EastPrez
Pressure Chief
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2000
- Messages
- 392
- Points
- 0
(FADEIN: To an Internet Cafe' inside an unnamed hotel, and more specifically, a cubicle wired for the Internet. 'Hot Property' EDDIE MAYFIELD stands in front of it with a shoulder bag, pulling out a orange Alienware laptop computer with flames licking all over it, and connects it to some wires on the table. He sits down, pulling some headphones out of his bag. MAYFIELD is wearing a 'Konami Code' T-shirt and green running pants.)
MAYFIELD: "What's up everybody? Your favorite technophile, the cool cat guys wish they could diss, and their ladies want to kiss, Hot Property, the HEADLINER, and marquee attraction of CSWA, and not only am I a client, I'm also the GOD-D[BLEEEEP!] PRESIDENT, Eddie Mayfield, here and accounted for. (Smiles and puts the headphones on, and turns on the laptop. a loud hum emits from the machine.)
"And I'm here in this hotel, about to do a little multiplayer online real quick on my Farenheit 451 custom jobby-job, to make a point. You see, if you were paying attention, you idiots out there would know that I'm a gamer. Video Games, etc. that's my s[BLEEEP!]. Tech TV, G4, I'm on it, whatever. And in multiplayer games, you're dealing with a squad of people with one objective: Beat their opponents. Either it's the other people around you, or as a team. In my case, at the second show of E! TV, (Not PRIMETIME, silly) Chad Merritt, the soggy in milk owner of this company, has decided that he's gonna teach me a lesson by putting 3 people in this match that want to gang bang me in screwjobs. Well Merritt, if you have a thing with watching someone get screwed by a bunch of doods, I suggest you head down to your local West Coast Video, go through those little double doors in the back and rent you a flick that you could get off on. But no, you decide that you'll give Eddie Mayfield the silent treatment, and put these three ass[BLEEEEP!]s in a maze to try and steal my cheese. Well I'm not going for it, and there's nothing you can do about it.
"JJ Deville - the guy who this company gets a kick out of watching him kick me in the freaking face, over and over again. YOU DON'T THINK I REMEMBER THAT?! JJ, I TOLD YOU to stay out of my business, dood. I FREAKING TOLD YOU. now you're gonna pay, my man. You're not worthy of my AIR, and your sure as hell ain't no special referee, unless the special they meant was like, short-bus, chinstrap helmet special. You know what I mean. All I know is this: JJ, I don't even expect you to call this down the middle, after I showed the world how an exemplary ref like myself handles business, and you're just gonna come out here and BITE, just like the old grafitti guys used to say, I know you're not gonna get it right. I EXPECT you to screw me, JJ, so in that theorem, you CAN'T. You can't EVEN begin to be like Eddie Mayfield, so don't even try. (Thinks, then snaps his fingers) OH! I almost forgot. When this match is over, I'm gonna dump you on your fu[BLEEEP!] head for General Purpose. Sorry, that almost slipped my mind.
"And THEN we have my favorite character of all time, Steel Viper, the green guy who busts out of the wall in the 5th stage of Double Dragon. Well I've been whipping your ass and embarassing you for months, Viper, and if you want me to do it again, I love nothing more than to please the constituants in the audience who pay to see me make fun of dumb people, so I'll just have to do it again. If I have to drop YOU on your head to do it, so be it. I can easily just use the aluminum bat on you or hit you with that boulder until you fall off the edge of the screen, but I think you get more points if you do it the other way. (Smirks) Let's be dangerous.
"And lastly Camshaft Cruise. Crammypants. Ferris Buhelers schizophrentic pal. Dood, I don't even have anything to say to you, because at least with Viper, I enjoyed asphyxiating him and dropping him off of a loading dock like a kid throwing a puppy into the river tied in a GLAD bag, but you? Man, I don't even remember if you're worth being in this match, if just to give Merritt another body to make this a 'Screw Eddie Mayfield Gala Event'. Cruise - you REALLY think you can represent? You REALLY think you can be the CSWA President? I don't think so, and 30,000 registered ticketholders know you can't and frankly don't care to see you try. You're a non-factor, Cruise. Prove me wrong, or sit the f[BLEEEP!] down. I'll be waiting to see which one you come up with, because frankly, as I see it? They might as well put Henderson Bramble in this match and try to put him over as actually having a snowballs chance in beating me for the Presidential title. Yeah, I think THAT little of you. Boo, Hiss. I'm a stinker. Sue me. (Flips the camera the pixelated bird)
"I could say more, but the servers loading. I'm about to get into some UNREAL 2004 real quick. Hey Viper! maybe I'll see you in the game, you freak. Just remember this guys, E! TV is MY SHOW, and I'M THE ALPHA, and the F[BLEEEEP!] OMEGA, and whatever you wanna bring, ain't gonna be enough. Go complain to Merritt now before the match even happens - it'll give you a leg up on the line thats' forming to the left of people who can't deal with that ass[BLEEEEP!] Eddie Mayfield. Love it or lump it, doods. I'm out."
