Irishred sits alone in his bar in Yankton South Dakota. It is well past closing time. The Allman Brothers plays in the background. Irishred drags on a cigar. He smiles and looks up at the camera.
First off to the camera man...thanks for staying with me. I know it was a rough plane ride back to South Dakota here so I could see my personal physician...but hey. You have been paid well and taken care of and I'm just about done with you. You're OK...right?
The camera moves up and down.
OK enought of that. First to all my well wishers...thank you for your letters, phone calls and e-mails. I am fine. I was never hurt actually. But thank you none the less.
What do I mean I was never hurt? But I collapsed in the ring. I was pinned by an obviously lesser man who I hold a victory over in A1E for his Canadian Heavyweight Title, I was carted off on a stretcher...how could I be fine?
It's all part of the plan kids.
How were the ratings for my match Danny? What did you do with all the extra air time? How pissed were the fans that they had no main event to speak of? How many tickets did you have to refund? How's the pocket book doing?
Now I realize that this is a small victory. Hell you probably don't even consider it such; but listen closely to me Dan...this was just the first shot in a long war. I took the first shot. I hit the target. What are you going to do about it?
You have to pay me...I have a guaranteed contract...our lawyers saw to that.
You can put me in the ring against anyone...it doesn't matter to me. I'm pretty positive that one of my collapsing spells could sit in at any time. Who knows what could happen. Just keep the medics handy Daniel. Keep them right at ringside. I could summon them at any time. And you wouldn't want to be sued for not making sure one of your contracted workers wasn't taken care of would you?
That may cause an investigation...that may cost money...we wouldn't want that to happen to you would we.
Call it crying wolf...call it bad sportsmanship...call it whatever you will. I am here to **** you over Danny. Plain and simple. I am here with your camera man...paying him better then you did...saying whatever I want on your show.
How much do you hate that Danny?
So while I have this time let me tell folks about my upcoming match against your favorite ***** Beast in A1E. I will be facing the current A1E World Champion this week in a match. I'm sure Beastie Boy will be looking for a little revenge seeing how I am 1-0 against him in that fed. So all you loyal wrasslin fans turn away from EPW and watch that match.
What else is going on? Oh yeah...did I mention I am the UCW World Heavyweight Champion? Oh I didn't? Well I am. I have plenty of competitors coming out of the woodwork to face me there. Tune in and watch me face Johnathon Marx. See me beat the hell out of Damon Blackburn. See me embarrass the First once again. Watch me face Dan Ryan yet again.
Oh that's right...you and I have already met in UCW haven't we. How'd that go for you? Did you win that match?
No?
Oh that's too bad really. That's right fans. I beat the owner of this company in a singles match on UCW television. See what you're missing by wasting your time watching this company?
Go out and experience new things. Tune into UCW, A1E, TEAM or hell even LVW. Anything is better then the horse **** that Dan Ryan puts on the TV every week.
I'm here Dan and I'm going nowhere. You wanted me...you got me. Now what the hell are you going to do about it?
Irishred rises and walks off camera.
First off to the camera man...thanks for staying with me. I know it was a rough plane ride back to South Dakota here so I could see my personal physician...but hey. You have been paid well and taken care of and I'm just about done with you. You're OK...right?
The camera moves up and down.
OK enought of that. First to all my well wishers...thank you for your letters, phone calls and e-mails. I am fine. I was never hurt actually. But thank you none the less.
What do I mean I was never hurt? But I collapsed in the ring. I was pinned by an obviously lesser man who I hold a victory over in A1E for his Canadian Heavyweight Title, I was carted off on a stretcher...how could I be fine?
It's all part of the plan kids.
How were the ratings for my match Danny? What did you do with all the extra air time? How pissed were the fans that they had no main event to speak of? How many tickets did you have to refund? How's the pocket book doing?
Now I realize that this is a small victory. Hell you probably don't even consider it such; but listen closely to me Dan...this was just the first shot in a long war. I took the first shot. I hit the target. What are you going to do about it?
You have to pay me...I have a guaranteed contract...our lawyers saw to that.
You can put me in the ring against anyone...it doesn't matter to me. I'm pretty positive that one of my collapsing spells could sit in at any time. Who knows what could happen. Just keep the medics handy Daniel. Keep them right at ringside. I could summon them at any time. And you wouldn't want to be sued for not making sure one of your contracted workers wasn't taken care of would you?
That may cause an investigation...that may cost money...we wouldn't want that to happen to you would we.
Call it crying wolf...call it bad sportsmanship...call it whatever you will. I am here to **** you over Danny. Plain and simple. I am here with your camera man...paying him better then you did...saying whatever I want on your show.
How much do you hate that Danny?
So while I have this time let me tell folks about my upcoming match against your favorite ***** Beast in A1E. I will be facing the current A1E World Champion this week in a match. I'm sure Beastie Boy will be looking for a little revenge seeing how I am 1-0 against him in that fed. So all you loyal wrasslin fans turn away from EPW and watch that match.
What else is going on? Oh yeah...did I mention I am the UCW World Heavyweight Champion? Oh I didn't? Well I am. I have plenty of competitors coming out of the woodwork to face me there. Tune in and watch me face Johnathon Marx. See me beat the hell out of Damon Blackburn. See me embarrass the First once again. Watch me face Dan Ryan yet again.
Oh that's right...you and I have already met in UCW haven't we. How'd that go for you? Did you win that match?
No?
Oh that's too bad really. That's right fans. I beat the owner of this company in a singles match on UCW television. See what you're missing by wasting your time watching this company?
Go out and experience new things. Tune into UCW, A1E, TEAM or hell even LVW. Anything is better then the horse **** that Dan Ryan puts on the TV every week.
I'm here Dan and I'm going nowhere. You wanted me...you got me. Now what the hell are you going to do about it?
Irishred rises and walks off camera.
