FRIDAY NIGHT VULGAR 04/GOLDEN BOY GP

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CONTENTS:

i. Contents
ii. Intro (Nothin's gonna ever keep you down!)
iii. Pro to tha re to tha logue to tha caps
iv. Patton's Last Stand/Windham's Final Prayer(?)
v. Cincinnati Bengals Fetish Hotline
vi. Semis/We're Banning the Word "PURPLE DRINK"
vii. Semis/Not Quit Hard Yet
viii. The Following Messages Are Brought to You By...
ix. FINALS

 

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ii. Intro (Nothin's gonna ever keep you down!)

(FADEIN: The black lettering of the ‘NLW’ logo with red underline moves closer over a white background to the front of your screen; the closer it comes, the louder we hear the sound of screeching over subway tracks.. As it comes forward, it begins revolving 180 degrees. When it turns, the back of the logo features MAGNUS DESTRUCTO throwing up a spike-shouldered arm inside the logo lettering. It turns two more times, this time featuring a cross-armed BOBBY JACK WINDHAM looking down at the camera. Turns two more times, and we see a pan shot of a packed crowd at the Manhattan Center as the logo flies through the screen, transitioning to a full screen shot of the crowd)

(CUEUP: “You’re the Best Around” by Joe Esposito- KARATE KID Soundtrack)

“Try to be best
‘Cause you're only a man
And a man's gotta learn to take it”

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic, featuring the NLW GOLDEN BOY GRAND PRIX logo in the middle. The first round brackets are filled out with names and headshot photos. EDDIE PATTON’s pic flies out to full screen)

“Try to believe
Though the going gets rough
That you gotta hang tough to make it”

(CUTTO: PATTON nailing an opponent with a spinwheel kick)

(CUTTO: PATTON landing a flying leg drop on WANDERLUST, causing his body to bounce off the canvas; the crowd in the background jumps in excitement)

(CUTTO: PATTON flipping BOBBY JACK WINDHAM over with a hurricanrana)

‘ELECTRIC’ EDDIE PATTON

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic: CHIEF BIG BET’s pic flies out to full screen)

“History repeats itself
Try and you'll succeed
Never doubt that you're the one
And you can have your dreams!”

(CUTTO: BIG BET walking down the aisle, wearing full Native American head dress)

(CUTTO: BIG BET with the microphone at center-ring)

(CUTTO: BIG BET’s smiling face lighting up as a the spinning slots of a slot machine reflect in his eyes)

CHIEF BIG BET

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic: BOBBY JACK WINDHAM’s pic flies out to full screen)

“You're the best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down”

(CUTTO: WINDHAM grounding an opponent with a big knee)

(CUTTO: WINDHAM stomping PATTON’s head, getting in his face with a microphone, preaching- rinse, repeat one more time)

(CUTTO: WINDHAM leveling someone with a ‘SWEETWATER DREAMS’ clothesline from Hell!)

BOBBY JACK WINDHAM

“You're the best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down”

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic: JEEBUS H. MCFARK’s pic flies out to full screen)

“You're the Best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own”

(CUTTO: JEEBUS kicking a drink out of an airline attendant’s hand)

“Fight ‘til the end
Cause your life will depend
On the strength that you have inside you”

(CUTTO: JEEBUS in full Braveheart facepaint and kilt, screaming his lungs out)

(CUTTO: JEEBUS flexing his bicep which features a tattoo portrait of WILLIAM WALLACE)

JEEBUS H. MCFARK

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic: ELI SCHEINBERG’s pic flies out to full screen)

“Ah you gotta be proud
starin' out in the cloud
When the odds in the game defy you”

(CUTTO: SCHEINBERG nailing HARRY HOLOCAUST with a golden dreidel)

(CUTTO: SCHEINBERG throwing furious rights and lefts while cursing in Hebrew at an opponent- not that you could hear it over the music, nor understand Hebrew, but hey…)

“Try your best to win them all
and one day time will tell
when you're the one that's standing there
you'll reach the final bell!”

(CUTTO: SCHEINBERG hitting ‘L’CHAIM’ on somebody)

ELI SCHEINBERG

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic: WANDERLUST’s pic flies out to full screen)

(CUTTO: WANDERLUST locked in an intense, sexual tensions-filled staredown with an older female member of the crowd)

“You're the best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down”

(CUTTO: WANDERLUST spike piledriving ELI SCHEINBERG’s head into the mat)

(CUTTO: WANDERLUST going shot for shot with Scheinberg in the crowd)

WANDERLUST

“You're the best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down”

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic: IMPULSE’s pic flies out to full screen)

(CUTTO: IMPULSE pulling down ZESTY MORDANT with a backwards rolling knee bar)

“You're the best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down”

(CUTTO: IMPULSE hitting ‘SUDDEN IMPACT’ on an opponent)

(CUTTO: IMPULSE hitting ANOTHER ‘SUDDEN IMPACT’ on someone!)

IMPULSE

(CUTTO: Tournament brackets graphic: BEN LERNER’s pic flies out to full screen)

(CUTTO: BEN LERNER in a suit in the middle of an LVW ring)

(CUTTO: BEN LERNER cutting a commercial, pointing at the screen, probably asking if you’ve been injured in a recent accident and are seeking legal action)

“You're the Best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ho-how-ho-own”

(CUTTO: BEN LERNER smacking some jabronie in the face)

“THE HARD HITTER” BEN LERNER

INSPIRING GUITAR SOLO

(FLASH-CUTTO: Shifting through scenes of all eight men hooking the leg to score wins over various opponents!)

(CUTTO: NLW GOLDEN BOY GRAND PRIX logo)

“You're the best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down

You're the Best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you down

You're the Best!
Around!
Nothing's gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own”

(CUTTO: JIMMY MYLDE in Aviator sunglasses, arms crossed, wearing a John Krease edition black cutoff KOBRA KAI DOJO karate gi. He pulls his glasses down to his nose and looks at the camera)

MYLDE: Sweep the leg.

(FADEOUT)

 

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iii. Pro to tha re to tha logue to tha caps

(CUEUP: “The National Anthem” by Radiohead)

(FADEIN: Standing in front of the black and white NLW backdrop are BRIAN OBERSTARR and JIMMY MYLDE. Oberstarr’s wearing a suit, but…wait a second, why is Jimmy in a polo and aviator sunglasses?)

OBERSTARR: (eyeing Mylde) …

MYLDE: You going Sapphic on us, Oberstarr?

OBERSTARR: Hey, far be it from me to tell you how to dress, Jimmy, but aren’t you looking a bit…nautical? We’re not exactly on your sailboat- this is the NLW GOLDEN BOY Grand Prix! It’s a big event…

MYLDE: I already know where you’re going with this, and as usual I’m five steps ahead of you. You see, I dressed to THE NINES for that other tournament we had, thinking we were taking things up a notch. Ya know, “the next level.” Next thing I know, there’s fans running into the ring, P90X, Russian circus bears, people winning and then unwinning, and some idiot named Ben Halkum we grabbed from the local resource room. You tell me, Oberstarr, is that an event worth a look at my designer suit?

OBERSTARR: Well actually, it-

MYLDE: OK, you want Papa Jimmy to level with you? Here it is: I’M BROKE, Oberstarr. Dead broke. That month and a half we took off sent me into a financial tailspin, combined with a hit I took on some bad real estate investments. There used to be a time I could afford new suits, now I can’t even shop at Bloomingdale’s.

OBERSTARR: Look, there isn’t anything wro-

MYLDE: You see this shirt I’m wearing? See it? IZOD. It’s that bad, Brian. They canceled my Burberry credit card, and now I’m reduced to grabbing IZOD off the sale rack. So go on with the show, but don’t mind me; I’ll just stand here looking the only way I can afford to look. But I still got my glasses-

OBERSTARR: Alright! This is FRIDAY NIGHT VULGAR, the GOLDEN BOY Grand Prix tournament! I’m Brian Oberstarr, with me as always a struggling but present Jimmy Mylde. Tonight’s the night, Jimmy. We will crown our Golden Boy, who will go on to face MAGNUS DESTRUCTO for the NLW World Open Weight Championship at Eye for an Eye.

MYLDE: Oh this is BIG, Obie, and I mean BIG! The winner tonight gets a shot to earn something that none of these other schmucks has, and that’s a title belt.

OBERSTARR: And that person will be the undisputed number one wrestler in the company, won’t he?

MYLDE: Absolutely. He’ll be the champion, and thus can parlay that belt into a contract deal with either EPW or NFW. And THAT my friends, is when the big bucks start rolling in. (rubs fingers together)

OBERSTARR: As of this moment, we’re down to a final four, and due to time constraints can NOT show you every match in their entirety. However, we will give you a summary of what went down, plus the semis and finals from bell to bell. Before we get to that, let’s look at the field. 265 pounds is the weight limit for this bracket, and boy if there’s one guy who sticks out like a five legged dog it’s CHIEF BIG BET, tipping the scales at a highly questionable 264 and one half pounds. The next biggest competitor is Bobby Jack Windham, who weighs in at 255, and he’s SIX FOOT SIX! I ask you, Jimmy, does this give Big Bet a significant advantage over the field?

MYLDE: No, he lost.

