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Greenie is bad at blackjack

The Great Eye

I came to cut you up
Jan 29, 2004
(FADEIN: Green Machine sitting at a table in one of the high end gambling areas in a casino, he's betting stacks of black chips, which are universally 100 dollar chips in Vegas. The chips keep ending up going towards the dealer as Greenie appears more and more upset.)

GREENIE: Oh come on, how can you get 20 again?!

(The dealer shrugs, and puts down a new hand, Greenie has a 15 facing a dealer's face card.)

GREENIE: Gawd dammit...I'm gonna stay (Waves his hand for the 'stay' motion)

(The dealer turns over their hole card for another face card for 20 and wins again.)

GREENIE: Ahhhh!!! Why?! Dammit! Why! That's it...We're playing for real now

(Greenie moves a smaller stack of yellow chips, which have lord knows what value into the middle. Greenie gets dealt an 11, facing a dealer's 5)

GREENIE: Oh wow, I should double down on this, shouldn't I?

DEALER: That's what the math says.

GREENIE: Bah, hell with the math, hell with you, it's all a trap, hit me!

(Greenie taps the table for a hit. The dealer puts a face card down, Greenie now has 21, the dealer quickly runs out his own hand and loses, he pays Greenie out.)

GREENIE: Man I should have doubled down...

DOC: Yes you should have...

(Doc puts a bunch of empty racks on the table)

DOC: Time to go Greenie.

GREENIE: No way! I'm starting my big rally! I'm only down 25...

DOC: Hundred or thousand?

GREENIE: Thousand...So what?! I'm still up six figures!

DOC: Your wife called me, she found out about Diversity and then tried to get you on your cell phone, which you of course had turned off, she knew you would be doing this, you know how much she hates me, for her to call me to get you must mean she's furious.

GREENIE: I'm up 6 figures! How can she be mad about this?!

DOC: Because you were about to blow it all playing blackjack

GREENIE: Friggin' women...Bah...

DOC: How much of your TEAM and EPW checks do you get to keep when you get paid...

(Greenie is silent)

DOC: How much is it?

GREENIE: I get like...300 a week...If that...

DOC: And your wife keeps the rest so you two have a place to live...Cause you can't be trusted with money...

(Greenie seethes, staring down at the table)

DOC: And the only reason you have gambling money is because back in the day when I was a drug addict and a drunk, I was paying you moronic sums of money to manage my personal affairs...And mostly because I'm now to lazy to do that stuff now, I'm still paying you...I am 'the enabler' as your missus calls me...Since I foolishly put money in your pocket to throw away...

(Greenie looks at Doc)

GREENIE: How did she find out about Diversity?

DOC: Because you've been raving about what a sleeper pick they were for like, a month, because when you saw the 25-1 odds you sent me like 5 texts? You didn't exactly keep it a secret...I'm pretty sure you even conned her into giving up a little towards that 5K.

GREENIE: She's gonna take this 100K from me...I'm gonna lose my roll...I was back in the game man...

(Greenie begins racking up his chips, looking defeated)

DOC: You know it's for the best...Look I'll kick in something extra at the start of football season...Now I'm gonna walk you to the cage, since I can't trust you, and then I'm gonna follow you home, since again, I can't trust you, and I also can't trust that your wife won't kill you...So once the two of you are inside and you're most likely not about to be murdered, then I'll leave...

GREENIE: You better...I've already got some plays on the week 1 lines barring pre-season injuries...

DOC: There are already lines out for week 1...

GREENIE: Hells yeah! Steelers giving 5 to the Titans. That opener on Thursday Nights is always a rout for the defending champs, AND the Titans stomped on the towel, that is gonna be a mugging!

(Doc shakes his head)

DOC: There are lines out for week 1 of the NFL and you're already handicapping...Man, this bumps gambling on reality shows shown in Europe to 2nd in moronic garbage I've had to deal with today...

(Greenie finishes racking up, they start walking towards the cage.)

GREENIE: KC's got Cassell under center, getting 8.5 at the Ravens man...That's a live dog if I've ever seen one, I can't wait for the money line...Cause I'm gonna be all over that...

(Greenie continues to list his sure fire winners as Doc walks him to the cage in silence...FADEOUT)

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