(FADE IN to the backstage area after Primetime in Oklahoma City. The Hip Hop Express are celebrating their victory in the 6 man tag match against Wicked Sight, Lawrence Stanley, and Shane Southern. Inferno Ice is still in his wrestling gear, as well as Sight’s leaf medallion, shaking up a bottle of Cristal that was in a bucket of ice nearby. He pops the cork and sprays the champagne all over the room. Boogie Smallz, who doesn’t seem too amused by his partner’s antics, is watching a replay of their match.)
INFERNO:BOOYAH! (Pours champagne on himself.) Yeah man…it’s time for us to kick it! We just got a victory over the guys the CSWA is hyping as the next generation of legends, I got a couple of dime pieces lined up for later on tonight. And I scored some KILLA’, the guy told me it was called Kentucky Blue Grass this stuff is really blue lookin’!
BOOGIE:Hoes, bud, fresh off a win…let me hit 2Pocalypse up and have him come through our penthouse suite in about an hour.
INFERNO:(Drinking out of the bottle.) Man, what was up with him buggin’ earlier? Sayin’ he didn’t want to team with us and all that?
BOOGIE:Crackas had to be blind to not see him as our partner. Do you honestly think 2Poc would give a s(BLEEP) if we jacked Sight’s medallion or not? They were tight about 2 years ago…but not anymore. I told ya…Sight’s ass went POP…we stayed true, we kept it on the underground, we kept it true. If ya ask me, he got what he had comin’ to him. 2Poc gave up on Sight a long time ago.
(On the monitor, near Boogie, the replay of their match ends and a commercial for Fish Fund comes on. Several of the matches are listed, including a match for a shot at the World tag team titles…the Hip Hop Express VS. the Men of Adventure. Boogie turns away from the monitor and looks over at Inferno.)
INFERNO:Yo dawg, remember what happened at the last Fish Fund we were in?
BOOGIE:You mean our 5-star match with Arrogance? The one that the Disco Midget got involved with and cost us our tag titles…not by having us lose the match…but due to an (Makes quotation marks with his fingers.) “executive decision”, they stripped us of the belts. If I recall correctly Mr. Merritt wasn’t all that impressed with the match.
INFERNO:That assjack fined us, threatened to suspend us, stripped us of our belts…but he didn’t gain possession of the titles. To pay for our fine and as a way of saying “(BLEEP) you” to Merritt, we took the titles to a pawn shop and PAWNED them off. Yeah, we didn’t get the full value…but we really didn’t give a damn!
BOOGIE:That’s what led to the gimmick change, that’s what led to us really being able to be more like ourselves, and now we finally get a chance to take back what is ours, the Unified tag team titles. (Pauses) Men of Adventure, maybe the first time to locked up…we didn’t take you seriously. Inferno had us dressin’ like you guys, he picked up a piece of MOA droppings off the ground and acted like a tracker…all in all, the skit didn’t get over the way Inferno had hoped. Ain’t no thang…this time we got more on the line, more to gain, and I’ll be damned if I let you two take that from me! You two are better than I thought, but have you ever held any championships? And if so, were they just some props for a skit with a blue screen?
INFERNO:Didn’t they beat Raw Deal? (Laughs) Like that’s some sort of big accomplishment or somethin’. I hear you went out and got yourselves a manager. Well it was obvious to me that you guys were lackin’ direction. That you were just 2 cats walkin’ around in trapper regalia without a true purpose…other than to entertain the fans with your comedic performances…and I have to admit, you do a great job of it. See, a few years ago we were sort of in your shoes. We were a couple of dancin’ fools, we did goofy stuff…not that we still don’t from time to time, had a midget for a manager, and we literally had the crowd eating out of our hands. But as time went on, we realized that the fans really didn’t give a s(BLEEP) about us. All the stuff we did for them, risking our lives week in and week out…and for what? So some 60 year old grandmother can relive her glory years…those fabulous 70’s, when she would go on a coke binge, participate in orgies, and competed in dance-offs…all for a chance to meet the guy that played Juan Epstein…the Hispanic Jewish kid from Welcome Back, Kotter? Well f(BLEEP) that!
BOOGIE:Hey man, you take your Ritalin today? What the hell are you talking about?
INFERNO:Never mind. (Inferno shakes his head and snaps out of his mood. He chugs some more champagne.)
BOOGIE:Men of Adventure, get ready for the biggest match of your careers against the best damn team in the history of the sport! (Pauses) And if you guys smoke out…be sure to come through and give us a holla’ before the match. We’re such great guys…we’ll smoke you out before we kick your ass. Call it a final meal…before your execution. (Smiles)
INFERNO: What the next big show after Fish Fund? Is it Elvis Lives?