OBERSTARR: (sighs and rubs his temples) …

MYLDE: What, you want me to take a hot tub time machine back to before I knew the results? Oh OK, yeah yeah yeah, big time advantage, we’re just gonna have to see what happens! (rolls eyes)

OBERSTARR: (shakes head) Let’s go to the tape.

(CUTTO: BIG BET ragdolls IMPULSE into the turnbuckles; as Impulse bounces out of the corner, he gets hit with a BIG elbow!)

OBERSTARR: And after being on the offensive most of the match, Impulse now finds himself on the short end, with victory possibly slipping away!

MYLDE: To a rookie, no less. What is this, Big Bet’s first match? Impulse came down from the heavens to grace us with his presence, and a greenhorn is about to end the magic. What a world. And it’s not like this is one of those hotshot big league rookies. No, this is OUR rookie.

OBERSTARR: I’d put our rookies against “their” rookies any day of the damn week, Jimmy. Impulse slow to his feet, but the Chief just JERKS him down by the head. Drops a knee to the face and a quick pin…ONE, TWOOO…TWO COUNT! Big Bet wants to keep the pressure on Impulse, maybe take him by surprise. You’re not gonna outwork the Marathon Man, but maybe, MAYBE you can catch him off-guard.

MYLDE: Yeah, hide behind the shower curtain or the closet door or something. That’ll get him.

OBERSTARR: Big Bet climbing over Impulse- NAILS him with a right, and another, aaaaand another! At this rate, Impulse’ll be donning the crimson mask! Big Bet, Chieftan of the Mohegan Tribe, has Impulse up now…IRISH WHIP! HERE IT COMES, THE TRAIL OF TEARS! NOOO! BIG CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL MISSES!

MYLDE: TURN AROUND, CHIEF!

OBERSTARR: SUDDEN IMPACT! BIG BET IS OUT COLD! IMPULSE HOOKS THE LEG…ONE, TWO, THREE! IMPULSE MOVES ON!

(CUTTO: OBERSTARR and MYLDE in front of the NLW backdrop)

OBERSTARR: And that was all she wrote for the Chief. Maybe RA had a showdown in mind with the undefeated Impulse as retribution for cheating the scale?

MYLDE: Serves him right for living on tax-free reservation land! His next gig will be doing rain dances for six packs of Milwaukee’s Best.

OBERSTARR: The MYSTIC WANDERER, also known as WANDERLUST came into the tournament a heavy favorite, despite losses to Eddie Patton and Eli Scheinberg. In fact, since his most recent loss on the second edition of VULGAR, Wanderlust had racked up a nice streak of wins that had many predicting he might even WIN this thing! He would draw newcomer and Scotland native JEEBUS MCFARK, in what many expected to be a one-sided affair. What happened was something far different…

MYLDE: Is this where I insert the Braveheart reference? OK, here goes: William Wallace came down from the highlands, all twelve feet of him, lightning bolts being shot out of his ass and all…yelling battle cries of freedom at Lusty. Some even speculate he imagined Wanderlust as King William Longshanks of England. According to Longshanks, the best way to beat the Scots is not to burn them out, but to BREED THEM OUT. And hell, if there’s one man whose up to the task of breeding anyone out, let alone little old Scotland, it’s Wanderlust. I’ve seen his resume, Oberstarr, and it actually includes the breeding out of the Island of St. Croix.

OBERSTARR: What does that even mean? Nevermind; I don’t want to know! Folks, this match was so brutal, so taxing on the body, that-

MYLDE: That we’re going to COMPLETELY rip you off by airing only the final 30 seconds!

OBERSTARR: Well, not even. I’ll have to describe it to them, as we’re strapped for time and have MUCH MORE to show you!

MYLDE: Yeah nice save.

OBERSTARR: Jeebus has a shoot background, sporting a mixed martial arts record that includes more wins than it does losses. Wanderlust came in looking tanned and relaxed, like he just came from the weight room at the beach.

MYLDE: He did, he told me.

OBERSTARR: Well it was NOT another day at the office for-

MYLDE: Jones Beach I think it was. I asked him.

OBERSTARR: Could you let me FINISH Jimmy? Wanderlust had the fight taken to him early, getting cut in the opening minutes from repeated downward elbows to the head. McFark was obviously playing prison rules from the get-go, catching Wanderlust off-guard.

MYLDE: Silly Jeebus, he forgot one thing: Wanderlust has been to MULTIPLE foreign prisons, usually overnight for something small like public intoxication, forging a passport, impersonating the homeless, or sleeping with a minister of parliament’s wife. But still, HE WAS THERE, Oberstarr!

OBERSTARR: That’s right. And once Wanderlust realized he was in a fight, he was able to turn the tables. Was it enough for victory? Complications ensued. A woman from the crowd demanded to inhale Wanderlust’s musk, straight from the beads of sweating formulating within and around his chest hair. The wise move would’ve been to meet up with her AFTER the match, but this did not happen. The Mystic Wanderer obliged the fan, who looked to be in her mid to late thirties, which gave Jeebus enough time to recover and hit a missile dropkick from the top rope. Wanderlust split his head against the guardrail upon impact, and it was feared he might not continue, the blood loss was that bad. Not wanting to wait around for the result, Jeebus rolled him into the ring and once again donned the top rope, this time hitting a flying side elbow for the ONE, TWO, THREE!

MYLDE: Vegas was going crazy!

OBERSTARR: Indeed it was, as this was the single biggest upset we’ve seen yet in NLW. But hey, it wouldn’t be a tournament without those, now would it?

MYLDE: Alright keep ‘em coming Oberstarr, these people want ACTION!

OBERSTARR: Oh they got action in this next match, albeit in a short, violent spurt. THE HEBREW HITMAN, THE MANCHESTER MAULER…ELI SCHEINBERG came into tonight’s tournament as one of TWO NLW wrestlers currently undefeated in both televised and non-televised match, the other being Impulse. His opponent was noted LVW lawyer BEN LERNER.

MYLDE: It was like JEW on JEW violence, Oberstarr!

OBERSTARR: That’s one way of putting it. Another would be to say it was Eli on Ben Lerner violence, as that’s a pretty good summary of what went on. Looking to make his stamp on the tournament, Eli bumrushed ‘THE HARD HITTER’ with a barrage of offense ranging from dirty boxing, to collegiate style slams.

MYLDE: Holy Moses, what happened to Lerner’s concentration? Did somebody break it by throwing a penny into the ring?

OBERSTARR: After dumping Lerner on his head with two consecutive German suplexes, he locked on ENGLISH ANGUISH, that dreaded modified Dragon Sleeper, for the submission victory in an NLW record setting 98 seconds!

MYLDE: Tell ‘em what happened next. Go on, tell ‘em.

OBERSTARR: That was when an overzealous fan threw a copy of children’s book “Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins” into the ring. Scheinberg, never being one to shy away from controversy, picked up the book and proceeded to beat his downed opponent with it. This actually prompted RA to get on the PA and warn the crowd about participating in a way that could be construed as anti-Semitic. He was quickly booed, and left the ring. Nevertheless, Eli Scheinberg moves on to the second round with the most dominating victory of the first.

MYLDE: He may be a scrawny Brit punk, but you can’t deny him; the kid’s on a roll.

OBERSTARR: Absolutely. The first round was almost at a close, with only one match remaining. What transpired next was perhaps the most unforgettable moment in NLW’s short, short history. A moment so marked in controversy and warrior’s pride, we’re going to show you the final moment in its entirety. DO NOT get up, DO NOT change the channel. This isn’t the time to grab a snack, or visit the bathroom. STAY…RIGHT…THERE.

(CUTTO: STATIC)

 

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iv. Patton's Last Stand/Windham's Final Prayer(?)

(CUTTO: ‘ELECTRIC’ EDDIE PATTON comes flying off the ropes with a back elbow, sending BOBBY JACK WINDHAM to the mat. Patton pops right up and pumps his fist to the approval of the crowd)

OBERSTARR: Windham down AGAIN! And his troubles with the aerial attack CONTINUE here, as Patton’s been relentless all night!

MYLDE: They’ve both got that collegiate wrestling pedigree, but I think Patton realized after last time that Windham’s wrestling is downright superior. The only success he had…was in the air. Now look at him, Oberstarr- flying around like a Mexican baked bean!

OBERSTARR: You mean ‘jumping bean’?

MYLDE: Alright, yeah, whatever.

OBERSTARR: Windham to his knees, oh no BUT HERE’S PATTON WITH THE SHINING WIZARD! QUICKLY HOOKS THE LEG! AND HEEEEEE NO! TWO COUNT ONLY! Patton picks Bobby Jack up by the head, but here’s Bobby Jack now with shots to the gut! He’s fighting back hard and BULLS Patton into the corner! NO, REVERSAL! Patton with a springboard drop kick! Right back up! He peppers Windham with shots, Windham now stumbling out of the corner!

MYLDE: Come on Bobby Jack, don’t let this electric idiot make a fool out of the Windham clan!

