clutching his ribs – elbow to the ribs by Stevens!

DM: Not too much use of the cage in there, but still, they have been hurting each other.

DT: Steven Shane, still holding the right arm, as he stomps on the ribs, the chest, of the former Intercontinental champion.

DM: And he’s going back for the side of the cage – I don’t think that’s the smart thing to do.

MN: It’s Sean Stevens – he knows exactly what he’s doing.

DT: I think Mike’s right for once. Measuring… BIG double axe handle across the back, driving JA back down to the canvas. A kick to the ribs – and a camel clutch! A camel clutch, right in the centre of the ring!

MN: But submissions don’t count!

DM: But the longer he’s able to keep this hold applied, the more damage it will do.

DT: Look at him too, wrenching back, pulling back and sitting right on the small of JA’s back. I think in a standard match, he might have enough there to force the submission.


DM: There are no submissions here, Mike.

MN: OK. I’ll try next time.

DT: JA is trying to break the hold, trying to bring his legs forward… shut down by Stevens jumping onto his back!

DM: It’s something you don’t see often these days, but when you’re working over someone’s ribs or back, often that simple move is more painful than any other.

DT: The crowd are really trying to get behind JA, as Stevens still pulling back on the chin, trying to break JA’s spine!

MN: That’ll do.

DT: Mike!

MN: What? If his spine snaps, all delusions he has of winning this match will go just like that [SFX: snap of fingers]

DT: But the crowd, really trying to cheer him on, and Sean Stevens having a few… choice words for them. JA, trying to fight, he’s got his knees under him. Stevens up NO GO!

MN: Not again!

DT: JA felt Stevens jumping up, and rolled onto his back to plant his knee firmly in his, erm…

DM: Let’s just say, if he wasn’t singing high after riding the top rope, he is now.

DT: And this is giving JA the chance he needed to regain control, or get some air into those lungs.

DM: The camel clutch – part sleeperhold, part backbreaker.

DT: JA, rolling to the ropes, trying to pull himself up using them, as Stevens is over on the other side of the ring. Both men have given it their all for the past twenty or so minutes, with the title of King of the Cage and a shot at the World Heavyweight Champion at Russian Roulette, the champ to be decided later tonight. JA, leaning back against the ropes now, as Sean charges in… MISSED!

DM: He didn’t miss the cage though!

DT: JA ducking out of the way, pulling the top rope with him, and Sean Stevens goes FLYING into the steel cage!

DM: Marginally better than taking a spill to the outside.

MN: What’re you saying? If he’d taken the spill he’d’ve won!

DT: JA, crawling, crawling to the door, and Stevens, trying to get to his feet…

MN: Come on!

DT: JA’s almost at the door!


DT: Sean Stevens, that must’ve been a desperation move there! He just springboarded himself over the top rope with a senton splash, right across the back of JA!

DM: This match is too important to both men.

DT: I should think just by getting to this stage, either man could be in line for a title shot in the near future, win or lose.

MN: Stevens’ll get his first.

DT: Sean Stevens, trying to get to the door – but JA has him by the leg!

MN: Better than an ass attack.

DT: JA, trying to pull Stevens back into the ring. Stevens, trying to kick JA off – who’s going to win this tug of war?

DM: Either JA or the rope.

DT: Stevens kicks him off! Stevens kicks him off! BUT JA FLIES IN WITH AN ELBOW DROP!!

MN: NO!!

DT: JA saving the match for himself, dropping the elbow on Sean Stevens’ back, and he’s picking him slowly off the canvas. Irish whip far side, Sean goes in hard BIG SPLASH! Stinger Splash in the corner by JA!

DM: And a bulldog out of the corner! I think Sean’s been busted open as well by the impact, or he broke his nose, he’s definitely a bleeder now.

DT: Both men, heavily beaten, both bleeding, are down in the middle of the ring! JA, trying to get the strength, find the breath, to get to the door, dragging himself with one arm, holding his ribs with the other. Sean Stevens, trying to shake the cobwebs, his right arm still looks in bad shape.

MN: Come on, Sean!

DT: JA’s at the ropes, Sean Stevens, a couple of inches out of reach. JA’s trying to push himself through the… no! Sean Stevens catches JA this time!

DM: And both men are getting to their feet in the corner, the door open. Right hand by Stevens, followed by a right by JA. Right by Stevens, JA rocks him back with a right – Stevens is wincing from those right hands he’s throwing, he’s not getting the same strength JA can!

DT: Right by Stevens, knee to the gut by JA FACEPLANT! Faceplant across the knee by JA! Stevens, reeling back, JA throws him back into the corner. Sets him up, Irish whip, reversed, reversed again ROUND THE WORLD! Sean Stevens chest first JA’S DOWN!


DT: JA sent Sean Stevens into the corner with so much force, Stevens bounced back and hit his head against JA’s face! Both men are down, JA on his back, Sean Stevens, leaning against the ropes – and he’s definitely bleeding, look at his face, it’s almost totally masked!

DM: He’s catching his breath, looking back over his shoulder – he’s starting to climb!


DT: I think the spinning, the head collision, and the blood have disorientated him! Sean Stevens, is slowly, very very slowly, trying to pull himself up the cage, as JA is starting to move!

DM: This could be it.

MN: Climb faster dammit!

DT: Stevens, having trouble with his right arm, is trying to pull himself up – he can’t get his right leg up, his right arm can’t support the weight!

MN: Then go for the left leg, hurry!! GAH!! THE DOOR’S OPEN!!

DT: JA, trying to crawl, inching his way to the open door, his ribs must be aching!

DM: And Stevens is following Mike’s advice – who’s going to get to the floor first?

DT: Stevens, finally, getting one leg over the top of the cage. He’s using his left arm for balance… HE SEES JA NEAR THE DOOR!!


DT: JA inching, his’ head’s under the bottom rope – Stevens moving his right leg over the cage – and he’s inching round it?!

MN: NO!!!!!!

DM: I don’t think Stevens wants to risk twisting an ankle when he drops!

DT: The crowd are going wild! JA’s almost out of the cage! JA is almost out of the




DM: So that’s what he was planning!

DT: JA must be unconscious after that! Sean Stevens flung his legs back and let them kick back into the cage door!

DM: A smart move.

DT: Sean Stevens now, steadying himself a bit further down the cage… he wins it!


[SFX: *dingdingdingding*]

TONY FATORA: Th’ winner of the match, the new number one contender, and the TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN KING OF THE CAGE…

Triple X


DT: Sean Stevens!! Sean Stevens win the match and will go on to face the World Champion at Russian Roulette!!

MN: I knew all along!!

DM: It looked like JA was gonna make it, but heads up maneuvering by Sean Stevens, guys…..great match!

DT: No time to waste! Back to the ring! It’s the NEW World Tag Team Championships! Next!!


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
The Inner Circle vs. Bored of Edukashun - NEW World Tag Team Title Tourney Finals

(CUTTO: The lights shining down from the stadium as the referee stands in the middle of the ring with the brand-spanking new World Tag Team Championship belts. The cage from the previous match is just now clearing the top of the camera view.)

GHEORGHE: “There they are .. the New ERA of Wrestling World Tag Team Championships .. and tonight those two belts are going to go home with either Bored of Edukashun, or the Inner Circle.”

JULIUS: “Bored of Edukashun ran rampant over the Saviors of Wrestling and Jack n’ Hoff .. beating MWG and Peter File along the way .. while the Inner Circle defeated Jack n’ Hoff in the quarterfinals before walking over Saviors of Wrestling to make it to the finals..”

JIVE: “Well both teams have victories over Saviors of Wrestling and Jack n’ Hoff in this tournament .. and tonight we’re going to see which one of them walks out with the Championship gold around their waists.”

GHEORGHE: “While Bored of Edukashun have proved to work tremendously well together as a team, you have to wonder if they can overcome the odds against the tandem of Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy … those two are the cream of the crop in singles wrestling .. and combined .. who can stop them?”

JULIUS: “You’ve got a point there .. but don’t forget .. Lindsay Troy still has to defend her Empire Pro World Heavyweight Championship tonight .. in the very next match!”

GHEORGHE: “If you think that means Troy’s going to sit on the sidelines, then you’re underestimating the pure heart of Lindsay Troy. She might have her title defense next, but you can guarantee that she’s going to give 100% in this match as well.”

(CUTTO: Ringside as Carl Jacobs stands in the ring. The lineup for NEW’s first main event flashes on screen.)

JACOBS: “The following match is scheduled for one fall … and is New ERA’s MAIN EVENT for the first night of WrestleSTOCK …. and it is for the New ERA of Wrestling WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!”

(SFX: Crowd pops!)

JACOBS: “Introducing first …”

(CUEUP: “White and Nerdy” by Weird Al Yankovic. Sherman Wentworth and Tyler Hensen enter through the curtains to a huge pop from the crowd and walk towards the ring. As they do, a huge array of fireworks goes off behind them, causing Wentworth to jump forward a little bit and glance over at Hensen, whose laughing.)

JACOBS: “Weighing in at a combined weight of 415 pounds …. SHERMAN WENTWORTH … TYLER HENSEN …. BORED … OF EDUKASHUN!”

GHEORGHE: “Can you just imagine the history that will be made tonight .. after three years with no tag team championship belts .. Bored of Edukashun could be New ERA’s first World Tag Team champions!”

JIVE: “And if they can do so by defeating quite possibly the most talented two wrestlers I have ever seen team together … that’d be .. well .. that’d be a damn near miracle.”

JACOBS: “And their opponents ….”

(CUEUP: “Carpe Diem Baby” by Metallica as the rampway leading from the entrance explodes with a cascade of fireworks that flow from the top of the ramp down, and then connects to the ring, domino’ing around and splitting off around each side as it lights up the night air.)


JACOBS: “Weighing in at a combined weight of 505 pounds … “The Ego Buster” DAN RYAN … and the current EPW World Heavyweight champion “the Queen of the Ring” LINDSAY TROY …… THE … INNER …. CIRCLE!”

