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LVW Prelude (5)

Koby

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Nov 5, 2005
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(COLD OPEN: Inside the rocking House of Blues at Mandalay Bay! Strobe lights beam throughout the room from the LVW “Welcome to Las Vegas”-style logo on top of the entranceway up on the stage, flashing all colors of the rainbow, and the place is a mad house!)



“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”



(The cameras zoom through the crazy, hopping crowd! To the tuxedo-wearing regulars in the front row, beers in hand, screaming and throwing their arms into the lens; to a whole bevy of hotties in clubwear, half wearing cowboy hats, the other wearing Viking helmets; to a small group of Elvis impersonators all doing the curled lip and point as the lens hits them; up to the rafters, and the Mexicans waving their home country flag high and proud; to a “WEB BROWSER WILL CONTROL-ALT-DELETE YOU” sign; back up to the rafters with fratboys screaming, back with their “HANS ATTACK!” banner; down scanning to the floor; suits, hobos, tourists, the elite, drunks, degenerates, they’re all here!)



(CUTTO: The middle of the “FULLTILTPOKER.NET” ring, standing in his finest threads is JEFF MAYES, hair slicked back, mustache freshly waxed, smiling from ear to ear, but not as big as the man standing next to him, SIR SIMON SMITH, who’s looking like a million bucks, fresh off the assembly line, letting out a maniacal laugh! MAYES throws his arms in the air, revving up the House of Blues!)



JEFF MAYES: “WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-COME TO THE BALLYHOO! (POP!) WE ARE HERE… AT LAS! VEGAS! WRESTLING!”



“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”



MAYES: “We are here at the PRELUDE… to the BIGGEST show in Las Vegas Wrestling history! (Pop!) I’m Jeff Mayes, and STANDING here beside me-“

SMITH: “Be quiet, Mayes. I can speak for myself! (Boos!) And YOU BE QUIET TOO! (Louder boos!) You are all in the presence of roulette royalty!”

MAYES: “Not again with this, SIR Simon.”

SMITH: “Didn’t I say be quiet! (More boos!) You may have been able to talk down to me at the LAST show, but not this time! Not to a man laden with cold, hard cash!”

MAYES: “Which as we all know, you’ll go out and piss away yet again!”

SMITH: “Not THIS time, Mayes! It’s all about the 35 black, the nine-square around 20, and betting BIG on the other color when the board’s shown red hit more than five times straight!”

MAYES: “But, they say that each roll is indepen-“

SMITH: “They say gibberish! That’s why they have to write books to try and scrap together a couple dollars, while I earn all the loot at the tables!”

MAYES: “Enough with your adventures, because LVW is on a ride towards the biggest adventure in wrestling history here in the Valley, and that is Supershow on the Strip I! (Cheers!)”

SMITH: “Go on Mayes, tell them the menu.” (MAYES gives SMITH a glance)

MAYES: “TONIGHT, we find out the four finalists who will do battle to become the FIRST EVER LVW World Heavyweight Champion! (POP!) All eight remaining combatants have been at each others’ throats this week, Sir Simon, and they’re ready to go for the kill!”

SMITH: “It won’t be pretty in this ring, I’ll tell you that! The plasma centers are at the ready, ‘cause after tonight, someone will need a blood transfusion!”

MAYES: “And we also find out who will be the FIRST man to FACE the new World Champion, in a 5-Way Match for the first World Title shot!”

SMITH: “Don’t forget about my good friend, Carmine Esposito, Smith! Like me, him and Jimmy Two Times… they’re blazing the revenge trail on all you doubters!”

MAYES: “Plus, the premier of The Gentleman of Leisure’s… talk show, Leisure Time! With his very first guest, the Las Vegas Legend Killer, Jack House!”

SMITH: “I won my barrels of cash straight-up, so the House has no problem with me, but this new goof we hired WILL.”

MAYES: “FOUR semi-final matches in the LVW World Championship Tournament – FOUR winners, FOUR men gaining a shot to be the first to be called LVW World Champion – all that coming at you RIGHT NOW!” (The room whoops it up!)

SMITH: “Order me Two Shots of Happy!”



“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”



(MUSIC UP: “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad (Hot Nugget Remix) – Matt Dusk)



(CUTTO: Slow swooping helicopter shots of the Las Vegas skyline! From the Stratosphere tower, to the east to the Wynn, shooting straight south to Caesar’s Palace, circling all around to point to the south past the Paris Eiffel Tower and the Bellagio…)



V/O: “TONIGHT, we bring you PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING as it’s never been DONE BEFORE… IN THE CITY OF SIN!”



“I’M JUST A SINGER…. SOME SAY A SINNERRRRRRRRRR…

ROLLLLLLLLIN’ THE DIIIIIIIIIIICE… NOT ALWAYS A WINNER.”



(…The helicopter zooms in on the broadside of the MANDALAY BAY)



V/O: “Coming to you from the HOUSE OF BLUES at MANDALAY BAY, get ready for the glitz, the glammer, and the gore! Get ready for LAS! VEGAS! WRRRRRRRRESTLINNNNNNNG!”



(Soft FADEOUT to commercial)
 

Koby

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LVW Prelude - Segment 02

(FADEIN: The stage, and the room goes purple! Fog machines fire up, engulfing the front of the curtain!)



(MUSIC UP: “Hard Hitter” – Red)



MAYES (V/O): “We’re here at PRELUDE, and we’re ready to kick things off with the 5-Way Match, the winner getting first dibs at the new LVW World Heavyweight Champion!”

SMITH (V/O): “And here’s the best lawyer in the business, the Hard Hitter!”



(A BLACK SHADOW shows up in the fluorescent purple light, and the boos get loud! The shadow comes closer to the light and emerges through the fog – “Hard Hitter” BEN LERNER – not in his wrestling gear, but in his $300 suit!)



MAYES (V/O): “Hey, waitasecond, what the hell is this about?”

SMITH (V/O): “I told you he’s the best lawyer in the business, Mayes. I got the inside track – this place’s lawyers have been busy all week going through books of paperwork, trying to avoid a lawsuit!”

MAYES (V/O): “Lawsuit?”

SMITH (V/O): “You just wait!”



(BEN LERNER, briefcase in hand, finishes climbing the stairs and enters the ring, demanding JERRY HARWELL hand him the mic!)



BEN LERNER: “I’m here to inform all of you that I will not be wrestling tonight… (Cheers!) …go ahead, cheer for a company that employs a referee that was knowingly NEGLIGENT in disqualifying me in my match last week. An INJUSTICE, is what it was. I am here to let it be known that on the basis of FAULTY WORKING CONDITIONS, I am taking Las Vegas Wrestling TO COURT (Boos!) and I have all the proof that I need on video. One tactic all great lawyers, such as the Hard Hitter, use is to leak evidence that is favorable, and that’s what I’m doing here right now – someone roll the tape from last week!”



(The trons book-ending the stage entrance light up, and LERNER’s footage rolls!)



(B-ROLL: From ‘LAST WEEK’)



MAYES: “Both men are down, and referee Brian Puter is starting his count! He’s up to three, Lerner rolls over on Browser! He grabs the leg! ONE! TWO! THRE-NO NO! BROWSER KICKS OUT! Lerner forced himself to his feet, and he’s saying “That’s it!” He’s got Browser by the hair and pulls him to his feet, and he sends him into the ropes! ANOTHER CASH SETTLE- (OOOOOH!) – NO! BROWSER’S LEG HIT REFEREE BRIAN PUTER! Lerner’s off-balance and lost control! Browser to his feet – (POP! Into a groan.) DEE-DEE-TEE! LERNER’S BEEN INFECTED!”

SMITH: “This is no time to be cute, Mayes! Why are we still letting him drop people on their heads?”

MAYES: “Lerner might be out for good! Browser to his feet… what is he motioning for? Browser bringing Lerner to his knees…”

SMITH: “OH NO!”

MAYES: “Web Browser is setting up for the SPAM STOPPER! He’s sure to kill Lerner dead if he hits it!”

SMITH: “DEAR GOD NO! (OOOOOOOOOOOH!) PHEW!”

MAYES: “LOW BLOW BY LERNER! Browser crumbles to the mat! What the hell is Ben Lerner doing now? He’s going to his cor- he’s GETTING HIS BRIEFCASE! What’s he going to do with IT-



(The screens go to STATIC!)



(The picture returns on the trons, showing BEN LERNER and WEB BROWSER both on the mat, referee BRIAN PUTER having already called for the bell!)



(CUTTO – ‘LIVE’: BEN LERNER in the ring, looking knowingly at what the House of Blues has also seen on the trons.)



MAYES (V/O): “I can’t believe this. He hit Web Browser cold with his briefcase!”

SMITH (V/O): “The evidence is in the video, Mayes! That klutz Web Browser obviously tripped Ben Lerner.”

MAYES (V/O): “He doctored the tape!”



BEN LERNER: “See? An air-tight, slam-dunk case of referee malpractice! This will not stand. I will have my day in court, and I will have justice! After all, they don’t call me the “Hard Hitter” for nothing!”



(LERNER drops the mic, and storms out of the ring, adjusting his tie, as the House of Blues rains down with loud boos!)



MAYES: “I can’t believe what Ben Lerner is doing. He’s got an OBVIOUSLY fixed tape of last week’s show, and instead of earning a shot at the World Champion in the ring, he’s going to clog up the legal system with a frivolous lawsuit!”

SMITH: “Hey, hey, hey, hey… there’s no such thing as a frivolous lawsuit. It’s called waiting a couple years for easy money to most lawyers, but with the Hard Hitter, it’s called making easy money in less than a month’s time.”

MAYES: “Oh God. Well with this unexpected announcement by Ben Lerner, it looks like our 5-Way Match has turned into a 4-Way Match for the World Title shot. Jerry Harwell is ready in the ring, let’s get to it!”



(MUSIC UP: “Pretty Vegas” – INXS)



(CUTTO: The stage as the room stands, looking towards the entrance, and out comes “Broadway” JOHNNY DOLL to some love! DOLL, in white sequined tux with tails and bowtie and black trunks, pumps his fists, and jogs down the mini-ramp, slapping hands with all the fans, double-slapping with both the left and the right!)



MAYES (V/O): “And here’s “Broadway” Johnny Doll! Sir Simon, he had a battle with El Gordo Grande last week, before getting edged out, but he’s here to make the most of a second opportunity to take the elevator to the top of Las Vegas Wrestling and straight into the Main Event picture.”

SMITH (V/O): “Good luck with that. Even with my man, the Hard Hitter no longer in this match, he still has stiff competition, including another of my all-time favorites, Bill Bellmoth!”

MAYES (V/O): “How many favorites do you have anyway, SIR Simon.”

SMITH (V/O): “Unlike YOU, Mayes, I network after the shows, and I have a nose for talent as well.”



(MUSIC UP: “California Love” – Tupac)



(CUTTO: The curtain, and out hops DIVA X in next to nothing, looking ready to audition for amateur porn, and the men are loving her for it! LIVING DEAD shifts out to the mini-ramp behind her, rocking back and forth to the beat, doing a mock zombie walk, before smacking DIVA X on the ass!)



SMITH (V/O): “Hey! He showed some life!”

MAYES (V/O): “Living Dead’s been on a bad run as of late, but seems to be more lively this week. Maybe he’s finally loosened up to life in Las Vegas.”

SMITH (V/O): “Or maybe he finally ate enough brains to mutate to become one with the living once again!”

MAYES (V/O): “You… why do I bother sometimes.”



(MUSIC UP: “Blood Sugar Sex Magik” – Red Hot Chili Peppers)



(CUTTO: The stage yet again as JONATHAN NASH, dressed from head to toe in all black, slowly creeps out through the curtain, head-banging to the slow beat of the music. NASH stops for a second, still rocking his knees, and then flies toward the ring, sliding clean through the bottom rope! NASH crawls around the ring, JOHNNY DOLL walking around in his corner, looking untrustingly at NASH, while LIVING DEAD is in his own limbo.)



SMITH (V/O): “Does this guy even talk?”

MAYES (V/O): “Jonathan Nash has been silent all week, and no one has a clue what he has in mind, especially after his wild self-mutilation last week during his match with Mitch Grey.”



(The lights in the House of Blues go out and the place goes black!)



SMITH (V/O): “And now… it’s time… for GREATNESS!”

MAYES (V/O): “Ugh.”



(MUSIC UP: “Jesus Christ Superstar (edit)” – Andrew Lloyd Webber)



(CUTTO: The curtain, and from the ceiling shines a huge spotlight, straight onto the person of BILL BELLMOTH! BELLMOTH, in his trademark black Ultimate Bet windbreaker, black interlocking “BB” cap, and wrap-around Oakley sunglasses, is waving smugly to the crowd, getting insults thrown right back at him! BELLMOTH starts his stroll to the ring, continuing to wave, continuing to get peppered with heated boos!)



MAYES (V/O): “And here comes the joker.”

SMITH (V/O): “What? You jest! He’s the king!”

MAYES (V/O): “Possibly the queen… I hope he isn’t mic’d up tonight.”