OBERSTARR: Patton sends Windham off the ropes with an Irish whip; Patton…SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT, BUT HE FLIES OVERTOP WINDHAM WHO KEEPS RUNNING…OH NO! OH NO! SWEETWATER DREAMS! SWEETWATER DREAMS! WINDHAM KEPT THE MOMENTUM GOING, AND BY THE TIME PATTON LANDED, THE VERY SECOND HE DID, WINDHAM CONNECTED WITH THAT CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! IT’S OVER! IT’S ALL OVER!

MYLDE: (audibly clapping) Very nice, VERY nice!

OBERSTARR: Windham drops a knee on Patton for the win…ONE, TWO…what the?...Windham let it him up! Windham let him up? Huh? What is he DOING?

MYLDE: Come on, don’t mess around Bobby, it’s the first round g*ddamn it!

OBERSTARR: He just lifted Patton up and carried him to the ropes! Oh no, WHAT IS THIS? He’s tying his arms up in the ropes! This scene looks all too familiar, and I hope for Patton’s sake…Oh God he is…he’s calling for the mic! This should be grounds for a disqualification, COME ON!

MYLDE: Pull your skirt up, Oberstarr! There’s nothing in the rules that says you can’t do this!

OBERSTARR: Windham’s got a house mic, and he delivers a BIG KNEE to the mouth of Patton, who can’t escape!

(Crowd BOOS HARD as WINDHAM surveys them before finally speaking)

WINDHAM: Now ah know ya’ll never been to no Sunday school, buncha retrogrades thatcha are… (BOOOO!) …but what ahm ‘bout ta do oughtta be familiar at this point. Ah TRIED saving Eddie Patton’s soul last time. Ah ASKED Jesus to fergive him his transgressions, but it’s clear…Eddie Patton wouldn’t let th’ Lord into his life. (BOOOO!) AH DID! Ah asked fer Eddie ta be SAVED! But now…Eddie…

MYLDE: I think he means business, Oberstarr!

(Windham crouches right in front of Patton’s face)

WINDHAM: …now…ah’m askin’ Jesus ta save MAH SOUL…fer what ah got ta do raht here. (BOOO!)

OBERSTARR: Oh no, Windham off the ropes! DRIVES THAT KNEE INTO THE CHEST OF PATTON! Christ, he almost freed from the ropes with that one!

WINDHAM: Dear Jesus…it’s Bobby Jack Windham again. And Lord, fer th’ first time in a long time, ah’m SCARED. Scared of what ah got ta do t’ Eddie here. If there was any other way, Lord…but there’s not. Now ah KNOW you coulda made me anything, Lord. Coulda made me any ONE. You didn’t HAFTA make me a Windham. Ah coulda been Bobby Jack Carpenter, Bobby Jack Rosenberg…

MYLDE: BOBBY JACK MYLDE!

WINDHAM: …heck, you coulda made me Bobby Jack Patton, imagine that? But you didn’t. You made me Bobby Jack WINDHAM. And you see, Eddie…th’ Lord don’t go makin’ people Windhams, unless he’s intendin’ fer them ta be WINNERS. And when you go doin’ stuff like tryin’ ta pull th’ upset on me, refusin’ ta go down…

OBERSTARR: You HAD HIM down!

WINDHAM: …that means yer interferin’ with GOD’S WORK. And that’s when you bring GOD’S WRATH. So Lord, ah’m askin’ you ta fill me with yer wrath, MAKE ME YOUR VESSEL…and GIVE ME A SIGN!

OBERSTARR: He’s CRAZY! He’s certi-f*cking-fiably CRAZY!

(CROWD BOOING, SOME THROW TRASH!)

(Windham drops to his knees, eyes closed, head down, microphone at this lap. We can’t hear him, but we can read his lips as he says, “Give me a sign, Lord’. Within a moment, he looks up, mouths “Thank you” and rises to his feet)

OBERSTARR: NOW where’s he going?

MYLDE: Wherever he wants, Oberwan!

OBERSTARR: He’s outside the ring, arguing with the timekeeper. (SFX: SLAP!) COME ON! HE JUST SLAPPED STEVE AYLWARD, THE TIMEKEEPER, OUT OF HIS SEAT! Now he’s got the ring bell!

MYLDE: Oh boy, NIGHT NIGHT Patton! It was nice knowing you, ham ‘n egger!

(Windam tosses the ring bell onto the mat, enters the ring, and picks it back up. He looks to the sky and mouths something before making the sign of the cross. Now he kisses the bell. He backs up a little, and…)

OBERSTARR: NO! NO! DON’T DO IT, BOBBY! DON’T DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIT- (SFX: THUD!)

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

(Moment of silence between the announce team, while Windham immediately drops the ring bell. He walks over to the ropes and simply stares out at the crowd. Patton simply hangs by his arms from the ropes, looking almost crucified. His jaw is…noticeably crooked)

…

(CLOSEUP on Patton)

MYLDE: He looks like a Picasso, doesn’t he?

OBERSTARR: Never in my entire career, Jimmy. Never. This wasn’t a grudge match, wasn’t for a title, it wasn’t even for a TROPHY! It’s the g*ddamn first round, the mentality should be “get in, win, get out.” This didn’t have to HAPPEN, Jimmy, IT DIDN’T HAVE TO HAPPEN! Tonight…the line was CROSSED, and it was Bobby Jack Windham who crossed it!

MYLDE: (falsetto voice) “Mwit din’t hafta happen Jwimmy! Mwit din’t hafta happen!” Yeah, well IT DID. OK, so maybe he didn’t have to Section 8 the kid’s jaw like that, but this is a MAN’S GAME, Oberstarr! And when you’re in there with a man like Windham, he might just decide to say a few prayers, throw a few knees, and remove your jaw. Par for the course, Oberstarr. Par for the frigging course.

OBERSTARR: Great, he’s got Patton by the legs like a wheelbarrow now. WILL YOU JUST FINISH HIM, PLEASE? END IT!

MYLDE: I second that. Put this bum away already, Bobby!

OBERSTARR: Finally he’s free from the ropes, since Windham just pulled him out. He hunches himself forward, arms tight around Patton’s legs. It looks like he’s going to…going to yes, POWERBOMB HIM TO A FINISH! HERE WE GO! HE’S GOT PATTON UP! HOLDING HIM! HOLDING HIM!

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!”

OBERSTARR: HURRICANRANA! HURRICANRANA! IT CAN’T BE!

CROWD: ONE! TWO! THREE!

OBERSTARR: YES! YES! FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT, JIMMY! FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT! HE WAS DEAD ON THE SCENE!

(SFX: Er, wait, the bell can’t ring, Windham stole it)

SIREN: HERE IS YOUR WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(CUEUP: “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC)

MYLDE: Let that be a lesson to ya, kids: don’t play with your dinner.

OBERSTARR: Patton’s not moving, but Windham’s right back up, now he’s stomping on Patton! Here comes security! Patton’s gonna need immediate medical attention, and in fact…he may not be able to continue after this. We could very well see Windham move on simply by default, or perhaps Big Bet or Wanderlust could serve as alternate! Either way, that jaw looks to be broken to pieces, separated too.

MYLDE: Thank you, Doctor Oberstarr.

(Security finally removes Windham from the ring, as NLW medical staff arrive on scene and surround the injured Patton)

(CUTTO: OBERSTARR and MYLDE in front of the NLW backdrop)

OBERSTARR: He had him beat, Jimmy. The match was won, all he had to do was hold him for the three count. This was hubris, plain and simple. They say pride came before the fall, and maybe this was God teaching Windham a lesson in humility?

MYLDE: Alright, don’t get all biblical on us here. I think even Jesus was surprised at the outcome. No one could have expected the kid to pull off the win after that.

OBERSTARR: Indeed. And we have an update for you regarding Eddie Patton’s status- his jaw is broken in two places and needed to be reset. It was suggested he forfeit his place in the second round, but this will not be the case. Eddie Patton WILL wrestle in the second round, and his opponent is set to be Jeebus H. McFark. As for Impulse and Eli Scheinberg, they will meet in the other semi-final match, which is coming up NEXT! Stay right there, we’re back in a moment!

(FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

v. Cincinnati Bengals Fetish Hotline

(FADEIN: Woman’s red lips, a finger drags across it; flash cut to nylon stocking being pulled over a leg; flash cut to smiling brunette female on the phone)

FEMALE V/O: Mmmm…hi baby. I’m lonely tonight, and waiting for your call. You gonna let me sit at home bored? Dial 1-888-491-2012, and we’ll talk about your DEEPEST, DARKEST, DIRRRRTIEST, Cincinnati Bengals-related fantasies!

DEEP SLO-MO MALE V/O: CINCINNATTI BENGALS FETISH HOTLINE!

(CUTTO: Geeky fat dude)

FAT DUDE: That’s right b*tch, you WEAR your Bengals facepaint to bed!

FEMALE V/O: Mmmm, BABY! Rub that black and orange all-over-my-FACE! YEEEEESSSS!

FAT DUDE: I TOLD YOU, CALL ME OCHOCINCO! TELL ME I’M HIM! I’M OCHOCINCO B*TCH, SAY IT!

(CUTTO: Female having a good time on the phone)

FEMALE V/O: Ever fantasize about making the third-string cornerback suck your dick to get a couple of starts? Blowing your load in the competition’s helmet during camp? Did you ever want to Carson Palm-her?