(FADEOUT as MAYFIELD starts manipulating a mouse and pulling out a cigarette. Right above his head is a sign that reads: "No Smoking")
MAYFIELD: "What's up everybody? Your favorite technophile, the cool cat guys wish they could diss, and their ladies want to kiss, Hot Property, the HEADLINER, and marquee attraction of CSWA, and not only am I a client, I'm also the GOD-D[BLEEEEP!] PRESIDENT, Eddie Mayfield, here and accounted for. (Smiles and puts the headphones on, and turns on the laptop. a loud hum emits from the machine.)
"And I'm here in this hotel, about to do a little multiplayer online real quick on my Farenheit 451 custom jobby-job, to make a point. You see, if you were paying attention, you idiots out there would know that I'm a gamer. Video Games, etc. that's my s[BLEEEP!]. Tech TV, G4, I'm on it, whatever. And in multiplayer games, you're dealing with a squad of people with one objective: Beat their opponents. Either it's the other people around you, or as a team. In my case, at the second show of E! TV, (Not PRIMETIME, silly) Chad Merritt, the soggy in milk owner of this company, has decided that he's gonna teach me a lesson by putting 3 people in this match that want to gang bang me in screwjobs. Well Merritt, if you have a thing with watching someone get screwed by a bunch of doods, I suggest you head down to your local West Coast Video, go through those little double doors in the back and rent you a flick that you could get off on. But no, you decide that you'll give Eddie Mayfield the silent treatment, and put these three ass[BLEEEEP!]s in a maze to try and steal my cheese. Well I'm not going for it, and there's nothing you can do about it.
"JJ Deville - the guy who this company gets a kick out of watching him kick me in the freaking face, over and over again. YOU DON'T THINK I REMEMBER THAT?! JJ, I TOLD YOU to stay out of my business, dood. I FREAKING TOLD YOU. now you're gonna pay, my man. You're not worthy of my AIR, and your sure as hell ain't no special referee, unless the special they meant was like, short-bus, chinstrap helmet special. You know what I mean. All I know is this: JJ, I don't even expect you to call this down the middle, after I showed the world how an exemplary ref like myself handles business, and you're just gonna come out here and BITE, just like the old grafitti guys used to say, I know you're not gonna get it right. I EXPECT you to screw me, JJ, so in that theorem, you CAN'T. You can't EVEN begin to be like Eddie Mayfield, so don't even try. (Thinks, then snaps his fingers) OH! I almost forgot. When this match is over, I'm gonna dump you on your fu[BLEEEP!] head for General Purpose. Sorry, that almost slipped my mind.
"And THEN we have my favorite character of all time, Steel Viper, the green guy who busts out of the wall in the 5th stage of Double Dragon. Well I've been whipping your ass and embarassing you for months, Viper, and if you want me to do it again, I love nothing more than to please the constituants in the audience who pay to see me make fun of dumb people, so I'll just have to do it again. If I have to drop YOU on your head to do it, so be it. I can easily just use the aluminum bat on you or hit you with that boulder until you fall off the edge of the screen, but I think you get more points if you do it the other way. (Smirks) Let's be dangerous.
"And lastly Camshaft Cruise. Crammypants. Ferris Buhelers schizophrentic pal. Dood, I don't even have anything to say to you, because at least with Viper, I enjoyed asphyxiating him and dropping him off of a loading dock like a kid throwing a puppy into the river tied in a GLAD bag, but you? Man, I don't even remember if you're worth being in this match, if just to give Merritt another body to make this a 'Screw Eddie Mayfield Gala Event'. Cruise - you REALLY think you can represent? You REALLY think you can be the CSWA President? I don't think so, and 30,000 registered ticketholders know you can't and frankly don't care to see you try. You're a non-factor, Cruise. Prove me wrong, or sit the f[BLEEEP!] down. I'll be waiting to see which one you come up with, because frankly, as I see it? They might as well put Henderson Bramble in this match and try to put him over as actually having a snowballs chance in beating me for the Presidential title. Yeah, I think THAT little of you. Boo, Hiss. I'm a stinker. Sue me. (Flips the camera the pixelated bird)
"I could say more, but the servers loading. I'm about to get into some UNREAL 2004 real quick. Hey Viper! maybe I'll see you in the game, you freak. Just remember this guys, E! TV is MY SHOW, and I'M THE ALPHA, and the F[BLEEEEP!] OMEGA, and whatever you wanna bring, ain't gonna be enough. Go complain to Merritt now before the match even happens - it'll give you a leg up on the line thats' forming to the left of people who can't deal with that ass[BLEEEEP!] Eddie Mayfield. Love it or lump it, doods. I'm out."
(FADEOUT as MAYFIELD starts manipulating a mouse and pulling out a cigarette. Right above his head is a sign that reads: "No Smoking")