SMITH (V/O): “How foolish, Mayes. The detailed insights of a 9-Time World Series of Wrestling Champion going unheard would be devastating for ratings. Of course he’ll have his mic on!”

MAYES (V/O): “Up to Jerry Harwell!”



JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE FALL! (Cheers!) The winner of this match will be the FIRST person to score victory via pinfall or submission, and that person will earn the VERY FIRST TITLE SHOT against the LVW… WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! (Popping!)”



“FIRST, hailing from New York City! He weighs in at TWO hundred and TWENTY seven pounds… here he is, “BROADWAY”… JOHN-NEEEEEEEE DOLLLLLLLLLL!” (The fans give it up, JOHNNY DOLL pumping his fists, then clapping for the crowd!)



“NEXT… led to the ring by MC LUSCIOUS BOOTY DIVA X! (Catcalls!) He hails from PARTS UNKNOWN! Weighing in at ONE hundred and seventy pounds… he is LIVING – DEAD!” (Room buzzes quietly, LIVING DEAD playing the gimmick, giving no reaction back.)



“NEXT, hailing from Cincinnati, Ohio! Weighing in at TWO hundred and EIGHTEEN pounds… he is JON-AH-THAN NAAASSSSSSH!” (Crowd gives some listless applause, then starts revving up the heat, BILL BELLMOTH putting his arms out, palms up and open, looking disapprovingly at the crowd’s responses.)



“And FINALLY… he hails from GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN! Weighing in at an even two hundred pounds… he is a NINE-TIME WORLD SERIES OF WRESTLING CHAMPION! (BOOS!) Here he is… BILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BELLLLLLLLLLLL-MOTH!” (The boos gets louder, BELLMOTH with a self-assuring cocky smile.)



“Your referee is Joe Mercurio.”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “Here we go, for the shot at the champ! Bellmoth goes after Living Dead, Doll after Nash in opposite corners, all four brawling to start! Doll and Dead both get control and give each other a look and WHIP NASH AND BELLMOTH TOGETHER! Doll rolls up the staggering Nash! ONE! T-NO! Dead with the knee to Johnny Doll’s face!”

SMITH: “There are no allies in this match, Mayes. Someone will need to catch someone while no one else is around!”

MAYES: “Dead grabs Doll and snug with a forearm shot, Bellmoth from behind with a knee to Dead’s solarplexes, dropping him! Doll with a punch for Bellmoth! Bellmoth returns the favor! Doll with a hard right sends Bellmoth stumbling to the ropes, and Doll sends him for the ride… and a BACKDROP by Doll! Bellmoth to his feet – DEAD FLIES IN WITH A CLOTHESLINE! Dead covers! ONE! T-NO! Doll returns the favor with a knee to the face of his own, and Bellmoth rolls to the floor out of dodge!”



BELLMOTH: “My God… This is insane …FLOOR! Can I get the Floor over here? Doll and Dead are soft-playing each other! This is TOTALLY unethical! I mean…we’re fighting for a chance to get an LVW World Title shot, and this kind of cheating is being tolerated? Unreal!”



MAYES: “What the hell is he saying?”

SMITH: “He’s just trying to get a fair shake here! Doll and Dead need to get after each other, this alliance is against the spirit of the match!”

MAYES: “They just knee’d each other in the skull!”

SMITH: “Revisionist history, liberal bias!”

MAYES: “I’ll pretend you said something else - Nash is on his feet and he and Doll are trading blows, and Living Dead going after Bellmoth on the floor! Nash and Doll lock up, Doll with a knee to the gut, a second, and off the ropes …SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Quick cover! ONE! TWO! NO, Nash kicks out! (SFX: CRASH of steel!) AND BELLMOTH… sends Living Dead into the STEAL steps! Dead laying… dead, Bellmoth back in the ring going right after Johnny Doll! Bellmoth with a scoop slam, and now… he’s…”

SMITH: “Checking out his hole cards!”

MAYES: “I… Bellmoth off the ropes, brushes something off his shoulder (Pop!) and MISSES with the Slowroll! Doll moved!”

SMITH: “Bellmoth knows better then to Slowroll people, but he just can’t help himself sometimes.”

MAYES: “He’s holding his hand in pain and a HARD kick by Doll to the hand! Doll stomping a mudhole in Bellmoth! (Pop!) AND HERE COMES NASH! TAG TEAM BOOTS TO THE FACE! They grab Bill, and send him in! (Pop!) FLAPJACK! Nash and Doll have him hurting! Nash covers – ONE – Doll pulls him off and covers – ONE – Nash with an elbow drop to the back of Doll’s head!”

SMITH: “Well they’re not softplaying each other for sure!”

MAYES: “And Living Dead is on the top rope! What is he doing up there? THE ZOMBIE IS GONNA FLY! (POP!) SPLASH ON NASH! HE CAUGHT HIM OFF THE ELBOW DROP! HE COVERS! ONE! TWO! NO! DOLL BREAKS IT UP!”

SMITH: “I thought the undead had surely won!”

MAYES: “Bellmoth back to his feet and stomps on Living Dead’s brain! Nash flops to the floor… Johnny Doll to his feet and a forearm to Bill’s back! Bill can’t buy a break in this match – Doll whips him HARD into the corner. Bill stumbles out, Doll off the ropes (OOOOOOO!) FORWARD FLIPS INTO A NECKBREAKER! Doll with the cover! ONE! TWO! TH-NO! Living Dead puts a stop to it!”

SMITH: “The zombie’s got some mojo going, Mayes. The Diva finally broke through the shell!”

MAYES: “Not for long! Doll grabs him by the pants and tosses him outside through the ropes! Doll working over Bellmoth, picking him up and DOWN with an inverted atomic drop… measuring him, PICTURE PERFECT DROPKICK! Bill’s head snapped back! This could be it, ONE! TWO! …NO! Jonathan Nash back in to break up the pinfall attempt! Living Dead back in and… and… (The crowd screaming!) HE’S BITING JONATHAN NASH ON THE HEAD!”

SMITH: “Brain-food!”

MAYES: “Dead has his teeth sunk in – (OOOOOOOOH!) BELLMOTH WITH A SPEAR ON BOTH MEN! He just DRILLED them! Doll charges at Bellmoth – CAUGHT with a HOTSHOT! Bellmoth is in control!”

SMITH: “I told you it was just a matter of time, he can’t always run bad.”



(The crowd starts to buzz – CUTTO: The stage, someone standing at the top of the mini-ramp, wearing all black cowboy regalia from the chaps to jeans to denim shirt to leather jacket to cowboy hat, one might go as far as to call him THE MAN IN BLACK.)



MAYES: “Who is this guy? A man… in black… is out here on the rampway and staring at the ring, and Bellmoth’s isn’t pleased to see this guy!”

SMITH: “I don’t know either, Mayes. He looks scary to me as well!”



BELLMOTH: “Look buddy, don’t be coming down here in the middle of MY match… I’m going to show you how to REALLY wrestle.”



MAYES: “Bellmoth with some words for the mystery Man In Black, picks up Doll, and is met with a right hand! And another! Doll up and in control hooks Bellmoth in – NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! Mercurio with the count – ONE! TWO! …NO, Bellmoth kicks out! Doll to his feet – ROLLUP by Jonathan Nash! ONE! TWO! Bellmoth with the save!”

SMITH: “Nash nearly stole it! That would have been a major upset!”

MAYES: “Bellmoth bashes Nash’s head into the mat, but Doll now grabs Bellmoth by the hair! Pulls him up, Living Dead up behind them, grabs their heads! Double noggin’ knocker! (Pop!) He’s BITING BELLMOTH’S FACE!”

SMITH: “Get off his face! If he ate Bellmoth’s brain… he’d be a super genius and incapable of feeling pain!”

MAYES: “Bellmoth’s howling in agony! Referee Joe Mercurio giving Living Dead the business, and he breaks the… bite! THUMB TO THE EYE by Bellmoth! He caught Living Dead, and tosses him hard to the floor! Johnny Doll gets Bellmoth from behind in a waistlock – standing switch – GERMAN SUPLEX BY BELLMOTH!”

SMITH: “Yes!”

MAYES: “I didn’t know he had it in him! Nash in with the charge – SPINEBUSTER! Bellmoth caught him FLUSH!”

SMITH: “Straight-flush!”

MAYES: “I walked into that one – Bellmoth to his feet, and he’s… he’s waiting for someone to get up!

SMITH: “It’s Cooler time!”

MAYES: “Bellmoth PLEADING for Nash or Doll to get up, and it’s Jonathan Nash, Bellmoth hooks him! (Pop!) THE COOLER! BELLMOTH HIT IT! HE’S SENT JONATHAN NASH TO ROCK BOTTOM! HE COVERS – ONE! TWO! TH-NOOOOOO! LIVING DEAD DRAGS BELLMOTH OFF NASH AND OUT OF THE RING!”

SMITH: “What a ripoff!”

MAYES: “Bellmoth’s trying to get the zombie off him! JOHNNY DOLL WITH THE COVER! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEE! (Crowd marks out! SFX: Bell ringing!) JOHNNY DOLL WINS!”



(MUSIC UP: “Pretty Vegas” – INXS)



SMITH: “NO! BELLMOTH WAS ROBBED!”



JERRY HARWELL: “Here is your winner, and the man who will have the first shot at the LVW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… BROADWAY JOHN-NEEEEEEEEEEE DOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!”



(JOHNNY DOLL rolls off JONATHAN NASH and raises his arms in victory, the room giving it up! The MAN IN BLACK on the rampway is seen leaving towards backstage through the curtain. BILL BELLMOTH disengages LIVING DEAD and storms off from ringside, angrily kicking the steel steps along the way, looking like you could fry an egg on his forehead!)



MAYES: “Johnny Doll won a STRUGGLE, and has earned the first right to face the LVW World Heavyweight Champion!”

SMITH: “EARNED my behind, Mayes! This was highway robbery! Johnny Doll didn’t win with his own move, he won off Bellmoth’s!”

MAYES: “It doesn’t matter how you get the win, a win is a win, and Johnny Doll has gotten the opportunity of a lifetime!”



(JOHNNY DOLL rolls out of the ring, and slaps hands with the ringside fans, hugging and cheering him!)



SMITH: “Oh, this makes me SICK.”

MAYES: “Good! We now know who will be the World Champ’s first opponent, now it’s time to continue to find out who the FIRST WORLD CHAMP WILL BE! EL GORDO GRANDE! HANS NOWAK! THE CLUB BRACKET FINALS… NEXT!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
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LVW Prelude - Segment 03

(FADEIN: BACKSTAGE - BILL BELLMOTH charges into an empty, poorly lit area, outrage on his sunglass-shaded face.)



BILL BELLMOTH: “Unbelievable… Just, it’s just unreal! I mean, seriously… Johnny Doll is a great guy, but he had to be like 30 to 1 to win this match! Just unreal…” (BELLMOTH kicks a chair, sending it crashing to the floor.)



“Second place, third place, second place, second place, second place… no money, no title shot! I can’t believe this… This has got to stop, it has to stop!”



(BELLMOTH puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head in disgust.)



(CUTTO: An overhead shot of the inside of the House of Blues!)



MAYES (V/O): “Looks like your boy can’t handle losing!”

SMITH (V/O): “Lose – Mayes, he was robbed blind!”

MAYES (V/O): “All’s fair in the ring, and Johnny Doll won the title shot, straight up! And now, we’re ready for our FIRST match to determine the Final 4 participants! The Clubs final, here we go!”



(MUSIC UP: “Mexican Radio” – Wall of Voodoo)



(The room gets to its feet, looking to the curtain, checking who the new music belongs to, and then the Mexicans see their hero, EL GORDO GRANDE, and they explode in response! The Mexican flag starts flying in the crowd, air horns blowing, GRANDE with his arms in the air, soaking in the love! GORDO GRANDE adjusts his customary red mask, and heads for the ring, slapping hands!)



MAYES (V/O): “And there he is, the Mexican sensation, El Gordo Grande!”

SMITH (V/O): “He’s been on a lucky streak of his own, Mayes, but the buck stops right here.”



(EL GORDO GRANDE gets into the ring and jumps to the second turnbuckle, pointing to his brethren up in the rafters!)



(MUSIC UP: “National Anthem of Poland”)



(CUTTO: The entranceway, the cheers turning to boos on a dime with the sight of HANS NOWAK! HANS pats the Polish Falcon crest on his solid red singlet, and storms for the ring, sneering, spit flying out of his mouth! MISS ANN, in 80s women’s business attire – red business top, black skirt down past the knee - pops up through the curtain, following her man more timidly than usual.)



MAYES (V/O): “And here comes Hans Nowak! Miss Ann seems to be a bit subdued, SIR Simon.”

SMITH (V/O): “That’s because the dumb Polack put her in her place, and taught her yet again that she’s the slave in this relationship, like all women should be.”

MAYES (V/O): “No wonder you’re not married.”

SMITH (V/O): “I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody.”



(CUTTO: JERRY HARWELL, at the ready!)



JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE FALL, and is the Finals of the Clubs Bracket… (Cheers!) …with the winner advancing to the FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH at SUPERSHOW ON THE STRIP ONE! (Crowd pops!)”