GEEKY MALE V/O: …drag that sharpie down my shaft, scribble my balls…mmmm, yeah, now sign my grundle! Yeaaaah SLUT, sign my grundle!

(CUTTO: NLW wrestler ‘DANGEROUS’ DUKE MACKEY, on the phone, hand down his pants)

MACKEY: When Marvin Lewis tells you something, you LISTEN! I didn’t coordinate the greatest defense in Ravens history to a Super Bowl so you could DEFY ME. Now slide under that glass table, baby. OK, Coach Lewis climbs on top of it, drops his drawers. Here it comes baby: you wanna see me sh*t on this glass table, huh? You want Marvin Lewis to sh*t on this glass table while you’re under it?

(CUTTO: Sexy female on the phone)

FEMALE V/O: We’ll even fulfill your FILTHIEST humiliation fantasies!

(CUTTO: Same female on the phone, this time leaning against her kitchen counter with a baby in her hands, feeding it Gerber mashed bananas)

GEEKY MALE V/O: Oh gawd…I’m so pathetic!

FEMALE: (paying attention to the baby while she speaks disinterestedly) That’s right you f*cking loser. You and your loser team, and that sad piece of sh*t excuse for a quarterback, Boomer Esiason. You guys blew that Super Bowl to the 49ers like the baby dick bastards you are. (Baby spits up bananas on his bib; she wipes it)

GEEKY MALE V/O: UGGGHHH, UGGGGHHH, YES! TELL ME IT’S SMALL!

(CUTTO: Same female lips from the first frame, with a ‘CINCINNATI BENGALS FETISH HOTLINE’ logo superimposed over them, plus the number)

FEMALE V/O: Have the division winning orgasm you always DREAMED OF! Grab your Ochocinco jersey NOW and call the Cincinnati Bengals Fetish Hotline at 1-888-491-2012.

QUICK MALE V/O: Season ticket packages also available!

(FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

vi. Semis/We're Banning the Word "PURPLE DRINK"

(FADEIN: Red and blue mist-lights dimly illuminate the entranceway, where ELI SCHEINBERG just walked out from. His arms are raised in the air, slowly making his way to the ring as “Supersonic” by Oasis plays over the loudspeaker. He’s popular with some of the punk elements, but for the most part they boo him; maybe it’s his Jew-fro, or the spandex pants which split the Israeli Star of David and the British Union Jack. Hands are extended out from the guardrails, begging for his touch; he ignores all but one, which is promptly slaps out of his way. The fan yells back at him, “Yeaaaaah DICK!”)

OBERSTARR: For all the fanfare surrounding Impulse, well deserved I might add, not enough’s been said about Eli Scheinberg who makes his way to the ring. The right hand columns of his win-loss record stands at ZERO, Jimmy, a distinction that only Impulse shares.

MYLDE: The kid’s good, no doubt about it. You wanna beat Impulse, you gotta have two things: good enough sense not to underestimate him for his size, and big enough balls not to let his stature intimidate you. For the smaller guys like Eli, that’s important. Don’t let him beat you before the bell rings.

OBERSTARR: Though I’d suggest Eli not get OVER-confident, cocky even, as he’s been known to do.

MYLDE: Hey, it’s brought him this far. Nothing wrong with a little cocky, Oberstarr, and a lot of cocky’s even better. A little cocky just doesn’t match up with a big cocky, no matter HOW you use it.

OBERSTARR: Uhh…we’re still talking about the same thing, right?

MYLDE: I told you, they pay me per dick joke.

“LEFT! LEFT! LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT!”

(CUEUP: “Revolution Baby” by Queen V)

(BIG POP!)

SIREN: And now! FROMMMMMM NEW YOOOOOOOORK-NEW YORK!

(Out of the entrance walks IMPULSE who throws an arm up to the adoring crowd! One of his taped fists has ‘JFZ’ scribbled on it in memory of deceased best friend and fellow product of Coop’s Gym, Johnny Fizzbin. Other than his tights, he’s sporting an old beat up leather jacket over a ‘Make Your Own Revolution’ mock Soviet red tee. At his side is CALICO ROSE, dressed in plain clothing- jeans and a shirt. He does a little jog and shimmy on his way to the ring, before stopping to click his neck left then right. Yeah, he’s about ready)

SIREN: He stands FIVE FOOT ELEVEN, weighs ONE HUNDRED and EIGHTY EIGHT hmmm-POUNDS! Accompanied to the ring by CALEEEEEEEEEECOOOOOO ROSE! Hmmmmmmmmmm-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMM(CROWD: ARRAAAHHHH!)MMMMMMMMMMMMM-PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSEEEEEEEE-AHHHH!

OBERSTARR: THERE HE IS! The man who most consider the favorite to win this thing-

MYLDE: Alright we get the point, Oberstarr. You wanna tickle his balls while you’re down there?

OBERSTARR: Jimmy, why can’t you be more like such respected color commentators as CSWA’s Bill Buckley, or NFW’s Lamont Hollywood?

MYLDE: Please, don’t insult me. Those two couldn’t shine my shoes if I was a landowner, they were black, and the year was 1859.

OBERSTARR: (whispers) Watch it Jimmy, Lamont’s black!

MYLDE: Wait, WHAT? What’d you just say?

OBERSTARR: Well he’s umm…he IS black, isn’t he? I mean I thought-

MYLDE: (laughing) Oh man, you better trade in the radio for color TV, Ober-wan. Lamont ain’t black…you freaking AMATEUR! If HE’S black, then just call me Jimmy “Grape Drink” Mylde!

OBERSTARR: Great, now I’m getting texts from ESEN. You’re the one making insensitive racial comments, but I’M the bad guy.

MYLDE: They expect more from you, my friend.

OBERSTARR: That’s enough out of you, Grape Drink. HERE WE GO! SCHEINBERG-IMPULSE…SOMEBODY’S GOTTA LOSE!

MYLDE: BOOSH!

OBERSTARR: Impulse immediately ducks in with an ankle trip and goes for the headlock, but look at this! Scheinberg reverses and is right back up! He drops the elbow immediately…and another! AND ANOTHER! OOHHH! KICK TO IMPULSE’S FACE, and now the crowd’s booing!

(Scheinberg turns to the turnbuckle camera)

SCHEINBERG: ENG-GLAAAANNNNND!!!!!

MYLDE: Oyster Bay- I win.

OBERSTARR: Scheinberg fast off the ropes now…baseball slides undernearth Impulse, has him in a waist lock. He’s lifting him but just CAN’T get the German suplex! Impulse spreads his stance, dropping his center of gravity to prevent the throw, now he’s got the kimura lock from in front.

MYLDE: Come on Eli, drop him on his neck!

OBERSTARR: IMPULSE THROWS HIM OVER WITH THE HARAI-GOSHI! EXCELLENT JUDO DISPLAYED BY THE MARATHON MAN! He’s still got the arm locked up, but look at this! Eli’s rolling over and has Impulse’s back for the choke! Impulse struggling…turning, turning…he’s out of the choke and in the guard, which he quickly passes. He steps away…Eli up…IMPULSE DIVES IN FOR THE SPEAR! OOOOH! ELI MOVES AND IMPULSE HITS SHOULDER TO POST! ELI WITH THE BACK CRADLE! ONE! TWOOO! THRRR-NO! ALMOST! Very, very close right three…Eli looking impressive thus far!

MYLDE: Things are getting interesting, Oberstarr. Real interesting.

OBERSTARR: These two are putting on a technical clinic, but it’s Scheinberg’s gritty tactics that are giving him the one-up! Scheinberg throws a knee to the head of Impulse. He throws another- caught! Impulse has his leg! KNEE BAR!

MYLDE: Oh bullcrap, he’s humping his leg! It’s Next Level Leg-Humping in there; break that hold, ref!

OBERSTARR: The hold is clean, and it’s in TIGHT, Jimmy. Scheinberg’s so CLOSE to the ropes, but he may not get there! Reaching…reachiiiiing…no! His fingers swipe but he can’t get there! Impulse cranking on that leg- it’s looking real bad!

(Scheinberg scoots closer to the ropes, putting himself in more anguish but allowing him to finally grab it. He does, and immediately yells)

SCHEINBERG: ARRGHH! GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM BLOODY OFF ME!

OBERSTARR: Impulse releases the hold and throws a low dropkick at Eli! He’s got him up by the head- Irish whip! SPINWHEEL KICK! Eli immediately gets up, but he’s stumbling! Oh look at that Jimmy, Eli Scheinberg just flashed an obnoxious smile, right in Impulse’s face!

(Scheinberg puts his face forward, grinning, daring Impulse to hit him. Impulse obliges, except he dropkicks his knee out instead)

OBERSTARR: More antics from Eli, but now he’s down again. OHHH MY! IMPULSE WHIPS AROUND ELI’S SHOULDERS AND GRABS…GRABS BOTH ARMS! HE’S GOT A DOUBLE ARMBAR!

MYLDE: Wow, can’t say I’ve seen that one.

OBERSTARR: This is an OBSCURE submission hold, Jimmy, but boy it doesn’t take much to break the arms here! Scheinberg is DONE! Look how tight that’s locked in!

MYLDE: He’s not submitting…wow….WOW!

(CROWD: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!)