(Troy and Ryan enter through the curtains to a HUGE POP as the fans, although they may not like them, are in absolute awe of the tandem. Ryan walks to the ring with Troy next to him, and both hop onto the apron before stepping into the ring. They stand side by side staring at Bored of Edukashun, and then at the World Tag Team Championships.)

GHEORGHE: “That’s what this is for … and by God .. I can already feel history being made.”

(SFX: Bell rings.)


JULIUS: “Jesus, Gheorghe .. lay off the Viagra .. it’s causing you to get wayyyy too excited.”

GHEORGHE: “Sherman Wentworth and Dan Ryan are going to start things off it seems..”

JIVE: “You don’t expect to see Troy in the match any time soon, do you?”

GHEORGHE: “Of course I do!”

JIVE: “You’re more gullible than I thought then.”

GHEORGHE: “Dan Ryan standing in the middle of the ring just staring a hole into his opponent … and Wentworth is slowly making his way back to his corner to talk strategy with Hensen.”

JULIUS: “He’s only delaying the inevitable.”

GHEORGHE: “They break and Wentworth making his way back to the center of the ring .. but Ryan stops him short! Ryan with a big boot to the head floors Wentworth to the mat!”

JIVE: “Wentworth better get comfy, because he’s going to be seeing a lot of the mat in this match.”

GHEORGHE: “Wentworth holding his face as he sits up .. and Ryan comes at him again, this time stomping down on the chest! Ryan repeatedly stomping on the chest of Sherman Wentworth and things are not starting off on the right foot for the young man from Tampa.”

JULIUS: “Dan Ryan is a beast … that’s like an eighteen wheeler coming down on your sternum.”

GHEORGHE: “Ryan reaches down and grabs Wentworth off the mat … and he sends him flying into the ropes… I don’t think that Wentworth’s feet hit the mat before he got to the ropes! Wentworth on the return … AND RYAN WITH A HUUUUUGE CLOTHESLINE SENDS WENTWORTH 360 DEGREES TO THE MAT!”

JIVE: “Ryan not showing any emotion whatsoever. This is a warm up for him.”

GHEORGHE: “Wentworth sitting up holding his neck .. and now he’s trying to make his way to the corner to tag in his partner! But Dan Ryan grabs onto his leg … and he pulls him back into the middle of the ring. Ryan now driving his knee into the small of the back .. and he leaves it there as he reaches forward and slips the forearm underneath the chin of his opponent.”

JIVE: “The referee would usually check to make sure that there wasn’t a choke going on, but this referee wisely keeping his nose out of where it don’t belong.”

GHEORGHE: “Ryan’s forearm does look awfully close to the throat .. and I think he is choking Wentworth! Wentworth’s arms just began to flail around … AND HERE COMES HIS PARTNER! Tyler Hensen jumps into the ring … and he bounces off the ropes .. AND DROPKICKS RYAN IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Dan Ryan releases the hold …”


JULIUS: “Uh-oh… the Queen of the Ring is getting into the ring!”


JIVE: “Hensen doesn’t even kno… well, NOW he does!”

GHEORGHE: “Hensen was backpedalling … and he just slammed right into Troy’s chest..”

JULIUS: “And if that doesn’t make you want to slit your wrists, then you’re a much bigger man that I am.”


JIVE: “The referee now stepping in and telling Troy to get out of the ring … and he’s starting to count! He’s threatening to disqualify the Inner Circle!”

JULIUS: “That man has balls of steel apparently.”

JIVE: “Or he’s just plain stupid!”

GHEORGHE: “Troy shrugs her should as she turns and steps through the ropes .. and now Dan Ryan grabs Tyler Hensen from the mat … and easily dumps him over the top rope to the arena floor! Dan Ryan back over to Sherman Wentworth and he makes the cover!! ONE …….. TW—NO! Wentworth kicked out!”

JIVE: “That distraction from Hensen gave Wentworth enough time to compose himself.”

GHEORGHE: “Ryan back to his feet and he drags Wentworth to his corner .. AND RYAN MAKES THE TAG TO THE EPW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!”

JIVE: “Troy is getting in the ring!”

GHEORGHE: “Now don’t you feel dumb? Troy picks up Wentworth and starts driving those reverse knife edge chops into the chest of her opponent … and she climbs up to the second turnbuckle and starts wailing away!”


GHEORGHE: “Troy drops back to the mat, and Wentworth takes about three steps before flopping to the mat. Troy turns .. and she tags Dan Ryan back into the match!”

JIVE: “What a stellar performance… hmph.”


JULIUS: “Jesus Christ .. where did he come from?”

GHEORGHE: “Troy is halfway through the ropes … BUT HENSEN GRABS TROY BY THE HAIR AND YANKS HER BACK IN THE RING! Hensen … Hensen with a boot to the gut … SWINGING DDT! Hensen grabbing the legs of Troy … and nails a wheelbarrow suplex!”

JIVE: “Now the referee should be getting him out of the ring! This is blatant favoritism!”

GHEORGHE: “The referee stepping in .. but Dan Ryan is up! Ryan steaming mad as he charges as Hensen … AND HENSEN DUCKS UNDERNEATH THE CLOTHESLINE …. AND RYAN NAILS THE REFEREE!!!”

JIVE: “He’s out cold .. this match might never end!”

GHEORGHE: “Ryan turns around .. and walks right into a Hensen dropkick … BUT RYAN STANDS THERE UNPHASED!”

JULIUS: “Dan Ryan is a beast, I tell you .. that dropkick did nothing!”

JIVE: “Sherman Wentworth is back up! Dan Ryan doesn’t notice him!”

GHEORGHE: “But Hensen does! Ryan motioning to Hensen to bring it … Wenworth charges from behind … AND HENSEN DROPKICKS RYAN AS WENTWORTH CLIPS HIS KNEE FROM BEHIND! Ryan sent flipping onto his stomach in the ring … and now Bored of Edukashun are stomping away on one half of the Inner Circle!”

JIVE: “But Lindsay Troy is on her feet! Troy grabbing both members of Bored of Edukashun from behind!”

GHEORGHE: “Troy grabs their heads … but Hensen and Wentworth block Troy’s attempt to bash their skulls together … AND THEY CONNECT WITH A DOUBLE HEADBUTT ON TROY THAT SENDS HER FALLING TO THE OUTSIDE!”

JULIUS: “Troy rolling to the guardrail, and Bored of Edukashun go back and focus their joint efforts on Ryan .. they’re trying to get in as much damage as possible while the referee is conked out.”

GHEORGHE: “Ryan getting to his feet … but Tyler Hensen quick to stop him with a European uppercut … and Sherman Wentworth charges into the corner … he’s climbing to the top as Hensen grabs Ryan’s head …. Hensen nails the swinging neckbreaker … AND HERE COMES SHERMAN WENTWORTH OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH THE TWISTING CORKSCREW SPLASH!!”

JULIUS: “HOT DAMN. Bored of Edukashun hitting that move .. I believe it’s called ‘Swirly’.. but it’s a hell of a move .. and they just executed it on a hell of an opponent.”

GHEORGHE: “Both members of BoEd grabbing Dan Ryan … and now all three men running to the ropes .. and Bored of Edukashun send Dan Ryan flying over the top rope to the arena floor!”



JIVE: “That could have been disastrous for her match coming up tonight.”

GHEORGHE: “Troy still has to defend her Empire Pro World Heavyweight Championship tonight against Joey Melton .. and what a match to end Day #1 of EPW / NEW WrestleSTOCK! She’s held the EPW World Heavyweight Championship for over two years now!”

JULIUS: “You know that Melton was in the back right now just praying that Ryan squashed her to smithereens.”

GHEORGHE: “The referee is still lying in the center of the ring as Hensen and Wentworth slide out after the Inner Circle .. they walk over and start laying the boots into Dan Ryan against the guardrail … and here comes Troy! Troy on her feet .. and she spins Hensen around .. AND SLAMS HER FIST RIGHT INTO HIS FACE! Hensen goes down to the arena floor!”

JIVE: “Bored of Edukashun forgot to turn their attention to Troy who had a little breather on the outside .. not like she needed one.”

GHEORGHE: “Wentworth looks down at Hensen, and then his attention shoots up to Troy … BUT NOT IN TIME AS TROY LEVELS HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE!”

JULIUS: “With the referee still out this match could get messy on the outside!”

GHEORGHE: “And I think it’s about to .. because Lindsay Troy has just grabbed a chair! Tyler Hensen getting back to his feet …”

(SFX: Crowd groans!)


JULIUS: “I think that was Hensen’s back snapping … not the chair.”

GHEORGHE: “Dan Ryan now getting to his feet and he looks at Troy .. and he smiles … Ryan now grabbing Sherman Wentworth .. and he sends him into the guardrail … Ryan charges in after him … AND DRILLS THE KNEE RIGHT INTO THE STOMACH! Wentworth falls to the arena floor .. and Ryan grabs his own chair!”

JULIUS: “Wait! The referee is stirring in the ring!”

GHEORGHE: “He’s missed far too much already … but he finally is pulling himself over to the ropes where all the action is going on..”

JIVE: “Good! Just in time to have the Inner Circle roll one of Bored of Edukashun into the ring and win the Championships!”

GHEORGHE: “I don’t even remember who the legal man is!”

JIVE: “Does it matter?!”

GHEORGHE: “Ryan now calling over to Lindsay Troy to assist him .. and he’s picking up Wentworth … Troy now over .. and Dan Ryan is handing the chair to the EPW World Heavyweight champion!”

JULIUS: “Wait a minute .. is the referee .. counting?!”

GHEORGHE: “He is! The referee is starting his ten count on .. I guess it’d be both teams!”

JIVE: “Who cares! Inner Circle is about to knock Sherman Wentworth through the goal posts!”

GHEORGHE: “Ryan holding Wentworth in position as Troy winds up …. AND LINDSAY TROY SLAMM… NO!! WENTWORTH DIVES OUT OF THE WAY!”