“First, in the ring to my LEFT! (Crowd swelling up…) he hails from La Chiwawa, MEXICO! (The air horns go off!) He weighs in at TWO hundred and SIXTY five pounds… he is ELLLLLLLLLLLLL GOR-DOOOOOOOH GRAAAAAAAAAHHHN-DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!” (Crowd gets loud, the Mexican flag continuing to fly!)



“And now, his OPPONENT! (BOOS!) Hailing from Bia Rawska, Poland! Accompanied to the ring by Miss Ann, he weighs in at THREE hundred and TWELVE pounds… he is the POLISH WARRR MACHINE… HAAAAAAAAANNNNNNSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOO-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK! (The boo-birds get louder! HANS screams at the fools in the tuxedos in the front row, telling them to stick their bow-ties where the sun don’t shine!)



“Your referee is Brian Puter.”



MAYES: “And we are READY TO GO! (SFX: Bell rings!) Hans and Grande lock up, and Hans SHOVES Grande to the mat! Hans pointing at Grande, laughing at him!” (“ALIEN GOD BOW TO HANS” HANS shouts!) Grande back to his feet, lockup, now Grande with the headlock, Hans pushes him off the ropes, Grande on the comeback… RUNS INTO A BRICK WALL!”

SMITH: “A brick wall called Hans!”

MAYES: “Hans gesturing for Grande to get up, and Gordo’s on his feet, staring at Hans daring him to do it again! Grande off the ropes… shoulderblock – NO EFFECT! Grande again to the ropes… CLOTHESLINE! Hans steps back… Grande again to the ropes, DROPKICK!”

SMITH: “The Polack’s still on his feet!”

MAYES: “But staggering! Grande AGAIN to the ropes… DROPKICK to the leg! Hans holding on for dear life! Off the ropes once more (POP!) FLYING SHOULDERBLOCK FALLS HANS! Grande quick with the chinlock!”

SMITH: “He might want an oxygen mask after all that running, the last time he did that kinda motoring was evading the border patrol!”

MAYES: “He’s legal, SIR Simon. Hans slowly fighting his way out of the chinlock, getting to his feet (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) Grande lets go and IN with a chop! (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) ANOTHER! And a right hand! Another right, Hans is in lala land! Grande off the ropes (OOOOOOOOOOOO!) OH MY! HANS LEVELS HIM with a Polish Hammer!”

SMITH: “He CAVED his chest in, Mayes.”

MAYES: “Hans getting his wits about him… he’s going to wrestle this match at his pace. Hans kicks Grande in the side, and pulls him to his feet… lifts Grande up and DOWN with a side backbreaker, and HOLDS onto him! UP again – DOWN with a sidewalk slam!”

SMITH: “That man weighs nearly 3 bills and Hans just threw him around like a rag doll, the man is SCARY powerful!”

MAYES: “I rarely agree with you, but on that you’re right - Hans covers! ONE… TWO! NO! Grande kicks out! Hans gives referee Brian Puter a glare… pulls Gordo off the mat and ships him into the corner HARD! Hans slowly following in, and measures Grande with a kick to the gut, and now a SHOULDER to the gut.”

SMITH: “You can just feel the fight being beaten out of Grande by the Polish War Machine!”

MAYES: “Grande is clearly in trouble here… Hans whips him into the ropes… grabs him, BEARHUG. Hans SQUEEZING it in!”

SMITH: “Quit NOW Grande, before he crushes your ribs into a fine, ashen powder!”

MAYES: “Grande screaming in agony, Hans WRENCHING in the bearhug! Grande looks to be fading, and fading fast! Referee Brian Puter in to check the arm… and it drops once! The rafters are screaming for Grande to get out of this! A second check… drops again!”

SMITH: “Once more and it’s over!”

MAYES: “One more check… (POP!) IT STAYS UP! GRANDE IS SHAKING HIS FISTS, AND THE CROWD IS POWERING HIM UP!”

SMITH: “More guts then brains for Grande! Don’t listen to these rubes!”

MAYES: “Grande soaking in the energy from the crowd (“OOF!) RIGHT to the face! (“OOF!) ANOTHER! (“OOF!) A third, and Hans is losing his grip – (Pop!) HEADBUTT BY GRANDE, AND HANS LETS GO! Grande measures him, STANDING DROPKICK! Hans doesn’t know where he is, Grande… he’s TRYING TO SLAM THE BIG MAN! HE’S GOT HI- (OOOOOOOOooooo)”

SMITH: “No he doesn’t!”

MAYES: “Hans with the sledgehammer to the back sends Grande to the mat.”

SMITH: “Again, in the brains department, Grande is lacking, and that’s saying a lot considering who he’s in there against!”

MAYES: “Hans grabs Grande and sends him into the ropes… SPINEBUSTER! WHAT IMPACT!”

SMITH: “It’s over!”

MAYES: “Hans with the cover! ONE! ...TWO! ...NO! (Room screams in joy!) Grande kicked out! Hans is irate! Glaring at Puter!”

SMITH: “More Emmy-winning fury in the eyes of Hans! This looks bad for Grande!”

MAYES: “Hans grabs him and he pulls him to his knees…NO! Grande gets Hans by the singlet and sends him to the floor! Hans can’t believe he got down there! Miss Ann rushing over to calm down her man… Hans getting to his feet, Grande… Grande’s waiting for him (Pop!) SLINGSHOT PLANCHA OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR! GRANDE JUST PANCAKED THE BIG MAN!”



“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”



SMITH: “Who knew whales could fly?”

MAYES: “Grande to his feet, PUSHES Hans back into the ring. Grande in there after him PEPPERING him with rights, and WHIPS him into the corner! Here comes Grande… AVALANCHE! (Room swelling!) HANS falls on his ass! LOOK OUT!”

SMITH: “NO! NOT THIS!” (The room marks!)

MAYES: “BURRITO BOMB! GRANDE SHOVING HIS ASS IN HANS’ FACE! HANS looks like he’s going to THROW UP!”

SMITH: “The man is considering a god! This is beyond insulting! We’d better have an apology ready for the leaders of Poland tomorrow for this disgrace!”

MAYES: “Hans… gagging and trying to catch his breath… Hans rolling over, his head hanging over the middle rope… he’s gasping for air… waitasecond, here comes Grande off the ropes… (Pop!) He hits a 619 on Hans!”

SMITH: “619?! He’s twice as big as any luchador I’ve ever seen! It’s gotta be a 1238!”

MAYES: “Hans crumples to the mat! Grande covers! ONE! …TWO! …NO! (Groans!) Hans JUST kicked out!”

SMITH: “The Polish War Machine won’t go down without a fight!”

MAYES: “Grande trying to figure out what will keep the big man down for a three count, drops a series of elbows on Hans, and Grande going to the outside… (room revving up…) and he’s GOING TO THE TOP!”

SMITH: “What is he thinking?”

MAYES: “Grande UP TOP! LETTING IT FLYYYYYY! (LOUD groans!) OW!

SMITH: “That’s GOTTA hurt!”

MAYES: “HANS GOT THE KNEES UP! Grande MISSES on the Superfly Splash. Hans rolls over and throws an arm on Grande – ONE! TWO! THR-NO! Grande KICKS out.”

SMITH: “How?”

MAYES: “Hans slowly back up to his feet… grabs Grande and shoves him into the corner. An ELBOW to the face. KNEE to the gut. Now rapid-fire punches to the gut, trying to break Grande down!”

SMITH: “And it’s a rare time you can call Grande the smaller man in a fight!”

MAYES: “Hans… BIG HIP TOSS sends Grande to the middle of the ring. Hans… he pulls down the strap on his singlet.”

SMITH: “It’s time to finish business for Hans!”

MAYES: “Hans waiting for Grande to get up… Gordo to his feet (Yells!) HANS CATCHES HIM BY THE THROAT …CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM BY HANS! HE COVERS! ONE! ...TWO! ...THREEEEEE-NONONONONONONO! (The room going ape!) GRANDE KICKED OUT! GRANDE KICKED OUT! HANS CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”

SMITH: “I can’t believe it either!”

MAYES: “Hans is OUTRAGED! He’s telling referee Brian Puter he’ll ship him back out to the 5th row! These two have a history… Puter telling him to back off and keep fighting! Hans turns back to Grande, picks him up… and LIFTS GRANDE STRAIGHT INTO THE AIR! HE’S GOING FOR THE HANS ATT-WAITNO! GORDO SLIPS BEHIND HANS – AND ON HIS BACK WITH A SLEEPER!”

SMITH: “Fight him off, Hans! We can’t let an illegal alien get into the title match!”

MAYES: “Hans trying to shake Grande off… running back into the corner- NO! Grande gets off in time! Hans limps out DROP TOE HOLD. Hans’ face off the mat! Grande off the ropes, LEAPING SPLASH! Hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! …NO! Hans JUST kicked out!”

SMITH: “That was close!”

MAYES: “Grande still seems to be looking for a big move to put this giant down for three seconds… pulls Hans up (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) OUCH that looks like it hurt (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) Hans up against the ropes, and Grande with a HEAD OF STEAM… CLOTHESLINE TAKING BOTH MEN TO THE FLOOR!”

SMITH: “Hans hit hard, if that was in the ring Grande might’ve had a chance, but he WON’T.”

MAYES: “Grande up and laying the boots to Hans, and Miss Ann is running over screaming at her lovebeast to get up off the floor! Grande’s beating the daylights out of him, grabs him by the head (SFX: STEEL!) BASHES his head into the railing! (SFX: MORE STEEL!) and into the STEEL STEPS! Hans is on DREAM STREET! Grande going to the apron, measuring Hans up… (POP!) DOUBLE AXE-HANDLE TO THE SKULL! HANS SPLATTERS ALL OVER THE FLOOR!”

SMITH: “I can’t believe this! How is Grande doing this?”

MAYES: “Because he’s fighting, and not backing down from this bully! Hans trying to get to his feet using the steps… (SFX: Metal!) DROPKICK TO THE BACK! Hans just went CHEST FIRST into those steps, sending them flying!”

SMITH: “I’m at a loss for words! This is just surreal… this is bigger then the 1980 US hockey team beating the Russians, or the American men contending for gold in curling this year!”

MAYES: “Curling?! Miss Ann is FURIOUS at what is going on! She can’t believe this carnage! Grande gets Hans to his feet and IN with a right hand! Gordo… rolls into the ring, and he’s pulling Hans up… pulling him up to the apron! And… he’s HOOKING HIM IN!”

SMITH: “Is he NUTS?”

MAYES: “Grande is TRYING TO SUPLEX HANS BACK INTO THE RING!”

SMITH: “He’ll never get him up, it’s impossible!”

MAYES: “Grande hooks himmmmMMMMMMMM… HE’S GOT HIM UP! HE’S GOT HIM UP! (BOOING!) WAIT! NO! MISS ANN JUST GRABBED GRANDE’S LEG AND TRIPPED HIM! HANS JUST FELL ON GRANDE! MISS ANN IS HOLDING GRANDE’S LEG! THE REF’S COUNTING! (“ONE!”) NO! LOOK REF! (“TWO!”) LOOK AT GRANDE’S LEGS DAMMIT! (“THREE!”; SFX: Bell ringing!; The crowd MAD!) OH WHAT A JOKE! WHAT A SICK JOKE! MISS ANN WAS HOLDING THE LEG!”



(MUSIC UP: “National Anthem of Poland”)



JERRY HARWELL: “HERE IS YOUR WINNER, and the FIRST MAN ADVANCING TO THE FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH… HAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNS NOOOOOOOOOOO-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!”



(The room is belligerent nuts at what’s happened!)



“BULLLLLLLLLLL-[BEEP]! BULLLLLLLLLLLL-[BEEP]!”



(HANS rolls out of the ring, glassy-eyed, and is grabbed by the arm by MISS ANN, who’s cheering loud, ready to ravage her man-beast! EL GORDO GRANDE is ineffectively pleading his case to referee BRIAN PUTER, trying to explain what happened in Spanish, the ref looking blankly at him!)



SMITH: “Grande’s back gave out, Mayes! He tried to lift all that weight and Hans happened to be the lucky benefactor of Grande’s mistake!”

MAYES: “YOU... (Pauses a beat trying to compose himself) Miss Ann just ROBBED Grande! This match was just flat out STOLEN from him!”

SMITH: “Too bad!”

MAYES: “I… fans, we just had a MAJOR ROBBERY occur here, and Hans Nowak will now be heading to the 4-Way Match for the LVW World Heavyweight Title at Supershow on the Strip.”

SMITH: “Damn right!”

MAYES: “We’ll be back with the finals of the Diamonds Bracket – El Magick-O squares off against the “Cowboy” James Donovan, be right back!”

SMITH: “Order me a drink!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

Koby

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LVW Prelude - Segment 04

(FADEIN: The announce table at ringside with JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH.)



MAYES: “Welcome back, everybody! Next is the Diamonds Bracket Final, where we will determine the second entrant into the 4-Way World Title Match at Supershow on the Strip One, with the magician El Magick-O taking on the Vegas Cowboy, James Donovan.”

