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Apr 6, 2012
It had been a long time since we were last here.

And yet, despite nineteen months passing since our last adventure in Mrs Dewey’s home, everything still looked pretty much the same. The sun still shone through the bars across the tiny, solitary window of the Dewey family’s basement; the beam of light from which highlighted just how much dust had gathered on the battlestations of the Dewey brothers. Of course Eugene’s was slightly more caked considering it had been almost two years since he’d been home for an extended period of time.

In the darkest corner of the room Mount Dewey, the pyramid of empty Mountain Dew cans, still stood tall despite the vast majority of the cans being dented out of shape. Of course those wounds were caused by one of the more physical disagreements that the brothers had had, but they managed to rebuild the structure nonetheless.

And the couch? Well, the less said about that methane infused, cheeto dust stained atrocity the better.

The door to the basement always creaked when it opened, and no exception was made for this day, but that’s about where the similarities started to come to a halt. The wooden staircase actually joined in with the creaking where once upon a time it would have groaned under the weight walking down it.

That’s what losing over sixty pounds can do for you.

As he stepped off of the stairs and onto the worn out carpet Eugene sighed. It had been far too long since he’d last set foot down here and, to be quite honest, he’d missed it. Since DEFIANCE had set up a permanent home in New Orleans he couldn’t really justify a 1700 mile commute and had been living out of a rented property on the outskirts of the city, a long way away from the place that he still considered home.

The rest of the Dewey household was quiet. Mrs Dewey was out at Lois Hauber’s place for a game of bridge with the girls, and Wayne was… well, who knew where Wayne was? He and Eugene hadn’t spoken to each other since Wayne had fallen flat on his rat like face after failing to destroy Eugene’s DEFIANCE career. There certainly wasn’t any noise coming from upstairs to hint that the younger of the Dewey siblings could have been hiding from his estranged brother.

Slowly Eugene surveyed the basement. From the pyramid, to the desks, to the big screen TV, to the corner with the questionable stain on the carpet…

Yeah, this was home.

After taking a deep breath of the musty, stale air that he’d grown so unfamiliar with, Eugene headed over to his battlestation. He rummaged through the chest of drawers attached to his desk for a few moments, removing old candy bar wrappers and empty bags of chips as he searched for his desired item.

“Where is it?” Eugene asked himself, “I know it was around here somewhere.”

A few moments of searching yielded nothing, leaving Eugene to close the drawer with a confused look on his face. He took a peek in the other drawers in the unit, but he knew full well he’d not left what he was looking for in either of them, and so didn’t bother rooting through them as he had the first.

“Where is it…?” he pondered aloud as he looked around the basement. He’d have to admit, he was shocked that so many of his things were still here. He’d half expected Wayne to have bagged them up and left them for the garbage men to collect months ago. Maybe Mrs Dewey had drawn the line when it came to disposing of personal belongings though. After all, she had always been the voice of reason in their youth.

Just then Eugene had a thought. “I wonder…” he muttered as he got to his feet and headed over to the large armoire that stood against one of the walls. He opened the door quickly, causing a white sheet fell out and land at his feet. Eugene knelt down to pick the sheet up and opened it to to see the familiar handwriting of his brother. Scrawled on the sheet were the letters ‘DEF’ in black with a long, thin red ‘W’ inserted above and between the E and the F. Eugene snorted softly as he remembered the ‘DEWFIANCE’ banner he used to stand in front of when filming his so called ‘propaganda’ videos.

After tucking the sheets back into the armoire Eugene look up on the top shelf and a smile spread across his face. “There you are!” he exclaimed as he pulled a video camera down in one hand and a tripod in the other. He went to close the doors of the wardrobe with his hips but couldn’t bring himself to do so as his gaze met with another sheet that was revealing the letter ‘U’. Eugene set the recording equipment down on the floor and grabbed the second sheet. He unfurled it and held it up in front of himself to read one word painted in black.


Eugene snorted again and shook his head. One time that sheet had been used. One time...

A second time was long overdue.

It didn’t take Eugene long to set everything up, after all, it was just draping a sheet over the armoire and pointing the camera at it. The hardest part was always lifting Dad’s old weights up to the top of the wardrobe so that they’d weigh down the sheet and stop it slipping from where it was hung. That wasn’t a problem now, not with all the training and conditioning Eugene had been through.

No, the hardest part now was making sure his handwriting was legible as he painted ‘BATTLEMANIA’ onto the sheet. Still visible, albeit backwards, was the ULTRATITLE slogan painted on the other side, but its presence wasn’t enough to be distracting.

“Last time I stood in front of this sheet was almost three years ago…” Eugene mused as he finished the crossbar on the final ‘A’, “One time it was used, and then it got tucked away in the back of the cupboard. Forgotten about until today…”

Eugene took a step back and admired his masterpiece. Sure there were a few spots on one or two of the letters that could do with touching up, but he kind of liked the imperfections, so they could stay.

