Lorigan vs. Doe

[JABolich]

Aodhan "Fist Of Poseidon" Lorigan vs. John Doe

Doe's been on a roll lately. Can the newcomer Lorigan make a splash by defeating Doe in his debut?

 

[John Doe]

Aodhan Fist of the Toliet Water

[Scene fades in with John Doe grumbling as he sits in his chair. John sands up quick as he throws a can at the TV. John laughs a bit as he stands up]

Doe: Rookie’s, all rookies, I’m getting sick of this already, every week I take on a newbie. I am rookie too, but that is beside the point. I enjoy this; I fired to guys the other day, my rival Kevin Watson and a nobody Cliff Young. This is what I came to this federation for was to wrestle, right? Wrestle a bunch of nobodies? I have this rookie that I wrestle at this Aggression, that wants to step in the ring with me, John Doe? He doesn’t know who I even am! I don’t know who he is either. What am I talking about, maybe I should step up in the ranks, I’ve lost once, and that was to Kevin Watson, who tied with in that Cage Match, then I beat him in that No-Holds Barred match up. I beat him and Cliff Young in that triple threat match up. I hit them with the Amnesia Attack. Now I face off with this bum? This guy I never even heard of? This guy who wishes to wrestle me in the ring? To only lose? What are the bookies thinking? I’m sick of these easy matches but whatever the boss says I have to do. It’s ok, I want to wrestle, makes me better. In order to be better I need experience, I want something greater after this match, something to work up to. Maybe some extreme matches, I mean there has to be some other wrestler in this federation that would like to take it a step further. I know there is, I mean am I the only one around here willing to hit the insanity level of jumping off the top of a cage? I mean come on? I want a bigger, I want people to notice me more, the fans see me out there, and yes they cheer me on, but is that all they do is cheer once in a while because I am whooping on a nobody? I want them to cheer because I did something extreme. I want them to rise to their feet when they see something they never thought was possible. These matches up are nothing. I need a bigger goal, something to shoot for. Maybe the Intercontinental Championship? I am not sure as of the moment. I just need to work my self up the rankings, get to the top and take out someone at the top. This man I face at Aggression is soon to find out how bad I want to be somebody and not just anybody. I will make a clear example of you, you are the one to be the first at the hands of me. I am set for you and, you aren’t set for me. I know what you are thinking, I thought the same thing first entering here. That you are in control you and you are the king of the damn ring! Well I will prove you wrong buddy. Aodhan? The fist of Poseidon? Do you know who he is? Isn't Poseidon the God of water? I piss in a toilet, toilets have water in them? Sometimes I take a **** in water Aodhan, since my toilet has water in it! So you’re the Fist of the toilet water! Ha, ha, I’m just playing with ya…not. So you thinking that your good ‘eh? Thinking you can beat ‘ol John Doe? Maybe you haven’t been around the scrubbing bubbles lately, but you can’t beat me. Be prepared for I am going to wipe you clean out of the ring. I will make you scream in pain when the match is over. This is the end for “I Am Not Anyone….I Am John Doe”!

<F.T.B>

 

[aodhan]

..

[CUT TO: Aodhan Lorigan, raven-purple hair pushed across his eyes by a brisk wind. The camera follows him as he walks into a hospital. Doors whir, and then slide open smoothly as Aodhan crosses their threshold. To the front desk he marches, no elegance involved. He slams his clumsy hands down on the cheap white finish. The camera pans from behind him to a profile view that catches not only him, but an elderly, fat nurse, with skin the tone of mohagony]

POSEIDON: Oi need answers. yer must 'av sum in dohs big filin' cabinets [POSEIDON lifts a hand and extends a finger toward shiny filing cabinets lined along the far wall] over dare.

NURSE [a look of sheer enjoyment ripples her sagging skin]: 'cuse me, sir? 'Peat that fo' me?

POSEIDON: Luk, 'oy many jimmy doe's yer got filed away in dis buildin'? [he gestures with his hands a small size. He shakes his head, and then increases the size] Oi mean, yer must 'av at laest dis many, roi?

NURSE: Sir, if I understan' yo' correctly, yo' mean ta as' me how man' John Doe's we got? Well, I'd reckon dozens, e'en hundreds!