OBERSTARR: MY GOD! HE’S GONNA BREAK HIS ARMS! WE JUST HEARD A POP! ELI’S GOT ONE ARM OUT, BUT THE OTHER IS STILL TRAPPED! THEY’RE AT A WEIRD ANGLE HERE, AND IMPULSE IS REELING BACK ON THAT ARM! IT’S GONNA BREAK! HOLY SH*T IT’S GONNA BREAK!

(CROWD: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!)

OBERSTARR: NO! NO! ELI’S OUT! HE PULLED HIS ARM OUT!

MYLDE: That was nuts, I’ve never seen anything like that before. How his arm didn’t break is beyond me.

OBERSTARR: The crowd’s cheering his resiliency, but he just spit phlegm in the eyes of Impulse, which garners him boos! Impulse takes him by the waist and pushes him into the turnbuckles. Still got him…belly to belly! Bridge and the pin! ONE…TWOOOO…NO! Scheinberg kicks his way out! Impulse with the snap mare and headlock, but Eli rakes his eyes! The ref issues a warning, but Eli’s right at him…knee to the stomach, AND LOOK AT THAT! FRONT HURRICANRANA! Don’t see that often, do you?

MYLDE: Gimme a sec, Oberstarr. I’m leafing through the heel announcer’s almanac, looking for a way to relate this to my wife in a funny way.

OBERSTARR: Please don’t. These men stand at the same height with only eight pounds separating the two, Eli being the lighter. DDT, ELI! Hooks the leg! ONE, TWO, BUT IMPULSE IS OUT!

MYLDE: He spiked him like Wilford Brimley’s insulin level!

OBERSTARR: Almanac?

MYLDE: No, that was mine.

OBERSTARR: Irish whip into the corner, Impulse reverses! Eli comes stumbling out- SUDDEN IMPACT! NO! ELI CATCHES THE FOOT, AND DRIIIIIVES IMPULSE TO THE OPPOSITE CORNER!

MYLDE: You see that? He defended his best shot and put him down like a dog, Oberstarr! That could be the turning point!

OBERSTARR: Scheinberg with a series of kicks, punches…a bunch of Hebrew words…couldn’t tell you what the hell they mean, but it didn’t sound good! He goes for Irish whip again- SLAMS Impulse into the turnbuckles! Here he comes, running in! No! Impulse leaps over him! BACKWARDS DROPKICK- I’LL CALL IT A MULE DROPKICK! TRADEMARK IT, JIMMY! IMPULSE THROWS HIMSELF BACK INTO ELI WITH AN ELBOW, ATTEMPTS THE ONE-ARM SHOULDER THROW! NO! ELI’S LEGS ARE WRAPPED AROUND THE BOTTOM TURNBUCKLE! LOOK AT THIS, HE’S GOT A SLEEPER HOLD NO!

MYLDE: Crafty! He won’t beat him with this, but good thinking!

OBERSTARR: Impulse lunges back into the turnbuckles, but Scheinberg won’t release the hold! Impulse turns around…lifts up his feet and pushes off the corner…AND THEY FALL DOWN! THE PIN! ONE! TWOOOOOOO! THREEEEEE!!!!!

(SFX: Bell rings)

MYLDE: Who the hell got the pin?

OBERSTARR: I have NO CLUE! WHO WON?! Here’s Siren with the announcement!

SIREN: HERE IS YOURRRRRR WINNER! AND ADVANCING TO THE GOLDEN BOY GRAND PRIX Hmmm-FINALLLLLLZZZZZZZZZ-AH!

“LEFT! LEFT! LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT!”

(CROWD POPS!)

SIREN: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMM-PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(CUEUP: “Revolution Baby” by Queen V)

OBERSTARR: WHAT A MATCH! Eli Scheinberg gave Impulse hell, his biggest challenge thus far in NLW, but suffers his first loss and will watch Impulse go to the finals! Here’s Rose in the ring to congratulate her man on the victory…

MYLDE: He’s clenching that arm, Scheinberg is. I wonder if it’s fractured? Sure as hell looked like it.

OBERSTARR: That’s a good question, and certainly the man’s pain threshold is on a whole other level. This crowd isn’t quite sold on Scheinberg, but the man was trapped in a hell of a hold, and somehow got out! You HAVE TO respect that!

MYLDE: I don’t have to do anything, Oberstarr. But yes, I respect that. Good job kid, but ya still lost. NOW HIT THE BRICKS!

OBERSTARR: Boy you turn on ‘em fast, eh Jimmy?

MYLDE: Greenie told me to bet the dog on this one. Thanks a lot, asshole.

OBERSTARR: It’s gonna be Impulse in the finals against either McFark or Patton. WHO WILL IT BE? Find out next!

(CUTTO: STATIC)

 

[LQJT86C]

vii. Semis/Not Quit Hard Yet

(CUTTO: The entrance way as JEEBUS H. MCFARK is making his way to the ring. “Firing Squad” by Epicure playing over the PA. McFark looks like a jug of milk poured into a series of Scottish flag themed elbow pads, knee pads, ring boots, and a kilt colored navy, yellow, white, and green. The crowd jeers him as he makes his way to the ring.)

SIREN: THIS…IS A SEMI-FINAL MATCH….INNNNNNN…THE…GOLDEN BOY…TOUR-NA-MENT!! INTRODUCING FIRST…FROM ABERDEEEEEEN…SCOTLAND!!! WEIGHING SIXTEEN POINT THREEEE STONE!!!! JEEBUS!!!! HHHH!!! MC!!! FARK!!!!

OBERSTARR: McFark makes his way into the ring, and you have to like his odds here, I mean Eddie Patton might not even compete after the brutal attack he suffered at the hands of Bobby Jack Windham.

MYLDE: Might not? Hell he’ll be lucky if he can eat solid foods in the next month. That was a horrible shot with the bell that he took!

(CUEUP: “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC. It plays for a bit.)

OBERSTARR: Well no Eddie Patton yet…

MYLDE: Of course not, he’s most likely in ER, and will be for several hours, followed by months of painful rehab!
(Suddenly Eddie Patton bursts through the curtain, wearing the same gear as before in his match with Bobby Jack Windham, only now he has a large amount of tape wrapped around his head, pulling his jaw tight to his face.)

SIREN: ANNNNNDD HIS OPPONENT!! FROM GARY!!! INDIANA!!! WEIGHING TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE POUNDS!! “EEEELECTRIC!!!” EDDDIEE!!! PATTTT!!!!TOOOONNN!!!!!

OBERSTARR: Patton is in this thing! He’s going to compete!

MYLDE: Really? Man, this really is far more guts than brains…

(Bell rings, the two men circle each other.)

OBERSTARR: McFark throws a right hand that Patton blocks. Eddie rifles off a series of right hands, staggering McFark…DROPKICK BY PATTON! McFark crashing to the mat and quickly rolls to the floor! Patton in control early!

MYLDE: Yeah but he didn’t go for any crazy flying attack to the floor, he might be fighting well, but he can’t bring that reckless style of attack that he normally brings in the ring. That jaw is a huge liability!

OBERSTARR: Well you are right that Patton didn’t go for a big move there, but he did land the opening flurry of this match, as Jeebus re-enters the ring and gets ready to make another go of it. They lock up McFark with a European Uppercut catches Patton right on that injured jaw! Patton drops to his knees and gets KICKED RIGHT IN THE JAW!

MYLDE: Normally I don’t have much compassion for the stupid, but this Patton kid is supposed to be one of the leading lights of this dump, I’d kind of like his career to not end here, mostly so I can get 2-3 months more paychecks before this place closes down, so maybe this ref should do the right thing and call this off.

OBERSTARR: As little as I like to agree with you, this might be a time when you’re right Jimmy. McFark now stalking Patton and locks on a rear chinlock! Normally this would be just a hold to wear somebody down, but with the condition of Patton’s jaw, this has to be just RIPPING agony…Patton thrashing around on the mat like he’s being hit with a tazer! Patton rushes to his feet…ELEVATES MCFARK…BACK SUPLEX!! BOTH MEN DOWN!!

MYLDE: Pain is a great motivator, but how much adrenaline and will does Patton have left in the tank? I know this match is only a few minutes old, but you already see what’s happened to him just from a few simple moves.

OBERSTARR: And whoever wins this match is going to get stuck fighting Impulse in the finals, which is no easy draw by any stretch of the imagination. Patton gets to his feet first and he catches McFark as he was getting up with an arm-drag and locks on an arm bar. Patton shifting his weight to keep McFark on the mat as he grinds in that arm bar.

MYLDE: Patton’s going to have to wrestle like his life depends on it he knows he can’t get into a fight with McFark, not when every strike to his jaw might be the one that gets the ref to call it off.

OBERSTARR: Patton working that arm, trying to keep McFark on his back...McFark working to his feet…Patton with an elbow into the arm, and another. McFark with a wild right hand….Patton ducks and hooks McFark up…ATOMIC DROP! McFark stumbling with his injured backside and Patton quickly hiptosses him back to the mat and clamps that arm bar again.

MYLDE: Jeebus needs to get off his butt and start beating the tar out of this guy, I might be paid to cover this stuff, but I don’t have to enjoy this wrestling crap, get to beating on each other.