“In fact this whole place has just been gathering dust over the last year and a half.” Eugene continued as he turned and looked beyond the camera at his mother’s basement, “‘Cause I’ve been everywhere but right here. Japan, Europe, Canada… I’ve been everywhere except home.”

“I gotta say… It’s good to be back.”

Eugene caught himself before he took a trip down memory lane and got right back on track, “I’m sorry, where are my manners?” He asked, “For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Eugene Dewey. I am the FIST of DEFIANCE; A title I’ve held for over four hundred days. That’s four hundred consecutive days, mind you, in one title reign. I’m not sure what the exchange rate might be for that compared to other titles out there, but I do know that four hundred days in one reign is… well, it’s practically unheard of in this day and age.”

The pride Eugene felt in wearing the FIST of DEFIANCE shone through as he picked up the title belt and flung it over his shoulder.

What? You thought he’d be painting whilst wearing his title belt?

“I’m sure there are guys out there that would try and tell me that what I’ve achieved could be improved by breaking that reign up into eight separate, smaller reigns… maybe have a couple that only last a few days, maybe a couple of weeks, you know, ‘cause it’s quantity over quality that counts, but that’s fine, those people are entitled to their opinions.” Eugene said with a wry smile, “Of course if you asked me if they were wrong I’d reply with ‘And HOW’.”

“But I digress… For those out there that think they’ve heard of me or might have seen me in the ULTRATITLE, you might think you know what to expect.” Eugene said. He stretched his mouth out and sucked through his teeth ever so slightly before continuing, “Sorry guys, you might have the wrong opinion formed there, ‘cause I might just be a little different from what you recall. Sure, once upon a time I’d have sat down over there and tried to convince myself that all the training I needed for BATTLEMANIA was to get a few Eight-Player Smash games on the go, but no, those days are long gone.”

Eugene brushed a hand over his abdomen as though to emphasise just how slimmed down he’d become since his last foray into the world of interfed competitions.

“In fact a lot of things are long gone now, like the sixty pounds from here...” Eugene said as his hand passed over his gut again before moving it to his hip, “Or the one hundred and forty five pounds from here… but that’s because I don’t need a cheerleader unlike some of the ‘best’ out there.”

Of course Eugene was referring to his brother no longer being attached to his hip. Honestly, Eugene’s career had really taken off after parting ways with Wayne Dewey; the man that did almost all of the talking for him during his first two years as a professional wrestler, and the man that caused the most problems for him during his first three.

“Before you stands a new and improved Eugene Dewey. A Super Eugene Dewey… A Eugene Dewey 64, if you will.” He said with a broad smile. PC master race aside, the old school Nintendo consoles just couldn’t be beat, “My strength, my conditioning, my cardio, my confidence… Every single aspect of my game has been improved since I fell at the first hurdle of the ULTRATITLE…”

“But not everybody knows that, do they?”

“Because, for some bizarre reason, not everyone pays attention to DEFIANCE.” An unquestionably confused Eugene said, ‘Cause if they did they wouldn’t overlook me when they cherry pick four or five wrestlers to zero in on when they talk about BATTLEMANIA.”

“To them I’m still just one of the sixty-four guys that made up the numbers in the ULTRATITLE”

Clearly bothered by the previous statement Eugene shook his head, but on his face he wore a look of steely determination, “And that’s why I’ve entered BATTLEMANIA.” He said, “I hate thinking like that, and I hate knowing everyone else out there thinks it too. That’s why I threw my name in the Goblet of Fire. I want the world to know Eugene Dewey isn’t still just some chubby nerd playing video games that moonlights as a punching bag. Today, Eugene Dewey is a champion, and Eugene Dewey is a skilled professional wrestler capable of beating everyone put in front of him.”

“Just ask anyone that’s ever been in the ring with me.”

“I could rattle off name after name after name of DEFIANTS that have stepped up to me and failed to take this title from my grasp.” Eugene stated proudly, “They’ve not failed just because I’ve got strong thumbs, they’ve failed because I am the living, breathing embodiment of DEFIANCE, just like this title suggests.”

With his face turning red from the energy in his words Eugene continued, “I am the FIST of DEFIANCE, the lifeblood of the most defiant, and the most chaotic professional wrestling organisation on the planet.” he said… well... defiantly, “There isn’t a man, woman or child in this world that’s gonna feel more at home in the inevitable chaos that’s sure to be BATTLEMANIA!”

“I didn’t cut my teeth in the minor leagues before coming to DEFIANCE. When I was signed I was as green as Link’s tunic.” He added as he pointed to his chest with his thumb, “I developed in DEFIANCE, I grew up in chaos. This feeling of anticipation mixed with uncertainty isn’t new to me... it’s how I live my life!”

“When I walk down to that ring I won’t be stepping into a match that I’ve been preparing for for the last couple of weeks.” Eugene added as he shook his head, “I’ll be entering a match that I’ve been preparing for since the first time I ever laced up my boots.”

“I’m not expecting a flawless victory, but I guarantee by the end of the night you’ll hear those oh so familiar words…”

“Eugene Dewey Wins!”

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