POSEIDON [he nods as if he knew it all along, then drops his hands to the desk again]: Jist as oi figured. [He turns toward the camera, a grin spreading his cheeks] John, yer clap, dare are many jist loike yer. they don't nu who they are, an' they are jist as lost. canny fend a fixture in dis world, aye? so yer came ter wrestlin'! funtarstic move, buddy. don't 'av ter interact, don't 'av ter be a somebody, cos yer can jist raise yer fists an' 'av a go at dem, den? well, dis funtarstic young doll, 'ere, [he slides an arm around the nurse's flabby shoulder, and pops a cheesy grin] 'as jist solidified me point. yer ain't even a speshal person wi' naw name, cos millions av people world-wide walk aroun' not knowin' who they are, called jimmy doe. you're not speshal, an' yer certainly ain't gonna walk oyt av dis rin' withoyt a limp in yer stride, cos whaen oi finish teachin' yer waaat 'tis loike ter 'av a trident shoved roi through yer gut, you're gonna wish aodhan lorigan never chowed 'is bake aroun' 'ere EPW! jist mind, I AM LEGEND, I AM GOD, AND I AM MYSTERY!

[FADE TO: dark blue. The word POSEIDON slowly dissolves onto screen, a small golden trident layed across the text]

 

[John Doe]

Are You Kidding Me?

[Fade in as John Doe raises and eyebrow, he smirks as he starts to snicker under his breath. John cracks his knuckles as he rubs his hand through his hair. Doe yawns then spin in his chair.]

Doe: Are…Are you kidding me? Freeman you have to be kidding me? This guy can’t even speak English correctly! This is a joke; you’re a joke Aodhan, a pure stupid ignorant joke. This is plain and simple; you are a joke that needs to end at Aggression. I mean did you even go to school? You had to go to a hospital to find out what a John Doe is? That there are hundreds of “John Doe’s”. You are mistaken good ‘ol Ebonics speaking Aodhan. You think I fear you, you think that really scared me? That you went out of your way just to find out that I’m so called “not special”, well you are mistaken! You're just a bum, I think this will be a very good match Aodhan, first I am going to kick in your stupid teeth, then I will cut out your tongue, to bad I can’t do that, but if could I would be saving the rest of EPW from your stupid talking that you do, just do me a favor and SHUT UP! God your voice annoys me. You know that? I mean god I can’t wait to slap you silly across the ring. Form turnbuckle to turnbuckle I am going to kick you around like the pathetic dog you are. You’re a legend? A legend that know one has heard of, a legend I am going to kill. You’re a god? A god that I am going to crucify in the ring and a god that won’t resurrect from the dead. You’re a mystery? Yes a mystery indeed, a mystery that I will solve and put away with in one night. You better think twice before you think you can step toe to toe with me. I have no clue what the heck you are doing in a wrestling ring; you belong back in school, or more in a zoo. Lock up in a little cage for people to watch your stupidity run about. You think you’re so good? Wait, just wait until Aggression, I will show why the show has that name title; I will show you full-blown Aggression. You better be prepared because I am. The ring awaits your destruction and destruction I will provide for it. This is the end line for you, plus I am going to end you to save the other EPW superstars, something that you aren’t, trouble and grief of having to work their asses off just to face you, a pathetic little bug that I am going to squash in one quick stroke! This is not the hospital; of course that’s where you will be ending up after our match breathing out of a tube. This isn’t a little play around, let’s be friends palace, this is the palace where superstars breath life into wrestling, you are just taking up the oxygen for the rest of us. You say there are hundreds of John Does? But there is only one John Doe in this palace, and the only John Doe that is willing to step in the ring with a loser like you, look your wasting my time and airtime. So do us all a favor and disappear, never show your face in EPW. I hope this is another your fired match up because I will gladly do it. I would spit in your face if you were by me right now, just because I think you are the biggest joke ever, I will repeat that for you since obviously you don’t understand correct English YOU…..ARE…THE….BIGGEST…..JOKE….EVER! Did that hit the slow mind of yours God of the Toilet Water?? You better get your facts straightened out, there maybe John Doe’s but this John Doe is different from the rest, this John Doe Is on fire to kill, and kill your spirit I will. Be ready, be prepared, I Am Not Just Anyone……I Am John Doe.”