OBERSTARR: McFark trying to get to his feet…Patton shifts to a hammer lock from the front, and now SLAMS MCFARK ONTO HIS ARM! Patton with a quick cover (One!) no leg hooked (Two!) and no! Patton quickly gets that arm hooked again and re-secures the arm bar.

MYLDE: This kid’s nickname is ‘electric’ yet he’s as exciting as watching paint dry…Seriously, do some backflips or something!

OBERSTARR: The man is fighting with a broken jaw for crying out loud Jimmy.

MYLDE: I don’t care if he had two broken arms if he’s dull he’s dull!

OBERSTARR: Patton switches into a half nelson and now scissors the free arm of McFark and pulls him over into a pinning combination (One!) can he hold (Two!) him?! NO! McFark gets free and quickly escapes to the outside to regroup!

(Crowd gives a round of applause for Patton’s chain wrestling.)

MYLDE: Come on McFark, get your head in the game and stomp this guy into dust, he’s got a broken jaw for crying out loud!

OBERSTARR: McFark back into the ring and rushes Patton back into the corner…Dennis Coates calling for the break…BIG RIGHT HAND TO THE JAW! MCFARK NOW WITH A SERIES OF KNEES TO THE CHIN OF PATTON! Coates trying to pull McFark off Patton, who’s slumped in the corner! McFark should be disqualified for that!

MYLDE: Since when has anyone ever been DQ’ed for a refusal to give a clean break?! Are you kidding me?

OBERSTARR: Well how many guys have been wrestling with a broken jaw? That was a cheap shot sneak attack plain and simple!

MYLDE: Wrestling isn’t exactly a sport where the rules get followed all the time, quit your belly aching and just accept that people do what they need to do to win!

OBERSTARR: Patton dragged to his feet and whipped to the other corner…HUGE CLOTHESLINE BY MCFARK! That was right on the chin! He throws Patton to the ground and covers him! (One!) Leg is hooked (Two!) Can he get him?! NO! Patton still in there fighting for all he’s worth!

MYLDE: Well than he ain’t worth much since he’ll be beat in the next few minutes!

OBERSTARR: McFark with a series of stomps to the back of Patton…Patton flipped over to his back, McFark measures him…DROPS AN ELBOW ON HIS JAW! Oh McFark used his bad arm! McFark thrashing around, on the mat in pain.

MYLDE: Of course I end up rooting for the idiot who would use his bum arm to drop an elbow…I can never back a winning horse…

OBERSTARR: McFark first to his feet as Patton now up…McFark with a right hand, blocked! Right by Patton and another, a third staggers McFark…Patton off the ropes…CROSS BODY!! (One!) LEG IS HOOKED! (Two!) CAN HE HOLD HIM!? NO! Patton to his feet first this time and he catches McFark with a kick to the gut…McFark doubles over and Patton off the ropes…SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Patton into the cover! (One!) Will it be (Two!) enough!? NO!

MYLDE: Come on Jeebus, get your act together and turn this match around!

OBERSTARR: Patton gets McFark up and slams him…Patton off the ropes, drops a leg! Off the ropes again…ANOTHER LEG DROP…Off the ropes once more…ANOTHER one! Patton now going to the outside…He’s up top…FROG SPLASH!! (Pop!) Patton with (One!) The leg hooked! (Two!) Patton to the finals?! NO!! (Groans!) McFark refusing to go away!

MYLDE: You saw that movie where they beat the hell out of him, and he didn’t quit! Hell they nailed him to the cross and he STILL came back from it!

OBERSTARR: I don’t think that was this guy Jimmy.

MYLDE: Oh really? Whose word do you think I’m going to take, Mel Gibson’s or yours?!

OBERSTARR: Patton now dragging McFark back to his feet, he’s trying to get McFark set up for the Circuit Breaker…McFark flips through…Patton turns…INTO A CRUSHING ELBOW STRIKE TO THE JAW! Patton drops like he’s been shot as McFark staggers to the ropes, trying to get his head clear from the beating he’s taken…Patton slowly gets up…MCFARK BLASTS HIM WITH A RUNNING DOUBLE AXE HANDLE! Patton flattened! McFark covers! (One!) Will McFark face (Two!) Impulse in the final?! NOT YET!! Patton somehow staying in this match with a busted jaw and all!

MYLDE: Spare me all this hero crap with Patton, he’s a wrestler like everyone else, and more to the point, he’s about to be a loser, come on Jeebus, finish this off!

OBERSTARR: McFark giving Coates a nasty look as he pulls Patton to his feet and now locks his arms...SERIES OF HEADBUTTS BY MCFARK!! He was aiming for the jaw of Patton too! Patton crashes to the ground…And oh, what in, the…He just stuck Patton’s head under his kilt!

MYLDE: Hey, what’s the good of winning if you can’t insult the bastard you’re beating while you do it?

OBERSTARR: McFark now grabs Patton and throws him into the ropes…HIGH KNEE RIGHT TO THE CHIN!! McFark with a cover (One!) Patton looks out of (Two!) it…Does he have him?! NO! McFark is stunned as Patton kicks out again! McFark really letting Coates know he wasn’t a fan of the speed of that count…PATTON WITH A ROLL-UP! (One!) Can he hold (Two!) him?! PATTON HAS IT! NO!!

MYLDE: Come on Scottie! Now is not the time to get sloppy and let Patton fluke you!

OBERSTARR: McFark up and he yanks Patton to his feet…McFark sends Patton to the ropes…PUMP KICK DECKS PATTON!! MCFARK WITH (One!) THE COVER! (Two!) IS THIS IT?! NO!

MYLDE: Oh come on! This ref needs to have his license reviewed, or revoked, or something!

OBERSTARR: McFark is livid, he pulls Patton to his feet again..Patton grabs the bad arm of McFark and kicks him in the elbow..McFark staggers, clutching his arm, Patton slips behind him…BACKSLIDE BY PATTON! (One!) MCFARK FLAILING (Two!) TRYING TO ESCAPE! OH THAT WAS CLOSE!!!

MYLDE: That count was like LIGHTNING compared to the one McFark got! This whole match is a shame!

OBERSTARR: Both men back up…Patton sends McFark into the ropes, no…Reversal by McFark…Patton catches McFark setting early on a back slide…SINGLE ARM DDT! McFark scrambles to his feet…PATTON FROM BEHIND WITH A CRUCIFIX! (One!) PATTON FIGHTING TO KEEP (Two!) MCFARK DOWN! (Three!) HE DID IT!! PATTON WINS IT!!!

(Bell rings, “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC plays as the crowd pops big!)

MYLDE: That’s not fair! How can you be allowed to pin a man named Jeebus with a crucifix?! It’s like using kryptonite to beat Superman, it’s cheating!

SIREN: HERE IS YOUR WIIIIIIINNNNERRRR!!!! “EEEEEE-LETCCCC-TRIIIICCCCKKKKK!!!” EDDIE!!! PATTTTT!!! OOOOONNNN!!!!!

OBERSTARR: Patton is in the finals, but what will he have left for his match with Impulse?

MYLDE: Most likely nothing, he’s been beat up by the Scotsman and nearly crippled by Windham…Man I need to find Greenie and get all my money on Impulse to get back all the cash I lost on BJW…Wait, am I really going to support Impulse...To hell with it, I hope they both lose…Wait, that means that giant moron Magnus gets the belt?! Oh this whole tournament sucks!

OBERSTARR: While my partner laments the finalists and the winner of the King Of All Monsters Tournament…We’ll be right back fans!

(FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

viii. The Following Messages Are Brought to You By...

(CUEUP: Elevator music)

(FADEIN: Camera rotates leftward through what appears to be a home shopping network studio. Finally, it stops at the demonstration area, where we see a man wearing a gray mask with black moth imprint on the front. It’s none other than ARCANGEL IV. In the back ground, CARLOS CANYETA sits on a stool, arms folded, wearing big black sunglasses)

ARCANGEL IV: Wassup wassup! Don’t tell me you b*tch-made gringos was expecting Vince from Shamwow? Nah homie, it’s your AYCCCCE Arcangel comin’ atchoo with some more underground sh*t. YO RA- how you like me now? We buyin’ up your commercial air time to spread tha f*ckin’ TRUTH. And the TRUTH IS…every week that goes by you don’t sign Carlos Canyeta to a contract, is another week N-L-W looks weak and watered down.

Don’t believe tha hype, essay. They wanna act like we BRAND X compared to their guys, but they just sellin’ you an inferior product. None of them putos they got, not MAGNUS, not WINDHAM, not PATTON, not IMPULSE…ain’t none of them on this man’s level. (points thumb at Canyeta) Who you gonna crown champion? Can’t call him legit if he ain’t fought DA BEST. (another thumb at Canyeta) Whose it gonna be? Impulse and his little girl, Rainbow Party Rose?

Nah, f*ck ALL THAT sh*t. Without Canyeta in that tournament, the winner’s just a paper champion. You wanna bring that corporate white oppression to tha wrestling ring, we’ll bring tha REVOLUCION to tha airwaves, and even right outside tha building.