SMITH: “El Magick-O got under the Cowboy’s skin talking about dead hookers. I say Donovan needs to get over it. You know how many piles of hooker’s bones are out in the desert?”

MAYES: “Good GRIEF.”



(MUSIC UP: “Dope Hat” – Marilyn Manson)



(CUTTO: The stage, and out comes EL MAGICK-O to jeers! MAGICK-O is wearing his garish swirly bodysuit get-up, looking like the Solar System and a rainbow vomited all over him. MAGICK-O tips his top hat, acknowledging the crowd heat, and struts to the ring!)



MAYES (V/O): “El Magick-O’s outfits… I bet people on acid have a trip seeing him.”

SMITH (V/O): “You’re one to talk about what people wear. Look at that cheesy mustache you have on your upper lip!”

MAYES (V/O): “Don’t go there, SIR Simon.”



(EL MAGICK-O pulls his top hat off, and hands it off to the ringside attendant, yapping at him not to damage the gear.)



(MUSIC UP: “Bat Country” – Avenged Sevenfold)



(CUTTO: Overhead crowd shot, and they’re marking out! CUTTO: The stage, and JAMES DONOVAN emerges through the curtain to louder cheers! DONOVAN, in blue trunks and boots, points an angry finger in EL MAGICK-O’s direction from the stage, and makes his way to the ring, women screaming at him, and a room key flying in and hitting him in the face! DONOVAN stops, sees what hit him, picks up the key and gives a wink to the crowd, stuffing the room key in his trunks! JAMES DONOVAN climbs onto the apron and enters the squared circle.)



MAYES (V/O): “And THERE HE IS! “Cowboy” James Donovan!”

SMITH (V/O): “These broads going crazy for this moron, and he’s worried about dead hookers? He IS dumber than he looks!”

MAYES (V/O): “Up to the ring!”



JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE FALL, and is the Finals of the Diamonds Bracket… (Cheers!) …with the winner advancing to the FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH at SUPERSHOW ON THE STRIP ONE! (Crowd pops!)”



“FIRST, in the corner to my left… (Boos!) He hails from the OH-CEE! Weighing in at TWO hundred and seventeen pounds, here he is… ELLLLLLLLLLLL MA-GICK-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”



SMITH (V/O): “And the O is for orgasm!”



(EL MAGICK-O does a little spin in the ring then waves to the crowd, riling them up some more!)



JERRY HARWELL: “And his OPPONENT! (Crowd marking!) He hails from Enid, Oklahome… WEIGHING IN at TWO hundred and forty-five pounds… here he is, THE COWBOY, JAAAAAMMMMMMMMMESSSSSSS DONNNNNNNN-AH-VAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN! (Huge reaction for the cowboy! DONOVAN raises his arms in the air, staring at EL MAGICK-O while doing so!)



“Your referee is Joe Mercurio.”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “Here we go! They lock up, and Donovan muscles Magick-O into the corner, and in with a series of rights to the face! He whips him to the other corner EL MAGICK-O HITS CHEST FIRST! He stumbles out… CLOTHESLINE TO THE BACK OF THE NECK BY DONOVAN!”

SMITH: “Donovan is pissed! I guess killing hookers really DOES get you on his bad side!”

MAYES: “James Donovan stomping Magick-O, now drags him to his feet, HARD RIGHT HAND. And ANOTHER. Donovan locks his arms around Magick-O …BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Donovan covers! ONE! ...TWO! ...NO! El Magick-O kicks out at two!”

SMITH: “El Magick-O needs a change of plan here!”

MAYES: “Donovan picks Magick-O off the mat, hooks him in… SUPLEX – NO! A JACKHAMMER! DONOVAN JACKHAMMERS EL MAGICK-O AND COVERS! ONE! TWO! ...NO! Kick out JUST in time!”

SMITH: “That was close!”

MAYES: “Donovan all over Magick-O! He picks him up, and places him on the top rope! What is he doing here… Donovan goes to the top himself, and he HOOKS MAGICK-O IN… SUPERPLEX OFF THE TOP! WHAT IMPACT! Donovan crawling over to El Magick-O and he throws an arm over him! He’s going for the kill! ONE! TWO! THREENOOOOOOOOOOOO! MAGICK-O JUST GOT THE SHOULDER UP!” (Crowd groans!)

SMITH: “Donovan’s come out a house of fire with the big moves! He better have something left in the tank, because the Magic Man is surviving all this!”

MAYES: “James gets up, lifts Magick-O, and sends him for the ride! Donovan ducks, BAD MOVE! Magick-O with a SWIFT KICK to the face! Donovan dazed – SUPERKICK FLUSH TO THE MUSH! He just took Donovan’s head off!”

SMITH: “Finally the tricks are coming out of the bag!”

MAYES: “El Magick-O laying the boots into Donovan, trying to keep him down… Magick-O grabs and hooks him in and DOWN with a SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! Donovan rolling around trying to get to his feet, and gets to his knees, Magick-O off the ropes …SHINING WIZARD! Magick-O covers! ONE! TWO! ...NO! Donovan kicks out!”

SMITH: “Come on Magick-O, beat this scumbag!”

MAYES: “El Magick-O now locking in the arm bar, twisting it tight! Magick-O lifts Donovan to his feet, and DRIVES the shoulder into the arm, and ANOTHER. Kick to the gut – SINGLE ARM DDT! He could have dislocated Donovan’s shoulder! The cover! ONE! TWO! ...NO! Donovan kicks out!”

SMITH: “Magick-O’s trying to break off his self-pleasure arm – he’ll be left playing stranger for awhile after tonight!”

MAYES: “Whoa, Sir Simon! No need to tell everyone about YOUR love-making options! El Magick-O back on the arm, dropping a series of knees on it, and Donovan is howling in agony, trying to fight back to his feet. Slowly, Donovan is getting to his feet, and this crowd is trying to get him there! RIGHT HAND BY DONOVAN! ANOTHER RIGHT HAND! Magick-O trying to hold on, and he LOSES GRIP! Donovan off the ropes… GETS CAUGHT WITH AM ARM DRAG! Magick-O right back to the armbar!”

SMITH: “Keep it up, break his arm!”

MAYES: “You’re a sadist! Magick-O trying to keep Donovan grounded, but the Cowboy is getting back up! He’s to his feet, another series of rights, and he breaks the arm bar… Donovan off the ropesssss (Boos!) …HURRICURANA BY EL MAGICK-O! He follows up - locks in a CROSS ARM BREAKER on Donovan!”

SMITH: “TAP PRETTY BOY! TAP!”

MAYES: “Donovan’s thrashing on the mat! He’s trying to fight off the pain! (Crowd clapping, trying to cheer DONOVAN on!) Donovan now fighting it! He’s crawling towards the ropes… Magick-O trying to hold him back- (Pop!) NO! HE MAKES IT TO THE ROPES! The ref telling Magick-O to break the hold, giving him the five count, and Magick-O breaks at four! Donovan clutching his arm, and Magick-O laying the boots to the arm! He grabs it again, and LOCKS IN A CHICKEN WING! He’s trying to lock his hands together for a crossface – NO, GO BEHIND BY DONOVAN! (POP!) AND HE’S GOT THE CHICKEN WING ON EL MAGICK-O! OOOOOOOOOOooooh NOT FOR LONG! Magick-O DRIVES Donovan backwards into the corner, and both heads hit! They’re both down!”

SMITH: “What an unlucky break, El Magick-O had him dead to rights!”

MAYES: “What is your problem with Donovan?”

SMITH: “I don’t have to explain myself to you or to any of these scum in this crowd, Mayes. I just want to see this punk beaten!”

MAYES: “Both men slow to their feet, but El Magick-O beats Donovan up and tosses him into the corner! Couple punches, and he WHIPS HIM – NO, REVERSAL! Magick-O INTO THE CORNER! He stumbles out… HIGH BACK BODY DROP! Donovan’s basically fighting with one arm here! Magick-O slow to his feet… Donovan to the ropes and OFF WITH A BIG BOOT to the FACE! Magick-O DOWN, Donovan with the cover – ONE! TWO! …NO! Kickout!”

SMITH: “El Magick-O doesn’t go down as easily as the whores Donovan spends his night with!”

MAYES: “Donovan is up, (Crowd popping!) and he’s saying this one will be OVER! Magick-O gets to his feet – DONOVAN LIFTS HIM UP ON HIS SHOUL-NO! He’s couldn’t get him up, his arm is badly hurt! Magick-O with a HARD KICK to the back! Donovan keels back, Magick-O grabs the head INVERTED DDT!”

SMITH: “He’s got him!”

MAYES: “He covers! ONE! TWO! THRNO! (POP!) DONOVAN KICKS OUT!”

SMITH: “That was awful, he HAD him!”

MAYES: “El Magick-O up and he’s going for the chicken wing again – Donovan with the standing switch! He pushes Magick-O into the ropes, DONOVAN WITH THE ROLLUP! ONE! AND A BRIDGE! TWO! …THREEEEEEE! NO? (SFX: Bell ringing!, The rooms goes nuts!) YES! YES! THE REF SAYS HE GOT HIM! HE GOT HIM!

SMITH: “WHAT? WHAT THE HELL?”



(MUSIC UP: “Bat Country” – Avenged Sevenfold)



MAYES: “Donovan gets him out of NOWHERE with the rollup!”



JERRY HARWELL: “HERE IS YOUR WINNER, and the SECOND MAN ADVANCING TO THE FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH… (The crowd screams in horror!)”



MAYES: “WAIT! NO! DAMMIT! NO! EL MAGICK-O ALL OVER DONOVAN! (The music stops cold.) He’s hammering the bad arm! He’s got Donovan up (OOOOOOOOOOH!) SHOULDERBREAKER! OH WHAT IMPACT! He’s hooking Donovan in, and LIFTING HIM UP… wait a second! OH NO! STOP! He’s slid Donovan DOWN HIS BACK (Crowd groans!) DAMMIT! THE WORLD OF MIRRORS! DONOVAN IS OUT!!”

SMITH: “The scumbag deserves this!”

MAYES: “El Magick-O now leaving the ringside area, heading back up to the stage… what is he doing? He’s got a mic!”



(CUTTO: EL MAGICK-O on the stage!)



EL MAGICK-O: (spoken with grandeur) “I’m sorry folks, that the referee in the contest I was just in had to go and make the mistake as to grant my opponent victory, but I, El Magick-O, am not bitter and I’d never deny a crowd entertainment! So for my next trick, I shall saw my lovely assistant in half!”



(EL MAGICK-O goes off stage, through the curtain, and comes back out rolling out a box… with FABIOLA’s head sticking out the end, her feet sticking out the other end! FABIOLA is screaming in horror!)



MAYES (V/O): “Oh my God! It’s James Donovan’s favorite call-girl, Fabiola!”

SMITH (V/O): “Time for her to do a different sort of trick!”



EL MAGICK-O: “And so begins… my grand illusion!”



(EL MAGICK-O goes off stage, and comes back holding a saw! He proceeds to saw the middle of the box, and three strokes, a horrific spray of blood comes from the box! FABIOLA is screaming, and the crowd’s livid!)



MAYES (V/O): “WHAT IS HE DOING?”

SMITH (V/O): “It’s all part of the show!”



(EL MAGICK-O continues to saw, straining as he does! Blood continues to drain from the box and the saw blade! Finally, EL MAGICK-O gets the saw all the way through the box! FABIOLA’s eyes are closed and her head and feet are motionless, the crowd speechless! DONOVAN in the ring is rustling to his feet, and sees the horrific scene on the stage, and sees his FABIOLA in the box!)



EL MAGICK-O: “Hmmm… That went a little different in rehearsals. Anyhow! For my next trick… I shall… DISAPPEAR!”



(Smoke blasts from the floor of the stage, covering most of the scene! EL MAGICK-O can be clearly seen through the smoke though, walkng off the stage, wheeling off the box with FABIOLA in it!)



MAYES (V/O): “Did that really just happen? Did I see that? This crowd is silent in shock!”

SMITH (V/O): “They are in disbelief from the greatness of that magic show! Lance Burton, eat your heart out!”

MAYES (V/O): “It looks like El Magick-O may have CUT Fabiola’s heart out!”



(JAMES DONOVAN stumbles from the ring, heading towards the stage and the back, trying to give chase, his left arm hanging limp from his side!)



SMITH (V/O): “There’s your dead hooker now, James!”

MAYES (V/O): “You… I don’t know WHAT is happening! Hopefully we’ll get some answers after this commercial break!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)
 

Koby

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LVW Prelude - Segment 05

(FADEIN: JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH at the announce table.)



MAYES: “Welcome back to LVW, and Smith, I still can’t believe what El Magick-O did to that woman!”

SMITH: “She’s a high-end hooker, Mayes. They’re a dime a dozen in this city.”

MAYES: “But this wasn’t just any hooker, it was James Donovan’s… and I can’t believe I’m saying this, his personal hooker, Fabiola! El Magick-O had just been beat in the center of the ring by James Donovan-“

SMITH: “Fast count!”