<F.T.B>

 

[aodhan]

[Scene opens as Aodhan holds a pamphlet with the word 'Ireland' scrawled upon it. He peruses it briefly, and then looks up at the camera, confused]

AODHAN: Johnny boy, since you've been to school, and I can't manage my ABC's, why don't you teach me some lessons. You can start with geography...and a place called Ireland. I mean, you do have a masters from Harvard, no? Well, according to this brochure -

[AODHAN raises the brochure, and presses it to the camera lens]

- the indigenous people of Ireland, are in fact IRISH! not only do they speak the more common language of English, the ancient language Gaelic is still spoken. Why, this lesson is so amazing, I might come back for more!

[AODHAN holds a hand to his gaping mouth, looking sarcastically shocked]

But, my favorite part so far, and get this - the Irish people speak with an ACCENT! Oh lord, how can I comprehend such banter! Yes, it's true - the Irish have a notoriously difficult to understand BROGUE.

[AODHAN drop the brochure and all sense of laughter like a ton of bricks. He glares at the camera]

AODHAN: Listen, you little bastard. You won matches against opponents who couldn't even change their own diapers. Just wait until Aggression, because I'm going to dig my fist so far down your throat, you're going to be pissing AODHAN for the next month. So what, you can wrestle. Well, damnit, I think we all can. What it's going to come down to is this: is your ego going to lead you on a blind quest - or can you actually step it up and win a match that isn't against a couple of pansies who'd rather hug each other than throw a bloody fist! One day, you're going to be slipping on the bottom rung, and I'm going to kicking you in the head from the top. you think YOU deserve an Intercontinental title? Heres a thought - why don't you try and remember your name, before you try and scrap like a lap dog for a chance at the gold. YOU, my friend, are the joke, not me. Just come prepared to Aggression, because if you take one misstep, you'll fall and won't be able to get up. I'll show you what a legend can do.

[FADE TO: black]

 

[CuseTroy]

FADE IN...

Matt Johansson and Bryan Storms sit in their South Beach penthouse suite, you can see several vertebra-snappingly gorgeous women in the background.

STORMS:

Wait, did JOHN F*CKING DOE just insult another man's use of the English language? John "47 and a half minute run-on sentence" Doe insulted a guy with an accent? I mean, I know the guy's supposed to be an "escaped mental patient"...

JOHANSSON:

Which we doubt...

STORMS:

...But for you to insult ANYONE'S use of the English language is the single biggest disgrace I've ever seen. Just go back to your inbred family on the side of some hill in Appalachia and don't bother the real men. Lorigan, we could give two sh*ts about you, but Doe-Nut, you're just a moron.

JOHANSSON:

Sorry, Johnny, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

STORMS:

We'll see ya later, Johnny. You've just become the latest victim of OUR scathing wit.

Bye-bye, moron.

...FADE OUT

 

[John Doe]

Times Ticking

[Fade in as John Doe rises from his seat in a bar. John hands the bartender a $10 dollar bill as he shakes his head raising the T.V volume.]

T.V: John Doe verse Aodhan “The Fist of Poseidon”. Can the rookie defeat John Doe on his debut, or will he fall short to the grasp of the destructive John Doe? Find out this week on Empire Pro Wrestling!

[John shuts off the T.V as he yawns.]

Bartender: Tired John?

Doe: You have no clue this fool has me training like crazy.

Bartender: He shouldn’t be a problem John, take it easy have to run downstairs and restock.