JULIUS: “But Troy stops in the nick of time! She almost nailed Ryan with the chair … but was able to put the brakes on!”




JIVE: “Dammit! Hensen saw Wentworth in trouble and threw all caution to the wind .. but he ended up helping his team out in the end!”

GHEORGHE: “All four members of this match are on the aren…”

(SFX: Bell rings.)

JULIUS: “What the hell?!”

GHEORGHE: “Wait a minute .. I think the referee just called for the bell!”

JULIUS: “He disqualified Bored of Edukashun!”


(Carl Jacobs walks over to the ring where the referee still lies and listens to him before nodding.)

JACOBS: “The result of this match …. due to ALL FOUR competitors being outside of the ring for the referee’s ten count …. IS A DOUBLE … COUNT OUT!”

(SFX: Crowd jeers!!)

GHEORGHE: “A double count out?!”

JACOBS: “Therefore … the New ERA of Wrestling World Tag Team Championships … REMAIN VACANT!”

(SFX: Crowd jeers HARDCORE~!)

JIVE: “This isn’t fair!! Inner Circle was just about to get into the ring! I swear I watched them mouth it!”

GHEORGHE: “But .. what happens to the World Tag Team Championship tournament?!”

JULIUS: “I don’t know .. and I don’t see either LaRoque or Marceau coming down the rampway to clear things up, either!”

GHEORGHE: “Bored of Edukashun and the Inner Circle both got counted out here tonight in East Rutherford … in the finals of the World Tag Team Championship tournament! The titles are still vacant … and I have no clue what happens now!”

JIVE: “Let’s base this on amateur wrestling .. based on my calculations .. the Inner Circle won across the board!”

GHEORGHE: “This isn’t amateur wrestling .. and both teams put on a show … but we’re still without World Tag Team champions!”

JULIUS: “The referee is grabbing the championships … and he’s heading up the rampway…”

GHEORGHE: “Ladies and gentlemen .. I don’t know what to say … I don’t think we’re going to find out tonight what’s going on … but I can tell you one thing .. the night’s not over … and we’re going to send you over to our EPW counterparts for their main event of the evening!”


Sep 11, 1997
Katy, TX
Lindsay Troy (c) vs. Joey Melton - EPW World Heavyweight Title

[CUTTO: Back LIVE! at Giants Stadium. Our faithful narrators, Dave Thomas, Mike Neely, and Dean Matthews ready themselves for the nightcap.]

DT: Welcome back fans! It's MAIN EVENT time!

MN: I'm sure they're cheering at home, Dave. Why wouldn't they be? So you can cure the fake excitement for this match. It doesn't translate well.

DT: No, this is really me excited.

DM: Let me see the face again. [Thomas deadpans]

MN: What's your expression for, "Dear lord I just turned into oncoming traffic. We're all going to die."

DT: A little more upbeat, but not much.

DM: Yikes.

DT: Giants stadium has been rocking tonight boys. What a great show, and now it's time for a match that's bound to be worth the price of admission alone. A scene months in the making.

MN: You're right I haven't seen a Jersey crowd this hype since Def Leppard toured through here in '06 with Foreigner and Styx, and the other two bands were ripping at Rick Allen's arm in efforts to sacrifice it on an altar to the Rock Gods for more group success. My ears were starting to bleed so regrettably I couldn't stay until the end to see how it all played out. But, you know, let's hope the freak's not eating with his toes.

DM: That was...odd.

DT: At WRESTLEVERSE Dean, Lindsay Troy shocked the world. In a match STILL being written about on the Internet Lindsay defeated Troy Windham to retain the title, and win her outright divorce. But, from whom?

[CUTTO: WRESTLEVERSE II. Troy Windham vs. Lindsay Troy.]


CROWD [after every punch]: LINDZ! LINDZ! LINDZ! LINDZ!




MN: I hope Irishred leaves that one in there!


DM: He's looking out into the crowd now, saying....SAYING HE'S GOING TO SLACKNIFE TROY OFF THE LADDER!



DM: All she's got to do is just reach up...




DM: Dave, I don't know if I can look...

MN: I know I can't!






DM: Now...what's in the case?! Marriage license? Or the divorce papers?!

[CUT-TO: The ring, where both Lindsay Troy and Troy Windham are lying. Windham's clutching his neck, those chronic problems are coming back to haunt him now that this match is all said and done. Lindsay Troy, on the other hand, is clutching that briefcase for dear life, holding it against her chest like a newborn baby. She just lies on the canvas for a minute or two, listening to the crowd give her her well-deserved due. After a moment, she lifts her head up to the cheers of the crowd, and reaches her hand out to grab the ropes to drag herself into the corner.]

DT: Lindsay Troy can BARELY move here, folks. After that hellacious main event, I don't know how much more excitement we can pump into the night.

DM: That case's contents are either going to make or break her life.

[Troy places the briefcase on her thighs and slowly unlatches the top, lifting it open. Tony Fatora walks over to hand her his microphone but she shakes her head, producing a microphone of her own that was inside the briefcase. She takes a manila folder out as well, then tosses the case aside. With a nod and a hushed voice, she calmly asks Tony to give her some space.]

DT: Tony Fatora leaving the ring, now. Windham still hasn't moved from where he fell off the ladder. The crowd is still electric here.

DM: Lindsay just flipped the microphone on and looks out into the crowd, almost awaiting their approval.


[Troy nods, takes another deep breath, and rips the top of the envelope open. She lifts the top of the document out of its hiding place, glancing at it briefly, then lets it fall face-down by her side.]

DT: What is it? What's it say?

MN [fingers crossed and his eyes closed]: Marriagelicensemarriagelicensemarriagelicensemarri agelicense....

[She raises the microphone to her lips, trying to hold a barrage of emotions in check.]

LT: It's.....the divorce papers!



MN [like Anakin Skywalker at the end of Episode III]: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DM: Would you listen to this crowd?! They're about to riot!

[CUT-TO: The EPW faithful, high-fiving each other, chest bumping, spilling beer and not even caring!]

DT: All this time, all this suffering that Troy Windham has put her through is FINALLY coming to an end! Lindsay Troy's got a grin on her face that's as wide as as the Sierra Nevada, and Troy Windham is finally starting to come to!

CROWD: SIGN THE PA-PERS! [clap clap clapclapclap] SIGN THE PA-PERS! [clap clap clapclapclap]

[CUTTO: A minute later in WRESTLEVERSE.]

LT: And now...

[She looks down at the envelope in her hand and draws the papers all the way out. Troy then reaches into the envelope and produces a pen.]

LT: There's only one thing left to be done.

[Troy starts slowly walking over to Windham, every step she takes carries an enormous burden. She's got one hand on the top rope to steady herself and as the distance between them shortens, so does Windham's fuse.

She stops over him and lets the pen fall into his lap. Windham stares at it, trying to fathom what he's contractually bound to do. After an agonizing moment, he takes the pen to hand.]

TW [somewhat inaudible, but the mic picks up enough]: Give me the ******* papers!

DT: He's going to sign them!

DM: He has to, Dave. He doesn't have a choice!

[Lindsay starts to lower the papers down to him, but stops.]

LT: This must really tear you up inside, Troy.

TW: **** you, harlot. Just give me the ******* document.

LT: I'd love to.

[She stoops down to one knee and leans in, close enough so Troy can feel her breath lap against his cheek.]

LT: But our marriage was never legal in the first place.

DT: What? What did...what did she just say?

LT: Y'see, Troy, [her voice starts to crack] these papers aren't for you.

[She pauses, and a stillness rapidly blankets the Staples Center.]

LT: They're for Joey Melton.

[A collective GASP! rises from the silence, the fans completely unsure of how to react. Did they really just hear her right? Did she just say...]

DM: They've been married THE WHOLE TIME? AND NO ONE KNEW?


DT: I....I can't believe this. Lindsay Troy and Joey Melton, husband and wife, and now...now she wants out?!

[CUTTO: Back LIVE! In Giants Stadium for WRESTLESTOCK!]

DT: The divorce from MELTON not Windham. Every time I see it, I'm even more confused.

MN: Well that's not surprising, because you're a damn fool. Congratulations to Lindsay Troy she hid a marriage from the gossip rags and Dean's mother, but try as she like to paint Beast as the bad guy here, anybody who didn't think we'd end up here after her stunt is a fool.

DM: Mike's right. My mother had no idea she and Melton were hitched. I mean, it sends a good message to the straight edge teens, but I never saw Melton as the "I do" type.

MN: What about Troy? I remember when she broke into the business. The ***** had her dream wedding planned then. You get her drinking after shows and she'd sing like a canary about it. The white doves, the guest list, the type of man she'd have to marry, the roses, publicly calling out Hollywood's blacklisting of Danny Cooksley before the first toast as a couple. Its not surprising Melton wasn't good enough. No man could ever be!

DT: An obscure "Different Strokes" reference. Nice. Melton's been reluctant to face Troy in the past. Can he bring himself to give it his best here? Rumors have abounded about Joey's physical condition, not to mention his mental and emotional state leading up to WRESTLESTOCK. Is he in any shape to pull this off?

MN: Did you see the music video? Gutting really for any of us who grew up watching the man become a Saint.

DT: Well...

DM: He's been around since postal stamps were three cents. He can make it work. But the fact of the matter is Lindsay Troy is younger, in better shape, and cemented as EPW World Champion. Melton might be able to ***** slap her, and hey we all know it's needed, but Troy will retain.

DT: I guess I'm just fishing around for an answer to this question. Will Troy leave with Melton's balls?

DM: They're on her keychain Dave. They're on her keychain.

[MUSIC UP: "I Will Survive" - Gloria Gaynor.]

[LOUD pop from the fans.]

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

[CUTTO: Quick pan of the Stadium as fans dance and laugh. Really, does that tune ever get old?]

[CUTTO: Joey Melton stepping out from the entranceway. He’s covered in a white boxing robe. Melton waves to the crowd, red boxing gloves over his hands. As he makes the long walk down the aisle Joey jabs and uppercuts shadow boxing to the song.]