MAYES: “-with a rollup, but then beatdown Donovan post-match and hit him with the World of Mirrors in a dastardly post-match attack before subjecting this crowd to that horrifying magic act! I’m being told we’re following James Donovan, who just won his way into the 4-Way World Title Match at Supershow on the Strip I, backstage!”



(CUTTO: Backstage area, a beaten-down, limping JAMES DONOVAN is slowly making his way through the hall, looking behind one door, finding nothing, then looking into a nook and getting air there as well.)



JAMES DONOVAN: “I’m gonna kill that cotton-pickin’…”



(DONOVAN opens another door, and his face turns white as a bed-sheet! The cameraman following him down swings around him and the open door to look into the room, and we find the magic box FABIOLA was in, carved clean in half, bloody red plasma ooze dripping off the sawed edges, leading to a pair of puddles on the floor!)



DONOVAN: “I’m… Fabiola, my blow[BEEP] queen. I…”



(DONOVAN knocks the camera guy off, and goes as fast as he can, hobbling heavily, on the hunt for trouble!)



(CUTTO: Ringside, back to MAYES and SMITH.)



MAYES: “I can’t believe what we just saw.”

SMITH: “Another dead hooker, another body in the desert, another day in Las Vegas, Mayes!”

MAYES: “You… DISGUST me.”

SMITH: “The Cowboy better forget about her, and worry about getting sewn up for the Supershow. No whore is worth not going into the World Title Match at 100 percent. El Magick-O put the trick… on the trick!”

MAYES: “I… folks, we’ll be back.”



(CRASH TO BREAK)
 

Koby

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LVW Prelude - Segment 06

(FADEIN: The ring, and inside is furniture! The centerpiece a ratty-looking old couch, a faded beige with faded-in floral design, laid out on it a down comforter and a pillow, and in front of it a rackety old coffee table, on it a variety of items, prominently a stack of various magazines, a cell phone, a microphone, and a Tivo remote!)



SMITH (V/O): “What’s this crappy furniture in the ring for?”

MAYES (V/O): “Welcome back fans of LVW, and coming up next, Sir Simon, is our new interview segment, Leisure Time!”

SMITH (V/O): “They brought this old, [BEEEEP] furniture out of that schmuck’s rented home?”

MAYES (V/O): “That schmuck, as you call him, being The Gentleman of Leisure.”

SMITH (V/O): “Does he have a name?”

MAYES (V/O): “Yes.”

SMITH (V/O): “What is it?”

MAYES (V/O): “The Gentleman of Leisure.”

SMITH (V/O): “Doh… shut it, Mayes. Where is this bum?”



JERRY HARWELL (standing at ringside): “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome at this time… The GENTLEMAN… of LEEEEEEEEEEI-SURRRRRRE!”



(MUSIC UP: “Pro” – Quarashi)



SMITH (V/O): “He even gets his own intro?”



(CUTTO: The stage, and out through the curtain comes what looks like a regular schmo off the street, but it is, indeed, THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE. The railbirds throw insults at THE GOL as he walks down the mini-ramp towards the ring, rocking his head to the music. THE GOL, wearing bed-head hair, an oversized white T, and the powder blue Denver Nuggets b-ball shorts, stops to check out a group of honeys, then shakes his head, and mouths “That’s not fair.” THE GOL hits the stairs – he’s only wearing ankle socks, no shoes – to the apron, climbs through the ropes. Hitting the couch, THE GOL unfurls the down comforter, plops himself down onto the couch, laying out so he faces the stage, and tucks himself in! THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE reaches over to the coffee table with his right hand, grabs the Tivo remote, and throws it onto himself. He then grabs the mic with his left, and puts it on himself as well as he adjusts to get comfortable, just right!)



MAYES (V/O): “Don’t you wish you could do your job lying down, SIR Simon?”

SMITH (V/O): “This bum may be the first guy in THIS city earning his paycheck lying on his back!”



THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE: “Well, I guess it’s time to get this thing started, huh? (The room is listless.) I see you people don’t know who I am. Can’t blame ya. Well, I am The Gentleman… of Leeeei-sure,.And this is my interview segment, Leisure Time. Easy way to make a buck, huh?”



(The crowd gets a bit more restless, some booing starts.)



“Hey, hey, hey… I know, I know, settle down, lemme fire up something to get you guys in the mood, alright? (Some rustling in the crowd, as THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE picks up his Tivo remote, and aims it at the TV screens on stage book-ending the curtain entrance, and starts pressing away - *ding*!)



MAYES (V/O): “What is he… he’s got his Tivo attached to the trons on stage?”



(*bwoop* goes the Tivo, and THE GOL gets to his “Now Playing” list, and off goes the Tivo *bwoop* *bwoop* *bwoop* as the crowd turns to the TV’s, now looking over THE GOL’s list of saved shows!)



THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE: “So what do you guys wanna watch? (The room starts to rustle up, as they see “PRESS YOUR LUCK”, “CARD SHARKS”, “THE BOONDOCKS”, and “THE SHIELD” along with a couple poker shows on the screen.) You wanna watch some old-school Press Your Luck, don’t you? (The drunks yell “YEAH!”, making THE GOL chuckle.)”



“Well tough [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]-holes, you ain’t watching a [BEEEP]ing thing. (BOOS!) Yeah, I knew you morons would give me heat for that. Now I got your attention, you drunk tourist idiots. (MORE BOOS!) Sweet, that should help me get a raise. I gots rent to pay, and I know they’ll just beep the cursing out.”



“So now that I’ve got you preppy mother[BEEEEP]ers… (THE GOL yawns.) …hm, excuse me, didn’t get my afternoon nap. Like I was about to say since I got y’all listening, it’s time for me to have my first guest here.”



“Anyway, this guy… I love his stuff. I’m a mark for him. I saw him punk out Wayne Newton (The boos start up!), then Seigfried & Roy? That was cool. I told the big man… we know who I’m really talkin’ about, but he said I gotta call him big man… writing my check that I’d interview this guy in a heartbeat.”



“Hold up, I always wanted to do this… (THE GOL shifts his butt backwards on the couch, lifting his back up until he’s kinda in a laying-seated position.) Alright, lemme do this… LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I INTRODUCE TO YOU, THE LAS VEGAS LEGEND KILLER (BOOS!), JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK HOUSE! Yeah, that worked.”



(MUSIC UP: “Blackjack” – Ray Charles)



“A let me tell you people… about this Blackjack game…

It’s caused me nothing but trouble… and I’m only myself to blame…

Hey Hey Heeeeeeeyyyyyy yeah…”



(CUTTO: The stage, and out comes JACK HOUSE to a round of boo-birds! JACK HOUSE, wearing his open white button-down shirt/white T/black pants dealer combo, stares at the crowd, moving the good eye, staring straight with the glass one! HOUSE scowls and strokes his wieldly beard and walks to the ring.)



THE GENTLEMEN OF LEISURE: “C’mon in Jack House, I got insurance, well not car insurance, but I hear what you’re saying.”



(JACK HOUSE gets into the ring and looks around, like a lion looking over its domain. THE GOL waves JACK HOUSE towards him, and HOUSE goes to stand by the couch, arms crossed, surveying the crowd. Meanwhile, THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE scoots his butt back down the couch, and puts his head back on the pillow!)



THE GOL: “So Jack, tell me, who’s next?” (THE GOL lifts his left arm into the air, putting the mic somewhere in the neighborhood of JACK HOUSE’s lips, THE GOL looking up at him cock-eyed, not wanting to lift his head off the pillow!)



JACK HOUSE: “Psh, I gots one thing to say before I get t’who’s next – ELVIS AARON PRESLEY (staring HARD into the camera lens) – you ROBBED the House! (The room cheers!) Punk-ass faker. You STOLE the black folk dance moves. You STOLE the black folk music. An’ you STOLE… MAH SHOT. MAH SHOT at bein’ the LVW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP. (The room pops!) EYE… ain’t done wit’ you by a LONGSHOT. You CHEATED the HOUSE… an’ yo’ time will come to PAY the HOUSE. (Boos at that!)”



“But I gots my EYE on one foo’ that I know still hangin’ ‘round here in Las Vegas, and that foo’ is GLADIATOR.” (Mixed reaction from the room.)



SMITH (V/O): “He’s… still here?”



JACK HOUSE: “Yah, I saw that ol’ bag o’bones come through here, come through MAH HOUSE, here on the las’ card, tryin’ to make himself a LEGEND once again, winnin’ another title. Well… (JACK laughs) …you weren’t no LEGEND in the FIRST PLACE. No LEGEND run ‘round havin’ t’win using PIANO WIRE, wearin’ a toga like some freak Caesar who done got tangled up with Liberace. (Crowd laughs at that.) No LEGEND wins titles by havin’ to CHEAT… like all you fools in this room, c’ming here, tryin’ t’make the big win in Vegas, but GOING HOME BROKE ASS.” (BOOS!)



THE GOL: “Aw man, I loved that.” (JACK HOUSE grabs the mic out of THE GOL’s hand, THE GOL blinking fast, stunned.)



JACK HOUSE: “Yeah? You’ll love this then – GLADIATOR, I’mma CALLIN’ YO ASS OUT! (The room marks out!) I’mma startin’ mah list of SO-CALLED WRESTLIN’ LEGENDS, and you boy, you’ll be THE FIRST… t’be dealt some BLACKJACK. (The crowd is rustling up about something!...) You’ll be t’first of all the ol’ folks wantin’ t’make a trip to Las Vegas, wantin’ to make a name one last tahm… (CUTTO: The crowd…)



SMITH (V/O): “OH [BEEEEEEP]!”

MAYES (V/O): “IT’S GLADIATOR! JACK HOUSE DOESN’T KNOW HE’S COMING!”



(CUTTO: The ring, JACK HOUSE looking around at the marking crowd, and catches GLADIATOR coming right at him with piano wire! The crowd goes nuts!)



MAYES: “WATCH OUT! GLADIATOR ON THE ATTACK! JACK HOUSE AND GLADIATOR ARE GOING TO TOWN ON EACH OTHER!”



(THE GENTLEMAN OF LEISURE quickly rolls off the couch onto the mat on all fours, gets up pronto, and bolts from the ring, JACK HOUSE and GLADIATOR trading punches!)



SMITH: “GET HIM OUT OF HERE!”

MAYES: “JACK HOUSE AND GLADIATOR – PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH! RIGHT! RIGHT! GLADIATOR GRABS HOUSE AND THROWS HIM INTO THE COUCH! HE’S GOING FOR THE PIANO WIRE!”

SMITH: “I don’t LIKE this!”

MAYES: “Gladiator going for the strangle – Jack House punches him! House pushes his way off the couch, he’s got Glad and THROWS HIM ONTO THE COFFEE TABLE! Jack House on top of Glad and he’s laying into him – GLAD PUSHES THE PIANO WIRE INTO JACK HOUSE’S NECK! HOUSE’S EYES ARE BULGING OUT OF HIS HEAD, HE’S BEING CHOKED OUT!”

SMITH: “His good eye and his bad eye! C’mon House, STOP THIS LUNATIC!”

MAYES: “Gladiator is pushing Jack House off the top of him, choking him with the piano wire! Look at House’s eyes… (Screams!) House FALLS OFF THE COFFEE TABLE, AND HAS HIS HANDS AROUND GLADIATOR’S THROAT! (Bell ringing off the hook!) I don’t think ANYONE is going to be coming out of that locker room to try and stop this carnage!”

SMITH: “We’ve got security!”

MAYES: “Mandalay Bay security is running to the ring! Five, six, EIGHT guys in black suits and earpieces, all in there TRYING TO STOP THIS CARNAGE! (Crowd jumping!) Security is separating Jack House and Gladiator (POP!) NO THEY CAN’T! JACK HOUSE AND GLADIATOR ARE ROLLING AROUND THE RING! MORE SECURITY IS COMING!”

SMITH: “I think I heard it on the loud-speaker! They’re coming from all corners of the casino!”

MAYES: “The black suits are FLOCKING the ring! Jack House and Gladiator are trying to choke the LIFE out of each other!”

SMITH: “C’mon Jack House, ONE TIME!”

MAYES: “This is CRAZY! (The room uncorks!) GLAD AND JACK ARE TOSSING SECURITY ALL OVER THE PLACE! FOLKS, THIS IS CRAZY, WE WILL TRY TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)
 

Koby

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LVW Prelude - Segment 07

(FADEIN: Inside the Mandalay Bay casino, a large group of security is hauling around JACK HOUSE, in restraints, and in the distance behind him is GLADIATOR, also being held onto by four rent-a-cop goons, as people in the casino playing their slots stop for a second to take a look at what’s going on. The first group with JACK HOUSE go through an unmarked door at the side of the casino, only seen ahead a long hallway going into the guts and underbelly of the Mandalay Bay.)



MAYES (V/O): “We’ve returned here at LVW, and as you can see, Jack House and Gladiator were finally taken over by Mandalay Bay security, and now they’re on their way to the back room!”

SMITH (V/O): “I hope they chop Gladiator’s hand off! He’ll never be able to choke anyone with his stupid piano wire ever again.”