Doe: All right, [bartender leaves]. So I have a little idiot trying to tell me that he is going to put his fist down my throat? Ha! You said that right Aodhan…whoops I’m sorry “Toilet Water God”. I’m getting agitated by you Aodhan, you’re starting to get on my bad side, and that’s a side you don’t want to see. Its to late for that know I guess, you already ticked me off, and so now you have to pay the piper. You my friend are going to have to feel my wrath. You think I was just playing with you? You are a joke! You call me the joke? I will show you wrong I have to kick your ass up and down the ring now. After you it’s time for me to work up the rankings, to become the number one contender for the Intercontinental Championship. You will have to watch me do that from your hospital bed. I’m sick fo you already! You have no clue what pain you are going to face at Aggression! This is the end of you, you are the reason why I started to wrestle to eliminate loser like yourself! You say that I am a joke, you don’t even know me, I am going to make you pay for that. I am going to make you pay for even coming into EPW. You will see what I am going to do to you, up close and personal. This is your end, your doom, your career is going to come to a sudden halt after Aggression, you though that you would drive me off with that little lesson of geography? Well I will show a lesson, the lesson of pure and utter pain. Pain that I will provide for your body, pain you have never felt before, you will feel my wrath upon you as you slowly sink away from EPW, you say I will fall? No, no you will fall you will be the one doomed, you think you are contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, you have to be kidding me! I would like to see them take you and destroy you for you will never come back. I would like for that to happen. Oh yes I did learn something to day, that you are more pathetic than I thought, I can’t wait to step toe to toe with you just for I can smack the stupidity out of your small slow brain. This isn’t going to happen, you will not be able to break me down, I don’t fear you God of the Toilet Water. I am starting to feel as if I am going to have to break every single bone in your body before you get the point that you need to SHUT UP. Yes please shut up you are just embarrassing yourself more than you have to. I mean it’s embarrassing that you think you are going to destroy me in the ring, you make me giggle. It’s quite funny actually, you Aodhan “God of the Toilet Water” stepping in the ring with me, IT’S NOT A JOKE ANYMORE! This has just became serious Aodhan. This match is going to be one you will never forget, your first match a loss to the hands of John Doe, you thought that I was going to let you slide when you said there are hundreds of John Doe’s? You think I am your little friend calling me Johnny Boy? Don’t ever….ever call me that, you call me John Doe, you understand me? No? Well then maybe I should beat it into your ******* skull! You stupid prick you thought I was going to just say ‘Ok Aodhan, I will let you pin me 1…2…3?” you’re more crazy than I am! This is my time!! My ring!! My win!! My show!! My turn to kick your ass up and down the damn ring, I am getting sick of you, sick and tired of each and everyone of you that I face in the ring calling me Johnny Boy like I am your friend form High School, I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND! Never have, never will be! I am going to break every bone until you cry, I am sick of you already! I can’t wait till Aggression, it’s ticking, the time is ticking away until I break your head in! I will end this once and for all! Just remember “I Am Not Just Anyone…. I AM John Doe”!!!

<F.T.B

 

[CuseTroy]

FADE IN...

Storms and Johansson again, now out on the picturesque sand of South Beach in Miami.

STORMS:

Thank you, John, for proving our point.

JOHANSSON:

Hey, hey, listen to this.

STORMS:

What?

JOHANSSON:

This. [Launches into ridiculous John Doe impression.] Me John Doe. Me smash you toilet man in head. Me be Intercontinental contender Championship to. Me have no idea how to take a breath while I'm speaking.

STORMS:

Eh. Not bad. I still think you could crank up the retard level just a LITTLE bit more. John, please. Do the paying public a favor an shut your freaking mouth. If you don't, we may have to send a message to you in Tampa, just like we will to Golem and X-ecutioner.

JOHANSSON:

Just come of it, J-man. You don't want to end up like Ivan and Erik did when we made our debut. So just put your tail between your legs and run. If not, we might cause some REAL brain damage, instead of just the SUPREME retardation that you currently posess.

STORMS:

So do yourself a favor, Johnny, and just keep your upper sh*thole shut. If not, you may end up as a victim of more than just OUR scathing wit.

Adios, Johnny. In more ways than one.

...FADE OUT

 

[JABolich]

Adam, please stay out of someone else's match thread unless you've spoken to them about it first. Couldn't this have gone under General RP?

 

[CuseTroy]

Sorry, guys. Point duly noted. I'll stay out of this one from now on.