‘Cause I challenge…I DARE any of you faggots to meet Carlos in the streets outside that clan rally you call a BALL-ROOM. Then we’ll see who tha REEEEEAL VATO is homie. You think we’re joking? Every week when you runnin’ shows, we’ll be waiting outside till somebody shows up and gives us a REASON to give a SH*T about N-L-W. Ya’ll ain’t hardcore wrestling in front of filthy gringo mariconcitas. You wanna be hard? You wanna be tough? Come to da streets, essay, we’ll light it up for you.

(Camera focuses in on CANYETA)

CANYETA: Sixteen men spent the last two weeks wasting everyone’s time. None of you have the nerve to go to RA and tell him to meet my demands. None of you want me in this company, cause not a single one of you has any honor, or guts when it comes to the issue of Carlos Canyeta…Oh you all talk big, you all act like you’re going to win that title and defend it against all challengers, all opponents, yet here I am, week in and week out, trying to get RA to do right by me, do right by the man who would be the biggest star NLW would ever get…And you all sit in silence, you let him lowball me, let him insult me. Don’t worry boys, one of you will win that toy belt in the end, but until you fight me, nobody outside this dump will think of any of you as a real champion.

ARCANGEL IV: Don’t forget…EVERY…WEEK.

(FADEOUT)

 

[LQJT86C]

ix. FINALS

(FADEIN: Outside the ring where the large Golden Boy trophy stands, waiting to be handed to the winner. CUTTO: The ring where SIREN stands waiting to announce the finals of the Golden Boy tournament, after a beat “Revolution Baby” by Queen V hits on the PA. Impulse, and Rosie, making their third appearances of the night step through the curtain and head to the ring. A loud “Impulse!” chant breaks out in the crowd as Impulse makes his way to the ring.)

SIREN: THIS…IS THE FINNNNNNAAALLLLSSSS…OF THE GOLDEN BOY…GRAND PRIX!!! INNNNNTRODUCTING FIRST…FROM NEW YORK CITY!!! (Pop!) WEIGHTING IN AT ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY EIGHT POUNDS!!!! IMMMMMMPULSE!!!!

OBERSTARR: You had a feeling that somehow, some way that Impulse would make it to the finals of this tournament, and he’s done it, but his opponent has truly overcome the odds to make it here, Eddie Patton with a big upset win over Windham, and then refusing to quit this tournament even after being brutally attacked and most likely suffering a broken jaw, he got the victory over a very game Jeebus McFark.

MYLDE: Look I get it Oberstarr, sell Patton, try to give me some false hope…I hate Impulse with every fiber of my being and I’ll root with every fiber of my being for Little Jimmy Olsen to win this thing, but I never get my way on these things.
(Impulse’s music fades out, CUEUP: “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC. The crowd gives a solid pop as Eddie Patton, head now even more covered with tape, makes his way towards the ring.)

SIREN: AND…HIS!!! OPPONENT!! FROM GARY!! INDIANA!!! WEIGHING TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE POUNDS!! “EEEELECTRIC!!!” EDDDIEEEE!!! PATTTT!!!!TOOOONNNNNN!!!!

(Patton hits the ring, the crowd breaks into an “Impulse” chant but there is a counter “Eddie!” chant that can be heard as the crowd whips itself further into a frenzy. Head Ref David Nolan gives the signal for the bell to ring, and the match is underway!)

OBERSTARR: Impulse and Patton, winner to fight for the NLW Open-Weight World Championship. The two men circle, and lock up…Impulse with a go behind, Patton with a drop toe hold and he gets Impulse’s back…Impulse rushes to his feet as Patton can’t keep him down, but Patton gets a side headlock…impulse gets a waistlock…BACK SUPLEX! Patton HOLDS ON to the headlock, Impulse holds onto the waistlock, and gets Patton back to his feet…ANOTHER BACK SUPLEX and that breaks the headlock!!

MYLDE: I do admire Patton’s desire to keep that hold on, but really all he did was let Impulse throw him around some more, get your head on straight Eddie.

OBERSTARR: Impulse now gets Patton into a bow and arrow…The knee of Impulse buried into the back of Patton…Patton’s arms being pulled back…Patton bridges to his feet and turns into Impulse…He gets a waistlock…PATTON WITH A BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! HE COVERS! (One!) first pin of the (Two!) match, only two!

MYLDE: Patton will have to try to end this quick, you know sooner or later Impulse is going to give into the temptation of just kicking that jaw of Patton’s right off his head...Don’t give him the chance Eddie!

OBERSTARR: Patton gets a headlock while on the mat with Impulse…Impulse fighting and he catches Patton in a head scissors…Patton now thrashing around, trying to find a way out…Patton now does a handstand and flips over landing on top of Impulse for a pin…NO! Impulse bridges out before Nolan can even get a count…Impulse now spins Patton into position for a backslide…Patton kicks off the turnbuckle and flips in front of Impulse! (Crowd claps at the chain wrestling)

MYLDE: Oh lord, these two are gonna just try to impress all the smarks by being all countering and fluid and working hard…Somebody get a steel chair in that ring STAT! I want blood and carnage!

OBERSTARR: You know Impulse isn’t going to use a chair Jimmy.

MYLDE: Why not?! He could break his supposed code tonight this could be the moment, the shocking Impulse heel turn!

OBERSTARR: You have lost your mind.

MYLDE: Hey, let me have my dream.

OBERSTARR: The two men now circle, Impulse with a leg kick, and another one…This time Patton catches the leg…Impulse with an enziguri…Patton ducks! Patton has Impulse by the ankle and Impulse pushes off Patton, sending him into the corner. Impulse kips up, and once again these two men have wrestled each other to a stalemate! (More clapping from the fans, dueling chants of “Impulse!” and “Eddie!”)

MYLDE: If this crap keeps up for another 5 minutes I demand a chainsaw be brought into the ring.

OBERSTARR: Impulse may be known as one of the world’s best wrestlers but Patton has hung with him to this point. Patton and Impulse lock up again…Patton catches Impulse with an uppercut, and now shoots, gets a double leg, elevates Impulse and SLAMS him to the mat! Patton firing away with rights into the ribs of Impulse from inside Impulse’s guard.

MYLDE: Guard? He doesn’t have a guard, he’s in there by himself!

OBERSTARR: Just stay quiet and cash your checks Jimmy…Patton not able to get past Impulse’s guard as he continues to fire away with punches…Impulse explodes out and takes Patton’s back! Impulse with Patton’s back with both hooks in! Impulse battering Patton’s head with forearms to the sides of his head and his temples…Impulse trying to find an opening to sink in a choke here and finish this!

MYLDE: I have no idea what the hell you are talking about, hooks, guards? It’s like one minute you were calling a wrestling match and the next moment you started speaking Klingon.

OBERSTARR: Patton fighting to avoid getting choked out here. He manages to spin back into Impulse and he ends up back on top of Impulse and in his guard! Impulse throws up a triangle…AND HE’S GOT IT LOCKED IN!! Patton thrashing, he gets to his feet…HE’S GOT IMPULSE UP…POWER BOMB!!! IMPULSE HOLDS ONTO THE TRIANGLE!! PATTON FADING...Patton twisting his body…He lunges with his legs…And JUST makes the rope with his foot to get a break! Impulse was only a couple seconds away from putting Patton to sleep with that choke!

MYLDE: Well he’s been putting me to sleep this whole friggin’ match, what’s the difference if he bores his opponent to death along with me?

OBERSTARR: Impulse gets Patton back to his feet quickly and sends him into the ropes…Impulse with a HARD back elbow drops Patton, Impulse gets some BIG air and DRIVES a knee into the chest of Patton, Impulse with a cover! (One!)Both legs hooked! (Two) Impulse wins?! NO! Patton still game even after nearly being choked in that triangle…Impulse now with a knee to the ribs and another, trying to sap the wind of his opponent.

MYLDE: You beat down a man’s body, he’ll shut down, and it is a great way to win a fight. I hate that this guy knows all this stuff.

OBERSTARR: Impulse gets Patton back to his feet…Impulse sinks in an abdominal stretch! And while he’s got that side of Patton’s open he’s firing away with elbows into Patton’s exposed side!

MYLDE: Oh he acts like a goodie two-shoes, but Impulse has a mean streak, he’ll stretch the hell out of you in that ring. He’s not above dealing out a beating.

OBERSTARR: Patton, working for the hip toss, trying to shift his weight…Impulse fighting to keep the hold on…Patton gets the hip toss…IMPULSE LANDS ON HIS FEET! Thrust kick to the gut of Patton! Impulse shoves Patton into the corner…Impulse with a running charge…SPEARS PATTON IN THE CORNER! Patton crumples to the mat! Impulse with the cover! (One!) will he face Magnus (Two!) for the title?! PATTON KICKS OUT! (Cheers!)

MYLDE: Oh don’t tease me Eddie, if you’re going to keep fighting and dragging this out, you better beat him. I don’t want to spend all this time just to see Impulse finally get the win.

OBERSTARR: Impulse wasting no time getting Patton back up…Elevates him…GUTBUSTER!! Patton in agony on the mat and now Impulse going to the outside…Impulse up top…FROG SPLASH…PATTON MOVED!! IMPULSE CRASHES AND BURNS!!