MAYES (V/O): “I don’t think they do it anymore like they used to in the mobbed-up days, Sir Simon.”

SMITH (V/O): “Well they should!”



(CUTTO: The announce table at ringside.)



MAYES: “We’ll have more on that situation later on tonight, but right now we’ve got a match involving YOUR man, Jimmy Two Times, and HIS man, “The Inferno”, Carmine Esposito.”

SMITH: “They’re back to stick it to the man, Mayes. Carmine is right – he WAS robbed of his shot at the World Title. I even bet that if he hadn’t disappeared, he would’ve been the favorite to win it all!”

MAYES: “I don’t know about all that, but he was pretty stern about coming in here tonight and proving a point to the world.”

SMITH: “And he WILL. You see that jabronie in the ring?”



(CUTTO: The ring, ROMEO TRAVEN standing in the corner, loosening up for the match.)



MAYES (V/O): “I wouldn’t go that far, to call him a jabr-“

SMITH (V/O): “Nope, JOBBER. Pretty boy big oaf, apparently from Los Angeles, think he’s gonna come on in here and stop Carmine? I think not.”



(MUSIC UP: “New York, New York” – Frank Sinatra)



MAYES (V/O): “And here we go!”



(CUTTO: The stage, and walking FAST through the curtain is “The Inferno” CARMINE ESPOSITO! Forget what he’s wearing, as he’s tearing off his ring jacket, and tosses it to the floor, and dives into the ring, gold necklaces still on, JIMMY TWO TIMES comes out through the curtain, dressed in his 30s gangster finest, and stops on stage to look on – CARMINE ESPOSITO dives in on ROMEO TRAVEN, JERRY HARWELL escaping the ring!)



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



SMITH: “Get him, Carmine, KILL him!”

MAYES: “Carmine’s all over Romeo – what’s that on his right forearm?”

SMITH: “I don’t know, Mayes. He must’ve strained something with all the training he’s been doing lately.”

MAYES: “Esposito ROCKING Romeo’s world, and he WHIPS him innnnn… RUNNING KNEE LIFT! Traven BLASTED in the head, and he’s rocked back into the ropes, here comes CARMINE –“

SMITH: “BINGO!”

MAYES: “CARMINE OFF WITH THE FLYING FOREARM! NAILED Romeo Traven with whatever that is on his arm! (CARMINE lateral presses.) CESAR WITH THE COUNT! ONE. TWO. THREE! (SFX: Bell ringing!) This is OVER!”



(MUSIC UP: “New York, New York” – Frank Sinatra)



(ESPOSITO picks up ROMEO TRAVEN and angrily throws him over the top rope with a CRASH into the ringside railing! JIMMY TWO TIMES, up on the stage, is clapping for the performance!)



JERRY HARWELL: “THE WINNER OF THE MATCH… THE INFERNO, CAR-MINE ES-PO-SEE-TOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”



SMITH: “Now THAT’S a SQUADOOSH.”

MAYES: “Carmine Esposito, with a VENGENCE, and Jimmy Two Times is thrilled with what he sees.”

SMITH: “He sees what I see, Mayes. He sees dollar signs!”

MAYES: “And they need every last dollar they can get, seeing how far they are in the hole. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be BACK. Don’t you dare think about going away!”

SMITH: “At 2 in the morning? Who will?”



(CRASH TO BREAK)
 

Koby

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LVW Prelude - Segment 08

(FADEIN: JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH at the announce table!)



MAYES: “We’re back here on KCLV Channel 2 in the Valley with Las Vegas Wrestling! Sir Simon, we’ve had one hell of a show, and we have two big matches in the LVW World Championship Tournament to go!”

SMITH: “The Prelude is coming to an end, just like my good pal Jimmy Two Times and his man Carmine Esposito put an end to that jabronie’s career!”

MAYES: “You kill me sometimes, SIR Simon.”

SMITH: “As I do with the ladies!”

MAYES: “Yeah, right… ladies and gentlemen, we’re one week away from LVW’s very first Supershow on the Strip, coming to you LIVE on Closed Circuit Television throughout all MGM Hotel & Casinos, and right here in the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay, and Sir Simon, we have one hell of a lineup for this card!”



(MUSIC UP: “Man of Iron” – Bathory)



(CUTTO: Computer graphics on-screen, with “Supershow on the Strip I” splashed in cursive font, lit up in sparkling platinum and diamonds, across the screen against a backdrop of a helicopter-view of the Las Vegas Strip. The graphics scroll to the respective matches with the commentary.)



SMITH (V/O): “We got graphics?”

MAYES (V/O): “We sure do!”

SMITH (V/O): “I hope the big man in the back didn’t pay much for this hack job. It looks like something Web Browser made up!”

MAYES (V/O): “First, we’ve heard that the management of LVW has come to an agreement with the “Hard Hitter”, Ben Lerner, stemming from his complaint over the ending of his match with Web Browser last week, and that obviously manipulated footage he showed earlier.”

SMITH (V/O): “Bull, I was there! He did trip!”

MAYES (V/O): “You were barely alive during the whole broadcast, how would you know? Ben Lerner got a resolution favorable to him, and agreed to not take this case to court - at Supershow on the Strip I, he will get to face “Broadway” Johnny Doll, one on one, for the rights to be the first challenger for the LVW World Heavyweight Championship!”

SMITH (V/O): “Why have to beat up four people when he only needs to beat one to get his chance to make our first champ’s reign a short-lived one! The Hard Hitter, I tell you, he’s the best, and he’ll ship Johnny Doll back to Broadway broke!”

MAYES (V/O): “Then, following up on what transpired during that CRAZY brawl at Leisure Time, leading to both men being taken out in HANDCUFFS, Jack House gets his wish, and will take on the former World Heavyweight Champion, Gladiator!”

SMITH (V/O): “House better take that crazed nut out of here for good! I don’t want to see him anymore – Jack House better deal Glad some Blackjack, and make Glad what he truly is, a false legend indeed!”

MAYES (V/O): “Bitterness much, SIR Simon? That one is sure to be a war! We then have “The Inferno”, Carmine Esposito, going one on one with Living Dead!”

SMITH (V/O): “Carmine’s geared up and ready to make a run of revenge on this city, Mayes. You just watch, he’ll be the one eating Living Dead’s brains out!”

MAYES (V/O): “And then, the FIRST of TWO Championship Matches!”

SMITH (V/O): “Two?”

MAYES (V/O): “Yes, two! At the Supershow, we will also be crowning our first Las Vegas Champion!”



(CUTTO: Graphic of a gold and diamond-encrusted bracelet, with “LVW Las Vegas Champion” on the face-plate!)



SMITH (V/O): “A bracelet! Ha, genius!”

MAYES (V/O): “Only in Las Vegas, the Las Vegas Championship will be on the line in a special match – a Final Table Match!”

SMITH (V/O): “Final Table Match, what’s that?”



(CUTTO: Graphic of a spinning poker table, the Las Vegas Championship bracelet super-imposed under it.)



MAYES (V/O): “The rules of a Final Table Match take a minute to learn, and a lifetime to master… I can’t believe I just said that… the way to win this match is to put your opponent through not just any table, but a POKER TABLE, as sanctioned as such by the referee in charge!”

SMITH (V/O): “A poker table? What are we going to think up next? Who’s in this match?”

MAYES (V/O): “So far we have four wrestlers in line, including the 9-time World Series of Wrestling Champion, Bill Bellmoth, Jonathan Nash, the robbed El Gordo Grande (SMITH blows air into his headset) ...and debuting, Colt James, “The Man In Black”, with a couple more entrants sure to be announced!”

SMITH (V/O): “And then…”



(CUTTO: Graphic of HANS NOWAK and “Cowboy” JAMES DONOVAN posing in the middle, black shadows to either side of them.)



MAYES (V/O): “AND THEN, the 4-Way, 60-minute Ironman Match for the LVW World Heavyweight Championship, with two men winning their way in so far, Hans Nowak and “Cowboy” James Donovan.”

SMITH (V/O): “I’m sure Jimmy’s not going to give me any lines until we find out who the last two are, but I’ve got a feeling good money’s to be made on that dumb Polack Hans! You see the underground tapes of his wins in the U-62 World’s Strongest Man Competitions? The man’s a beast, has a hellcat at his side in Miss Ann, and he plays one hell of a game of speed-chess, proving he has the ability to go 60 minutes - somehow!”

MAYES (V/O): “We WILL have to see who still wins their way into the match. Our two entrants so far got in by the skin of their teeth, and James Donovan is the worse for wear taking a brutal beatdown, and then having El Magick-O disappear with Fabiola, possibly with her in pieces!”

SMITH (V/O): “Possibly? Didn’t you see the blood?”

MAYES (V/O): “Whatever.”

SMITH (V/O): “And when are we going to actually see the LVW World Heavyweight Championship belt? We got the bracelet, but not the belt?”

MAYES (V/O): “All I’ve been told is that there’s a TON of work being put into it, and that it’ll be a sight to see when it’s completed – a belt befitting of being one that belongs in the glitz and glammer of Las Vegas.”

SMITH (V/O): “Platinum?”

MAYES (V/O): “Even better.”

SMITH (V/O): “Good grief, we’re gonna get rich on $400 replicas, aren’t we?”

MAYES (V/O): “Time will tell. FOLKS, UP NEXT, the TWO REMAINING SEMI-FINAL MATCHES in the LVW World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – “The Last Goth Monster” Mitch Grey versus Web Browser, and after the commercial, Elvis Aaron Presley! Olvir Arsvinnar! Get ready for a battle!”

SMITH (V/O): “Viking porn!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)

 

Koby

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LVW Prelude - Segment 09

(MUSIC UP: “A Little Less Conversation (jxl remix)” – Elvis Presley)



(CUTTO: The stage, and out in his black and purple rhinestone jumpsuit is ELVIS AARON PRESLEY, to cheers from the House of Blues!)



MAYES (V/O): “Elvis is in the building! And we’re BACK here on LVW, as we’re getting ready for the final in the Spades Bracket!”

SMITH (V/O): “Elvis can swivel his hips all he wants, but he’s got a big test… a BIG test.”



(PRESLEY hits the ring, and starts rotating the right arm, playing the air guitar!)



MAYES (V/O): “Elvis Aaron Presley is going up against the new, biggest sensation to hit LVW, and he’s hit LVW with a storm!”



(MUSIC UP: “I Am a Viking” – Yngwie Malmsteen)



*BONG*



(The fans all jump to their feet, going nutty!)



(The heavy metal guitar riffs rip through the House of Blues as clouds of smoke billow up on the stage in front of the entryway!)



“I am a Viking! I’m going out to war! I’ve got death upon my miiiiiiiiiiind!”



(CUTTO: The curtain, and there he is! OLVIR ARSVINNAR is out with a power walk, and the room goes bonkers! ARSVINNAR waves his battle ax high, drinks the dripping ale from his mead horn, and screams! OLVIR pounds his big leather boots toward the ring, the ladies reaching for his wolf’s hide loin cloth, and his He-Man-esque leather straps! OLVIR jumps onto the apron, and polishes off his mead cup, then throws it into the crowd, causing a near riot! OLVIR grabs his Viking helmet, lifts it to the air with his battle ax, and screams again, the room still marking out!)



MAYES (V/O): “LISTEN to this crowd, Sir Simon!”

SMITH (V/O): “I can’t BELIEVE how loud this place is! I can’t hear myself talk!”

MAYES (V/O): “We take it up to Jerry Harwell!”



JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE FALL, and is the Finals of the Spades Bracket… (Cheers!) …with the winner advancing to the FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH at SUPERSHOW ON THE STRIP ONE! (Crowd pops!)”



“First, in the corner to my left (Cheers!) He hails from MEMPHIS, TEN-NE-SSEE! Weighing in at TWO hundred and twenty five pounds… here he is, ELVIS – AARON – PRESSSSSS-LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!” (The room gives him love!)



“And his OPPONENT! (The crowd gets LOUD!) HAILING from Saint Johns, Newfoundland, Canada! Weighing in at OVER three hundred pounds… he is the pornographic Viking, that’s really a VIKING… OL-VIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ARS-VI-NARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (The room goes bonkers again, OLVIR letting out a Viking roar!)



“Your referee is Joe Mercurio.”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “HERE WE GO! The winner to get his shot at the LVW World Title, and Olvir is in with the punches! He caught Elvis off-guard and WHIPS him in… Elvis ducks the big boot and rolls Olvir up! One! NO! Olvir powers out!”

SMITH: “Elvis clearly will have to win this match with speed and ring smarts, which is too bad for him because he clearly has neither!”

MAYES: “Says the gambling degenerate who can’t keep money in his pocket for longer than 24 hours! Quick to their feet, Elvis peppering Olvir with the rights, trying to get him down, Elvis off the ropesss- OLVIR RUNS HIM OVER! Elvis hits the mat HARD!

SMITH: “Elvis really didn’t have a plan for when the big man came charging back at him and he paid for it!”

MAYES: “Olvir scoops Elvis up, and slings him over his shoulder! Fireman’s carry… NO! Airplane spin!”

SMITH: “How can he do that move? Airplanes didn’t exist in his time!”