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

[CUTTO: Melton on the ring apron, boxing! He pushes back the hood to reveal a shorter haircut.]

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

DT: What ever happened to fading songs out?

MN: It’s PPV. Played in its entirety. Be thankful. Melton recorded a 20-minute version with new lyrics, but in light of the “Karate Kid” adaptation Ryan spared us.

DM: I actually wouldn’t have minded seeing that. I’m currently in a self-degradation phase.

DT: Melton certainly at first glance has come out, well, ready to go toe-to-toe with his ex-wife! Or soon to be ex-wife.

[LIGHTS OUT! The Stadium is in complete darkness.]

DT: And speak of the devil…

MN: Dave…

DT: I know. We’re all scared.

[MUSIC UP: “Trampled Underfoot" by Led Zeppelin]

CUE-UP: Earth shattering CHEERS!

Greased and slicked down fine, groovy leather trim
I like the way you hold the road, mama, it ain't no sin

Talkin' 'bout love

Trouble-free transmission, helps your oil's flow
Mama, let me pump your gas, mama, let me do it all

Talkin' 'bout love.

[CUTTO: Lindsay Troy, THE EPW World Heavyweight champion, steps out of the entrance way of GIANTS Stadium. The title belt strapped glorious around her waist, Lindsay listens to the crowd and wonders what it was ever like NOT to hear them. NOT to be the biggest star in the sport today.]

Dig that heavy metal underneath your hood
Baby, I could work all night, believe I've got the perfect tools

Talkin' 'bout love

A model built for comfort, really built with style
Specialist tradition, mama, let me feast my eyes

Talkin' 'bout love

Factory air-conditioned, heat begins to rise
Guaranteed to run for hours, mama it's a perfect size

Talkin' 'bout love

DT: Here comes the longest reigning EPW World Heavyweight champion in history! By the sound of this crowd, she’s won Jersey over!

MN: Dean did you ever think you’d see the day when a woman would accomplish anything in this sport other than a cheap thrill and double penetration?

DM: Yes.

Groovin' on the freeway, gauge is on the red
Gun down on my gasoline, I believe I'm gonna crack a head.

Talkin' 'bout love
I can't stop talkin' about...

Come to me for service every hundred miles
Baby, let me check your points, fix your overdrive

Talkin' 'bout love

[CUTTO: Lindsay strolling down the aisle, slapping hands with as many fans as she can. Troy has never forgotten. Never forgotten how hard she had to work to get there. How much harder she was to work than everyone else to stay here. The barriers that fought going down. The **** she endured trying to prove a woman can thrive in a man’s world fuels her. It’s pushed her to go further than most of her peers will ever go.]

Fully automatic, comes in any size
Makes me wonder what I did, before we synchronized

Talkin' 'bout love

Feather-light suspension, coils just couldn't hold
I'm so glad I took a look inside your showroom doors

Talkin' 'bout love

Oh, I can't stop talkin' about love.

[CUTTO: Troy on the ring apron, ready to tear another wall down! She's wearing black boots, black, shiny bootcut pants with gold lettering down the legs and a shirt that says, “Vegans Are Annoying" - found here

MN: Hey, Matthew’s mother is a Vegan.

DM: It all comes together now, huh?

DT: Troy in the ring! There’s a noticeable buzz in this crowd [MN: There’s a noticeable buzz in ME!]. The champ looks all business. She can hardly even look at Melton!

MN: I can hardly look at him, and I’m a fan! The lost respect…

DM: Was it, the video or being a kept man for the last couple of years?

MN: Yeah…you know, either/or gets you the teddy bear.

[CUTTO: The STEEL CAGE [Ohhhhh. Awwwww] being lowered! Fans GASP and HOOT!]

DT: Troy is no stranger to big matches. She’s become one of the biggest names in this business. Literally everywhere she wrestles, there’s tens of thousands. Flashbulbs. Celebrities in attendance.

DM: Joey Cheek is not a celebrity Thomas. He’s an ice skater from Greensboro. The last time the Winter Olympics mattered Neely’s mother had an airtight vagina.

MN: You wanna go! You wanna fight Matthews?

DT: Troy unsnaps the WORLD TITLE and glares at it. The blood, sweat, and tears she’s shed to hold on to that title. What a woman!

MN: How many times has Troy made Melton kiss the belt before he could get laid? [DT: Oh stop it] Come on, you know it wormed its way into foreplay. I’m sure Melton has had numerous shots at the EPW title since Troy conned Beast to grab it, but none where he’s clothed and not offered a safe word!

DM: [laughs] Why didn’t that situation ever become a reality show?

[CUTTO: Ref Steven Lucas taking the EPW belt off Troy’s hands and showing it to a still robed Melton.]

[CUTTO: The cage SNAPPING in place.]



DT: We’re almost underway. For the title!

MN: Here’s Maury with the paternity results!

DM: Joey you…

TONY FATORA: Laddddddddddddies and Gentlemen. Tonight’s MAIN EVENT! [POP!]


TONY FATORA: Is one fall, no-time limit! For the E-P-W WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! First, the challenger [CUTTO: A shot of Adrian Evans giving Melton some last minute instructions, Joey nodding.] from [singing] NEW YORK, NEW YORKKKKKK, 6’1, 218 pounds, “The UNIFIER” JOEY MELLLLLLLLLLLLTON! [mixture of boos and cheers.]

DT: [CUTTO: Melton taking off the boxing robe and handing it to Evans. He’s not in great shape, but surprisingly better than expected.] Joey in his customary green tights and black boots when he’s fighting an ex-wife…

MN: Nice!

DM: I saw Neely slip you the joke, but well done just the same.

DT: There were rumors of drinking, gambling, and an assortment of illegal activity in Melton’s camp heading into tonight’s show [MN: Focused. I like to see it.] but the Tag champion looks in reasonable shape.

TONY FATORA: And his opponent! [HUGE CHEERS] From Tampa, Florida, weighing in at one hundred seventy pounds...the longest-reigning Empire Pro World Heavyweight Champion..."THE QUEEN OF THE RING" LINNNNNNNDSAAAAAYYYYYYY TRRRRRRROOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

[CUTTO: Troy hopping on the second rope and pumping her fist to the crowd. A second in, she steals a glance behind her at Melton just to be sure he’s not an early starter. He’s an early finisher, but that’s no longer a concern of hers. Joey holds out his hands as if to say, “What?” Lindsay leaps backwards, landing quietly on her feet.]

DT: Lindsay in impeccable shape. [Fans start to CLAP in anticipation.]

MN: You’re tenting Dave.



DT: There’s the bell! No way out! Troy walks over to the nearest wall and pulls on the cage, checking its stability.

DM: Yeah, she’s a great judge of stability.

DT: Melton shaking his arms, trying to get lose. [CUTTO: Troy and Melton staring at one another in the center of the ring, maybe trying to figure out how they both got here.] The champ charges, COLLAR AND ELBOW TIE-UP!

MN: You just can’t help but feel if they’d both just sit down and read Kermit’s play, “Manhattan Melodies” differences could be resolved.

DT: Melton pulls Troy into a headlock! The Champ reverses into an arm bar! Melton gingerly to the ropes! [CUTTO: Melton asking the ref for an earlier break.] Joey already barking at the official. Collar and elbow tie-up, no! Melton delivers a KNEE right into the gut of the champion! Troy doubled over!


DM: Jersey weighing in on the divorce verdict from Troy. What’s the word from the back, Mike? Did Melton cheat?

DT: Joey pushes Troy into the corner. KNIFE-EDGE CHOP! Troy WITH A RIGHT HAND! She fired out of the corner in quick fashion! Positions reversed! Lindsay with a hard left knee into Melton’s GUT! [POP!]

MN: She’s beating his ass like he did!

DT: Troy MONKEY FLIP OUT OF THE CORNER! [Melton flips and against all odds lands on his feet! To the amazement of himself as well.] MELTON ON HIS FEET!

MN: Maybe MORE weight was the answer. What athletic ability!

DT: Please Neely he lucked into that one! Troy charges….CLOTHESLINE! He’s not on his feet anymore! Joey staggers back to his feet, Lindsay on the move again, but she’s taken down by the arm, Melton wrestles her to the ground…ARM BAR! Melton cranking the champion’s left arm into her back! [CUTTO: Troy groaning and pounding the mat with her right fist.]

MN: I love it! Weeks ago this would be considered spousal abuse! Not anymore!

DT: Joey asking Lucas to check with Lindsay. He’s out of his mind if he thinks she’ll pack it in here. [CUTTO: As the ref leans in to ask Troy, Melton extends and positions his feet on the middle rope. The crowd YELLS at the ref to notice.] Melton with extra leverage! Come on!

MN: For some reason this is position I see Birkhead impregnating Anna Nicole in. Just a hunch.

DT: Neely, for Pete [Russo!]’s sake! [MN: What?] Melton’s feet off the ropes before the ref could notice. It’s blatantly clear he’s cheating! [CUTTO: Melton’s feet going back on the middle ropes just as the ref turns back to Troy to ask again.] Joey again taking full advantage of this ref’s incompetence. Finally, he connects the dots and screams at Melton to break the hold! [CUTTO: Joey right in the official’s face.]

JOEY MELTON: [heard on ringside mic] YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS? [laughs]

DT: Melton laughing it off, he could of broke Troy’s arm!

DM: Could of? I think he did!

[CUTTO: Troy huddled in a corner, tugging gently at her left arm.]

DT: Melton charging in with a forearm shiver to Troy’s left arm! And the champion on her knees, she might have just passed out from the pain!

MN: Or finally submitted! It’s a push here.

DT: Joey with a hold of Troy’s arm pulls the champion to her feet [Crowd tries to get behind Troy] Melton rolls under the arm! Arm bar! [CUTTO: Troy blocking out the pain, and climbing the ropes in rapid-fire succession. Springboarding off the top rope and onto Joey’s head.] FLYING LEG SCISSORS FROM TROY! [HUGE pop] Troy one-step to Melton and another!!

