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Iris v MWG (c) - Television Title -

NotorisSTD

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Watch

(CUEUP: "I disappear" by the Faint...)
(Post victory party, the waking hours of the morning after Battle Brawl. Bathroom with red white and blue tiles. MWG is sitting on the toilet, both seats down, mind you. In an ill-fitting new NEW: "FAG POWER" T-shirt, naked from the waist down with the TV title belt draped over his manly parts, his makeup smeared, breathing shallow and quick, eyes beaming, can't tell if he's grinning on just can't stop grinding his teeth...Krist Blue is bouncing on his knee, also in the girly size "FAG POWER" T-shirt and a black leather mini-skirt, hair newly dyed blue, wobbling and drooling, eyes wandering around aimlessly, giggling occasionally at nothing...)

"The Amerikan Idol"
"The Hardcore Legend"
"The Reality TV Champion"

EM DUBYA GEEEEE: I ah, don't expect anyone's particularly surprised? As if John Doe was going to be TV champion? Totally, f'real? (cackles)

BLUE: Meeeeybe...not? (giggles s'more)

MWG: Oh no. Not at all. The ones that said they'd take me down? Y'know, make an example out of me? Show that my revolting behavior wouldn't be tolerated? None of them laid a f(bleep)ing finger on me! And F'the whole bunch of them, it was 45 minutes of grueling physical exertion. That tired old cliche, Blood sweat and tears. But for the ten minutes I was in the closest thing to a wrestling move I did was a kneelift.

If Paris Hilton had been the last person to enter the battle royal, she'd be TeeVee champion now.

BLUE: Oooooh...she was here earlier! Did you see?! We made out...an'those guys gave es all their blow.

MWG: No sweetheart. That wasn't Paris Hilton. That was Mary Kate Olsen.

(Blue giggles, falls off MWG's knee, and collapses on the floor...)

BLUE: I'm jus' ginna lie down fer two minutes.

MWG: 'Kay. But see, I'm in no way downplaying what I've accomplished here. I'm merely stating that if I can do the same things Paris Hilton can, it means if anyone out there doubted my star power, they were WAY the f(Bleep) off base, my pretties...

I can do everything Paris Hilton can, and get away with it for the same reasons. The NEW midcard is brimming with all the freaks and idiots and losers that aren't good enough or too
f(bleep)ked up to get a job filling space in a company people take seriously. And now I am their
QUEEN. Just like why all the freaks and idiots and losers watch the Simple Life and the Real World and The Osbournes and the Surreal Life and Extreme Makeover. Like why EYE watch reality TV. You like me. You REALLY like me. Men want me, women want to be me. Er, maybe it's the other way around. I keep losing track. Um...(places his hand under the belt) Okay, right. Now I remember. I'm a boy. I should tie a string around my finger or something to remind me....

Regardless, you all watch me. you all relate to my hardships and my joy, because they're so much like yours. And you all care. And all love me. And I, in return, love you all. I just hate when you want to take my picture. And I hate the lies they print about me in National Enquirer and People. And I hate you for believing them. But I only hate because I love. Y'know?...it's um...complicated? Or something? Human relationships are so um...uh...F*ck it. Krist, hun, I'm parched. Fetch me something to drink?

BLUE: (From the floor) Yes, empress. I love you!

MWG: I love you to, my dearest handmaiden. Speaking of love, it's all drained out of El Arco Iris. How terrible. He couldn't put a smile on the rest of our faces, so he went and lost his. (mock Spanish accent, that actually sounds more British urban, like AliG. but he's trying for Spanish.) "'Ey Ess-ey, I no win tha tit-al!! Eye'm isa gonna cry all day and then turn evil!! Whaaaaaaaa!!!"

BLUE: (off camera) Whaaaaaaaaa!!!

MWG: WHAAAAAAAAA!!!

BLUE: WHAAAAAAAA!!!

MWG: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

BLUE: WHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA WHAAAAAAAAAA WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!

(this goes back and forth for about 45 seconds. Blue eventually walks back into the shot, hands MWG a half empty bottle of Orange flavored Vodka, and sits back on his knee. Eventually they stop whaaaaaing.)

MWG: (ahem) Don't you see what a silly billy you sound like, Iris? You say you're frustrated because people aren't happy all the time just because you keep telling them they should be? OF COURSE no one's happy all the time!! Where's the drama in that?! Where's the raw human element? Where’s the glamour? Look, Puck and Frankie were both GREAT Real World cast members, cuz without the one cast member who pisses everyone else off, there's no conflict, no story, and no reason to watch...

Face it. You're not angry. You're not even frustrated. You just got so friggin' repetitive you finally bored YOURSELF after everyone else got bored with your goofy little routine a long time ago.

