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Hellmachine - Lay Down In The Fire

Calamity Jon

League Member
Jan 1, 2000
(FADEIN to a dark, open space illuminated by a garbage can fire, Eno&Byrne's "Jezebel Spirit" blaring over a boombox resting on the dirt floor. The halo of reddish light is consumed at the edges - tattered, licked by tongues of darkness - embracing the half-silhouetted form of CALAMITY. He drinks from a clear bottle half-drained of amber liquid, then kneels to paint a black aluminum bat from a bucket of thick, clear fluid. "BIG IN JAPAN" SEAN TOOMBS emerges from the shadows, with a plastic grocery bag full of glass bottles. He empties the bag on the ground, on top of a pile of gravel and glass shards, and begins bashing the bottles with a cinderblock in both hands ...)

Calamity: "I'd rather do this IN the fire. Things are better when they're forged in a fire, they're more real and deadly. Chains, blades, guns and girders ... ME."

Toombs: "YOU were born in a fire."

Calamity: "Momma never learned, don't smoke in bed, especially around all those oxygen tanks and sh(BLEEP) in the Maternity Ward ..."

Toombs: (continues crushing the bottles, and is quiet for a moment) "I like fire."

Calamity: "Well, we're sleeping in one, now." (Calamity adresses the camera, while still concentrating on his 'project') What was that damn thing that got reborn in a fire? Phoenix? The Chupacabra? Papa Smurf? One of those (BLEEP)ing things, and now we're kin to that fiery rebirth. We're making our bed there every night in a raging fire, to be burned down to ashes and reborn every morning, forged stronger every day. (pauses) Man, NOW I remember that thing that gets reborn in the fire! BATMAN! We're like Batman now!"

Toombs: (whistles low) "Whew, Batman is ba-a-a-a-ad ass."

Calamity: "I heard this one guy whupped his ass, but that's beside the point. What matters is what's happened since that moment at Impact. Look at what we have, wow, Doc Silver's back. But then again, if you watch the 800-Collect commercials, so's Alf. Plus, he's been putting some nasty little ideas into the microscopic monkey brains of those pesky Powell boys. The Brothers Kuplanertzov could've come up with the ab-so-LUTE-ly delish irony of taking us out with a toolbox. And by the way, oh ho, ho ho, it is to laugh." (Calamity presses the aluminum bat into the pile of gravel and broken bottles, and rolls it around) "But what you know of tools - Scotty, Rog - ain't nothing more than Sally Struthers sells late at night for helping retards get their degrees in refrigerator repair and computer programming ..."

Toombs: "I dunno man, they're tool experts. They see a big-ass pair of 'em in the mirror every morning."

Calamity: "And traipsing through each others' dreams, as well, I gather. (Calamity lifts the bat from the pile of shards - gravel and broken glass stick to the hardening epoxy even as some drop in silky strands, illuminated by the garbage can fire, slow-moving comets dropping to the earth. It shines in bright white patches, like hot tar.) Well, meet what we keep in OUR toolbox. I think we'll call her 'The Girl.' "

Toombs: "Hell-o, lady."

Calamity: "Up to now, we've had everything BUT The Girl - the look, the style, the FLAIR, the ability, the desire ... and hell, the championship. And if you want to TOUCH what we got (He holds the bat point first at the camera) you've got to go through The Girl. She'll cover you with more gashes than Ron Jeremy gets in a Spring Break weekend. You can meet her intimately next time WE meet in the ring, Powells, both in Hartford and coming up at Crash, if you can remember how to find your way to the ring without Doc S pulling your string in the right direction."

Toombs: "So what're you gonna do with THAT thing, ram it up Scott Powell's ass? All the time THAT little B(BLEEP) spent in the pokey, he's got an A-Hole tougher than John Wayne's leather scrotum."

Calamity: "Yeah, and what am I gonna do, mess up their pretty faces? Let's just keep her handy and see what artistic inspiration strikes when the moment arrives. (Lays The Girl down on the dirt) We have a lot of heavy stuff coming up on us in the next few weeks, Doc, so forgive me if I don't pay you the mind I'm sure you feel you deserve. First the Powells and Storm, then there's some old business returning to this fed, and then we'll talk, you and us. I'm sure you'll keep yourself busy."

Calamity: "But I really hope you remember your place, boss. "God" is a thing of order, and me? I'm the Boss of Chaos, and this man here's the Big Man of Bedlam. EVERYthing gives in to Big Chaos sooner or later, everything gets left with the SAME option ... just TRY! to SURVIVE! - SOMEHOW!

(Calamity cuts a Double Dukestacy, picks up The Girl and wanders away from the halo of firelight, Toombs following. The camera closes in on the garbagecan fire, and FTB)


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