[CUTTO: Melton going over the top rope and landing head first against the cage! Troy absent-mindedly grabbed the top rope on her way down to break her fall. She screams and reaches for her left shoulder.]

DT: She may have pulled it out of socket! She couldn’t help herself!

MN: Most women can’t when it comes to Melton.

DT: Troy lying on the mat, trying to get past the pain, to will herself to move forward. Melton staggering to his feet and Troy finds hers as well! [CUTTO: Troy subtlety acknowledging the adoring crowd, then rushing to the top turnbuckle…] FLIP DROPKICK! LINDSAY JUST DID A COMPLETE FLIP THEN NAILED MELTON WITH A DROPKICK! [CUTTO: Joey FLYING back and SNAPPING his neck over to top rope!]

DM: Little known fact, this chic used to work with the Grayson family! Before they were slaughtered by the Joker!

DT: I think Melton is out cold!

[CUTTO: Close-up of Joey’s silent face.]


[CUTTO: Melton and Troy lying in bed together. Lindsay is reading the Wall Street Journal as Joey pulls the covers up to his chin. He’s an advertisement for embarrassment.]

MELTON: I’m sorry. Again.

TROY: It’s okay, Joey. Stop.

MELTON: It’s just…

TROY: Don’t worry about it! It happens!

MELTON: Seeing those damn cancer patients at the zoo yesterday. Those kids. I close my eyes and all I see is a bald, swollen little head.

TROY: Ready again?


[CUTTO: Lindsay covering Melton, one leg hooked as the ref counts…]

DT: TWO………..MELTON WITH A FOOT ON THE ROPES! He had a split second to spare, at the most. Lindsay leaps in the air and SITS right down on Joey’s left knee! [CUTTO: Melton yanking the leg off the ropes.]

DM: The entire ring to sit and she has to right there!

DT: Lindsay pulling Melton to the center of the ring [Troy flashes four fingers to her fans] FIGURE FOUR! Melton catches her before and rolls her up! ONE…..TWO! Troy reverses! ONE…TWO….! No! Melton up, hobbling, and the Champ with a vicious, sweeping kick to the back of his left leg! Melton down like a stack of cards!

MN: And it’s Troy with two of a kind!

DT: Geez, Neely.


DT: Troy, stepping over…FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK! [POP!] Joey pounds the mat in frustration! You know he helped Troy hone the finer points of this submission move over the last couple of years.

MN: You mean, when they were a couple. Before lawyers got between them and divvied up their shared treasures….who gets the dogs and the sex swing?

DT: Yes, right before then. Lindsay demanding the ref check Melton’s pulse! [CUTTO: Lucas bending in front of Melton to ask for a submission. As he turns his back to Troy, Lindsay blindly reaches for the middle ropes and finds them! She TUGS at the ropes for added leverage!] [POP!] Melton writhing in pain!

DM: They both wore white to the wedding and had “His” and “Her” towels. So this comes as no surprise.

DT: Joey begging with the ref, but he’s not buying it! [CUTTO: Lucas finally turning to see nothing wrong. The second he turns back to Melton, Troy reaches for the ropes!] The Champ again, giving Melton tough love! My oh my, if Melton were to submit….

MN: Did you not see the sex tape that was released on the web a year ago? He submitted long ago! The only question here is, after he loses does he have to lick the toilet!

[CUTTO: Lucas right up in Melton’s grill, WAITING for an answer.]

STEVEN LUCAS: How bout it Joey?

JOEY MELTON: She’s on the roppppesssss…

STEVEN LUCAS: I admire the fight, Melton. But, she’s got you in a hold here. Come on buddy let me call it before something tragic happens.

JOEY MELTON: No you idiot….she HAS the ropes!

[Troy lets go of the middle rope, as Lucas, dumbfounded, turns to check.]

MN: If this guy were any dumber, he could fill Matthews’ shoes!

DT: Melton desperately reaches for the bottom rope, and he has it! Lucas calling for the break as the Melton fans in attendance get on him!

[CUTTO: Adrian Evans in the stadium with two buxom blondes by his side, not a care in the world.]

DT: Melton tries to pull himself out of the ring, but he’s stopped by the cage! Nowhere to go to regroup! [CUTTO: Joey pulling himself into a turnbuckle, begging with Troy.] Palms extended, look at the man beg for his life!

MN: Actually I think he’s miming the shape of his balls. He wants them back!

DM: Please baby. I’m sorry. I’ll try harder. Listen more. Hold off on cumming. Everything Troy’s heard before and more! She’s not buying it this time!

DT: Lindsay dropkicks Melton in the mush! [MN: Easy honey that’s a couple hundred thousand in dental work there.] She may have completed Melton’s Christmas list!

MN: If he’s missing his two front teeth she should be shot. You could take a coast-to-coast cab ride with the amount of money Melton spends on his pearly whites!

DT: Lindsay with two feet in her hands YANKS Melton out of the corner! She steps in, SCORPION DEATHLOCK! Listen to this place Neely! [MN: I think Hornet taught her that move ten years ago when she broke into this business. The hard way.] Melton squirming, fighting for his life, but he’s trapped! On all corners! A brilliant tactical move by the Champion. Take Melton’s legs out before he can do the same! The EPW tag team champion is reeling! [CUTTO: Melton pulling his hair out, desperately trying to reach the bottom ropes!] He’s a good two feet away! Dean-O this may end on submission!


[CUTTO: Melton grabbing the ref and pulling him into Troy, loosening her grip just enough to allow him to hug the bottom rope!]

DT: Melton not waiting around, he’s on his feet! [CUTTO: Joey hobbling around.] Troy another KICK to the back of the legs! Melton down, but up again! TROY oh!! Thumb to the eye by Joey!
MN: If that’s the first time he’s poked her in the eye...[DT: NEELY!] I’m the next lesbian to host the View!

DT: Joey walking up to Troy, feigning concern…ANOTHER eye gauge! Melton grabs Lindsay by the back of the head and THROWS her into the CAGE! [DINK!] The champion bounces back, still on her feet! Melton caught her by the hair again! INTO THE SECOND CAGE WALL! [CUTTO: Close-up of Troy’s face hitting the cage.] The Queen still on her legs! She’s weary! Joey no mercy….INTO THE THIRD WALL! [POP!]

MN: Throw her again Melton. Send her ass back to Avon or wherever the **** she came from.

DT: Troy barely on her feet, Melton points to the last wall of the cage! [everybody standing!] Joey takes two steps and FLINGS Troy at the cage! [CUTTO: Melton turning his back as he releases the throw. Troy being thrown, but being able to catch herself and straddle the top rope, instead of hitting the cage wall.] [HUGE POP!] Troy standing on the top rope! Melton doesn’t see it!

MN: Blonde and blind! How the hell has the man gotten this far?

DT: Joey turns, TROY OFF THE ROPE! SHOOTING STAR PRESS! And immediately back on her feet, off the ropes, ELBOW DROP onto Melton’s heaving chest! Lucas in position…ONE……………..TWO…………………T-NO! Joey kicks out! Troy off the ropes, leg drop! Another cover! ONE…..TWO…..Joey up!

DM: I think more than anything Thomas she’s trying to wear Melton out!

MN: His heart’s already broken, she wants it exploding into tiny pieces as well? Harlot!

DT: This is where Melton’s questionable conditioning comes into play. He’s gassed! Troy climbing the turnbuckle, she’s going to the top! [CUTTO: The fans sensing the end, seething in anticipation.] LINDSAY…FROG SPLASH! But Joey with his knees pulled up! [CUTTO: Troy bouncing off Melton’s knees like a super ball.] Stick save and a beauty by The Unifier! [CUTTO: Troy crawling to a corner, coughing for air.]

MN: I’ve had a joke about marital rape that I haven’t been able to work in yet. Just warning you guys.

DM: Wow.

DT: Do and I’ll cut your mic Neely. Joey walking, gingerly, towards Troy…and he stomps right on the small of her back! [Fans start to CLAP in an effort to get behind Troy.] Joey brings Lindsay to her feet and he slams her head into the top turnbuckle! Melton….KNIFE EDGE CHOP! [CUTTO: Lindsay’s head whipping back.] Melton hip tosses Troy out of the corner!
MN: That’s old school right there! The ***** Toss!

DT: Melton…a series of small steps, and a running knee drop! [the Pro-Troy fans BOO!] Melton sensing his opportunity to go to work. He helps the Champion up, hooks the arm, VERTICAL SUPLEX! He held her there for a handful of seconds, letting the blood rush to her head. She’s lightheaded no question.

MN: And a bit of a slut.

DT: Oh stop! Melton covers, new champion? ONE….TWO….no! The champ kicks out! [POP!] Joey with Troy’s legs in his hands!

DM: He’s got the whole world between his hands…

DT: Joey drops his weight over Troy’s left knee! [CUTTO: Troy screaming in pain. Immediately clutching her leg.] He’s dialed in now. Back to basics. Joey stepping over, FIGURE FOUR! SUBMISSION MOVE!

MN: I don’t care how good Troy is on her back, if she doesn’t have the legs to jump around the ring, she’s not walking out of here with the EPW title.

DT: Melton pushing on her legs, he wants the submission! [JOEY MELTON: Ask her you dope!]

STEVEN LUCAS: [In Troy’s face] Lindsay…


DT: I think that’s “no.”

MN: It’s always questionable with you isn’t it Neely? You perv.

DT: Joey digging deeper, but Troy is on her side! [POP!] The Queen Of The Ring just reversed the FIGURE FOUR! I don’t believe it! [CUTTO: Melton tapping out.]

DM: I think he just gave it up!

DT: Yes! No…Melton quickly telling Lucas as he gets to the ropes that he was calling for the ref’s attention! [BOOO!] He’s not sure what to do! [CUTTO: Melton pulling himself up, threatening Steven.] Did he give it up?

MN: Don’t listen to these idiots Lucas. They’re poor and most here illegally.