BLUE: (shouting at the camera) BOR-ING!!! BOR-ING!! BOR-ING!!! (screeches with glee)

MWG: So true. This whole little self manufactured trauma of yours, Iris? It's just a desperate ratings ploy. A self destructive bid for attention.

I simply must stop underestimating my ability to influence people....

What rather does just get my craw about all this, is I'm told your little "heel turn" has
something to do with not being able to win titles? With not getting the, (mocking Copycat's voice, but he screws it up again and just does the same AliG impression.) "Respect ya deserve?"

(MWG and Krist both burst out laughing)

But the only reason you're my first TV title defense is cuz you JUST BEAT ME a card ago, Iris...What?...Was I not good enough for you? was a big W over moi not enough to heal the bruised ego of the mighty Rainbow? Well just f(bleep)k you, then.

'Kay, sure, last time you caught me in one my moods. My head was doing that thing again. This time'll be different. This time you're not a babyface anymore, and I'm uh...(checks under the belt again) A boy. Defiantly. So I'm gonna slap the smile right back on your face, then slap it back off again, then spank you 'till your smile ends up on your ass, then kick your ass 'till your smile gets stuck of my boot, and on my way out of the ring I'll probably trip on the stupid thing. Maybe I'll fall awkwardly and hurt myself, but you'll still be waaaaay worse off. So whatever. And it's all to the tune of....?

KRIST: FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT!!!!

MWG: F*ck yeah.

(Krist and MWG make out. We FTB on sloppy tongue action.)
 
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Diablo

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(FADEIN: El Arco Iris is sitting on a park bench in the middle of a grassy area. It’s about dusk. Iris has on his mask, but instead of his normal colorful couture has on khaki pants and a white t-shirt.)

El Arco Iris: You know, El Arco Iris realized something that will probably be the most important lesson El Arco Iris will ever learn in this lifetime. El Arco Iris finally learned that when people are throwing turds in your face, there’s only a certain period of time you can keep smiling before you realize, god dammit, your face is covered in dookie. El Arco Iris was able time and time again to just get back on El Arco Iris’ feet and say “so what, sh** happens, ain’t life great?” But for once El Arco Iris is going to wipe the excrement out of his eyes and say “ENOUGH.” There was a time for trying to change the world and make it a better place, but that time has long passed, and jack sh** is going to make a difference when nowadays “f**k you” gets interchangeable with “hello.” El Arco Iris just has to throw up his hands and just follow the examples of all the other mongoloids out there and just take care of El Arco Iris’ self and nothing more. Nobody asked to be happy for once in their horrendous excuses for lives, so El Arco Iris isn’t gonna waste El Arco Iris’ time.

(El Arco Iris contemplatively rubs his chin and slumps forward on the bench.)

Iris: It only proves El Arco Iris’ point further when the EXACT moment El Arco Iris stops caring, and stops trying to actually help and spread some good seeds and grow blossoms of joy in a garden of hate that El Arco Iris gets a chance at a title. No catches, no insipid stipulations, no tail-chasing and false finishes, just a mano-a-mano match against one opponent for a meaningful piece of leather and gold. You know, a while ago, if you had told El Arco Iris that old adage about nice guys finishing last…El Arco Iris would have shaken his head excitedly and refuted you with a million reasons why not…but now El Arco Iris has realized how amazingly, AMAZINGLY true that is…and El Arco Iris is cool with it. It just means that for once things are actually going to go El Arco Iris’ way, all I have to do is get past a drug-addict transsexual whom El Arco Iris straight pinned before.

(El Arco Iris adjusts himself on the bench so he’s lying back across it.)

Iris: Speaking of MWG…you know, at first El Arco Iris thought it was cute. El Arco Iris was in the same boat, trying to be something different, something out of the ordinary, and this dude was fellating other men in the ring, so his…her…MWG’s originality was admirable. But now you have the television title, and it’s just not cute anymore. Fortune favored you in a little game of Russian Roulette. You pulled the trigger on an empty chamber and managed to not get thrown over the top rope when El Arco Iris just shoved the barrel against the roof of El Arco Iris’ mouth and just kept yanking that trigger until El Arco Iris made sure there was a nice slug lodged RIGHT IN MY F**KING SKULL. Well, El Arco Iris has put down the games, and decided to actually get serious about meaning something to El Arco Iris’ own self instead of trying to satisfy the kind of people who pay to see the guy get shot out of a cannon, but will cheer just as hard if the cannon malfunctions and he’s burned alive. El Arco Iris won’t try to put a smile on your face, MWG, no, the fun is gone, and the honeymoon is over. Instead of trying to change you…El Arco Iris will just eliminate you. It’s as simple as that.

