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I plead infamy!

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League Member
Mar 31, 2008
"Archibald Danger Doyle, can you please rise?" asked the honourable Judge Gleeson with a pound of his gavel.

Archie stood up scratching at his fashionably styled mullet peering at the icon of legality through mirrored Aviators. The judge cleared his throat as Archie's defense lawyer removed the shades from his face. Archie shot the judge an embarrassed grin as the scratch turned from one of itch to one of awkwardness.

"How do you plead?" inquired the judge.

"Infamy, your majesty."

"Infamy?" repeated Judge Gleeson. "Do you mean insanity?"

Shocked and confused, Archie pointed an accusing index finger at the judge.

"You callin' me crazy, esse? Think you are! Chea. This homey be callin' on me and slingin' mud but it ain't stickin' bruv. Not this time. Nuh-uh. Don't go throwin' glass when you live in a rock house."

Judge Gleeson blinked.

"I plead what I plead, I don't need the man tellin' me otherwise, ya hearin'?" Archie advised the court.

Not sure whether or not to bang his gavel, Judge Gleeson thought a moment as he let Archie's comments settle with him.

"I'm afraid you don't understand the weight of this court," Gleeson admitted.

Archie shook his head.

"It's probably about five tonnes. I dunno really. Couldn't really pay much attention in math so the mass of this room is probably way out of my mathematical fortitude, your holiness."

Gleeson responded with another befuddled blink.

"Would the defense counsel please take control of the defendant?"

Archie's lawyer sat him down with a guiding hand on his monstrous shoulder, seating Archie with a plonk in his chair. This time it was Archie's defense lawyer making the awkward scalp scratch as he tried to take some control.

"We plead guilty, your honour."

Judge Gleeson held up some papers that lay on his desk, butted them on the table and peered over the top of them at Archie, sighing as he were about to ask his question.

"Have you anything to say in your defense, Mr. Doyle?" he quizzed with a hint of resistance.

Nodding and once more standing, Archie took a deep breath as he prepared his defense.

"I do. Chea. I got something to say about all of this right here. I was going to see the doctor coz I had this itch on the hoo-hoo down below after I was with this minx I met up with the other night and did the hokey pokey with. Well, it was more me poking her hokey but I was going to the doctor.

"I really like his office. He has all this shiny stuff there that's really clean. Shiny stuff is sweet, especially speculums. They're awesome. I always wanted to by a gyno when I got older coz then it'd be tasty as Hell when you chewed your nails but then someone told me you had to wear gloves.

"Where's the fun in that?" Archie asked the courtroom.

Everyone seemingly stared at Archie in stunned silence.

"Oh... my bad, my bad. If it pleases the court, where's the fun in that?" Archie asked again.

Judge Gleeson simply looked across at Archie's lawyer looking for some sort of an answer.

"Sir, my client suffers from a rather severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder and if it pleases the court I suggest his license be revoked so this personal nightmare of mine can end," he suggested with a sigh as he slumped in his seat.

Gleeson seemed as pleased as the defense counsel to have this Archibald Danger Doyle removed from his courtroom.

"Agreed. In the charge of dangerous driving I demand Archibald Doyle's license be revoked and he never be granted a license in the State of Texas ever again."

He pounded his gavel once more on his desk.

"Dismissed!" he demanded.

Archie let out a sigh as he looked through his driver's side window toward a grimacing officer.

"Can you believe that? He took my license off me!"

Shaking his head in disgust Archie looked at the officer's ticket pad as if waiting for some form of sympathy.

"He took your license away? And you're driving?" asked the officer.

Archie nodded proudly. Then the pride was removed from his nod, which turned into a headshake of "I've done it again".

"Please exit the vehicle, Mr. Doyle," advised the officer, standing back and placing a hand on his weapon in case un funny stuff ensued.

Archie sighed.

"Is this the part where you get out a the pepper spray? And why aren't your handcuffs fluffy?"

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