(COLD OPEN: Inside the rocking House of Blues at Mandalay Bay! Strobe lights beam throughout the room from the LVW “Welcome to Las Vegas”-style logo on top of the entranceway up on the stage, flashing all colors of the rainbow, and the place is a mad house!)
“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”
(The cameras zoom through the crazy, hopping crowd! To the tuxedo-wearing regulars in the front row, beers in hand, screaming and throwing their arms into the lens; to a whole bevy of hotties in clubwear, half wearing cowboy hats, the other wearing Viking helmets; to a small group of Elvis impersonators all doing the curled lip and point as the lens hits them; up to the rafters, and the Mexicans waving their home country flag high and proud; to a “WEB BROWSER WILL CONTROL-ALT-DELETE YOU” sign; back up to the rafters with fratboys screaming, back with their “HANS ATTACK!” banner; down scanning to the floor; suits, hobos, tourists, the elite, drunks, degenerates, they’re all here!)
(CUTTO: The middle of the “FULLTILTPOKER.NET” ring, standing in his finest threads is JEFF MAYES, hair slicked back, mustache freshly waxed, smiling from ear to ear, but not as big as the man standing next to him, SIR SIMON SMITH, who’s looking like a million bucks, fresh off the assembly line, letting out a maniacal laugh! MAYES throws his arms in the air, revving up the House of Blues!)
JEFF MAYES: “WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-COME TO THE BALLYHOO! (POP!) WE ARE HERE… AT LAS! VEGAS! WRESTLING!”
“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”
MAYES: “We are here at the PRELUDE… to the BIGGEST show in Las Vegas Wrestling history! (Pop!) I’m Jeff Mayes, and STANDING here beside me-“
SMITH: “Be quiet, Mayes. I can speak for myself! (Boos!) And YOU BE QUIET TOO! (Louder boos!) You are all in the presence of roulette royalty!”
MAYES: “Not again with this, SIR Simon.”
SMITH: “Didn’t I say be quiet! (More boos!) You may have been able to talk down to me at the LAST show, but not this time! Not to a man laden with cold, hard cash!”
MAYES: “Which as we all know, you’ll go out and piss away yet again!”
SMITH: “Not THIS time, Mayes! It’s all about the 35 black, the nine-square around 20, and betting BIG on the other color when the board’s shown red hit more than five times straight!”
MAYES: “But, they say that each roll is indepen-“
SMITH: “They say gibberish! That’s why they have to write books to try and scrap together a couple dollars, while I earn all the loot at the tables!”
MAYES: “Enough with your adventures, because LVW is on a ride towards the biggest adventure in wrestling history here in the Valley, and that is Supershow on the Strip I! (Cheers!)”
SMITH: “Go on Mayes, tell them the menu.” (MAYES gives SMITH a glance)
MAYES: “TONIGHT, we find out the four finalists who will do battle to become the FIRST EVER LVW World Heavyweight Champion! (POP!) All eight remaining combatants have been at each others’ throats this week, Sir Simon, and they’re ready to go for the kill!”
SMITH: “It won’t be pretty in this ring, I’ll tell you that! The plasma centers are at the ready, ‘cause after tonight, someone will need a blood transfusion!”
MAYES: “And we also find out who will be the FIRST man to FACE the new World Champion, in a 5-Way Match for the first World Title shot!”
SMITH: “Don’t forget about my good friend, Carmine Esposito, Smith! Like me, him and Jimmy Two Times… they’re blazing the revenge trail on all you doubters!”
MAYES: “Plus, the premier of The Gentleman of Leisure’s… talk show, Leisure Time! With his very first guest, the Las Vegas Legend Killer, Jack House!”
SMITH: “I won my barrels of cash straight-up, so the House has no problem with me, but this new goof we hired WILL.”
MAYES: “FOUR semi-final matches in the LVW World Championship Tournament – FOUR winners, FOUR men gaining a shot to be the first to be called LVW World Champion – all that coming at you RIGHT NOW!” (The room whoops it up!)
SMITH: “Order me Two Shots of Happy!”
“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”
(MUSIC UP: “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad (Hot Nugget Remix) – Matt Dusk)
(CUTTO: Slow swooping helicopter shots of the Las Vegas skyline! From the Stratosphere tower, to the east to the Wynn, shooting straight south to Caesar’s Palace, circling all around to point to the south past the Paris Eiffel Tower and the Bellagio…)
V/O: “TONIGHT, we bring you PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING as it’s never been DONE BEFORE… IN THE CITY OF SIN!”
“I’M JUST A SINGER…. SOME SAY A SINNERRRRRRRRRR…
ROLLLLLLLLIN’ THE DIIIIIIIIIIICE… NOT ALWAYS A WINNER.”
(…The helicopter zooms in on the broadside of the MANDALAY BAY)
V/O: “Coming to you from the HOUSE OF BLUES at MANDALAY BAY, get ready for the glitz, the glammer, and the gore! Get ready for LAS! VEGAS! WRRRRRRRRESTLINNNNNNNG!”