(Camera closes up on El Arco Iris as his words get a little bit more intense.)

Iris: El Arco Iris beat you when El Arco Iris was soft and tender, like the baby mole rat that always gets devoured first by the burrowing snake. There will be no room for forgiveness this time when the love and the happiness are gone. El Arco Iris WILL be champion for once, and it’ll be El Arco Iris’ turn to throw the **** wherever he wants to throw it! That’s just how it’s gonna be, and you’re gonna have to deal with it, because El Arco Iris had to deal with it, and will deal with it…NO LONGER!

(FTB)
 

NotorisSTD

League Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2000
Messages
397
Points
0
Age
40
Location
Boston and other places.
MWG shoots?!

(CUEUP: "erection" by The Faint....)
(MWG, all sweaty 'n gross 'n junk, sitting in a sauna with a towel around his waist, and the TV title over his shoulder. Camera shakes around and zooms in and out. MWG's got a foxy new tongue piercing and a new Marilyn Monroe tattoo on his chest...)

"The IT Boy"
"The hardcore legend"
"The reality TV champion"

mmmmmmm, So I've got a feisty one on my hands. Iris isn't soft anymore. He's rock hard. (licks his lips) And he's tired of getting sh*t on. Which is understandable. I personally don't necessarily mind getting sh*t on, but it's only a special occasion thing, when the mood strikes me. Or when I'm really bored or drunk. However at the moment I'm not bored, I'm not drunk, and I'm in no mood to yield to anyone's poop fetish. I've got a title for the first time since um...the late 90es. Weren't those crazy times? All the bands on the radio sounded like Nirvana. Wrasslin' fashion was dressing in black and trying to convince everyone you were all kinds of dark and mysterious. People were afraid the Y2K thing would kill us all. Furbies were big. Modems were slower. No one knew who Brittany Spears was. And no one knew who El Arco Iris was either.

I'm coming out the other end of an absolutely horrific dry spell, Iris. You think you're frustrated? Wanna hear my life story summarized into a sound bite? The treatment instead of the full film script? Well, I don't know if you can tell, but my childhood in Texas wasn't exactly pleasant. So I become a wrestler cuz I got kind of good at fighting. But I couldn't get over in the U.S. I offended conservative sensibilities. I was too taboo, too kinky, too violent, too sexified. So I went to Japan, where they have an admiration for spectacle. They actually reward you for going way over the top. I beat the big burley Fabio type guy and got the big title. I had an impeccable win/loss record. Nothing could touch me. But I could touch everything else. Drugs. Women. Men. Anything and anyone I wanted. Mine. Then I traded it all for a big money exclusive contract with an American league that promptly folded and left me with NOTHING but my addictions.

I was so far gone I almost became a woman. I was going to pay someone to cut my dick off. That's how bad it can get. Are YOU ready to chop YOUR dick off, Iris? I'd be more than happy to oblige, but if you're not, then quit your insipid f*cking b*tching. I've risen much higher than you ever have only to fall much farther than you probably ever will, and it's taken me literally YEARS to drag myself back up this far. Oh, I know the NEW TV title is the midcard title of a promotion so mediocre Jean Rabesque is world champion, but it's MY title now.

The battle royal was kind of a joke, exactly like I said it would be. NEW finally broke down and gift wrapped this thing for me. But they didn't gift wrap the title for you, or John Doe, or anyone else on the roster. Y'wanna know why, sweetums? Cuz this IS a mediocre show, but eye am ratings on legs. The anticipation of waiting to see what Jean Rabesque and Chaos are gonna do next doesn't exactly make anyone's balls twitch, y'know...I wouldn't be able to get away with some of the things I've done if this company didn't NEED me.

And do they need you? That would be a “no.” Look at you. You're cute when you're angry, but it's all just a tiny bit ridiculous, wouldn’t you say? I went waaaay longer than you did without so much as a promoter willing to give me a job, much less a title shot. You've been getting title matches in WFW on what? Every other show? It's like, so obvious? It's clearly not that people don't want to be happy. They do. And they want you to help them be happy like you supposedly set out to do.

You just keep f*cking up.

I, on the other hand, am a little bored with f*cking up. It's gotten passe. It's not shocking or provocative anymore, and I can't afford to let my shock value wear off. If nobody's watching me, I'll lose all my power.

No, Iris. I’ve got to keep blowing everyone’s mind and libido. I'm not going to f*ck this up. I'm going to f*ck you up instead. F*ck you up something awful to the tune of faggot...faggot...(licks the TV title) Faggot.

(FTB)
 
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