DT: Joey charging at Troy, but she sweeps the back of his right leg with her hands! She straddles over his chest, TROY POUNDING AWAY! Rights and lefts over Joey’s forehead! She’s beating the man senseless!
DM: It’s what she’s done her entire EPW reign. Reduce men to boys.

DT: I think she may have drawn blood from Joey! Whatever feelings may have remained from these two are gone! Lindsay runs to the opposite ropes, shoots off, SPEAR! Joey off his feet in a flash, just tackled the Champion! Melton with a handful of hair and his right fist cocked back. He can’t bring himself to hit her!

MN: Hold the ***** up and let me!

DT: The crowd egging Melton on but he can’t strike Troy! [CUTTO: Joey slinging her head back to the mat, and walking away.] He wants the cage door open! Neely he’s quitting!

DM: He already tapped once!

MN: No he didn’t! Joey, don’t look at her. Just imagine she’s Troy Windham! Or Matthews’ mother!

[CUTTO: Melton kicking at the cage door, in a fury over the refusal to open it.]

DT: Here comes Lindsay running in! [CUTTO: Melton dodging out of the way, just in time! Troy cracks her head over the top turnbuckle!] Short clothesline by Joey and Troy is down! Melton again looking at the Champion, but shaking his head! Dean-O he’s climbing the turnbuckle!

DM: No, he’s climbing the cage!

DT: Joey Melton is trying to leave the ring! I think he’s out of his mind! [CUTTO: Lindsay on her knees, looking up at Melton.] He’s halfway up! Here comes the champion! [CHEERS!] She’s climbing up right behind him!

MN: Abort! Melton abort!

DM: Neely enough!

MN: I’m just saying, from what I hear in the locker room Troy is a woman who doesn’t know that keeping babies is an option.

DT: Melton almost to the top. [POP!] Troy with a shot to his groin! Joey’s stopped dead in his tracks! Lindsay keeps climbing. Her head’s under his legs….[entire arena on its feet!] Lindsay…yanks on Melton and free falls back! [CUTTO: Troy suplexing Melton backwards!] WHAT A MOVE!

[CUTTO: Lindsay rolling over right as she hits, and bridging Melton’s legs as she turns over!]

MN: 69! Now this is what I wanted to see!

DT: Quiet! ONE….TWO…..NOOOO! Joey amazingly kicks out! By now, Melton has to know there’s no way out. He’s going to have to face Lindsay Troy, his ex-wife, in the center of the ring tonight! Win or lose! [CUTTO: Troy climbing] Now Lindsay going to the top of the cage! But I don’t think she’s leaving!

MN: Can the belt change hands on a count out? Please!

DT: Troy…standing on the top of the cage! SHE FLIES OFF!

[CUTTO: Lindsay Troy soaring across the ring.]



DT: FROG SPLASH! FROG SPLASH! Melton’s done! [CUTTO: Troy crouching over, instead of covering, trying to get her wits.] All she has to do here is cover! [DM: Taking too much time Thomas.] Maybe! She covers….ONE……TWO…………….NO! [AHH!] Melton barely a shoulder up! Maybe an inch! Lindsay wasted precious time and she knows it! The Champion bringing Melton back to his feet, he’s out of them! BODY SLAM! Troy runs at the ropes, LIONSAULT! The cover! ONE……TWO…..TH-NO! These fans in Jersey can’t believe it!

MN: I can’t believe I’ve still got wood and this match is 15 plus old!

DT: Troy back to the FIGURE FOUR, but Melton rakes her in the eyes! She got sloppy, just a little bit and she pays. Joey on his feet, gasping for air, but he sends Troy across the ring! ELBOW SMASH! Guys look at Melton. He’s fighting for air. He keeps looking around the ring. OH A VICIOUS KICK to Troy’s gut! He may be warming to the idea of taking this to the end. Joey pushes Troy back in a corner. KNIFE EDGE CHOP!

MN: Where is Lindsay’s pretty little briefcase now? Let her put the EPW World title AND the summer house in Rome on the line.

DT: Melton whips Troy across the ring and he follows in right behind with a nasty elbow! Troy doubled over; Melton capitalizes. PILEDRIVER! Joey covers, two feet on the ropes thought! Lucas! ONE……………….TWO……………………. [stop count] Melton up! He thinks he’s won, but Lucas gets right in his face! OH! JOEY JUST THREW THE REF INTO THE CAGE WALL!

[CUTTO: All the fans standing, looking for the next shoe to drop.]

DT: He brings Troy over to the ref’s fallen body….sets her up….what is this? PILEDRIVER ONTO LUCAS’ CHEST!
MN: As boney as that kid is, that’s like hitting steel!

DT: Melton reaching around the ref and takes off the kid’s belt! He can’t possibly be considering whipping his ex-wife with it can he?

DM: I sure am!

DT: HE JUST WHIPPED IT RIGHT IN THE SMALL OF THE BACK! [CUTTO: Troy on her feet, but hollering in pain.] MELTON AGAIN! This is sick!

MN: NO this is what happens when couples wear matching shirts, and get their nails done together before big shows. One wakes up one day and snaps.

DT: Melton sends Troy off the ropes, clothesline with the belt! No! Troy ducks! FLYING CLOTHESLINE! And the belt lands right next to her! [POP!] Lindsay wrapping the leather belt around her hand! [CUTTO: Troy peppering Melton with right hands!] The Champ just knocking the snot out of Joey Melton! SHE’S OPENED HIM UP!

DM: So much for second chances….

DT: Melton is a bloody mess! [CUTTO: Joey falling to the mat. And Troy scooting up beside him, readying to crack the belt.] TROY WHIPPING MELTON NOW! That has to sting! She reaches back but Lucas dives for the belt and wrestles it away! Welcome back to the world of the living….

MN: Melton was just trying to make light of the situation they’re in, and she has to take it to the next level. Typical.

DT: Make light? He was whipping her like a dog!


DT: The champ bullies Melton into a corner and drives a shoulder right into his gut! Lindsay monkey flips Melton out of the corner! SOMERSAULT SPRINGBOARD elbow! [CUTTO: Melton on the mat, reaching for his mouth.] She’s got Joey by the hair! [CUTTO: Troy pointing at a cage wall.] LINDSAY SENDS JOEY FLYING INTO THE CAGE!

[CUTTO: Melton teetering right back into Troy’s waiting arms.]

DT: Troy…NECKBREAKER! This could be it….ONE….TWO……TWO COUNT! Melton is bleeding all over the ring and Troy!

MN: Well, if he has anything it’s her fault and she probably shares it! So, there’s no real scare here.

DT: Troy climbing the turnbuckles again, but this time Melton is game! Troy turns too late and she’s surprised by a seething Unifier! Melton with a shot against the jaw! Another! He climbs to the middle rope….SUPERPLEX OFF THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!

MN: There you go Melton. Beat her at her own game! Stay focused!

DT: Joey, laying Troy’s neck over the top rope, he’s choking her out! Lucas get in there! [CUTTO: Lucas counting, 2….3…….5] An elbow over the back of Troy’s neck! I think he’s snapped gentlemen.

MN: He’s claustrophobic. That’s it.

DT: Thanks Paris!

DM: Neely’s right. Melton didn’t want to confront this side of it. He didn’t want to…

DT: Beat his wife with a belt? [CUTTO: Melton rubbing Troy’s face against the steel again.]

MN: Oh take it to People’s Court Thomas!

DT: Joey sends Troy for a ride across the ring, catches her….BACKBREAKER! Cracked her spine right over his knee. I’ve seen that move end careers!

MN: Where was that? Korea?

DT: Two count! Quick cover by Melton. [Fans stomping!] Jersey tries to rally behind The World Champion! [MN: Front runners!] Melton whips Troy off the ropes, ducks down, back flip…no! [CUTTO: Troy stopping on a dime and kicking Melton square in the chest!] TROY SUNSET FLIP! Melton won’t go down! Joey sits! He’s got her shoulders pinned! LUCAS COUNTS! ONE….TWO…..REVERSAL! Troy reaches up with her legs and pulls Melton down! ONE…..TWO! Joey kicks out! The action is fast and furious!

DM: You’re tenting, Neely has wood, and we’ve got a married couple in the ring. When did this stop being about the sport?

DT: Troy rakes Melton in the eyes! Both of them are tired! Melton bleeding! Kick to Joey’s gut! Troy on one knee, UPPERCUT! [CUTTO: Melton flying off his feet!] Lindsay elbow drop, but she misses! Both wrestlers to the feet, Troy hits Joey as he tries to wipe some blood out of his eyes! CLOTHESLINE into the corner! Troy standing on the middle rope! [CUTTO: Troy showing her fists to the crowd!]

MN: I don’t like this Thomas.

DM: What? A woman being on top of a man, or being in Jersey for the weekend?

MN: The latter.

DT: Troy dives into Joey’s forehead with a series of lethal blows! [CROWD COUNTS: One, two, three, four, five…..] Melton CARRIES Troy out of the corner, ATOMIC DROP! BLOCKED! CLOTHESLINE! Lindsay leaps to the middle turnbuckle! LEG DROP! ONE…….TWO…..KICK OUT! Melton again denies the champ!

MN: That should have been thought of long ago!

DT: Troy sits on Melton’s back, CAMEL CLUTCH! Again, weakening Melton! Softening him her high risk punishment! [CUTTO: Joey on his knees, then standing up with Troy over his shoulders!] Melton dives at the cage! Troy head first into the cage wall like a battering ram! Mercy! [CUTTO: Troy hot shotting across the ropes as she’s dropped off Melton’s shoulders.]

DM: This is it for Troy. You can’t win against a Metro sexual scorned!

DT: Belly to back suplex by Melton! He’s slow to get up after that one. I know these two are highly competitive. Neither wants to lose, least off all to the other, but at what point does one have to give in? When is too much?

MN: When she’s 30 and the industry turns its back to her?