MAYES: “Olvir spinning, and he DROPS Elvis back onto his feet… Elvis doesn’t know where he is, Olvir winds up (BAM!) THE MJOLNIR BLOW! What a hammerblow to the face! Elvis may have been TKO’d – the cover, ONE! TWO! …NO! Elvis kicked out!

SMITH: “Now if that was Hans’ Polish Hammer, Elvis would have been out till next Tuesday!”

MAYES: “They may get a chance to test that out the way this match is going… Olvir gets Elvis to his feet, tosses him into the corner… Olvir coming in with a RUNNING HEAD OF STEAM… (OOOOOOOO!) VIKING SPLASH!”

SMITH: “Man, Elvis may wish he was as dead as the real thing after this match.”

MAYES: “Olvir scoops up the staggering Elvis and POWERSLAMS him! The cover! ONE! TWO! …NO! Elvis kicks out!”

SMITH: “Elvis needs a little less conversation, a little more offense please!”

MAYES: “Olvir plucks Elvis off the mat, and he hits the ropes – BIG BOOT MISSES! Elvis sidesteps and Olvir CROTCHED HIMSELF ON THE TOP ROPE! (Crowd groans!) OH MY! ELVIS KICKED THE ROPE! THAT CROSSED OLVIR’S EYES!”

SMITH: “And I’m sure his producer is currently calling Ben Lerner about a potential lawsuit due to loss of income!”

MAYES: “Olvir crumples to the mat in a heap, Elvis covers! ONE! ...TWO! ...NO! Olvir kicks out!”

SMITH: “With his other career now in peril Olvir BETTER be fighting for all he’s worth in the ring!”

MAYES: “You care way too much about male porn stars, I have to tell you it’s getting creepy, and yes I know about the shrine to Ron Jeremy in your dressing room, SIR Simon! Elvis now stands up Olvir and a BIG DROPKICK by Elvis floors the Viking.”

SMITH: “Who told you about that? Heads are gonna roll over this!”

MAYES: “Elvis now up to the second rope, shaking his hips… “TCB!” yells Elvis! LEGDROP OFF THE SECOND ROPE!”

SMITH: “He’s taking care of business!”

MAYES: “The cover! ONE! ...TWO! ...NO! Olvir kicks out again! Elvis gives the ref a look and now sinks in a chinlock!”

SMITH: “Olvir needs to be ground down here, and taken out on the mat.”

MAYES: “Olvir getting back to his feet, in with an elbow to the gut, and another, and he breaks the hold. Olvir with a right! Grabs Elvis and sends him for the ride… ELVIS RETURNS WITH A SPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE! He’s FLOORED Olvir! ONE! TWO! …NO! OLVIR KICKS OUT!”

SMITH: “He’s got to do better than that!”

MAYES: “Elvis nearly broke Olvir in half, and now he’s flipped the big man over, and HE SLAPS ON THE BLUE SUEDE ANKLELOCK!”

SMITH: “He’s gonna rip off Olvir’s shoe AND break his ankle!”

MAYES: “Olvir needs to get to the ropes! Elvis has him sunk in in the middle of the ring, but Olvir is fighting! (The room cheering him on!) Olvir… he’s PULLING Elvis with him to the ropes! Elvis is trying to stop sliding but he can’t! Olvir with another pull, and HE GETS THE ROPES!”

SMITH: “Amazing!”

MAYES: “Elvis back on the ankle, and puts the Blue Suede on again! NO! Olvir rolls through and flips Elvis to the mat! Both men getting up, and Elvis IN with the right hand, and sends Olvir to the ropes… they both bounce off… DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! BOTH MEN DOWN!”

SMITH: “They’re close to each other, one just needs to roll over on the other, Mayes!”

MAYES: “And Elvis DOES just that! An arm on Olvir’s chest – ONE! TWO! …NO! Olvir shoots the shoulder up just in time! Both men… struggling to their feet, Olvir with the KNEE! He sends Elvis to the ropes… BIG BACK BODY DROP! OLVIR JUST LAUNCHED HIM!”

SMITH: “He looked like one of Barry Bonds’ steroid fueled home run balls there!”

MAYES: “Elvis quickly up… (The room goes nuts!) OLVIR HAS ELVIS UP, AND HE’S PRESSING HIM! And DOWN WITH THE SLAM! THIS COULD BE IT! OLVIR COVERS! ONE!...TWO!...NO! ELVIS KICKS OUT!”

SMITH: “That was close!”

MAYES: “Olvir… where’s he going? Olvir is going TO THE OUTSIDE!”

SMITH: “What is he crazy? Oh wait, HE IS!”

MAYES: “Olvir scaling the ropes! He’s eyeing Elvis… and he FLIIIIEEEES! (SFX: CRASH!)

SMITH: “AND THE POOL IS EMPTY!”

MAYES: “Elvis ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Olvir WHIFFS with BIG TIME IMPACT! Elvis rolls back over and hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! ...THREE! (POP!) NO! NO! OLVIR KICKED OUT!”

SMITH: “Unbelievable!”

MAYES: “Elvis to his feet, and he feels he’s got a chance to put this away! He drags Olvir up to his feet… DROPS HIM with a JAWBREAKER! Olvir grabbing his jaw, the pain shooting through his teeth! Elvis grabs Olvir from behind… HOLY COW! GERMAN SUPLEX AND A BRIDGE! ONE! TWO! (Crowd screams!) ...NOOOOOOOOOoooooo! OLVIR KICKED OUT!”

SMITH: “He’s doing everything he can to put the Porn Viking away short of-“

MAYES: “Don’t you go where I think you’re going! Elvis gets Olvir to his feet and he’s LAYING the punches into him, pushing him back into the corner – BIG SHOULDER into the gut. He grabs an arm… SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE OUTTA THE CORNER! The big man is DOWN!”

SMITH: “Time to finish things here!”

MAYES: “Elvis is going to the outside, and it may be time for The Flying Pelvis! Elvis climbing the ropes-“

SMITH: “Olvir won’t stay down!”

MAYES: “Olvir’s getting to his feet! Elvis up top, and now he’s waiting for the big man to turn around… ELVIS WITH THE FLYING CROSSBODY (POP!) WAITNO! OLVIR CATCHES HIM! HE CAUGHT HIM!”

SMITH: “OH MY GOD!”

MAYES: “OLVIR HAS HI… HE’S LIFTING HIM UP! He’s strong-arming Elvis up… HE HAS HIM BY THE LEGS HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD! OH MY! (SFX: CRASH! The room explodes!) NORDICBOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB! NORDICBOMB!”

SMITH: “That was Elvis’ last ride!”

MAYES: “THE COVER! (Fans counting along!) ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (SFX: Bell ringing, the crowd marking the hell out!)”



(MUSIC UP: “I Am a Viking” – Yngwie Malmsteen)



JERRY HARWELL: “HERE IS YOUR WINNER, and the THIRD MAN ADVANCING TO THE FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH… OL-VIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ARS-VI-NARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”



(OLVIR storms around the ring, and the House of Blues continues to scream for him!)



MAYES: “What an UNBELEIVABLE performance by Olvir Arsvinnar!”

SMITH: “I need earplugs, Mayes!”

MAYES: “Olvir with a HUGE WIN over Elvis Aaron Presley, and now he’s in line for the 4-Way Ironman Match for the LVW World Heavyweight Championship!”

SMITH: “What’s the Viking doing?”



(OLVIR ARSVINNAR at ringside reaches into the crowd, and snatches a young blond hottie wearing a viking hat of her own, and pulls her out, slinging her over his shoulder, her hat dropping to the floor! The girl’s stunned, and OLVIR is carrying his new mate off to the locker room to the crowd’s loud approval!)



MAYES: “Olvir is off to CELEBRATE! Olvir will be heading in with HUGE momentum into the World Title match at Supershow On The Strip One!”

SMITH: “Not as huge as Hans! He did tear apart El Gordo Grande!”

MAYES: “Stop it, SIR Simon! Folks, we’ll be right back, with out MAIN EVENT!”



(CRASH TO BREAK)
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
LVW Prelude - Segment 10

(MUSIC UP: “Tear You Apart” – She Wants Revenge)



(FADEIN: Blue screen, flashy lights bordering all around, House of Blues logo in the middle, with date, time, and lots of 411.)



MAYES (V/O): “People in the Valley, come join us here at the House of Blues for some Las Vegas Wrestling action! Get your tickets now for our next show by hitting us up on the website listed, by calling 1-702-555-2525, or by showing up at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay here on the Las Vegas STRIP!”



“Tickets for Supershow On The Strip One are SOLD OUT! But don’t let that stop you from ordering tickets to our NEXT event for all the Supershow fallout, including the first appearance by the NEW LVW World Heavyweight Champion! JOIN US EL VEE DOUBLE-U …taking it, to the OBSCENE!”



(FADEOUT TO BLACK)







(FADEIN: Black and White front-yard shot of the new Full Tilt Poker house, made up of glass window caricatures of playing-card suits! The doorbell rings!)



(CUTTO: Inside the house, where a poker game is going on. ERICK LINDGREN leaves his seat at the table to get the door.

CUTTO: The double doors, ERICK LINDGREN opens them.

CUTTO: The man at the door, BILL BELLMOTH, in his “BB” gear, holding two playing cards.)



BILL BELLMOTH: “Hey Erick, is it too late, I’ve GOT a QUESTION.”

ERICK LINDGREN: “Naw, it’s not too late, come on in.”



(CUTTO: Closeup of BELLMOTH’s cards – The Ace of Diamonds and Queen of Diamonds.)



BILL BELLMOTH: “What do you think? (LINDGREN sees the cards.) I raise from middle position for three and a half times the big blind, and then this INTERNET qualifying donkey, who’s been holding over me, pushes all-in for all my chips! Should I lay this down?”



(CUTTO: MIKE MATUSOW standing up from the poker game.

CUTTO: LINDGREN looking at BELLMOTH quizzically.)



LINDGREN: “He’s been holding over you the whole time?”



(MATUSOW gets to the door.)



BELLMOTH: “Kinda, hey Mike, what do you think?”



(MATUSOW looks at the cards, then at BELLMOTH, then at the cards again, then at BELLMOTH again, then at the cards again, and plucks them out of BELLMOTH’s hand!)



MIKE MATUSOW: “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re worried about calling with THIS? (MATUSOW rips the cards, then leaves the scene) YOU WEAK-TIGHT DONKEY! YOU HAVE NO BALLS!”



ERICK LINDGREN: (Nodding.) “Yeah, he’s… he’s got it right. You should’ve called.”



BILL BELLMOTH: (incredulously) “HEY! I’m BILL BELLMOTH, and I’m a NIIIIINE-TIME WORLD SERIES OF WRESTLING CHAMPION, PALLLLL! I’ll teach you a thing or two about winning! And Erick, no THANKS to YOU either, buddy!”



(BELLMOTH storms off.)



(CUTTO: Wide canned shot of all the FullTiltPoker.Net pros standing in the front yard of the Full Tilt Poker house.)



MATUSOW (V/O): “To learn, chat, and play with the Pros, go where they live. Full Tilt Poker Dot Net, now available on Mac.”



(BLACK)
 

Koby

League Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2005
Messages
123
Points
0
LVW Prelude - Segment 11

(MUSIC UP: “Paint It Black” – The Unseen)



(CUTTO: The stage, out flying out through the curtain comes “The Last Goth Monster” MITCH GREY! GREY sprints for the ring and dives right in, jumping quickly to his feet, the crowd giving him some heat! GREY, in his Misfits T and bluejean shorts, looks at the crowd through the black face paint circling his eyes, grimacing.)



MAYES (V/O): “And we’re ready for the Main Event of the evening!”

SMITH (V/O): “You sure? The paper isn’t a lackey screw-up? How the hell is Web Browser in the Main Event?”

MAYES (V/O): “Hey, Browser has earned this spot, SIR Simon, and he has a shot at getting into the Main Event at the Supershow!”

SMITH (V/O): “No way. Mitch Grey’s been strong, and he’s going to continue that tonight, Mayes. I see him obliterating the Browser!”



(MUSIC UP: “It’s All About the Pentiums” – Weird Al)



“It’s (crowd chants along!) all about the Pentiums, baby!”



MAYES (V/O): “Listen to this crowd!”

SMITH (V/O): “They need to stop letting the hobos in!”



(CUTTO: The curtain, and peeking out from behind it, then slowly creeping out into the open is WEB BROWSER! He plays with the buttons on his ripped button-down dress shirt, eyes bugged out, delirious from the reaction! WEB BROWSER slowly saunters towards the ring, a fan slapping him in the back, stunning BROWSER and causing him to jump!)



MAYES (V/O): “This crowd is going crazy for Browser!”

SMITH (V/O): “These idiots will cheer anyone! There’s a reason we put Bush back in office, and you’re looking at it right here! Look at this morons cheering some homeless nerd like he’s some hero.”

MAYES (V/O): “You, an addicted gambler who’ll most likely die penniless on the street, have NO right to look down your nose at anyone.”

SMITH (V/O): “35 black will NEVER betray me, once this is over I’ll be back at the sweet, sweet roulette table!”