BOOGIE: I don’t f(BLEEP)in’ remember…but why do they have to celebreate that old drugged out cracka? Why can’t they call is BIGGIE LIVES? Or TUPAC LIVES? Damn crackas.
(FADE TO BLACK)
INFERNO:BOOYAH! (Pours champagne on himself.) Yeah man…it’s time for us to kick it! We just got a victory over the guys the CSWA is hyping as the next generation of legends, I got a couple of dime pieces lined up for later on tonight. And I scored some KILLA’, the guy told me it was called Kentucky Blue Grass this stuff is really blue lookin’!
BOOGIE:Hoes, bud, fresh off a win…let me hit 2Pocalypse up and have him come through our penthouse suite in about an hour.
INFERNO:(Drinking out of the bottle.) Man, what was up with him buggin’ earlier? Sayin’ he didn’t want to team with us and all that?
BOOGIE:Crackas had to be blind to not see him as our partner. Do you honestly think 2Poc would give a s(BLEEP) if we jacked Sight’s medallion or not? They were tight about 2 years ago…but not anymore. I told ya…Sight’s ass went POP…we stayed true, we kept it on the underground, we kept it true. If ya ask me, he got what he had comin’ to him. 2Poc gave up on Sight a long time ago.
(On the monitor, near Boogie, the replay of their match ends and a commercial for Fish Fund comes on. Several of the matches are listed, including a match for a shot at the World tag team titles…the Hip Hop Express VS. the Men of Adventure. Boogie turns away from the monitor and looks over at Inferno.)
INFERNO:Yo dawg, remember what happened at the last Fish Fund we were in?
BOOGIE:You mean our 5-star match with Arrogance? The one that the Disco Midget got involved with and cost us our tag titles…not by having us lose the match…but due to an (Makes quotation marks with his fingers.) “executive decision”, they stripped us of the belts. If I recall correctly Mr. Merritt wasn’t all that impressed with the match.
INFERNO:That assjack fined us, threatened to suspend us, stripped us of our belts…but he didn’t gain possession of the titles. To pay for our fine and as a way of saying “(BLEEP) you” to Merritt, we took the titles to a pawn shop and PAWNED them off. Yeah, we didn’t get the full value…but we really didn’t give a damn!
BOOGIE:That’s what led to the gimmick change, that’s what led to us really being able to be more like ourselves, and now we finally get a chance to take back what is ours, the Unified tag team titles. (Pauses) Men of Adventure, maybe the first time to locked up…we didn’t take you seriously. Inferno had us dressin’ like you guys, he picked up a piece of MOA droppings off the ground and acted like a tracker…all in all, the skit didn’t get over the way Inferno had hoped. Ain’t no thang…this time we got more on the line, more to gain, and I’ll be damned if I let you two take that from me! You two are better than I thought, but have you ever held any championships? And if so, were they just some props for a skit with a blue screen?
INFERNO:Didn’t they beat Raw Deal? (Laughs) Like that’s some sort of big accomplishment or somethin’. I hear you went out and got yourselves a manager. Well it was obvious to me that you guys were lackin’ direction. That you were just 2 cats walkin’ around in trapper regalia without a true purpose…other than to entertain the fans with your comedic performances…and I have to admit, you do a great job of it. See, a few years ago we were sort of in your shoes. We were a couple of dancin’ fools, we did goofy stuff…not that we still don’t from time to time, had a midget for a manager, and we literally had the crowd eating out of our hands. But as time went on, we realized that the fans really didn’t give a s(BLEEP) about us. All the stuff we did for them, risking our lives week in and week out…and for what? So some 60 year old grandmother can relive her glory years…those fabulous 70’s, when she would go on a coke binge, participate in orgies, and competed in dance-offs…all for a chance to meet the guy that played Juan Epstein…the Hispanic Jewish kid from Welcome Back, Kotter? Well f(BLEEP) that!
BOOGIE:Hey man, you take your Ritalin today? What the hell are you talking about?
INFERNO:Never mind. (Inferno shakes his head and snaps out of his mood. He chugs some more champagne.)
BOOGIE:Men of Adventure, get ready for the biggest match of your careers against the best damn team in the history of the sport! (Pauses) And if you guys smoke out…be sure to come through and give us a holla’ before the match. We’re such great guys…we’ll smoke you out before we kick your ass. Call it a final meal…before your execution. (Smiles)
INFERNO: What the next big show after Fish Fund? Is it Elvis Lives?
BOOGIE: I don’t f(BLEEP)in’ remember…but why do they have to celebreate that old drugged out cracka? Why can’t they call is BIGGIE LIVES? Or TUPAC LIVES? Damn crackas.
(FADE TO BLACK)