Re: ONE-RP MIN: Charlotte, NC
Look, kids! It's Steve Knox again!
STEVE KNOX: Okay, look. I appreciate that you guys all hate each other. Really. It's adorable. But I have some legitimate concerns I need to address.
To the side of Steve Knox's head, a Koopa Troopa appeared.
STEVE KNOX: I'll be honest. I don't know a lot about these things. Fortunately, I have hired an expert in the field. Codemaster?
A black man stepped to Steve's side. A man in a fancy green suit with a white tie, a coffee mug in his hand, and let's not forget the odd, bulky visor covering his face. He was a man whom, like Steve Knox, was unbeaten in NFW competition.
He was the Codemaster.
CODEMASTER: Brothers. Sisters. Bizarre mutant hybrids.
Pause, because the Codemaster is frickin' thirsty. And addicted to coffee.
CODEMASTER: It has come to my attention that there is a Koopa Troopa in NFW. A grunt of the Mushroom Kingdom world, merely a lowly foot soldier in a much larger empire that inevitably falls at the hands of fat plumbers. I have some questions for you, Mr. "Koopa Troopa". If Steve Knox here were to jump on the back of your shell, would you retreat within it or would you come flying out of it? If Steve kicked the shell at Brock Aylas, would he go flying out of the ring upon impact? If I, being the Blackest Brother in the Hyrule Kingdom, were to do a Fire Flower drive-by on your sorry carcass, would you turn into a coin? Is your natural enemy in this promotion actually Joe The Plumber due to sharing the same plumbing roots at Mario? Please. Tell us. I'm sure we're all dying to know.
STEVE KNOX: (incredulous) We are?
CODEMASTER: No, brother. Of course not. Now, if you'll excuse me, my coffee's getting cold.
And just like that, the Codemaster left.
STEVE KNOX: Yeah. Okay. (muttering) That guy's weird. (outloud) Next up...
Legion appeared to the side of Steve Knox.
STEVE KNOX: This guy. Okay. This guy is sort of the guy who sits in the back of the classroom and tries to catch dust in his mouth. He just sort of looks odd and he occasionally makes funny noises. Like, for example, he seems to think that he's better than me. I'd consider that almost adorable, actually.
Pause.
STEVE KNOX: Unfortunately, not only is the idea the very anti-thesis awesome, but it's simply untrue. If you got in the ring with me... you know, again, I'd beat you. Even if I had one hand tied behind my back. Even if I were blindfolded. Even if Luci was with you. Even if the frickin' A-Team was with you. I'd still awesomely waste you. So, I'll tell you what. Since I'm clearly too good for you, I'll do you a favor. We'll put you in a room with James Varga, let you two have your girly slap fight, maybe you can let Luci join in since she'd probably hit harder than both of you, and the rest of us can actually beat each other with steel chairs like civilized people.
Steve threw his arms up into the air.
STEVE KNOX: I'm gonna level with you, NFW. You can bring on the lame Varga jokes, and the lamer Legion responses. You can bring on those aging veterans who still hold on to the past like a crutch. You can bring on the guys who think that their vulgarity makes them sound tough. Because in the end, what's going to matter isn't going to be how witty you are, what you did in the past, or what you did in NFW last year, earlier this year, or ten years ago. I could tell everyone that I'm a three-time World champion, and am still undefeated here in NFW. It'd all be true, but it wouldn't matter. The past doesn't matter. It's what you do in the ring that counts.
Steve smirked.
STEVE KNOX: And trust me when I say... what I do in the ring is indeed... awesome.
He looked off-camera, now.
STEVE KNOX: But hell, all that probably isn't in the NFW agenda. When's the deadline for this, again? The 19th? Varga's probably gonna cut like sixteen more promos before we even get halfway to the deadline.
VOICE: (off-camera, sounds like Beef the Slightly Annoyed from Mega Job) Dude. Fourth wall.
STEVE NOX: What? It's not like YOU guys care about the fourth wall.
BEEF: Yes, exactly. It's our god-given right as comedic personalities to break the fourth wall without mercy or remorse. You're at least still semi-serious. You can't just break the fourth wall like that! You'll create a time paradox!
The sound of someone getting brained in the skull by a coffee mug was heard off-camera.
SECOND VOICE: (off-camera, sounds like Codemaster) My gimmick, not yours.
STEVE KNOX: Um. Yeah. I'm done here. You guys just keep cutting promos or whatever. I've got better things to do.
And, abruptly, we cut to commercial.
