The REAL Funk U. T-shirt
- Aug 26, 2008
[FADE IN: on Morton Murphy standing before the Intergalactic Championship banner, complete with awesome little Space Invader type characters. His hand is armed with microphone and he beams proudly at the camera. He coughs into a closed fist before speaking into the mic.]
“Hello, wrestling fans, and WELCOME to our debut broadcast of iTunes or GTFO!.
“ We all here at the Intergalactic Championship Commission understand that the ULTRATITLE is probably the one thing on your mind right now but we beg just a moment of your time while we make a small announcement regarding the future of this fine institution we’re trying to...
[Morty scratches at his head before shrugging at the camera.]
“Rumours have been in circulation about our debut show in Greensboro, North Carolina, titled Fly Me to the Moon and it’s SURE to be a barn burning experience of complete and utter awesomeness. There’s no denying how great that show is going to be and I remind you, the wrestling fan, that you can purchase tickets FROM the venue in advance so you don’t miss out.
“You wouldn’t wanna miss out because it’s gonna be some show, I can assure you of that. And you DON’T wanna be the only person in North Carolina who didn’t go right?”
[He runs a hand through his hair.]
“So without further adieu I would like to formally, on behalf of the IGCC, extend an OPEN INVITATION to all professional wrestlers associated with FWrestling.com to come one and come all and throw your hat into the ring to QUALIFY as a contestant at the ULTRATITLE final show.
“That’s right folks. I can tell you right now that the ULTRATITLE finale will see the crowning of our first Intergalactic Champion however we need some qualified combatants and what better way to qualify than to prove your mettle inside of an IGCC Sanctioned bout.
“I can confirm to you that our finale will see a four-way no holds barred slobberknocker to crown our champion in BLOOD! That’s right!
“Not ONE! Not TWO! But FOUR men (or women) contesting for the championship at the grandest of all shows on a wrestling calendar, the ULTRATITLE finale.”
[Murphy pauses a moment to applaud awkwardly whilst holding the microphone.]
“Folks, at Fly Me to the Moon there will be TWO Intergalactic Championship contenders qualifying in events yet to be stipulated. The Commission will assess ALL applying wrestlers and book as we see fit. We obviously want to ensure that we’re putting bums in seats and providing the best wrestling show we can WHILE maintaining the credibility we aim to build for the Intergalactic Championship.
“This won’t be any old show, folks. I can guarantee you that. So, if you’re interested in celebrating your OWN awesomeness apply directly to our head office for a spot to qualify and become the FIRST Intergalactic Champion and sow the seeds of your legacy.
“More announcements SOON about Fly Me to the Moon and our Main Event for the card.
“I’m Morton Murphy for the Intergalactic Championship Commission. We’ll see YOU at Fly Me to the Moon.”