(Soft FADEOUT to commercial)
“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”
(The cameras zoom through the crazy, hopping crowd! To the tuxedo-wearing regulars in the front row, beers in hand, screaming and throwing their arms into the lens; to a whole bevy of hotties in clubwear, half wearing cowboy hats, the other wearing Viking helmets; to a small group of Elvis impersonators all doing the curled lip and point as the lens hits them; up to the rafters, and the Mexicans waving their home country flag high and proud; to a “WEB BROWSER WILL CONTROL-ALT-DELETE YOU” sign; back up to the rafters with fratboys screaming, back with their “HANS ATTACK!” banner; down scanning to the floor; suits, hobos, tourists, the elite, drunks, degenerates, they’re all here!)
(CUTTO: The middle of the “FULLTILTPOKER.NET” ring, standing in his finest threads is JEFF MAYES, hair slicked back, mustache freshly waxed, smiling from ear to ear, but not as big as the man standing next to him, SIR SIMON SMITH, who’s looking like a million bucks, fresh off the assembly line, letting out a maniacal laugh! MAYES throws his arms in the air, revving up the House of Blues!)
JEFF MAYES: “WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-COME TO THE BALLYHOO! (POP!) WE ARE HERE… AT LAS! VEGAS! WRESTLING!”
“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”
MAYES: “We are here at the PRELUDE… to the BIGGEST show in Las Vegas Wrestling history! (Pop!) I’m Jeff Mayes, and STANDING here beside me-“
SMITH: “Be quiet, Mayes. I can speak for myself! (Boos!) And YOU BE QUIET TOO! (Louder boos!) You are all in the presence of roulette royalty!”
MAYES: “Not again with this, SIR Simon.”
SMITH: “Didn’t I say be quiet! (More boos!) You may have been able to talk down to me at the LAST show, but not this time! Not to a man laden with cold, hard cash!”
MAYES: “Which as we all know, you’ll go out and piss away yet again!”
SMITH: “Not THIS time, Mayes! It’s all about the 35 black, the nine-square around 20, and betting BIG on the other color when the board’s shown red hit more than five times straight!”
MAYES: “But, they say that each roll is indepen-“
SMITH: “They say gibberish! That’s why they have to write books to try and scrap together a couple dollars, while I earn all the loot at the tables!”
MAYES: “Enough with your adventures, because LVW is on a ride towards the biggest adventure in wrestling history here in the Valley, and that is Supershow on the Strip I! (Cheers!)”
SMITH: “Go on Mayes, tell them the menu.” (MAYES gives SMITH a glance)
MAYES: “TONIGHT, we find out the four finalists who will do battle to become the FIRST EVER LVW World Heavyweight Champion! (POP!) All eight remaining combatants have been at each others’ throats this week, Sir Simon, and they’re ready to go for the kill!”
SMITH: “It won’t be pretty in this ring, I’ll tell you that! The plasma centers are at the ready, ‘cause after tonight, someone will need a blood transfusion!”
MAYES: “And we also find out who will be the FIRST man to FACE the new World Champion, in a 5-Way Match for the first World Title shot!”
SMITH: “Don’t forget about my good friend, Carmine Esposito, Smith! Like me, him and Jimmy Two Times… they’re blazing the revenge trail on all you doubters!”
MAYES: “Plus, the premier of The Gentleman of Leisure’s… talk show, Leisure Time! With his very first guest, the Las Vegas Legend Killer, Jack House!”
SMITH: “I won my barrels of cash straight-up, so the House has no problem with me, but this new goof we hired WILL.”
MAYES: “FOUR semi-final matches in the LVW World Championship Tournament – FOUR winners, FOUR men gaining a shot to be the first to be called LVW World Champion – all that coming at you RIGHT NOW!” (The room whoops it up!)
SMITH: “Order me Two Shots of Happy!”
“EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U! EL VEE DOUBLE-U!”
(MUSIC UP: “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad (Hot Nugget Remix) – Matt Dusk)
(CUTTO: Slow swooping helicopter shots of the Las Vegas skyline! From the Stratosphere tower, to the east to the Wynn, shooting straight south to Caesar’s Palace, circling all around to point to the south past the Paris Eiffel Tower and the Bellagio…)
V/O: “TONIGHT, we bring you PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING as it’s never been DONE BEFORE… IN THE CITY OF SIN!”
“I’M JUST A SINGER…. SOME SAY A SINNERRRRRRRRRR…
ROLLLLLLLLIN’ THE DIIIIIIIIIIICE… NOT ALWAYS A WINNER.”
(…The helicopter zooms in on the broadside of the MANDALAY BAY)
V/O: “Coming to you from the HOUSE OF BLUES at MANDALAY BAY, get ready for the glitz, the glammer, and the gore! Get ready for LAS! VEGAS! WRRRRRRRRESTLINNNNNNNG!”
(Soft FADEOUT to commercial)