DT: Melton setting Troy up, another belly to back suplex! But Troy right to her feet! [POP!] Melton doesn’t realize it! TROY RUNNING DDT! She rolls Joey over, this has to be it! ONE….TWO….NO!!! Foot on the ropes!

MN: Genius!

DM: He had no idea it was there Neely! I promise you that.

MN: You can’t promise me anything! You’re full of empty promises!

DM: Are we still on my sister? I never said she’d do it. I just said she’s done it in the past, with other groups…

DT: Troy shoots Melton into the ropes, LEAPING ROUNDHOUSE KICK! I think I saw a tooth fly in the air that time!

MN: Quick grab it! Put it under your pillow and a fairy will visit over night!

DM: That’s an old wives’ tale….

DT: Troy reaching into her pockets for something! [CUTTO: Lindsay pulling out a key!] SHE’S GOT A KEY TO THE CAGE! [POP!]


[CUTTO: Troy out of the cage, fishing under the ring.]

DT: Lucas isn’t sure what to do! Frankly, I’m a little perplexed by this move. Why give Melton the time to recover? Why stop?

MN: She’s got 20 years on him. You’re saying that it’s a matter of seconds before he tires, and the batteries go off?

DT: Yes!

[CUTTO: The crowd going nuts as Troy reaches under the ring and pulls out a ladder!]

DT: She’s trying to fit a ladder through the door. What’s going on?

MN: Props! Or between these two…toys!

DM: Okay….too far.

DT: Melton is on his feet. His face is a crimson mask! He doesn’t seem to grasp the situation, until now! Troy following the ladder into the ring. The roof, if this place had one, just blew off! [CUTTO: Troy locking the cage door behind her.]

DM: I understand the champion gets perks. Parking, gift baskets, but a key to the cage door?

DT: Melton charges! KNEE TO THE BACK and Troy smashes right up against the cage door! He scoops her up…body slam on the ladder! [SFX: THUMP!] This style of play does favor Troy as Melton is a dinosaur, but credit to Joey for getting there first! Melton hooks the arm, suplex onto the ladder!

MN: What good is a prop if you’re not around to use it.

DM: Thanks Captain Solo.

DT: Joey setting the ladder up in a corner. Has he been in a ladder match before? Does anyone know?

MN: What the **** is this Thomas? The Capital One Trivia Question of the Night? Let’s just assume he’s been on one before and leave it at that.

DT: Joey a right hand to Troy’s chops as he bullies her into the opposite corner. A SHARP RESPONSE BY TROY! A left by Melton! A right by Troy! Melton with a knee to the gut! Irish Whip across the ring, REVERSAL! Troy sends Melton packing! [CUTTO: Joey being thrown over the ladder, back first!]


DT: You could hear the screams of pain from where we’re sitting!

MN: Actually that was me, Thomas. Lidge just gave it up again in the 9th.

[CUTTO: Lindsay running at Melton, she leaps in the air….]

DT: Troy…FLYING BODY PRESS ON THE LADDER! I think Melton’s body is sown onto the ladder! Lindsay, climbing the turnbuckle behind the ladder…no the cage! Is she going to the top again?


MN: Roll Joey…Roll like the wind!

DT: Troy is all the way up! Yes! [CUTTO: Giants stadium going ape poop.] She extends straight up, the balance! What a woman!



[CUTTO: Troy flipping, slowly in air, then crushing Melton over the ladder! The crowd can’t believe it. Joey slowly, slides off the ladder, and onto the mat!]

DT: Troy with the move of her life! But she’s hurt just as bad! She’s crazy for trying that move in such a small space. Lindsay…to her feet! [POP!] Had she missed that move, Dean…

DM: Had she missed, it’d be a tragic end to the Lindsay Troy story, but she nailed it. I’m speechless!

DT: And so is Melton, but that’s only because he’s out cold! Troy drags him to the center of the ring, will she pin here?

MN: Not if she has a heart! What else does she need to take from the man? WHAT ELSE! [sobs]

DT: Lindsay, drapes herself over Joey’s body. For the win….[CUTTO: Lucas flying into position.] ONE……………………….TWO…………………….[CUTTO: Melton barely kicking out.] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. [Crowd reacts in disbelief.]

DM: He’s a legend.

MN: Yes! Yes!

DT: Troy, her hands on her knees at Melton’s side. I think she’s smiling, Neely. She can’t believe the old man kicked out. Guys, I think she’s…dare I say proud?

MN: And I masturbate to her Maxim spread twice week, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want the woman dead here. She should be just as evil.

DT: The Queen takes the ladder and sets it up! [POP!] If Melton has never been in a ladder match before he’s quickly getting the idea. It’s a son of a *****. [CUTTO: Troy climbing the ladder as Melton slowly gets to his feet, the collapses in the ropes.] Lindsay is on top of the ladder!

DM: If she dropkicks Melton through this cage, she’s Wrestler of the Year. Hands down.

DT: MELTON LEAPS AND PUSHES THE LADDER OVER! [CUTTO: Troy falling down to the mat!] Desperation! But it worked for Joey! Melton limping. He’s been beat to hell. But he’s in the game. Joey grabs Troy by the hair and slams her face first into the ladder! AGAIN! [CUTTO: Close-up of Troy opened up a little. Bleeding from her hairline.] Melton Irish Whips Troy into the ropes, BACK BODY DROP ONTO THE LADDER! MAN!


[Crowd reacts in horror with the move.]

DT: Troy reaching for her back, what a shot taken there! Melton picks the ladder up and holds it in the air. TROY STANDING DROPKICK! [CUTTO: The ladder falling down on top of Joey Melton!] A burst of energy that pays off for the World Champion! Troy leaps onto of the ladder, she’s going to pin it and Melton!

MN: You’re ****ting me!

DT: One…………two…………..[CUTTO: Joey grabbing the bottom rope.] Another save! Troy folds up the ladder, Melton retreating wearily to the corner. TROY RAMS THE LADDER INTO MELTON’S CHEST! It’s War Of The Roses out here tonight!

DM: What a performance by both wrestlers tonight.

DT: Lindsay leaning the ladder against the top rope, Melton with a shot to the back of the neck! Joey shoots Troy off the ropes, side-pickup, no! LEG SCISSORS BY TROY, HURRICA-RANA! [CUTTO: The crowd giving Troy props.]

DM: A standing O from the crowd.

MN: Don’t get me headed in that direction!

DT: Lindsay scales the ladder, her back turned to Melton! A MOONSAULT OFF THE LADDER?

MN: Don’t get ahead of her. She’s the athlete you’re not!

DT: Right! [CUTTO: Gamely to his feet, watching Troy.] Lindsay LEAPS OFF!

[CUTTO: Melton grabbing the Ref’s hand and pulling him in the line of fire. Troy, attempting a spinning leg drop, catches Lucas by mistake.]

DT: A Lou Thesz Press of sorts on the Ref! [CUTTO: Lucas’ head hitting HARD on the mat.] Troy’s entire body weight just fell onto his head. He’s out! And it’s all Joey Melton’s fault!

MN: Blame the man, sure! Always! The Woman is NEVER at fault.

DT: Neely, shut up! [CUTTO: The crowd stirring. Then reacting as Adrian Evans comes out of the crowd, and fishes under the ring.] LITTLE VOLTRON! What’s he doing here?!

MN: I think he’s here to ref!

DT: Bull**** Neely!


[CUTTO: Evans pulling out a trampoline from under the ring and positioning it how he wants it.]

DT: Is that little freak going to catapult himself into this ring?

DM: I don’t see it. Even by the science of Robin Hood when Costner clears the Berlin Wall, I don’t buy it.

[CUTTO: Troy DDT’ing Melton! She notices the buzz and turns to see Evans.]

DT: Troy walking to the wall nearest Evans and she’s giving him a piece of his mind. I think DARING him to come in.

DM: There’s not a chance in Hell.

MN: Maybe if he REALLY tries.

[CUTTO: Troy laughing it off, and turning her back.]

DT: Evans can try all night he’s not getting in! Thank the cage for that…[POP!] Who is THAT?

[CUTTO: A masked man, with the wording “Dis’d Me” written on his mask, running out from the back. The man, with no wasted movements, leaps onto the trampoline and catapult’s 2/3rds of the way up the cage! He hangs on and starts to slowly climb. The Crowd goes nuts.]

DT: Who is that! Dis’d me? What the hell?


MN: Payback is a *****, honey!

DT: Melton and Beast working together, TROY SEE’S HIM! Lindsay LIKE A CUTE, SEXY MONKEY, SCAILS THE LADDER AND LEAPS ONTO THE CAGE! It’s a race to get to the top!

MN: Beast will get there first!

DT: Maybe not! Troy there as the masked man tries to climb over! Right hand to the face! [POP!] Another! Troy hooks the arm! Is she?

DM: She is!

DT: Troy…I can’t believe it, SUPERPLEX FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE!

[CUTTO: flashbulbs going off as Lindsay Troy Superplexes the masked man INTO THE RING! WHOOOOOOOOOMP!]

DT: Lindsay sends the Masked Man off the ropes, POWERSLAM! I’ve never seen her like this! Melton rushes in, but he’s dropped by a roundhouse kick! [CUTTO: The masked man on his knees, reaching for his back, clearly winded and beaten.] Lindsay saunters over….She’s tugging at the mask!! [HUGE POP!]

MN: It’s not coming off! Beast is probably double masked! He’s smart! I’ve seen it a thousand times!

DM: I see hair!

MN: That’s fine! Always happens. DON’T BE ALARMED HEEL FANS!

DT: Troy fighting with the man…SHE’S GOT THE MASK OFF! [MN: Well, this is new…] [CUTTO: Troy standing the man up, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around to see his face.] IT’S…………




DM: What in the world?

DT: Joey Melton?


DT: Melton from behind clips the knee! Troy down in a heap!

[CUTTO: Close-up of a Sleeping Steven Lucas.]


[CUTTO: Sheep going over a fence. One. Two. Three.]


DT: Double elbow on Troy by……Joey Melton. I….I don’t….

[CUTTO: The Two Melton’s standing and looking at each other. They’re a perfect match.]

