aodhan
League Member
[FADE IN: AODHAN LORIGAN stands, back stiff, with a wrapped Snickers Bar held tightly. He wears khaki slacks, rolled up to just below his knees, a cabana shirt, unbuttoned, and an oversized straw hat plopped crooked on his head. The location is a wind blown beach on an unknown island. Bikini clad beauties stand on either side of AODHAN, 'sexing him up'. His horrified glare speaks of uneasiness]
WOMAN [V/O]: Okay, Mr. Lorigan. If you could, I need you to look a little more relaxed - stand like you do when you ACTUALLY are on vacation -
[AODHAN folds forward into an overly relaxed slouch, his shoulders pushed out]
WOMAN [V/O]: No - not quite so relaxed. Just push a little more in -
[AODHAN stands stiffly again]
- uh...
[there is a long pause in her voice]
ya know what, AODHAN? That's beautiful. Great job. You're doin' perfect.
[AODHAN gives a stifled grin, and eyes suspiciously the voluptuous women bouncing at his side]
WOMAN [V/O]: Now, I need you to repeat the script on the teleprompter, can you do that?
[an uneasy nod from AODHAN]
WONDERFUL! we start rolling in five...four...three...two...one!
[AODHAN glares at the camera for a moment, quickly spies on the women at his side. They wear huge pearly white smiles directed toward the camera. He looks back at the screen and narrows his eyes. He mouths the words once over, and then nods slightly]
AODHAN [with false confidence and the cheesiest smile ever seen on film]: 'owaya, everyone, oi'm AODHAN LORIGAN, 'eavyweight competitor for Empire Pro Wrestlin'! whaen oi'm gettin' clubbed badly, an' oi want ter tap oyt, oi need somethin' ter tap me in! that's why oi choose snickers! why, they are a tremenjus 'elp in - AN' - oyt av de rin'! they are so chock full av sugar - an' don't forget de fat - dat oi stay up al' 'ours av de noight! last week, in de gym, for instance, oi wus doin' me presses, an' oi so badly wanted ter gie up, but - oi tuk me snickers boozer, an' oi didn't want ter gie up any more!
[cut to a grayscale video feed. At the bottom of the screen reads the words in VERY small font, 'Dramatization.' AODHAN is throwing punches at a bag that has the Snickers logo emblazoned upon it. Cut to a closeup of AODHAN - he puts a hand on his forehead and shakes his head. The camera pans out, and AODHAN pulls a Snickers from his duffle bag. He unwraps it for all to see - then takes a HUGE bite. He tries to smile through his chocolate clogged mouth. Instantly, the camera clicks into color, and AODHAN pulls back a huge fist - he holds it...and hold its...and holds it. FINALLY, he lets it fly and the bag is launched to the end of it's tether. As soon as the chain pulls in argument, the bag SHATTERS the links - and flies off screen. Cut to the beach]
AODHAN: Jist take me advice, ayte a damned snickers, today, or you'll be sorry!
CAMERAMAN [V/O]: CUT!
[AODHAN looks blankly at the camera for a minute. AODHAN once-overs the girls at his side, glances back at the camera, and then pauses. As if something has been decided, he shakes his head and storms off, out of view]
WOMAN [V/O]: Did you understand a word he said?
[FADE TO: black]
WOMAN [V/O]: Okay, Mr. Lorigan. If you could, I need you to look a little more relaxed - stand like you do when you ACTUALLY are on vacation -
[AODHAN folds forward into an overly relaxed slouch, his shoulders pushed out]
WOMAN [V/O]: No - not quite so relaxed. Just push a little more in -
[AODHAN stands stiffly again]
- uh...
[there is a long pause in her voice]
ya know what, AODHAN? That's beautiful. Great job. You're doin' perfect.
[AODHAN gives a stifled grin, and eyes suspiciously the voluptuous women bouncing at his side]
WOMAN [V/O]: Now, I need you to repeat the script on the teleprompter, can you do that?
[an uneasy nod from AODHAN]
WONDERFUL! we start rolling in five...four...three...two...one!
[AODHAN glares at the camera for a moment, quickly spies on the women at his side. They wear huge pearly white smiles directed toward the camera. He looks back at the screen and narrows his eyes. He mouths the words once over, and then nods slightly]
AODHAN [with false confidence and the cheesiest smile ever seen on film]: 'owaya, everyone, oi'm AODHAN LORIGAN, 'eavyweight competitor for Empire Pro Wrestlin'! whaen oi'm gettin' clubbed badly, an' oi want ter tap oyt, oi need somethin' ter tap me in! that's why oi choose snickers! why, they are a tremenjus 'elp in - AN' - oyt av de rin'! they are so chock full av sugar - an' don't forget de fat - dat oi stay up al' 'ours av de noight! last week, in de gym, for instance, oi wus doin' me presses, an' oi so badly wanted ter gie up, but - oi tuk me snickers boozer, an' oi didn't want ter gie up any more!
[cut to a grayscale video feed. At the bottom of the screen reads the words in VERY small font, 'Dramatization.' AODHAN is throwing punches at a bag that has the Snickers logo emblazoned upon it. Cut to a closeup of AODHAN - he puts a hand on his forehead and shakes his head. The camera pans out, and AODHAN pulls a Snickers from his duffle bag. He unwraps it for all to see - then takes a HUGE bite. He tries to smile through his chocolate clogged mouth. Instantly, the camera clicks into color, and AODHAN pulls back a huge fist - he holds it...and hold its...and holds it. FINALLY, he lets it fly and the bag is launched to the end of it's tether. As soon as the chain pulls in argument, the bag SHATTERS the links - and flies off screen. Cut to the beach]
AODHAN: Jist take me advice, ayte a damned snickers, today, or you'll be sorry!
CAMERAMAN [V/O]: CUT!
[AODHAN looks blankly at the camera for a minute. AODHAN once-overs the girls at his side, glances back at the camera, and then pauses. As if something has been decided, he shakes his head and storms off, out of view]
WOMAN [V/O]: Did you understand a word he said?
[FADE TO: black]