Adam

 

[aodhan]

[CUT TO: a commercial featuring AODHAN LORIGAN. He smacks a punching bag off it's chain]

[CUT TO: a locker room. AODHAN stands by his locker, applying deodorant to his under arms. On the inside of his locker door is taped a bright pink flyer with thick black ink - COHEED AND CAMBRIA, LIVE! AODHAN drops the stick of deodorant to the bottom of his locker and it hits with a dull ring. He scrubs his head with a towel, then looks up at the camera]

AODHAN [while sliding a tight black shirt with bright orange letters reading THE CLASH, over his head]: Me man, johnny boy. oi'm tryin' ter 'elp yer oyt, really. oi mean, luk at yerself. Ah've seen storms an' johansson aroun' de facilities, but Ah've never even TALKED ter dem - an' they are too impatient ter wait. they want a piece av yer roi now, an' ter be 'onest, oi'm not gonna be de wan ter stop dem.

[AODHAN pulls a comb from the hidden depths of his locker. He laces it through his hair, and brushes it neatly]

AODHAN: A ward av advice, buddy. Watch oyt - you've got many enemies, already. If yer want ter keep yer steam rollin' in dis fed, you're gonna 'av ter make at laest a couple av frien's, or, you're gonna 'av an entire corporashun full av big, pissed of men who want ter tear yer ter pieces. Oi suggest yer slow down, cos nobody wants ter watch yer back into a corner. Dat wud be too cruel. Luk, oi don't consider meself yer enemy. You're jist wan piss'd oif dude - but if oi WUS an enemy, oi wouldn't even be de worst. Consider de match oi'm gonna put yer through a warm up. A warm up ter de excruciatin' pain dat yer lads Storms, Johansson, an' proobably 'alf dis damn company, are gonna put yer through. Watch oyt johnny boy. Yer luk more loike a lap dag each time oi see yer. Don't forget, you're gonna see a legend in de makin', firsthan'. Sum wud pay for dat.

[FADE TO: black]

 

[John Doe]

Hmm...

[Fade in with John Doe spinning around in circles. Rain beings to pour as John laughs, he continues to spin faster and faster. John looks up at the sky.]

Doe: Rain drops keep falling on my head….[John suddenly stops looking at the camera] I don’t have anybody to watch make back. That’s what you said; I have nobody in my corner. That people want my head on a stick. Storms wants a piece of me? I can careless, they want to take me on they can, I will be waiting for them, but right now I am not focused on them I am focused on you Aodhan. You aren’t my enemy? That is all good and dandy, I have no problem with you, I am an angry man, you said that correctly. I am a very angered person, and I have a problem with everyone. You, you said you’re not my enemy? You’re trying to get on my good side? Hoping the beating I give you isn’t as bad as I said? Well Aodhan, we will see. Time will tell us what will happen in the ring when you face off with me. I think that will prove a point, maybe you won’t get your face kicked in. maybe I will go easy on you. Maybe not, maybe I will beat you worse than I had in mind; maybe I want to kick your teeth down your throat, maybe not. All I have to say Aodhan is be ready, be ready for this match, this is your first match in EPW, and this is your first match in Aggression. You have to prove yourself to the whole federation. That is why you are here to prove yourself, to show everyone how good you are. This is also my time, to show them how bad you can lose, how bad you are, how weak you are. It will come in time, it is coming shortly. This match is almost here and I am set for you, I have half of EPW wanting to have a piece of me. That is ok, that is fine, I want them to hate me, I want them to want to kick my head in. When you tick off a man that man wants you dead, if EPW superstars want a piece of me bring it. They can wrestle me with that anger in them that flare in their eyes, they will be in the ring and want to end me. That’s when you have the matches that make history; you have the match that shows you a lesson. I plan to make a lesson out of you. Maybe I will learn something, maybe I won’t. Maybe you will show me something new maybe I will show you something new, or maybe I will strangle the life out of you. Who knows, who cares? I surly don’t, I tell you Aodhan, prepare yourself, be ready, I am going to give you the match of your life. I am set and ready to kill. You are a legend that is good, you can be a legend in your own mind, but to me you are still Aodhan “The Fist of Poseidon”, a man that will step in the ring with me ready to have my head on a stick like the rest of them. I can’t let you beat me; I will train until I am blue in the face until I allow that to happen. You my friend you are in for a dear lesson. Aodhan, the accent talking man, that’s all fine and dandy but I will smack the sense into you. I will show you what happens in the ring I will show you that “I Am Not Just Anyone….I Am John Doe”

<F.T.B>