DT: That man is the spitting image of Joey Melton. The crowd is as stunned as we are. Neely, what’s going on?

MN: He cloned himself. That’s all I got. We’ve finally become a piece of Star Wars fan fiction. I love it!

DM: Somewhere Craig Miles is preparing his suit for copyright infringement, I just know it.

DT: The two Meltons set Troy up over the ladder….SPIKED PILEDRIVER ON THE LADDER! My word! [CUTTO: The previously Masked Melton waking Lucas up.] No! This can’t be happening! Joey covers Troy.

DM: We’re going to have a new World Champion….

DT: Lucas is awake. Come one! [CUTTO: The ref groggily counting] ONE………..TWO…………………

[CUTTO: Lucas’ POV. He sees Melton pinning, and a blurry figure in the back ground that looks like Melton. He pauses, winces, then counts…]



DT: We have a new World Heavyweight Champion! And it’s…Joey Melton.


MN: Which one?


[CUTTO: The two Meltons embracing. Joey kisses…himself….on the forehead and offers instructions.]

DT: This has to be the oddest moment in my career.

MN: Don’t forget that time….no. You’re right. This is my happening man and I’M FREAKED OUT!

DT: Melton is handcuffing Lindsay Troy to the top rope. This can’t be good. We need help down there, right away. Lindsay Troy is physically spent and at the mercy of her ex-husband.

DM: Husbands!


[CUTTO: The second Melton egging on the crowd, then rearing back to HIT Lindsay Troy, but as he swings, Melton steps in and blocks it. Joey angrily waves him off.]

[CUTTO: Melton ripping the EPW World Heavyweight Championship out of a crew member’s hands through the cage door, then slinging it around his left shoulder. Joey smirks, and gets in Lindsay’s eye line.]

JOEY MELTON: They said I was overrated, they said it couldn’t be done. Well, **** what the Internet says, **** the naysayers, and **** Troy Windham who stole my gimmick ten years ago and made this moment happen. No, Lindsay, as Cammy might say, REALITY CHECK….I didn’t want this to happen.


DT: I bet he didn’t!

DM: Cruise quoted in a Main Event!

MN: Next step is getting to one!

JOEY MELTON: I begged. I pleaded. I got on my hands and knees and asked you not to mix business with pleasure, but you just had to do it! [Troy tries to kick at Melton!] No! No! I stood in the back while you said your piece at WRESTLEVERSE, while you hung our ****ing dirty laundry for the world to see, you’re going to listen to me now, dammit. You owe me as much!


JOEY MELTON: I changed who……..I……was…for you. I cleaned up. I found Jesus, granted not the savior, but I still went to Mexico to find Jesus(Hay-soos).

MN: Sacrifice!

JOEY MELTON: I found love, and I never thought I would. You were everything to me. And you HUMILIATED ME IN PUBLIC, because I am still the biggest name this business has to put in lights and sell to the public! It’s not what I couldn’t give. It’s what you didn’t have. Because I wouldn’t ****ing manage you on another shore. I wouldn’t sit at your side and be the good wife!

I never said I was perfect! I never said I couldn’t stop working. I never said I would be easy to love, but I kept our problems, our relationship out of the media, out of this business. The workaholic, who couldn’t commit, was not the one to sell US when the price was right.

[Lindsay tries feverishly to pull herself free of the cuffs.]

You didn’t want our marriage to be known because you worried how it’d affect your PR numbers. So, I put my call to the dirty rags on hold…I didn’t sell tickets to the Wedding of the Century. I didn’t tell a soul!

You said at WRESTLEVERSE I forced your hand.

I don’t think you needed much of a push, honey.

I told you not to get in business with Troy Windham, that he’d take more than you had to offer, and I was right. But to be bigger, to shock the world a second time, you sold me. You sold me and everything we had for the money. And then had the balls to blame it on me. [Joey gets in Troy’s face.] *****, you got nerve. You always have. And when you went to Dan Ryan and asked for this match [DM: WHAT?] and you know you did, I know you did… you backed me into a corner. See, I was gonna let it go. I was going to work on myself…for you…AGAIN. I was gonna change even more, give even more, squeeze lemon juice out of my nuts if need be, UNTIL…..

UNTIL…..you wanted to sell me again. Because it made sense. Because it’s the only place up you had to go. You were addicted to the big numbers, the big names and you put me and Baby Moses in a raft and you pushed us down wind.

Once I knew what you accused me of was true, once I knew you cared more about your status, the belt, the glory, the BUSINESS…than me….it was easy to sober up a second time.

You saved me once, and just for a little bit I didn’t have to depend on my…[Melton pauses briefly before turning to the gorgeous man on his right.] brother to get on along. My TWIN BROTHER.


[Crowd BUZZES!]

JOEY MELTON: When I hit rock bottom, when you busted my balls at WRESTLEVERSE and pissed on everything we had…I looked good and deep at myself, and I decided to get honest. For the first time in my career I decided to come clean. And the truth is….the truth that set me free: JOEY MELTON IS A LIE.


JOEY MELTON: Joey Melton is not rich. Has never been rich. Does not have fine taste. And he does not know a damn thing about the good life or read a book that didn’t have colored pages.

And he is not an only child.

What Joey Melton is, is a product of his environment. I am a product of divorce! I never married because I swore I’d never do to a family what I…what my brother and I had done to us. My mother kicked my daddy out, forced him out. A woman who could barely care for herself fought for custody for one child, not both. She didn’t want both. She wanted one just because it’d break my daddy’s heart. And Lindsay, being the older brother….I looked my mom in the eyes and I said the words I’ve most regretted in my life. “Mom, I’ll stay.”

And I stayed and my life became a living hell. Living a life worse than what people who crawl through chain link fences to get into this country experience. I let my brother go, because I was good and decent. And it may be the last time I ever was.

Lindsay, Alison, she was never rich. She was a way out yes, but she never provided me with anything when she left. Anything I’ve ever had in my life, my BROTHER gave to me. You see, he went to college, he got the smarts and he played the Stock Market into a mega fortune. At 25 he retired! And he came to look for me! He came to look for the boy left behind and he found me, wrestling for ****ing peanuts in a warehouse in Greensboro! He found me, the new-age carnie, just like our parents….the showman! And he said, “Joey, my brother….you don’t HAVE to do this. You don’t have to WORK! To give yourself to these pods. To the lower class! You’re above them now. You’re a part of me.” And you know what he said next, Lindsay. It’s the same words we said to each other, “What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine.” And he went out and bought me a thousand dollar suit. He bought me shoes that were worth as much as my life. He bought me a suite next to the Trumps. He read me English Literature at night. He bought it all for me, because I set him free!

But it wasn’t all free. I had something he didn’t. The Showman genes….the athletic talent. He supported me, funneled me hundreds of thousands of dollars under the condition that I let him see life through my eyes. He welcomed me into his world, and I took him into mine. I…took my brother as an apprentice. I trained him from the ground up. And for the last nineteen years, Lindsay, we’ve been the greatest show this sport has ever seen.

DT: What’s he implying!

MN: Genius!

JOEY MELTON: You know how it is, Lindsay. There are just some nights you don’t want to go to work. [laughs] So I’d take a week off, and let my brother tour. I’d stay home and enjoy the good life. Did it matter to me when he lost more than his share of matches? Not for a second, baby, because I was finally clear of the life that I ran from as a child! But…. [Melton leans against the ropes next to Troy.] you could only run from yourself for so long. It began to eat at me….the fact that I was lying to the public, lying to myself. That I wasn’t half the man people thought I was. So anything I had in this business that was mine, I drank, gambled away or put in my arms. Troy, what you saw in Japan that night…that shell of a man…THAT WAS JOEY MELTON. And you told me it was okay. You told me it was okay to be myself. And I believed EVERY WORD YOU SAID. I told my brother not a penny more. I moved out…and I tried to win your hand with a clean slate…I tried to win your love being me. And only me. And it worked. And it really worked….I did love you Troy. You’ll never know how much. But just when I thought life was finally roses…just when I was settled and playing a winning hand…you crawled in this ring and said the words that destroyed me as a boy, “I WANT A DIVORCE!” You told me I wasn’t good enough, that you wanted out! How dare you Lindsay! How dare you lead me out of the darkness and then say, “BUT IT’S NOT ENOUGH!”

Lesson one learned in life was never trust a woman. It took a lot to put it to rest, but I did. I should’ve listened to my gut…

MN: Wherever he is, Dan Quayle loves this guy now, even more!

DM: [laughs]

JOEY MELTON: I told you I’d put on a show. I told you the Circus was back in town. But it didn’t have to be like this. You chose to play me for a fool! And nobody! No WOMAN! WILL EVER DO THAT AGAIN!

[looking off into the crowd.]

THERE’S A NEW ERA UPON EPW! Joey Melton is your new ringleader! And I’m telling you now to fasten your seat belts, because it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

[CUTTO: The Melton brothers hugging. Joey staring at the EPW World title like a father would hold a newborn.]

DT: I’m still not sure what we witnessed…

MN: We’re in psycho Ville and Melton is the mayor!

DT: I’ve…..well, I’ve just gotta digest everything that’s just happened.

DM: I’m absolutely speechless. Absolutely speechless.

DT: Well, for our NEW partners in crime…I’m Dave Thomas….we’ll be right back here with NIGHT TWO of Wrestlestock tomorrow night!!!

[Fade to copyright….]
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FWrestling.com was founded in 1994 to promote a community of fantasy wrestling fans and leagues. Since then, we've hosted dozens of leagues and special events, and thousands of users. Come join and prove you're "Even Better Than The Real Thing."

Add Your League

If you want to help grow the community of fantasy wrestling creators, consider hosting your league here on FW. You gain access to message boards, Discord, your own web space and the ability to post pages here on FW. To discuss, message "Chad" here on FW Central.

What Is FW?

Take a look at some old articles that are still relevant regarding what fantasy wrestling is and where it came from.
  • Link: "What is FW?"
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