MAYES (V/O): “You’re meds are wearing off, aren’t they?”



JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE FALL, and is the MAIN EVENT of the evening! (Pop!) And is the Finals of the Hearts Bracket… (Cheers!) …with the winner advancing to the FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH at SUPERSHOW ON THE STRIP ONE! (Crowd pops!)”



“FIRST, in the corner to my left… he hails from Boston, Massachusetts! (Some boos!) Weighing in at TWO hundred and FORTY-FIVE pounds… he is the LAST GOTH MONSTER… MIIIIIIIITCH GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! (The room is a mix of louder boos than cheers! GREY is staring daggers into WEB BROWSER.)



“And his OPPONENT! (Pop!) He hails from… (HARWELL looks at the cue card funny, shaking his head in disbelief) …hailing… FROM THE MEN’S BATHROOM AT THE HAWAIIAN MARKETPLACE! (The crowd laughs loud and cheers!) He weighs in at TWO hundred and fifty pounds… here he is… THE WEEEEEEB BRRRRRRROW-SERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (Crowd pops, BROWSER is stunned by the reaction still!)



“Your referee is Cesar Martinez.”



(SFX: Bell ringing!)



MAYES: “And HERE WE GO! These two have had STRONG words for each other all week, and we expect this one to be a donnybrook! They lock up! Grey with the side headlock, Browser shoves him to the ropes, Grey comes off, Browser drops, Grey to the other side, Browser LEAPFROG? (Crowd laughs!) That… didn’t work out and Grey catches him with a SPINEBUSTER!”

SMITH: “Browser showing off his impressive 6 inch vertical leap there!”

MAYES: “Grey pulls Browser up… HARD right hand straight to he jaw! ANOTHER. Browser fighting back! STIFF shot to the mush! A second! Grey! Browser! Grey! Browser! This is turning into a boxing prize fight!”

SMITH: “You can say that again! I think they are REALLY going at it!”

MAYES: “Browser gets control and a HARD RIGHT takes Grey to the mat, and he rolls out to the floor! Look at Mitch Grey, he’s got a cut near his right eye!

SMITH: “And that’s from rolling two three’s to get a six…”

MAYES: “What, English please?”

SMITH: “Hardway!”

MAYES: “Right… Browser leans over the top ropes and pulls Grey back onto the apron… Grey with a right hand! And another! Grey on the apron, grabs the head… DRIVES it into the turnbuckle! Browser doesn’t know where he is… BIG FOREARM by Mitch Grey!

SMITH: “Did I just see a tooth fly out of Browser’s mouth?”

MAYES: “Grey stomping the HARD boots into Browser, trying to give him black and blues. Grey pulls Browser off the mat and THROWS him into the corner (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOO!) (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!) (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) THREE LOUD HARD CHOPS, and Browser’s holding onto his chest! It must be beet red!”

SMITH: “He deserves it! I think he was harassing me for change on the land bridge between Excalibur and New York, New York last night, screw Web Browser!”

MAYES: “Snap mare takeover by Mitch Grey (LOUD smack!) OOOOH! BIG KICK to the BACK by Grey! He backs up into the corner… ROLLING NECK SNAP!”

SMITH: “Now that’s perfect!”

MAYES: “Grey covers! ONE! ...TWO! …NO! Browser kicks out! Grey pulls up Browser and POPS him with a right hand! He hooks Browser …SNAP SUPLEX!”

SMITH: “He’s beating the hell out of this bum, Mayes, and, well he needs to keep going ‘til he retires the piece of trash!”

MAYES: “Grey back up, giving the crowd some lip! They’re not liking what he’s doing to their new cult hero. Grey bounces off the ropes and down with an elbow to the chest. Up and off the ropes again, winding up… BIG elbow drop, and a cover – ONE! TWO-NO! Browser kicks out!”

SMITH: “Keep pounding away, Mitch Grey!”

MAYES: “Grey doing just that, repeatedly pounding Browser in the face with right hands. He scoops up Browser …BACKBREAKER! And now he’s bending Browser over his knee, Grey trying to break Browser in half.”

SMITH: “Fry this moron’s motherboard, and by motherboard, I mean spine!”

MAYES: “Browser fighting to get free, trying to throw punches at Mitch Grey… Grey drops him to the mat and STOMPS on Browser! Grey’s yelling “That it!”

SMITH: “Time for the [BEEEP]-hole Slam!”

MAYES: “Grey peels up Browser, and SENDS HIM IN…. (POP!) THESZ PRESS BY WEB BROWSER! BROWSERING HAMMERING HIM WITH THE FIST A CUFFS!”

SMITH: “Where the hell did that come from!”

MAYES: “Browser beating the hell out of Grey! Browser’s up and he looks LIVID! He’s begging Grey to get up …and he SLAMS him down! Grey up again …ANOTHER SLAM! Grey up a third time, and Browser off the ropes …STIFF CLOTHESLINE!”

SMITH: “Can he throw any other kind of clothesline?”

MAYES: “Grey rolls to the floor and Browser is following him out! Browser peppering the right hands to Mitch Grey’s face!”

SMITH: “Last time I heard about somebody being peppered it was that guy Cheney shot, and well, being in the ring with Browser is more than likely WORSE for your health than that!”

MAYES: “Grey trying to get away from Browser, who’s slowly chasing after him… BIG ELBOW to the face of Browser! Browser just dropped like he was shot! I think he’s bleeding!”

SMITH: “I think Grey decided to pay back the King of Stiff in full.”

MAYES: “Both men are bleeding now. Grey picks up Browser and DUMPS him THROAT FIRST on the railing! Browser thrashing around, grabbing his throat, SLAMMED face first off the mat. Grey pushes Browser into the ring, follows him in, and slaps on the rear headlock, GRINDING it in!”

SMITH: “Lean forward and cut off his air, put him out!”

MAYES: “Browser is trying to fight his way to his feet… and he’s up! And an elbow to the solarplexes! A second! Mitch Grey is losing the grip, and a third gets Grey to break it! Browser with jabs to the face! Browser hits the ropes, shoulderblock floors Mitch Grey! Grey quick to his feet, Browser hooks him, SUPLEX!”

SMITH: “Smell the moveset!”

MAYES: “Browser drops a leg… and now he’s going to the top!”

SMITH: “It hasn’t been a good place to go tonight!”

MAYES: “Browser… gets to the top… he looks shaky up there! (OOOOOOH!) MISSES WITH THE ELBOW DROP! NOBODY HOME!”

SMITH: “I told you!”

MAYES: “Browser and Grey both down, Grey coming to his senses, and is up stomping Browser. Grey lifts him and nails him with an elbow, and tosses him into the corner! Grey charges in… BIG FOOT BY BROWSER! Grey got NAILED!”

SMITH: “What a fluke!”

MAYES: “Grey on dream street - ANOTHER STIFF CLOTHESLINE drops Grey! Browser on top of Grey and he’s hooking in a Camel Clutch! Browser wrenching back, trying to get Grey to submit!”

SMITH: “That would be a disgrace, no way Grey taps out here!”

MAYES: “Grey is fighting it off and gets onto his knees… Browser breaks it and STOMPS Grey in the back. Grey woozy getting up (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) Browser returning the favor! (SFX: CHOP! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) Again! Browser has Grey by the throat… lifts him UP… and just DROPS Grey with a modified chokeslam!”

SMITH: “He just threw Grey to the ground, he has no idea what he’s doing Mayes, just admit it!”

MAYES: “Whatever it was it worked! Grey is hurt, and Browser may be going for the finish here… Browser gets Grey to his feet and WHIPS HIM into the ropes… NO! REVERSAL! Browser to the ropes… (BAM!) [BEEP]-HOLE SLAM! [BEEP]-HOLE SLAM! GREY JUST HIT IT!”

SMITH: “YES! YES! COVER HIM!”

MAYES: “But he can’t! Grey is still feeling the effects of the beating he’s taken! Grey’s rolling around the ring… he’s rolling AWAY from Browser, Cesar’s count up to five!”

SMITH: “No you idiot, roll the other way! The OTHER way!”

MAYES: “Grey’s apparently hearing you! He’s rolling over towards Browser - and the cover! ONE! …TWO! ...THREEEEE (POP!) NO! NO! NO! BROWSER KICKED OUT!”

SMITH: “I don’t believe it!”

MAYES: “Grey’s slow to his feet, and he’s yelling for another [BEEP]-hole Slam! Grey whips Browser INTO THE ROPES – REVERSAL – (POP!) SAFE MODE! SAFE MODE! BROWSER HAS THE SLEEPER ON GREY!”

SMITH: “How can this be happening?”

MAYES: “Grey is fading! (crowd buzzing, starts booing!) WAIT… What the HELL? William Simmons limping out here with his neckbrace and all, and is trying to get the ref’s attention! Browser sees him and drops Grey! He’s going for Simmons! Oh NO… NO… HERE COMES BEN LERNER WITH HIS BRIEFCASE!”

SMITH: “The Hard Hitter means business!”

MAYES: “Lerner’s in the ring! Simmons has the ref tied up! Lerner going to hit Browser with that briefcase (POP!)…NO! BROWSER CATCHES HIM WITH A KICK TO THE GUT! BROWSER HAMMERING LERNER! OOOOOH KNEE TO THE BACK BY MITCH GREY! WILL THE DAMN REF TURN AROUND!”

SMITH: “Lerner taught Simmons how to argue, he’ll have the ref tied up in knots for a week!”

MAYES: “Grey has Browser in a full nelson! Lerner’s got the briefcase and SWINGING (Crowd explodes!) BROWSER DUCKED! LERNER BLASTED GREY! LERNER BLASTED MITCH GREY!”

SMITH: “NO!”

MAYES: “Browser with the kick – DEE-DEE-TEE ON BEN LERNER! LERNER FLOPS TO THE FLOOR! Browser getting rid of the evidence, rushing over (POP!) POPS WILLIAM SIMMONS IN THE FACE! WEB BROWSER COVERS MITCH GREY! CESAR COUNTING! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (SFX: Bell ringing!) HE GOT HIM! HE GOT HIM!”

SMITH: “NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOO!”



(MUSIC UP: “It’s All About the Pentiums” – Weird Al)



“It’s (crowd chants along!) all about the Pentiums, baby!”



JERRY HARWELL: “HERE IS YOUR WINNER, and the LAST MAN ADVANCING TO THE FOUR-WAY IRONMAN MATCH… WEB BROOOOOOOOWWWWWWW-SERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”



MAYES: “Web Browser has DONE IT! He’s headed to the Supershow to wrestle for the World Championship! (SFX: Bell ringing more!) NO! BEN LERNER BACK IN THE RING AND HE’S ALL OVER WEB BROWSER! THIS IS UNCALLED FOR!”

SMITH: “No, it’s MANDATED! Cripple him!”

MAYES: “Lerner hammering away – (POP!) WAIT GREY IS ALL OVER LERNER! LERNER COST HIM HIS SHOT AT THE WORLD TITLE! GREY WITH THE RIGHT HANDS! Lerner staggerinnnnggggggg… GREY WITH A CLOTHESLINE THAT SENDS BOTH MEN TO THE FLOOR!”



(The room goes ape!)



SMITH: “Look who’s here!”



(CUTTO: The aisle, a pissed-off HANS NOWAK, spitting mad!)



MAYES: “IT’S HANS! Hans has hit the ring, and he’s all over Web Browser! AND WEB BROWSER IS FIGHTING BACK! Both men going at it! STIFF rights and left! They hit the mat!”



(The room explodes!)



SMITH: “INCOMING!”



(CUTTO: OLVIR ARSVINNAR stomping down the aisle into the ring!)



MAYES: “OLVIR ARSVINNAR! In the ring and HE’S GOT AHOLD OF HANS! Olvir clubbing Hans! Hans is losing footing! Web Browser off the mat, and he links hands with Olvir… (POP!) DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE ON HANS!”



(The room goes nuts once more!)



SMITH: “The Cowboy is coming!”



(JAMES DONOVAN limping towards the ring as quick as he can!)



MAYES: “Donovan’s hitting the ring! We’re having a donnybrook! This is the Final 4 right here! Donovan in – NO! Beaten to the punch by Olvir! Hans back up and IN with a double-ax on Browser! Hans coming in on Donovan… WAITASECOND! WAITASECOND! OLVIR AND HANS BOTH HAVE DONOVAN BY THE NEEEEEECK! (SFX: CRASH!) DOUBLE CHOKESLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMM!”



“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!



SMITH: “Take that you big perv!”

MAYES: “Donovan is OUT! Browser, Olvir and Hans are all going at it! This is INSANE! THE FINAL 4! IRONMAN MATCH! SUPERSHOW ON THE STRIP ONE! WHO WILL SURVIVE AND WALK OUT THE LVW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION?”

SMITH: “Keep beating on Donovan!”

MAYES: “BE THERE, LIVE ON CLOSED CIRCUIT TV!”



(DONOVAN tries to pull himself up by the ropes, the other three still brawling… OLVIR staggers HANS with a BIG BOOT to the face!)



(BLACK)
 

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