It wasn't easy being his friend, let alone his business manager. His reputation in professional wrestling was both well-earned and highly accurate. Mentally unstable. Injury-prone. Hard to work with. A man who has been known to take his ball and go home at the drop of the proverbial hat. So when he called me and told me to meet him at gate 59, Terminal B of the LAX at 11 p.m. sharp, I'd be lying if I said I was completely thrilled.
But this was my job, and more importantly he was my friend. So I went. And I waited.
"Flight 339, Japan Airlines from Tokyo to Los Angeles, now arriving at gate 59."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat at the sound of the automated announcement. It had been well over a year since I had been here last, and it was not quite under the greatest of circumstances. I was frantically trying to talk him out of boarding a flight back to Tokyo, trying to keep him from breaching the terms of his very real contract with Jolt Wrestling. Ironically, the man who was walking around in storylines as the "greatest free agent in wrestling" walked out of Jolt, and was only saved from being sued for everything he had by Jolt itself. More specifically, the fact that Jolt wasn't long for this world.
But controversy was nothing new for this man. The man who demanded his release from the Fans Wrestling Organization after a rocky, if not disappointing career there, to give Jolt a gigantic shot in the arm from its debut. After Jolt didn't work out any better, he returned to Japan, where he continued wrestling and remained completely off the American radar for almost a year.
Until now. He was back. And the only thing I could wonder is, with both the fWo and Jolt still seemingly out of commission, what could be big enough to bring him back to the States?
I was about to get my answer.
"I hate this ****ing country."
Xias spat onto the carpeted floor of the Los Angeles International Airport, shaking his head in disbelief as he walked towards me. Others around him looked at him as if he was crazy, and they were probably right. Still, Xias always knew how to make insanity look good- dressed in a three-piece white suit he had probably spent close to a thousand dollars on, with his once trademark long black hair now cut much shorter and dyed blonde with red highlights, he looked quite more eccentric than the Xias of old. He finally noticed me standing there, looking down at my much smaller 5'8 stature from his six-feet, four inches of height.
"You couldn't dress up a little bit better for this occasion?" he spoke, referring to my rather modest dress of a plain blue t-shirt and jeans. It did look quite out of place standing next to the man in the white suit, I had to agree. "Maybe I should have called Jason Winters instead."
"And have him sputtering around in his electric wheelchair?"
"It makes me laugh."
"That's because you're an asshole."
Xias glared at me for a second, before laughing and putting his arm around my shoulder roughly. I winced in pain as he pulled me in towards him, forcing me to walk with him.
"This is why I kept you around all this time, Bryan." Xias said as he smirked down at me. "You know how to make me laugh."
"I thought you have the kid for that now?" I muttered as he practically pushed me onto a moving walkway.
"I do, but the kid didn't want to come." Xias responded, almost looking hurt. "I can't exactly blame him, I mean **** this country sucks. It has the worst wrestling fans in the world, and hell, the worst wrestling promotions in the world too. The only thing good about it are the girls. Japanese chicks are all flat-chested and they giggle more than me after four joints."
I watched Xias immediately follow that comment up by making eyes at a girl of Hispanic descent that couldn't be older than 19.
"I didn't know the kid let you bang girls still." I said, rolling my eyes.
"The kid doesn't 'let me' do anything." Xias responded, while still keeping his eyes on the girl in the low-cut blouse. "If I want to bang a girl, I bang a girl. What's he going to do, throw ME out?! Hah!"
"Well, I figured you were finally running low on money by now. After all, why else would you come back here?"
Xias pushed me off the moving walkway and followed me off, before turning back around and watching the girl walk off into the distance.
"Damnit, if I didn't have you cramping my style, you badly-dressed midget, I'd go over there and get her number." Xias said.
"Right." I muttered. "You're so gay."
"Not on this side of the world I'm not. Like I said, only good thing about this ****ty country is the women."
But even I knew when to shut up, and Xias' glare told me it was time to stop talking.
"Anyway, you still haven't clued me in on why you're here, or why I'm here for that matter." I said, quickly trying to change the subject.
"Well, that second one's easy." Xias replied. "You're here to drive me around."
Xias smirked down at me when he saw that wasn't the answer I was looking for.
"Alright, alright, I know the suspense must be killing you here." Xias laughed. "What, after all this time, could be enough to bring the Undeniable One back to America? The former fWo United States and Internet Champion, the former IOW World Heayvweight Champion, the most controversial wrestler in history, the greatest Native American athlete in history, the...."
"Do you always cut wrestling promos when cameras aren't around?" I said dryly.
"Shut up, I'm on a roll here."
Suddenly, a loud female screech could be heard, and two teenage girls came running in our general direction.
"Girls! What can I do for you!" Xias said, beaming as the two teenagers- one of them wearing a ******* IOW Nova shirt of all things- came rushing over to us.
"See! See! I told you so!" one of them, the blonde, said to the redheaded one. "I told you that if we follow the little guy with the bad hair, we'd find Xias!"
"Yeah, I guess you were right." the redhead agreed. "Xias, will you marry me?"
"Sorry, but you're a little young for my tastes dear." Xias replied.
"Aww, okay." she said, sounding more than a little disappointed. "Can I go on the internet and tell everyone we're getting married anyway?"
"How did you manage to find the only two teenage girls on the face of the planet where the blonde one was the SMART one?" I whispered to him.
"I never find them, they always find me." Xias whispered back.
"So would you please give us another autograph!" the blonde one said, holding up a marker.
"Sure, anything for a fan." Xias smirked as he took the marker from her, but then looked back at her with a look of confusion. "Uh, what am I supposed to be signing?"
"Well, how about my ti-"
"Okay that's it, as Mr. Xias' lawyer and manager I'm going to have to recommend we bring this interaction to an immediate end!" I said, grabbing Xias by his shoulder and practically dragging him away.
"Awwww." the two girls said as Xias just shrugged and dropped the marker on the ground while I lead him away by the arm.
"Hahahaha, I'm Mr. Xias."
"Why couldn't I have been Randy Savage's business manager instead?" I wondered aloud.
"I wonder if they're legal yet. Hey, you're a lawyer. If they say they're 21 and they give me fake ID to prove it, do I still get arrested for sex with a minor?"
"So, are you gonna finish telling me why you're back in the States, or are you going to go hit on more marks?"
"Alright, alright, I'll tell you." Xias said. "But only because you called me 'Mr. Xias'."
"So, what the **** is it?! Is Jolt coming back?"
"Are you going back to the eff-dub?"
"Are you bringing IOW back?"
"So.....what is it then?"
"There's only one promotion in the entire United States of America that's worth my time." Xias said as he walked down the hallway. "There's only one promotion, and one title that could make me return from Japan."
"And that is...."
"The CSWA Unified World Title."
I promptly fainted on the floor.
Xias, of course, immediately walked away to see if he could find the Hispanic chick who "looked 19".
And the redheaded chick was already fast at work on an internet terminal, letting everyone know that she was pregnant with Xias' child.
He can't go home again soon enough.