MYLDE: There is the break we needed! Wait, did I just ‘we’ me and Patton? Man I must hate Impulse more than I thought I did…

OBERSTARR: Patton and Impulse to their feet…Patton hooks Impulse…Northern Lights suplex! Patton with a (One!) bridge! Can he (Two!) hold it?! No! Patton driving a series of forearms into the head and back of Impulse and now gets him back up….SIDEWALK SLAM BY PATTON! Another cover! (One!) Far leg hooked (Two!) TWO AND…NO!

MYLDE: Honestly this is one of the things Impulse always gets lucky on, even the most technical of opponents seem to just think that beating the crap out of him is going to win the day, we saw Patton spend all match working the arm against McFark, but he gets in there with Impulse and your brain just shuts off, thinking you’re fighting a little guy, so you just try to ragdoll him, and it never works…

OBERSTARR: Patton picks up Impulse and whips him…CHEST FIRST INTO THE CORNER! Impulse crashes to the mat…Patton off the ropes…DROPS A LEG!! Another cover by Patton! (One!) trying to advance (Two!) to face Mangus…NO! (Clapping!) Patton locking in a reverse chinlock on Impulse, cranking on the neck, trying to grind away on the marathon man.

MYLDE: Well he better figure out something soon, he looks like he’s getting redder than a tomato in there, hard to breathe out of a broken jaw, and even harder after the beating Impulse put on his ribs.

OBERSTARR: Impulse on the mat…He’s riding this chinlock out…And now he makes his move to his feet…Impulse hooks Patton…BACK SUPLEX! NO! PATTON SHIFTED HIS WEIGHT AND LANDED ON IMPULSE!! (One!) PATTON WITH THE LEG (Two!) HOOKED!! CAN HE DO IT?! NO!!! (Crowd buzzing!) OH that was CLOSE!

MYLDE: Dammit, I thought he outsmarted him and got the pin! C’mon Patton!

OBERSTARR: Patton looking at the ref in shock…Nolan telling him it was only two…Patton shakes his head and now he grabs Impulse, and plants him on the top rope…Patton going high risk here…Patton now to the second rope…Impulse fires away with a series of forearms to the side to the side of the head…One to the jaw knocks Patton of the ropes…Patton staggering, clutching at his jaw as Impulse now gets up on the top rope! PATTON LUNCHES AND HITS THE ROPE…CROTCHING IMPULSE!

MYLDE: Shots to the broken jaw, crotching your opponent, now it’s getting dirty, I love it!

OBERSTARR: Patton rushes up the ropes and hooks Impulse…SUPERPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE!! THEY BOTH CRASH TO THE MAT WITH HUGE IMPACT! PATTON GETS AN ARM ACROSS IMPULSE’S (One!) CHEST! IMPULSE NOT MOVING!! (Two!) PATTON WINS IT?! NO!!!

(Cheering, “Impulse!” chant)

MYLDE: Oh come on!

OBERSTARR: Impulse WILL NOT QUIT! We’ve seen him fight tooth and nail with the best in the world and tonight Eddie Patton’s finding out firsthand how hard it is to keep this man down…Patton slowly getting to his feet, that Superplex took a lot of him as well…He pulls Impulse up…Impulse sent to the ropes…Clothesline is ducked by Impulse…Impulse back of the ropes….DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Patton on the mat thrashing as he got caught on the jaw by that clothesline!

MYLDE: Ah dammit…Now it’s all gonna fall apart, I can feel it already…Get the giant monster in chain mail Vs the little wrassler that could…I’m gonna be sick…Oh well, I was never a big fan of Patton anyhow.

OBERSTARR: Both men using the ropes to pull themselves to their feet…Impulse with a kick to the gut and he locks up Patton…Fisherman’s Suplex! (One!) Impulse with a bridge! (Two!) Does he have it?! No! Patton just fights out!

MYLDE: Oh to hell with it, I might as well back a winner, put him away Impulse!

OBERSTARR: Impulse back to his feet and he pulls Patton up…PATTON SENT FLYING IN AN EXPLODER SUPLEX! Impulse covers! (One!) Both legs hooked (Two!) IS THIS IT?! NO!! Patton still battling, trying to make his way to face Magnus for the World Open-Weight Championship.

MYLDE: Just a matter of time before Impulse finishes him, don’t you sweat it…

OBERSTARR: Rosie cheering her man on as Impulse is back to his feet again and grabs Patton, he gets Patton in a full nelson! Patton fighting the hold…IMPULSE LAUNCHES HIM WITH A DRAGON SUPLEX! IMPULSE WITH A BRIDGE!! (One!)…(Two!) TWO AND…OH THAT WAS CLOSE!!

MYLDE: Oh it’s just like a spider with a fly Impulse will finish him when he sees fit to do so...

OBERSTARR: Impulse now backing Patton into the corner…A couple knife-edge chops to the chest of Electric Eddie…Patton sent to the other corner….Impulse charges in…AVALANCHE SPLASH! NO! PATTON OUT OF THE WAY…IMPULSE CRACKED HIS HEAD ON THE RING POST!! IMPULSE IS OUT!! (Crowd with a “Ohhhh!” as Impulse hits the post.) Patton staggering, I don’t know if he knows how badly hurt Impulse is!

MYLDE: YES! I knew I could trick the universe if I started backing Impulse! Get him Eddie! Win this thing for old Jimmy!
OBERSTARR: Patton see Impulse is out…HE COVERS!! (One!) BOTH LEGS HOOKED!! (Two!) WE HAVE A WINNER…NO WE DON’T!!!!! (Crowd buzzing!))

MYLDE: Oh come on! This isn’t fair, I did all I could to help the man…Impulse was dead dammit!

OBERSTARR: Patton looking at ref David Nolan and wondering exactly how that wasn’t a three count…Patton now pulling Impulse to his feet…Impulse is nearly dead weight at this point…Patton hooks him up…He’s gonna try to end it right he…IMPULSE UP FOR THE CIRCUIT BREAKER…WAIT! HE SLIPS OUT…PATTON TURNS AROUND…INTO A SUDDEN IMPACT!!! PATTON JUST GOT DESTROYED!!!

MYLDE: Yup…Who didn’t see that coming…Bah…Oh well, it’s Impulse’s world…We’re all just paying rent I guess…

OBERSTARR: Impulse shaking the cobwebs out of his head trying to get his wits around himself…He sees Patton and throws an arm over his chest…(One!) Impulse Vs Magnus (Two!) For the belt! NO! OH ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! HOW DID PATTON KICK OUT OF THAT?!

MYLDE: Keep hope alive baby! We’re still fighting in this thing!

OBERSTARR: Impulse pulling himself up by the ropes…I don’t even know if he’s still got his mind right after hitting that ring post…Patton struggling to his feet as well…Impulse sees Patton back up…LAUNCHES HIMSELF AT PATTON…ANOTHER SUDDEN IMPACT ON THE BUTTON!! PATTON DROPS LIKE HE WAS SHOT!! IMPULSE THE COVER!!! (One!) IS THIS ENOUGH?! (Two!) IMPULSE WINS IT?! (Three!) YES HE DOES!!!

(SFX: Bell rings)

(CUEUP: “Revolution Baby” by Queen V as both Impulse and Patton remain down on the mat, spent from a night of wrestling.)

SIREN: HERE IS YOUR WINNER!!!! OF THE GOLDEN BOY GRAND PRIX!!!! IIIIIMMMMMM!!!!! PULLLLLLSSSSEEEE!!!!

OBERSTARR: What a match, what a night of wrestling, Impulse has overcome all challengers and he’s won the Golden Boy Grand Prix…And now he’s put himself in a match against Magnus Destructio for the right to be the first ever NLW World Open-Weight Champion…

MYLDE: Yeah yeah, celebrate your golden boy…I’ll never buy all the hype around this kid…

OBERSTARR: Rosie in the ring helping Impulse to his feet…Impulse stands (Crowd pops as Rosie and Nolan each raise an arm of Impulse, who looks completely spent as he stands up.) and this crowd lets him know that they support him…(“Impulse!” chant)…Impulse helping Patton to his feet now…And the two men shake hands (Clapping, cheers!) Eddie Patton gave it a hell of a run tonight, lord knows what might have happened had Windham not been such a sore loser after being upset in round 1.

MYLDE: Yeah and if my Aunt had balls she’d be my uncle, Patton was the last line of defense against Impulse and he lost… They all lost…Hell with all of them.

OBERSTARR: Patton now leaving the ring…I think RA will be out here in a moment for the trophy presentation…And it appears a few fans are getting a little to rowdy in the crowd…Can we get a camera over there?! WAIT!! THAT’S MAGNUS DESTUCTIO!!

MYLDE: Bit late to the party isn’t he?

(The camera shows Magnus, covered in chain mail and wearing a metal helmet, standing in the crowd, Terence standing next to him freaking out, as does the rest of the folks around him. A “Magnus!” chant breaks out, that leads to dueling “Magnus!” “Impulse” chants between the crowd…We see Impulse standing in the ring, staring down Magnus, who raises his arms and roars. The crowd continues to freak out, yelling and screaming for both men)

OBERSTARR: THEY WANT MAGNUS! NO, THEY WANT IMPULSE! THIS CROWD IS SPLIT, AND WE'RE OUT OF TIME!

(FADEOUT)

Copyright: 2010 ESEN/All rights reserved